If you’re wondering, “Does my ex still love me?” (or even your boyfriend or husband), then this article will tell you exactly how to know if he still loves you for sure.
After a breakup, it’s only natural to wonder if your ex still loves you … especially if you still have those feelings for him. The short answer is, he probably does. A breakup doesn’t usually mark the total breakdown of the love you once shared—it’s probably still there, buried under the weight of everything that happened to split you up. Love doesn’t disappear just because one or both of you made the decision to walk away.
Of course, it’s always possible the hurts committed are unforgivable, enough to deaden the love he had for you. For instance, if you cheated on him he may still love you deep down, but you may have caused irreparable harm and he’s basically numb to you. Every situation is different because every couple is different.
If you want to get back together, he needs to still love you. If the love is still there and both people are willing to try to make the necessary changes in order for the relationship to work, then you stand a real chance.
So how do you know if he still loves you?
Before We Start…
Before trying to uncover if he still loves you and wants you back, ask yourself: do you want him back? Do you still love him? It’s easy to get trapped in a cycle of wanting someone because we can’t have him, or wanting someone because we feel like him not wanting us is a reflection of our value.
So, do you genuinely think he’s the guy for you, or are you trying to mend a bruised ego?
You broke up for a reason, probably many reasons. Do you think you’ll be able to fix what was broken the first time around? What has changed?
You need to be realistic and objective. Don’t just blindly follow your heart; use your head. Missing someone isn’t enough. You need to be fundamentally compatible and capable of working together to fix whatever was broken, and you both have to want it.
Using your head instead of your heart to work through things won’t be easy, and that’s why you need no contact. You have to take time after the breakup before you make any major moves—I suggest a period of no contact for at least 30 days. Take this time to focus on yourself and what you want. Try to determine if he truly is what’s best for you. If after this time you’re sure you’d like to try again, then you can start considering the signs that he still loves you, and once you’re sure he does, reach out and see if he wants to try again. (Make sure to read this article for everything you need to know about the no contact rule.)
The following signs are mostly in regards to an ex, but are also applicable to a guy you’re currently seeing, or maybe even married to.
Does he still love you? Look for these signs:
1. He is happy when he sees you
When you’re over an ex or have bitter feelings toward them, you don’t exactly light up when you happen to run into them. If he’s warm, friendly, kind, flirty, and genuinely happy to see you, this indicates he’s still harboring feelings for you and is probably open to trying again.
Don’t try to run into him during your no contact period to see how he acts, because everything will still be too fresh. You won’t be thinking clearly because your emotions will get in the way and make you a poor judge of what’s going on. This means not going to his favorite coffee shop or to parties you think he might be at. But if you run into him after the no contact period and he seems genuinely happy to see you, there’s a good chance he still loves you.
2. He’s hot and cold
Hot and cold behavior manifests when we’re in a state of emotional confusion and turmoil, and nothing can create these feelings quite like being broken up with someone who you still have feelings for.
If one day he’s cold and withdrawn and the next he’s acting like your best friend, and the next like a jerk, and the next all mushy and lovey-dovey … well, that’s basically the definition of hot and cold and confused.
If he was truly done, he would just be done. If he’s all over the place, it means he has lingering feelings. That doesn’t mean it’s a good time to get back together, of course. If he’s all over the map he might need some time to sort himself out and fix whatever’s going on with him before he can fix what went wrong in your relationship. But it’s a good sign he still loves you.
3. He has strong emotional reactions when it comes to you
The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. If it’s obvious he couldn’t care less about seeing you or having contact with you, if running into you feels like running into the postman, like he barely registers the interaction, well then he’s indifferent and you can be sure there’s no love lost on his end.
But if his response to you is intense, there’s a chance it’s based in strong feelings of love. Strong emotions can show themselves in different ways. Does he exhibit extreme elation when he runs into you? Or extreme anger if he finds out you’re dating another guy? Or extreme sadness because he misses you?
The point is, he won’t be cool as a cucumber when it comes to you. He won’t act like he’s running into an old acquaintance or like you’re nothing to him.
4. He tries to get your attention
He may post things online, like photos of himself with other girls, or photos of him having a blast with his buddies. This means he cares what you think and is hoping you’ll notice and reach out.
He may even post sad and sappy quotes, things that hint at what he’s feeling or going through. If you were a confidante, someone he trusted and shared everything with, he probably wants to continue to share, even if indirectly.
Basically, he’s doing things to get your attention, it doesn’t matter if it will spark a positive or negative reaction, he just wants to feel some kind of connection with you, and that means you noticing him.
5. He gets nostalgic
If he looks back on your relationship positively, always bringing up the good times and the happy memories, chances are the positives outweigh the negatives for him and he still loves you.
If he’s focusing on the good and doesn’t seem to hold onto any bitterness or resentment, just sadness and longing, then it’s a good sign your relationship isn’t totally lost because you have a positive point from which to start again.
How will you know this is the case? Maybe he’ll post a picture of you he’s always loved or thought was funny. Maybe he’ll text you something he came across that reminded him of good memories with you. Or maybe when you see him in person the warmth in his voice and how he looks at you and what he says—maybe referring to an inside joke or asking about your family—will make it clear he remembers you fondly and isn’t over you.
MORE: Signs Your Ex Misses You
6. He’s miserable
Do his friends tell you he’s a wreck? Maybe they message you to tell you about it, or maybe they tell you in person, or maybe they even tell a mutual friend knowing it’ll get back to you. If they’re talking to you about it, they’re probably concerned about him and they also probably think that you two getting back together could be a good thing.
Although the most important thing is what you and your ex think, friends can be intuitive and objective and have a good feel for whether or not you’re right for each other. If they’re reaching out to tell you he’s miserable, they probably think he still loves you and you’d be good for him.
Or maybe he’s posting about how miserable he is on social media, or you see him and he just looks awful. If he’s trying to reach out directly or indirectly or through friends, chances are he still loves you.
7. You see him everywhere
He always happens to be where you are. Suddenly he goes to the gym the same nights as you, when he used to work out in the mornings. Or he’s rsvp’ing yes to events that you’ve said you were attending, when logically he’d avoid seeing you if all feelings were gone. Is he at your local grocery store even though he never used to shop there?
If he just seems to be everywhere all of a sudden, especially places he didn’t frequent before or at different times that coincide with your schedule, then it’s because he wants to see you, and wanting to see you means he’s not over you.
8. He’s rebounding hard
Rebounding is a classic way to numb the pain. If his time is filled with someone new, he can stop himself from thinking of you. If he’s getting warmth and intimacy from a new girlfriend, he won’t miss you so much.
If he’s all of a sudden going on a tear, dating multiple girls, or if he gets a new girlfriend in record time, it’s a sign he’s either trying to fill a void left behind by you and put you out of his mind, or he’s trying to make you jealous. Either way, this kind of behavior stems from feelings he still has for you.
That doesn’t mean you should step right in and try to snap him out of it. Maybe this is something he needs to work through. Maybe he needs to do this to see what he lost. Or maybe seeing him act this way has eroded your feelings for him to the point that you no longer want to work things out, which would be totally normal.
But the takeaway here is if he’s behaving this way he still probably loves you, and if you do want to work things out you have a chance.
9. He isn’t dating anyone new … and it’s been a while
Conversely, a guy who still loves you may avoid diving back into dating waters.
This can be for any number of reasons. Maybe he doesn’t think anyone can compare to you. Maybe he’s still too sad or hurt. Maybe he’s worried that doing so will ruin his chances with you. Whatever the case, if it’s been a while since you broke up and he still hasn’t so much as signed up for a dating app, it’s because he’s still holding onto feelings for you.
10. He contacts you even though you asked him not to
This can either be the sign of a disrespectful guy … or a guy who just can’t help himself or thinks he needs to make a dramatic effort to get you back. Too many romantic comedies teach men they’re supposed to push boundaries like this if they really love someone. That doesn’t make it a good thing, but there’s a chance he doesn’t understand it’s disrespectful to go against your no contact wishes, because our culture basically encourages this kind of thing.
Only you can know—is he typically disrespectful of your needs or wishes? You need to look at the whole picture. If he’s usually respectful of your boundaries, it’s possible that you initiating a period of no contact was enough to make him realize how much he misses you and wants you back.
The no contact period is a good way to see where he stands. If he just moves on, then he’s out. If he can’t move on, then his feelings are still going strong. Or best of all—if he gives you the 30 days you asked for and calls you on the 31st day, he still loves you and he respects you, win win!
11. He drunk dials you
Even the strongest will can sometimes be brought down after a few too many tequila shots. Alcohol doesn’t always bring out the truth, but it does lower inhibitions and bring out our emotions.
If he drunk dials you, he probably still has feelings for you. If he’s regularly reaching out when drunk, it’s a strong sign he still has buried feelings for you that he can’t express when he’s sober. Of course, you need to take note of if he’s drunk a lot.
Did he drink too much when you were with him? If he’s an alcoholic who’s currently drinking, he’s not in a place to be in relationship anyway. But if he doesn’t normally drink too much and this is just following your breakup, he might be trying to deal with it (and his friends might be trying to help him out) by partying. This is not a healthy way to deal with emotions, and you need to consider this.
Nevertheless, if he’s drunk dialing you, it means that when he’s feeling emotional his mind turns to you, and that means he still has feelings.
12. He reaches out to you, a lot
Does he find any excuse to contact you? Maybe he asks questions he could ask anyone or sends you random articles or memes or songs you need to download. This means he want to share his experiences and thoughts with you the way he did before.
Does he want to tell you things, like when he gets good news or bad? These are all signs he misses you and the connection you had and he’s not ready to sever it.
Reaching out to you is the opposite of indifference. If he’s trying to maintain contact and continue to share his life with you, he still has feelings for you and he’s not moving on.
This doesn’t mean he’s ready to offer you whatever you needed before that might have caused the breakup. Did you want a commitment and he wasn’t ready to give one? He might still not be ready, but at the same time, he still cares about you and wants you in his life. He can love you and still not want to give you what you need, so just keep that in mind. Love isn’t always enough.
But if he’s reaching out and trying to connect with you, the feelings are still there and there may be a chance at fixing things and getting back together.
13. He actively follows you on social media
Actively following you means he continues to like and comment on your posts. This is a form of reaching out that’s less risky for him. Passive following just means he hasn’t unfollowed you yet but doesn’t really pay mind to what you’re posting, and that’s not the same thing at all.
Does he watch all your stories on Instagram and Snapchat? Is he the first to comment when you post, or maybe he messages you about the things you post? The point is, he’s paying close attention to your every social media move. It might be because it’s less risky than reaching out or trying to see you in person, or it might be because he’s not sure what he wants, but he wants to keep the door open while he figures it out. Either way he’s not indifferent and you have a chance at trying again with him.
14. He stays in touch with your friends and family
Unless your friends were all mutual, he really won’t have a reason to stay in touch with them unless he wants to keep an open pipeline to you, and he definitely won’t have a reason to still be in touch with your family. Of course, there are exceptions to this. If you have children together, or if you were in a really long-term relationship and he developed significant relationships that were independent of you with certain of your family members, then this wouldn’t apply.
So if you were together for 10 years and he became very close with your brother, golfing every weekend or going on fishing trips, it’s definitely possible he still wants to maintain that friendship, and him doing so is not necessarily because he wants a pipeline to you.
But in general, staying in touch with your friends and family is a sign that he wants to stay in your life and he still loves you.
15. He gets touchy with you
If you happen to run into him, he can’t help but touch you. Does he seem drawn to you? Maybe he puts his hand on your shoulder or lower back, or he gives your hand a gentle squeeze.
If he can’t seem to help but lovingly touch you, it’s probably because he still loves you.
Keep in mind it will not be in an inappropriate way, it will affectionate and caring. This is not the same as him making sexual advances, which is an entirely different thing.
If he was over you, his body language would be stiff and uninviting. He wouldn’t touch you or try to get close to you. He might angle for a booty call, but you know that’s not love. A man just trying to get you into bed is not a man who cares about you.
If he touches you warmly and in a way that makes you feel loved, chances are he wants you back.
16. He wants to talk about the relationship
If he wants to go back and talk about what went wrong … if he wants to rehash everything … if he wants to hear your point of view and try to get you to understand his, then this is a huge sign he wants you back.
Guys don’t seek out this kind of conversation when it’s over for them. If he’s trying to have a talk about the relationship, about what went wrong and why, it’s because he wants to work things out.
Women may sometimes try to have this kind of conversation for closure, or to make themselves heard, or even to have the last word, but most men will just move along when something is over. The only reason a man will try to talk about the relationship is because he wants a relationship. And that’s because he’s being influenced by strong feelings for you.
17. You’re still his person
You’re still the one he asks for advice, the one he calls first when he has news. He still trusts you and opens up to you and seeks you out. This means he doesn’t want to let go of the intimacy you had. It can be hard for guys to truly open up to a woman, and when they do they won’t lightly throw that relationship way.
Now, he might be doing this out of habit, and it’s not a sign things can definitely be worked out. But it is a sign that he still has feelings for you. Trust is the foundation of a good relationship, and if he still trusts you enough to open up to you, you have something to build on.
18. He tells you he still loves you
And the most obvious sign of all—he comes right out and tells you he still loves you and wants you back. This is obviously ideal. It’s very clear and you know where he stands. If this is truly how he feels, he won’t hide it forever, he will eventually talk to you about it. This might not happen immediately. He may need some time to work through what happened between you, but eventually, it will come out.
These signs can help you know if your ex still loves you, but they won’t tell you whether or not you should get back together with him. He may still love you, but not be willing to give you what you need. Or he may still love you but not be the guy for you because of incompatibilities you can do nothing about. Or you may not love him anymore or think you’re good for each other.
But love, trust, and respect are good places to start. The signs I’ve laid out here are basically about these three things. If he’s showing you he has these for you, there’s always a chance things can be worked out. Only you can know if they should be.
I hope this article showed you what to look for to determine if he still loves you. But if you want to get your ex back, there’s more you need to know. Do you know what to do to inspire him to come back and commit to you for good? Do you know what makes a man truly miss a woman and realize he doesn’t want to live without her? Do you know the best way to get your ex back and make it work this time around? If not, read this next: Do You Want Your Ex Boyfriend Back? Use This to Get Him Back...
These Are the Signs He Still Loves You:
- He is happy when he sees you
- He’s hot and cold
- He has strong emotional reactions when it comes to you
- He tries to get your attention
- He gets nostalgic
- He’s miserable
- You see him everywhere
- He’s rebounding hard
- He isn’t dating anyone new … and it’s been a while
- He contacts you even though you asked him not to
- He drunk dials you
- He reaches out to you, a lot
- He actively follows you on social media
- He stays in touch with your friends and family
- He gets touchy with you
- He wants to talk about the relationship
- You’re still his person
- He tells you he still loves you