From Heartbreak and Back: Getting Over Your First Love post image

From Heartbreak and Back: Getting Over Your First Love

We always believe our first love is our last, and our last love our first- George John Whyte-Melville

It feels like the pit in your stomach is going to crawl up into your heart and die a slow, painful death. Killing you softly, the pit requires certain sustenance to go on. So, you begin to torture yourself, feeding the pit, because without that pit you feel empty and alone.

I dated him for four years. During my freshman year of college we locked eyes and it was all very magical. I assure you. I was a young, hopeless romantic. As I got to know him better I was sure that I would never love anyone as much as him. That I would never feel as comfortable naked around anyone else. That I would marry him, that we would have babies, and live happily ever after. I was seventeen.

Four years later I think we both knew, him consciously and me subconsciously, that there was no way we would work out. We wanted different things. I see that now. But back then all I saw was him pushing me away for no reason. I was mad at him and he was avoiding me at all costs. When it came time for it to really end I was devastated.

I say “really end” because at that age there are always those couples that break up a bunch and then get back together for some reason or another. Toward the end of our relationship that was happening too much and we were both unhappy. I believe that we wanted to stay together because we had built such a happy and loving relationship. I was very close with his family and we were best friends. It was one of the hardest things I have overcome in my life thus far.

After the break up I moved to London. I moved there to attend graduate school, get away from the drama, and start something new. Let me tell you- when the time isn’t right, you can’t force it. The time wasn’t right but I wasn’t over him no matter how far away I moved.

I wallowed in Damien Rice and vodka, prank called him from London, and even spoke to his mother once or twice. When I was back in the states for the holidays I would make my girlfriends pick me up and drive me past his house (he lived about a half hour away from where I grew up.) They obliged, probably out of pity.

At the time, I never, EVER thought that I would find someone else- someone that I would be happier with, feel more comfortable with, be able to see a future with.

They say it takes half the time you date someone to get over them. That is false. It takes you as long as it takes you and it took me about three years to get over my first love. And what I love about my recovery is that it didn’t take a rebound to do it. I did it on my own. I was single and loved it for two years, and then stumbled upon something magical.

Am I still a little cynical? Of course I am. Will I forever be scared to form a loving and hopefully, lasting relationship with men down the road? Yes. But I would never let that stop me from sharing love with someone else.

If you are aching, I swear you will love again. You will make it though and when the timing is right you will know. You just will. And don’t lie to yourself: Have those rebounds, go out with your girlfriends and be single- it’s the best anesthetic for a broken heart.


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Written by Sabrina Alexis

I’m Sabrina Alexis, the co-founder, and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing relatable, insightful articles that help people understand relationship dynamics and how to get the love they want. I have a degree in psychology and have spent the last 10 years interviewing countless men and reading and studying as much as I can to better understand human psychology and how men operate. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Instagram.

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Florencia Lemler

Great content!!!

Reply August 29, 2020, 5:10 am


Trump Brings Prestige to the Mail Order Bride Industry.

For years, International Marriage Services had to live with the stigma of being referred to as Mail Order Bride services. However, many consider the term “mail-order bride” derogatory and feel it demeans foreign women by comparing them to commodities for sale and falsely implying that (unlike local women), they exercise no judgment over the men they meet and would marry anyone from a relatively wealthy country. Even with the foreign women being labeled as mail order brides these companies have grown in popularity for the past two decades, largely due to the internet. The industry grew at such a fast pace it caught the attention of the US senator Maria Cantwell of Washington State, who in 2006 she pushed a bill through congress known as IMBRA or International Marriage Brokers Regulation Act. Although the intent of Senator Cantwell was clearly meant to put Foreign Bride Companies out of business by severely restricting how men communicate with foreign women. In the end, the companies flourished under the new regulations as these business quickly modified their business models.

Kenneth Agee, marketing Director for A Foreign Affair one of the largest so called Mail Order Bride Companies says, “We have always had to overcome this label. Since Trump announced his candidacy for president of the United States, the industry saw a significant increase in upscale business men looking for foreign brides. Once he became president, Trump made it the new status symbol of success to be married to an eastern European women. With First Lady Melanie Trump in the White House, opinions about foreign women have dramatically changed. Once men were scorned upon to be married to a women from Russian or the Ukraine, now is seen as prestigious. And we are seeing huge increase of men seeking foreign brides, our client base is up by more than 200% since Trump has taken office. This month alone we will be taking over 100 American men to the Ukraine, mostly very successful executives.” Beside online matchmaking, the company arranges group tours for men that will travel to countries throughout the world. During these tours the men will meet hundreds of pre-screened women during what A Foreign Affair calls “Social Events” or what Kenneth calls speed dating on steroids.

Critics say these women are just used as arm trophies for business men in America. That men take advantage of the women’s circumstances, both economical and geographical. Kenneth argues, “I would hardly say Melanie Trump has been taken advantage of or refer her to as a Mail Order Bride. Women choose just like the men choose, we are all adults and are responsible for our own choices. It is just that men in America have a good reputation for the way we treat women and how we take care of our families. This opens the door to the men to meet some of the most beautiful women in the world.”

Trump is not the only high profile person to marry a foreign women, Jeb Bush met his wife in Mexico. Rupert Murdoch former CEO of Fox News married Wendi Deng from China, and the list goes on.

If Trump accomplishes nothing else during his presidency he has clearly helped one Industry.

Reply August 17, 2017, 1:35 am


It’s true: the first cut is the deepest.

I’m in the process of getting over a man whom I’ve shared a wonderful relationship with for 5 years. We’re from a little island and we were classmates in 5th grade, which is how we both met. Our 5th grade teacher and the rest of our entire class knew we both liked each other. It was all puppy love. He moved to Philippines and ended up coming back home during freshmen year of high school. We ended up being in the same class (what a coincidence) and the same feelings from 5th grade came back. From there, we have been together for all the 4 years of high school. Everyone knew us as the high school sweethearts. Heck, we were even voted “Cutest Couple of the Year” for our batch. We shared our first experiences together (first kiss, etc). The love was so real.

We also did long distance for a year and a half when he went to the military and I went to college. It was around near summer time when he cheated on me during the first year of long distance. I gotta admit, that phase in our relationship was the absolute worst. But guess what? We overcame it. I’m not even sour about it because even when he did cheat, he still loved me and the other woman was simply filling up the empty physical space. They say cheaters never changed… but he proved this wrong. He changed so much from a person who was scared of commitment and wanting to explore (cuz we were young) to a person who was loyal, faithful, and wanted to get married. That summer, he flew back home and the love was still there. I can’t even describe in words the feelings, the touch, the love we shared that summer. This really strengthened our relationship to a whole new level and we came out stronger than ever before. I can say that those 3 months in the summer with him couldn’t even compare to the previous years we have been together.

However, it wasn’t until this year when I stopped believing in his church and the teachings. We’ve overcome so many obstacles in our relationship but he said, “I can sacrifice anything, but not my faith.” He converted me to his church a few years ago in our relationship and it’s safe to say, he was a religious person. I admit that I was too until this year, something in me changed. He takes his religion very seriously (Iglesia Ni Cristo). He tried to fight for me, he never gave up on me, and insisted that I talk to a church minister to relieve my questions/doubts about the church even if I constantly said I didn’t see a future anymore and I didn’t want to go to church anymore. We would constantly put this problem aside for a good 8 months until two months ago, our relationship couldn’t go anywhere. We both saw it coming…. I was transferring to Hawaii for college and we both decided to break up for good. We had several breakups between those two months because we were not ready to let each other go but this time it was official and GOD IT HURT LIKE A B.TCH. We still loved each other so much but our relationship was going no where. It was either me trying to convince myself to go to church again, or him giving up his faith.

Forward two months, I’m here regretting so much for letting go a wonderful man. I was too caught up with loving life that I simply neglected God. I feel like this was Go’d ultimatum for me. He already moved on and found someone else who is in the church. We ended in very good terms and I’m not sour towards the relationship that we had. But I cry everyday thinking of what we had. It truly was one of a kind and I regret constantly pushing him away even if he kept trying for those 8 months. It’s unusual to find that our relationship ended simply because of religious differences. I still wonder what if we see each other again. Only time will tell if our love prevailed after everything that has happened.

Reply October 23, 2016, 9:47 am


I have been in love with my 1st love for 30 + yrs.. We broke up due to him cheating on me 3 wks prior to me relocating to his college with a female that he had me befriend… We went on with our lives, I got married, and then at the time…I met his new girlfriend during a reunion between our friends….Agter we met face to face and she could probably tell there was feeling there…she made him make the decision to no longer talk to me or be my friend for life…As we promised when we both lost our virginity to each other….So 6 yrs later we reconnected and he apologized and I accepted him back into my life…My husband and I were having issues so it was cool to have my best friend back in my life….In 2010I made up in my mind that i was tired of not being with him and again started making plans to relocate…but I started having lots of personal idsues arise and I made the decision to stay with my husband, and my 1st love and i were not getting along….I stayed put and a year later he had a horrible accident and another woman helped him recover..but we continued to be friends. Well my marriage was on rocky grounds again and we planned to see each other on the same day of the month that we lost our viginity to each other 29 yrs ago….to make a decision..on US going forward..We have seen each other and we made the decision to be friends for life….Needless to say we really r not compatible and I am not in love with him as i thought…We stayed in the same hotel room without being sexual….he wanted to but I didnt….I told him that I loved my husband and wanted to comitt to my marriage, and told him that i couldn’t be his friend right now…maybe in time, but i need to recommitt to my husband…but we will still be friends…just not now. He became outraged and felt like I was giving him an ultimatum….and was pissed and left the room…knowing I didn’t have transportation to go anywhere. We saw each other later that day and had drinks…but I was ready to go home to my husband and didn’t give a damn about him……So now he is pissed and acting like an ass and refusing to talk to me…so I sent him a text this morning…telling him how disappointed I am with his behavior when I have been in love with him ALL these years and told him to have a great life…but I am DONE…I deleted everything with him…tore up pictures, left momentous of our past in that hotel room…Blocked his number and focusing on my life…..Now my question Am I wrong..or should I just keep it moving and not be concerned about keeping our promise….My mother and best friend from high school…who knew our love for each other very well…advised me to allow him time to get over the disappointing visit..and stated we will be friends again…but I am not sure I want to…I have been the constant fixture in his life for 30 + yes…..Please help…

Reply April 27, 2016, 10:43 pm


Honestly, this article is really depressing, especially for people who are heart broken. Probably not the best article to market towards people who are heart broken if you want them to feel better…

Reply April 5, 2016, 11:54 pm


I’ve been reading these types of articles over the past few months (great one here, btw), for a specific reason which I’ll explain shortly. I don’t want to sound discouraging, but I’m here to tell you that you may never get over your first love, especially if it was a true love. I’m a lot older than most of you & here’s my story. My first love & I met in college & were very much in love, dating all through college–broke up after 5 years together, I was devastated, he was too in his own way. But for me I couldn’t eat, sleep, could barely function. We both eventually moved on & I married someone else (been married for 20+ years), he married & divorced twice, he never lived in the U.S. again after we broke up. I found out 2 months ago that he had died suddenly & I have been devastated all over again. I feel like we never actually said goodbye–we were still in contact off & on until I married, & he kept in close contact with my family up until the time I got married. I’ve wept/sobbed every single day since I heard the news of his passing, it’s been horrible–would not wish this pain & heartache on anyone. It’s amazing to me that I still feel so strongly all these years later, those feelings have been buried SO deep for so long. I have many regrets & much guilt. I’ve been in grief counseling & I pray every day for peace & understanding. I would give anything to have one last conversation with him, but it won’t happen until I see him again in heaven. I am so very heartbroken & sad. My advice is that if you feel you have anything left unsaid…..say it! God bless, & my heart truly goes out to each of you who are dealing with heartbreak. Emotional pain can be incredibly overwhelming.

Reply March 13, 2016, 10:13 pm


I went a year feeling nothing after our break up, and now itsbeens almost two years, I’m married and I’m having these random outbursts and break down that I can’t control. My feeling are just soo hurt and I can’t explain or tell anyone truthfully why.. My heart hurts soo bad and there is no cure.

Wish I could hug you,thanks for the hope

Reply February 22, 2016, 7:21 am

Mario McGee

Great article, really, it is.

Reply December 28, 2015, 12:11 am


My first love , we were together for five years got engaged but it all ended 10 years ago, now he is back and wants to get out of his hell of a marriage but for me seeing him after all those years made me nervous seeing him again for the Frist time
it was normal and he was the same nice in your face and stab you in your back . I never thought i could have been so clam about our break up, when it happened i was hurt beyond and i hated him for a few years i always used to call him and cuss him out but after a while i realised i had to move on which i did. We got together with old friends and hang out but for me it was not the same he huged me but i could not remembered with it felt like hugging him but be remembered my smell what my hair smelled like and even asked if i still used the same.product . Fast toward now he wants us to work things out but i cant really make up my mind , it is like forget about our past and remember our history but our past is our history and i don’t want a repeat, it took me a long time to get over him and i did now i just want to remain friends.

Reply December 20, 2015, 9:10 am


Berenice I am not familiar with the donritce of Eternal Recurrence. It seems it would be something to avoid if one were to resign oneself to eternal repetition. Therefore, I can see no reason it would be embraced. (Of course, I am assuming that most religions and philosophical donritces are usually embraced for hope rather than despair.). (Of course, too, I am assuming that eternal ecurrence would be eternally BORING .)Rather, I look at this poem and sentiment as having been written by one who is anything BUT boring and would not abide that in herself. She has lived past lives . I believe that or choose to. (I obviously do not know her and you most likely know her.You have the advantage over me; but I am, nonetheless, pleased with this piece of poetry!). I am going to look up your own, too, dear lady.Now, I must haul my bohemian ass off to the farm. There is about four hundred acres more corn which needs shelling (GMO stuff. My cousins and I have pledged to plant at least a hundred acres of non-GMO next year for certified milling for human consumption. I think there is a market demand!)

Reply December 14, 2015, 9:36 am


Hello! I don’t know if people still even use this website to actually look for break up advice but if you’re reading this I assume you’re going through a heart break. You’ve lost the one person you thought meant the most to you and it really gives you a sort of pain that you feel like someone has stabbed you with a knife in your heart and nothing is going to heal it. I’m 15 and yes I know what you’re think… “She’s too young to be in love” And all that crap but I had a boyfriend called sam who I thought the world of, he treated me like a princess, constantly said he loved me, always wanted to be around me and it was the best feeling in the world but we were with eachother for a year and two months and I know that’s nothing compared to people that are married for 20-30 years but I honestly adored sam he meant more than anything to me but towards the end of the relationship, things started to change.. We got so bored of eachother and gave up. I was so heartbroken to of lost him, I cried on my mums shoulder for days and days until no more tears could make there way out of my eyes! I couldn’t get over him, and it was harder for me than it was for him.. Which made me feel so worthless and awful, I constantly texted him begging for him back but that was the wrong thing to do but at the time you feel like you have to do it but you don’t. Seeing him post to Instagram / snapchat / Facebook was so heart breaking, knowing that he was fine without me really hurt me. So I deleted him off everything, deleted all the pictures and got rid of all the gifts! And to this day, he is no longer a part of my life, but he really did show me experiences that I’m glad I got to do with him. I am now over him and the only place he exists now is my memory! If you’re getting over a break up, remember that you’re worth more and that it will be there loss not yours!

Reply October 3, 2015, 8:06 pm


shauna, I really love your story. all the best ahead! :)

Reply October 1, 2015, 10:27 am


Thank you for posting this. I can’t explain how helpful it was and how much comfort I took in it. I dated my first love from 18 – 24. Thought for sure he was it for me. We made many many promises to one another. He was in medschool during most of our relationship so it was extremely uneven. I gave – he took. Everything evolved around his life and his schedule which I understood for a little since medschool is trying, but then I began to notice how uneven we became. towards the very end of the relationship I found out he had cheated on me with a friend of mine at a party in front of all my friends and his. Then I discovered there was far more cheating that went on. I was appalled, heartbroken, angry, and at the time – relieved. I was exhausted from constantly giving, it felt good to focus on me for once. I began to travel a lot, got extremely into fitness, and met an amazing man that is now my fiancé. I didn’t begin the grieving process until 2 years later (when I knew it was truly over and he was moved on). It took me another year and a half to feel okay again and to this day I still wonder sometimes and I have no idea why. I know I’m a far better and stronger woman than I ever would have been had I stayed in that toxic relationship. I think that’s why it took me so long to grieve, something inside of me knew it was unhealthy so I waited to feel until I knew he wasn’t going to try to get me back anymore. An odd process, but I suppose I usually do things a little different.

Reply September 5, 2015, 7:52 am

Derrick Johnson

I’m a 17 year old male recovering from a break up from my first love. It was four months but in that time I loved her so much. We had so much in common and she was sweet and smart. Not to mention beautiful. I wanted to go so far with her. But she needed to figure her life out and she couldn’t do that with me. So she let me go to find herself.
It’s been two days since then. On the day of the breakup I died dude. I’m not ashamed to say that I cried more than once. The pain has slightly gone away but my thoughts of her continue to gnaw at my weak heart. But after reading this I was able to find some comfort knowing that others have been where I’m at and that perhaps I’ll find love again. Someday maybe.
Thank you so much.

Reply July 21, 2015, 10:07 pm


I need help. Need advice. 2 weeks ago i get to know that my ex boyfriend, my first love, has proposed to his current girlfriend. We have end our relationship 6 years ago. However, I just burst to tear after knowing it. For these 2 weeks, i have been tearing unknowingly and been dreaming about the past. I feel so regretful and scared. Scared that i just lost someone that is meant for me.

The reason for me to break up with him is because we have been very intimidate but not involving intercourse to it. I have a fear to intercourse but i yawn for more. I thought it was weird to think this way as not one of my friend talk about this. I was afraid i am the one that has problem. But now i know, Its because i love him that i yawn for more.

Being in a traditional big family, its very difficult to have a relationship too. Not only that, being the 3rd child, i work very hard to let my parents acknowledge and recognise my presence. I wasn’t in the state to not show more love and time to my parents so that i feel love. Parents love is really something different and when i was with my ex, my love towards my family was questioned. I was so afraid to lose my family love.

So in the end i choose my family. However, 6 years has past. My siblings have all get married and my parents gets busy with their grandchild. I was alone again. Trying my best to help out in my family but realise that i have too lose someone that i should treasure. 3 years ago when i got into a very serious accident, the first thing i want to find is my ex. However, i was just too afraid to find him. I am the one that want the breakup. A year later when i finally get over the depression of the accident, he is attached. I thought to myself, if there is any chance for us to get together, i will go to him.

But now, He has propose, he has deleted our memories. He has moved on. Maybe i am selfish wanting him to remember me. To me, the timing for us to be together is just wrong. If only we start talking later. If only we know each other later, things might have different. This keep appearing in my head. I know i love him. Till now. My heart hurts every now and then.

Someone please tell me how i overcome this. i cant take it anymore. i am so scared of myself, my regrets. I hope to wsih him all the best but deep down i know i want him.

Reply June 18, 2015, 12:05 am


Grace…I sympathize with u….but sweetie do everything u can to get over him….because the love if my life for 30+ yrs…. Just did the ultimate to me….I have been there….and when I tell him to let me have time to get over him …he flips the hell out on me and I have decided no matter how much I love him… I LOVE ME More..

Reply April 28, 2016, 8:11 pm


My first love broke up with me about three months ago, we were together almost two years. He wanted someone else. He was my best friend. He just broke up with me out of the blue. It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I still haven’t let go because I thought he left because of me. I am now working towards healing. I never thought this would be me, really no one thinks that, but it can happen. It’s hard to think about and there’s always alot of crying but I’m slowly getting over it and learning how to let go. I thought that this meant I would never love again because the love I had for him was so strong. I’m not counting myself out just yet though. You have to be strong.

Reply April 11, 2015, 3:19 pm


We broke up a couple of days ago. My first love’s name was Jonathan, I was 17. We dated for a year and I know that doesn’t seem like very much but it was enough for us to fall in love with each other. We lost our virginities to each other and talked about marriage and the future. We were head over heels in love. Then things changed, problems started and suddenly we became this couple that was jealous all of the time. We fought constantly, resulting in us breaking up but over course we’d get back together. I always thought that I would never be able to love again, that he was the one and that was the end of that story. I don’t know what to believe, it hurts, I’m scared and I know I’ll miss him. But I’ll try to get through this for real this time, without going back to the same painful cycle of breaking up and getting back together. Thank you for sharing your story, all of you. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in this and that life goes on. I wish you all the best.


Reply December 7, 2014, 9:48 pm


Me an my boyfriend broke up less than a week ago… he was my first everything. I thought I would be with him for ever ; as he said he wanted me to be his wife and the mother of his children. We had been together for almost 3 years. However, those years were difficult.we had many ups; but many downs as well. He keep hurting me and I kept allowing my self to get hurt. Part of it was because I was in love with him but the other part was because I was scared of loosing him and being alone. I had chosen to rather go through the pain he caused me through out the 3 year than to be alone and seek my own happiness. The last time he hurt me again he said he needed time for him self, to be alone, to fix himself so he could be better for me. I did I gave him time even though I begged him to be with me. I told him that we could fix our mistakes together and with God’s help, but he had chosen not to. 3 weeks passed and I was hurt dying in the inside I texted him I missed him. And through a text he broke my heart. He broke 3 years of my life… I never thought he would break up with me and tell me that he didn’t want to keep my hopes up any longer because he didn’t see a happy future with me… all of this through a teXT message.. after I gave him all of me.. this is how he payed me. I made a decision to erase all the pictures , messages , and things that’s we shared together. I disconnected him from all my social media and my goal is to forget him and all the memories we shared. I hope this doesn’t take long and my suffering will vanish just like he vanished 3 years of my life through a text message.

Reply December 2, 2014, 3:45 pm


Wow This Is The same Exact Situation I’m Going Through At this moment. How Is It For You? Are you Over Him Yet? I Begged him To stay But he Says It’s Better If He Goes so He doesn’t Hurt Me Anymore. I’m Just Wondering How It Worked out For You Because Right Now It Seem Like My World Is Ending

Reply March 9, 2015, 3:04 pm


Omg this along happened to me. I was with him for free years and we broke up 2 months ago he said he just wants to be single and that he just doesn’t love me no-more. It felt like my whole world had ended. He was my first love my first everything. I am still in my recovery stage I miss him so much but I feel alot better now than I did two months ago. It’s just something I have to accept because I know we are never going to get back together. It feel weird though because I can’t see myself loving or being comfortable with anyone else I know it’s early days and it takes time but I loved my boyfriend with all my heart I thought we’d be together forever and then he ripped my heart to shreds. I kind of have a rebound guy but it doesn’t really help me. Because if we stop talking for example then I just remember my ex boyfriboyfriend, so now I’ve just decided to heal on my own. I’m not looking for another relationship as I’m certainly not ready for that yet. Hopefully by next year I’ll be in a different place feeling stronger than ever and never even having that punk in my thoughts!

Reply May 4, 2015, 2:33 am


My first loves name was Ben. We met my freshmen year of high school. He was a year older than me. He was popular and athletic. Everything I wasn’t. He built up my confidence. We dated for two years. We hung out every weekend for two years straight.we texted for two years. We lost our virginity to each other. But he just broke up with me. And this time he’s never coming back. He said it was because he didn’t feel it anymore. And he’s lucky. Lucky he doesn’t have to go through the pain I do. I miss him everyday. And I just want to know when I will be happy again

Reply November 27, 2014, 9:43 pm


From the perspective of a heart broken man……..guys experience the same range of emotions from the heartbreak of a failed relationship…”the relationship”….with the woman who takes just having sex to truly making love, the one who makes you feel as though you are walking on air……for me it’s been almost two years since she ended it with me…..I’m still healing…I’ve dated on the rebound, that didn’t heal me, I’ve ended very long term friendships, because those friends grew tired of my pity party, I even quit 100K jobs, because I was absolutely not focused….I literally walked away from life….I’m a 49 year old man who was involved in a 5 year relationship with the most awesome and physically attractive woman on the planet….all superficial….there was no substance behind her beauty, just a lot of pain, I thought I could fix her, weather the storm, and we would grow old together….not the case…..I’ve finally accepted that I need to heal, move forward, evaluate myself, and trust God to restore me……my experience has been the single most difficult experience I have ever endured….I am just getting the courage to know that I must heal inside before bringing anyone else into my circle……I wonder if it’s still just absolute love for the one who broke my heart or the fact that I have not met another woman who holds my attention and stimulates me intellectually physically spiritually…where there is that mutual chemistry which would cause a change of focus……….

Reply October 20, 2014, 10:27 am


Thank god for this story and all of yours really… I’ve flippin GOOGLED about this just for encouragement… 10 years later. We official met after high school graduation. Did all of college together. My first love… My best friend … My everything. My first love. Broke up after 5 years. Got together last summer after 4 years apart. He says he can’t give me what I deserve. He loves me but isn’t “in love” with me. Sometimes I try to convince myself that he is gay so that I feel better. I can’t help but dwell. To compare every single guy I even have a conversation with. I am so loving. So giving. I just can’t seem to let my guard down again … I think I’m most afraid to try to force myself to not have emotion tied to such a vital and what was wonderful portion of my life. I don’t WANT to forget or want to have ill feelings toward that time… But to think about it is like a reminder fresh all over again … 10 years later….

Thank you all for being so open

Reply August 8, 2013, 7:24 pm


Reading this reminds me of my situation. We were together for 10 years and 9 months. Both successful with excellent jobs and career, bought a flat together after dating for over 8 years. Got engaged and I thought we were happy together until I realised that my ex was extremely unhappy in the relationship so we called it quits!!
In fact I switched continent to be away from him and still I struggle most days. However, I can most certainly say that it gets better every day and time is the greatest healer.

Its been 16 months since the separation, I haven’t been on any dates. I’m just trying the enjoy being on my own and being happy. I wish all the broken hearted people here a speedy recovery and pray that they find love.

Reply May 29, 2013, 5:50 am


I really enjoyed your post. My story is extremely similar and I just want you to know that I really appreciate your words. It gives me hope that I will love again.. it is year two for me.

Reply February 22, 2013, 12:50 am


I’m just out of a year and a half relationship :( I met my boyfriend is Spain (we are from Scotland) when I was 15 and I genuinely thought we would be together forever. He was my first love and we lost our virginity and everything to one another.He ended it a month ago and I still can’t stop myself thinking about him! He ended it cause we werent moving forward as he couldn’t stay over.. And because I put school I’m front of him. He left school when he was 15 to go to college so he doesn’t understand how stressful school was and now he does nothing so of course he had time to put me first. He argued about everything but i still loved him and so never wanted to leave. He wanted to get engaged when i turned 17 and didnt want me going to uni so i could have children.. i didnt want that. I had to delete him off facebook when I found out he was seeing someone else as it killed me but he took it bad. A few days ago he text me even after him telling me he deleted my number and blamed everything on me saying I put in no effort it was all him and there’s nothing wrong with him wanting to be in another relationship with someone who actually moves forward.. Then after the abuse he said hopes he never sees or hears from me again :( how can someone who loved you so much and wanted everything with you now hate you so much :(

Reply February 16, 2013, 4:50 am


My first love was when I was 21 with my best friend that I worked with. We were totally in sync, which I’ve never experienced that with anyone, not even my current friends. He recently broke up with me 4 days ago over the phone, saying that he wanted to be single again. We were together for 3 years and known each other for 4 years. I was completely devastated, shocked and couldn’t control my emotions. Why over the phone? I ask. He said he couldn’t look at my beautiful brown eyes and say that to my face but he kept saying that I was an amazing girlfriend, a wonderful lover and that I deserve better. I immediately hung up on him the first time, then called back asking him to meet me so he can say it to my face. He agreed but followed later with a text to call him back. I called back, a bit calmer than I was before and he gave me a more concrete answer. He wasn’t ready for a commitment. I asked if he was no longer in love with me or if he meet someone else. Neither one, he proclaimed. This made me more confused than ever but I let it slide. He proposed the idea of still being friends but I had to think about it. I never realized how quick I was able to dust myself off and think positive. I cried for 2 1/2 days straight, to the point where my eyes were so puffy I couldn’t keep them open and only slept for an hour the night he called. Everyone handles this completely differently. Some take years or months. Mine took about 4 days. I did call him back to say I would like to stay friends; however, for him, it will take much longer for him to calm down and jump into a friendship.

Reply February 11, 2013, 5:51 pm


This blog is for all of you who love to be in love. Stefanie Ellis, the creator of this blog, posts real love stories of others. Some are funny, some are inspirational, and some are just cute.
Thanks for share this post.

Reply January 18, 2013, 4:31 am

Please read

not to be a hoe i had sex with another guy to try to see if i could get over this and it didint help :(((

Reply November 14, 2012, 10:36 am

Brenda Renkema

I think a lot of this getting over someone stuff anymore is not really as hard as we make it, I say this becasue I really for the first time cared for someone deeply that I could not be with, held on for years.. Then with enough pain had to leave, and it so far as been everyday just more and more happiness for getting myself a new life instead of waiting for him to return anything.

But then in my past I would get torn for months on end.. and looking back none of them I loved or even liked but back then thought they had something to offer becasue they said this or said that, you know pounded future fantasies in my head.

I think what happened is I have been alone for so long that without even realizing it I had transformed into a new more self-reliant person, and rejection hurts like hell especially when you genuinly care for someones soul.

But it is that same careing that made it easy this time, I cared enough about him in the end to care about myself, and he wasn’t any innocent angel, but he was my angel freind for a long time and was always kind even when he was not into me, he was kind in his manners, I do not think he just set out to ruin me.

So I am taking the best of what I had of him with me, and I was not as nice as I could have been, my past got in the way of being happier than I could have been – Many things actually stood in our way of ever meeting and becomming something solid.

But the longing and pains where sucking my energy for years, to where the investment was no longer a healthy thing to put into him, so it was for both of our best interest for me to move on, and I think that is always the case and how you need to see it.. It is for both of you, your feelings can change into optimismn if YOU let it happen, cry when you need to, but being “miserable” is not actually proof of any love .. Happiness and survival is.

And if he misses you suddenly when your happy nad have moved on.. let him work to proove to you it’s going to really last and that it is not just a game of getting you back, men are famous for that, you need proof by action and action is more than words could ever you give when it comes to a man, they will surely act when they know your the one.

Nomatter how much love you think you have, your love alone is not enough, it has to be strong for him as well, You do not want a partnership where you need to question anyone’s motives, you need to know it’s because he really loves you and made the choice to do that on his own, and when he is ready.

That is the most loving thing you can give a man, his desire to have you or even another if it needs to be another person for him, and for you – He should want you to have the best if from another if he cannot give it to you and let you go, NOT expect to have you waiting around in some agony, That is actually exteamly selfish and cruel, but some guys will take you there no problem, those are the one’s that cannot love anyhow, so why bother?

Your time is what you have, men they make typically the descision to propose, So use your time wisely – do not let anyone suck it away with games, nobody is worth that.

Reply October 28, 2012, 12:51 am


Thank you so much for posting this. It’s been over a year since I left my first love. He never loved me, only used me. I gave him everything and got scraps as return. The relationship with my parents and sister disintegrated to such a point while we were together I honestly began to think that without him, I’d be nothing anyway as the bond between my family and I was so irreparably damaged.
Well, I’m glad to say I was wrong. He’d been cheating on another girl the whole time with me, and I was too stupid to realise, or rather too stupid to believe it. I’d gone through the whole rebound thing, self-hating, anything under the sun you-name-it, I did it. I thought I’d never get over him. Every other relationship I’d had since had been imperfect, no one had been able to live up to his standards. In every way, I felt he was The One for me and if only fate had been kind…we would still be together.
Now, in hindsight, I was wrong. And I cannot be happier that he isn’t mine. Seeing what he did to his girl with me makes me feel slightly sick. To think she was unaware the whole time, and that she surely loved him far more than I, they had been together for a year when he met me. I went non-contact in February this year and have been relatively sane since. I’m getting better and realised since I’m still a teenager, I have a long way to go and far more people to meet. Better people.
Thankyou so much for this article. It did help. (:

Reply October 1, 2012, 10:02 pm


It’s funny. When I was with my ex(My first true love that I dated about 6 years)… I thought it was the most wonderful thing anyone could ever have created. I thought our love was special, deeper than a large majority of anyone else’s. Our love was from storybooks and fairytales and we would be together forever. I thought I was one of the lucky few that had find my first love and would stay with my first love. I lost my virginity to him and we both shaped each other to be what we are today.
But really…. The only thing that stuck us together was this weird obligation of a fantasy that we were meant for each other on a subatomic level.
I thought that breaking up with him would be a crime… A sad crime against the purest love ever found. I thought that if I broke up I would never find someone just right… Just like he was.

We fought constantly. I always wanted to break up. Tried… And each time he’d cry or I’d feel bad and in the end, despite all the bad we overcame it.

Oh the worst part was that it was long distance. Visited each other twice a year.

Then I broke up with him last year in the beginning of fall. He didn’t argue. And I knew by then that he was cheating on me emotionally with someone.

It still burned a lot. I felt betrayed because he couldn’t just have been honest and broken up with me instead.. Or at least be honest about his feelings. He had let me do all the dirty work. And I was still not over the notion that I would never find anyone like this.
It was a rough 4-6 months. Cried daily. Thought about suicide. Isolated myself.

Then as time went by… Feelings just dissipated. Im not even aware of when or how exactly it happened. But 6 months after the relationship I could say that I was fully recovered and over him. I could barely even remember the good or bad times. He was just air to me. I didn’t feel sorrow, jealousy, happiness or anything regarding him. Maybe just annoyance at his personality(i’d always found him annoying).
But yea… when this epiphany hit me, I just couldnt believe i’d actually wasted 6 years on him. I gather that we should have broken up 3 years in. Which would still have been pretty decent for most relationships. It became apparent to me that I’d never loved him for who he was, rather I loved the idea of what we could be together. And I’d lost myself in him. I’d seen myself as an extension of him rather than my own person.
I think that in the end, what really broke my heart was not letting him go. It was realizing just how much of myself I’d invested and sacrificed into the relationship.

But Im really proud of myself. I never needed a rebound either. In fact, I enjoyed being alone. The thought of being with others while I was still heartbroken just didn’t appeal to me(though I did flirt a bit left and right).
6 months for 6 years, I gather, is an incredible little amount of time.. I thought I would be heartbroken for years. Yet now I just don’t get why I wept in the first place.

Then….. I got involved in an even weirder relationship x_x after those 6 months. I started liking this guy that I’d been talking to online. The stupid thing is he lives even further away(on the other side of the world in NZ), and he’s almost twice my age.
But I think that it’s safe to say that I love him. I know people say that you cant know for sure till you met, which is true…
But how do I know he’s special? There’s not one thing I tried to change about him yet. I wouldn’t change him for the world. I mean he’s not perfect. Im sure we will have little bumps on the road. But in general he just…. Does everything right. Without even trying.

So I guess… While my first love I thought was perfect… This second love might very well be. But I am also less clingy now and more easygoing. I am not needy or dramatic. And I can just be happy and light. I made a ton of mistakes in my first relationship, but they taught me so many things, and I feel really happy that my first try was ‘wasted’ on my ex. I see now that I would have collected overall less happiness in my life had I stayed with him. Im so happy we broke up. And Im so happy I can be who I always wanted to be in my new relationship. Now I just wonder if it will last :)

Reply August 26, 2012, 2:12 pm


Wow….its so amazing to here such encouraging messages from everyone and know that I am not going through this horrible experience alone. And what I’m feeling isn’t wrong. I was with my boyfriend for 5 years however the first two years were very off and on because he wasn’t really mature enough. However three and a bit years ago we made it ‘official’ (even though everyone already knew)! We started this amazing journey together and went through two deaths within our families which we were able to support each other through. I also nearly lost my mum in a car crash and he was there all the time. We went through so much and then about a year and a half ago his friends decided to really turn on me(for literally no reason- i still do not understand it) and they wanted him to choose who he wanted but I only ever cared about how he felt so I walked away….he realised extremely quickly that the fact I hadnt made him choose showed I really cared about him. So we carried on together and we were amazing, went on holidays, created some lovely memories and then recently his friends started to cause an issue again however this time he accused me of lying and decided to go off with his friends. It was the hardest thing because they dont care about him-he’s a trophy to them and they want to win over me. But he never could and still cant give a honest reason as 2 why it ended although i ended it in an argument about his friends but we have always made them threats but they have never actually been acted upon however this time he did. He decided to do this just before an exam that i had which was so selfish and I dont think i will ever forgive him for that. However, he since has text me at 1 or 2am telling me how much he misses me and loves me but he doesnt text throughout the day. I’m hurting so much because I gave up so much for him, he became part of the family and I did with his. I look back on all the things that he didnt do such as stick up for me when i needed him the most and it hurts so much. I thought he was the one- I thought we were going to the highschool sweethearts that end up together but it didnt and i’m struggling to cope with that. The past year i have been really unwell and i lost a lot of my ‘friends’ because i wasnt able to go out and do stuff so i dont even have them to rely on. I had been hurt before by family members and he knew all this n promised never 2 leave or stop loving me. Another thing he said to me was that he is doing this for ‘us’ because if we continue at the rate we are going we will never be in each others lives again but he feels if we both do our own thing but REMAIN FRIENDS!!!! then maybe one day we will be together again but i have assured him that there is no place for him in my life anymore because he walked away when i needed him the most. I have to see him everyday because we work in the same place and its so hard seeing him with the people that he thinks are good for him- the ones that want him to get pissed(he hates alochol)!I miss him so much and its been two weeks. I want it to get easier and for the first time today I am beginning to become more positive about what my future includes and he also said that he doesnt know what he wants to do with his life whereas I do know and he says he didnt want to hold me back so he let me go. I just wish he would realise the pain he has put me through and for someone who loves me- he has hurt me so badly. Has anyone got any tips as 2 how i can help make this process a lot easier because i really am struggling ! Thanks

Reply June 14, 2012, 2:41 pm

Trisha Renee

I read Shauna’s story, and even read all the comments. And I can’t explain how much I am thankful that there are others like me, who just can’t seem to let it go. I know with time (LOTS and LOTS and LOTSSS of time) I will be able to get over him one day. But right now, it just seems impossible.
We met three and a half years ago. He literally swept me off my feet, but it wasn’t until six months down the road that I fell completely in love with him, because we had become best friends. Throughout the 3 years that we dated, we pretty much went through what a marriage would go through… or maybe it just feels that way. When I had first met him, he was on meth. I was the one to get him off of the drugs, because I was the only one who cared enough to. He’s been clean since. I was there for him through detox, I was there to bail him out of jail (he has a lot of issues in his life), I was there through everything for him… and same for me. He was there when I experienced personal bad family issues, or was hurt about something… whatever. Point blank, we were best friends. Very close. For a year, I lived with him. Slept with him every night. Woke up next to him every day. Fought through the battles of not having a job, not having money to eat or get cigarettes. Miscarried his child, that was very hard. But somehow, we remained positive and got through everything. Got blessed when he got a job that paid 800$ a week, but he was gone for a month at a time. So, I decided it was best for me to go back to school because if I wanted to be a mother to his kids or his wife (which we talked about a few months before we broke up, he asked my ring size), then I better focus on myself and get my shit in order…
Anyways. Toward the end of our relationship, we fought and broke up a good few times. The distance wasn’t good. We never got to see each other, which was something we weren’t used to. I had no problem with it, I could handle it. He, on the other hand, took it badly. He was edgy, angry… The first time we broke up, I was so hurt. But not being able to let him go, we still talked, and eventually got back together. He showered me with things. A new camera, a bracelet from Mexico, stuffed animals, my first tattoo, a dozen roses delivered to my door for my birthday.
I need to stop rambling. Long story short: He found out, THREE years after a hook up, that his one night stand had a child. HIS child. He was really confused, wanted the best for his out-of-the-blue daughter… and left me. He said I didn’t deserve to go through the pain. What upsets me is HE decided that for me. What happened to my thoughts? I could have handled it, I told him I had no problem with it. That I was there for him, like I always was…
It’s only been 2 months, but it’s been the longest, most painful 2 months ever without him. Every day for the last 3 and a half years, he’s been in my life. He keeps trying and trying to come back to me, but I’m just so hurt. And there’s much more to our story that I won’t tell. However, I can’t imagine myself with anyone else. Casey was my heart. My other half. I can’t even hang out with other people, because EVERY time I did, he was always there. He completed who i was as a whole. When I hang out with people, there’s just this emptiness. This wrongness, like… he’s supposed to be there, like he always was. Or, today actually, when I had a guy kiss me. I went home and I cried for an hour, at how I didn’t even feel the tiniest of sparks… I felt nothing. And with Casey, even after 3 years, we still had SO much passion in everything. Kissing, sex, even holding hands or cuddling there was just so much emotion.
He was my first true love. I had been in previous relationships, but… Casey.
Casey was my everything. I don’t want to let him go, but. I feel like I have to. I feel like we’re too broken to fix. We’ve been through so much now that there’s no going back. We have so many grudges and hurt feelings. But we can’t stay away from each other. We literally can’t.

i don’t even know where I was going with this comment…
Basically, I guess I just needed to vent.

I feel for all of you out there who are hurting, and feeling hopeless. I feel the same. But we have to fight through this… it’s all we have LEFT to do about it.

Reply April 20, 2012, 3:36 am


Hi there. Your story was very interesting. Obviously i dont know you or your personal relationship. But i do know this, whats meant to be, will be. And maybe right now is not your time. It sounds like you had avery mature, and “marriage-like” relationship. As in you have both gone thru alot together. That cant be forgotten overnight. My advice to you, would be to work on yourself. Find hobbies, entertain yourself, build yourself up. Breakups are a growing process. You both grow separetly, and sometimes you grow in ways you would have never been able to grow while being together. And again, if its meant to be, it will find a way to be. Many blessings to you. :)

Reply April 28, 2012, 3:50 pm


I just saw this today. Thank you so much for the encouraging words <3 It means more than you know. :) I agree that if it's meant to be, it'll find a way to work out. I still have a lot of night where it's just really hard to get through… but I'm just doing all I can to keep a positive attitude. Again, thank you lots. Blessings to you, too!

Reply June 14, 2012, 9:26 pm


Hey Trisha; it’s been so many months, I wanted to know how you’re holding up?

I too, just went through my one and only breakup, on Dec. 25, 2011. It is 2013 now, and it took completely cutting him out of my life in the last 2.5 months to finally see the little light on the other side. Before that was a year of post-breakup torture.

I actually had to cope by moving out of the country, which was drastic, but it worked…


Reply February 24, 2013, 11:56 pm


Why did he cheat and said he still loves me?

Me and my ex were married for 28 years, had three kids that were on their own with their own kids. We got along great, did everything together, without any fighting. Life was good. I thought it was anyways, but I was wrong. My world came crashing around me all in one day. All that I knew and loved was gone. I got home and my husband told me he was cheating on me. I actually, figured it out by myself several months before, but I told myself I was overreacting. I ignored all the signs because I didn’t want to fight. I threw him out and divorced and now he is living with her. Her and her kids from another man have ridiculed my kids right in front of him, he sat by didn’t say or do anything. I feel like I need some closure and answers in my life, that I obviously am not going to get from him. I have read a lot of things online, it seems like he is going through a mid-life crisis. When all of this first happened he would still find some way to communicate with me. He would tell me none of this was my fault, I was a good wife, and I was a good mother, but he was still living with her. I finally told him to stop talking to me because it was too hard on me. To this point, I have been trying to live my life, been dating, and I push them away every time. One day out of the blue, he calls me up, says it was an accident. My first question is why he would call me after all this time. My second question is why he would let her and her kids destroy his relationship with his kids and grandkids. I know they are having problems, he has told me himself. I was also wondering what kinds of problems they would be facing right now. I am not sure how I feel about him right now sometimes I hate him and others I miss him. From what I have read and heard he will get bored with her and try to come back, is this true? I want him to feel the pain and misery like I did. I am doing really good on my own; I am going back to school. I don’t want it to be disrupted again. What should I say if he tries to come back to me.
1.why would he call me after all this time?
2. does he still love like he said?
3. he has told that him and her are having problems are they having?
4. why didnt he stand up for his own kids? in facted he said that her kids was better then ours? our kids are in college making some of their lives her are not


Reply March 6, 2012, 6:16 pm


I wanted to ask u how strong u had to be and if u ever saw him again? I am actually going through that right now its my 3rd day and im dying inside! Any advice on just a couple of things on how you did it?

Reply January 1, 2012, 9:52 pm


You will be fine. You have to be very strong – but that is easy, because you ARE very strong. You have the capacity, you have the power, and you have the endurance. It hurts, of course. It is hard, of course! But it will be fine. I PROMISE. When my first love left me (admittedly, i was 16, but still), I was BROKEN. I broke down – wound up in the hospital, couldn’t see him for months without bursting into tears, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t think of anything else. I thought it was the end, really. That was IT. But … it wasn’t. It took time, some really amazing friends (this also was very similar to how *another*, later relationship I went through ended), a lot of movies and crying, but with time, came healing. Persevere. Lean on your friends. Express yourself however is best for you (writing? drawing? photography?). And be patient. You WILL be okay, I absolutely promise. Better things are coming :)

Reply January 6, 2012, 9:47 am


Wow. Such inspiration. Love hurts but it also brings fun things into our lives. Ive also been there ounce, and unfortunatly im still craving to be with him. I wish GOD still has a plan of us still getting back together.

Reply November 10, 2011, 3:57 am


Shauna’s story is so real and gives me hope that things will get better. I just got out of a four year relationship almost a month ago. We met when I was 18 and fell in love fast and hard. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with this man, get married, have babies… white picket fence type stuff. We moved in together after about two months of dating and started our lives together. I never dreamed of another man. He was my everything, best best friend, I was part of his family, we were so intensly in love. This had gotten rocky though, we fought, over stupid things. Sometimes the realationship was really stressful and I felt like he didn’t treat me right. He could be controlling and possesive at times. We fought over money, keeping the house clean, normal things. Somewhere between year two and four the days became blurred. There was no more yearning to be with eachother, no butterfiles, the passionate love just faded. Weeks turned into rollercoaster rides with some days being great and it felt like I had my bestfriend back and I was still in love. Some days we fought hard and I told him I hated him, that I was leaving and I didn’t want to be with him. In ways I meant it but I didn’t. I never left. I always stayed. I think we both wanted to go back to the days where we were in much love and we were always striving to get there but I could never happen. We had just been through so much and we could never ever go back to what once was. One morning he woke up and was leaving for work. I looked at him and said in the most cold and utterly monotone voice that ” I love you… but I am not in love with you” We just shut the door and left. That day, I felt so bad and I must have called his phone twenty times. He never answered. He came home from work and told me that he couldn’t be with me any longer and “it’s over”. I had a feeling it was going to happen but I was devestated none the less. I called my mother bawling while he just stood there watching me. I was upset, I yelled at him, I told him he will never find anyone like me. I put up with so much of his s**t. for so long. I had a plan ticket in about thirty minutes and left in about two hours. I packed my stuff. We cried and we laughed, we hugged and said our goodbyes. I was in a state of shock. So here I am one month later. Across the country, trying to figure out my life. I vowed to not speak to him, to make him hurt as much as I was by not letting him hear my voice… or know how I was doing. about three weeks of that and I broke down… sent a pic message of my new car and then called him. We talked about life and how things were. He sounded great. He was doing great. He didn’t regret it. He made peace with his decision. I was devestated all over again. I am thinking ” I still love you, I miss you, How dare you, how can you be okay with this?” Everyday is a stuggle. I try and do things to take my mind off it. It works but temporarily. I recently found out he is now dating someone new and the heartbreak that has developed inside of me is about twice as bad. It’s hard to sleep and eating…forget about it. My stomach is a bottemless pit and my heartaches constantly. I feel anxious and nervous all the time. I can’t help but think about them and what new memories he is creating. I am jealous. I am spiteful. I want to be in love again. He tells me he still loves me and I will have the biggest peice of his heart for years to come, but we were toxic to eachother and things got bad towards the end. Why oh Why can’t I just think about all the hurtful parts of the relationship and all the pain he caused me??? I constantly think about my love for him and how close we were. Heartbreak is a process and it is different for everyone. It may takes months or years as I have found out reading other blogs. I want the pain to go away. I want to stop crying to to wake up six months down the road and be okay. It feels like I left a part of myself with him when I left. I know things will get better. time will heal. love will come. I will be happy again in my life. I have to know this. If you are suffering from heartache, you have to know this too!!! Life is too short. I know it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never have loved at all. It’s so true. It’s a learning experience. It will make you a better person. Heartbreak hurts more than a gunshot wound and to be love feels better than anything in the world… it’s just the way it is. I just hope this passes and I can move on to the next step in the healing process.

Reply July 11, 2011, 1:05 pm

Marketa Carrington

U need this

Reply April 15, 2011, 12:39 pm


Shauna – Thank you for sharing. I’m going to be going through a divorce with my husband soon. We’ve had a 3 year relationship. He said it wouldn’t work due to difference in our morals and views. We still love each other but we just can’t get along. Were still married but he’s already had his rebound girlfriend. I however am staying faithful to my vows until my divorce is final. It’s hard but I know I will make it through. Thank you for sharing your story. It’s good to know I can get through this without a rebound boyfriend. :-) Thank you.

Reply January 5, 2011, 12:46 am


Shauna – Thank you so much for writing your story. I too had a first love starting freshman year of college. I met him online and I was done for. We were together 4 years and the first two years were the best and after that i started to really see that he wasn’t who I thought he was. I had fallen in love with who I thought he was and not the real person. Didn’t help we were 3 years age difference (me 18 and him 21). So I pretty much listened to everything he said about love and life, like i was a sponge. It has only been about 16 months since I left him alone in his condo that he bought for the of us. I moved in with him after I graduated college and thats when i really began to focus my attention on the relationship. I was so busy with my undergrad there were alot of things that went un-seen or I just didn’t have the time to care. I really only saw the happy times then. However moving in I did see what was real, and that was we were two completely different people. He didn’t respect me how I should have been and he just was not what I wanted. So I decided to finally end it and the 3 weeks before I finally moved out, still haunt me to this day. That was definitely the hardest time of my life. I moved out to an apartment in a city where I had no friends or family, just my new co-workers at my first full time job out of college. I did have a couple of rebounds, mainly because I was just fully enjoying being single and finally doing what I wanted and not what my ex wanted to do. I then had a short relationship with someone who i finally started to have loving feelings for (at least I thought) and then he broke it off with me. That was very hard.

Now almost 16 months later I’am still single and slowly i’m finding other ways to make me happy. New friends, traveling, going out with girlfriends. I also just started grad school which is a good thing because it gives me less time to think about my ex. Reading this blog and the comments make me feel less alone and makes me realize that its really just the first love that I miss. I know I can find someone else to love, but i’m still holding on to my ex because I really thought he was my soul mate, and obviously still think he maybe be is a times. But even writing that I realize that it will never work between my ex and I because we are too different and there was alot of hurt that came with the relationship.

I have talked to him recently, which I shouldn’t have and now its just like i’m starting over with the heartache, regret, guilt, worry. etc. I plan on not speaking to him again. I realize that I still have a couple more years left to go in order to be fully over him. Its actually easier for him even though I broke it off with him because I was not his first love. So I think he is out there already having feelings for others, and that just makes me jealous.

I truely thank you for the story and I’m going to focus on enjoying my single life and living every day as it is my last.

thank you!

Reply September 17, 2010, 6:56 pm


I like your story b/c it sounds like what I am going through now. I moved to another state after knowing deep down it wouldn’t work. I think i hurt myself more than I hurt him. In reality, i didn’t want to hurt anyone. I just wanted to make things better, move to another state go to school and live my life with him hopefully again. We dated 3 years and 6 months, we had a house and almost marriage. I wanted to go to school, get myself financially settled b/c we always fought about money and I know with the degree I currently have I couldn’t help like I should. i hope i can get over this. Which I know I will. I am glad you shared your story b/c it gives me hope. He was my best friend and his family I considered my own. Though I moved not to be selfish I hope life works out the way I foresaw it.

Reply December 6, 2009, 2:27 pm


Thank you for sharing your story, i feel like it gives me hope that i can get over my x.

Reply September 15, 2009, 11:03 pm


Thank you for sharing your story. Having come out of a five year relationship…it feels so good to know that I’m not alone and that the time to be single should be cherished. So here goes…

Reply May 27, 2009, 2:31 pm


Thank you so much for sharing this… having been out of a three year relationship for just about nine months now and still feeling heartache, it’s comforting to know that things will work out.

Reply May 22, 2009, 9:23 pm

Ms. Rose

Well I think you should all go out and spread …. your loving!

Reply May 11, 2009, 10:46 am


I totally agree with Sarah. Thanks for sharing your story Shauna!

Reply May 11, 2009, 10:25 am


Shauna, I love your story because you got over it with no rebound. I feel that is so key in getting over someone. You have to get over it by yourself. Im going through the same thing right now, and your story has aided in my recovery process. Thanks for sharing!

Reply May 11, 2009, 10:13 am

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