Ask A Guy: He Said He’s “Not Good Enough For Me” post image

Ask A Guy: He Said He’s “Not Good Enough For Me”

I’ve been seeing this guy for 6 months and we decided to officially become a couple after about a month of dating.  Lately he’s been withdrawn and doesn’t give me nearly any attention.  When we’re together we sleep together, but recently he became really emotional (like he was going to cry) and was telling me that “I deserve better than him” and that “he’s not good enough for me.”  What does my boyfriend really mean when he says that?

Well, at the risk of being too blunt and direct… he’s basically saying that he doesn’t love you as strongly as you seem to love him.

He’s not saying you deserve a better man than him.  He’s saying you deserve a better love than he feels for you or believes he will ever feel for you.

That’s not to say he doesn’t love you.  He may love you very much… but not feel very “in love” with you at the moment.

As for him looking emotional and tearful when he’s saying this, it’s probably because he genuinely cares for you, he doesn’t want to hurt you or break your heart and there’s still a large part of him that likes having you around.

One way to put it is that he genuinely feels that he’s “cheating you out of real love” and that he no longer sees the future that he once saw with you.

So given that you’re at this crossroads, you have a choice:  Do you fight to rescue the relationship or do you let him go?

If you are reading this article and you’re in this exact situation, I would imagine that you’d want to do anything to create that kind of love with him.

On the A New Mode newsletter, I talk extensively about how to really reach a man so he feels that kind of love for you.  But in this article, I will quickly go through a few things you can try to revive the relationship.

Before I do though, I want to make a point about relationships: the biggest issue I ever see with relationships is that people want to “shove a round peg through a square hole” (so to speak). In other words, before you go trying to force your relationship to work, ask yourself a few questions:

a)  How do I feel about myself in this relationship?  Do you love yourself and your life more while you’re in this relationship… or are you worrisome, stressed out and insecure?  If it’s the latter, that’s a good indicator that this relationship might be worth leaving…

b)  How deeply do you feel you know and understand the person you’re with?  (Note: I am not asking how deeply you love them, how “close” you feel or anything like that…)

Do you feel you can read them like a book?  Or do you feel like they’ve always had a wall up to you and you’ve only gotten to know a surface level of them but have otherwise been at a distance?

True love and intimacy requires that you and your partner can let each other in.  Some guys don’t like to talk about things, but they have ways to show their love (see How Do Men Show Their Love?)

On the other side of this if your guy became closed over time, then it might be because you’ve unknowingly stopped doing the things that made him feel love for you in the first place (let’s talk about that in a moment).

c)  Are you happy, fulfilled and secure in your own life?  For your relationships to work, you must show up first as a happy, fulfilled, secure person.

Think of the women you know who are always talking about how men are using them or the man they’re dating isn’t treating them how they wish he would.  The women who complain about these sorts of things are are usually insecure, unhappy and unfulfilled in their life in general.

If you really want a relationship that works out, then you MUST finally get yourself together.  Fill your life with things that make you happy and feel fulfilled.

And finally KILL those insecurities.  Being insecure about things is both a habit and a lifestyle.  It stems from the belief that worrying or obsessing about something you don’t like will accomplish something…

It won’t.  When you get down to it, you really only have two choices with insecurities:  Either CHANGE whatever it is that you’re insecure about or OWN IT.

If you can change it, commit to change it NOW.  Have a game plan that you are working on every day to have it handled.  For example, if you want to get fit and shed some extra weight, DO IT – get into action NOW and stop driving yourself crazy with feeling bad about it. By taking action and handling what you don’t like, you will feel in control and in charge of your life.

And if you can’t change what you don’t like about yourself… own it.  Embrace it and accept it as a part of you.  I know it sounds cliche, but you must love yourself, all of yourself, before anyone else can truly love you.

OK, so let’s say that you want to turn this situation around and try to save your relationship.

Fair enough, I’ll tell you a few tips that will give you the best shot to save your relationship.  But keep in mind – not all relationships are “meant to be.”  Sometimes in the long run, a relationship is best off ending if it ultimately isn’t a good match.

First, let’s talk about you.  Like I said earlier, you need to show up in the relationship happy, fulfilled and secure. This might be particularly hard for you at this point since you might be worried about your relationship collapsing and that worry is poisoning your mood and mental state.

I realize it’s tough, but it is at this time that it’s MOST important to stand on a firm foundation emotionally.

All to often I see women who are unfulfilled, unhappy or insecure jump into a relationship and start to look to the relationship as the Holy Grail of happiness in their life. They fixate entirely on their relationship and use it as an emotional crutch… their relationship makes them feel fulfilled, secure and happy. Inevitably something happens and then comes the worry.  Maybe the guy didn’t text back right away or he said something that sounded negative.

And very quickly you go from that happy, love-filled woman to an insecure mess, analyzing every detail of your relationship and desperately clinging to every little clue that could reassure you that he cares.

That’s when the big shift happens… you go from effortlessly filling the relationship with your positive energy to constantly needing to suck reassurance and confidence out of the relationship. You go from being fun and carefree to be around to being an insecure mess of emotions, desperately reacting to every one of the guy’s actions and “chasing” the relationship.

Now with all this new worrying and insecurity about the relationship, your focus becomes the worrying and not the relationship itself.  You lose sight of what you were putting in at the beginning of the relationship… and what you were putting in might very well have been exactly what attracted him to you in the first place (and made him feel love for you…)

Again, if you want deeper details on how to do this, get on my newsletter cause I go into great detail.

But the quickest and easiest solution is to first make sure you have a fulfilling, happy and secure life.  So that means having your own hobbies and fulfilling activities, going out with your female friends and having fun instead of staying in hoping that he’ll call you.  And that means either handling what you don’t like about yourself or finally owning it.

As for the relationship, your focus should be on recreating the first days of the relationship… those were the days that brought him in initially, so it’s highly likely that’s what he loved most.

Think back to how you were and what you would do with him.  How did you act?  How did you dress?  What kinds of things did you do together (or did you do for him)?

Whatever it was (even if you did less for him in those days), it’s highly likely that the initial 3 months of your dating contains the “secret formula” of what was working for you both.

It is common for people after the initial 3 months of a relationship to start getting lazy.  They stop doing the things that initially attracted the other person and then they wonder where the love went!

After the initial period of euphoric love feelings wears off… love becomes a choice.  If you’re lazy about it and decide to focus on your own worries and insecurities more than the relationship itself, you will end up draining more and more life out of your relationship.

But if you can rewind your mental clock to those initial days where love was growing, I think you’ll find a lot of things you were doing that you can start doing again.

Hope it helps,

eric charles

Written by Eric Charles

I'm Eric Charles, the co-founder and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing articles to help people free themselves from suffering and have clarity in their love life. I have a degree in Psychology and I've dedicated the last 20 years of my life to learning everything I can about human psychology and sharing what gets people out of struggling with life and into having the life they really want. If you want to contact me, feel free to reach out on Facebook or Twitter.

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Hi my partner has been saying the same words ” I deserve better” and he “dsnt meet the requirements”

It hurts so deeply to hear him say that and I think it stems from the fact that his job ended and its been over a year of him trying to find a job.

Plus 5months ago I also quit my job because we decided to travel during that period. Two month back home both jobless and on my side I am very hopeful I might find a job soon whereas he thinks he cnt because he is 29yrs older than me .

And my family have been bringing up baby this baby that questions and he cnt make me pregnant because of low sperm count. His financially secured but I still need to make my own money and he says thinks like why do I love him his old and cnt give me kids and nt worthy.

Does he want to leave me?.

Reply December 8, 2017, 4:47 am


I have been with a boy for six monrhs now. And with those six months we yave been really fighting with each other.We would not understand each other and he gets angry at me because of he says I wouldn’t understand rhings on his point of view. But everytime we’re ok, he assures me that he really loves me. And then came the day that he says we must stop for he’s seeing that he’s causing me a lot of pain and he doesn’t want that. He said he doesn’t want the love of his life to be in pain that’s why he’s letting me go. Saying I deserve someone better. And then I said what if I said no he said that cannot be, because this is the proper thing to do.

Reply April 3, 2017, 8:41 am


In my experience, this is always a load of BS. If you notice people who say this mistreat the other person, make them feel neglected, then pull that line on them. The guys that have told me this, did so after I caught them on bad behavior (w/drawing, lying etc). They hope pulling that line makes them feel better about themselves, letting the person down gently, when in the end just a cowards way out. Its as though they use this to justify their bad behavior, then bail when someone calls them out on it. Everyone has issues, no one is perfect, but you cannot use that excuse to just leave. This is my 2 cents, not trying to be cynical, but I have never pulled anything like that on anyone nor do plan on it. When I break up, my statement is straight to the source. A warning for men and women, do not get caught up in this, it is very emotionally trying.

Reply March 28, 2017, 11:06 pm


Me and my ex known each other for almost 7 years and we finally went out and three months later he broke up with me and cried while saying he was sorry and loved me. But even after we broke up we still “talked” and he talk about after we finished college he wants to move in with me and that he loved me but he still wasnt committed to me. Then we grew a connects over the past few months and became friends with benefits… Then out of no where he texted me saying stated talking to this girl and i was nothing serious but he doesnt want to hurt me but then i told him to do what makes him happy because i loved him and he told me while whatever happens “i love you and no one will ever compare to you and i still want to spend my life with you and move in together”. Im very confused because he tells me all this but then doesnt want to be in a real relationship with me…

Reply January 13, 2017, 9:52 pm


My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly 11 months now. He recently told me, with a pained expression that my love for him is “perfect” and that I deserve better. He also confessed that he’s unsure if he loves me and why he’s staying with me, even when the initial feelings of attraction are gone. He also told me that he fears that he just loved me because he was lonely and that he’s staying for my body, my comfort and out of fear that I would exit his life completely. But he says he’s sure he wants to stay, he just doesn’t know why. Afraid to break up with me, feeling that he’ll end up regretting. I love him very very much, and hope to work things out with him, but I told him to reflect. If he figures out that he doesn’t love me, he should leave. And that I don’t mind if he stays out of the pure want to stay, without knowing the reason why.The conversation ended with him promising to stay with me, even if he doesn’t understand why he wants to. He promised to eventually get married and build a family with me. I told him, okay, but also clarfied that I know he means this now, but if he ever changes his mind, he should tell me. We always talk about possibly settling together but we also talk about what if we break up. I promised we could still be friends. But to be completely okay again, I told him to give me 1-2 yrs, but if he cheats..maybe longer. We agreed to the terms. He has OCD, which makes him fixate on things. And we’re both still 21. I wouldn’t hate him if he chose to leave me. I made that clear. I also told him that if he falls for someone else, he should tell me. But if possible, I wanna keep this relationship. Is there anything I can/should do?

Reply November 12, 2016, 1:23 pm


Also, I’m confused. I feel that he loves me very very much. His friends and my friends see the same thing. Is it possible that we’re wrong? I didn’t wanna tell him, knowing that I’m not in the position to assume how someone truly feels. He’s such a sweetheart. He may be on the lazy side but he works very hard to keep me happy, even things no one expected from him. He’s changed a lot lately. Happier, less angry and more forgiving. I was afraid he was forced to change because of the mindset that I deserved better, but he says he doesn’t feel forced to change at all. Our relationship seems to be on a good track. Why does he feel this way? How do guys even realize that they love someone?

Reply November 12, 2016, 1:37 pm


My fiance broke up with me after our 10years living relationship because he fell in love and started to have an affair with his coworker, who is already married with two kids. For 3months i was still with him hoping that he will leave that women…….i cried…beg….everything but he would keep on saying that he cares for me but doesn’t love me anymore and sorry for hurting me.
And somtimes he will be too emotional and says that i can get better guy then him.
We keep on fighting for pass 3months and he asked for break up so i move to my home town.
Its been 2 months since we broke up but once a day still he call me even though i force him not to stop calling me.
Even if i force him to call me why would he do that when he is still with that women and seems like he is serious about her.

Reply September 30, 2016, 8:16 pm


That is exactly what just happened to me.What ended up happening? Did he ever come back?

Reply May 9, 2016, 5:31 pm


Ehh, it’s not always about the guy making excuses for not loving you enough. Guys really do feel unworthy and unconfident at times. Even though a girl tells you she loves you, it doesn’t change the fact that you feel inadequate for whatever reason. Some people feel what they call imposter syndrome. Even thought they might appear adequate and capable to other people, they feel like it is a lie and that they will soon be found out. It can happen in relationships.

Reply May 5, 2016, 6:49 pm

Hallie Newcomb

It can also mean he has cheated on you.

Reply April 14, 2015, 2:17 pm

Hallie Newcomb

This is not always true. My boyfriend loves me more than I love him and he says he doesn’t deserve me. Part of this his from low self esteem but also because he can’t make me orgasm.

Reply April 14, 2015, 2:16 pm


Wow so negative. It may be true but it doesn’t mean the relationship is danger. If the guy is crying he obviously does care alot and maybe is insecure.

My boyfriend says I deserve better and has told me once not to rely on him for happiness and go think for myself. I wasn’t really though, at least I don’t think. I’m a little surprised by how well my love is received and I hardly feel like I’m doing much…

I’m not even that great a girlfriend. I feel like he loves me more sometimes. I like his fundamental characteristics and I’m keeping an open heart.

I almost wanted to break up a few times because he is not very invested in me. But we seem mutal in how we feel about each other. Like we genuinely care but we are sort of entertaining ourselves because we trust each other.

Reply December 20, 2014, 9:50 pm


Oh to clarify. He didn’t say “go think for yourself” I meant to say “do things for yourself” in that think for myself. I got mixed up haha

Reply December 20, 2014, 9:52 pm


Nevermind I just repeated the exact thing haha. Also I meant I don’t think I rely on him for happiness but he thought this.

Reply December 20, 2014, 9:57 pm


My boyfriend just broke up with me after 10 months and said that I deserve a much better person than him to be my boyfriend because we had a fight on why he wasn’t engaging anymore in phone conversations on a daily basis. He didn’t say out of anger or anything but very calm and thoughtful. He admitted that he didn’t have the desire to call me or look forward to my call and that made him realized perhaps that he wasn’t in love with me as much as he would like to. I knew part of it was due to my insecurities and my constant reassurance from him. I’ve really tried and work on my insecurities but somehow, some way they creep through and eventually damage this relationship. I want this relationship to work out again but I had a feeling that he was pretty final on his decision. Is it true that once there is something that turned a man off, his feelings for a woman would never go back to the way they were before even with the woman continuously tried to make the relationship work?

Reply December 1, 2014, 11:15 pm


I’m dealing with the same issue right now

Reply December 2, 2014, 2:01 pm


I don’t think it necessarily changes a guy’s view permanently unless he is thinking he himself will never change and that is why he may not look back.

Reply December 20, 2014, 10:01 pm

Lucey D

You give the worst advice I’ve ever seen. The onus is ALWAYS on the woman. A REAL man DOES reassure a woman that she is loved, cherished and special to him. She can be the most secure fulfilled person outside of the relationship but every women needs demonstrations of that love. Maybe HE is so insecure or emotionally closed off due that he does not show her love and does things that cause her pain. Women are supposed to blame it on themselves if the man starts going to strip clubs or spends all his time with the guys or praises other women but never doing anything nice for her? Perhaps this guy is not on her level… she is educated and he is not or she has a good job and he doesn’t, or she is attractive and he is not. You need to ask details before you jump to the conclusion that she is being a clingy and insecure. Read the reason Billy Bob Thorton divorced Angelina Jolie…he admits he felt he wasn’t good enough and sabatoged the relationship. He may truly feel inadequate, he may not. You can be the best version of yourself and have a relationship fail. It’s about the dynamic between TWO people, and it takes TWO to tango.

Reply October 23, 2014, 12:47 pm

Lucey D

due to his own insecurities* (correction to mistype in previous post)

Reply October 23, 2014, 12:49 pm

Lucey D

You give the worst advice I’ve ever seen. The onus is ALWAYS on the woman. A REAL man DOES reassure a woman that she is loved, cherished and special to him. She can be the most secure fulfilled person outside of the relationship but every woman needs demonstrations of that love. Maybe HE is so insecure or emotionally closed off due that he does not show her love and does things that cause her pain. Women are supposed to blame it on themselves if the man starts going to strip clubs or spends all his time with the guys or praises other women but never doing anything nice for her? Perhaps this guy is not on her level… she is educated and he is not or she has a good job and he doesn’t, or she is attractive and he is not. You need to ask details before you jump to the conclusion that she is being a clingy and insecure. Read the reason Billy Bob Thorton divorced Angelina Jolie…he admits he felt he wasn’t good enough and sabatoged the relationship. He may truly feel inadequate, he may not. You can be the best version of yourself and have a relationship fail. It’s about the dynamic between TWO people, and it takes TWO to tango.

Reply October 23, 2014, 1:34 pm

Eric Charles

Nobody is forcing you to date a guy who isn’t good for you.

You can only control yourself, your choices, your mood, etc.

There’s a difference between placing the onus on women (which is a fancy way of saying “blaming”) and showing people a place to focus their energy where they have control and can change things.

You can’t change another person… there’s no “forcing” a good relationship…

I could go on and on, but I’ve spoken to this point again and again. I’m just a guy who writes his opinion, many people find it helpful… and you are clearly not one of those people. I’m fine with that, good luck.

Reply October 23, 2014, 2:38 pm

Lucey D

I think I was exaggerating, as to your advice being the worst ever. I actually have found other articles of yours helpful, but in this one, and quite a few others, I do think that you are putting the onus… which means responsibility, not blame… solely on the woman. And this is typical in our male dominated society. But no where in her letter does she indicate she is unhappy, insecure, or depending on him. She is curious as to why he is pulling away when she felt the relationship was going in a positive direction. You never considered that maybe this guy meant exactly what he said. And if that is that case nothing she can say or do will make him feel worthy. You are absolutely correct that you can not control another person, or force them to give you want you need, so if he is saying he can’t provide what she needs, she should believe him. It’s that simple. If she were to try to work it out (which is never advice I would give when a man flat out tells a woman he can’t give her what she needs), it would not be solely a woman’s responsibility to find a way to reach him. It is equally important for a man to step and give his partner what she needs. Maybe looking at the man’s role doesn’t support your business, which is for women to keep coming back for advice on what they are doing wrong. But I think that you’re program should be categorized as self improvement advice for women within a dating scenario vs. dating solutions because real relationship therapy concentrates on the details of each unique situation (there was a noted lack of them), and behaviors in the relationship from both sides. Peace.

Reply October 23, 2014, 8:16 pm

Eric Charles

At the end of the day, when someone writes a question to me, I do my best to help them…

I answer the person with love as best I can, as if it were the advice I’d want someone to give my sister if she was in the situation that was described…

When you say things like what I’m saying is “typical in our male dominated society” and implying that my motivation is to create a dependency in readers and not help them… you’re projecting your own stuff onto me and my writing…

I can’t stop you from doing that, but at the same time, you really don’t know anything about me, my motivations or what I have or haven’t considered when writing…

I do run a business, that’s no secret, but I also really do give away my very best for free. If that’s not your cup of tea, fine – like I said before, I’m fine with that… there is nobody out there who gives away as much as I do.

The evidence is the hundreds of articles and newsletters I’ve written for free over the past 6 years…

If you have the believe that other people should believe what you believe and do what you want because you want it… well… I don’t know what to tell you… other than what I said before – nobody is forcing you to be in any relationship you don’t want to be. (And to add to that, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being single.)

Reply October 23, 2014, 11:52 pm

Lucey D

I respectfully disagree. The fact is America IS a male dominated society and attitudes are ingrained that it is the woman who needs to change what she is doing to reach a man or adapt to him. What if we wrote equal amounts of books for men about how to give a woman what she wants? You join a long list of writers who only focus on what a woman needs to do get to a man’s heart but we rarely ask a man to do the same. I was suggesting that your writing could be more balanced. I’m not suggesting your intentions are nefarious; there is nothing wrong with capitalizing on a demand for business. But whether it is intentional or not, I do think you maximize a need in women. When the majority of the advice is focused on what the woman needs to work on in order to “get the man”, the work never ends. And that is great for self improvement but doesn’t necessarily get you anywhere in a relationship . Yes, you can never control another person and you should always strive to be your personal best, yet a relationship is about the dynamic between two people, how those people work together and what both parties can do to understand, value and respect each other.

October 24, 2014, 11:03 am

Lucey D

And on another note: it’s not my responsibilty to read your mind in to what you may or may not have considered in your writing. Your writing is under your control so I can only go by your finished product and what you decide to put to print. I was giving examples of what I thought could be going on because there were no details regarding why the man pulled away or how the woman was acting on her side. Maybe vague writing is just not for me. I don’t have the belief that everyone should think like me. I was only voicing my opinion (which I have a right to do), making a suggestion and letting you know why I consider the advice one sided and ultimately not as helpful as it could be. If you don’t want to take my my advice to your advice then, of course, that is your decision.

October 24, 2014, 11:22 am


Thank you. I thought the answer was too negative.
I think guys like the author if they are a guy make the mistake that women love them…

Reply December 20, 2014, 10:04 pm

I just want him to know I care

Im currently trying to get my ex boyfriend back. We have been Talking for the last couple weeks, we went on a “date” that he described as “flawless.” He told me that night that he wanted to try to get back together. The next day he wasnt sure what he wanted and that he was really confused and scared to trust me. Trust was the reason we broke up. I do really love this man and believe he is to be the love of my life. He told me last night that he didnt feel like he was good enough for me or anyone. I know he has been feeling suicidal but other than that he just feels like “I can do better than him” and that im way better off without him. I want him, no one else. Help!

Reply September 10, 2014, 3:27 pm


I had to stop reading the response for this article. The OP wrote that her guy started crying and got all emotional then said, “I’m not good enough for you…” How does this make it the girls problem. Clearly her boyfriend has something he needs to work out, not her. She isn’t being needy/selfish/demanding/insecure/any of the other things you claim women project onto a relationship. He could have cheated on her firstly. Maybe he’s unsure of sexuality. Maybe he’s unsure of himself as a person in a loving and committed relationship (ding-ding!). The problem here is that the guy is clearly insecure in the relationship. He’s being honest and somewhat vague about it (if there was more info from the OP, that would help shed more light) and its very confusing to understand to say the least. I understand the confusion to be honest, and I would also have asked around about that if faced with this situation. Stop telling women that they are the problem when clearly there’s no evidence of this in their statements, and give them a chance to understand what’s really going on from the male perspective. If you’ve never been that guy, that’s fine. All the thing’s you’ve written before doesn’t always apply. Telling a woman to stop being insecure (or whatever else you can project on her) when she clearly isn’t, won’t make her a better half of the relationship she’s in. Help her fix it if it needs fixing but, don’t sit there and write a it’s-all-your-fault-he’s-like-that/said-that response.

Reply June 5, 2014, 1:25 pm

Eric Charles

It’s not the woman’s problem, but when someone writes a question to me, there’s only one person they have control over – themselves.

So I address how they can handle it because that’s what they’re asking for. There is ZERO value in placing blame or deciding who’s fault it is. What does that accomplish?

My complete answer:

Ask a Guy: Why Is It Always The Woman’s Fault?

Reply June 5, 2014, 1:34 pm


My boyfriend just ended our four month relationship by text for the same reason. “I deserve better”. We started the relationship before the holidays. He went to his parents for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. He told me that he didn’t want to keep in touch over Thanksgiving week. This is when my doubts of our relationship began. Why can’t he pick up the phone and call? Christmas week was better with communication. During that week we talked and made plans for the day he returned to have our Christmas together. That day came and I didn’t hear anything from him. He called the next morning and wanted to stop by for a quick visit to drop off my gift. I was upset about him blowing me off the day before and let him know. He seemed sincere in his apology, emotional and very detailed about family issues on his end. We didn’t talk much all week following because of his hours at work.. His son came to town for New Years, I had hoped we would bring in the year together but he only wanted to spend it with his son. He never offered to introduce us even thou I have introduced him to my daughter. We talked and decided to start over with open hearts and no walls.. His reason for his earlier blow off was now that he is feeling too close and is afraid to let me in. Two fantastic weeks later, he goes out of town for work and I don’t hear a thing from him. Before leaving he called me, sincerely upset about having to leave and wanted to see me before. I couldn’t get away from work. We made plans to get together the evening he returned. I didn’t call or text all week, left it up to him. He returned and again blew off our plans.
I took a few days break from him so I could get my thoughts/feelings together. He comes over we talk, he promises to be better at communication. Two days later, a text breakup. Basically telling me that I am wonderful, his personal and work stress has taxed us and I don’t deserve it. He has let me down too many times and been away too many times to recover. Complete turn around from 2 days earlier.
When I look back, I realize that he was not vested in the relationship. Not to mention the fact that we rarely had sex. I would initiate and he thought he was too fat to take his clothes off. Excuses

Reply February 1, 2014, 10:42 am


When a guy cries and tells you “you deserve better than him” what that means is that he is cheating on you and you DEFINITELY deserve better than him. So Run!

Reply November 30, 2012, 2:15 pm

please help me?

hey what does it mean when you ask a guy out through facebook or another internet source and he responds with”sure but don’t ask me on here”?

Reply November 3, 2012, 1:00 pm


I need help
my boyfriend never seem to have time for me!
he is always willing to hang out with him friends in fact they go everywhere with us!
and when he is not with them he is playing game!
I am really getting annoyed!!!!!
am I asking too much from him?
help me please cause I do not want to break up a good guy because I am being selfish….

Reply October 30, 2012, 8:23 pm

Taylor erhart

What do I do if the guy I love and the guy I’m dating (same person) recently stopped talking to me without notice but didn’t break up with me? And I have no way of knowing if he’s okay.

Reply October 17, 2012, 9:04 pm


My and my bf just brokeup after a year and 8 months. It just really sucks because I never thought I would get dumped!! I am way out of his league and I still got dumped…of course I loved him and looks don’t really matter to me but everyone always commented on it, and he always said that I was better looking than him. Anyways our relationship had always been distant in the beginning, we were both the single type of people who didn’t even want a relationship…it was a hookup thing for 4 months that finally turned into a relationship when he randomly asked me out one day. I honestly to this day think that he just wanted to see if he could get me to love him. Well he was successful in that, and I waited about a year for him to even say he loved me…the whole relationship was me trying to get him to chase me. Thats not what I think a relationship should be like, and I always felt like I had to ignore him when I really just wanted to hangout. Every weekend he would have to go to the bars with his friends, go spear fishing, go fishing, play baseball, ect. I think its good to have hobbies but seriously how many hobbies can a person have? He was obviously into himself from the beginning and I’m sry i never saw it. Well anyways the longer we were together the closer I got to him, but after about a year the closer I got to him the more I kept realizing his feelings remained at a stand point. I started to question everything and questioned if I was being needy, which I figured I wasn’t. He only saw me when it was convenient for him, and I guess I became to available the closer I got to him. I work and go to school, I hardly have any time but the time I did have I wanted to see him because we NEVER hungout till about 10pm at night so most of out time spent was sleeping…it wasn’t the ideal situation. This post helped me a lot because I realized that I was more in love with him because thats the normal way that your supposed to feel. He is just scared and is about to graduate while im still going to be in college till im basically 30 and i think this really scared him. He doesn’t want to be held back and I understand that, and respect it. Its just sad that everytime i would bring up him leaving he would push it aside and I think that was selfish of him. He would say that he was moving to SF and would be able to drive to see me when he left, all that might have been true but I know deep down he just wanted to end it…I wanted it to work so badly and I will miss him terribly…just really sucks. I’m 20 years old and I know I will find someone who fits me more, but it just sucks im going to see him till May and idk if I can take him saying he wants me back and not giving in when I know it won’t work….I just had to get this out and hope it helps someone. If the guy your with is being distant from the beginning then just leave, its not worth it to feel like you have to be “chased” for almost 2 years. You should be pretty comfortable with the guy your with, and shouldn’t feel like you have to get his attention in any way, he should make an effort to see you and he should come to you, don’t go to him to see him all the time. That was my mistake, the guy comes to you not the other way around…pretty heartbroken right now but I know its for the best and all I can do is keep doing what ive been doing but without worrying about getting attention from anyone…

Reply October 6, 2012, 11:06 pm


Thank you Cayla. You hoped that your experience would help someone, well it has and I really can’t thank you enough. I feel for what you had to go through, but you have prevented what could have been a devastating experience in my life. You see, I am twenty years older than you and a situation like that might have really shaken me to the core. Please know that what I tell you is true to heart- That you saved someones heart from being broken.
All the best to you in life.


Reply December 2, 2015, 6:05 pm

I'm free

I love this article. I’ve always felt self-confident, content and satisfied with myself however for the first time in my life I found myself in a relationship that filled me with doubts, questions and insecurities. I have a stable career and strong social circle and have NEVER felt dependent on a man. I met this guy a year and a half ago and almost immediately felt a really intense, crazy connection with him on a physical, emotional and spiritual level. We dated on and off during that period and even though we had such an incredible time together I always longed for something more. He told me he was in love with me yet he’d only want to see me once or twice a week. I’m not needy however I want to spend a bit more time with my significant other then just once or twice a week especially when they don’t have anything else going on. We had extreme highs and lows. When things were happy and easygoing he would shower me with love but as soon as I tried communicating to him about something on my mind he would shut down, stop talking to me and threaten to leave me. I finally broke free of this really unhealthy relationship about a week ago. My point here is that it’s so important to trust your gut and intuition. If the relationship isn’t enhancing your life and you feel like something is off it’s time to cut your losses. I felt this the entire time yet I didn’t have the courage to say goodbye for good. We can’t worry about loss. If you’re happy, fulfilled and healthy you’ll walk if you’re not getting what you want or if someone isn’t treating you as you desire to be treated. This site has amazing advice and really good points. I hope I can apply this in my next relationship :-)

Reply June 2, 2012, 11:46 am

Please Help Me

Hello, this is the first time I have ever been on anything like this.i have few questions about Ex-boyfriend Brian. When we first started dating he always had my balc, he was romantic and said the just sweetest words every day, he then would go to work and I got a call everyday at his lunch break and he always told me, I was so beautiful, what r u doin with me? Then he would ask me in the hell have you been my entire life. Sounds like a fairytale? Right? After a year of being blissfully happy, no doubts in my mind, I move my daughter into his house. And the the fairytail went out the window! I didn’t do anything the I was supposed to. I don’t his laundry correctly so screamed at me to stop do any of his laundry. From there on out became seperate pleople, we weren’t a couple trying to live together in harmony, but after the laundry rant, I saw exactly what was coming. He didn’t want share money, what was his was his and what was mine was mine. In the last year and a half he has only paid the mortgage and insurance; approx $650 and he gets the equity for that whole time, me on the other he didn’t want name on ANYTHING whatsoever, except my car. I got stuck with absolutely everything else…..groceries (the man like meals prepared for him) water,satellite, Internet,gas, electictric. Home phone, and cell phones ( only for my daughter And have it together. He has a seperate on plan alone and put a lock to get on his phone so I can’t use it) I am quite sure that. Either of us have cheated with anyone, we are different in a lot of ways, he is 7 older 41 and he loves to get up earlier and I do not, I would if I was properly woken up the right way;) so I confronted him and told him I don’t think is working ( with hopes he would come back say I don’t know, I know we both need to put some effort in some, he was heading to golf and said cool I will try gotta run. Comes home in his mad search for dinner, that I didn’t make. We start to argue, and he say I just do think we can live together anymore. But mad cause I was busy and didn’t make dinner? Mad because My car was parked to deep in the garage, mad because my 11 yr gets excited everyday to tell me
About her day and drops her backpack by the do, al he would have to do is ask her please pick it up. In the other hand he has a son that 5, with real serious issues that have not been diagnosted yet. Althought schools have been recomending him to go special Ed class, he doesn’t them. He is in professional lalalala land, and what makes it worse is Steve is kind of a lazy dad, he get him
Everyother fri sat that’s it, he brings him in terroriZes the house, calls my daughter name and may even throw milk on the way, because he felt like it. I have in 3 years of this never seen or heard him get into trouble!!!! Not once!!! I even bit a hole in my daughters shit WHILE SHE WAS WEARING. He never had a bed time for him, the would lay in the recliner he’s alltime favorite place and this kid went wild. I would typically hide in my bedroom as well as my daughter. I was never felt like I could yell or discipline since nobody else ever did??? So yes 2 weeks ago I found a rental and had majority all at the new house by that evening. Just had 1more day and it would be great! When I walked in, I have never in my life, and the sweetest good ol country boy was MAD and I mean I have never seen such evil mean hatred. We had been getting alon previous in the week we even grilled each dinner together and ate. I said I was name that I will say this I have never been called a c**t in my life let alone screamed up in my face. He told me if I didn’t leave now. He will all of my shit sittin outside the waiting for B***H. So needless to stay considering I didn’t trust what he would do with my shit I was afraid he would have bonfire. But I up at 6am and just started throwing things in my car, then. Called friends and there spouse and we had it done, I rudely handed his, and had forgot that his garage door opener. He new me for 3 years and was with me thru my divorce and I wanted away from everything of his and he was a nuclear pharmacist, walked away from everything, because as far as I concerned, he went to school and worked hard, it’s not mine. But now Brian he is accuse me of stealing pans, suite case, ink, pens, sheets? Toilet paper? Toothpaste all that I did technically bout. So he is still mad ass hell, I sent him an email about 1:30 about what my opinion of him
Was, what are u trying prove, we don’t fight? So he never has raised his voice at me ever, like I said this man made me feel so happy and safe!! He woke up the next morning begging me to apologize and I just rolled over and told not to worry because the c***t will without a doubt have every last bit of my stuff out of ur house!! He was pleading wih me to forgive him for the hateful just horrible things that he had said to me. Personally all I wanted was to get out there quick! And I did, of course we a couple moves apart and u have a bunch of people helping you are going grab so of the wrong dishers, luggage, socks, t shirt. So we have had small contact. But I sent him a message Saturday night if he would allow my daughter and I could take him to the local park for an hour or so, she has a present for him and she desperatelty misses him. I told him I would prefer if he didn’t join us because feel like u said all that u needed to say to me last weak. He said I hav you mail can u come by and let me really truly wanted to sincerely apologize to my face. So I did, we talk for awhile and he put his arms around me soft we hugged for ten minutes just holding each other, tighter and tighter and tighter! Then he wedged in and kissed me, for 5min or so. I use to whine that we never kiss anymore and all night we Probly kissed for over a solid hour, we went to bed, obviously did It over and over and over again. But Sunday morning he jumps up at 8:30am and said he needs to take a shower so and he was supposes to play golf at 9am. So I got up and got dress, he walked down the hall and told me thanks for coming, no hug, I just said see ya round. That was Sunday morning, the first time I heard from him since was tonight. Sente a message because I packed his suitcase and heis leaving for family vacation, there was no sorry I haven’t called u lately, sorry that we didn’t that…something? But nope, he left truck running and I had the luggage outside waiting on u. He said that’s, Ill see ya!
So much question here is was I just a booty call here? It had only been 2 weeks! Or was he thinking if I get her to sleep with me then that to me means apology accepted. He has been down for weeks and really stressing about what he had said until now, I have let him off the hook! Or is he by chance wanting me back as much as I want him back, he said he got mad because we took the furniture and reality had set in. So did I get played, or did I get a sign that it’s not 100% over? Please help!!

Reply May 30, 2012, 5:40 am


I would like some advice with the withdrawing of men when dating. I recently got divorced and met a 30 year old through a mutual friend. We began through Facebook later texting. I lived in a different state but was looking to relocate an he away from him. We have a 6 year gap and he is. Very successful busy cancerian! Things went great while td ring an during the first month when I still lives in a different state. Do to me moving I did make two trips to the new town and we met up both times and had a great time. He actually helped me move down! I moved and things were still the same we would hang out once a week since he works crazy hours . He would call twice a week just to check in while going to whatever activity he had either volleyball softball shooting trap….work! Things were always good and when he would text I began to give space and not text right away. The phone calls stopped and I decided I could call once! He did answer and it was a quick how are things well great. We haven’t seen each other for over two weeks but currently he is training for a marathon…yea soo busy. His last relationship was long distance and at times would go month without seeing his girlfriend. During the withdrawal I felt I also needed to withdraw. I began to mimic his texting etc. The sweet nothing’s stopped and one day I nicely text him goodnight and that I missed him. His response was you don’t talk much. Well I then informed him that it works both ways and he said he would try harder. I also did let him know I have stepped back but he also has! He knows I like him but I am not sure how modern dating happens! Please help! Oh yea a few times we didn’t make weekend plans and I would let him know I would be going out with my girls etc and he would response well maybe you will find a cooler guy….or cool have fun! When e would do this I would just ignore him! Please help

Reply May 17, 2012, 4:01 pm

Not needy anymore

This write-up really addresses what exactly I am going through now. I just ended a one and half year relationship three days ago. The process to break-up was not easy because I knew this guy loved me but I was more in love with him. The love we had for each other was equal in the beginning but he slowly pulled away because I think he still has feelings for his exes and was finding difficulty in making a decision on who to settle his heart with. Yes can you believe it, he has feelings for two women.
I read all the love e-letters and relationship blogs I could lay my hands on to try to save my relationship. The reverse ultimatum, silent treatment, if he dont call dont call, played hard to get advices all worked but at the end of the day I was able to determine that I would be wrong if I make this man commit to me for the wrong reasons so I had to let go.
How did I come to that conclusion? For the same exact reason your man told you “You deserve more than me” When he made this statement, in my heart I knew it was done. Most women will be flattered but that is really not what a man truly in love will tell you to make you feel good. Yes there are men who believe their woman can do better (but I think this is in terms of finances and gifts and not the amount of love they feel for you) but if they truly want you they will not tell you something like that, they will convince you that they are a better man for you regardless of what any other man can provide for you that they cannot provide.
Two weeks ago, I scared him with a temporary break which prompted him to stop communicating with this other chic as I had desired from him. I was so happy that this worked. Then the emotional imbalance started again. Although he started talking more about settling down, I did not feel the sparks like I used to when we first met. I felt like he was pressured by family and friends to make this relationship work because it was the best they have ever seen him in. I know I am a catch and a good woman so he will never let go of me easily even if he felt it was not right. So I knew the final exit decision is better to come from me now before we hurt and scar each other for someone else.
So after months and months of deliberation and considering if its time to move on, I broke up with him graciously. His exact words were ” Only you can love yourself better than anyone else. I am truly happy with your courage. I think your idea of me not knowing what I want is really funny. I wish you best of luck” Hmm those words lingered on for hours and then I smiled because it kinda assured me that I made the right decision. He did not have the courage or the balls to end it with me so I am glad i did.
I feel more empowered now that I freed him and also freed myself for future opportunities to come my way. I know true love is out there and I will not give up. I have truly learnt my lesson. One thing I will never do again is give all of myself to any man until I get a full commitment even if he is financially low, I will not feel like I am in the position to help me unless I am getting a 100% full blown commitment with him showing all efforts relentlessly. Yes I know my worth.
And please stop listening to friends. They kept telling me that I am in his life to change him and I should not worry about other woman. Bottom line is it bothered me and I should have exited a long time ago instead of accepting crumbs on the table which I did not deserve.
I am happy and have been socializing a lot. I know he will contact me soon, but I am going to be firm with my decision because only I know whats best for me and what I deserve and I dont believe that he can give me what I want even if he loved me. Stay true to your feelins ladies. And listen to your inner intuition. Its powerful!

Reply April 2, 2012, 12:54 am


Thanks so much for posting that. It was so helpful to hear your experience. I admire your strength to walk away from something that you knew wasn’t right. I would love a relationship but I’m not happy and fulfilled in my life right now. I’m desperately trying to change things to make it better but I’m finding it difficult. One of the things is that I’ve never had a relationship or anything close to one. Just dating then the guy starts pulling away or disappears. I guess I just have to keep trying to be fulfilled.

Reply April 6, 2012, 8:02 pm


Wow these stories are very empowering. Im struggling with myself at this very moment to make a huge decision about my current relationship. Ive been seeing this man for 2 1/2 years now, He is 61 and i am 48. He lost his wife to cancer in 09. When we started dating, it was agreed by both of us that, neither of us had any intentions of ever getting married and that work and our families would always come before us, and we have lived by this motto, never interfering in each others personal business,. But i have fallen very much in love with this man and had made comments such as im gonna be alone the rest of my life to him. I know he cares about me and what happens to me, but now i feel by me voicing my opinion to him, its now changed him. He broke up with me about a month ago, and told me that i deserved better, that he has no intentions of ever getting married, all though he cares and loves me very much, that im a good women and deserving of a man who can give me everything he cant. Ive started seeing him again, however i still feel the shift in the relationship, im desperate to keep him, because i do love him, but i know in my heart that our relationship has changed. The relatonship has from the beginning been equal, neither one of us ever taking advantage of the other,. But now its me that has to have the courage to let him go. I hope i can be as strong.

Reply July 31, 2013, 4:23 pm

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