I’d like to know specific things I can do to turn on a man. I read your last article about the having the right mindset to seduce men, but I’d like to know what behaviors, tactics, and actions a woman can take to make a guy really turned on and hot to pursue me.
Can you talk about how to turn a guy on through specific actions?
Yes, this article will be all about specific things you can do to turn a man on.
In many ways, this is Part 2 of my last article about how to seduce a man. If you haven’t read it, it’s required reading…without that essential piece of the seduction puzzle, these actions will not be anywhere near as effective and run the risk of embarrassing you if you skip the first part.
So if you haven’t read it yet, please do and come back here. From this point forward, I’m going to assume you read and internalized everything from that article.
Also, this article does not focus on the emotional, deep, connection-building side of relationship. If you’re interested in that, I would recommend that you read my article on “What Do Men Like In A Woman” and “How Do You Find Love?” after you’ve read this piece.
Disclaimer: This is me sharing my thoughts on what turns men on… for your entertainment purposes only, not as professional or medical advice… and anything that you choose to do or not do is entirely on you… I’m not responsible and neither is A New Mode.
That said, this article is a very raw and honest piece on how to turn a man on… in fact, some of you might find parts of it downright shocking, so if you’re easily offended, brace yourself or don’t read on…
As a general note on seduction, I did some quick searching around on the internet to see the top advice out there for women and seduction. I have to tell you, the top items that come up for how to seduce a man are pretty bad… there were some good ideas mixed in, but for the most part the advice would at best have no effect and at worst embarrass the woman using it.
A lot of the advice was to do some goofy and unnecessary set up and that somehow would turn a man on more than…I don’t know… not acting like a complete lunatic.
So if you’ve ever read seduction advice from some of the popular magazines on the subject and thought to yourself, “This sounds really weird,” (or awkward or embarrassing) then your instincts were right.
Seduction is really simple.
Seduction is simply causing the other person to imagine being sexual with you.
And the biggest key to successfully being seductive is simply being comfortable acting sexual with someone else (whether it’s subtly or obviously).
That’s it… if you’re getting them to imagine being sexual with you, you are seducing them. When you realize that is the target, then you understand how wide your options are in terms of how you’d like to seduce a man.
You can be subtle or obvious, playful or subdued, feisty or sweet. You can be dressed or undressed, talkative or silent, bold or shy. No matter what your personality type, there is a way for you to seduce him without feeling awkward, embarrassed, or like you need to be someone else.
You don’t need to wear a white t-shirt with nothing else and randomly get in the shower with him. You don’t need to dress up in a sexy secretary outfit and not allow him to touch you until after dinner. You don’t need to spritz perfume in your hair, wear thigh highs to bed, or dance the Macarena in a clown suit.
Yes, seriously, that is all real seduction advice at the top tier of a Google search. Well, not the last example, but the rest of it is… and it’s dreadfully misguided and stupid advice. It’s the advice a 12-year-old would come up with, based on scenes from teen movies.
Also, I think this is a good point to tell you a key understanding when it comes to turning on a man: Women tend to be really critical of themselves… they obsess over their tiniest flaws, when in fact, virtually no men would notice most of the things they’re not happy with.
The fact is: Men focus on what they are attracted to in a woman and don’t notice anything unattractive unless you bring attention to it.
So focus on your strengths and remember that he’s seeing you in your best, most-attractive light. Relax and enjoy the positive attention.
Also, I can never say this simple point too many times: Men are attracted to women. The more “womanly” you show up, the more naturally you will trigger his pre-programmed biological turn ons. Forget about political correctness, societal norms, or whatever culture you live within… as creatures of nature, men are going to respond to how females have shown up in nature dating back to pre-historic times… no trend or political movement is going to replace the sexual programming that’s been a part of human beings since the beginning of time.
There Are 3 Kinds of Turn Ons.
First, let’s talk about three categories of turn ons: physical turn ons, behavioral turn ons, and psychological turn ons.
It’s important for you to separate these categories and the effect each category of turn on has on the man and your seduction.
Let’s start with physical since it’s the most straight-forward:
Physical turn ons are anything you can do with your body and touch in order to turn him on. These are things like dressing in sexy and flattering clothing, having a seductive voice, touching him in seductive ways, etc.
Seduction is powerful because it’s happening in his mind. So a powerful way to think about seduction is that you’re triggering sexual thoughts and feelings within his mind, which he then continues to ruminate on.
Really, people seduce themselves. All you have to do is trigger it and occasionally re-trigger it whenever you feel like his attention is being pulled away (or whenever you feel like it).
So let’s go through some of the very best physical turn-ons. Everyone has their strong points and weak points. Focus on your strengths and improve yourself where you can, but once you know that you’re doing the best you can, don’t worry about the rest.
Show off some skin
– Sometimes it’s good to state the obvious: Men want to see you naked. So the more skin you can comfortably show off, the more you’re going to be turning on men… especially any skin approaching or including your private areas. No matter how much or how little skin you show, the key here is that you feel comfortable in what you’re wearing. If you feel uncomfortable, you will come across awkwardly and it will turn others off. If you simply feel comfortable and OK in what you’re wearing, you will be massively turning on everyone who looks at you (in whatever you’re wearing or not wearing).
Touch him during conversation
– Being touched by a woman during conversation is very seductive. As stated above, the key is being comfortable as you’re doing it. You can spice up your seductiveness in any conversation simply by occasionally touching him while you’re speaking with him… his hand, his arm, playfully hitting his chest, etc. If you’re not used to touching a man, a great time to do it is moments when you’re laughing together. Just work it into your conversational flow comfortably and casually without it being something either of you directly put your attention on. Internally, he’ll feel his walls coming down and start imagine being more and more physical with you.
– There’s a big trend towards looking androgynous, or like you’re not wearing makeup these days (the no makeup look). Unless the guy you’re with very explicitly tells you that he likes that look, it’s safe to assume he would much prefer you looking hot and feminine… which means using makeup to play up your best features. Do not look to women’s magazines for makeup advice… Women’s magazines are there to sell you whatever makeup trend makeup companies want you to buy. If you want to know what turns men on, look at men’s magazines. Look at Playboy, Maxim, Sports Illustrated, etc. Those magazines don’t feature what’s trendy to sell women… they feature what turns men on.
Don’t worry about perfume
– Honestly, most men would prefer women to wear as little perfume as possible (if any at all). Yes, magazines will tell you it’s a turn on for men, but the truth is you’re already using a bunch of products that smell nice (your deodorant, your shampoo, your body wash, etc.) Perfume is overkill. Plus, and more importantly, we have pheromones as humans… your natural scent is a powerful turn on, unique to you. There’s an easy and natural pheromone trick I’ll share with you in a moment, but just know that perfume is counterproductive for the most part.
Use your voice
– Different women have different voices and while they have different qualities, all of them can be seductive. Let your voice be feminine. Let it have sweetness. Let it be relaxed and not forced, rushed, or strained. Let it be smooth and not harsh, choppy, or restrained.
Be your hottest self
– Everyone has a different body type, but always strive to have the healthiest, fittest body that you can. Being healthy and fit doesn’t just turn men on because you have a hot body. It’s good for your skin, your mood, your hair, your quality of sleep and just about everything else you can think of. Life wants you to be healthy, nature wants you to be healthy, and seduction wants you to be healthy. So instead of trying to compensate for being unhealthy with makeup, crash diets, and hair products… work with nature and make healthy eating and fitness a top priority in your life. The hottest (and most seductive) version of yourself is the happiest, fittest, healthiest version of yourself.
Behavioral Turn Ons
OK, so this is where we start really picking up speed. Behavioral turn ons build on the foundation of physical turn ons.
Simply put, sexual behavior is hot. Sexual behavior is a turn on. Sexual behavior is what men are programmed to respond to, well, sexually.
In order for it to have a great seductive effect, though, you need to be comfortable behaving sexually (whether it’s subtle or boldly obvious). Seduction is only possible from the foundation of feeling carefree, comfortable, and happy when you’re with the other person.
Observe any woman who is seductive and you’ll find that to be the case every time.
I separate behavioral turn ons from physical turn ons because behavioral turn ons are more deliberate choices you make while you’re interacting with a man, directly intended to turn him on… whether they are covert or overt.
Let’s first talk about subtle behavioral turn ons:
- Strike up a conversation – There’s nothing wrong with starting an innocent conversation… and it’s within a conversation that all the magic happens. So don’t be afraid to start the ball rolling by striking up a conversation. There’s nothing embarrassing about talking to someone and the worst that could happen is that nothing happens… most people are so afraid to talk to others that they’ll be delighted to have someone to talk to, even if they need a minute to come out of their shell. Be comfortable, give them the space to get comfortable and let enjoyment and fun be your focus.
- Show sexual interest through your gestures, facial expressions and body language – There are countless body language signals you can send, most pretty standard so I won’t waste time listing them all (although maybe if enough people ask for a list I’ll write on sometime), so I’ll just share a few ideas to get you thinking about it. Doing little things like biting your lower lip playfully, touching your hair, arching your head back to expose your neck, pursing out your lips, arching your back to prominently display your breasts…these are all turn ons but again, it has to come from a place of comfort and fun. Try to pepper it into your conversational flow.
- Flashing works – OK, I’m going to get a bit personal here, but one of my absolute biggest turn ons is when a woman is wearing a skirt or dress without panties and “accidentally” gives me a flash. If you’ve read anything else by me, you know that non-sugarcoating is my brand and while I wouldn’t normally share this… yeah… showing off your kitty is a surefire way to make my heart pound with lustful excitement. So anytime you can get away with nonchalantly showing off some private skin (down your shirt, up your dress, etc.), you can be sure his engine will be running hot. This is on the more extreme end of covert behavioral seduction, but I figure I’ll share what I know to be the most powerful tactics and you can pick and choose as you like. On the more subtle end of it, obviously less extreme forms of showing off skin will work (your upper thighs, your lower abdomen, your sexy hip bones, your shoulders and collar bones… these are all sexy too).
- Be really turned on – Remember, when you work with nature, you are working with your natural seductive powers. When you are turned on, nature does all sorts of excellent things to attract men. Your lips plump up, your breasts engorge and your nipples perk up, your face blushes, your facial expressions naturally soften and subliminally communicate sex… this is all very subtle but very powerful. Remember when I said earlier I have a simple pheromone secret? Well, when you’re turned on, you’re naturally releasing your pheromones… he’ll pick up on it and find himself suddenly feeling very turned on by you. In order to trigger all this, you’ll want to embrace your own sexual desire. Allow yourself to be turned on and aroused as you’re talking to him. In fact, you might even consider masturbating before you see him in order to maximize your lusty, horny, sexual state. Being turned on will automatically do a lot to turn him on without you having to think about it.
- “F— me” eyes – Building on the last point, you want your interactions with him to be soft and seductive… to illustrate this overall point with a specific behavior, I give you “f— me” eyes. With “f— me” eyes, I’m talking about looking at him with the kind of soft, sexual, eager-to-be-filled gaze that you might look at him with in the bedroom… right before he fills you with his thick, rock hard… manliness.
- Make sexy sounds – As stated earlier, a soft, sensual, feminine voice is a huge turn on for men. Think about it – it’s not as prevalent these days now that we have real time video chat sites, but phone sex lines used to be huge businesses… and it was simply a woman with a sexy voice talking to a guy to the point where he’d climax… a woman’s voice is that powerful. So one way to supercharge your seduction is to mix in sexual sounds into your communication and especially in the bedroom. In conversation, it’s normal for people to make thoughtful sounds like, “hmmm” or “ah” or “mmmm” or “oooh” or “ohhhh”. So in a seduction, you can make those sounds seductive by making them with a sexual inflection… just imagine that you’re making those sounds at the peak of your sexual experience with him. Heck, as an overall note, practice subtly making your tone more and more sexual as you converse with the guy. No need to pour it on thick… just subtly making your tone more sexual will have a powerful effect on him and his male parts. Oh yeah, and finally… yes, men like it when you make sounds during sex… so allow yourself to comfortably, lustfully and enjoyably make any and every sound that feels natural to you as you’re hooking up.
Then on the more overt and bold side of behavioral turn ons:
- Send him sexy text messages – Frankly, this isn’t rocket science. If you send a man a sexual text message, he’s going to like it. Any text message that expresses that you want him to be sexual with you… or that you’re turned on and craving sex right now… or that you want to sexually please him… you’re going to have a captive audience. If you’re looking for a text message that will virtually always get you a near-instant response from a guy… make it a sexual text.
- Send him a sexy picture – Now look… this article is not a comment on digital privacy or anything else. I’m merely commenting on what turns men on… and I have to tell you, one of my absolute biggest turn-ons is when a woman sends me a hot naked picture via text message or Facebook or Skype or a messenger pigeon or whatever… Hands down, if you get naked and send me some pictures, you’re going to have me under your spell… and there’s no such thing as sending too many hot pictures. Heck, I have had girlfriends where we’d spend 95% of our time together undressed and I would still want them to send me full frontals (so I could fantasize about them while I wasn’t with them). So again, this isn’t a comment on data privacy… from the standpoint of what turns men on, I can tell you that naughty pics are a top tier, albeit overt seductive move. If you decide you want to send a man an explicit image, make sure you trust him to be the type to keep it private.
- Get naked in front of him – Kind of a no-brainer and obviously as overt as you can get, but still important to mention here… if you get naked in front of him, he’s going to lustfully want to slide inside you. There are days where I’ll be caught up thinking about something… work… plans… whatever… and then the lovely woman I’m with happens to have the good sense to take off all of her clothes in front of me and nonchalantly saunter around on full display. Suddenly, I’m not concerned about whatever I was thinking about before. Admittedly, one of my favorite fantasies is when a woman I’m with casually and unexpectedly gets completely naked and intentionally allows me to see her on full display while simultaneously acting completely unconcerned that I’m wildly turned on. There’s something about the combination of nudity, unabashed comfort and nonchalant sexual expressness that is a huge turn on for men… I think it’s because you’re seeing everything but you don’t have to “play up” your response to her… the man can lustfully soak her in without needing to act socially acceptable, like he’s not a pervert. (Men are all “perverts”… the key factor in whether or not it’s a problem for you is if he’s a pervert you’re into or a pervert you’re not into). Just (kind of) kidding.
Psychological turn ons
So now we’re down to the last category of turn on, which is the psychological turn ons. These turn ons are mental – they play out in his mind and lower his barriers, drawing him out of his normal everyday mode into his animalistic, eager, hungry mode… and setting you in his mind as the object of his desires, fantasies and pursuits.
An important distinction to make is: What’s the difference between throwing yourself at a guy and seducing a guy?
Here’s the difference…
The difference between a woman being desperate and a woman being seductive is based on the mindset the woman has… the mindset which then dictates the behavior.
If a woman is looking to get a certain reaction from a man, her actions will show up as needy, insecure and desperate. She will come across as if she’s throwing herself at the guy and it will be embarrassing for her (if she’s even aware of it) and a turn off to those around her.
She’s forcing it and evaluating the interaction at every step based on his reactions. She’s not in the moment, she’s trying things and then standing back (mentally outside the interaction) and analyzing it… not a very sexy place to be. The central problem is her mindset: she’s looking to derive some sense of self from how the man responds to her.
A seductress doesn’t do this. She doesn’t really care what happens… when she interacts, she’s enjoying the flavor of the interaction. She’s comfortable, she’s playful and she’s having a good time.
Seduction is about enjoying the flavor of the interaction without caring much how it turns out. Also, seduction is largely about creating a space for the other person to step into that space because it feels so good to be there.
A metaphor I would use is to imagine you’re in a hot tub… the water feels warm and deliciously inviting… and the guy happens to be walking by. Instead of you saying, “Get into the hot tub now because I want you too,” you’re saying, “Mmmm the water feels so good in here… the jets feel so scandalously good, gently massaging my body…” You’re in a place that feels good, you’re already happy and enjoying yourself and you happen to be sharing how good it feels in there.
Meanwhile, he might need a moment to mentally adjust whatever he was thinking or feeling before he started talking to you, but pretty soon he’s going to want to climb in and enjoy it with you. When someone perceives that someone else is in a place of pleasure, the other person wants to move towards them. It’s just human nature.
And when they do, well, it’s on them. They decided that they wanted to because they couldn’t resist. You didn’t force them into it or throw yourself at them… you just openly shared how good it feels to be where you are and they decided to step in with you.
Everyone, male and female, has their hang-ups and insecurities. So part of being great at seduction is (to the best of your ability) living in a place of comfort, happiness and ease… and then allowing people whatever space and process they need to step into that space with you.
Much of psychological seduction is “going first” so that the other person can lower their guard and allow themselves to be as free as you. You’ll notice a lot of psychological seduction is affirming to the other person – it makes them feel good, validated, safe-to-explore, accepted, wanted, appreciated, etc. Men in our society are starved for these feelings, and you can use that to your massive advantage.
Let’s talk about some psychological turn ons:
- Sexual innuendo – One fairly innocent and covert way to get the seduction rolling is to frequently phrase things in a way that is ripe with innuendo. You can do this playfully and innocently and see if he takes the bait… essentially, if you phrase things in a way that he could take in a dirty way, he might make a dirty joke and now your conversation has progressed into a more sexual, seductive realm. You innocently set it up and he steps into it by his own volition. In this way, he’s making the move, you aren’t throwing yourself at him.
- Draw out his preferences and desires – In the western world and especially American society, there are two prominent types of men: guys who walk on eggshells when it comes to sexual topics (unless they feel comfortable with you) and guys who are more like a bull in a china shop. The latter don’t require any finesse in seducing them – you merely have to resemble something female with a pulse (if even) and they’ll be on you like white on rice. But the former group of men are reluctant to be balls-out sexual with you unless you’ve clearly given them the green light… so a massive way to lower his guard and open him up sexually (without throwing yourself at him) is to simply ask him gradually more and more deeply probing questions about his sexual preferences and desires. And then, when he answers you, be 100% completely open and receptive to him. Men are not used to sharing their thoughts and feelings with a woman who’s receptive and open… especially about what turns them on. Simply letting a man share this part of himself with you (and feeling that you fully and openly receive his inner nature) is incredibly seductive to a man. When a man feels it, he can’t think to himself, “She really accepts the part of me that society forces me to repress, downplay or hide… I wonder what it wonder be like to explore it with her.” Innocent and simple, as this is, some of the world’s greatest seductions have taken place from this foundation.
- Turn the conversation to sex – When you’re talking to a guy, you’re most likely going to comfortably jump from subject to subject… and in any good seduction, the conversation topics will generally move towards gradual more and more sexual topics. Now, you’re not talking about you and him being sexual with each other… you’re just talking generally about the subject of sex. So long as you’re comfortable and having fun, you can be certain he’ll be considerably more open to the idea of being sexual with you if your conversation happens to touch on more and more explicit sexual topics.
- Dirty talk – I’ve seen women give themselves a conflict over talking dirty to a guy, probably because some magazine gave them some very misguided and goofy dirty talk advice that they then took to be what men wanted… dirty talk is simple and is best when it fits your personality. If you have a playful, upbeat fun personality, that’s how your dirty talk will be. If you have a matter-of-fact, blunt personality, that’s how your dirty talk will be. The power isn’t in the flavor… it’s in the core of what makes dirty hot, which is simply this: Good dirty talk is simply you telling a guy what you’d like sexually. That’s it! That’s all it is. I’m going to share a fairly private story, but it really illustrates the power of simple, effective, effortless dirty talk… there was one night where I just couldn’t get hard… maybe it was the condom, maybe it was the amount of alcohol I drank, maybe it was from being extremely tired… who knows… I was really, really turned on, but the equipment wasn’t working. At a certain point, she gently pushes me off of her and I slump down next to her, feeling defeated. She then softly says to me, “It’s OK… you’re going to get hard at some point while you’re laying next to me and when you do, you can just climb on top of me, rub me and slide inside… I want you to wake me up with your d***.” And with that, I was rock hard. It was simple – she just told me what she wanted me to do… she communicated her sexual desire to me and that was enough to make me rock hard… at which point of very vigorously expressed my appreciation for her…
- Talk about how horny or turned on you are – Pretty simple… talk about how horny you are and, surprise, he’s quite happy to entertain that conversation.
- Talk about how good he is in bed and what you like – Building on previous topics, again, guys are starved for appreciation, affirmation and acknowledgement. So you’ll find that talking about how much you enjoy him sexually will massively open him up to pleasing you more. I’ll admit that I get harder mid-intercourse when she moans things like, “You’re so hard…” or “You’re so big…” or “I’m so wet” or “You’re going to make me… (you get the idea)”. One caveat here is that if he’s not good in bed, don’t fake like he is… instead, focus on what you do like, then tell him what you like or would want him to do… all you have to say is, “It really turns me on when you…” and then tell him or guide him into it… it will turn him on as long as you present it as you lustfully communicating a desire, and not correcting a mistake.
OK, we’ve covered a lot… now, on the last page on this article, I’m going to share a few weird but powerful seduction tips to turn men on that I don’t recommend using with every guy, but worth considering.