Here’s a scenario that might sound familiar. You’re seeing a guy for a little while, it could be weeks or maybe months. You text a lot, hang out, have fun, things seems to be moving along swimmingly and a relationship seems like it’s just around the corner.
Then poof….he’s gone. Vanished without a trace.
He might do the slow fade out, meaning he stops initiating contact and when you reach out to him he takes hours or days to reply. This goes on for a while until you take the unfortunate hint. Or he “ghosts” and just disappears. He doesn’t reach out and he doesn’t reply when you contact him.
When this happens, the girl becomes desperate to know why. Maybe his vanishing act came after a period of him pulling away. Or maybe it came suddenly, out of the blue. It doesn’t matter, it means the same thing: he’s not into you and doesn’t see this relationship going anywhere. Maybe he met someone else or maybe he just had an epiphany. The damage is done, there’s nothing you can do so don’t torture yourself over it.
I’ve been there, so believe me I know how awful it feels. Like the absolute worst.
Like many women, my reaction was a mix of rage and indignation. Why can’t he just be a man and break up with me to my face?? What a coward!
So why doesn’t he just say this to your face?
Because it’s an uncomfortable conversation to have and he doesn’t want to have it. Simple as that. Also, men just aren’t as equipped to handle emotions and emotional situations as women are, so they avoid them.
TAKE THE QUIZ: Is He Losing Interest?
Most men would rather walk over a bed of burning hot coals than tell a girl to her face they’re not into her. So they ghost. And most of the time, they will reason that the girl is probably on the same page so there is no need to reach out.
They tell themselves that she must know this isn’t going to work out and calling and telling her something she already knows would just be silly, so that’s the end of that.
And most of the time, they will reason that the girl is probably on the same page so there is no need to reach out. They tell themselves that she must know this isn’t going to work out and calling and telling her something she already knows would just be silly, so that’s the end of that.
The reasons don’t matter, the facts do. If he disappears, it’s because he isn’t the right guy for you. If he was the right guy for you…well he would be with you!
He wouldn’t have come up with a list of reasons to never see or speak to you again, and proceed to never see or speak to you again. I know it’s hard to accept, especially if you really liked this guy, but you really do need to just trust that it’s for the best. Why would you want to be with a guy who doesn’t want to be with you anyway? That would be horrible. You want to be with a guy who can’t believe his luck that a girl like you would choose him!
OK, so now that we know why, let’s talk about what to do to help you move on to greener pastures.
1. Don’t reach out to him….under any circumstances! He may have left you, don’t let him take your dignity with him. Girls will come up with all kinds of deluded reasons why they absolutely must initiate contact. I just need closure! I want to know how he’s doing! I HAVE to tell him about this really funny thing that happened!
He stopped initiating contact with you because he is no longer interested in you. The sooner you realize and accept this, the better off you’ll be in the long run. Remember, if he wanted to see/speak to you, he would.