Ask a Guy: Exactly How To Turn A Guy On (How To Seduce A Guy, Part 2) post image

Ask a Guy: Exactly How To Turn A Guy On (How To Seduce A Guy, Part 2)


I’d like to know specific things I can do to turn on a man.  I read your last article about the having the right mindset to seduce men, but I’d like to know what behaviors, tactics, and actions a woman can take to make a guy really turned on and hot to pursue me.

Can you talk about how to turn a guy on through specific actions?

Yes, this article will be all about specific things you can do to turn a man on.

In many ways, this is Part 2 of my last article about how to seduce a man.  If you haven’t read it, it’s required reading…without that essential piece of the seduction puzzle, these actions will not be anywhere near as effective and run the risk of embarrassing you if you skip the first part.

So if you haven’t read it yet, please do and come back here. From this point forward, I’m going to assume you read and internalized everything from that article.

Also, this article does not focus on the emotional, deep, connection-building side of relationship.  If you’re interested in that, I would recommend that you read my article on “What Do Men Like In A Woman” and “How Do You Find Love?” after you’ve read this piece.

Disclaimer: This is me sharing my thoughts on what turns men on… for your entertainment purposes only, not as professional or medical advice… and anything that you choose to do or not do is entirely on you… I’m not responsible and neither is A New Mode.

That said, this article is a very raw and honest piece on how to turn a man on… in fact, some of you might find parts of it downright shocking, so if you’re easily offended, brace yourself or don’t read on…

As a general note on seduction, I did some quick searching around on the internet to see the top advice out there for women and seduction.  I have to tell you, the top items that come up for how to seduce a man are pretty bad… there were some good ideas mixed in, but for the most part the advice would at best have no effect and at worst embarrass the woman using it.

A lot of the advice was to do some goofy and unnecessary set up and that somehow would turn a man on more than…I don’t know… not acting like a complete lunatic.

So if you’ve ever read seduction advice from some of the popular magazines on the subject and thought to yourself, “This sounds really weird,” (or awkward or embarrassing) then your instincts were right.

Seduction is really simple.

Seduction is simply causing the other person to imagine being sexual with you.

And the biggest key to successfully being seductive is simply being comfortable acting sexual with someone else (whether it’s subtly or obviously).

That’s it… if you’re getting them to imagine being sexual with you, you are seducing them. When you realize that is the target, then you understand how wide your options are in terms of how you’d like to seduce a man.

You can be subtle or obvious, playful or subdued, feisty or sweet.  You can be dressed or undressed, talkative or silent, bold or shy.  No matter what your personality type, there is a way for you to seduce him without feeling awkward, embarrassed, or like you need to be someone else.

You don’t need to wear a white t-shirt with nothing else and randomly get in the shower with him. You don’t need to dress up in a sexy secretary outfit and not allow him to touch you until after dinner. You don’t need to spritz perfume in your hair, wear thigh highs to bed, or dance the Macarena in a clown suit.

MORE: How Seductive Are You? Quiz

Yes, seriously, that is all real seduction advice at the top tier of a Google search.  Well, not the last example, but the rest of it is… and it’s dreadfully misguided and stupid advice. It’s the advice a 12-year-old would come up with, based on scenes from teen movies.

Also, I think this is a good point to tell you a key understanding when it comes to turning on a man: Women tend to be really critical of themselves… they obsess over their tiniest flaws, when in fact, virtually no men would notice most of the things they’re not happy with.

The fact is: Men focus on what they are attracted to in a woman and don’t notice anything unattractive unless you bring attention to it.

So focus on your strengths and remember that he’s seeing you in your best, most-attractive light.  Relax and enjoy the positive attention.

Also, I can never say this simple point too many times: Men are attracted to women.  The more “womanly” you show up, the more naturally you will trigger his pre-programmed biological turn ons.  Forget about political correctness, societal norms, or whatever culture you live within… as creatures of nature, men are going to respond to how females have shown up in nature dating back to pre-historic times… no trend or political movement is going to replace the sexual programming that’s been a part of human beings since the beginning of time.

There Are 3 Kinds of Turn Ons.

First, let’s talk about three categories of turn ons: physical turn ons, behavioral turn ons, and psychological turn ons.

It’s important for you to separate these categories and the effect each category of turn on has on the man and your seduction.

Let’s start with physical since it’s the most straight-forward:

QUIZ: Are You Accidentally Destroying Your Love Life?

Physical Turn-ons

Physical turn ons are anything you can do with your body and touch in order to turn him on. These are things like dressing in sexy and flattering clothing, having a seductive voice, touching him in seductive ways, etc.

Seduction is powerful because it’s happening in his mind.  So a powerful way to think about seduction is that you’re triggering sexual thoughts and feelings within his mind, which he then continues to ruminate on.

Really, people seduce themselves.  All you have to do is trigger it and occasionally re-trigger it whenever you feel like his attention is being pulled away (or whenever you feel like it).

So let’s go through some of the very best physical turn-ons.  Everyone has their strong points and weak points.  Focus on your strengths and improve yourself where you can, but once you know that you’re doing the best you can, don’t worry about the rest.

Let’s begin:

  1. Show off some skin

    – Sometimes it’s good to state the obvious: Men want to see you naked.  So the more skin you can comfortably show off, the more you’re going to be turning on men… especially any skin approaching or including your private areas. No matter how much or how little skin you show, the key here is that you feel comfortable in what you’re wearing. If you feel uncomfortable, you will come across awkwardly and it will turn others off.  If you simply feel comfortable and OK in what you’re wearing, you will be massively turning on everyone who looks at you (in whatever you’re wearing or not wearing).

  2. Touch him during conversation

    – Being touched by a woman during conversation is very seductive. As stated above, the key is being comfortable as you’re doing it.  You can spice up your seductiveness in any conversation simply by occasionally touching him while you’re speaking with him… his hand, his arm, playfully hitting his chest, etc.  If you’re not used to touching a man, a great time to do it is moments when you’re laughing together. Just work it into your conversational flow comfortably and casually without it being something either of you directly put your attention on.  Internally, he’ll feel his walls coming down and start imagine being more and more physical with you.

  3. Embrace makeup

    – There’s a big trend towards looking androgynous, or like you’re not wearing makeup these days (the no makeup look).  Unless the guy you’re with very explicitly tells you that he likes that look, it’s safe to assume he would much prefer you looking hot and feminine… which means using makeup to play up your best features.  Do not look to women’s magazines for makeup advice… Women’s magazines are there to sell you whatever makeup trend makeup companies want you to buy.  If you want to know what turns men on, look at men’s magazines. Look at Playboy, Maxim, Sports Illustrated, etc.  Those magazines don’t feature what’s trendy to sell women… they feature what turns men on.

  4. Don’t worry about perfume

    – Honestly, most men would prefer women to wear as little perfume as possible (if any at all).  Yes, magazines will tell you it’s a turn on for men, but the truth is you’re already using a bunch of products that smell nice (your deodorant, your shampoo, your body wash, etc.)  Perfume is overkill.  Plus, and more importantly, we have pheromones as humans… your natural scent is a powerful turn on, unique to you.  There’s an easy and natural pheromone trick I’ll share with you in a moment, but just know that perfume is counterproductive for the most part.

  5. Use your voice

    – Different women have different voices and while they have different qualities, all of them can be seductive. Let your voice be feminine. Let it have sweetness. Let it be relaxed and not forced, rushed, or strained. Let it be smooth and not harsh, choppy, or restrained.

  6. Be your hottest self

    – Everyone has a different body type, but always strive to have the healthiest, fittest body that you can.  Being healthy and fit doesn’t just turn men on because you have a hot body.  It’s good for your skin, your mood, your hair, your quality of sleep and just about everything else you can think of.  Life wants you to be healthy, nature wants you to be healthy, and seduction wants you to be healthy. So instead of trying to compensate for being unhealthy with makeup, crash diets, and hair products… work with nature and make healthy eating and fitness a top priority in your life.  The hottest (and most seductive) version of yourself is the happiest, fittest, healthiest version of yourself.

MORE: When To Have Sex With A Guy

Behavioral Turn Ons

OK, so this is where we start really picking up speed.  Behavioral turn ons build on the foundation of physical turn ons.

Simply put, sexual behavior is hot. Sexual behavior is a turn on. Sexual behavior is what men are programmed to respond to, well, sexually.

In order for it to have a great seductive effect, though, you need to be comfortable behaving sexually (whether it’s subtle or boldly obvious).  Seduction is only possible from the foundation of feeling carefree, comfortable, and happy when you’re with the other person.

Observe any woman who is seductive and you’ll find that to be the case every time.

I separate behavioral turn ons from physical turn ons because behavioral turn ons are more deliberate choices you make while you’re interacting with a man, directly intended to turn him on… whether they are covert or overt.

Let’s first talk about subtle behavioral turn ons:

  1. Strike up a conversation – There’s nothing wrong with starting an innocent conversation… and it’s within a conversation that all the magic happens.  So don’t be afraid to start the ball rolling by striking up a conversation.  There’s nothing embarrassing about talking to someone and the worst that could happen is that nothing happens… most people are so afraid to talk to others that they’ll be delighted to have someone to talk to, even if they need a minute to come out of their shell.  Be comfortable, give them the space to get comfortable and let enjoyment and fun be your focus.
  2. Show sexual interest through your gestures, facial expressions and body language – There are countless body language signals you can send, most pretty standard so I won’t waste time listing them all (although maybe if enough people ask for a list I’ll write on sometime), so I’ll just share a few ideas to get you thinking about it.  Doing little things like biting your lower lip playfully, touching your hair, arching your head back to expose your neck, pursing out your lips, arching your back to prominently display your breasts…these are all turn ons but again, it has to come from a place of comfort and fun. Try to pepper it into your conversational flow.
  3. Flashing works – OK, I’m going to get a bit personal here, but one of my absolute biggest turn ons is when a woman is wearing a skirt or dress without panties and “accidentally” gives me a flash.  If you’ve read anything else by me, you know that non-sugarcoating is my brand and while I wouldn’t normally share this… yeah… showing off your kitty is a surefire way to make my heart pound with lustful excitement.  So anytime you can get away with nonchalantly showing off some private skin (down your shirt, up your dress, etc.), you can be sure his engine will be running hot. This is on the more extreme end of covert behavioral seduction, but I figure I’ll share what I know to be the most powerful tactics and you can pick and choose as you like.  On the more subtle end of it, obviously less extreme forms of showing off skin will work (your upper thighs, your lower abdomen, your sexy hip bones, your shoulders and collar bones… these are all sexy too).
  4. Be really turned on – Remember, when you work with nature, you are working with your natural seductive powers.  When you are turned on, nature does all sorts of excellent things to attract men.  Your lips plump up, your breasts engorge and your nipples perk up, your face blushes, your facial expressions naturally soften and subliminally communicate sex… this is all very subtle but very powerful. Remember when I said earlier I have a simple pheromone secret?  Well, when you’re turned on, you’re naturally releasing your pheromones… he’ll pick up on it and find himself suddenly feeling very turned on by you.  In order to trigger all this, you’ll want to embrace your own sexual desire. Allow yourself to be turned on and aroused as you’re talking to him.  In fact, you might even consider masturbating before you see him in order to maximize your lusty, horny, sexual state.  Being turned on will automatically do a lot to turn him on without you having to think about it.
  5. “F— me” eyes – Building on the last point, you want your interactions with him to be soft and seductive… to illustrate this overall point with a specific behavior, I give you “f— me” eyes.  With “f— me” eyes, I’m talking about looking at him with the kind of soft, sexual, eager-to-be-filled gaze that you might look at him with in the bedroom… right before he fills you with his thick, rock hard… manliness.
  6. Make sexy sounds – As stated earlier, a soft, sensual, feminine voice is a huge turn on for men.  Think about it – it’s not as prevalent these days now that we have real time video chat sites, but phone sex lines used to be huge businesses… and it was simply a woman with a sexy voice talking to a guy to the point where he’d climax… a woman’s voice is that powerful.  So one way to supercharge your seduction is to mix in sexual sounds into your communication and especially in the bedroom.  In conversation, it’s normal for people to make thoughtful sounds like, “hmmm” or “ah” or “mmmm” or “oooh” or “ohhhh”.  So in a seduction, you can make those sounds seductive by making them with a sexual inflection… just imagine that you’re making those sounds at the peak of your sexual experience with him.  Heck, as an overall note, practice subtly making your tone more and more sexual as you converse with the guy.  No need to pour it on thick… just subtly making your tone more sexual will have a powerful effect on him and his male parts. Oh yeah, and finally… yes, men like it when you make sounds during sex… so allow yourself to comfortably, lustfully and enjoyably make any and every sound that feels natural to you as you’re hooking up.

Then on the more overt and bold side of behavioral turn ons:

  1. Send him sexy text messages – Frankly, this isn’t rocket science.  If you send a man a sexual text message, he’s going to like it.  Any text message that expresses that you want him to be sexual with you… or that you’re turned on and craving sex right now… or that you want to sexually please him… you’re going to have a captive audience.  If you’re looking for a text message that will virtually always get you a near-instant response from a guy… make it a sexual text.
  2. Send him a sexy picture – Now look… this article is not a comment on digital privacy or anything else.  I’m merely commenting on what turns men on… and I have to tell you, one of my absolute biggest turn-ons is when a woman sends me a hot naked picture via text message or Facebook or Skype or a messenger pigeon or whatever… Hands down, if you get naked and send me some pictures, you’re going to have me under your spell… and there’s no such thing as sending too many hot pictures.  Heck, I have had girlfriends where we’d spend 95% of our time together undressed and I would still want them to send me full frontals (so I could fantasize about them while I wasn’t with them). So again, this isn’t a comment on data privacy… from the standpoint of what turns men on, I can tell you that naughty pics are a top tier, albeit overt seductive move.  If you decide you want to send a man an explicit image, make sure you trust him to be the type to keep it private.
  3. Get naked in front of him – Kind of a no-brainer and obviously as overt as you can get, but still important to mention here… if you get naked in front of him, he’s going to lustfully want to slide inside you.  There are days where I’ll be caught up thinking about something… work… plans… whatever… and then the lovely woman I’m with happens to have the good sense to take off all of her clothes in front of me and nonchalantly saunter around on full display.  Suddenly, I’m not concerned about whatever I was thinking about before.  Admittedly, one of my favorite fantasies is when a woman I’m with casually and unexpectedly gets completely naked and intentionally allows me to see her on full display while simultaneously acting completely unconcerned that I’m wildly turned on.  There’s something about the combination of nudity, unabashed comfort and nonchalant sexual expressness that is a huge turn on for men… I think it’s because you’re seeing everything but you don’t have to “play up” your response to her… the man can lustfully soak her in without needing to act socially acceptable, like he’s not a pervert.  (Men are all “perverts”… the key factor in whether or not it’s a problem for you is if he’s a pervert you’re into or a pervert you’re not into).  Just (kind of) kidding.

Psychological turn ons

So now we’re down to the last category of turn on, which is the psychological turn ons. These turn ons are mental – they play out in his mind and lower his barriers, drawing him out of his normal everyday mode into his animalistic, eager, hungry mode… and setting you in his mind as the object of his desires, fantasies and pursuits.

An important distinction to make is: What’s the difference between throwing yourself at a guy and seducing a guy?

Here’s the difference…

The difference between a woman being desperate and a woman being seductive is based on the mindset the woman has… the mindset which then dictates the behavior.

If a woman is looking to get a certain reaction from a man, her actions will show up as needy, insecure and desperate.  She will come across as if she’s throwing herself at the guy and it will be embarrassing for her (if she’s even aware of it) and a turn off to those around her.

She’s forcing it and evaluating the interaction at every step based on his reactions. She’s not in the moment, she’s trying things and then standing back (mentally outside the interaction) and analyzing it… not a very sexy place to be.  The central problem is her mindset: she’s looking to derive some sense of self from how the man responds to her.

A seductress doesn’t do this.  She doesn’t really care what happens… when she interacts, she’s enjoying the flavor of the interaction.  She’s comfortable, she’s playful and she’s having a good time.

Seduction is about enjoying the flavor of the interaction without caring much how it turns out.  Also, seduction is largely about creating a space for the other person to step into that space because it feels so good to be there.

A metaphor I would use is to imagine you’re in a hot tub… the water feels warm and deliciously inviting… and the guy happens to be walking by.  Instead of you saying, “Get into the hot tub now because I want you too,” you’re saying, “Mmmm the water feels so good in here… the jets feel so scandalously good, gently massaging my body…”  You’re in a place that feels good, you’re already happy and enjoying yourself and you happen to be sharing how good it feels in there.

Meanwhile, he might need a moment to mentally adjust whatever he was thinking or feeling before he started talking to you, but pretty soon he’s going to want to climb in and enjoy it with you. When someone perceives that someone else is in a place of pleasure, the other person wants to move towards them.  It’s just human nature.

And when they do, well, it’s on them.  They decided that they wanted to because they couldn’t resist.  You didn’t force them into it or throw yourself at them… you just openly shared how good it feels to be where you are and they decided to step in with you.

Everyone, male and female, has their hang-ups and insecurities.  So part of being great at seduction is (to the best of your ability) living in a place of comfort, happiness and ease… and then allowing people whatever space and process they need to step into that space with you.

Much of psychological seduction is “going first” so that the other person can lower their guard and allow themselves to be as free as you.  You’ll notice a lot of psychological seduction is affirming to the other person – it makes them feel good, validated, safe-to-explore, accepted, wanted, appreciated, etc.  Men in our society are starved for these feelings, and you can use that to your massive advantage.

Let’s talk about some psychological turn ons:

  1. Sexual innuendo – One fairly innocent and covert way to get the seduction rolling is to frequently phrase things in a way that is ripe with innuendo.  You can do this playfully and innocently and see if he takes the bait… essentially, if you phrase things in a way that he could take in a dirty way, he might make a dirty joke and now your conversation has progressed into a more sexual, seductive realm.  You innocently set it up and he steps into it by his own volition.  In this way, he’s making the move, you aren’t throwing yourself at him.
  2. Draw out his preferences and desires – In the western world and especially American society, there are two prominent types of men: guys who walk on eggshells when it comes to sexual topics (unless they feel comfortable with you) and guys who are more like a bull in a china shop.  The latter don’t require any finesse in seducing them – you merely have to resemble something female with a pulse (if even) and they’ll be on you like white on rice.  But the former group of men are reluctant to be balls-out sexual with you unless you’ve clearly given them the green light… so a massive way to lower his guard and open him up sexually (without throwing yourself at him) is to simply ask him gradually more and more deeply probing questions about his sexual preferences and desires.  And then, when he answers you, be 100% completely open and receptive to him.  Men are not used to sharing their thoughts and feelings with a woman who’s receptive and open… especially about what turns them on.  Simply letting a man share this part of himself with you (and feeling that you fully and openly receive his inner nature) is incredibly seductive to a man.  When a man feels it, he can’t think to himself, “She really accepts the part of me that society forces me to repress, downplay or hide… I wonder what it wonder be like to explore it with her.”  Innocent and simple, as this is, some of the world’s greatest seductions have taken place from this foundation.
  3. Turn the conversation to sex – When you’re talking to a guy, you’re most likely going to comfortably jump from subject to subject… and in any good seduction, the conversation topics will generally move towards gradual more and more sexual topics.  Now, you’re not talking about you and him being sexual with each other… you’re just talking generally about the subject of sex.  So long as you’re comfortable and having fun, you can be certain he’ll be considerably more open to the idea of being sexual with you if your conversation happens to touch on more and more explicit sexual topics.
  4. Dirty talk – I’ve seen women give themselves a conflict over talking dirty to a guy, probably because some magazine gave them some very misguided and goofy dirty talk advice that they then took to be what men wanted… dirty talk is simple and is best when it fits your personality.  If you have a playful, upbeat fun personality, that’s how your dirty talk will be.  If you have a matter-of-fact, blunt personality, that’s how your dirty talk will be.  The power isn’t in the flavor… it’s in the core of what makes dirty hot, which is simply this: Good dirty talk is simply you telling a guy what you’d like sexually.  That’s it!  That’s all it is.  I’m going to share a fairly private story, but it really illustrates the power of simple, effective, effortless dirty talk… there was one night where I just couldn’t get hard… maybe it was the condom, maybe it was the amount of alcohol I drank, maybe it was from being extremely tired… who knows… I was really, really turned on, but the equipment wasn’t working.  At a certain point, she gently pushes me off of her and I slump down next to her, feeling defeated.  She then softly says to me, “It’s OK… you’re going to get hard at some point while you’re laying next to me and when you do, you can just climb on top of me, rub me and slide inside… I want you to wake me up with your d***.”  And with that, I was rock hard.  It was simple – she just told me what she wanted me to do… she communicated her sexual desire to me and that was enough to make me rock hard… at which point of very vigorously expressed my appreciation for her…
  5. Talk about how horny or turned on you are – Pretty simple… talk about how horny you are and, surprise, he’s quite happy to entertain that conversation.
  6. Talk about how good he is in bed and what you like – Building on previous topics, again, guys are starved for appreciation, affirmation and acknowledgement.  So you’ll find that talking about how much you enjoy him sexually will massively open him up to pleasing you more.  I’ll admit that I get harder mid-intercourse when she moans things like, “You’re so hard…” or “You’re so big…” or “I’m so wet” or “You’re going to make me… (you get the idea)”.  One caveat here is that if he’s not good in bed, don’t fake like he is… instead, focus on what you do like, then tell him what you like or would want him to do… all you have to say is, “It really turns me on when you…” and then tell him or guide him into it… it will turn him on as long as you present it as you lustfully communicating a desire, and not correcting a mistake.

OK, we’ve covered a lot… now, on the last page on this article, I’m going to share a few weird but powerful seduction tips to turn men on that I don’t recommend using with every guy, but worth considering.… (continued – Click to keep reading Ask a Guy: Exactly How To Turn A Guy On (How To Seduce A Guy, Part 2))

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Kanku

How to seduce bf on Phn

Reply September 19, 2016, 7:27 am

Shani

Hi Eric 🙂
Thanks on the efforts to write this all down,it really helpful to hear “the truth ” after all the advices and articles there is on this subject…
I wanted 2 ask : I have a guy at work that I like, at first(3 Mon ago) I felt interest from his side, and I thought that I did show that I’m into him,(I tried to make a connection with him & asked questions, ask help) but I think I was too needy in his help, not interested in him. Any way today I am smarter( after ur articles) ,I want to bring this to square one, can I get back the attraction even if it’s a little lost? 2. Idk how your advices will look if I try them on a guy from work, to touch him, and put some dirty comments. I need to see him every day, if this all will went bad how Im getting out of it good?

Thanks alot…

Reply September 17, 2016, 4:58 pm

chrissy

Your write up are really good. Everything u say is true. Thanx and be blessed

Reply July 23, 2016, 2:51 pm

Tonia

I enjoy reading all ur write-ups. God bless you

Reply July 9, 2016, 3:01 pm

Tania

Hey Eric

From the longest I’ve ever known, this is purely the right place and time to finally say that I have truly gained exact information when it it comes to Men from your articles. All of the above mentioned is soo true and raw and as I’ve kept nodding my head and yet smiling while reading through. I love the fact that you’re honest and elaborate thoroughly. Thanks soo much Eric!

And as you know that woman never stop asking hahaha.. I met this guy 2months ago as he is evrrything that I’ve ever wanted. He does exactley what I like and want but problem is, his in a relationship. He was man enough to inform me about and instead I’m falling for him. We call, text and see each other and 2weeks down the line we going on a mini vacation. His girlfriend knows about me and when his girlfriend asked him about me he never denied it and even stated that his In love with me. Problem is, I don’t wanna be asexually active with him yet and as he respects my decision and his willing to wait on me as he says and as he said that he doesn’t care what the world thinks of him cause I make him happy and comfortable. He doesn’t say if we in a relationship or whatsoever and I keep on figuring that out. Should I give him a chance and once on our vacation can I be active as I know that we’ll be intimate?

Confused

Reply July 1, 2016, 7:30 am

Jamie

It’s good to see that you said we can pick and throw ideas (I hope that made sense).

Because some of these ideas are overwhelming for me.

…I’m still not on board with the makeup thing but that’s OK.

Talking sexual is a bit taboo for me; call me traditional. I wish I could find my way in getting comfortable in talking about it because you’re absolutely right. Prudence is becoming my worst enemy.

Well, I’m thinking it’s all about what we’re comfortable about anyways. Thank you, for the insight. The article is very entertaining though it’s not entirely for me. Maybe the mental turn-ons will work. Wish me luck. 🙂

Reply March 21, 2016, 1:30 am

Eric Charles

Glad you liked it — I wanted to cover the spectrum of “sexual behavior” (because really that’s what turns a guy on sexually — sexual behavior)… but as you see, there’s a variety of things. Equally, there are men who are your perfect counterpart and share your preferences for what you’re comfortable with.

Do what you’re comfortable and SELECT the men who respond and meet your standards of what you’re looking for. Granted, there’s nothing wrong with changing if it’s in a direction you consider “self-improvement”, but I would never recommend someone tries to step into being some way that feels wrong to them…

For example, a person might feel that losing weight and improving their hair/makeup would be a self-improvement (and so they would do well going for it)… whereas wearing a short skirt might feel “wrong” to them (and so they would do well NOT to).

Do what feels right for you, pursue anything that feels like it would be an improvement for you and forget about anything that feels “wrong” for you.

Good luck and hope that helps.

Reply March 21, 2016, 11:28 pm

Pearl

Hi Eric, your articles are the most honest and helpful ones! I like how you try to see things from a woman’s perspective. There were a few points where I felt like you could read my mind, lol! Ok, I have a problem and would love to get some advice from you. I’m extremely turned on by my math teacher, he’s like 40 or something and is married. I am 20. Don’t tell me to get over it coz I really want him. If I use these tips of yours, will they work or will he reject me no matter what? I just want to seduce him and hook up with him and that’s all. I’m not trying to get him divorced or anything! How do I ask him to get physical with me? Just as extra info, I think he finds me attractive and is shy around me. He treats me differently from the way he treats other students, in a good way. I’m good at math. So he also knows I’m smart

Reply February 28, 2016, 11:36 am

Eric Charles

Hey Pearl, thanks for the comment.

I’ve been asked questions like this before, and I would take a moment before I answer to say that I don’t impose my morals or ethics on a person reading the question. Your ethics and morals are your business and frankly if a person wants to do something, they’re going to keep searching for an answer until they get the one they are looking for (and block out any moral finger-wagging).

I can tell you that I have every bit of confidence that the techniques I gave in this article and the last one are nuclear strength (so long as you have the foundation in place as described in the first article). I held nothing back in what I provided here.

I’m not telling you not to do this, but I’m not encouraging it either… You’re 20 years old, turned on and want to have an exciting fling… this guy is married, in his 40s and works for the school… IF you were to seduce him and sleep with him, he’s putting a tremendous amount at risk: his marriage, his job and, if applicable, his kids.

I can’t deny that the material in these two articles is very strong, but I hope you understand that for this guy to do anything with you, he’s putting everything on the line for a fling… I know I can’t stop you from pursuing this if you have your mind set on it, but my hope is that you understand what he’d be risking on his side if you lure him in.

This kind of knowledge is tremendous power for a woman… and if you’re young and hot and want to explore, you might not realize that how much power you can have over men. I appreciate you asking the question honestly and frankly — there’s nothing wrong with discussing something, even if what you’re asking is unpopular or controversial, but my hope is in practice that you’re careful, compassion and considerate towards other people’s lives…

(As something who still remembers his early 20s quite vividly, I can tell you that your karma follows you — so if you’re going to do something, find the way to do it where everyone involved ends up better off than they were before.)

Good luck.

Reply February 28, 2016, 2:43 pm

Sara T.

Eric,

Your articles are extremely helpful. What a world of informing and motivating knowledge.

Thanks

Reply February 23, 2016, 12:10 am

Eric Charles

You’re welcome – glad you like them.

Reply February 24, 2016, 10:45 am

Carly

Eric, you are a wise soul, thank you for sharing 🙂

Reply November 9, 2015, 10:11 pm

Eric Charles

Thank you, Carly.

Reply February 28, 2016, 2:43 pm

Kamela

Eric, please help. I just need a quick answer to help me with my feelings. I met this guy 3 weeks ago on line and we met for first time. It was everything we both wanted. He said it was love at first sight and when he drove away he texted me, I am the one. For the next week he said everything a girl longs to hear. He said he loved me and we were going to have a future and he was the luckiest man in the world. We live 5 hours apart so that first week was all texts, calls and emails and couldn’t wait to see me. I went to see him that Sat and it was good. We had a good time, danced went to hot springs drank wine and yes we were intimate cause I was the one. I felt like it was a dream everything I had waited for. When I drove away, fear set in and I felt like something was wrong and to make a long story short, I guess my fears were right. He has hardly texted me in these last two weeks and if he does its one sentence and very formal. I feel like a stranger and he has withdrawn almost completely and said he did want to see me again Thanksgiving weekend, but meanwhile all communication has basically stopped and I don’t feel he is being real with me. I told him if he made a mistake about me being the one after spending Sat with me that all he would of had to do was tell me and I would have understood and respected his feelings and as quickly that I came into his life, I would disappear. I sent him an email on Thursday and thanked him for our perfect first date and for a week of having the feelings of being in love and I told him, that I couldn’t pretend that all he said to me didnt matter. He took my heart in one week and in the last two weeks my heart has been broken. I told him my email was not out of fear, insecurity or desperation and that I didn’t need love or validation. I told him, I was a woman grown and mature not nieve. He has not tried to tell me anything since he backed away and I just can’t hold on to something that no longer seems to be there. I told him, I had given my number to a guy friend I have known for a long time and didn’t see any reason not to go out on a casual date. I fell in love with this man, his heart first and all that he said he wanted for our future. I am a strong independent woman and if a man pulls away from me and gives me no reason or responds to my trying to be the adult here than perhaps he isn’t worth my time or love. I just feel that maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned a guy friend and perhaps by now he would have responded but its to late, I said what I felt and I don’t have anything to hide. I am honest and straightforward and I never would have treated him like he is treating me if I would have pulled away from him first. I didn’t deserve this hurt and I didn’t ask for him to say all those things. I just don’t understand what changed so drastically for him and has pretty much shown me no feelings on his end since I left. Feel so broken and confused. Thanks for listening Kamela.

Reply October 26, 2015, 11:21 pm

Ivy

I’m going to be brutally honest with you so please brace yourself. He used you. He fed you the lines you wanted to hear to get what he wanted from you: the cookie. I’m sorry honey. Before men choose to settle down, they are in “hunting” mode. That is to lay every woman possible. Its in their genes, it’s in their DNA. I’m sure there were attraction at first sight but there is absolutely no.way love was what he felt at first sight. Love takes time, love grows. It doesn’t happen by the first sight. So you gave up the cookie because you believed his lines. After that you became needy and pining for his attention. He already got what he wanted and on top of it, you become borderline obsessive. What else does he look.forward to? You’re already at a double negative here. I’m sorry you are going through this. Trust me, I know how it feels. Let this experience make you wiser with men. Let his actions speak rather than his words. Let him prove to you that he’s worth your time and ever worthy of receiving the cookie. Let this guy go and move on. FYI: not all men do this btw. Just be smarter next time who is genuine and who is not.

Reply November 12, 2015, 6:11 am

K

Eric,

Your articles have completely changed my life! A guy that I was “exclusive” with started to pull away after four months, and I scoured the internet for advice when I fell upon your column. The guy kept giving legitimate excuses for pulling away, so I hung in there for about a month. Finally, I was able to take your advice, and I just let go and started to focus on myself. After just a month of religiously reading your articles and applying them, I’m much happier, I’m enjoying time with friends, and I have been kicking ass at work and in school. Here’s my new issue. Naturally, once I felt like I was back to myself and in a good place, the guy starts hitting me up again to go sailing (the hobby that jumpstarted our relationship in the beginning). I know he’s a good guy, and initially pulled away because I was getting needy, but I don’t know if I should give him another shot. I’m loving this feeling of being free and keeping my options open, and I don’t know if I can include him as just another option, considering how close we were before. Is it possible to take that much of a step back that we’re essentially starting from the beginning (but with a new me)?

Reply July 30, 2015, 5:38 pm

Eric Charles

Don’t make things complicated… you can do whatever you want. The important thing is that you yourself are grounded and OK, with or without a relationship and regardless of anything that does (or doesn’t) happen with the guy.

You were OK before you met him… and you still are OK, as long as you remember to keep your attention on the fact that you’re OK. 99% of the suffering women experience in relationship stuff is because of how they view things and how they lose touch with their own calm, peaceful, whole sense of knowing that they’re OK at any given moment.

Don’t let your mind take on a viewpoint like there’s a problem when there’s not.

Also — I’m glad you’ve been reading my articles and I’m glad they’ve been helpful to you. I always love hearing that.

Reply August 7, 2015, 11:48 am

J-girl

Well, I’m def turned on right now…. great article.

Reply July 16, 2015, 12:57 am

Eric Charles

Hehe… bonus 😉

Reply August 7, 2015, 12:00 pm

Amy

Hi Eric

How can you get an ex back if there were lots of damages done after the break up?? And will he call?? He blocked me from fb and phone calls

What do you think?? Please help

Reply June 26, 2015, 3:37 am

Eric Charles

I’ve wrote about that — search Google for “How can I get my ex back” and you’ll find my anewmode.com article on it…

Reply August 7, 2015, 12:00 pm

Sagi-Ox

lol.. damn! .. I am fasting in Ramadan and this is Hot… need to read it later

… well, someone being honestly acknowledging what turns him/her On.. is a Turn ON..

Reply June 25, 2015, 8:27 pm

Eric Charles

Mmmm nice… hehe 😉

Reply August 7, 2015, 12:01 pm

LollyGirl

ok went through your site. ill ask this. i was in a long distance relationship. broke up with my ex cause he was never around cause life got in the way. he has messaged me and likewise to me several times over the past 8 months. connection was pretty obvious but now i texted him again and he told me he “missed me” this time i went all out to try and work things out. but now hes saying he doesnt want to rush into it and start off with friends, he said he loves me, but he isnt around much cause hes sorting his life out, (he moved and no job) from a guys view what is going on? he has said he wants me back and he thinks about me all the time but in the end he doesnt spend time with me much but hes bloody waiting for what? he said he doesnt like hurting me cause we are apart so much but come on, im 30 this is nuts. times a wasting. plz help. trying so hard to figure this out

Reply June 22, 2015, 5:11 am

Xenia

Dear Eric,
In all honesty, this is probably the hottest thing I`ve read, well…. ever. And I hope it won’t get too ripped apart.

Reply June 21, 2015, 4:40 pm

Eric Charles

Haha thank you

Reply August 7, 2015, 12:20 pm

Shannon

Dear Eric,

I’m actually not super interested in turning men on. The problem I have with men is that they ONLY want sex, not at all that they don’t want sex. But I always like to read articles about men by men because the perspective is usually completely different from the same sort of articles written by women.

The struggle I often have with articles written by men is that they use the word “feminine” as if its meaning was obvious and didn’t need explanation. The huge problem with that is that what men consider “feminine” has absolutely nothing at all to do with being a woman. I understand being a woman. What men don’t seem to understand is that the set of behaviors, mannerisms, and mindsets they consider feminine has absolutely nothing at all to do with how women behave when we’re by ourselves or with each other. It’s something defined by men for men, and many of us simply don’t know what you mean unless you explain it in exactitude.

If you could describe in detail the particular behavior, mannerism, or mindset it is you mean by “feminine” in context that would be extremely helpful for me. I truly appreciate any effort you might make in this area. Thanks for all your advice.

Best,
Shannon

Reply June 20, 2015, 2:17 am

Phoebe

Actually she wanted the author of the article to explain what he meant by femininity not your advice.

Reply June 21, 2015, 10:07 pm

Jeannie

Everyone is welcome to express their thoughts here and Eric is usually very grateful for the people who step up and try to help others.
He is always hard at work doing the things that keep a roof over his head and food on his table and doesn’t have as much time as he’d like to answer every question we have for him.

Reply June 23, 2015, 1:38 pm

Mistral

It never ceases to amaze me how many women today think that TV shows like the Kardashians, Jersey Housewives, etc and really crappy “stars” like “lady gag-me” are the best places to get advice on how to meet and marry good men. No wonder these women don’t know how to act around real, everyday men. They have become just as immature and bratty like the spoiled brat movie, tv, and rap stars today. Today’s women have gotten so lazy they don’t even care about what is respectful and what is self-absorbed stupidity. No wonder our society is going to hell in a hand basket fast!

Reply June 19, 2015, 6:58 pm

Suzi

I find it really amusing that women really worry about seducing a man. Men are easy. You just have to relax and give them space to fill. Women are so anxious and impatient and most men like to take their time. If a man is interested, he will more than let you know; and if he IS interested, then anything you do is a seduction, so you dont really have to try…I think when a woman sees a man she likes, she thinks she has to be overt and.In all fairness, some men love this attention and foster it. but are the first ones who complain. So many mixed messages…I say relax and let the man come to you…If he is interested, he will…It’s that simple…

Reply June 19, 2015, 5:59 pm

Cheryl

initial response…Wow! A most riveting read, thank you for posting these articles.
Your honest writing, I found refreshing, your thought provoking observations and idea’s are gems. I will be study and review, so much to take in Master Yoda…but now I need to tear myself away & sleep

Reply June 17, 2015, 9:24 pm

lauren

I’m trying to figure out how a guy is feeling about me. We went to high school together and have reconnected since then. We went on a date and had a great time. We ended up sleeping together and I stayed the night over at his apartment. We have been texting each day since then. A few days later I went over to his place again and we watched a movie on the couch. He has told me thru text and in person that he could date me and does like me. When I went over to watch a movie, he invited me to a wedding he is in. I didn’t know how to respond to that so I just smiled and said thanks. He also told several of his friends that he likes me and wants to keep seeing me. I am just trying to get a gauge as to how he is feeling. I could see something with him. Am I being crazy? I don’t want to push him away. How do I move forward?

Reply June 15, 2015, 2:12 pm

lauren

We only had sex the one time though. It’s so unlike me to do that. I think that’s why I’m so nervous about it. I’ve never been “that girl”. I guess I’m just worried that he is just saying it to keep getting in my pants. I could see a relationship with him though. He has alot of the qualities I want in a man.

Reply June 16, 2015, 7:15 pm

M

Read this article as well as “part 1” and “what do men like in a woman”, so this is general commentary on the three.

– Would you say that for the most part what you wrote is … instinctual? I was waiting for this article since May when you wrote “part 1”, and after reading this I was kinda like “aah damn, that’s IT?” :p I mean … in reference to this one and the seduction article in particular … I tend to just do most of that without really making any conscious effort/thinking about it. Which brings me to …
– throwing yourself at him vs seducing him … simplified, it’s basically being/acting desperate vs owning it?
– high market value … I’ve read so many “definitions” (I use the term loosely) of it in the articles and comments … I’m not like some super babe, but I do think I’m a total catch all in all and I have pretty high standards when it comes to men/wouldn’t settle for less than I believe I’m capable of having, and … I do tend to get the ones I really want. Would that transpire as “high market value” or just me being, well, fussy?
– I know that you say it doesn’t matter when sex happens (and frankly, I love men and I love sex, so if I want it, I’m not holding back) and sure sure, I get it, if the guy is really into you/connecting, it won’t matter if it’s day 1 or day 90, but … at the same time I’ve been hearing oh if you’re the “prize” the guy is trying to “win”, having sex too soon will make him think that any guy can have you if he could get you so easily, lowering your market value? Just interested in how these can be “reconciled”.

Reply June 14, 2015, 5:44 pm

Newbie

This was a good read. And its all about timing, i would say. I do have one question that is on my mind for a while now. Suppose you see a guy on a regular basis, could be bf or fwb, and you have great chemistry sexually. Is making yourself available every time he wants it, a turn off for the guy long term? Would you suggest mixing it with a bit of tease and making him wait for it, will spice it up?

Reply June 14, 2015, 9:34 am

Eric Charles

Worrying about the relationship is a turn-off… it kills your mood… which kills your vibe… which kills your attractiveness.

Much better strategy to be fully 100% single until a guy locks you down for an exclusive relationship (if that’s what you’re looking for, that is…)

The big mistake many women make is thinking that they can make a man commit… the best anyone can do is create an inviting space for someone else to step into… if they don’t (and they know full well that you could be snatched up on the market at some point), then you can assume that he’s not looking for anything more…

Really, if a guy knows you could be snatched up by another man, he’ll lock down the relationship if he’s remotely interested in having one with you… if a guy wants a relationship with you and thinks another guy could swoop in and claim you, he’ll lock things down fast.

When he doesn’t… well… you have your answer. And that’s good too, since instead of hoping and wishing, you have a clear sign that it’s not going anywhere… and since you’re on the market already anyway, you’re already a step ahead of the game.

Don’t stop being single until you are absolutely, positively, obviously not single anymore.

Reply June 14, 2015, 5:41 pm

Eric Charles

This is a good sentiment for the most part… put your pleasure first (that’s not to say to the exclusive of his pleasure… just means you make sure you get yours)…

Frankly, men want you to be pleasured in bed… they just don’t always know how. Telling a man what you like and what turns you on is not only a turn-on for him… it also helps make sure you’ll have great sex with him. Everyone wins.

Reply June 14, 2015, 1:33 am

Eric Charles

You bring up some valid points…

This article and the last one were each roughly 5 times the length of my typical articles… I had to choose a level of scope that was broad enough to cover a wide range of seduction while still generalizing well to the vast majority of men and relationship situations… but sure, there’s lots of stuff on the fringes that is common enough to deserve serious consideration…

For guys that are into fetishes, they are *really* into their fetish in most cases… far beyond the turn on they get from the “normal” sex stuff. Problem is, I’d have a much longer article than I already did if I went into how to pull out specific fetishes and fantasies to cater to… Maybe in another article…

Reply June 14, 2015, 1:29 am

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