Ask a Guy: When a Guy Doesn’t Text Back… post image

Ask a Guy: When a Guy Doesn’t Text Back…


Ok, I am confused…I thought guys were totally into the text versus actually talking on the phone. But there is one guy who I am interested in who seems to not fit that mold. Help! He takes hours to answer a text message when we all KNOW that our phones are glued to our face. I don’t understand…we will be texting back and forth for a few, then nothing…air silence! I told him it bothers me but he keeps doing it!

What is the deal? I am so OVER the four hour response time…especially when we don’t talk over any other media.

I would say that we guys prefer text because it makes it easier to avoid talking to someone when we don’t feel like it. Speaking for myself, there have been times when I’ve bailed on responding to a text simply because I’m busy with something else.

I think all guys would generally agree: we tend to be single-minded in what we’re doing and focus on meeting one objective at a time. Anything outside of our focus at that moment is a distraction that we don’t want to “deal with”.

The times in my life that I would go MIA on a text message would be:

1) If I wasn’t that into her.
2) If I was really busy with work.
3) If the girl was being needy.
4) If I honestly did not have my phone near me.
5) If I’m with another girl (note: If I’m in a relationship it’s monogamous, I never cheat, but if not dating around is fair game.)

If you want to know why specifically he’s not texting you back (and what to do about it), click here to take our “Why Doesn’t He Text Back?” Quiz.

In your situation, it sounds like this guy will try to make plans and then when it gets complicated, or it seems like it isn’t going to happen, he directs his attention elsewhere and doesn’t feel the need to text further (again it comes down to the concept of a man’s tendency to single-mindedly fixate on fulfilling an objective or reaching a goal).

Now you mentioned that you’ve expressed your frustration over his behavior and he hasn’t changed. The reason for that is simple – when you call a guy out on something (‘why didn’t you call?’ ‘where were you?’ ‘why’d you take so long to text back?’) you might think you’re drawing a line in the sand, but he sees it as something else entirely: NEEDINESS.

I think I speak for all guys when I say avoid acting needy at all costs. Neediness has repelled me away from more women than I care to disclose.

MORE: Ask a Guy: Am I Being Needy?

A few clarifying points: I know the term “neediness” gets thrown around a lot these days, so I want to be really specific in how I define it. Neediness, at it’s core, is a mindset. It finds a way to telegraph itself no matter how much the person tries not to “act needy”.

So when I talk about neediness or acting needy, I’m not recommending that you change how you behave or even try to avoid these actions. Rather, I’m recommending that you change how you think about things and, therefore, the needy behaviors and ways of acting naturally disappear.

So what specifically is the neediness mindset? It’s believing that you “need” the other person to act a certain way, be a certain way, do specific things or say specific things… or else you won’t be happy.

There’s nothing wrong with having preference for what you want and only settling for what you want. No problem there.

The problem with the needy mindset is that when you’re not getting what you want, you have a strong negative reaction because you think of his specific behavior as something you “need” in order to be OK… happy… fulfilled.

A much more empowering mindset is to simply not settle for what you don’t want and seek out what you do want… without blame, argument, accusation or attack.
Also, I want to be clear that good, clear communication of what you want and what you don’t want is part of any good and healthy relationship. So bear in mind that this response to you is from the context that you’ve repeatedly brought this up as an issue and there’s been no change in his behavior.

At this point, rather than calling him out when he doesn’t respond, you would be far more effective if you make other plans when this happens. DON’T wait on him because people tend to fall into a routine with other people based on past behavior.

If you’re always available to the guy, it’s only natural that he’ll expect you to be available whenever he feels like contacting you. If your availability is limited (and therefore requires planning and coordination to reach you), then he will make an effort to set time aside for you and make solid plans with you (instead of contacting you only when it’s convenient for him).

This isn’t just a guy thing… it’s a human thing – we only put effort into interactions that require it. And the interesting part is that the more we put effort into a relationship with someone, the more invested WE become.

I would encourage you to look for opportunities for the guy to make an effort toward you. The more of an effort he puts into seeing you or doing things for you, the more invested in you he’ll become. This is why being accommodating to bad behavior is actually harmful to creating a bond with the guy in the beginning.

Any woman I’ve ever really cared for (and showed priority towards) didn’t settle for behavior that wasn’t what she wanted. She didn’t put up with behavior that didn’t work for her – namely, if I left her hanging, I could be sure she’d make other plans.

Now, I know there’s a lot of talk out there about being a challenge… and that being a challenge is somehow inherently attractive to guys… but I’m here to tell you that being a challenge is not attractive. Not settling for what you don’t want is attractive.

Nobody wants to put up with a person who’s argumentative, unpleasant or adversarial for no reason. On the other hand, nobody is going to admire, respect or prioritize a doormat (who will put up with anything because they’re afraid of losing the other person and desperate for their attention, love and validation).

Bottom line: Don’t accept or ignore behavior that you don’t want… but realize that “not accepting” behavior doesn’t mean fighting the other person.

MORE: Do Guys Really Love the Chase?

Showing the guy that you’re not going to wait around for him if he disappears demonstrates a lot of good things about you: you have your own life, you have options and your world doesn’t revolve around him. A guy wants a woman like this because he knows that you can take care of yourself and you won’t drag him down with neediness.

This is an example of not accepting behavior that you don’t want without conflict.

If he doesn’t change and you continue to feel frustrated by his behavior then… (continued – Click to keep reading Ask a Guy: When a Guy Doesn’t Text Back…)

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Venz

Hi i badly need advise cause i dont know what to do already, i’ve been reading your blogs for quite some time already and i think you have the most reasonable advise than other sites.
Me and my boyfriend been together for almost 10 years already i cannot say that its a smooth sailing relationship cause me my self i admit that its really a rough relationship with lots of ups and downs. then just 5 months ago we became long distance relationship due to he needs to work abroad to help hi’s family needs and for our future as well,,the 1st and 2nd month was good although sometimes he’s pulling away he always explain that he’s just feeling home sick and not in the mood to talk which i understand, until lately we had this argument about his family he’s so mad at me because i feel jealous on the attentions he’s giving to he’s family which we were able to talk about,and fix. However after a week of talking again he suddenly pulled away again,randomly messaging me or if he’s talking to me i can feel the boredom that he’s not interested so i asked him again if theres a problem he just simple answered me that “HE’S NOT IN THE MOOD AGAIN” however i dont know but something is not right,so i keep on asking him about the problem and he gets mad saying that im over thinking things,which i admit i became so needy out of emotion and until now if i feel so frustrated i still bombard him with messages, i dont know what to think and do anymore i ask him if we can talk about it and fix this relationship but he just ask me to back off for the meantime and stop bombarding him, i feel so hurt and neglected i cant accept the fact that he can resist me knowing that im hurting, i messaged him just today and asked him what does he want to this relationship? i asked him if he still want to continue our relationship but he just answered me the same thing to stop bombarding him for the meantime, i asked him if he still love me or if he still cares for me but he did’nt answer me back anymore.
i know that showing my frustrations and neediness to him wont help but i dont know what to do or think anymore i seems like my heart will explode if i dont say what i feel to him about this but yes my neediness just pushing him away further.
what does this mean? is he falling out of love? i dont wanna lose him but i dont know what to do anymore.

Reply July 27, 2016, 1:47 am

krissy

Hello, I’m super confused. This guy and I have been talking for almost 4 months now. We recently have hung out and went on a romantic date together. He finally kissed me. Recently, we have been texting like everyday, and all of sudden he is taking hours and hours to respond. I’m really upset about it because i’m starting to like him and thought him and I were hitting it off good. I don’t know what to do. I feel like i have bad luck with guys.

Reply July 26, 2016, 9:58 pm

anonymous

Am in a situation where me and my crush are married and are in a professional relationship. We have been very professional towards each other .I sense that he is attracted to me but am not sure .I am crazy attracted to him. I know that he values my advice and has respect for me . During our professional relationship we have gotten quite friendly but never crossed the line of a client with each other and i have taken the initiative to be just a tad flirty (if you can even call it that ) with him. He always responded to my texts even the cheeky ones almostin 2 or 3 seconds. Recently my advice has been completed and there is no reason for us to be in touch. Even though I missed him like crazy , I didnt reach out to him as I thought that if he needed my advise he would. So after about couple of months i did text him and ask him how his matter went .His reply was as usual in 2 seconds ,where he said that it was nice to hear from me and he went on a little to tell me about his matter , he ended it by saying that he will revert to be by that nite with the relevant document . So i replied something friendly and said like Ill wait for that .

Its been about 5 days now and i am really missing talking to him . What should I do ? Is his “Nice to hear from you ” any indication that he may feel the same way as me ?Dont know what I want from this but i guess its just a rush to know if he could be attracted to me .

Reply July 18, 2016, 5:10 am

Kitten

To Anonymous: I’m kind of confused. You said you are married, but you don’t even know if he’s attracted to you?

Reply July 18, 2016, 9:16 am

anonymous

Yes i know I sound silly . Im not happily married . We have talked about separation . The guy who Im attracted to well , he has shown some signals that he is too but since my last text in reply to his I havent heard from him. Not sure if I should reach out again .

Reply July 18, 2016, 10:33 pm

anonymous

Ok i get the confusion . I’m married to another . My crush is married to another , that’s what I meant

Reply July 18, 2016, 10:34 pm

Lex

I recently began seeing a guy that I met a work related function. Typically we laugh and have an absolute blast together. We started dating and saw each other three days in a row the first weekend and then the following weekend same thing and then this weekend happened. I should add he is in the process of a divorce and is still living in the house with his wife who met someone else and spends most of her weekends with her new boyfriend. So this weekend we spend at his place – Friday night I made dinner and Saturday we were supposed to go on this day trip which would take about 4 hours of traveling time. Initially he wanted to spend the night at the destination but half way through the day he changed his mind. He had been quiet all day and rather distant. I could feel it and at lunch excused myself to the bathroom to gather my thoughts and re-focus myself on maintaining a carefree, unaffected attitude towards his rather unattractive behavior. I returned to the table and he began to express to me that he was struggling with coping with the divorce and he had spent a lot of time in this town (that we were passing through) with his soon to be ex. He actually started tearing up. I was understanding and supportive. He said he just wanted to go home and do this day trip another time. I was understanding and kindly said I was flexible and could do whatever he needed to feel better. Mind you, getting home took 4 hours. So we spent a lot of time talking in the car and at one point he said he really likes me and cares for me; that this is all new to him (he has been married for 10 years) but that he wants to take a step back and take things slow. We have already slept together and I just don’t see how I can “take it slow” now that we are here. I am thinking perhaps he is not ready for a relationship especially considering he is not even really divorced yet! I forgot to mention his soon to be ex wife cheated on him and asked for the divorce which all in all was only 6 weeks ago. He is supposed to take me to the airport next Friday and I am thinking I need to make other arrangements. Should I back off and maybe just drop this whole thing before it backfires? Or am I overanalyzing an otherwise fine situation.

Reply July 17, 2016, 4:31 pm

Gaby

Hi! In my situation, I was dating with a guy that lives in another country at the beginning he came back and visited in my country like three times. Even when he was travelling in that time he communicates with me every day by texts and called me like every week. Lately, he is travelling again but further than the last time and the first days the communication was still the same but lately he started to text less and less every two or three days. In all this time I was very patience and asked him if he everything was fine and his response was that in long distance relationship this was ver normal that he still misses me and think about me. So I let things by how they was but he continue sending only one message for every two days wich is really booring for me. For now I haven’t answered his last text because like you said I dont want to settle for something I dont like. I hope he texts me again to show that he is really interested, but what do you think should I do?
Regards 🙂

Reply July 5, 2016, 12:33 pm

Julia

So I know this guy we have been friends not close but friends for about four years I met him when I was dating my ex it’s one of his friends. We started texting each other three days ago. The first night he seemed really interested. The next day he texted me in the morning and we texted throughout the day but not as often because we were both busy. His brother is currently in town and he says he is sick but when he feels better he wants to go out . The third day I asked if he wanted to get dinner and I said I know your sick and I’m a bit impatient and forward. I never got a response. Then hours later o said hey how is your day? He responded a few hours later saying long day and asking how I was. I told him good I have had more energy since working out etc and took some self portraits. He replied saying he know how that feels and he would like me to send him one. I did. I never heard back. He’s seen my snap chats early this morning and I still haven’t heard from him. I don’t know how to handle this or if I should ask if I did something to not make him interested? He seemed really into me the first two days saying he was excited to see me and etc. and I don’t know what happened. Any advice?

Reply July 1, 2016, 2:19 pm

Kitten

To Julia: I know people that do that and to me it’s very annoying. When you know they read your text but don’t reply for hours, it tells me they can’t be bothered. But I mostly know girls that do that. The thing is, you never know what’s really going on when they’re not replying. It could be because they’re not into texting. It could be they’re not into texting you, specifically. Or they could have just gotten really busy. I would say if you text him and he doesn’t reply, just make other plans for the day and don’t wait around for him to reply. Don’t check your phone every 5 minutes to see if he answered. Just go on about your day. If he is actually into you, and knows he can’t just text at any hour of the day and you’ll reply immediately, he’ll make more of an effort. I will say though–the reason he might not be replying is that he feels awkward about talking to his friend’s ex.

Reply July 16, 2016, 9:00 am

Chadiwa

hie! i believe men and women shud always run after each other. A man has to show his care and run after his lady. so let the guy play his game if its true lov he will be back for you and give attention.

Reply May 31, 2016, 10:05 am

Bailey

My boyfriend is never home either he’s in school and ill be starting up college too very soon. So we’re hardly together. I think my prob. Is i dont really have any close friends so i talk to him alot about everything. But iv been getting realy upset lately because he dosnet really seem ti ‘care’. But i know he actually does. After reading this and another article iv been ignoring a lot of his snapchats amd texts the past couple days only occasionally answering and just short and simple. But he hasn’t really been texting me. He knee i was upset then i decided ti cool off and be less needy. He snapped me several timesand texted but he hsnt really been that into it. Now he isnt realky texting ie anything tiday. Could it be because im in vacation this week and he think im busy? I know hes not he has the week off too. He has been fishing and thats all je olans to do.

Reply May 30, 2016, 4:03 pm

Kitten

To Bailey: Since I don’t know how your boyfriend acts in person, I can’t say I know whether he really seems to care or not. But it sounds like he’s either really not into texting, or really not into you. Has he ever talked to you about his thoughts on texting or technology? Have you ever seen him text other people, like his friends? Did he seem more or less excited than he acts while texting you? Does he ever contact you in other ways, like calling, for example? These can help you figure out what his texting habits are. But it may just be because you’ve dated for a while and unless you’re making plans, he doesn’t feel obligated to text you every day. And since you said he’s in school, he’s probably really busy. All those things, combined with the fact that you said you only usually talk to him about what’s going on in your life…I’m sure he expects that you’ll be there whenever he texts, so he doesn’t feel like he has to text you all the time. Make other plans, don’t wait around for him. Enjoy your vacation! I’m sure you’ve got other things you could be doing. Wait until after it’s over and you can talk in person. (The fact is, since you’re going off to college soon, you guys might break up anyway. And I’m very sorry to say that if he’s actively not replying even if he’s on vacation too, there might be someone else involved. It’s not for sure. But you have to realize that when guys go off to college without their girlfriends, they might meet other people. That certainly doesn’t validate his behavior though. Don’t accuse him of it, and don’t go looking through his things to figure out if he’s got another girlfriend. If after you stop texting back, he just texts less and less, no matter if there’s someone else or not, he’s not that into you and therefore not worth your time anyway.) Hope this helps. And when you go off to college, you don’t want to just be focusing on guys. Work on getting good grades and doing what you need to do to get the career you want. Guys aren’t the only thing in the world! 🙂

Reply July 16, 2016, 9:26 am

Bailey

But how am I supposed to fee close to my boyfriend? I feel in person he cares a lot and loves me more than anything but any other time i fee its al inadequate. The texts amd stuff.

Reply May 30, 2016, 3:49 pm

Erica

Thank you for your advice. So far it helps not only to get him texting back but also I realised I had a life before he came a long and I tend to make him my life after that. So now im again more focused on other things a used to be than just him.

Reply May 26, 2016, 2:58 am

Deborah

ok so I am going through a divorce and the new guy Ive known all my life we are old neighbors, he is 5years older then me and we reconnected as he works for a company we do business for. Well we started talked before I filed for divorce and we would text everyday all day, well things started happening as I filed and my tension got high with dealing with everything and I took alot of my frustration on the new guy and kind of pushed him away a bit we still talk and we have hooked up, but Im wondering if I completely blew my chances with him, we are perfect together and he has been single for a very long time and also has full custody of his daughter and I have 2 boys of my own. Things were going great till things on my end started going sour. I asked him for a second chance and he told me maybe thats all he could say right now, now keep in mind my divorce is not final yet and he is a stickler about it so its not like we can introduce each other to each others families cause they already know one another but were keeping this low because of me going thru the divorce. I guess Im wondering opinions stay low till divorce is final or just walk away from the new guy.

Reply May 24, 2016, 8:49 am

Kitten

To Deborah: I don’t think it was a very good idea to hook up with someone else while filing for divorce. However, that’s in the past now and you can’t do anything about it. I would say, wait until everything is filed, you’ve gone to court, and your divorce is official. Then you can start talking to him again. Explain why you pushed him away before and apologize for your behavior. I would say get closer as friends and at least date before you hook up. That’s never a great idea when you’re not even dating because it causes you to become closer to him emotionally, and you don’t even know if this will work out. Don’t hide him from your kids if you want to actually persue this relationship for the long run. Hope it helps 🙂

Reply July 16, 2016, 9:33 am

Melissa

Well this guy and I have been dating since may 1st, that week he invited me 5 days.. Then on tuesday 10th again.. And the 11th I came to Miami for vacations and he texted me almost everyday, then on friday he called me..
On sunday we talked over text
And today he texted me in the morning.. And then he stoped answering like 6 hours ago, and I saw him online and he still havent answer I dont understand him

Reply May 17, 2016, 8:14 pm

Kitten

To Melissa: That’s annoying, right? You can tell they’re online but they haven’t replied. This could be for a few reasons. He could be busy with something he’s doing online. He could have not seen your message. He could prefer to talk in person (which may be why he keeps inviting you on vacation). He could think you guys talked a lot recently and doesn’t feel like he has to text you every day. Or it could be he’s just not that into you. I doubt it though, because it seems like this is the first time he’s done this and there are lots of other possibilities. If he doesn’t reply for hours, just do something else. If he replies later, great. But if this becomes a habit (him never texting back), you may want to either not text him every day, or talk with him about it. Hope this helps!

Reply July 16, 2016, 9:42 am

lola

ok, so, I met this guy, we get together once in a while, but just to smoke weed. He texted me the first time, and sometimes I text him. BUT EACH time literally he leaves me in seen. I don’t know why that is, we talk sometimes, and sometimes I start the conversation, and he talks to me super cool, but suddenly leaves me just hanging there. help!

Reply May 9, 2016, 10:08 pm

Kitten

To Iola: First of all, shame on you for smoking weed. But that’s not what I’m here to talk about. Since you guys haven’t really met for any real hangouts or dates, just to smoke, what’s probably the case is that he thinks you guys are just casual. It’s likely he only sees you as someone he can meet up with at times to do drugs, and nothing else. He may not even see you as a friend. That’s probably why he doesn’t feel like he needs to reply. In this case, if you want a relationship, this is probably not the guy to have one with, since he likely won’t want to transition from the “casual weed buddies” stage into the “dating” stage. If he replies, great. But don’t actively seek him out. If he wants something more, he’ll get it together. Hope this helps.

Reply July 16, 2016, 9:49 am

Lisa

Hi guys, I met this guy about 4 months ago on a dating site, we have always messaged each other now and then. We have been honest with each other in the respect we have only been talking to a couple of people and have made it very clear we really like each other. We met for the first time a week ago and messaging has stayed the same. He did make it clear if he doesn’t message it’s not because he’s not interested it’s his hours at work and his little boy and I understand this as I have kids and run a business. But I can’t help when he doesn’t message for a day or so that he’s not interested. Some times I will message and he replies and some times it’s days? It doesn’t take long to reply to a message if you really like someone . Am I looking to into this or is he really not interested? When I met him he came across he was very interested as he was throwing lovely comments at me and was very nervous. He is much younger than me he’s 29 and I’m 40 is it an age thing? I worry to say some thing because I don’t want him to think I’m needy or put him off. What to do???? I really like him help!

Reply May 2, 2016, 12:45 pm

Kitten

To Lisa: I’m not saying it’s definitely an age thing, but an 11 year difference is kind of a lot. Especially since he’s younger than you. It could be, like he said, that he’s just busy. Or it could be that after you guys met IRL, he sort of lost interest, but doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. It also could be that you’ve just forgotten how younger guys act. At this point in your life, you’re probably looking for something serious, and that makes sense. But he might still be trying to figure out if this is going to work. If he’s divorced, or just got out of a relationship, he might just be upset and not really ready to be dating yet. Bottom line is: you should just take it slow and see how this plays out. It could end up really well. Or he might just not be that into you. Hope this helps 🙂

Reply July 16, 2016, 9:57 am

Nichole

Hi guys! Hoping to get a response from an older guy on this. I met a guy a couple months ago. We don’t live close to each other, so I had him download WhatsApp. I can see that he’s constantly checking WhatsApp, but rarely initiates a conversation. I’m so not into text games…..who should text who first, etc. But I can’t figure this guy out. He’s not the player type, he’s actually a bit shy. If he’s not interested, why does check to see if I’ve messaged him?? And why not just say hi?

Reply April 27, 2016, 8:01 am

Kitten

To Nicole: I’m not an older guy, sorry 🙂 but I hope my advice will help. It sounds like you don’t even really know this guy, so you may just be going by how he’s acted before. If he acts shy, it could be that he’s just nervous about initiating conversation. But I think if he really wanted to talk to you, he would just do it. Do you know him well enough to know if he’s not the “player type” or not? The thing is, I’m not sure why he’s not replying exactly, especially because he’s checking the app, but not talking to you. You can text him hi, but if he doesn’t reply, just go on with your day. If he continues to not text you, just go on with your life. He may be shy, but do you really want a guy that’s too scared to even talk to you? In that case, it would probably be time to just move on. Hope this helps 🙂

Reply July 16, 2016, 10:04 am

Megan

So my best guy friend and I snapchat all the time and we have been friends for almost a year. We are both in High School. We were snapchatting one night and he got drunk and sent me a picture of his dick. He has a girlfriend but I am single and he said it was an accident and I told him that it didnt change our friendship and the next day we acted like nothing happened. But the next day he didnt open or answer my snap and he hasnt for a few days… Is he mad about what happened?

Reply April 12, 2016, 5:26 pm

Nicole

Hi Megan! I don’t see why he would be mad since he’s the one who sent you the picture. Maybe he just feels awkward and feels like he shouldn’t snapchat you after that happened. He might feel guilty for doing that, so maybe that’s why isn’t snapchatting you back.

Reply April 23, 2016, 2:55 pm

Selena

This isn’t entirely true. I’m a bit shy so if my boyfriend ditches me, I can’t really make a back up plan since I don’t have many friends. But, if I tell him I’m hurt by what he does and it’d be best to just break up, he gets over his childish behavior. (The scenario has only happened once or twice when we were serious so I don’t seem like the weak one, letting him ditch over and over and take him back anyways)

Reply April 9, 2016, 9:35 am

Kitten

To Selena: You said you’re not the “weak one,” going back to him. But it seems like you’ve broken up with him once or twice, but you still keep getting back together for some reason. Honestly, you shouldn’t break up with someone to make them change their behavior. If he changes as soon as you dump him, it’s either because he wants to get better because he’s really into you, or he’s so not into you that it’s not even funny. The reasoning for that is, he might be “ditching” you because he doesn’t feel like being around you. A guy that’s into you will make an effort to actually be with you. He may also see you as “needy” because you don’t make plans with many other people, just him. If this description fits his behavior, you should break up with him. And don’t get back together this time.

Reply July 16, 2016, 10:11 am

Nikki

So a guy i like said he likes me. we snapchated for a long time everyday. Now he never answers and we barely talk at school, we hug but we don’t talk much. I don’t even know if he will ask me out. I need help. A lot of help!!! SOMEONE HELP PLEASE

Reply April 5, 2016, 11:58 pm

Kitten

To Nikki: I’m guessing from this comment that you’re in elementary or middle school. Here’s my advice: this guy is probably just a little nervous talking to you since he told you he liked you. But the fact you’re hugging is a good sign 🙂 Try talking to him in person rather than just on Snapchat. Walk to class together or sit next to each other if you have classes together. Eat lunch together. If you have recess or study hall, hang out then. Meet outside your school after the bell and chat. (Just FYI: he may not ask you out since he’s already expressed interest.) Hope this helps! 🙂

Reply July 16, 2016, 10:25 am

fatema

I am going through same..its been a one week we didn’t talk n he doesn’t bother also..starting he was messaging but now he has stopped. .I just don’t know the reason if he loves me then why is he doing this with me..He did cut my calls also and asked me not to call.he is busy in his own life but I cannot stop thinking about him..I have become needy.

Reply March 27, 2016, 6:21 am

Kitten

To Fatema: Okay, just not answering is one thing. But literally telling you not to call is another. That means he just doesn’t want to talk to you. Unless you’re calling his phone twenty times an hour at all hours of the day or night, he has no reason to be telling you not to contact him. Honestly, it doesn’t sound like he loves you. He might not even like you! Here’s how to not be needy: don’t text him when he doesn’t text back. Don’t call him since he’s obviously adamant about you not calling. Move on. You don’t need this jerk. It doesn’t matter how busy he is. If he was into you, he’d want to talk to you. Period.

Reply July 16, 2016, 10:30 am

charish

My boyfriend and I were together for 3.5 years and towards the end of the relationship I could tell he wasnt happy, but not enough to leave. One day he jad enough packed his bags and left. It was emotional at first. We fought, I cried alot and begged for him back. Its been a month now and we text almoat daily, talk on the phone maybe once a week. He says he loves me but cannot be with me and obviously it kills me. Im getting better and ignoring his texts and spending more time to text back. Partially because im busy with other things and also because I know im needy and pushing him away. In what ways besides stated do you think I could change my own life so im not pretending and actually being happy? In reality im miserable without him but im getting better at loving myself and refraining from needing him. But it doesnt change how I feel. I feel like he is stringing me along, making me an option instead of a priority. I want him to know im not okay with it without being emotional or angry to him about it. Also in a way that makes me more desirable to him. Tia

Reply March 20, 2016, 1:56 am

Haley

WOW this is exactly what I’m going through as well. Can someone please give us some good advice ?

Reply March 21, 2016, 9:46 am

Kitten

Dear Tia and Haley: It’s great that you want to be happier, but I don’t think you should be worrying about how to seem more attractive to guys that broke up with you. If these guys weren’t happy with the relationship, trying to get them to take you back won’t help you or them. And texting/calling regularly isn’t a good idea either. It makes you think you can get them back. They may love you, but it’s obvious your relationship won’t work. Here’s what you should do: tell your exes straight out that you need to stop talking to them, at least for a long time. Breakups should be clean breaks. They shouldn’t involve staying friends or texting them regularly. Block their numbers, unfollow them on social media. Don’t feel obligated to date again until you’re ready. Find a hobby that you enjoy. Eat your favorite foods and watch Netflix. Focus on your schoolwork or job. Make plans with friends. When you feel like crying because of how much you miss him, write down your thoughts in a journal or talk to a friend or family member. DO NOT CALL HIM. DO NOT TEXT HIM. DO NOT MAKE CONTACT AND DO NOT MEET UP WITH HIM. You aren’t being mean or ignoring him. You’re doing what you need to do to get over him. You shouldn’t even be friends for a long time. And for the sake of your happiness, let go of the thought that you might get back together. I’m not trying to crush your hopes. But that thought will just make you even more miserable because you’re not with him. Give yourself time to get over him. Then go back to the real world.

Reply July 16, 2016, 10:48 am

keke

almost 2 weeks ago he told me he loves me, I didn’t believe him. but he repeated it, I said no you probably love sex with me, and he said no I love you. The he asked me to come visit him while he goes to the states to visit his family, I was surprised because Ive always wanted him to ask me to come with him. He is going there for a few months so he asked me to take some time and go visit him there. I was the happiest because for the past month he has been showing significant leaps in his behavior with me, I feel he cares about me and really likes me, ive always felt he loved me but hearing it solidified it for me. Then his best friend passed away 2 days after he told me how he feels for me, he was texting me the night his friend passed away, but once he heard the news he has been hurt. He hasn’t really expressed how he truly feels about this, I just know he’s hurt and I accept everyone has their own way of grieving so I will not try and be pushy. We haven’t seen each other in 2 days and have not talked either. I am truly not trying to be selfish at all, but what should I do?

Reply March 11, 2016, 12:56 pm

Kitten

To Keke: Just let him grieve for his friend. Be there for him if he needs you. I’m not saying don’t act like your needs aren’t important, but right now he probably just needs your support. When he gets over his grief, you can move forward.

Reply July 16, 2016, 10:52 am

ashley

okay so iv been talking to this guy for about a month. all we do is snap chat. everyday hes my best friend on there and im his. we hung out all day one time for 6 hrs. he told me i was important but now he just opened my snap chat and replied two hours later and said he forgot. then he told me to text him and he decided to text me first. we talked for about 5 mins then he fell asleep. now he hasn’t texted back yet

Reply March 10, 2016, 11:47 am

Nikki

I wouldn’t worry about it. If you guys talked a lot and he hasn’t replied in a few hours then he probably forgot. I know it sucks and hurts a little but we girls can’t over obsess about a guy who won’t take time to be with us.

Reply April 6, 2016, 12:03 am

Kitten

To Ashley: Sounds like he’s just careless about his texting habits. If he enjoys spending time with you in person, I wouldn’t worry a lot about the Snapchat messages, especially since you are best friends on there. Unless he becomes completely unreliable, as in never texts you when he says he will and doesn’t text back for hours or days, I would say don’t stress.

Reply July 16, 2016, 10:55 am

Sophia

Met this guy a year ago. We hit it off very well. At the beginning our communication was strong and intense. Unfortunately it’s a long distance relationship, so after a few months his focus started to change from me to his work. We became more distance towards each other. Sense then we have had a more on and off interaction. At the moment we are on. That makes me very happy but not satisfied because I know Our communicating will stop at one point. All this makes me wonder if it is worth continuing? What am I gaining from this? THANKS for your help ????

Reply March 8, 2016, 1:49 pm

Kitten

To Sophia: I know long distance is hard, and I’m sorry you’re upset about it. Here’s the thing. Long distance is usually only a temporary thing. It’s just a substitute for being together in person. I would say if you’re just doing this until you can meet in person (if you haven’t already) and be in the same place, it’s fine to continue. Just know there will be times where he can’t always talk a lot. If you have only ever talked online, have never met in person, and you don’t know if you ever will (as in you don’t know if one or the other of you can move to be together), it’s probably best to just remain friends. Internet relationships are no substitute for being together in real life. If you decide to visit each other or one of you moves near the other, great. But don’t base your life around this guy.

Reply July 16, 2016, 11:01 am

savanna

I Have Been Working With This Guy For About 4 Months && We Have Gotten Really Close. We Started Out Just Going On Break Together && We Talk About Everything Then We Started Texting A Few Times A Week Outside Of Work. A Few Weeks Ago After Working Together One Night He Texted Me && After That We Were Texting From The Time We Woke Up Until The Time We Went To Sleep. Last Week He Even Started To Call Me && We Stayed On The Phone For Hours. I Went To His House A Few Days Ago We Went Out To Eat Watched A Few Movies && Yes We Did End Up Having Sex. I’m Going Through A lot With My Daughters Father Who Is Abusive. I Texted The Guy From Work && Told Him He Should Just Stop Talking To Me Because My Child’s Father Would Never Leave Me Alone. When He Asked About It I Told Him How I Felt About Him But He Never Responded To Me Telling Him I Liked Him More Than A Friend && I Can’t Stop Talking To Him. We Still Go On Break Together But We Never Talk About Our Potential Relationship. I Get Off Work Before Him &’ Last Night He Came Out && Talked To Me For 30 Mins && We Hugged But He Hasn’t Txted Me At All Today. I Don’t Wanna Push Him. I Really Believe He Likes Me But I’m Not Really Sure Anymore What Should I Do?

Reply March 7, 2016, 12:40 pm

Kitten

To Savanna: If you are still in a relationship with your child’s father, you should end that (break up or file for divorce) before you start dating this guy. Even if he is a bad person, it’s still cheating and that puts blame on you too. If you are already apart and he won’t stop hurting you or your daughter, I would get a restraining order. He has no right to abuse you. Anyway, about the guy you like. The fact that he didn’t reply when you told him your feelings could mean a few things. He might feel awkward, he might not return the feelings and just see you as a close friend, or he might have wanted to wait until you got things sorted out with your child’s father before he made a move. I would say talk to him in person about it, not by text. Just simply ask him how he feels. Hope this helps 🙂

Reply July 16, 2016, 11:08 am

Helen

I have been seeing this guy every week for about 3 months. I really like him but I am starting to think he doesn’t feel the same. We don’t txt much between dates but sometimes when I txt him he takes days to respond. We met up last weekend and had a good time, or at least I did and he seemed to as well. Then I txt him mid week to ask if he wanted to go out this weekend but no response (3 days and it is now the day I suggested). Initiating plans has been about 50/50 so far. Before our last date he went away for two weeks and he txt me saying he missed me and was looking forward to getting back and seeing me. But now silence. Should I cut him off? If so, how do I do it? I would prefer to say something rather than just waiting to see if he txts, for my own closure. Any advice is much appreciated! 🙂

Reply February 20, 2016, 7:52 am

Victoria

Cut him off. How hard that even may be, do it for yourself. If he does not have the respect to send you an answer to a very natural and normal question than he is not worth your time (and respect). You can only win (him) by doing so. Make him work for it too. It is not a one way street.

Reply March 2, 2016, 10:48 am

Kitten

To Helen: Since this guy seems to have a good time with you in person, and he made an effort to tell you he missed you on his trip, it may be that he just doesn’t like texting. But it would be polite of him to let you know so you don’t text him and then sit there waiting for a reply. Like I said to many other women–if he doesn’t reply when you try to make plans, go hang out with someone else. You don’t need to wait around for him. If he really likes you, he will reply more.

Reply July 16, 2016, 11:14 am

Alyssa

So i have been dating this boy for 8months on the 15th. Two months ago he started getting more distant with me. He barley texted me and barley called. And when i told him when i was sad he assumed i was pouting or in a pissy mood. He used to b there for me no matter what. I asked if he loved me still and cared about me still. But when he replied he said he did. I had his fb password and he didnt know. And he was texting my friend saying he didnt love me anymore. But when i asked him about it he said that it wasnt true that he was “just mad.” I stoped asking if he liked me and stoped asking if he cared about me because he would just get mad when i asked. I called him the other day and he finaly answer and he said i was “boring.” Thats why he wasnt texting me. And i see that hes not texting other girls so i dont think he likes someone else. Its just feels hes dont want me anymore. Or like me anymore. He dont call me just to have sex… I dont think. But hes been being distant forever now and i just stoped texting him all together. To wait for him to text me. What do i do?

Reply February 12, 2016, 12:52 pm

Kitten

To Alyssa: I think you did the right thing by not texting him anymore. However, I think you should just end the relationship altogether. There is too much drama in your relationship for it to be healthy. And him being rude to you, even if he thinks you’re “boring” or needy; that doesn’t validate his behavior. Just end it before it gets worse.

Reply July 16, 2016, 11:19 am

Jelyn

So, i met this guy through the site omegle. You can say that his this rare of a kind guy. But he told me that his not ready yet to enter in a relationship, its no big deal to me cause I know the reason why. Weve been texting each other for sometime. The way he text me is sweet and all. Everytime he got out of work he texted me then well start a conversation, he’d tell me how much he misses me through the day, he’ll always find a topic so we won’t stop texting each other till 3 am in the morning. But last time we texted, he asked me if who’s my crush, so i told him , it was him. He said his kinda flattered cause i like him, then after exchanging a few texts he told me that he is going to sleep cause he have a headache. So i told him good night. Then the next day he didnt text or call. Its been 8 days since he texted me and it got me worried that he’ll not gonna communicate with me again. So, what should I do?? Any advice??

Reply February 10, 2016, 6:45 pm

Kimberley

Hey Jelyn, i don’t know about your current situation but i think that it’s reasonable to give two weeks then if he responds politely ask him what happened. If he hasn’t responded just simply text him asking if he is ok.

Reply April 24, 2016, 9:13 pm

Kitten

To Jelyn: You said he wasn’t ready for a relationship, but he also might not have been ready for one with you. The fact that he asked who your crush is shows that he couldn’t even tell you were interested. And the fact that he stopped texting you shows he probably got scared off. Whether he’s not ready to date or he doesn’t want to date you specifically, he is still not going to be with you in either situation, so I say just move on for now.

Reply July 16, 2016, 11:23 am

tumbleweeds

I met this amazing guy and we hit it off right away. He started making plans about our future right on the first date. Talking about going to museums and San Fransisco and how he thought I must have been made for him He was really intent on me We hung out all week and he responded to my texts and calls regularly. Then he told me he “had a lot on his plate” and after that nothing. We both caught the same cold and I haven’t heard anything all week. He will send me the occasional 4 word test and then nothing. I have been sending him about 1 text per day. He finally responded and said we should make plans, but when I told him when I was available I got nothing. I keep texting him ( one or two texts I don’t want him to think I am nuts). I also haven’t asked him why, but I got sick last week from his cold and I was sent to the hospital. They recomended I give him a call to see if he was having similar symptoms and I got no reply. I told him I was a little mad that I could not reach him when I actually needed info. Still nothing. What should I do? Should I just give up?

Reply February 8, 2016, 11:57 pm

Kitten

To Tumbleweeds: Nice name! Sounds like that’s what’s rolling across your phone screen whenever you text him, because you’re getting nothing. It doesn’t make sense that he would act so invested in you after only a little while, but then just drop off the face of the Earth. I would say don’t text him every day hoping he’ll respond. Just do other things and make other plans. If he texts back, great. If not, it’s could be for a number of reasons. He said he had a “lot on his plate,” but he couldn’t have texted you at all when he was out sick for a week? He acts like he really wants to hang out with you, but if he can’t be bothered to reply, don’t hang around waiting.

Reply July 16, 2016, 11:29 am

Lori

Sometime ago I met a man and we went on a date which ended up being very good. We didn’t have a repeat date due to a lack of communication. But recently we started texting and calling again. A few days ago I decided to take the lead and ask him out. He didn’t respond initially but it was in the middle of the workday and I didn’t expect it. When he did respond, he asked for more details and then he said he was getting ready to head to a farewell party. I texted the details and told him to let me know. After his party he contacted me and we chatted for a while. That was last night and my invite was for today. I didn’t ask about my invitation until he was getting ready to sign off. He said he was tired and going to head to bed and I responded by asking if you could let me know about the invitation before he signed off. I didn’t get an answer. So I told him to sleep well and let me know in the morning. It’s not late afternoon and I haven’t heard a word.

The plans I made the plans I was going to do by myself I thought I would invite him along. I am going to keep my plans.

I am not angry or pissed off. I am disappointed. I am always disappointed when people act rude or disrespectfully. Although there is a temptation to contact him and let him know how disappointed I am, I am not going to do that. If he contacts me I will respond and let him know that I am not interested in a relationship ( I am not delusional and thinking that he wants a relationship – he told me last night that he wanted us to see if there was the potential for more than friendship).

But when I tell him this I can almost guarantee what his response is going to be. There will be some sort of passive – aggressive excuse for why he didn’t respond to my invitation. When in fact all he needed to do was say he wasn’t interested or he was busy and I would not have gotten upset by the response. I am certain he will ask for another chance but he won’t get one and he will respond by saying that I am rigid or a bitch.

There is no winning. If you give somebody another chance then you are being a doormat and needy. If you set your boundaries and keep them then you are a rigid bitch.

All I can hope for is that I will meet someone who is respectful and thoughtful and is looking for someone just like him.

Reply January 30, 2016, 4:04 pm

Victoria

Don’t tell him you don’t want a relationship anymore. Just let him come up by himself with an excuse. Do not hand out an easy way in for him to make excuses. What if he doesn’t reply again, there you are again feeling discarded. It will boil up making your day worse and worse. Go out and get a lot of attention (just attention) from other guys to boost your ego. You need it to cope with this lousy one.

Reply March 2, 2016, 11:07 am

Kitten

To Lori: In the beginning of this explanation, you sounded pretty happy with the guy and the date and where it was going. But in the end you sounded very bitter about his behavior. I think you were right to stop talking to him. He may have said he wanted a relationship, but the timing of his not replying (like right when you tried to tell him something important), combined with the flaking on your plans and the seemingly negative way he treats you…I think it was best to nip this in the bud.

Reply July 16, 2016, 5:23 pm

Naima

So you’re saying these bastard find me happy, then treat me like an option and expect me not to be pissed off, upset, frustrated, annoyed but expect me to continue to be happy?? Because it is my happy self that attracted them to begin with? Men are crazy. If happy me is aytractive, make sure you don’t mess that up and I’ll remain happy me. They come into people’s lives treating them in such ways that make you feel worthless, ignored do, less than yet they want you to not show you’re affected by their behavior but are happy???? Nah! I think I’ll be single for the rest of my life. When any man does not text me within a few hours I’ll just ignore and cut him off. If he does it once, he’ll do it again. I used to care about them to the point of giving a chance and making things work but after reading this it seems men read it as “needy”. Wow! I’ll never get men no matter how many books I read. They just don’t care and play too many games. They’re either into me or not, none of those riddles, hints and assumptions I can’t deal.

Example I had sex with this guy on sunday.. Monday I text we had fun. I told him in a joking way to take care as I had more plans for him, hint hint and I still haven’t heard from him in three weeks. Yet he is on fb posting. I did not say a word. I just removed him from my page. The end.
You mean I should not be hurt, angry and frustrated that he treated me like dirt, like I’m nothing? And removing him is a sign of neediness? Mind you I like the guy but what he did is rude, mean, unkind and disrespectful. That’s needy asking him to do better had he called me let’s say days later? Sigh. I’m done with men. And I wished 3 years to have sex but picked this bastard who made me feel so low and so stupid.

Reply January 18, 2016, 7:17 pm

Lori

LOL I agree with you although I am not as angry as you are. As I have posted, there seems to be no winning. If you give a guy a second chance or text him before he text you or call him before he calls you or however it is that you were communicating, then you are needy and a doormat. But if you set reasonable boundaries such as someone cannot treat you disrespectfully or with rudeness, then you are a bitch.

Reply January 30, 2016, 4:25 pm

Kitten

To Naima: Oh, you poor darling! It doesn’t seem to make much sense, does it? It often seems there aren’t my good guys out there at all. I don’t really like the concept of guys not liking “neediness.” There’s a difference between being upset that a guy never talks to you and being utterly needy, chasing after him and texting him all hours of the day. When a guy doesn’t text back for several hours when you can see him on Facebook, of course you get upset! I think you should take a break from dating and focus on you for a while. Let go of your bitterness and work on being the best version of you that you can be. Then get back into it. Take it slow with guys. (I would advise that you don’t have casual sex if you want a serious long term relationship.) And, don’t overthink it. The guy for you is out there, and he won’t leave you for being “needy.”

Reply July 16, 2016, 5:33 pm

Kathy

I am currently seeing a guy for nearly four months and we go out from time to time . But when I text him just to say good morning he does not reply. He will ignore my message for two weeks and he never calls me. I always have to call him. I think its really unfair and I really want to know why he does it. Is it because he’s not into me or someone else has his attention?

Reply January 8, 2016, 6:41 am

Lori

“I have to call him.” No you don’t. You make a choice to call him but you don’t have to call him.

The honest answer is that it could be one thing or the other: he is either not into you or he is with someone else… Or both. In any case, he is treating you as an option. Do you want to be somebody’s option or do you want to be somebody’s priority?

Reply January 30, 2016, 4:28 pm

Kitten

To Kathy: I actually completely agree with Lori here. There’s nothing else I can say.

Reply July 16, 2016, 5:36 pm

josephine

My boyfriend and I have reconnected after 26 years apart. We live in different states. Over 4 months he promised me the world, professed his love for me. He announced he cannot wait to marry me. He was planning on moving to me and my children in the Midwest. Everything was fantastic until the holidays. New Years Eve we were to be together but was not. He texted after midnight saying Happy New Year! Moments later he said his holidays were horrible and he needed some time to think. He said it has nothing to do with us, only about something happening there and for me to please understand. It has been a week and nothing is different. He hasnt called in a week but still texts he loves me at bedtime 5 of 7 nights. When he texts he still calls me babe. I have NO idea what is happening as he will nit sgare, only keeps saying he needs time to sort things out or time to work on things there. It is hurting me deeply!!! I’m scared he is second guessing things. I don’t like how him not caring about my feelings in this . We are in a relationship, shouldn’t he care about me too? And comfort me, reassure me regardless of the silence. I’m lucky if I hear from him once a day. It’s hard when I don’t know what’s going on, the silence is brutal… I feel like it’s about us/me regardless of what he says solely based on near null interactions. Help!!! What do I say? How can I fix this? Is there anything I can do? I’d prefer to have him involved if I were stressed, clearly he’s not that way. I want our lives back to normal and together. I love him completely and I’m trying to give him time/space but it’s hurting me in the process. I drempt of it last night and awoke myself from crying at 430am. It’s brutal on me too.

Reply January 7, 2016, 12:15 pm

Lori

What else do you have going on in your life besides him? I hope there is a lot. I hope you have some goals and dreams that you want to fulfill that do not include him. If you don’t have any goals or dreams, get some. Get some that do not include him and go after them. Quit worrying about him. Let him take care of himself and while you are working on your dreams and goals, think about whether not you want someone in your life who thinks that it’s OK just to text you once a day to say he loves you. That is not love.

Reply January 30, 2016, 4:31 pm

Kitten

To Josephine: Okay, I don’t agree with Lori on this one. The thing is, there could be a lot of things going on with him and a lot of reasons why he’s acting this way, since he didn’t specify. And I understand that you’re hurt because he promised he would be with you. But I have to tell you straight out: you have it better than a lot of the other women in these comments. At least he texts you every day saying he loves you, despite whatever stuff he’s dealing with. Some of these women’s boyfriends are sitting on their phones all day and they still don’t reply. I think the best thing for you to do is ask him what is going on, and if you can help. The best way to help might be your support, and if you’re going to be his wife, he’s going to have to learn to talk to you about whatever is going on in his life. If he doesn’t want to tell you or doesn’t reply, it may involve someone else–or he might just not be that into you. Or, if the behavior continues, he might not even be ready for a relationship right now. If that’s the case, you can support him, but you cannot marry him unless he can talk to you. He also should deal with the issue first. You deserve someone who is well enough to be totally into you, and hopefully he will be. Good luck!

Reply July 16, 2016, 5:59 pm

Vee

So I’ve been seeing this guy (we’ve known eachother for 10 years) we’d hungout out plenty of times over the years as strictly just friends then decided we really cared about eachother and made it official. He works out of state so we only get to see eachother on the weekends. Lately he doesn’t respond back to texts as frequently as he used to. He’ll say how he’s driving or he was sleeping when i brought up “oh what have you been up too”. Recently something happened and we got into an argument, i made it very clear i wasn’t ok with something he did and it wasn’t worth it to me to stick around if he was going to do it again. He refused to apologize, instead i got: “what’s the big deal”. Then he said he wasn’t going to apologize through a text, just in person. We hungout that night. He never said sorry and actually meant it! He said, what’s the big deal, i mean really. (Our problem was regarding sex.) He said, “its just sex”, “i care more when we go places together” that night didn’t end well (he’d been drinking and was just being stupid) after that he didn’t text/call for 2 days. Eventually i caved and said “you’re really ok without me?” he said “not at all” I’m so confused here. Seems as though he’s sending me mixed signals. He tells me he loves me that i make him happy and he hates when i leave and that’s never going to change. But why do i still get the feeling he’s not “in this” with me. He’d text more right? Wouldn’t ignore me for hours to day drink and nap!? Am i right? Please respond back because this is driving me nuts.

Reply January 7, 2016, 9:22 am

Lori

When you were together, what do you do? Is most of your time spent in the bedroom? Do you make plans for the future about when you won’t be together just on the weekend? Are you planning any kind of long vacation together?

Reply January 30, 2016, 4:33 pm

Lori

Sorry, I submitted before I was done.

If all you do when you get together on the weekends is have sex and maybe grab a bite to eat, then you have what I would call a standing booty weekend relationship. Not really even a FWB because he’s not being a friend. The friend will do things with you.

His needs are getting met. He wants to have sex with you but he doesn’t want the rest of what is involved in a relationship including keep in contact or creating memories. Is that what you want? I assume that’s not what you want. I assume you want a complete relationship. So you need to tell this guy that you don’t want his apologies you want action. You want him to spend time with you outside the bedroom. If he’s not able to do that, that’s OK. It doesn’t make him a demon. It just means you want different things. So you accept it and… As I love to say… move on.

Reply January 30, 2016, 4:37 pm

Kitten

To Vee: Yes, I agree with Lori here. It’s not even really about the texting. It’s about him refusing to apologize when you said you weren’t okay with something. I’m not saying he doesn’t care. But he doesn’t do a great job of it. If the two of you aren’t able to work out your differences in a mature way, this probably isn’t going to last for the long run. (Combine that with the fact that he might just see you as a booty call. I’m sorry, Vee. But some guys are like that.)

Reply July 16, 2016, 6:07 pm

Vee

So I’ve been seeing this guy (we’ve known eachother for 10 years) we’d hungout out plenty of times as just friends then

Reply January 7, 2016, 9:06 am

Ashley

*** Last summer I met a guy during a Catholic youth conference. He was just about to start college after being homed schooled, while I was going back to high school in the fall. During the conference we just met and never really talked, however we started talking over facebook during the summer and it has continued for 7 months even though we are 3000 miles apart.
At first we would talk all day, every day and we would respond within minutes of each other. Over the months the responses have gotten longer (like several paragraphs longer) but it takes him at least a week to respond. However our conversations are very rich and deep, but I have never told him how much the wait bothers me. I just respond to whatever he is telling me so I don’t come out as clingy, even if it is a week and a half later.
Does this mean he lost interest in the conversation and he is just trying to be nice by carrying it on? Or is it just because it takes awhile to type the length of response?
You have to know something first about him and I. I am extremely mature for my age and I even look older than I actually am. He is also mature, but my maturity makes up for my age, so we balance out. Is it because I am in High School, that he is so late to respond?
He has told me that we will see each other at the conference again this summer. He said even though it is for youth, he will go as a chaperone. This makes me feel like he is excited to see me and that he is interested and this will be the first time we will see each other in a year by that time. I am just scared that our conversation will die out by then.
It feels like I am holding on by a thread. I want to say something so bad, but I am scared that he doesn’t feel the same way I do. I have all these doubts and I just want to feel something different then confusion, even if it is something I don’t want to hear. Please answers these questions honestly. I am really over feeling lethargic about the whole situation. I just need someone else’s opinion. ***

P.S. – To try to relieve some of this doubt I hacked my own facebook account to see who has been viewing my profile. The facebook ID are in order from most recent to latest, but it doesn’t give me anytime general time span before the data renews itself. The data is ever changing, however each time I check, his ID has shown up more than two times, so I know he has kept tabs on me. Each time I check, I see that the range of the times he has viewed my profile is from 2 to 4 times. Just a another important piece of information.

Reply January 7, 2016, 4:57 am

Vee

How old is he? Oh and please tell me how you can see how many times someone views your profile! Lol

Reply January 7, 2016, 9:39 am

Lori

I would also like to know how you did this because Facebook has addressed this question in its Help Center, saying “Facebook does not provide a functionality that enables you to track who is viewing your profile.”

Reply January 30, 2016, 4:17 pm

Kitten

To Ashley: I’m not sure if it’s a good idea for you to date someone in college. You may be mature, but those types of relationships often don’t work out. Anyway, I think you should just ask him about his texting habits when you see him in person. It doesn’t seem like you’ve brought it up with him by text, so you could just casually mention it. He could have just been busy. If he really wants to be with you, he’ll talk to you more often if he knows it bothers you that he doesn’t. However, you have to be aware that he may not be texting you just because he’s with someone else. It may not be true! But don’t live your life based on this one guy.

Reply July 16, 2016, 6:14 pm

Belinda

I have a guy called Hayden which we have been friends with benefits for a few weeks
We flirt, he said he likes me but I don’t know if he ment I’m a crush
He sends me mixed signals, which makes me confused on if he likes me more then just a friend.
We went out clubbing with friends and he got jealous when I kissed a guy
And the next day I asked him what he thought of me by text, he said wouldn’t I like to know.
And then said his going to bed, I’ve been waiting for 4 days with no reply
I don’t know if I should play hard to get or message him just casually and pretend I said nothing?

Reply January 5, 2016, 1:18 am

Lori

What do you want? You said you are FWB. Is that what you want or do you want something more? The way I view FWB is I look at it the way I would my friendships with women. Namely, how often do I get together with my female friends? Do I get upset when I don’t hear from my friends for a few days? Not usually. They are probably busy with their lives just as I am busy with mine. I don’t take personal offense when I text them and I don’t hear back for a few days or even a week. If I don’t hear back and it is an usual amount of time for them, I will call or text to make sure they are OK but without any expectations from them.

In my opinion, a FWB should be viewed exactly the same way. You get together when you can. You’re not in a committed relationship with this person. A true FWB means that most of the time when you get together it’s for sex. Sometimes you might have dinner together or go to a movie or do something else the both of you have an interest in. But the focus is on the sex. Is that OK with you? I am getting from your post that it’s not OK with you and you would like to have something more. If that’s the case, you need to communicate that with him. If that’s not the case and you want to have a FWB then I don’t think you are reasonable and expecting him to contact you with regularity.

Reply January 30, 2016, 4:43 pm

Kitten

To Belinda: The thing is, oftentimes guys wants FWBs for casual sex and the girl does it, hoping it’ll turn into something more. But just because he got jealous that you kissed another guy, doesn’t mean he likes you. It could mean he doesn’t want some other guy touching his squeeze. He doesn’t seem eager to commit to you, and I would say if you want a real relationship, say bye to this guy.

Reply July 16, 2016, 6:19 pm

Tracey

Im 41married with kids and had a one night stand with a 30 year old single guy. He lives in another state and have been sexting and video calling for the past month. We exchange photos and messsges almost daily during the week but weekends he tends to go off the grid. He says he doesn’t have a girlfriend I know he has been away a couple of weekends. This past thursday we had a video session and on friday I sent him a nude pic. He has not responded. So I sent him a message today saying he was a shit head for no responding and he laughed and said calm down its ok.thats it nothing else. I dont want to respond but would like an explanation. I am due to visit him in a week.

Reply January 3, 2016, 3:32 am

Mimosa

Could of cut you of because your not Classy… he found out your married and got turned off my it. And wants a women not a cheating hoe.

Reply January 23, 2016, 10:18 pm

Lori

Seriously? You “want an answer” from the man you had a one night stand with while cheating on your husband? Here’s the reason: he was curious about having sex with an older woman, was amused by you but has something else going on that’s better.

Reply January 30, 2016, 3:21 pm

Kitten

To Tracey: I know I’m a few months late, but if you are still messaging this guy, cut it off now. You’d think as a wife and mother, you’d be more mature than that. You do realize you’re breaking your vows, setting a bad example for your children, and also just defiling basic human decency? No one deserves to be cheated on, and it’s not this guy’s behavior you should be worried about. It’s your own.

Reply July 16, 2016, 6:24 pm

Wendy Major

Hi I have a problem that maybe you can help me with. Iam in a complicated relationship I guess lol I been seeing this guy since September and he is living with his ex they just had a baby in November and they don’t want to tell tell their friends or family Intel he gets done with school cause they don’t want the family drama and friend drama. I havnt talked to him since last Wensday on the 24th of December so it’s been a week and going on three days. When I went to see him he told me the reason why he hasn’t been talking to me the past week is because he is leaving for school on the 9th and that he has to barrow money from his grandparents and ex to go to school he had to sell his four wheeler and bike to finish paying to go to school he already did a down payment for school and doesn’t want to end up calling and saying he can’t go and he is fixing up his suburban to be able to to go to school since his truck broke and he has to get tags and plates on his suburban as well. I don’t text him much at all I just text him to let him no Iam here for support and that we can get threw it together. And plus Iam confused on what he means by Iam his but no offically we have to keep it a secret cause he doesn’t want anybody to no Intel after he is done with school and he dosent want to put a name on us. I need some really good advise from you I need your help!!!!

Reply January 2, 2016, 5:17 pm

Lori

So he is living with his “ex” and they have a baby together and the reason he’s not contacting you is because he has to do all these various things in order to get some money for school or whatever. My advice? You are not a couple and you will never be a couple. No one has to live with their “ex.” He has other alternatives. This is what he is chosen to do he has chosen to be around this woman and his child. You’re not a part of his life nor should you want to be. He doesn’t have his shit together and once he gets his shit together he should be taking care of his child.

I suggest you move on with your life. First order of business would be to take a class in composition so you can learn how to spell, punctuate and formulate coherent sentences.

Reply January 30, 2016, 4:22 pm

Kitten

To Wendy Major: I wouldn’t have exactly said it like that, but yeah. Lori’s points are valid. You should probably wok on learning to spell before you work on having a relationship with someone who doesn’t even have his life together.

Reply July 16, 2016, 8:25 pm

Ashley

Hey so there a guy that i meet thru a friend he like he but i had a boyfriend when i broke up with my boyfriend me and my friend were hanging out and she hit him up to come then we were talking getting to know each other we were drinking after that day i started noticing him but i felt like he wasn’t into me i hanged out with my ex and posted a pic with him and he saw it and told my friend how that f*cked up and am playing games after that i hit him up and he invited me to a party i went than he was acting a little saddy because i took my friend and she took a guy who was feeling me but i got away from him and went with him homie who my homie than he went and started talking to me saying who that your guy and when i told him he was my friend homie he started being all cute we left the party and that was all i wanted to be with him so i hit him up to come thru then he did we started talking making out and he didn’t leave into the next day he was being cute but after that he never hit me up again

Reply December 21, 2015, 5:23 pm

Kitten

To Ashley: If you talk like this with this guy you like, I think I know exactly why he doesn’t want to talk to you–no one can figure out what you’re saying! What I got from that was a friend introduced you to a guy, but you had a boyfriend. After you broke up with him, you were hanging out with the guy and your friend, and you didn’t think he liked you so you hung out with your ex. He got tired of your mixed signals so he gave up, but then you hooked up at a party. Since then you haven’t heard from him. What could have happened is either he’s only interested in the physical, or he believes you’re not actually interested. But you should worry about how to compose a sentence before you worry about this guy.

Reply July 16, 2016, 8:52 pm

Kama

so heres my problem. Well, its not really a problem, more of a worry really. So me and my boyfriend recently got together(about a month ago) while we were in a play together about a month ago but i’ve known him before that because he was also in my theater class. We hit it off well, he was the one who came out and declared his feelings for me. We hung out and talked for the most part. He has two jobs and he went to school, i really admire that in him. His drive and his dedication. But anyway, about a week after we striked the play he has been really involved with work and he has actually missed a couple of classes. I worry about him that he works to much and he is not really focused on himself. Also (this is what worries me) we have not hung out or talked for….. a while now. He does not reply to my text, every time I AM with him I ask if he wants to meet up and he always says he has work. I know and understand that he is busy and I accept that. I keep the txting to a minimum because I know that he is busy. I also do not want to seem needy, because im not. I usually just txt when I think he is free and still, he does not reply. But the thing is, I dont keep on txting him, I dont txt him long why-are-you-not-txting-me-back messages. I just wish he actually made an effort to at least txt me back once n a while, or made an effort to see me. I just need advice on what I should do about this. Do I confront him about it? Should I tell him how I feel? I really want to work things out with him, I really do not want to loose him. Any advice, I would be grateful for!!

Reply December 13, 2015, 6:26 pm

Kitten

To Kama: I understand your worries. From the way you phrased this, you could be in college or have recently graduated. And what you should do kind of depends on where he is as well. If him working all the time and being constantly too busy to spend time with you/text back is something that is just a result of his jobs, that’s not really okay. You need quality time together. However, if these jobs are to put himself through school, it is likely a temporary thing. I say if possible, try to meet with him in person and discuss your concerns. If he ridicules or gets angry with you for being upset and missing him, or acts as if his work is significantly more important than you or your needs, I say just let him go. It’s not going to be worth it in the long run to date a guy who values his job above you.

Reply July 17, 2016, 11:35 am

L

Disable text messaging on your phone. This forces them to communicate on your terms. My terms are, a brief phone call once or twice a week, for the sole purpose of arranging to meet. As an INTJ female, I have met with a lot of needy men who either text too much, and a lot of passive-aggressive men who punish by not texting back in a timely manner. Disabling text, cuts this behavior off at the knees.

Reply November 23, 2015, 10:20 pm

sophie

thats ridiculous. no one calls these days

Reply December 23, 2015, 5:45 am

Brittany

Ok so I have been sleeping with this guy I really like for about 2 and half months. This entire time we text almost everyday and we both start the conversations first. Well I freaked out and tried to end it bc he was seeing someone else I then told him that I was sorry I overrated and he said we were good and he totally understood and we hung out again a few days later well now it’s been 2 and half weeks since we hung out which we normally hung out at least once a week and now I haven’t heard from him in 3 days I’ve been waiting for him to come to me but I wasn’t sure if I should text him or not he seems like he really likes me and even told me the last time we hung out one of the reason he likes me is bc I understand him well already…. Ugh what should I do please help! We get each other’s sense of humor and make each other laugh all the time!

Reply November 18, 2015, 2:59 pm

Brittany

So I broke down yesterday and texted him hey he responded with hey!! We talked I didn’t say anything about him not texting me or seeing me but he told me the past two weeks he had been working a lot which his job is very physical. I just don’t want to try with him if he is done with me and is just talking to me to be nice. I really like him and thought he really liked me. I’m just really confused and wondering if I should be patient and wait on him to text me or should I keep trying?? I would really appreciate someone’s advice because I’ve never been in this type of situation!!

Reply November 19, 2015, 9:27 pm

Lori

People make time for what matters to them. Even if they are busy with work. How long does a text take? You can do it during a bathroom break. If he’s not contacting you, he’s not interested. Move on. You deserve better.

Reply January 30, 2016, 3:26 pm

Kitten

To Brittany: I think you should just let this guy go. Even if you guys were just sleeping together, not dating, he was seeing someone else while that was happening and did not inform you. That means he was cheating on his girlfriend, and disrespecting you. You have a right to more than just a FWB situation. But this is probably not the guy to do it with.

Reply July 17, 2016, 11:39 am

Autumn

Hi Eric, I’ve been seeing a guy for about a little over a month and he hasn’t texted me in a week. This is the second time this has happened. The first time it took 5 days for him to respond to me, and he claimed that he didn’t see my text(I didn’t ask why he didn’t respond, and I’m not convinced). This time, I am on day 8 and still waiting. The last time I heard from him was when I saw him in person. I worry that I was too available and he may think that he doesn’t have to put forth effort to maintain me. He is incredibly busy, working two jobs on the weekends, and I get the impression that he isn’t big on texting unless it is making plans to see me.
I’ve really tried to hold out until he texts me first, but I do plan on texting him if I don’t hear from him this week. What should I say?

Reply November 18, 2015, 2:42 pm

Tate

if he’s really into you, doesn’t matter who texts first. But it seems like he’s a very busy man and tired one at the end of the day? So I’d wait until he texts first. Meanwhile don’t wait for his text though… don’t check your phone every minute! you gotta be strong on this. Next time you see him be honest ” you know i wanted to text you to see how you were doin’ but i know you’re very busy and tired probably… didn’t wanna bother ya so hope you understand if you were expecting a text from me.”

Reply November 19, 2015, 6:41 am

Lori

Why would you text him? Why would you wait for him to text you? I am very busy. I work full-time and I am also a student. But if someone is important to me I find a moment to text them at the very least. It doesn’t take very long. Anyone who is truly interested in you will find the time to contact you. The fact that he is not doing so should tell you something. Let it go and move on.

Reply January 30, 2016, 3:29 pm

Precious

Which is better, take the time to “do you”? Or talk to him, how his lack of reply is bugging you? It’s a dilemma…

If you don’t speak up, you might appear to be a doormat.
If you speak up, you might appear needy.

Reply November 18, 2015, 6:49 am

Eric Charles

There’s a third option… don’t hinge your plans on his texts.

If it’s a text to plan something and he doesn’t respond, proceed without him.

You ask what he wants for dinner, he doesn’t respond… choose yourself… or don’t make dinner.
You ask what he wants to do tonight and he doesn’t respond… you make other plans.
He says he’s going to text you later tonight and doesn’t… you turn off your phone and go to sleep.

He might not notice (that tells you something). He might notice and not like it (in which case he’ll make sure to respond to your texts).

Reply November 18, 2015, 11:44 am

sophie

if you have to go to that extent he’s not into you

Reply December 23, 2015, 5:50 am

Latoya Nance

To much for me doing all this trust and believe I have already lost interest to much work and effort on my part to get this type of guy ????

Reply January 16, 2016, 8:13 pm

Ritah

If he doesn’t text, leave him. He’s busy and doesn’t have your time. Get busy with your life. A man who values you won’t ignore your texts. As you wait on him, he’s talking up another woman!

January 19, 2016, 5:46 pm

Heather

Okay, I haven been talking to this guy for a month. (we met online) He said he HATED texting and yet he would text me everyday like clock work. Even has called me on a couple of occasions and we’ve had a really great conversations. In the last week, his texts moved from happening at a specific time of day to them being earlier and going on through the whole day. Meaning he would text me at 8am instead of 4pm. So we went for a date this weekend and had a great time. We grabbed dinner and drinks and hung out for a little while (and kissed–but nothing like a massive big deal–first base stuff–barely) We discussed hanging out on Sunday and he said he would call me about it. Sunday comes around and I text him to see if he is still up for hanging out. He doesn’t say anything all day until 7pm saying that he went to a marathon in malibu. So basically blew me off and didn’t bother to tell me. And since then I haven’t heard a peep.

So my question is: Why would his behavior change? And why would he act interested for a straight month and then completely ignore me afterward. Even on the date he made it clear that he was interested–mentally and physically– so what the hell happened? And what should I do?

Reply November 17, 2015, 12:00 pm

Tate

He’s obviously playing games with you or he’s a pathological liar? Either way you don’t need this kind of BS! Chalk one up for experience and move on….

Reply November 19, 2015, 6:59 am

Lori

You are one of a number of options he had on Sunday. He chose something else. Do you want to be an option or do you want to be a priority? I seriously doubt he forgot that he asked if you wanted to do something. I would let it go and let him go.

Reply January 30, 2016, 4:49 pm

Kimora

I need advice,so I just met this guy gone out on couple of dates,he his really sweet and if I am being honest makes me smile everyday,we decided to focus on getting to know ourselves and stop going on dates with other people, he told me he his into me and bla bla but the issue is we v had to cancel like 3plans to meet up cause of his work well that’s what he said but anytime we cancel he definitely comes up to make another plan then comes through but I don’t know if I can keep up with him cancelling almost all the time then makes another one and expects me to be available!

Reply November 12, 2015, 5:49 am

Tate

i think you’ve answered your own question: don’t be available next he changes the plan! You have to show him that you’re not a push over, and be honest with him… tell him all this cancelling and re-planing is kinda driving you crazy ( or words to that effect )! good luck

Reply November 19, 2015, 6:53 am

Felipe

I think this article is stupid. I dont think when someone ask for reply is thinking that the other person is her life mate would make his her life happy. Only think that texting need etiquette and simple response dont mean that the other person is needy, in only means that he or she want talk to you. I think this mindset of this type of articles are nonsense, and the people are more preocuppied about their fantasies and false presumptions about the other people than about reality of a love experience.

Reply November 6, 2015, 12:59 pm

Eric Charles

What specifically do you think would be a better approach, Felipe?

If you have a better answer, we’d love to hear it.

Reply November 6, 2015, 1:40 pm

Kitten

Eric: I don’t think think the article is stupid. However, a lot of women don’t really understand the difference between being concerned because a guy doesn’t text back for days, and being “needy.” Then, of course, there are people with actual anxiety who text a lot simply because they get very worried. I wish you would talk about basic texting etiquette in this article. For example, if a guy does not care for texting except to make plans, he should tell the woman rather than just not responding. Or maybe you could include at what point should a woman just accept that a man ignores her texts because he is not into her. That would be more helpful than just saying men “hate neediness” and if you text them first or wonder why they won’t reply, they won’t like you. Thanks!

Reply July 17, 2016, 11:48 am

Star

Confuseddd af, It sounds to me like you have involved yourself with someone who is a social media guru. My advice is that you should just let it chill for awhile and see if he come to you. Maybe he just expects you to always be the one that will do all the work while he sits back and takes all the credit of not having to do anything, giving him an obvious extra ego boost. So get your ego boost and make him come to you. If he is sending you pics on snapchat and liking your pics on Facebook he is clearly interested. Just playing games is all. Girl you gotta play game right back at him and play it hard, sometimes thats how you win! Hope this helps!

Reply November 1, 2015, 10:49 pm

Kitten

To Star: I say if a guy is playing games with you that way, you should just stop playing. It’s not quitting. It’s saying, “I’m not going to be involved with a man that continues to mess with my head and my feelings, because I want a man who will just tell me how he feels straight out.” Playing his game just creates more confusion, and personally, I’d avoid it altogether.

Reply July 17, 2016, 11:52 am

sata

Hey girls , i need your help plzzzzzzzzzz !!!
i met a guy and i had the most perfet 3 days of my life with him i stayed with him , and afterthat i went back to his place for 2 days since we are not in the same city, but now he is leaving the countruy and come back next year !!
U cant imagine how i like him , i never felt that way with any body else im just ttto into him , but the probleme is we dont talk much , we dont text ! i mean i text him but he replay sometimes by 1 sentence so short and smt he dont idk what to do !!i dont want to push him away with my behavior !!!
Thanks girls

Reply October 28, 2015, 2:32 am

Kitten

To Sata: I’m sorry to say that this might have just been a fling. You didn’t specify why he was leaving the country, but if he wasn’t being ordered to (as in for his job, etc.) he probably wanted to, and went of his own free will. And the fact that he’s not calling or even texting you saying how much he misses you probably says all you need to know. A whole year?? Honey, if he was so into you, he wouldn’t want to be away from you for a month! He may have just said that he’d be back to keep your hopes up, and then dashed. You deserve better than that. Let’s hope the next guy you meet doesn’t literally move 5000 miles away from you!

Reply July 17, 2016, 11:58 am

Erin

Hi! 🙂

Okay, so T and I dated for a bit a while back, and I recently ran into him so we started talking again. Now, when we first started texting he was quick to reply and would often text me first, but recently he’s taking hours (sometimes even days to respond) and sometimes it says he’s active on social media. I feel like he’s ignoring me or losing interest which sucks because I think I really like him again…

Should I just stop talking to him or confront him or….?!?! Please help!
Erin 🙂

Reply October 28, 2015, 2:06 am

Star

No matter what, do not confront him. Let him come to you, if he doesn’t well then your better off. You will walk away the winner and he will be the loser because he lost someone special. It seems to me that when a guy is on social media and he hasn’t responded to you and its been hours he clearly isn’t thinking about anything but the moment he is in, or maybe when you texted he was busy got distracted and just moved on to doing other things. Don’t take it personally its just the way the mind of the single man works. They all do it, so your not alone. Hope this helps!

Reply November 1, 2015, 10:23 pm

shreya

I have a biggest doubt hear !
I have been dating this guy for 4 years now and you don’t believe that we have always been fighting for things! I accept the fact that even there are few of my mistakes as well as his! Now after so much of struggle fights and no communication days we are still together and just doesn’t understand his character/mentality even today! He made me a total insecure girl which I was never a one! We always fight for one simple and silly thing that is “FRIENDS” ! before he used to restrict me upon things like not to use social networking sites not to hang out with friends he used to be too possessive and with his type of behaviour even I started to suffocate him but the thing is now he no more does that! I even doubt whether he stalks me on social sites or no! even if he does he never asked me about anything but, he left the whole lot of his past behaviour in me and changed me totally into an insecure,nagging/clingy girlfriend which I was never indeed I hate to be one! The thing is I’ll always be ready to introduce him to anybody or everybody(friends or close cousins) but till date he never did that! If some of his friends knew about our relation that’s only because of me! We always ended up fighting for this because I at least expect him to upload a picture with me including me with his friends just like he does with his friends(girls) normally! So i started to stalk not only him but also all his friends who doesn’t even know me and you just don’t know how miserable I feel about this! Though they look nothing in front of me I feel jealous of them. I am going through this for the first time just because of this guy. I have told him so many times that this feeling of insecurity is killing me I am neither able to be with him or leave him! I am simply stuck in this relationship! when I leave him I miss him I feel like I want him though I was never happy and comfortable in it and when I be with him I feel like he has all the control over me and my emotions. When I recently asked him about this he says I am conservative my family friends or family members doesn’t accept all this they all know you and if i upload a picture then they’ll start to react which I don’t want. This was his genuine reason when I asked him that I want one. And coming to introduction to his friends he says he isn’t comfortable with people around us. And I don’t know whether its this feeling or something else which always knocks me down and keeps haunting me and i feel confused whether I am being too clingy or if he is being foolish and arrogant towards me or playing with me?! help me with your opinion please!

Reply October 27, 2015, 10:33 am

Lori

This is what I’m hearing: he is a possessive controlling person who dictates how you should live your life. You think that demonstration that he is committed to you comes with him posting a picture of the two of you together on social media. I say stay with him. The two of you are perfectly suited for one another. SMH

Sorry, now that I have gotten over my incredulity about the silliness of your relationship, I will say this to you:

You don’t deserve to be in a relationship with a man who treats you like a possession, and not even one that he cares about a great deal. Lose him.

Reply January 30, 2016, 4:55 pm

Breigh Walls

So glad I read this lol this article literally just stopped me from texting this guy about how he blatantly ignored my text and phone call . I never want to come off needy . I’m just a genuine person and always hope for people to be genuine with me so when he didn’t respond until this morning with a good morning text I was pissed because I know for a fact he wasn’t sleep. So thank you for this article and the other part about not making thing a routine . Im sure me ignoring him all day has him thinking like ” damn I thought I had her figured out ” nope I’m switching sh** up lol because the last thing I want is a man thinking he’s all I’m thinking about because that’s not true. I have my own life .

Reply October 17, 2015, 12:25 am

Jenna

I’ve been seeing or rather sleeping with a man I met on dating site for nearly seven months. I felt things change emotionally for me after about four months. I’ve been afraid to tell him how I feel for fear that he does not feel the same way which is that I want to be his girl exclusively. I drop subtle hints and he’s a bonehead if he doesn’t notice. We have much fun when we are together although it’s usually at 2am. I know. Don’t say it. But he sometimes answers my texts 8 hours later. Or not at all. He was very persistent in texting me every day since our first date. I want to tell him I’ve fallen for him but I’m afraid he’ll give me the boot when I do. He’s a blank page. He never tells me how he feels about me and when I tell him I’m crazy about him he says I’m silly. I don’t know how to proceed here. And it is stressing me out. Maybe he’s just taking advantage of my attachment for sex. I can’t figure it out.

Reply October 4, 2015, 6:31 pm

Star

Jenna, take it easy, I hope by now you have not made the decision to tell him how you feel. Guys like mystery and they like things to go slow only because if they have experienced bad relationships in the past ( which it seems they all have) they know what rushing into all the lovey dovey can do. They put walls up with their feelings before they ever start to date again, especially after they have been through a seriously damaged relationship. Now Im not saying don’t ever tell him how you feel, but I am saying try and bring yourself down from wanting to say something that could potentially scare him away, and maybe instead of blurting out how much you want him exclusively, ask him to go on dates and try and spend more social time with him then 2am time. Let him know who you are, not just who you are when your sleeping together. This could actually condition his mind into believing that this is all the relationship is worth. Hope this helps!

Reply November 1, 2015, 10:35 pm

Tate

Star is spot on… make him earn you like the scarce prize that you are… otherwise he will take you for granted….

Reply November 19, 2015, 7:06 am

sophie

Are you guys kidding?
its been 7 months!!! if he wanted her to be his girlfriend she would be!

Reply December 23, 2015, 5:58 am

Kitten

To Jenna: I have to agree with Sophie here. If you guys still aren’t even dating at this point, and you’ve told him how you feel and he actively ridicules/ ignores those feelings, it’s time to let him go. Sex is a very important, intimate experience that shouldn’t be shared with some guy that can’t even call you his girlfriend. He’s so not into you that it’s not even funny. Don’t wait around trying to get him to want more. Just cut it off, ASAP.

July 17, 2016, 12:08 pm

Lori

Wait. You tell him you’re crazy about him and he tells you your silly? I think you have your answer right there. You say you can’t figure it out but I think you have. You started the relationship by being sexual only and he’s happy with that. Things changed for you ( which by the way, they were bound to do because of a thing called Pitocin but I won’t go into that here). You were OK with it just being sex but now you have developed feelings.

Why continue to tell yourself up in knots about this? Hunter better things to be devoting your energy to? Tell him very matter-of-factly how you feel. Tell him that you were happy with it being only sexual in the beginning but you have developed feelings and you would like to pursue more. Tell him you understand if he doesn’t feel the same way but that you can’t continue with things the way they are.

Reply January 30, 2016, 5:01 pm

Monica

Personally, I think it’s crap. My guy an I have known each other, been bff, I’m close with his 5yr old daughter and his mom. He knows all of my children. And has relationships with them. They’ve confided in him. My oldest grandson has known him his entire life. 6yrs. My other grandson 3, knows him. We have been intimate all these yrs. Now all if a sudden he gets to get off by reason of my neediness? I don’t roll like that. We sleeping together. Have mutual family relationships. Either you are in the relationship or you aren’t. One thing I cannot deal with well is being ignored. He knows this. Therefore when I blow up his phone, he knows its coming. Period. Just as I’m knowin’ when I do that he’d gonna keep ignoring me, as well as yell at me in frustration, once or twice. He has cheated on me. Left me without breaking up last year. That girl cheated an worse. He came back to me. So, it’s a HUGE no go, on the ignoring me. I’m telling him to his face tomorrow that I’m good with he can ‘keep on keepin’ on’. It is devastating. My anxiety is out of control. Lack if sleep. Loss appetite. And he’s my ‘forever love’. Not even God knows me as well as he does. So it is beyond everything in me to do this, however, I’ve no choice. I love me, and obviously he doesn’t.
Bottom line: Yes, both parties are due some free time. However, being rude an selfish is unacceptable. Showsome respect. Period.

Reply October 2, 2015, 5:47 am

Lori

He cheating on you but he is your “forever love?”

You talk about respect but I don’t think you respect yourself if you would allow someone like that back in your life. I get that you have known each other for a long time and your family is interconnected. So be friends with him but I wouldn’t have a romantic relationship with someone like that

Reply January 30, 2016, 5:05 pm

Julia

I fancied a co worker for months but left the job a few months ago. Recently I was in a bar and he was there with his friends too. He approached me and we were chatting. His friends and him followed us to the next bar we went to. He ended up staying the night with me. He said he used to fancy me in work too,and I said I had a good time with him and he said we could do it again. He text me the day afte, he sends short texts but replies quickly. We text for a couple of days and he added me on snapchat a few days later. I text him last week and he replied quickly. But he hasn’t text me first in a week. I would like to see him again but not sure whats going on. I don’t want to constantly chase, I have given him space to text me, especially after I have been initiating. Help!

Reply September 30, 2015, 4:14 pm

Lori

Stop initiating and see what happens. If he doesn’t contact you then you have your answer and it’s time to move on.

Reply January 30, 2016, 5:08 pm

Jackie

I like this article very useful. I have had a guy in my life since May 2015 he works nights and seems to have a lot going on and I have been frustrated. I can and do get on with own life but would prefer a guy to step up or step out rather than be in a limbo state. Recently I told him to forget it as he couldn’t seem to see when he could fit me in, he text me back 2 weeks later to say “miss you” I have said I want once a week to in terms of dating and making it worth my while. I want to be understanding but he is the one indicating he wants a long terms relationship with little time it appears to put into one!!
Thoughts useful ?

Reply September 18, 2015, 2:41 am

ec

GREAT ADVICE
thank you!

Reply September 17, 2015, 1:41 pm

Mara

Hi,
I’ve been dating a guy for a 2 1/2, the first 3 weeks he was over all the time, texting spending time with my family. I did tell him that I think I’m falling for him and that’s when I noticed a change. He started texting less and making plans. I was the one texting and making plans. I thought about it and decided to send him a text asking for his help. I told him what love means to me and what I expect out of relationship, I would give back the same. I told him I was struggling with myself, because I know what I want ( him), but am not sure what he wants. He said he didn’t know either and is struggling with it. I asked him how? He said if he knew it wouldn’t be a struggle. I asked weredo we go from here? He said good question…. I said communication is good and I he said he’s being honest here. I apologized that I didn’t mean right now, I meant in future. I asked if there’s nothing I can do , he said unfortunately not , he should have an answer for me, but he’s been busy. He said he’ll figure it out, sorry if I’m causing you any pain. That I’m great, & didn’t intend any harm. I said I was worried and concerned about us . It sounds like you need time, so time you will get. He did not respond back to that. I did stop by and took him lunch, I wanted to read his vibe. What’s your imput? It’s been a week and I haven’t heard a thing. I did send him a text : May you start this new day with your beautiful smile and happiness. I did not get a response, wasn’t expecting one. Though I am disappointed.

Reply September 16, 2015, 4:00 pm

Kitten

To Mara: I’m sorry, I know it’s been almost a year and you might not even know this guy anymore. However, I still like to try to help if I can. I think you probably scared this guy off by telling him your feelings. There’s nothing wrong with how you felt. It’s just that he probably wasn’t expecting it and either didn’t feel the same or wasn’t ready for a relationship, so he acted like he needed time to think and then just bailed. If he felt the same, he wouldn’t have had to “figure it out.” He would have tried to pursue the relationship. If you’re still making contact with this guy, I would just end it and look somewhere else for love.

Reply July 17, 2016, 1:15 pm

Kitten

Follow up to Mara: Okay, I reread your message and realized it said you were dating this guy already. Sorry for the misunderstanding. But, in my opinion, that makes this even worse because he, as your boyfriend, wasn’t even willing to make a better effort when he knew the lack of communication made you upset. So my advice is still the same. Find a guy that respects you.

Reply July 17, 2016, 1:23 pm

Horgondia abbas

I like someone in facebook but he is unknown to me i send him freindrequest and also message but he regect my freind request i send him message but he doesnot response on it i am a beautiful girl.plz give me some tips so that he will become my freind plz

Reply September 8, 2015, 11:44 am

K

So long story short my coworkers set me up with one of our customers and one if their old time friends who I would see everyday and we would make small talk and what not. Well he finally asked me out, we would text about everyday and went out for dinner and had a great time. Continued the texting for about a week, and he is not the greatest texter and has admitted it, which is fine.we went out again and had a great time told him I like hanging out with him and he told me the same. He texted me the morning after had a small conversation and then I texted him the next day asking how his day was….again short conversation and it ended with my text. Now I haven’t heard from him or seen him at work for a week, which I can’t tell if it’s weird or someone is really just that busy for a week, which I get. But my problem is…nothing happened red flag wise for us to stop talking and I don’t know if I should wait for him to start a conversation again or if I should just grow some balls and ask how everythings going or how his weekend was. I don’t know if that comes off clingy or if not talking for a week should be me taking a hint or if I’m generally just thinking way too much into this.

Reply August 31, 2015, 5:28 pm

Kitten

To K: If you have a good time when you see each other, and he’s admitted he’s not the greatest texter, I wouldn’t worry too much. But if you find you’re always the one reaching out, I would advise that you take a break from contacting him and see if he makes an effort to continue texting you.

Reply July 17, 2016, 1:26 pm

Kelly

My bf of almost 4 years has not called back or returned my fb message for over a week. Last we spoke, I was supposed to uber to his place to attend his brother’s bday but couldn’t because I had to work over the weekend last minute. I noticed he was moody about me not being able to make it but he said, it’s fine, we’ll see each other next time. I offered to come on either Sat or Sunday but I needed to know his exact plans so that I could work my schedule around his. He didn’t have any exact plants at the moment (Friday before weekend) and said not to worry about it. Then I tried calling once but since my phone is defected, I assumed the call wasn’t going through. I messaged him on Tue letting him know that my phone got worse and that I can’t make phone calls. Fb shows he read the message but he did not respond. Now, he’s off in Canada, attending a wedding without me and Snapchat about it without sending me any of the Snapchat. Why is he acting like this?

Reply August 29, 2015, 3:39 am

Kitten

To Kelly: Sounds like someone’s ticked about you missing his brother’s birthday. If you apologized about it and offered to make it up to him, even if he was upset, that’s a fine way to make amends. But it seems that he’s still mad about it. What that tells me is he is holding a grudge against you for something that’s not really even your fault, and also being very immature about it by purposely reading but not replying to your texts and making sure you can see he’s having fun without you. Are those qualities you’d be okay with in someone you would want to marry? Probably not. Let go of this fussy baby and let some other woman change his diaper, because you’re not doing it for him.

Reply July 17, 2016, 1:33 pm

Ashley

So I am into my uncles friend which he is 32 and I’m 21. I don’t think age has anything to do with it. Okay so I do like him and he’s always on my mind and I always think about different things like how things would be if we were together and what not. But I text him and sometimes it’s like I feel unwanted or I feel like he’s not interested. I don’t like when guys beat around the bush. Like just be honest with me. I’m always the first to text him, he has text me first maybe twice. Then it was twice where he didn’t text me for like 2-3 days and I just think it’s me. Maybe I’m not pretty enough or I’m not good enough for him. Like I don’t know what to do ? Any advice. Should I just let him be or just be patient and see how things go and if they change?

Reply August 23, 2015, 11:10 pm

Zoe

One thing I have learned Ashley, Is that you have to believe that you are good enough and pretty enough. Don’t put yourself down any further. Once you realize and celebrate your great qualities, then you can focus on the guy’s characteristics, and you may find out he may not be good enough for you! The problem is, we try to make specific people be what we want them to be. When they don’t make that a reality, one can feel like they are not good enough, pretty enough, etc., when the real issue is you are hoping for a specific someone to give you the qualities you deserve, and when they don’t meet those expectations, you can’t take it as an opportunity to bash the great person you are. If they can’t take the time to invest in you, or even texting, then that’s a reflection on them, not you. If anyone doesn’t line up with what you value in a relationship, no matter how attractive the guy is, then even he is not worthy of you. That’s when you realize that HE isn’t good enough for you. Think about it, he is considering his personal needs by treating you as a convenience, which is his issue, so why can’t you consider you feelings by expecting someone to treat you in the manner you want to be treated. Consider your feelings too and not let his negative mindset towards a relationship, overshadow your positive feelings of a relationship. Love yourself first, so you can weed out the guys that doesn’t want to communicate with you properly. I’m also finding out even great looking people are not worth much, if their hearts aren’t right or are emotionally unstable. Therefore, overall, they really become unattractive. remember, you are good and pretty enough. Let him put up the effort in trying to communicate with you more. If he doesn’t, it’s his loss because you are pretty and good enough! You have to find the one that can appreciate the qualities that you ALREADY possess, instead of hoping to get appreciation from a guy who may have his own issues.

Reply August 29, 2015, 11:46 am

Suzy

Zoe, can I quote you? 😀 Thank you. Just thank you for this. If that happens to me in the future (= guy keeping me hanging on) I’ll try to remember what you wrote. Oh, and happy holidays!

Reply December 21, 2015, 4:40 pm

Kitten

To Ashley: I’m not saying all relationships where the guy is more than 10 years older than the girl don’t work out, but they often don’t. You said that he is your uncle’s friend. He may just see you as too young for him or feels uncomfortable with his friend’s young niece flirting with him. It’s probably not about how physically pretty you are. And if it is, why would you want a guy like that? I would forget about this guy and date someone closer to my age. Good luck!

Reply July 17, 2016, 1:40 pm

Leigh

With this texting topic, why would a guy, who said he likes you, responds to your text messages with support encouragement, doesn’t contact you when he gets back into b town but waits almost 2 weeks? Yes, we can assume he met someone else, as I did and let him go. But shows up and says he didn’t. His excuse: I was very busy. Texting is so easy to send a quick note saying just that if he thinks I am important. I want to see this guy but afraid of the possible games. Thoughts?

Reply August 23, 2015, 9:16 pm

Janella

Same boat here. Said he lost his phone, still on a loan phone and will get the replacement phone the day after. 2 days later, still nothing. Said he got very busy.

Reply August 27, 2015, 1:50 am

Kitten

Dear Leigh and Janella: I know it’s often hard to tell if a guy really was as busy as he said and didn’t have a spare second to text, or if he’s just not into you. But I would have to say that if a guy really cared about you, he wouldn’t want to make you wait around wondering if he cared or not! And Leigh, there’s no specific time of not texting that tells you a guy doesn’t care, because it varies by the guy and relationship. But two weeks to send you a frickin’ text? Uh-uh, that’s too much. People take their phones everywhere, even to the bathroom. In this day and age, it’s impossible to NOT text you. I’d say, don’t wait around another two weeks for him to not even say hello. Just end it. A guy that doesn’t even think of you enough to send a one word message isn’t someone you want around in the long run. And by the way, Janella, I’m betting the thing about the “losing his phone” is a load of bull. If he wanted to contact you, he’d find a way.

Reply July 17, 2016, 1:49 pm

Laura

So a friend set me up with a guy she knows. We texted for a bit and set up a date. We seemed to really hit it off, loads to talk about and laughed all night. He text me as soon as he got back say how good the night was and that we should do it again sometime. The next day he asked when I was free again and so we arranged date 2 for a few days later. We text everyday and date 2 was even better as I didnt think we would have much to talk about after date 1 but I was wrong. Again he text right after saying thanks for a great night and we talked for ages. We started to plan date 3 for a couple of days later. The day before the date I got a text saying sorry he wasn’t talking much that day but he had hurt himself and was taking some strong painkillers. I asked if he would like to leave the date the next day due the what had happened but got no reply. Have since text him asking how he is but havent had any response. Im so confused….what happened.

Reply August 20, 2015, 7:09 am

Sophia

I have been attracted to a co worker for a while now and we flirt alot at work so one day I ask him to come over for the night and he seemed interested and was flirti g back we made plans to book up and he asked for my address and then said he was too tired and maybe a other day should I move on or ask him to come over one more time why would he seem interested and then back out

Reply August 19, 2015, 10:52 pm

Zoe

No, you put it out there about hooking up, and it’s up to him to act on it and take the bait. You don’t want to appear easy, because sometimes that can push the guy away also because it showing him he doesn’t have to do much to be with you. It needs to be up to him to make plans with you, especially if he is the one that cancelled. If he never does, keep it moving.

Reply August 29, 2015, 11:56 am

un-ji

so i meet this guy at dating site wer talking for about 3weeks at first he told me that he likes me ask everything about me if i had a bf or what my status is we exchanging some text everyday and he reply fast until now he share to me what hes job he said he has a weird job he is a truck driver so most of the time he was really busy but still everyday he send me message and we talk even for about 2hours is maximum he add me on fb but he is not active on fb then i ask him sometimes that he still interested in me he said yes and hes not talking to anyone else and which is true after we meet at dating site he never get online there thats when he explain his job he send picture what his truck look like he send me pictures of him and he always tell me talk to you later or ill message you well yeah he always message me all the time he never fail if he fail it should be one whole day only and he txt morning in my country so supposed to be pm in his country but after 3weeks texting he never said that again to me he just end our conversation without tellling me talk to you later or ill message you later he even call me sweet thing he never sweet he just always said haha..LOL but he still talking to me until now so i dont really know if hes still like me or he just like forcing to talk to me i like him a lot but rigth now i dont know if he still into me or like me the most frustrating is he still talking to me that sometimes i feel he is happy but sometimes i feel he just killing his time for me in short past time so that he dont bored…. T_T how can i tell if he still like me

Reply August 19, 2015, 7:35 pm

Kitten

To Un-Ji: He may still like you…or he might have lost interest. But I think you might want to work on your English before you worry about this guy. Good luck!

Reply July 17, 2016, 2:03 pm

Anonymous

I have a dilemma. I was close with a guy and we REALLY hit it off. Our connection was amazing and simply something neither of us had felt before. Everything just clicked. We came to a point where we exchanged “I love you” regularly and talked about the future often, always including each other. I had a lot going on and leaned on him frequently while not understanding how off-putting it was, probably because this isn’t something I normally do. I’m generally very independent, but for whatever reason things were all crashing down on me and this made me temporarily needy. Comments were made a couple times regarding how he shouldn’t be the sole source of my happiness, but I dismissed them saying he wasn’t (because he genuinely wasn’t). I think my words said otherwise though, because he started pulling away. Ultimately he cut me off completely, which was a mere week after he started pulling away. I sent texts the next day and they went unanswered. I haven’t reached out since and neither has he.

We both felt strongly for each other and I know what we had was real. What I would like to know is: Do you think he can ever change his mind and give me a second chance? If so, what is the best way to go about proving I’m independent considering we no longer talk? I am an independent person and I know that’s part of why he was attracted to me to begin with, so I understand why me becoming dependent made him completely turned away from the relationship.

Reply August 19, 2015, 4:00 pm

ShaSh

Give him his space, don’t text him and keep having fun. He will see that you are fine without him and eventually he may come back. It’s ok for him to have some space especially after you went all needy on him. This same exact thing just happened to me. Be aware of your actions and the things you are doing to push him away and WORK on them…continue to become a better person as you wait for him.

Reply August 20, 2015, 12:52 pm

Nina

Stop that!!!! By saying that, I literally mean stop contacting him any further..!! I lost my life’s perfect man infact ” an awesome Gentleman” because of all these mistakes what you are doing right now. Just give him some space. A gentleman always loves it when his girl is independent. Don’t be dependent on him for anything. Infact don’t even expect his calls/msgs. Just live your life and he would be again attracted to you. This trick works!! Believe me!! But you gotta be completely loyal to him.
If you want him to miss/love you the way he use to before..Enjoy your life the way you use to when you never knew him. Just quit all contacts with him.. No mails/msgs/calls for a month. Just be in your own world and show him that it really doesn’t matter to you that he exists. This behavior of yours will pinch him and if he is really interested in you, it will make him think what went wrong that you are not chasing him anymore. It might make him feel insecure too.. If you want you can go out on dinner with your male friends too, click pics(DECENT) and upload on fb.. He should know that you are loved by everyone. .. A guy who is genuinely interested in you would be back in fews weeks of you not contacting him. If this extends more than 3 – 4 weeks, chances are even he will fear losing you. So you will be a prize position in his eyes. Be the prize!! Which he will crave to win!! Being a prize is important no matter what your relationship status is!

You just follow the above for a month and if he doesnt msg you, then there could be something wrong. I am not saying he must have lost complete interest in you but he must be genuinely facing some personal/professional problem. But you can still try without showing any kind of insecurity in you.
Follow the below:
You can just send him some funny quotes/jokes once in a while. This doesnt mean you flood his inbox with your msgs. Remember I said “Once in a while”, like once in a month or 2 weeks. Caution: Never ever send him love/relationship and emotional msgs. If you do, he will think you missing him and you will increase his value. Remember one thing “The one who controls the relationship, is the one who cares least.” So just don’t give him the upperhand in the relationship.
PS: This type of guys actually love their own space, and they believe giving space to their partners as well. This builds mutual trust, love and respect for each other, which will be a strong base in your relationship. Try it yourself! Let me know what all is happening. I will keep checking your posts here. Goodluck!

Reply August 24, 2015, 8:28 am

Confused

My BF of 8yrs broke up with me. He says he wants to be friends but that we can’t because it’s too hard for both of us. I sent an email about a significant date for us but said I didn’t expect a reply, because he normally doesn’t. But he did reply. It wasn’t much, just acknowledging receipt of the email. Am I reading more into this? Why would he reply at all?

Reply August 16, 2015, 9:28 pm

Nina

Its sad to hear this but in this case I think you better move on rather than wasting anymore time on this relationship. If it had to wiork, it will and even he will have to put some efforts to make it work. So just move on and try to love yourself and enjoy your life.

Reply August 25, 2015, 9:24 am

Mike

The reasons I stop texting is that texting gets old after a while, I like not to be available all the time but texting and cellphones makes people think you want to be contacted at all times of the day. If my girl wants to talk to me she needs to meet with me, texting all the time is so impersonal. You miss the queues of someone telling you something and how they feel about what you’re listening to. Joey got one thing really right and thats if a man thinks he has you then the texting isn’t necessary because it’s just a means to an end. I value personal time spent in a relationship over texting incessantly for days.

Reply August 14, 2015, 7:51 pm

Anonymous

My situation is confusing. I’ve been dating this guy for 2 years. Everything was great until April when a family member died. Since then, he’s been mean and distant. Initially, I let it slide for a few month months and I even gave him space. Eventually I said something because of how he was acting. I can understand grieving but to say mean things and to treat someone rudely is awful. I was kind but I said what I needed to say. I think he got the point because he was normal for a month and now it’s taking him hoursssssss to text back and is been going on for the last month. Like for instance, last week I texted him at noon to hang out and did not text after that. I didn’t get a text until 9 pm that said, I don’t care. I know he’s a busy person but just say so. I let it slide although it’s unlike him because I know he’s a busy guy. Today, I asked him to go to dinner with me during his break. He could of said no. That was at 1 pm. His break is at 8 and he didn’t get back to me until 845 when it was over. I wouldnt of been mad if he was like sorry I didn’t see this until now or whatever. His response was nah. I really wanted to say something but I haven’t because I don’t want to appear needy but I feel like I’m being a door mat by saying nothing. Did i do the right thing ? 🙁

Reply August 13, 2015, 1:45 am

Amy

You’re not being needy by confronting his bad behavior. You’re being a door mat by not saying anything. He sees he can get away with treating you this way because you put up with it. I know maybe it’s hard, but you should really let him know his behavior is a problem because you’re not going to continue to be treated this way. You will come off as needy if you don’t stand by your word after you tell him this.

Reply August 26, 2015, 8:24 pm

Nancy

I met this guy last year when he came to drop my sister. It was just a short meeting of 5mins(Just got introduced), but I could see he liked me and later he took number from my elder sis. But he messaged me after a year i.e 2 weeks back and throughout the week, he insisted me to meet him as we stay in the same city. Finally I met him on friday night for drinks/dinner. At dinner he said all good things about me like “I find you very cute and I dont know why I took 1 year to message you. I am enjoying your company”. Later when the bar was getting closed, he said – “I dont wana go… I am not letting you go. I dont want this to end”. So he insisted me to come to his place and I agreed saying I would leave in an hour. I made sure I am not gonna sleep at his place and ofcourse not with him for sure(Since it was our first meeting). He tried getting close but I stick to what I had in my mind and kept it a decent meeting. He made me feel really special by all his jokes, good music and romantic one liners. Later for 3-4 days we were in touch on text msgs and discussed all that we felt that night. He compared our story with “Before sunrise” movie too. Again on wednesday, he insisted me for dinner and we met in a restaurant. We again ended up going to his place and was listening to music, chitchatting. This time we cuddled in the balcony, on the carpet, on the couch. It was a romantic night until he tried to get really close and I asked him to control and said “I dont feel anything for anyone!”. So he booked a cab and I came back home. I think it turned him off and now its been 5 days, he is not initiating the contact with me. He just respond to my msgs like a friend. I called him once, we spoke for few mins and he disconnected the call saying – I will call you back and he never called back. I am not sure, was he only expecting sex or was he getting close to me seriously. I miss him and I was looking for a long term relationship and not just sex, so I thought of taking things slow initially. With his behaviour, I feel he just wanted to have sex with me. But when I think of things he said like comparing our story with before sunrise and stuff, I think even he liked me. He is not asking to meet me anymore. What should I do? Please help!

Reply August 12, 2015, 10:13 am

Felicia

Well played and well done. You should be proud of yourself, missing him is normal cos you did like him

Reply August 16, 2015, 2:54 pm

Nancy

Please read my comment.

Reply August 20, 2015, 8:07 am

nadia

Wait girl! cause you have alredy talked to him
I think he likes you but.. I don´t like the way he treated you last day!!
If he is looking for some long-term relationship he will text or call u in a couple of weeks
If he just wants sex he won´t text u or maybe he will because you are “difficult” so he´ll try so hard to get u in his bed..
good luck ladie!! xx

Reply August 19, 2015, 6:29 pm

Nancy

Hey Fecilia & Nadia,
Thanks for the response.. To know what happened later, keep reading:

Yes. He messaged me when I changed my profile pic on whatsapp and he called me himself on Tuesday and said he is hanging around in my area. He asked me, if I wanna go out for a drive..We went to few places and then we decided we can enjoy more being at home. So, we went to his house and this time, he decently kept distant and was being more formal. He said “I became bit naughty last time. Just got carried away. Hope you are not judging me on that.” I said “No, but I want to know what pissed you off that you suddenly booked cab for me. He said “I don’t know I was just bit irritated with something”, I told him that this is not how you treat people around you.. He is like “Yeah yeah! I am really sorry for that behavior of mine.” And then we had few drinks with some soft romantic music playing. He holdd my hands and said I am loving this. I asked him directly if he just wants to have sex with me and he denied that he wont have sex unless he loves a girl. He doesn’t believe in having a casual sex. Later we kept talking for few hours. while talking he came close to me..Hugged me and he kissed me and suddenly got up and started doing something else. I was lying on the couch clueless (WEIRD! right?).. I said “I think I should leave.. I have work tomorrow.” He said “Yes. I will drop you back home.” And on the way to my house, we hardly spoke anything and was just listening to music. Now its Thursday and no call, msgs from him! WTF! What he wants man? 😐

PS: I loved the way he gently kissed me for few min. Blush! 😀

Reply August 20, 2015, 8:04 am

Sandy

Please help!
So I was on vacation (1000 miles away from home) and downloaded a dating app–long story short I exchanged numbers with a guy.
For the first month it was great, I let him be the one to text me first, I was completely receiving to his quirks and problems. Eventually it got a little sexual–we’ve never actually meet but we have fun sending photos and talking.
About three weeks ago things started to change, one day he had sent a text I may have looked too much into, he said that even if we didn’t have sexy conversations he was still glad we crossed each other’s paths and how our texts makes his day go by easier.
I did the huge mistake of showing it to two friends who freaked me out by saying it was a Goodbye text… So I asked him if he “friend-zoned” me… Immediately after I completely regretted it, I felt it totally blew off my calm/collected exterior. He replied with a “well, we don’t live in the same state.” After I said it was ok, my question didn’t come as planned, and completely changed the subject to something fun. Things followed as normal after that.
Well, about 2 weeks ago his texts weren’t daily anymore and started to dwindle. Since iv only texted him twice where he replies immediately and always (without me asking) says how stressed and tired he is and how he only has a week or two more of that work stress.
I’m constantly fighting the urge to text him, I want to so bad but feel I should let him. It’s confusing because he first says how our texts are joyful but then doesn’t text all week. Not even at night.
What do you guys think of the situation? I do really like him, I’m unsure where it will go but I think I’m just not really to give up the possibilities. I really appreciate it and all your articles!
-Sandy

Reply August 3, 2015, 10:42 pm

Daisuke Aurora

Lol. Women are crazy.

Reply August 4, 2015, 9:48 pm

Markus

Honestly Sandy if it’s only been months and the conversation isn’t was you want then its time to move on… 1000 miles away is too far for a relationship to flourish. Not saying it can’t but chances are it won’t work. Continue talking to him if you want too… have fun here and there but communication isthe cornerstone to a healthy relationship and as far as im concerned its entertainment to him. There are lots of single men looking for a girl like you so don’t settle. If a guy is into you he will make the effort.

Reply August 9, 2015, 11:25 am

Deezy

he said that “even if we didn’t have sexy conversations he was still glad we crossed each other’s paths and how our texts makes his day go by easier”
Idk.. maybe it’s me but it looks like he’s saying “He’s happy to have met you and even though the times you do text, they’re normally sexy conversations. He still loves communicating with you!”

Reply August 19, 2015, 9:18 pm

Vanessa

Okay. I’m confused with this guy. we started talking like a week ago. he initiated the conversation. and i always take a long time to answer back. he started doing the same so then i answered him quicker.but all he ever ask me is “what are you doing?’. and makes the conversations short. The first time he messaged me I was kinda busy so i replied with really short answers and took a long time to reply. He then told me if i was okay and that if he was bothering me. I told him no that i was sorry, i was busy. why? He’s like ” u seem uninterested in talking” and i explained the situation.(sorry i suck at texting) At first he did ask me a few questions but not nomore. I feel after that he seemed more distant. like he didn’t talk the same with me no more.Like all our conversations are abt is what each other is doing. lol help? idk i haven’t really talked to a guy before so i feel like its kinda my fault. but i feel like he doesn’t try also. he tells me really stupid stuff like i’m hungry and he always writes with a double letters on words. idk. so we haven’t talked for a day. but he did see my message and left it as unseen. should i try and text him again. or should i call it quits. please help?

Reply August 2, 2015, 2:46 am

Markus

Vanessa, my impression of you is that you are young and you have only been talking for a week. That is way longer than you will talk to 99% of the people you ever talk to in your lifetime. If you are inexperienced with talking to boys then talk with tons of them. If a guy is interested in you he will make time to talk with you. Don’t dwell on it. Guys will come and go. Treat yourself the way you want to be treated… With care and respect. So if you want to keep texting him and are satisfied with the level of communication you two have then great. But if you think its lagging then I would move on. You don’t have to close the door on him… but don’t wait for him to realize you are pretty cool. Every hour you waste on mr wrong is an hour further from mr right. Ask yourself if you are happy with any situation if the answer isn’t yes then don’t accept it.

Reply August 9, 2015, 11:18 am

joanna

Hi! so i’ve been talking to this guy for the past two weeks, but here is the background story… About a month ago at the end of the school year i was quickly introduced to this guy by one of my friends. The friend was actually having a thing with my best friend and at the moment they are no longer together, however i am still friends with him and some others in that friend group, but the strange thing is that this “guy” only reached out to me weeks later. I had not seen him at all since we were introduced and he direct messages me on Instagram (because i mean who still uses facebook?) Anyways we got talking and he seemed like a cool guy. Not gonna lie he is pretty terrible at texting, i mean he always starts the conversations but i feel like i always have to keep it going, and on top of that are replies are sometimes hours apart. We talked for about a week until he suggested we go out, but then the first he brought it up he said movies but then i replied with grabbing a bite instead because i didnt have the time. The sucker doesnt reply but my friends spotted him with his friends and then he sends me a snapchat of him and his friends, i was pretty rattled not going to lie. I ignored him until he apologized and he said he “forgot” to press send because he got too messed up (he had A POT BROWNIE) its not like i have a problem with that but its the fact he left me hanging, i acted off cool and shrugged it off, and he was thankful i didnt make it a big deal, anyways we talked about the same old stuff probably the best conversation we had was about cars! i mean i feel like i was turning into a bro, but he still showed some interest and even complimented on of my cheeky photos on vsco. So a few days went by and then he wants to make plans. We plan to meet downtown in a coffee shop and then walk around, but then the weather turned to complete shit and he suggested to go for a movie later. I was super exicited he was a gentleman and everything asking which movie i wanted to watch i gave him a choice tho between three. Anyways the coffee plans were suppose to be at 4 this is now 6pm and im thinking we were gonna go to a 7pm showtime but no he was like how about around 9? i was a bit reluctant but said yes, then he goes to ask his mom and she says no because he needs to help packing stuff how they are moving houses in 3 days. He even called himself an ass and i think he was sorry but once again i let down, i went to the movies instead with a few friends. SO the next day (sunday) all i get is a snapchat of his dog!! and then monday comes and he finally texts me with a hey, and we have small talk and he gives me nothing to work with besides a “still packing shit” for a response and so reply “wow u guys must have a lot stuff cuz packing is sure taking a long time” (I HAD NO BETTER ANSWER AT THE TIME IM SORRY) The ass doesnt answer but puts up a snapchat story and everything, at 12:30am (late but still). So now its tuesday and i know its moving day today but its bugging me so much, like this retard texts me but just seems like he doesnt care ( cuz he probably doesnt) but anyways i know he isnt talking to any other gurl ( i have insider information) and I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO HE IS DRIVING ME MAD, he was a great reminder why i dont waste my time on boys, the only reason i havent given up is because my gut is telling me not to, and same informant as the one that told me he isnt talking to any other girl told me about him and has the same interests and mind set as me and i think we could be more than friends but ugh so far its going no where. SO MY QUESTION, is this into me? and should i still invest my time on him? you tell me sabrina or rachel or eric

Reply July 28, 2015, 5:16 pm

Ekta

Hi
My Ex is married but 6months back he contacted mee and was apologetic and repents not marrying me. Then after a month he wanted to have an Xtra marital. Initially I didn’t talk n even changed my no. But now we met last week after 6 months and kissed. but after this meeting he didn’t call or texted and even didn’t replied to my texts. M confused!!!! Yes hez blocked from my fb n wats appl only way he can reach me is thru call or text msg.

Reply July 25, 2015, 10:06 am

Markus

Ekta!!!!! He is an ex for a reason! If you weren’t good enough then why are you ok with being 2nd best? To a married guy none the less. Even if really wanted him would you trust him? Wouldn’t you wonder where he is at night? That’s what mistresses think when they aren’t the mistress any more. Why are you even talking to him? Move on you are better than that. Don’t settle. You deserve to be number 1 to a man. So don’t accept any less.

Reply August 9, 2015, 11:32 am

Jessica

Confused about my textationship as i call it with a guy I find incredibly sexy. We’ve had a lot of sexy back and forth texts and a couple of flings at his office but its only a Monday thru Friday thing. Making me so frustrated. I know I need to just stop, but should I just quit texting or should I give him an explanation of why I won’t be texting him any longer? Sad thing is that I REALLY dig him!

Reply July 24, 2015, 1:57 pm

Markus

Jessica… why is it only a Monday to friday deal? I mean if you’re ok with that and just finding something else to do on the weekends then why change it? But if you are wanting this to turn into something other that a fling (your words) then just ask why. And you don’t owe him an explanation for anything… if you’re done just say your done.

Reply August 9, 2015, 12:39 pm

Núria

Hey, I met a perfect guy, I really swear it’s the men of my life, the men who I want to marry me, have kids, live with but the problem is he isnt feel the same for me.
We talk each other, he explain me he was interested in another girl but he says me tht I’m really importante for him and he want keep in his life. I was really sad but I accepted. So, I think a lot about it and I say to him that I’ll not give up on him cause I love him and I believe in destin and even he feel nothing for me right now, feels can change. He told me that he wasnt expecting for that and he doenst want hurt me if I see him with another girl. I tried to explain him for me it isnt important because I want keep him in my life even I have to see him with na another girl. He understood that and we were cool, he keep talking everyday but last weekend he travelled with his friends for some holidayscamp and when he come back with talk like always but he stop reply me and soon 1 week passed and he doesnt talk to me.. I dont know why he doesnt talk to me but I’m afraid.
-Sorry for my English, I’m a Portuguese who lives in France.

Reply July 19, 2015, 12:30 pm

Rachel

Stop it. Do not contact him anymore. You deserve to be with a man who loves you the way you love him. The guy you are speaking of does not love you. Let him go. He does not value you. You can do better Nuria.

Reply July 25, 2015, 4:10 pm

markus

Rachel is right stop now. He wants you in his life in case he needs to fall back on you. You don’t need or deserve that. It sounds like you need to teach yourself to become independent. .. you might want a man… but you shouldn’t need a man. Never settle

Reply August 9, 2015, 12:59 pm

Tracy

Hi . I would like to know your opinion. I met a guy at a work, we fell for each other and we started to date. The problem is, we both had non-functional relationships. We knew about it from the beginning, and decided we will let it go with its way and see what the future brings. He tend to messaging me every day, we just talk about the day, plan our dates, share our thoughts. After 2 months I felt, it should be discussed how about his relationship with his girlfriend. Then the problem starts. He explain to me that he is aware that the our situation is not so good, but after years of his relationship is not so easy to close it in a second, that nothing so serious happen so he dont have a clue what to do. He has hard times coming back home from abroad, trying to find his place on earth, good job and so on. After all, he wrote me that he is sad about the thoughts i brought, that he did not want to fall over some other girl but when he met me, he fell crazy in love with me, but the situation is not so easy for him, so he is not able to give me the final answers for my questions. He asked me for favor, if I can give him some days to think and brush his thoughts so he can make himself more clear, and after that we can meet up and speak about it, that he is not good at phone communication. I agreed, but know it is the third day and I did not get any message from him. I do not know what he is thinking. maybe its just that he is really thinking about us and dont want to contact me until he is sure what to tell me, but its really strange because before we tend to chat all over the day. Now? Nothing! I am starting to think that he just cut me off. Even, he is not that type of guy, he is very responsible and dont want to hurt anybody so I count on it, that if anything he will let me know directly , but still. I am confused. What do you think?

Reply July 17, 2015, 1:55 am

Markus

He did give you his choice. He won’t leave her. What’s to think about if he is soooo in love with you? Do you want him having this conversation with the next girl when you think he is with you? Ask yourself what would you tell your 24 year old daughter if she was you? You would say why are you wasting your time with him? A fling ok whatever but both in telationships and running around. It’s called lust. Move on you deserve better than that. Never settle

Reply August 9, 2015, 1:06 pm

Kelly

Hi Eric, could you please elaborate on this:
“I would encourage you to look for opportunities for the guy to make an effort towards you. The more of an effort he puts into seeing you or doing things for you, the more invested in you he’ll become.”
Are you suggesting that women should not initiate contact with a guy in the beginning so that he can put in more effort and become more invested? I may be misreading what you said so please correct me if I’m wrong.
Also, what is your take on a woman sending a man a text message in the beginning stages? My ex recently reconnected with me and while he has mostly contacted me first to see me, there are times when I want to text him first. However, I worry that initiating first may lead him to pull away or put less effort into reaching out to me first. With that being said, if he initiates communication and makes plans to see me when I don’t initiate texts with him, should I just not initiate at all?

Reply July 5, 2015, 12:48 am

Patty

I have this same problem. My bf will be responding to other people on Facebook and reads my messages and doesn’t reply. We have been together 2 years and it’s a complete difference to how it was before. It was always a quick response, we would send each other cute messages and Smiley’s and now he just looks at them and no reply, or if he does its not with anything cute back. When I bring it up he just dismisses it and says he’s not acting differently but he clearly is. I am not sure what to do because it is really stressing me out.

Reply July 1, 2015, 12:14 am

Markus

Patty FB is FB… do you text or talk on the phone? Or only by FB? If other forms of communication are working who cares about his response on FB. However you habe expressed your consern to him and if you are unhappy then change could be a good thing. Don’t be a pushover. He isn’t going to wakeup one day and say I need to respond to Patty faster on FB today… Communication is key in a meaningful relationship

Reply August 9, 2015, 1:14 pm

Tonya

I’ve been talking to a man for about 4weeks now. We went to school together but we didn’t hang out way back then. He is 8 hrs away. Everything was going good. We made plans to go to the beach on Sunday, today is Thursday. I haven’t heard from him in 2days. I didn’t change anything, I texted and called like I always have. Should I cancel the hotel (it’s in my name) or just wait it out? Oh and by the way he was the persistent one, he is the one who made contact. What sucks I I really really like him. 🙁

Reply June 25, 2015, 8:55 pm

Liv

I just dont get it sometimes. I met a guy on a dating app. We agreed to meet. He texts me to ask when and where I want to meet up, I tell him, then 8 hours later he says sorry he fell asleep. Ok sure it was late when we were texting so believable. But then he asks again when and where and then doesnt repond to me for another 8 hours. This happens a third time the next day I finally just tell him hey I am beginning to wonder if I am being catfished and his response is, “Because i dont text back in two seconds. Wow you are immature if you think you are being catfished. Have a good day bye” Like wtf, it wasnt 2 seconds. you asked me when i wanted to hang and then never respond back and its not needy to wonder whats going on.

Reply June 22, 2015, 4:53 pm

Maggue

Sounds like he is an inconsiderate a hole. Just forget about him. Bye felicia! I know it sucks but they nobody has time for that!

Reply July 11, 2015, 1:37 pm

Markus

When I made plans to meet a new girl I was excited. .. probably couldn’t have fallen asleep if I tried.

Fool me once shame on you… fool me twice shame on me.

Don’t settle there are plenty of guys out there who want to spend time with you.

Reply August 9, 2015, 1:21 pm

Cheryl

We had an argument over keys wow this is crazy he wouldn’t talk to me or tex me for two days he said I embarraced him when I got upset with him for saying something very dirty to another girl right in front of me and I said to him don’t ever say that again with that I got back from him shut your F**king mouth I was like Wut I was working at the time as a Bartendar while this happened . So he had used my car earlier when at wk so after he said that to me I said give me my keys and he said later on that I embarraced him by saying that to him so he got mad and went home . Next day I go to a wedding alone and people at the wedding are like we’re is your man I was so embarraced to be there alone later on that night we started to tex back and forth things got heated I said he said got more heated then I went on my FB. And deleted him oh boy not a good thing but I did it because I was upset , now today I send a tex to him telling him I am apolazising for embracing him then he sends back a tex ok that’s all I wanted from u was to apolazise .. Then I tell him in anger I Deleted him from my FB. And he comes back with oh by the way I am not accepting u back on my FB . Now I am upset again and did not reply to his tex I am in need of a reply asap to Wut I should tex back to him about this I feel I apolazise to him then he wants to start another argument over texting me this crap to push my buttons. Omg. Now Wut I am getting confused here Wut do I say back to this tex ..,,

Reply June 8, 2015, 5:11 pm

Emily

So my boyfriend we are texting for a good maybe 5mins and the he’ll just stop answering for 6-8 hours and I just say okay in my head and won’t text him back but today he told me he wasn’t busy at all but he didn’t text me for the whole day and I texted him and said hey and he just read it and never replied does that mean he just doesn’t care anymore??

Reply June 1, 2015, 2:23 am

Ronielle Copeland

It depends how often do you guys see each other??? If you both see each other all the time as stay with each other , he’s probably thinking about continuing the conversation when he returns home. Totally doesn’t mean he don’t care, trust me go out with another guy he cares!!! LOL

Reply June 1, 2015, 12:23 pm

Kris

I personally don’t think a person that you’re not serious with is obligated to text you all day everyday, but I do think not texting back but having time to post on your social media pages is a bit rude. The guy I’m “seeing” is very distant. We talked for a little bit and he changed suddenly. He told me that he wasn’t looking for anything serious. But the thing is, I haven’t mentioned anything about being serious with him simply because that’s not what I’m into at this point in my life; I don’t have the time. We went an entire month without communicating outside of work but suddenly he texts me out of the blue (I was indeed shocked). That lasted for about two days or so and now he’s back like he used to be, he rarely texts me back. I told him that he was absolutely horrible at texting back and he responded almost a day later saying “I really am”. Idk If he’s just not into texting or it’s just me… I think he doesn’t show too much “attention” bc he thinks that I was fall for him or something like that. It’s complicated.

Reply May 25, 2015, 11:51 am

Ronielle

NO!!! He is Playing fence and I would run far !!!! He probably already has someone and because you are a good catch , he is trying to keep you on stand by , Guys do it all the time!! I’m communicating with a guy and he has a girl and stays with her but he stated ” I strongly attracted to you ” & ” I don’t want to do the same thing on Thursday that I did on Monday!” I thought to myself this dog! lol

Reply June 1, 2015, 12:27 pm

Markus

So are you seeing him or just hooking up? Because if you’re seeing him I would run. If he is simply a hook up then treat it as such. No expectations just booty call. Its not worth the headache to try and understand someone who has no clue themselves. Find a new buddy

Reply August 9, 2015, 1:33 pm

Ginger

Oh my God, this helps so much. My boyfriend of 2 months used to text me every time he was free to say hey, and ask how I’m doing and tell me what he’s been doing all day. He also used lots of hearts and smiley faces, and would tell me cute things like he wishes he could be with me right now, or he misses me. Recently it’s been so different, he doesn’t really send good morning or good night texts unless I do, and they’re not anything
extravagant at all. Or he will barely text me all day. When we’re together, it’s perfectly fine and he’s usually very sweet to me. He still makes plans and tries to see me, but his texting habits have been discouraging and I’m afraid to say anything without him thinking I’m crazy. Do you think it’s anything to worry about, or am I being paranoid? Do all boys do this? I’m sick of waiting around for a good morning text and then being pissed all day that I didn’t get one.

Reply May 23, 2015, 10:51 am

Markus

What happens if you don’t text him at all? Will he text you? How often do you see him? If you see him everyday then just politely say you would like him to send you a quick text throughout the day. So you know he’s thinking of you… thats not too much to ask. But communication is key in a relationship so if its lacking now… it won’t get better later

Reply August 9, 2015, 1:40 pm

lily

when i found he was with another man, i expressed my sad feelings, he got angry and broke up with me 7 months ago. he then once a while called me and asked me if i talk with other man.I am an Asian woman and he is a white man, we are middle-aged and had a 5 year relationship. i have a son under 18 years old and he never got married.

Reply May 15, 2015, 10:13 pm

jude

I am really surprised that people are thinking this way about texts. I’m a girl and I totally take the guy approach to texting. I’m not tied to my phone all the time, and I rarely text back instantly, unlike my male best friend! Maybe the guys dont have credit, are busy.concentrating on something else..are they working? I also think a lot of times people send messages which just dont really warrant a reply. Like they just had dinner or watched “the voice”…..well, thats great, what do you want me to say to that? I’m mostly with the guys on this one.

Reply May 14, 2015, 9:19 am

So Thankful!

Oh my gosh! This is a life saver!!!

I have been chatting online with this guy for like a month. At the beginning he contacted me almost everyday and chased me really hard. Then he went MIA for a few days and my stupid girl mind went crazy and unfortunately I sent a freaked out email asking what happened and what did I do? He assured me everything was fine and he was just busy. Since then I always had an inkling like maybe something was off. Whenever we did chat, things were great and I tried to keep things casual an normal. But I always fought this thought that I screwed up somehow and he was losing interest. So I sent him lots of messages all the time (casual and flirty, mind you) but still very frequent, and I never heard back often. But during this we’d still chat every so often and again it was great.

So finally after several non-returned messages when I felt close to another freak out email, I decided to take this advice and change my MO by backing off. Just told him I realized he was busy so I’m still around but I won’t bug him all the time and I’ll wait for him to say hi when he has time. An agonizing few days went by and it was really hard on my natural girl freak out tendencies, but I powered thru.

Then finally today as I was rereading this article, I received an email from him (1st one he’s ever initiated)! Asking how I am doing and saying sorry he’s been so busy and that he’s not avoiding me and hoped I didn’t think that. Then he even signed off the email saying “Kinda weird not having you bug me ;-)” LOL My mission is accomplished!!!! 😀

Thank you!!! This has helped my brain rethink how to deal with guys who don’t respond right away and makes me feel more in control of my feelings – kinda empowering. 🙂 Woohoo!! Definitely the best advice I could’ve received!! 😀

Reply May 8, 2015, 2:56 pm

Rita

Hi…. How are things now????

Did he stay in touch on a regular basis or has he gone MIA again ….

Reply June 21, 2015, 9:51 pm

Rita

Hi…. How are things now????

Did he stay in touch on a regular basis or has he gone MIA again ….
Just wondered if it had a long term affect on him ???

Reply June 21, 2015, 9:54 pm

Jennifer

I was talking online to a guy for 2 weeks everyday. We talked about meeting each other. He said things like i may fall too hard and fast for you, you maybe my dream woman but i could take advantage of him…he asked me to message him something, i did and it was long so i sent a picture and said are you paying attention? He responded later and said yes he was love your body and apologized for being MIA because his dad had a stroke and responded again i havent heard from him in 2 weeks,,what should i do?

Reply May 6, 2015, 1:28 pm

Markus

Don’t do anything… if he texts you again fine if not no loss

Reply August 9, 2015, 1:54 pm

Kira

So I just met this guy and I text him first the next day. Well he asked questions
How’s your day?
What time do you get off from work
I responded back, no response from him so about 45 minutes to an hour I asked him how he was doing? Nothing. It’s a new day and I wanted to know it considered needie to text him again today. I haven’t dated in years so I don’t know how it works anymore.

Reply May 4, 2015, 12:09 pm

Markus

Yes sounds needie… give it a couple days and send another one… no response then delete

Reply August 9, 2015, 1:58 pm

Katherine

Well this is a recent development.
Me and my bf have been dating way over a year. I always find around the 6 months month texting drops anyway, as you get used to each other and your routines etc. So I didnt think anything of it.
But before, he would text me back within 30mins-hour depending if hes busy or not. If hes at his computer or home he would text me instantly.
I see him online, playing games, in skype. I know hes talking to our friends in skype calls as they’ll be responding to me.
But he just doesn’t respond to me. In Skype or text, not he just doesn’t respond or when he does he puts “Awww”, “Well then”. He’s just not paying attention to me no more. I know he’s busier now with exams, and his parents, and TKD and tutoring, but before he would always make time for me. Even just one League game for 30 minutes.
So When I ask “Did you fall asleep last night at all?” he would just say “Oh yeah… Did you text me sorry.”
He’s lost interest hasn’t he? :/ Its hard because I actually believed in love and like even marriage with him >.< I feel a bit like a fool.
I know he's not cheating, he's so anti-cheating as he was cheated on in his last relationship. Its just… Sad is all. I can't exactly 'Spice it up' as hes very reserved and whenever I try to he just doesn't like surprises, he likes routine.

Reply April 28, 2015, 6:54 pm

Markus

Ok are you dating n the same city? Or online dating?

Reply August 9, 2015, 2:02 pm

EmmA

ok so I like this guy and when we first started talking he told me he liked me so a few months later I told him I liked him too but then he denied telling me he liked me any that left me heart broken. So I hadn’t seen him for 4 months and then we end up at this convention together and at first it feels so awkward but then he comes and sits with me and we talk a bit. So my friend was on my phone on this new Chinese app called Myidol and she made me look like Elsa (I’m black so imagine a white Elsa with a black persons facial structure) and it was funny so he asked to see and I showed him then I look away for a bit and when I look back he had gone out of the app and onto my ask.fm and he went through all the questions I had asked him which was a lot and he kept on joking that I had nothing better to do with my life. And then he goes into my Camera roll with out asking me and looks through all my photos. And I have such embarrassing photos in my phone plus I follow a few workout accounts on Instagram and I screen shot helpful tips and I was so embarrassed when he went through it. I got so annoyed that he did that and after the convention was over I just wanted to leave immediately but my friend who I was going home with wandered off to go talk to people and I was just left there waiting for her while he was just looking am me like he didn’t know me. I had gotten enough of him and I left to go sit by the door but then he went to his friend and was talking to him and I could have sworn he was talking about me. I just don’t understand why guys are so anoying like why would he just look through my phone without asking me like I wouldn’t do that to him cause I respect his privacy. So now I don’t know if I should forgive him or forever hate him because I don’t think I can bare to see him again for another 5 years. UUUUGGGHHHH!!! For the past 4 months I had been hoping to see him again and when I do he goes through my phone without asking me. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE!!! Some one please help ????????????

Reply April 27, 2015, 4:20 pm

Tutku

Hey, I am currently talking with a guy who lives 45 minutes away from me. At the beginning, he seemed very interested but now he only texts me once a day. And his texts are really sweet and nice. He doesnt call me anymore and didnt make a request to meet. We met once and its been roughly 3 weeks we are talking. I dont know what to do or how to make him give more attention to me. I dont want to mention to him that I am annoyed by his actions because I dont want him to think that Im pushy..

Need help

Reply April 26, 2015, 11:11 am

Markus

So ask to meet up again… I mean a guy who is interested should show interest… a little more than a regual once a day

Reply August 9, 2015, 2:07 pm

Cat

I’m dating this guys for 2 months and everything has been fine. None of those signs that he was pulling away, if anything he was very passionate in the last couple times we were together. Out of the blue, he went radio silent for 5 days. I thought about the whole time we were together and honestly I can’t think of any reason why. I am not a needy or clingy type because I am busy myself and need space too. But I would never ignore the person I am dating for over 2 days. Any thoughts what I should do here???

Reply April 24, 2015, 10:21 am

Diane

Wait….. if he’s interested he will reply

Reply April 25, 2015, 11:33 am

Diane

Maybe he’s feeling more than he’s comfortable with and he needs a bit of space to process his feelings

Reply April 25, 2015, 11:36 am

Bella CA

Hi, it might sounds crazy but I met this guy from the Dating Site. He’s a widower and after some chitchat, I realized that I like him. I like his personality, and he keeps told me that I’m pretty, and he always told me to share our passions, dreams, etc. so I thought he’s liking me back. But then after the weekend, he didn’t contact me and on Monday night, he told me that he went out to met his children. (He really loves his children and will do anything for them, but it’s not working for his ex-wife).
Now I’m so sad. I texted him last night when his sk*pe status was online, and he doesn’t texted me back until now (it’s been 7 hours) but he changed his online status to “away”.
Well, I really hate this feeling because I really really like him, I don’t care with his flaws and I still hope that we can meet and have a future together 🙁

Reply April 21, 2015, 9:07 pm

Sl

Ok so I have this guy who I’m interested in, he’s really sweet but I’m kind of worried because he’s extremely good looking and SOOO nice. He’s 3 years older than me and I know that we aren’t anything but friends right now. Even though he is constantly telling me how beautiful and nice and amazing I am. He doesn’t go to my school so it makes me wonder if he’s talking to any girls and saying the same things to them. He occasionally doesn’t reply to me and he says that he forgot or was busy. The problem is that i don’t know if I should text him again or just wait until he finally replys to me even if it’s like 2 days later. Sometimes I think if I should kind of remind him like with a “?” But then I end up not doing it. Since we are just friends I don’t want to seem needy. So do you think I should just start a new convo or wait for him to text me first?

Reply April 19, 2015, 11:14 pm

Free spirit

How about people stop determining their self worth by a text message? If people don’t respond maybe they’re busy, at work, or, better yet, actually enjoying their life. Text messages have become a way for those with a lack of self-esteem or those who crave attention to doubt themselves and their self-worth because someone didn’t respond ASAP. Who cares? Live your life for you. Don’t worry what others think. If you send a text to a guy or a girl with expectations of a certain response or within a time frame, 99% of the time you will be disappointed. Ideals are never our reality.

Reply April 19, 2015, 7:37 pm

Grace

Thank you. You have eloquently summed up how I feel about texting. People who want to contact you will do so and no one’s self-worth should be reduced to whether or not they receive a text!

Reply June 3, 2015, 8:53 am

Tania Harera

Before I always chat by whatsapp but not now, already 3 days I always first chat him nd greet him.. I am confused but I still think positive not negative, but I know he busy..
I need advice, I’m 20 years old and I fell in love with a man 30 years old .. I know it online and I still contact with him until today, but a great distance made difficult to meet him (I was in Indonesia and he was in german) .. I never thought he was not interested in me, and instead he ever thought I was not interested in him, he is still single and he said he would come to see me in september .. and he never said “it was funny when you laughed when you were next to me .. Never had this Situation before, because of the distance ..
It was really hard for me to see you cry
Because I could not change anything
But it Showed to me you are a good Girl with the right Ambitions “

Reply April 14, 2015, 3:51 am

LP.online

Hi Tania,
How long have you known this German guy now from the time you guys started knowing each other online? You mentioned “i fell in love with a man …..” … have you asked yourself if you are jumping into it too fast? What kind of assurance did he give you that he is serious in this as well?
To be blunt, I think you need to protect your heart by not trusting every single word he said until he has proven it. If he’s busy now, he will use the same excuse if he can’t make it to Indonesia to visit you in September. You should detach yourself emotionally from relying on him to much to make you happy. You need to live life to fullest as if he is not there, and if he really appears in September, that will be a huge bonus to your already fulfilled life.
As selfish as it sounds, you should always come before him, not the other way round. Don’t put yourself in an emotionally dangerous position to depend your happiness too much on him, or any guy for that matter.
Hope it works well for you. Take care!

Reply April 14, 2015, 7:46 pm

Tania Harera

To : LP. Online

Big thanks for your advice, everything you say is true .. I am confused previously never like this .. I can only pray and wishing everything he was said is true.. I have a wrong feeling to him, I just be here waiting for him, and if he comes, for me it is a bonus from God for me

God always blessing:)

Reply April 17, 2015, 8:29 am

Emi

I am in a similar situation! my guy told me he would text me this weekend… and then didn’t. like i’ve just been staring at the phone this whole time… waiting.. and nothing. like I can’t text him first.. so i have this horrible pain of waiting for him to text meeee.

Reply April 11, 2015, 11:04 am

Natalie

Don’t sit around & wait for a guy to text you, and when and if he texts you back, don’t jump on the phone & text back straight away. I hate all the time rules of when your allowed to txt the Guy back, you’ll know yourself really. But honestly, don’t spring to the phone when he texts, guys like the chase in a relationship so let him chase you, if he doesn’t then it’s not meant to be. Hope this helps

Reply April 13, 2015, 5:55 am

Meee

Did he ever text back?

Reply April 22, 2015, 2:30 pm

Joanne

Eric,
I must say, you have hit the nail on the proverbial head. My guy is away a lot, and yes his job is stressful and it takes 95% of his time. I have enjoyed reading your articles and emails. I HAVE taken action as you have stated..I can practically “hear” him panting in his texts, when he is finally able to. Last night was amazing -I let him be the “winner”, after days of me not texting him, his first text was “ok..good, your there, hru” I led the conversation all about him, he finally asked “how am I, what have I been doing”
Anybody else reading this, LISTEN and FOLLOW Eric”s advice LISTEN, don’t just skim the articles, reread them go over them..what he says may sound very simple..but guess what, it works.
Thank You Eric, I’ll keep you posted.

Reply March 31, 2015, 10:56 am

Mia

I’m living in Mexico City right now. I met a guy (Mexican) on Friday at a club. He came up to me and said that we had met the last time I was there but I couldn’t recall. As we talked I felt a really strong connection. We talked all night on the couch until it closed and then I went back to his place. We talked and had sex all morning and day basically. It was really amazing, conversation and the rest. I left around 6pm Saturday afternoon. So he texts me on Monday at 2pm asking me to come over for drinks. I saw the message a few hours later, told him I needed a nap to recover from Sunday. He said no worries he would be home later. I message him around 8, and he says he had stepped out and he would let me know when he gets back. And then nothing… It is Tuesday afternoon. Is he an asshole? Is this a bad sign? When/if he gets back to me should I play hard to get (which I hate)? I am thinking way too much about it I know, but I just really liked him and felt good around him. Advice please.

Reply March 17, 2015, 3:52 pm

Kora

This guy and I started texting, we texted for a week, he started most of all the conversation, told me that I was his definition of his perfect girl, sent me flirtation emoji cons and asked if I would ever date him, liking the guy I said yes, he asked me out to the movies and I went with him, I offered to pay and he said no and he paid for everything. He seemed nervous because he kept rubbing his leg. He invited me out next weekend to go quading.
After the movie date he texted me and asked what was I hoping would happen? I replied talk more I guess and he said that’s what he hoped for too, he invited me again to come quading on the weekend. The next day I texted him he ignored me all day than claimed he was busy, I was totally cool with that. Then the day after that we texted and it was very short but he was flirting, then he stopped texting all of a sudden. It’s been 3 days and he’s ignored me? I asked if we were still going quading, but no reply, he read it and I know he isn’t busy because he’s been on social media? What did I do wrong? Why is he ignoring me? I thought things were going good and we were on a road to a relationship, so he lead me into believe.

Reply March 13, 2015, 7:48 pm

beay

Hey, I know exactly how you feel. I had the same with this guy, he was texting me all the time,in work, during the day, at night,just little things like Hey, I am thinking of you…and all that. I went out with him twice, so I thought he liked me, but since then he has stopped texting me, and doesn’t reply to my texts either. I don’t get it, if he didn’t like me, why go out with me on a second date?? Guys are just so weird.

Reply March 15, 2015, 3:47 pm

Martha juanita

So I hope someone can help me with some advice. I have been dating this guy for about two months as typical at the beginning he was very into me calling, getting together ect. I even left for a week and he was texting everyday very involve in my life. He is a very busy guy has lots of friends those marathons and it is very active. When I came back he presented me all his friends so I saw this as a good sign. The only problem is that he kept saying he is a egoist person which I quite didn’t understood because so far everything had been fine. Then 10 days ago we saw each other and I ask him about the egoist thing because he kept repeating it. He told me that he was going through a period where he needed space and to do whatever he wants to, to be independent. I didn’t see this as a problem since I am usually a very independent person. But after that he started to withdraw, that weekend he didn’t call me at all. I have to accept I did the mistake of asking if something was wrong on Sunday. He answer everything was good with me but he needed some space as he told me before. Do to that I back off. Didn’t heard from him until Wednesday when he call me apologize for being distance and told me that he just needed some time on his own. And that he was going to be busy due to some friends things and work until the following weeks that he hope I could understand. I thought this was reasonable and said it was ok. Didn’t heard from him after that so I decided on Saturday to send him a morning funny text he read it but didn’t reply. Today is Sunday and he has not reply or text me at all. I am feeling quite nervous cause of course I want to know what is going on, or if he is just gonna disappear all the sudden. Any advise? For sure I am not gonna text again but it is so difficult since everything just started to collapse a week ago.

Reply February 22, 2015, 8:31 am

Martha

So I hope someone ca help me with some advice. I have been dating this guy for Alison two months as typical at the begining he was very into me calling, getting together ect. I even left for a week and So I hope someone ca help me with some advice. I have been dating this guy for Alison two months as typical at the begining he was very into me calling, getting together ect. I even left for a week and he was texting everyday very involve in my life. He is a very busy guy has lots of friends those marathons and it is very active. When I came back he presented me all his friends so I saw this as a good sign. The only problem is that he kept saying he is a egoist person which I quite didn’t understood because so far everything had been fine. Then 10 days ago we saw each other and I ask him about the egoist thing becaus he kept repeating it. He told me that he was going through a period where he needed space and to do whatever he wants to, to be independent. I didn’t see this as a problem since I am usually a very independent person. But after that he started to withdraw, that weekend he didn’t call me at all. I have to accept I did the mistake of asking if something was wrong on Sunday. He answer everything was good with me but he needed some space as he told me before. Do to that I back off. Didn’t heard from him until Wednesday when he call me apologize for being distance and told me that he just needed some time on his own. And that he was going to be busy due to some friends things and work until the following weeks that he hope I could understand. I thought this was reasonable and said it was ok. Didn’t heard from him after that so I decided on Saturday to send him a morning funny text he read it but didn’t reply. Today is Sunday and he has not reply or text me at all. I am feeling quite nervous cause of course I want to know what is going on, or if he is just gonna disappear all the sudden. Any advise? For sure I am not gonna text again but it is so difficult since everything just started to collapse a week ago.

Reply February 22, 2015, 8:29 am

Sisi

Im a bit confused myself, if recently moved states to stay with my parents for a while, well I broke up with one guy recently. So my manager at my old job there starting hitting me up, first little small talk and good mornings, saying he liked me but since he was my manager he couldn’t. Then over the montgs hes shown sexual interesr as well mind you we arent in the same state. So we were constantly texting me and id call him at work and talk about work related things, and hes like cant wait for you to come back ok then like a week ago he just stopped answering my messages. And I know since I worked with him that he tends to work 60+ hours a week there and usually is sleeping when hes off. But I’ll see him on facebook not hanging out or whatever but just commenting I mean so he has his phone and Ive texted him almost everyday the past week so idk if its cause im just battering him, I havent called him out or anything just waiting on a response and kind. the guys i ask say just chill don’t text him everyday he’ll come around and I guess its just instinct because I cant just go see him whenever so I’m trying to establish a constant contact . What do you think, it’s only been a week

Reply February 20, 2015, 10:39 am

John Aolltet

l am john and l form Ghana

Reply February 18, 2015, 3:05 pm

teri

I think the whole not texting back thing and expecting to bow down to a guy’s childish behavior is nonsense. If I sound needy because he said he was coming over and never shows up, and I waited for him, and don’t get a text until the next day, 14 hours later mind you, that’s a game. I think expressing my disdain of having to wait around for him is fair enough. So yea, I never got a text back. Tells me I was an option. I don’t play this game about guys thinking we are needy because they pull a stunt like I mentioned. His excuse was he fell asleep. I don’t know anyone who falls asleep for 14 hours and doesn’t at least get up once to use the restroom. I say that’s a tall tale. It’s working on 3 weeks since I last sent my text and he still hasn’t responded. Up until then everything seemed fine. I don’t chase guts so I won’t be the one to break the silence. If he wants me, it will have to be on him.

Reply February 10, 2015, 2:04 am

Michele

I so agree, I would not text him and I would probably block him. Actions speak louder than words.

Reply March 2, 2015, 9:05 am

beay

I totally agree with you, this thing about guys being put off cos you’re needy is totally ridiculous. So we are supposed to put up with anything they throw at us, but if we dare to get upset cos they don’t do what they promised, we are needy and not worth a simple message?? What is that all about??

Reply March 15, 2015, 3:51 pm

Free spirit

Have any of you ever encountered a needy man? I have and it’s not fun. It’s that guy you know you can take advantage of. No matter what you do or how you treat him he’s still around because he’s needy! imagine if the roles were reversed and you acted that way? It’s a turn off for all sexes. Confidence, without cockiness, and independence are turn ons. Desperation and neediness are a huge red flag for self-esteem issues.

Reply April 19, 2015, 7:48 pm

Nancy

AMEN Teri. Loved what you wrote & good for you. And to Eric: seriously?!? If a woman wants attention & interest from a man, she’s “needy”?!? So… if you ask a woman for a date, does that make YOU needy because you want to go out with her or sleep with her? Me thinks this is a just another f***ed up sign of the times & a complete imbalance in gender roles. If a man has no qualms about labeling and dismissing a woman as “needy” for having normal human needs like attention, intimacy, connection, etc, then good riddance to HIM. A man with enough emotional intelligence, kindness and class actually appreciates multi-layered women strong enough to show their soft side, embrace their vulnerability and express their legitimate needs. No woman should try and change or downplay her good [human] qualities just so men like you don’t label her as “needy”. And btw, i have a lot of lovely guy friends who say they don’t want a woman who acts like a man and is always busy and shows no “need”. Or plays hard-to-get games just to prove her worth.

Reply April 3, 2015, 9:17 pm

Eric Charles

No… you’re misunderstanding me.

To be really honest, I don’t like the term “needy”… it gets thrown around in dating/relationship articles to a point where nobody knows what it means (other than that whatever it is, they don’t want to be it…)

The only reason I bring it up in a useful way (though it doesn’t always translate… case and point).

To clarify “neediness” when I’m talking about it – no *wanting* something doesn’t qualify as neediness. I want coffee right now, but if I don’t have it right now I’ll be fine… it won’t ruin my day… it won’t make me question my self worth or worthiness in the eyes of others… it won’t make me feel like I’m not OK.

“Neediness”, really, is a state of mind. It’s the state of mind where a person believes they NEED someone else to do something, say something or be a certain way in order to feel OK.

We need oxygen. We need food. We need water. Those are needs.

But the moment someone starts buying into the idea that they need another specific person’s approval, validation, acknowledgement, appreciation, reciprocity, etc… that’s where everything falls off the rails. Note the keyword *specific* person’s approval in the last sentence, any human being needs love and approval from someone, somewhere…

The rest of your comment is just a bunch of spouting off about your opinions about how men are, how women are and how gender balance is. You’re entitled to your opinion… I don’t know how well holding that perspective is working out for you in terms of your happiness, love life and overall life satisfaction… but you’re entitled to have your opinion all the same.

Reply April 4, 2015, 10:25 am

Sharon

It’s perfectly fine to need another person. I agree with Teri, Nancy, Michele, Beay. As you said, we have our own opinions, so do you, Nick. This article is your opinion and your point of view, and shouldn’t be written as the ‘truth’, rather like just your preference.
Like Nancy said, aren’t men tired of the ‘hard to get’ game? Some might be, some just want a transparent face, that actually speaks out her needs. If a woman stays with those, if a man stays with something that bothers him or causes him hurt, it could build resentment over the time.
In this world, we all need from each other. So yes, it could be we need interaction as much as we need oxygen.
On my side, I’m just another woman, with her own opinion. But I do need my partner, I like being with him, and one of the things that inspire me of him is that he is not revengeful. That sometimes I do things that could hurt him, but he always forgives and continues giving me his all. It motivates me, and inspires me. There’s no more games, just forgiveness, and I wouldn’t want to hurt him repeating the action I did before. If we answer anger with angerness, it’s just a downfall cycle. If we answer distance with distance, somebody needs to take the step into closeness again, be it the man or the woman. We won’t leave all the work to the man either, shouldn’t we? And if we live the man who treats us so well, if I leave the man who has been so kind with me, I would be such a fool. It sounds better than thinking: ‘there’s plenty of fish’. If somebody leaves me because I express a need, then that’s their problem, because I too love with all my heart and I have my own life, but I do need contact. But it’s true, there’s ways of asking for that attention. Not with reproaches or demands.
Did you know, that as couples age they stop talking to each other?

Reply May 23, 2015, 12:26 pm

Sharon

I think we both are not old to actually know the truth about dating. Perhaps somebody who has already lived his life would be able to know… Meanwhile, like you said to Nancy, ´´I don’t know how well holding that perspective is working out for you in terms of your happiness, love life and overall life satisfaction.´´ In many years ahead, let us know how your relationships go. If you don’t respect a woman who wants to hear from you, who wants to listen to you, who might look ‘needy’, then that’s your own preference.

Reply May 23, 2015, 12:35 pm

BeverlyBeverlyBe

Teri, I couldn’t agree with you more! These are suppose to be men not little boys, if a man is showing interest in a woman and swears he’s into her then he couldn’t play games and why are we the bad guys to show concern when they disappear or stop texting? Are we not allowedto speak up out of the fear of being labeled needy, the man I was seeing for 7 months started this foolishness, when i told him his ignoring my text frustrated me, he ignored me even more so as much as it hurt, because I had fallen in love with him, I had to drop him like a bad habit, Good luck ladies, relationships should feel good

Reply June 23, 2015, 1:43 pm

justagirl

Hi Guys, I wanted to add a comment because basically over this weekend i have been goggling, searching pages like this for some kind of advice or recurrence as to why the guy I was seeing hadn’t text me back. Constantly checking my phone, social media, worrying, so many thoughts and stress. We had been seeing each other for quite a while about 6 months I would say, he would tell me he loves me, can’t see himself without me blahblah. So on Sunday night after he had ignored me all weekend and said he was ‘staying at a friends’ he was tagged in photos from this girl saying ‘Had a lovely weekend with this one’ my heart sunk, there was photos of them hugging and smiling had having a whale of a time. We messaged back and forth and he said he did love me at one point, he was scared to tell me, he lied, he had been sleeping with her and so on.

What I want people to take from this if they read it, and i wish my past self did it is seriously don’t waste another second. I wasted my whole weekend freaking out while he was off with another girl, I wont get that time back. Go enjoy yourself, have fun, see friends, take your mind off it. I’m not saying its going to happen to you, usually guys are just generally very crap at texting back, but it has happened to me and what has worrying the whole weekend and messaging him done? Nothing he still did it, he was always going to. So if he is a decent guy forget about it and he will come to you. If he is like ‘my guy’ I don’t want that kind of person in my life anyway so don’t waste any more time. And to be honest I feel relieved, today I left my phone at home and thought about myself for once.

Reply February 2, 2015, 4:23 pm

Joanne

I’m sorry that happened to you! But have good advice — relax, don’t worry, and take care of yourself!

Reply February 6, 2015, 9:40 pm

justagirl

Hi Girls, I wanted to add a comment because basically over this weekend i have been goggling, searching pages like this for some kind of advice or recurrence as to why the guy I was seeing hadn’t text me back. Constantly checking my phone, social media, worrying, so many thoughts and stress. We had been seeing each other for quite a while about 6 months I would say, he would tell me he loves me, can’t see himself without me blahblah. So on Sunday night after he had ignored me all weekend and said he was ‘staying at a friends’ he was tagged in photos from this girl saying ‘Had a lovely weekend with this one’ my heart sunk, there was photos of them hugging and smiling had having a whale of a time. We messaged back and forth and he said he did love me at one point, he was scared to tell me, he lied, he had been sleeping with her and so on.

What I want people to take from this if they read it, and i wish my past self did it is seriously don’t waste another second. I wasted my whole weekend freaking out while he was off with another girl, I wont get that time back. Go enjoy yourself, have fun, see friends, take your mind off it. I’m not saying its going to happen to you, usually guys are just generally very crap at texting back, but it has happened to me and what has worrying the whole weekend and messaging him done? Nothing he still did it, he was always going to. So if he is a decent guy forget about it and he will come to you. If he is like ‘my guy’ I don’t want that kind of person in my life anyway so don’t waste any more time. And to be honest I feel relieved, today I left my phone at home and thought about myself for once.

Reply February 2, 2015, 4:21 pm

Amanda

So I need advice! I met this guy at the beginning of december at the shooting range and we hit it off immediately. After our first date, we started hanging out 2-3 times a week. He introduced me to his roommates and shared information about his family. He also invited me over to his friends house for new years. He is not afraid of pda at all since he is super affectionate. However, after new years school started back up for both of us and I have only talked to him once this month. He hasn’t been returning my txt messages and currently its been 2 weeks since I last saw him. When I did see him everything was fine and there was no tension. I am just confused as to what may be happening?

Reply January 30, 2015, 8:24 pm

Frustrated Woman

I can’t believe I’m going to write here, but I’m truly clueless on how to proceed with this situation and am hoping someone can give me insight. I met this guy on a dating sight about 3 weeks ago. We hit it off really, really well. We hung out an entire day and evening and couldn’t seem to get enough of each other. We text constantly through the day, would skype when we got a chance (most of the time it was 2-3 hr long skypes). He works a job that is really screwy hours so his time is limited. I told him it wasn’t a problem and I thought he was worth it, so I’d be here for him. He came out to see me 2 additional times and it was amazing. He has kids that he hardly gets to see due to his job, so I knew this was going to be hard at times. I mentioned to him that we should go on a date sometime again.. he agreed and followed saying work was going to get crazy busy and he’s not sure he’ll have time, and that this was going to get really hard. I of course being a woman, translated that as – maybe he doesn’t want to see me anymore. So I asked him, and he got really upset with me b/c I implied the thought of it. This happened last week.. ever since he’s stopped texting me, but he’ll respond right away if I text him. I’ve hashed it out with him over text, of which I would have preferred in person but he doesn’t have time. His last response was that he’s working his ass off and it’s not what he wants, but perhaps we should just stop since I keep assuming it’s a lack of interest. I apologized to him and told him I didn’t realize he was that busy with work since we’ve not really talked lately, but told him if he wanted to see me again, I’d be here. He never responded to that text and I’ve not heard from him in 2 days. I’ve been in abusive relationships, and I’m use to guys walking away, I explained that to him… so I know some of this is my fault b/c I always think that’s what they’re going to do. What confuses me is why would things be so great, and suddenly he stops texting all together unless I initiate? He’s on facebook and has time to check that, but not send a “hey, good morning”? It doesn’t make sense to me and I don’t know how to take it. I want to send him a text and “fix” it, but I’m not sure I should.. I keep blaming myself b/c I shouldn’t have questioned it… but I also know that if you’re interested in a girl, sending a random hey what’s up every once in a while, isn’t that hard. I don’t need a guy to be texting me constantly. It’s just a very empty feeling and honestly I’m about ready to give up on dating. Being a single mom is hard enough… but dating thrown in is super hard. So I guess I’m just wondering what my next steps should be. Just leave him alone and figure it’s over?

Reply January 30, 2015, 12:07 pm

Marie

Hey, I’m in a similar situation, I met this lovely guy online, we got on really well, he came to my house just for a coffee and a chat, then the next weekend we ,met again, this time we went for a few beers and then spent the night together. He texted the next day saying thank you for an amazing night, and since then (3 days ago) I have heard nothing from him. He works a lot,too and has 2 young kids who he adores,which makes him even lovelier in my opinion. We agreed on so many things, we have loads in common, we had fantastic sex, I thought he really liked me,but now I haven’t got a clue what to do next, as I don’t want to seem needy ( big no no as I ‘ve been told by many). Before we actually met, he used to text me Good morning, or just How are you, little things that made me smile and showed he was thinking about me, but since our weekend together, that has stopped. I really don’t guys. Is it so hard just to text hi, are you ok? …Wish someone would expalin to me how a guy’s mind really works. And yes, I have texted him since, but his replies were just short ,and seemed lke he didn’t want to text. I wish I knew what went wrong, especially since he seemed to have a great time when we were together….am I just reading too much into it?

Reply February 3, 2015, 9:31 am

myself

This guy’s name isn’t Omar off of pof right? The same exact thing happened to me. I knew better than to be on that website…

Reply February 4, 2015, 3:21 pm

Marie

No,lol but I did meet him on pof…

Reply February 21, 2015, 2:30 pm

Indra

I have only been on 2 dates with this guy and we’ve had a blast both times. Kissing, holding hands, being very loving and him asking for more dates. However he wanted to show me some things on his computer for a job he wants to push me to get at the organization where he works. Upon showing me the computer, I noticed Match.com and a folder of “Michelle” on the computer. Match.com, great, we’re certainly aren’t exclusive and I’m on another dating site that I don’t really care for (and I met him on a dating site) — however when a man has a folder of a woman, (as my ex boyfriend did) that raises a RED flag. He wasn’t hiding the Match.com but the file, yea, he was. I personally don’t have files with men’s names on them; I think that’s a bit bizarre. If you have a whole folder, why aren’t you with them? Then, “ooops” he says when he pulls up a photo of him and another topless gal from a photo shoot. Point? He’s doing it on purpose, not sure why. But my attitude is now, I don’t care if he texts back. Then he texted me this morning after I texted him an image of something we had in common yesterday; not expecting a text back but just sharing and he replied this morning with an off-the-wall question. I told him he had the wrong person. He replied with another off-the-wall answer like I could read his mind. I get that this guy is a bit scattered but ultimately if he doesn’t care, I don’t. I’m not waiting for any man to respond and play whatever game they do even if they’re busy (we’re all busy) and I get the “guy” thing when it comes to texting as my brother does the same. So I just “forget” quickly and move on.

Why bother? If he’s not that into you, why should you be into him at all?

Reply January 18, 2015, 5:36 pm

A.BA

so we’ve known each other for a few months. Initially he started telling me he loved me,i felt it was a bit too soon as we’d known each other for just about 2 weeks then and i told him so. He’d always ask me to go with him some place or the other,and he’ll come over occasionally. I guess things changed for the worse and i dont know why. He never asked me out, though he’d let it slip that he wanted to be with me. I guess i like him now and everyone else seems to think we’d make a nice pair as he introduced me as his girl to all our mutual friends. Did he like ever like me? And did this sudden change come as a result of something one of us did?

Reply December 25, 2014, 11:26 am

Benny

I look for girl too talk you are too go out with me be my girlfriend you text me 8069396971

Reply December 20, 2014, 7:01 pm

Aisha

So me and this guy have been talking for like 5 weeks now. I’ve only seen him twice and we haven’t really talked on the phone so we mostly text. Now one time he told me he thought I wasn’t interested so I started texting him more to let him know that I was. I thought everything was okay last week because I told him to tell me if he didn’t want to talk to me and the only thing he said was I didn’t say that. And the next day he started texting me at like 6 that morning. But after that day it seems like I’m the only one texting. And for someone who claims they’ve liked me since we were in high school he isn’t acting like it. He says he’s always busy but if you really want to talk to me you would make time for me. So I don’t know if I should give up or just tell him how I feel. I don’t want to bug him but I don’t like just sitting here not knowing if he actually wants to talk to me or not. I’ve never really had a boyfriend and I’m not good at dating so I don’t know what to do. My gut is telling me to just text him and ask him what’s going on but I don’t want to mess up anything because I do like him.

Reply December 18, 2014, 1:08 pm

Lynn

I have been having experiences where there is a fault with the cell phone provider…a text was sent, but it doesn’t even show up until hours later. I have someone that I really like, we see each other once in awhile, but we aren’t together. Recently, he sent me a text shortly after one I answered him back, but it didn’t reach my inbox until the next morning. It is dated the day before and tells what time he sent it, but it wasn’t in my inbox until the next day. Keep that in mind…that might happen. Another thing, I couldn’t imagine getting upset with him for not hearing from him for 5 hours. He has a busy career. Also, I don’t always answer him back right away because I didn’t get the message due to being asleep (I was taking a nap, I work nights). Sometimes, I miss him for about a 5 hour period because I didn’t check my phone…I didn’t know I got a message and I was busy.

Reply December 17, 2014, 4:49 pm

mynameisnotrihanna

I need to get this off my chest, i’ve been seeing this guy for like some weeks. He says that he really likes me but i feel like it ain’t showing and i get so confused. When i ask him when we’re gonna meet up he’s like ”whenever you wanna” what i mean is HE PUTS NO puckin efford in this whatever it is i don’t even know, but i really like him so i don’t really know what i should do

Reply December 3, 2014, 2:27 am

Klara

I need to get this off my chest, i’ve been seeing this guy for like some weeks. He says that he really likes me but i feel like it ain’t showing and i get so confused. When i ask him when we’re gonna meet up he’s like ”whenever you wanna” what i mean is HE PUTS NO puckin efford in this.

Reply December 3, 2014, 2:24 am

Johanna

Hi, I have been going out with a guy for about three weeks and we met four times and had a very good time. He texted me everyday to ask how my day was and after all of our dates he had sent me a text, what a good time he had. We were then supposed to meet on sunday and he proposed an idea on what to do on Friday evening. I texted him back on saturday about the idea, that I liked. No answer, so on sunday noon I asked when we were going to meet, but he didn’t answer. I then went out with friends for the afternoon doing bouldering and texted him in the evening, that I was now too tired to meet anymore and how his day was. No answer. Later in the evening I texted him, that I don’t think it is very nice and that I don’t like, that he didn’t text me back and give a reason for not showing up. No answer since.
He was usually very reliable in meetings and when we had set a date, but he became sick, he let me know well in time. So, I am really confused about his behaviour this time and am starting to get worried whether something even has happened to him. Am I overreacting?

Reply November 25, 2014, 2:01 pm

booboo

It’s so easy to hide behind a text or phone calls, anything can be said by anyone and keep things going or mysterious or confussing each other. I say if your wanting a relationship thats on the level or true efforts by both parties, then it must be done in person. Texting each other after a relationship has been established is fine. You both are each others best friend and lover or what ever you both established.
women not all men are players, but you have your sweetness caring hearts that can be messed with quite easily. because that is part of our nature. It does not mean that we need to be meaner to men. Men are not all the same either, so if you are getting mixed signals try not to expect much from that man, they are confussed too about who and what they want. They are feeling out the other person, like are you a crazy B. he has to watch out for are you smothering women, do you eat too much are you a big spender, do you have bad habbits.. these men are scared, even though what they want from you is sex only. We women can be scary to men.

Reply November 25, 2014, 11:53 am

Nicole

Great advice if you want to learn how to get the wrong guy to chase you. But why would you want someone who goes MIA or who disappears or who is innatentive. Yes, he’ll see you as a challenge, because deep down women aren’t into men who do these things and men feel it, become insecure and see it as a challenge to get her to be “into them”. Until it isnt a challenge. I’m bored with these types of men.

Reply November 23, 2014, 9:10 pm

Marie

I totally agree with you, I am bored with these types of men too. In fact, I think I will stop bothering alltogether with men, it’s just too damn complicated.

Reply February 22, 2015, 6:26 am

Star

I need some insight with this man that I am seeing. We have been together for about 3 months, I have met his family and vice versa, he calls me his girlfriend, and we usually see each other in person twice or more a week. All that is good. He used to text me frequently then that tapered off. I didn’t think too much of it because we both work full time and are full time college students as well. Then, as of a couple weeks ago, he stopped initiating texts all together. He does respond when I text him though. There have been days when I have been busy and not messaged him. The next time I see him he always brings up when I did not text him. He even told me that he complained to his mother that one time that he had not heard from me all day. I have pointed out to him that he can text me as well. He just said “I know.” What I do not understand is why he suddenly stopped initiating texts, and if he’s just expecting me to message him all the time. Of the two of us, he is the one with the busier schedule, my preference would be for him to message me when he has time to converse. Which I have told him. He said to just text him whenever and he will answer me when he can. I’m not sure what to do. Do I say something to him about him not messaging me? Do I just accept that it’s up to me to initiate every conversation? That to me does not seem equitable. Is it a big deal at all since the rest of the relationship seems fine? It’s really getting on my nerves that unless I put in the effort to make contact, I won’t hear from him. Thank you for reading this and any insight is appreciated.

Reply November 21, 2014, 8:58 pm

Kate

Too bad they never replied to you… I’m in a similar situation. My bf and I are in a serious relationship, really in love with e/o. But just hours after I’m with him, I’ll see that he’s on fb (it will show “active 1 min ago”) and text him, and 1 out of 3 times, he won’t respond for a couple more hours. This happens often during his work day and also late at night. My hunch is that he’s looking at sexy pics to ” relieve ” himself cuz he has a super high sex drive (3-4 times per day at least). But I don’t understand why he won’t just reply to me. Even just “hey I’m tired, just taking a fb break” or something! Instead, it makes me feel really hurt and suspicious that he is blatantly ignoring me 🙁

Reply April 6, 2015, 3:16 am

sherry anderson

Hello my question is I was dealing with this guy for 4 months and now we not speaking everytime I send him a text msg or tried to call him he refuse to respond bak to my calls and msgs. I really liked this guy and since he was being a a**hole I stopped am I doing the right thing by leaving him alone or should I keep trying to win him back I need your help on this one.

Reply November 21, 2014, 8:02 pm

Jellyfish

I went on a date with a guy, we made out ans had a nice time but we didn’t have sex. He said that he likes me (and I like him) at last he did invited me to his place but I refused and I said next time. We even confirmed the next date, and over the weekends we still text and all, the night before the date he still say we are meeting up. But then Monday he just disappeared and won’t responsed to my text.
I can kind of get it if we slept already and he just want a one night stand but we didn’t. I really don’t know what’s going on?
You girls have any thoughts?

Reply November 11, 2014, 10:54 pm

Haritha

What if he takes very casual if we dont respond and we want him more?

Reply October 14, 2014, 9:48 am

Gabrielle

I’m confused as to why this guy will say sweet things to me;will say he wants to see me etc ; everything will seem fine then he will go hours without answering then will ignore me for days without explanation. I’ve tried to cut him out of my life once and for all but he always seems to say the right things to make me let him back in. He’s told me he’s bad with his phone but I don’t believe that since he always seems to have it near when I’m with him. We’ve been off and on for several months and his lack of communication and effort is the biggest problem. I know I’ve come across as needy in the past and I’ve apologized for it. I just don’t know what to do since i don’t think he’ll change since it’s been like that since the beginning but now it’s way way worse. I just don’t feel like I can justify sleeping with someone who can’t even take the time to respond to me.

Reply October 12, 2014, 10:30 pm

Beautiful River

Gabrielle,
I am in the same situation. It is so frustrating. The hard part is that I like him and he is sooo cute. He is also very sweet. The lack of communication is horrible. I feel i am always the one to text first, to suggest an event, etc. What my friends have told me and now I am going to tell you is ………. We need to realize our worth. We are worth more than to be chasing someone who is only giving us a crumb here and there. If we play “hard to get” , they should start seeking us out more. It is just so very hard to do this. I am so ready for a relationship. Maybe we are just in different places? Please let me know how it goes.

Reply October 28, 2014, 11:49 am

Sarah

Gabrielle and Beautiful River, I so much agree with both of you! Guy would text back in a normal time after first meetup like if we were together already, good morning when Im at work what hes up to , how am I etc very sweet and cute, texting all day till evening good night for days… its was so nice then he took a long trip far aways to be off from the world mobile internet etc, after that he was distant, needs to think about life and stuff (I thought its over but why Idk) then another text “nothing is wrong, why would be? you can text whenever you want ” another weird thing.. now it goes hours or days when he answers but always in such sweet way that It makes me love him more even though I was pissed off, playing hard to get? not a good idea with an introvert and second why would I? its playing to be who I am not, Im honest, Im going to be myself so should everyone, and everyone should respect and love themselves as WHO they are, not playing games. needy? not my problem, if the other side isnt communicating answering or hiding the true feeling , wht are we supposed to read their minds? I care, i fell in love of course I want more contact with him to get to know eachother better, but he doesnt tell me the truth, is either “nothings wrong, being sweet” or yes we can go there and there or not texting…
take the courage and tell the truth! better than this “waiting game what eachother thinks lets guess”

Reply November 9, 2014, 3:34 am

Stephanie

Hi there.. I could really use another guy’s take on this..I’m pretty sure i messed up big time with this guy, by getting needy and realizing my mistake too late..

My case is somewhat complicated.. I was dating this guy for 6-7 weeks, it was pretty intense, though we hadn’t put a bf/gf label on our relationship, we had agreed not to see other people. In the beginning of our “relationship” he hadn’t started back up on his studies yet (he still had about a 4 weeks summervacation left). We were together 2-3 times a week, and when we weren’t together we texted a lot..
Though we weren’t together for long, and I really don’t know if we would work longterm, we really did have a strong, intense 6 weeks, with lots a passion and sexual attraction. He several times told me, that he was really into me, and that he had never had this much in common with another girl before, and that I turned him on like crazy..
Things went wrong, after he started back in school, and got busy.. He stated taking longer to reply to my texts and didn’t pick up when I called.. Unfortunately instead of keeping my cool, I panicked sending multiple texts to get him to answer – upto 3-4 text with a few hours between them, some he would answer, others got no reply. It got to the point where I demanded to know where we stood (if he had lost interest in me).. He kinda avoided answering me, but apologized saying he had just been really busy with school and work..
After that I sent a long heartfelt text, saying that i was sorry if it was going to end this way, cause I had really gotten feelings for him, that I was infact in love with him.. He didn’t reply..
About a week after that text, i realized that I had made a major mistake, by sending all those texts, making me come off needy and desperate.. So I made another two mistakes; first I sent him a long text apologizing, saying that I had realized I had messed up, pleading him to accept my apology.. Second I had to go to the store where he works, and of course he was there.. I didn’t approach him, but I ended up wandering around the store, for a bit too long hoping to make contact, so that I could just say “hi” – I stopped myself but i’m afraid he did see me, making a complete fool of myself, looking like a crazy stalker, even though I had a legit reason for coming to the store – yikes!! 🙁

It’s been 3 weeks since he last replied to my texts.. So in terms there was no real “breakup” he never said he didn’t want to see me again, he just stopped answering me, after that last text he sent..
It’s now 11 days since I sent my apology, and a week since I made a fool of myself at the store (where I have to go back next week by the way :/ don’t know whether to hope or fear that he is there again).

I still miss him, so much! I can still smell him and feel his arms around me, when he hugged me goodbye the last time I saw him.. If I could only turn back time and unsend those texts, I would have done it already…

What am I to do? Is there any way I can redeem myself, now that I realized that I came off needy??
Is there still a chance, even though we weren’t together for that long, and eventhough I’ve messed up so badly?? Or is all hope lost??

Reply October 12, 2014, 6:14 pm

bianca

I’m going through the same thing right now.

Reply October 22, 2014, 12:37 am

Kimberley

Spend more time on yourself, ignore him for awhile . If he responds, ignore his texts for like two days. He’ll eventually respond if he’s still interested. If he doesn’t respond for lets say a month, call him, ask him what’s wrong and if you think he’s worth it give the rel. time. If not cut him off completely. I don’t know about you but if someone does not give reason for their absence and is beginning to give one worded answers i’m annoyed to the extent of cutting them off. Please note however that if you come in contact with them be polite.

Reply April 24, 2016, 10:24 pm

suzanne

If a girl texts a guy saying to ‘leave her alone’ after arguing about relationship where he says he ‘wants’ to be with her but she doesn’t believe him, will he think her comment to leave her alone mean it’s over or will he think she needs space?

Reply October 12, 2014, 12:18 pm

Noel

What I don’t understand is why, when the guy finally decides to come back around, are we expected to welcome him with open arms and give him all the same love and attention, knowing he was with another girl, lost interest, etc? As if nothing ever happened.

Reply October 12, 2014, 10:45 am

agratefulreader

Hi Eric and Sabrina, this is an exceptionally useful article on the possible reasons why a guy doesn’t text back. However, i still have a heart burning question as to why some guys do reply, but they do it with photos? Does this signal that he wants to end the conversation or something? Hope you can share with insights on that. Thanks!

Reply October 10, 2014, 1:59 am

Gen

I didn’t realise wanting to finnish a conversation was being needy.
I’ve always thought not saying “ttyl8r” (etc) before you leave was rude.

nothing makes me loose interest faster then when a guy just drops his phone without even signalling that he’s going to go. Just a “soz, busy” or the like will be fine, stuff happens, phone conversations aren’t the most important thing in the world.

However, silence just shows how little you care for the people you talk to.

Reply October 5, 2014, 12:53 am

sara

I feel the same exact way with this guy I’ve been seeing/involved with for past 3 almost 4 weeks now. Initially things were going great as far as communication and seeing each other goes. Lately however, it is usually a hit or miss with whether or not he even bothers to return my calls or texts. According to him, we’re bf/gf, yet he doesn’t seem to act like it a lot of the time. My biggest problem with him lately has been one moment we can be in the middle of texting, especially pertaining to seeing each other again, then right on the dot like clockwork, he always ignores my messages (always after 4pm when he gets done work) until he has to get up early for work next day, or sometimes he will flat out ignore me altogether, even though to my knowledge I never said or did anything wrong. To me, that doesn’t seem like normal behavior for someone who claims to be single. He knows it’s rude and how ignoring me like this especially in the middle of a conversation bothers me, yet there’s no consideration on his part about my feelings. I highly suspect he may be married because his behavior and lies point that way, but I’m still unsure. Sometimes he will even get mad over something dumb on a whim that I have no clue about, and take it out on me by ignoring me. I’m getting tired of feeling like I’m on an emotional Roller coaster with someone who half the time I think secretly gets off on playing with my heart and feelings. It’s not fair to me and it hurts alot. Whenever I do try to communicate to him how his actions affect me, he seems to always know the right words to say to make me fall for him all over again. There have been plenty of times where I’ve considered just ending it and being with someone who will treat me so much better, yet the very thought of me talking to or going out with another guy just on a no pressure kind of date or something, makes me feel sick with disgust as if I’m cheating, even though he could very well be doing the same behind my back, especially if he’s really married. Oh not to mention the fact he lied about having kids. The first time i found out about the two children, i was initially upset but became accepting over it. Then a week or so later, he tells me about a third child that he failed to tell me about, but claims he just found out about it that night. Yeah right. Keep in mind 3 children total, with two baby mamas. The whole thing sickens and upsets me. I don’t know why I continue to allow this man to do me wrong and then allow him to wriggle his way right back into my life and heart. Since being with him, I’ve lost count on how many times he’s made me cry over something he said or did and to my recollection, not once has he ever bothered to say he was sorry. Who does that to someone?!? I think maybe he continues to keep doing it to me because he knows I’m dumb enough to continue being there to put up with it. I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy, like maybe this is all in my head. Regardless, not once has he ever tried to reassure me of things or help calm me down if for example, we’re on the phone and I’m crying. All he says in response is “what’s your issue?”, or he’ll talk to me like it’s no big deal that I’m hurting. Yet I still find myself in love and completely smitten with him. My mom and grandmother told me when they first found out about him, to ditch him because he’s no good, yet here I am continuing to welcome him back with open arms no matter how many times he hurt me. What’s wrong with me?!?

Reply January 4, 2015, 8:19 am

Cindy

So, if I have to play games and “hard to get” to make a guy interested, is he really worth my time? I’ve dated around and I’m over the mind games. I feel like when I find someone I’m really a match with, there shouldn’t be so much mind games. There should just be honesty about how we feel. Shouldn’t it??? Then again, things never seem to move forward with me 🙁 do the mind games ever end???

Reply September 26, 2014, 3:17 am

Audrey

Cindy,
I feel the same way! I’m too old for these freakin’ games. Guys say women play games…BOY it’s not US, it’s THEM!! I get so sick of it! Why can’t I just plain old like someone if I like them & show it w/out fear of him pulling away! It’s ridiculous! I’m very caring, affectionate & thoughtful when I really like someone & it always seems to backfire on me!

Reply November 19, 2014, 12:14 am

Alyssa

I agree whole-heartedly.

Reply December 19, 2014, 9:40 am

sara

Audrey,
I can 100% relate to what you just said. I’ve experienced the same exact thing as you and it is so frustrating. It drives me nuts when I find myself liking someone and the feeling tends to be mutual, yet in order to keep them hooked and interested in me, I need to play hard to get?!? What for? I feel like if you like me then you like me and will do whatever it takes to be with me. I heard from various dating advices, how guus love to chase and pursue and if a girl makes it too easy for them, then he will lose all interest in her. I feel if that’s the case then so be it. Playing hard to get is not who I am. I’m always very open with how I feel, etc. If a guy can’t handle that without the need for mind games, then he probably wasn’t worth my time anyway.

Reply January 4, 2015, 8:32 am

Samantha Braiterman

Chris,
I read your article and I am in No Contact right now. Friday will be three weeks. Surprisingly, it hasn’t been that hard even though we work three doors down from each other. I avoid walking past his job and if I have to pass by to go to the bank, I try to obscure myself so I’m not seen. Truly, I love him and miss him. So, he’s tried to walk after me to get me to turn around, but I ignore him because I feel that if he was truly making an attempt to talk to me, he would make it evident. He tries to bump into me, but now I try to avoid leaving my shop when I know he’s working.
The reason that no contact has been easy is because to me this will show me what he really feels. I left things friendly. When he said that he needed time and space, I told him that I respected that and I told him that he will always have a friend in me. I do feel this way, still I’ve been very sad. Despite my pain, I’ve done nothing to be spiteful and in front of people, I’m my happy normal self. I’m going out with friends as usual and I’m generally acting as normal. My broken heart is just one aspect of my busy life right now.
I moved into a new place and gave him a key. He’s had it all of this time, but if he doesn’t want me, why hasn’t he returned it? There is plenty of opportunity to give it back without seeing me. Also, how do I react when he contacts me? In some ways, I’m upset with him because he’s left me hanging. I know it’s to get me to come to him, but I know if I do, I’ll never know what’s really in his heart. Part of me wants to throw my arms around him and hold him but the other part wants to punch him in the neck.
We had a great relationship. We were friends for almost a year before anything happened. I made sure that he respected me before anything happened because he’s the first man I’ve ever felt this way about. I felt like I wanted to know him. I’d like to think that he misses me too because I was good to him. There wasn’t drama until he started overthinking things. I took it all on the chin and let him go when he asked me to. As I said before, I told him that I would always care and left it at that.
So, why hasn’t my house key been returned and how should I react when I do see him?

Reply September 25, 2014, 12:47 am

Courtney Lee

So there’s this guy that I have been txt,talking to for about three weeks. We have never met yet. He txts me and will ask me questions and seems to be interested but never concludes a convo. He will just txt disappear on me and then call a day or two later like nothing ever happen. Told him that it bothers me and he said sorry. Got a little better for a day or so and then he disappeared on me for the sec. weekend in a row. Was very hurt by him doing this so I did get a lil txt weirdo about it. Felt bad and then I txted to say sorry and now I feel like I went about EVERYTHING the wrong way but there’s no way to take my reaction back so I guess I’ll just never speak to this guy again. He completely has ignored me now for three days.Never dated or did the online thing so I’m very out of touch with what to do and not do.

Reply September 15, 2014, 6:38 pm

sara

Courtney,
I’ve encountered a similar situation as you. Do you think it is possible he’s married or already involved with another woman? Sometimes that is the reason for why a guy disappears like that. I’ve actually had that be the case for me and it’s painful.

Reply January 4, 2015, 8:37 am

Amanda

Hello Eric,

28 year old and I (24) have been talking for a month and a half, but only texting, every day. We say our ‘good morning’, ‘good night’, and ‘I hope you have a great day at work/school’. We both like each other (he told me he does and he confessed he would visit my job because I am there). I took the chance. He knows my mother since they are good friends for about 3 years now and she really likes him for me.

About 5 days ago I asked if i can call him for the first time a few days ago (since texting is, maybe cold to communicate?), he made an excuse that he was cooking and mentioned after dinner. I told him okay and to enjoy his dinner. Nothing. Next morning he texted last night he cooked, did his dishes and went to bed right away. I told him it’s okay and to have a great day. I didn’t bring it up anymore but he could at least tell me he doesn’t want to.
I put most of the effort by seeing him 3 times and what is weird is he is not always flirty on text but in person, he is very flirty and sweet to me. 1st time: We only chat for 5 minutes since I stopped by before he left for work. 2nd time: I stopped by to bring him coffee in the morning and stayed over for only about 30 minutes and chat and watched TV. That day that was when he started hugged me from behind and was very sweet to me. 3rd time: A week and a half ago I visited him around nighttime for only an hour since I left for school the next day (an hour away) and that was when he kissed me and hugged me from behind and everywhere, being very sweet. Of course nothing else beyond that (he knows I never had a boyfriend before). He wants to take it slow and wait for a month for a relationship to see how things go when I asked him if there will be a chance since we kissed the third and last time I saw him (since I go to school now). Plus he told me he works so much and is afraid he won’t give me the time.
I guess he stays to his word by taking it slow because he texts less and when I don’t message him first at all, he messages me but took about 1-2 hours to reply when I replied back even if he is home from work. The last time I ever heard from him was three days now. That never happened since we texted non-stop. The last message I received from him was what was I doing and if I have a lot of studying to do and I replied that I am not studying but doing research for a project that is due in a week and a half and just want to be ahead. That was at nighttime and he never replied or the next day after… I would admit that I flirt saying ‘I miss you’ or ‘Wish you were here’ sometimes but he didn’t respond to them and now I see that maybe or yes I was being forward with the flirting since he said he wants to take it slow?
I don’t know what I should do? I wish I know what is in his mind.
I want to talk about it with him, how I feel since we told each other in the beginning we can talk about anything but don’t know if it is the time? If yes, text or in person to talk? I already have a message telling him how I feel (not anything asking him like why he didn’t text) but if he does message me (which I am not sure if I should wait a few more or just send it) or better yet just text I hope you have a great day like nothing? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Reply September 15, 2014, 2:24 am

Lola

I read the email today about texting/calling behavior of men and the analogy that men can go weeks without texting or calling their buddies or people they socialize with and pick up where they left off is not just true for them, but for women as well. We can pick up relationships with friends and family exactly the same way.

However, it’s not a valid analogy, because the difference between anyone losing touch with friends and family and then catching up again or socializing again is that a relationship with those people has already been established. These relationships did not get to that type of comfort zone without a lot of time and experience together. Therefore, in a dating or romantic relationship, the time and experience together needs to be established before that kind of neglect can be overlooked.

You cannot expect women (or some men) to go days without contact from their romantic partner and have the same reaction as an old friend, family member or co-worker that has already an established relationship with the person. A good relationship requires time together, quality and quantity. To excuse the guy for not texting or calling in a timely manner is simply not acceptable if he wants a good relationship. I find the comparison absurd.

Reply September 9, 2014, 8:18 am

Mary Jo

I totally agree with you Lola…it’s definitely different when it comes to a friendship and when it comes to romantic relationships. The guy should make more of an effort to respond to the person he is interested in if he wants to keep her.

Reply September 23, 2014, 12:58 pm

csybu

I am a musician, I met a guy in one of my concerts, he was following me on youtube though for 3 years (but he did not know I will be playing, it was by coincidence). We spent twice an amazing 3 days together (because we live in different cities) and we have an amazing chemistry. we have not slept though with each other yet, but I can tell he is deeply into me and introducing me as his girlfriend to all neightbours etc. He also asked me few times to move there. Now we have not met for two weeks, and mainly we were talking every day. BUt I was busy and went on a holiday, but he could have come to see me, now I am back from my holiday he supposed to come but I feel like he does not want to make the effort to make this work (even though when we are together everything is so perfect), so I told him to visit him next week, and he agreed but since two days he stopped the communication with me.
I feel like that he does not want to make any effort, unless he has to do nothing and I just visit him.
I do not know how can I turn this around and how long I have to wait to answer to him. The worst is that he is on phonestrike and we only use facebok to communicate, and we only speak a bit once a day.
An advice should be nice, or shall I just leave this as this is too complicated? I never had a long distance relationship but I feel it would be a shame to leave this as it started like a real love. I also would not mind to move there as I am a musician so my job is to travel anyway, but this is shit like this.

Reply September 6, 2014, 7:51 am

Ian

As a guy, I find these comments both heartening and saddening.
I’m saddened that so many girls, like me, have found partners who are opposite their communication needs. I completely understand wanting to talk about little parts of your lives, to share the details, and really be interested in everything about the person. I think it’s completely fair for you to expect the attention and respect you’re not getting!
It’s also saddening from a selfish perspective because I’m the communicative one in my relationship. The woman I’m strongly attracted to seems to be crazy about me emotionally, mentally and physically while we’re together, but is extremely bad about communication via phone or text when I’m not in front of her. I’ve tried talking to her about it, but she brings up baggage from a very troubled past and can’t justify treating me the way she does. But she doesn’t stop either, which I put up with because there ARE a lot of things about her personality I love. She’s nearly perfect when we’re together, but that’s only so much time with work and other commitments.
Gotta run, but to all you ladies… If your communication, respect, or attention needs aren’t being met don’t settle. Don’t believe for a second that all guys are cast from the same mold (though there’s definitely truth to the stereotypes). But there’s likely one out there who doesn’t look at you as needy, who you’ll never have to chase (except in the bedroom), who will accept you as you are and love communicating all the details.

Reply August 18, 2014, 4:03 pm

adf

That’s an awsome comment 🙂

Reply August 19, 2014, 11:15 am

Lacey

I would just like to say, I’ve been reading your site for a while now and whole heartedly taken the advice you put up on here and my dating life has been fabulous ever since! Ladies, take this guys advice! Not only will you start to feel more confident and empowered but the QUALITY of men you CHOOSE to date will go through the roof!

Reply August 18, 2014, 3:33 pm

Audrey

Which advice was it that you followed?

Reply November 19, 2014, 12:24 am

PunchDrunk79

Eric Chase, S.O.S.

I’m so confused. I met a guy a year and 3 months ago. He pursued me initially, but was going through a divorce with children involved. In March I told him I was giving up because I deserved more. He replied saying he wanted to concentrate on his children, his work and himself. Told him it made sense and would contact him at a time when I could keep boundaries in place and not push him to give more than he wanted to give. In May, I sent him a text letting him know that if he still loved his wife to fight for her to which he replied there was no more fighting for her. I didn’t reply to his message because in my mind I was done. He texted me 3 weeks later asking me how I was doing and I replied. Everything started back up from there. He told me he wanted to take things slow relationship wise because he didn’t want to feel overwhelmed. He said he wanted to be more open because the relationship hadn’t gone anywhere last time and wanted to try this. All seemed well, we were seeing each other once a week since we are both busy, and would text during the week of possible. We last saw each other two weeks ago and we were fine. We made dinner and watched movies and he even answered a phone call from his sister and told her he was about to have dinner with me. I thought to myself well we’re going slow, but it’s progressing somewhere. We were both sick the following day, so I offered to bring him soup. May have sent one too many texts offering, but then I didn’t know whether he even liked soup. After finding out this piece of information I let it go and went to bed. Didn’t hear anything from him all week. Sent him a message that Saturday checking to see what him and the kids were up to and crickets. Went to a friends for my birthday and she said something comical and I texted him what she said and in an offhanded way told him it was my birthday. Didn’t hear anything from him Saturday or Sunday. Finally, Sunday my over analytical brain got the better of me.I told him I didn’t know why he had withdrawn, but that I deserve someone that will at least wish me a happy birthday. Then, I sent another text suggesting he meet with me so we could talk things out. After that, I texted that if he didn’t want a relationship we could try a friendship. He replied saying that I shouldn’t have to put up with the BS that came along with him. Told me I was a great girl and that I deserve better. He told me that he just couldn’t get himself there. Replied telling him that it wasn’t about the BS, but about wanting communication. I then texted him how I felt about him and told him to at least consider the friendship. However, still hurt from the whole situation I had myself probably created I texted him again and advised him to not contact me for a while so that I could mend. He replied that it was never his goal to hurt me. I texted again asking him a couple of questions. That evening I went to work out with my trainer and he asked me what was wrong. Anyway, he pointed out to me that a friendship with someone I love isn’t going to be very satisfying. I texted my guy again letting him know a friendship with him would be impossible because of how I feel and told him I would miss him. Still plagued that night with questions. I texted him back and asked him to meet me and that I was really tired of sending texts because it really is a pure means of communication because it can be so often misinterpreted. I also left him a voice mail. No more replies. Texted him one last time thanking him for trying.

I know I will never get an answer, but I need a guys take on it. Also, did the nine long text messages and voice mail probably push him away forever?

Reply August 16, 2014, 11:15 am

PunchDrunk79

Meant to put Eric Charles. Sorry for any typos. IPhone’s auto correction is the pits.

Reply August 16, 2014, 11:39 am

LeapOfFaith

You definitely went overboard with that amount of texting, especially if you weren’t getting replies. Neediness is a huge turn off, and unfortunately it is easy to accidentally portray that through texting. In the future, I suggest that you text no more than 2 times if you get no response. After that, pick up the phone. If no answer, then leave a voicemail explaining your feelings WITHOUT coming across as needy. There was a time when I was considering going exclusive with a girl I dated several times, and she texted me while I was at work about “where this relationship is going”. This was a pretty in depth question, and I wasn’t able to reply diligently with a manager breathing down my neck, so I quickly shot back “at work”. Instead, she proceeded to say “this is not that hard of a question”… followed by “what’s with the silence?” 30 min later, followed by “so i guess it means you don’t care enough to reply”… followed by “I think we can only be friends”. Needless to say, the neediness and lack of respect for one’s work period became a huge turn off and I decided to never see the girl again. Be careful.

Reply September 10, 2014, 12:32 pm

PunchDrunk79

Those weren’t my type of texts and I was in no way telling him that he should answer me right away and they were all sent after work hours. It was as if I was working out my thoughts through text and trying to understand. Either way lesson learned to not think out my thoughts through text messaging, that’s better left for journaling.

Reply September 25, 2014, 1:49 pm

Angel

Wow! I am learning SO much. After being in a 16 year relationship (which I now realize I was a “doormat”) I ventured into dating a guy. Keep in mind I never “dated” since cell phones came out. Texting and dating is all new to me. We started hanging out and agreed texting would be best since we are both quite busy. They started out fun, flirty and occasional. Turned into somewhat more frequent (mostly on my part) and looking back I cringe at some of the things I was texting. Not “neediness” per say but just random things. Occasionally would get a response but wasn’t surprised when I didn’t. He is a VERY busy guy with his job. I was told this by him and a few people. This is the busiest season of the year for him. Not wanting to be a “doormat” ANYMORE I decided to read blogs like this to understand. It has been 3.5 days since his last text (which was just a quick hello, which I’m great with). I am assuming he is busy with work. I am assuming multitasking is very difficult for men. I am assuming he still likes me. However, the old part of me wants to call him out if this goes on longer than a week. I also don’t want him to think I’ve lost interest due to my lack of texting (I have not texted him and do not intend to until he gives the green flag). He expressed his fear of starting a relationship at the busiest time of year. I have always been cool with this only because I don’t want to rush into things but I can’t help but feel anxious from this recent lack of texts. Damn you technology!!
Am I doing the right thing? Should I do any different?

Reply August 16, 2014, 11:03 am

eos

So I met this guy on social dating site. We were messaging each other on their for a couple days then he asked to text him so I did and it was constant for a few more days..then they started to dwindle until it was nothing. I messaged..”hope everythings alright. take care” and nothing. Two months later I get a random message from him. He was long out of my phone by that point. I’m like what happened to you, you never responded. He said it wasn’t good timing blah blah. I’m like alright and we texted constantly for a week then I finally met him. And more texts/calls for another week. Then we hit the “bed” so to speak. After that didn’t text me for almost a week. I’m like listen that’s “toolbag” behavior I don’t like being ignored. He apologized and we kept texting/talking for a couple more weeks. It’s very hard to see this guy. He travels a lot with work and is away with military, etc. I would say roughly every two weeks. He says I def want to see you, maybe Wednesday. Wednesday comes around and don’t hear from him. Whatever I do other things. We we made plans the one day and I messaged him that morning, saying can’t wait to see you! He acknowledged. That night nothing. I messaged him asking when he was coming over. Nothing. The next morning I texted him saying..”I don’t deserve to be treated like that or lied to. Don’t bother keeping my number.” Didn’t get a reply. Until two weeks later I got this long message asking for a second chance and blah blah. Being gullible I gave him the second chance, but I did make clear he has to earn my trust and I won’t tolerate what I don’t deserve. Since then whenever I text him he pretty much always texts back with a timely response. Him initiating has been slim, maybe every few days. When hes away on travel or military I hardly ever hear from him. But when I text him it seems like he appreciates it. I feel I was the nice one sending a nice text every few days to show I care. But I need to see he’s as vested as I am. This whole thing has probably been over the course of 3 months since he’s gotten a hold of me. Not sure what I should do at this point and if he is truly interested.

Reply August 14, 2014, 11:11 am

LeapOfFaith

As a guy, I can tell you that he is not interested. When a man is truly intrigued by a girl, they will respond, especially if after a 2nd chance. At first, I can say it might some things you have texted that conveyed neediness, but based on the way he goes back and forth like this to see you, I can almost sense that there are other females involved.

Reply September 10, 2014, 12:50 pm

Eos

Thanks so much for your input.since I wrote this last he has stood me up again. I emailed him and said I was no longer interested. I deserve strobe who really cares about me. No response from him until almost two weeks later where he says he’s free all week to do dinner some night. I didn’t respond and deleted it. Now it just seems like he’s toying with me. I have no intentions of speaking to him again. It baffles me how people can treat others this way and lie. People like that will never be truly happy.

Reply September 10, 2014, 9:42 pm

Poppy

Hi Eos

This sounds VERY familiar….can I ask what state you are in ??

Reply June 21, 2015, 1:18 am

Aries

Honestly, I think this is available for relationships where both of them are to scared to get involved. Whenever I met a guy whom I really liked and wanted to be with, and viceversa, everyhing went smoothly. We both showed freely our interest, our appreciation, and, in the end, our love. And both of us saw a begining in this way of behaving, not an end! So, girls, if you have to play hard to get, in order to keep him interested, he’s not the right guy!

Reply August 5, 2014, 3:41 am

Cindy

Plain and simple… No calling , no texting… He/she is not that into you!

Reply July 20, 2014, 12:44 am

sam

I’ve been taking to this guy for.over a month now and we only text once a day is that ok or is he not that into me and when we do text iys only for a few minutes

Reply August 25, 2014, 7:20 pm

maryyvonne

I have a similar problem. I feel needy and agree with how to properly act towards that behavior… but i am currently 37 weeks pregnant. So whereas i would normally have no problem making other plans or pushing past it, i am incredibly hormonal and im having a hard last few weeks. Im in so mucb pain its hsrd for me to really go out for long periods of time. It wss never like this before i wss pregnant, but he always knows ill pretty much be at home. So theres no mystery on my part. So practically i feel needy and predictive. I hate it, but i feel like theres not much i can do while im pregnant. 🙁

Reply July 15, 2014, 12:43 am

DNG-Nameless

Please help me. I am soo confused. I’m the girl you described who relies too much on my so called boyfriend to reply when I text him. Reason I say “so called boyfriend” is because he was my ex and we started a sexual relationship in January and nothing more. One time around either March or April, while we were in the heat of the moment he said he wanted me to be his girlfriend again. I said ok just to not ruin the moment, but I didn’t mean it because I didn’t think he meant it (we both literally just got out of relationships). But we talked about it again a few days later and I told him I’d give it a try, but don’t try to give me a title if it’s really just the sex. I said this because I knew I had real feelings for him from our previous relationship that I kept buried down to not think of our rendezvous as anything more. So he calls me his girlfriend and I call him my boyfriend to his face, but I’m still waiting to be treated like a girlfriend pretty much. We haven’t gone out once, he’s been car less and been putting he money towards fixing his, but I’ve mentioned how I have a car and I really just want to be out in public for once. And he is awful with responding to texts just like the article, and I’ve mentioned numerous time that bothers me but nothings changed. I’ve even brought up again before I became too emotionally attached that if he just wants me for the sex, be straight up and don’t lie to me about it because I was fine with just that. So now I’m in deep, and I feel I’ve made myself to easy for him. Even when I disappear for a while (hang with friends or family, hell even just catch up on some reading to show I got my own things goin on and I can’t be available every time he chooses to want me) to see if he misses me nd if I worth fighting for keeps, I go have a great hot moment with him and it’s back to me waiting to hear from him again. What do I do now? I feel like I need to move on but I’m sex whipped, which was the whole reason I went back, never had any better and I had 2 boyfriends after we first broke up 4 years ago. 2nd boyfriend I was with for 3 years soo that’s still confusing to me as well. I honestly feel like if he’d just say I don’t want u I could move on easier but he keeps telling me he loves me and crap when I see him, but when I’m not around him I’m nobody to him. What’s his deal and please I desperately need to know how to deal with this? I feel so stupid for being treated this way.

Reply July 11, 2014, 8:29 am

Noks

I recently bumped into this guy that I’ve known for a while but lost contact with.
I had honestly forgotten his name and he had forgotten mine.
So he texts me saying ” this is my number ,hope you remember my name”
and we were basically going back and forth just joking about who’s going to to give out their name first.He knows my brother so I was able to get his name from him.
Then he asked me “when am I taking you out”.
So I replied “when you get my name”
His response was “If I get your name will you let me take you out?”
and then asked if he has a time frame, so I gave him 2 days. He sounded pretty up for the task .However it’s been 9 days since and I’m not too sure what that means.
Should I text him or just wait until I bump into him again?

Reply July 10, 2014, 6:38 pm

Jessica

I met a guy on a “social network”,, After about 10 messages back and forth, he asked me to call him; which I did. (blocked of course for the initial call). We talked about an hour. We continued to message on the site for about a month. I gave him my cell number and we texted during the day. He stated that he wanted to make a commitment and that we should continue talking and texting. Then, without any type of warning, he stopped answering texts, I missed one phone call from him, and then he no longer answered his phone,, I wrote him on the “social site” and asked him if he wanted to just be pen pals, I was alright with that, he never responded. Although, I was really liking this guy, rather than call him out or invest in any type of drama, I decided to just leave him alone. If and the operative word is IF, he ever decides to text or call, this experience has taught me to just move on.. I would suggest that to any girl or guy..

Reply July 7, 2014, 4:26 pm

kr21

I’m in a similar situation. We spent the night together Saturday, I left Sunday morning and about an hour after I was home he texts me and converses with me, but then it stops. Didn’t hear from him until today around 4:30, he texts me and I responded, but he never responded to my response and I know he’s been on Facebook. He’s real chill and easy going it’s just hard for me to tell if I should text him again, wait until he texts me again, or **** idk it’s annoying lol any advice would be helpful. I think he’s into, but he’s just a..an airhead for lack of a better word idk

Reply June 23, 2014, 9:29 pm

jw37

That’s what men do if they’re not monogamous. They have a lot more women “friends” than men, have you call only during certain times. My son’s father acts likes he’s not loved by anyone (not true- there’s 2 women that love him and we both have children with him), plus he’s cheating on 2 other women he’s “in a relationship with”, but neither know it yet because they haven’t been with him long enough. It’s the same story with all of these serial cheaters. If you decide to stay with him, just remember, you choose either to be happy or to tolerate his lifestyle. The only thing worse from being with someone, say 6 months, is 6 yrs.

Reply July 6, 2014, 10:21 pm

esther

Ok. So after reading the book his not that complicated’ and a couple of your articles I discovered i had pushed away a really good guy i mean i did everything wrongly, after nagging him about not replying to my texts, getting upset about not keeping appointments, i told him to give me space and to leave me alone. Then i felt bad and called over and over again to apologize profusely after which he snapped and i stopped communicating with him.(in my defence am 24 and I’ve never dated before). Any so after following your articles i realize how silly i was now i want to start over with this guy. How can i do that without looking like a confused needy girl, after not talking to him for over 2months and given our history

Reply June 23, 2014, 4:38 am

NDO

As a relatively self aware and happy person, texting with men is one of my greatest challenges because I over-analyze, think people are playing games and because my personality is to be flexible with my time if I really want to spend it with that person. I’m very much the what you see is what you get person and at my age (29) having been in long term relationships most of my adult life, the texting to facilitate dating thing is new for me.
I recently met someone at work (very unexpectedly), we got to talking and ended up having a drink that very night. Since we work in the same office/city but for different practices our roles at work are quite different. We talk nearly every day either making plans or just checking in. In that first week, we went out three times. This past whole week he’s been much less responsive and isn’t reaching out to me. Our company hosts a huge yearly summer event and he had said we would just see each other at this event since we hadn’t seen each other all week. He asked which after-event I was at, I told him, completely forgetting he might be with his out of town friends and he said he would see me at the place I was at with my account team. We end up leaving the place a few hours later, I haven’t seen him, so I text him and tell him the new venue. He finds me, kisses me and tells me we’re on for Sunday brunch (today) as his friends are leaving on Saturday. He just texted me and told me his friend is still in town and they’re doing brunch. Most of my friends do view this sort of thing as disrespectful, but I know how seriously he takes his career and the plethora of other things he has going on (travel for work, parents in another country, grad school).
He’s not the most responsive texter to begin with but I do agree with Eric that it may just be he was singularly focused on work and hosting some out of town friends of his. That being said, since he hadn’t confirmed what we were doing today, I made other plans to see some friends and run some errands. I’m not sure if telling him I made other plans reinforces that “good behavior/non-doormat” thing Eric mentions or if I sound less interested and more casual then I may feel, which becomes self-fulfilling when he doesn’t take our budding romance as seriously. So I suppose my points are: 1) There is no “right” level of response. On a very fundamental level, if he wants to talk to you, he will text you (and my guy is a phone call type). 2) Clearly I’m all anxious and aflutter because I like him so much, but that doesn’t mean I should forget I’m an independent, successful person who is fortunate enough to be surrounded by people who love and care about me and thus want to spend time with me. I think we tend to forget how awesome we are because we’re wrapped up in how awesome we think the guy is, which drives the need for his responsiveness and attention. Changing where you hang your happiness from is a disastrous thing to do. 3) I’m human – what the heck do I text him back with and say now??

Reply June 22, 2014, 12:05 pm

Sarah

Great article but I have one of the weirdest text issues I have ever run into… I think I may have met “the” guy. Every time I am with him there isn’t a moment where he makes me feel less than content and at ease with his feelings for me and he is everything I have ever wanted in a guy. The only small catch is that since the day we met he on average take 3-4 hours to respond to a text. Each time it is a very lengthy response and he will usually ask several questions but the shortest response time has been one hour. This is not isolated to work hours (because I can understand that – even if he didn’t text me all day) but even when he says he is lying in bed watching tv it takes almost an hour for a response back. It is never a one word response and he is always sweet but I think it’s really weird. I don’t know if I am being needy but in a way I would rather he just didn’t text me and would just call when ever he wanted to say something if that makes sense. I would love a guy’s perspective on this one. Thanks!

Reply June 18, 2014, 5:02 pm

Jenny

Same thing is going on with me! Like he will take hours to respond but when he does its like paragraphs long. I figure if he’s not interested he would either one word answer or just not even respond, but the waiting game is weird. I now find myself basically playing him at his own game and responding hours later, so I guess I will see how that goes. I know my guy isn’t a big texter or the type to have his phone attached to his hip because even when we are together, he will go hours without checking his phone or if it dies he just doesnt care, his friends complain about his shitty communication too. But c’mon if I send you a text and I see you are on facebook, why do you need to wait an hour or worse 3 hours to respond. It’s sad we have to play these games.

Reply June 18, 2014, 6:08 pm

Lila

Guys…I hope you never tell these guys that you’re upset that they don’t respond RIGHT THIS MINUTE. I don’t know if you realize it or not, but it comes off as really needy and clingy. If you know it takes several hours for them to respond, don’t sit there and watch your phone. Go do something! At least they respond! And long texts, to boot! I’m not exactly sure what you’re complaining about. If you expect someone to not have a life and to constantly be at your beck and call, perhaps you should pursue someone else b/c obviously you don’t have the same communication style or expectations. You should realize that men and women are different. Men, in general, are more laid back and don’t even think about time the same way as women do. So 4 hours to you is nothing to them. They could have just been sitting their relaxing…maybe they had to take the garbage out…do some dishes…use the toilet…walk the dog. Who knows! The point is: you’re making something out of nothing and it sounds like First World Problems. Think of it this way: would you rather they responded right away and gave a short answer without much thought in it? Or took their time and texted you several paragraphs of well-thought-out material?

Reply June 29, 2014, 12:30 pm

Marie

This has to be the most helpful article I’ve ever read on the subject. I have a wonderful boyfriend. He’s attentive, warm, kind, never backs out of plans, keeps his word, makes me laugh… All the good things.

His texting habits stink. He has two kids he has primary custody of, and an ex-wife that he is good friends with. They spend time together as a family, and there is no animosity. This used to make me crazy. I’m 30 with no kids and no ex-spouse. On top of which, he is military, so there are times where I go with no contact at all. It is challenging, and I used to make myself nuts going on about it. I have several past relationships that were trust disasters, and I was largely skeptical about this.

However, the thing I realized is that if you want to be happy in your relationship, you need to trust the person you’re with and trust yourself. Most of my friends were on the, “This is a load of crap,” boat, and I hopped on the crazy train in the beginning. I still don’t see him as much as I’d like, and he doesn’t text as much as I’d like, but I made a conscious decision to trust him. I have my own life outside of him, and if he can respond to my, “I’m thinking about you,” he will. And if “I” can respond to his, “I miss you,” I will. And if not, I’ll see him on Saturday like we planned. I’ll tell him if something bothered me (because heavy texts to a man are not the way to discuss things) and he tries to fix it. I see that. So I keep my cool. And we are happy.

It’s all about what you can handle. Are there men that are not answering texts because they’re screwing around? Sure. But trust your intuition. Not your friends’. Not all hormones that are telling you he MUST RESPOND IMMEDIATELY. Have your own life. Love him. But don’t make him the center of your universe and the sole source of your joy. You have to love yourself, too. And if he’s not meeting your needs and you have discussed it with him and he’s still not meeting your needs (and think about your real needs…. Do you Really need him to text you all day every day? Really? Will that make your relationship better?), then leave. And leave because he is not meeting your needs and not making you happy.

The thing I had to realize is that when I tell him something bothers me, he tries to fix it. ALWAYS. If he tells me, “Baby, it won’t happen again,” it doesn’t. And that’s huge. And if it’s not something he can consistently do (texting consistently is one), he tells me right away. And I make my decision about whether I’m okay with it. And so far I am.

Being crazy is never a good option. You will always lose. Be happy and stay, or be happy and leave. Just make sure your expectations are reasonable.

Reply June 8, 2014, 1:02 pm

kelli

My guy will go 6hrs without answering my calls or text. To find out he is with his kids and soon to be ex wife at their house. Its still his house too even though he doesnt live there.I don’t mind the kids but why the soon to be ex?

Reply June 6, 2014, 7:39 pm

Sweetcheeks64

Been dating a man for 9 months. Very loving, attentive & every weekend we spend together. We take turns and spend one weekend at his place and the other weekend at my home. We love to cook and have long conversations. Our phones are set aside and we hardly watch any TV! It’s just us enjoying each other! We go to car shows, movies, trips and restaurants. He has met my family and my daughter but I have yet to meet his family.

The only thing is that twice a year (for a week) he travels alone to Virginia to visit friends. He said he was close to their dad and after their dad passed he continues to visit. I don’t mind but don’t like the fact that if I text him, cause I never call him, he takes hours to reply. I hardly text him cause I don’t want to bother him but would text saying hi and it would just be ignored. This time he didn’t reply at all and it’s been 24 hours. I won’t text him again either but it does bother me.

Hate the fact that I’m beginning to think negative because when he’s back home (we live in NY) he doesn’t act like that. I don’t even know if I should question him when returns or act as if I was just too busy doing my own thing that it’s no big deal! What would be the best approach here?

Reply June 1, 2014, 12:51 pm

katti

Hi hi, such a good post. I received really great advice from a guy friend recently to realise that we (the female) may NEVER know why the guy stopped all contact. And to try and “fill the box” with some sort of rational answer, well, we may never be able to fill that box, and we should not worry about that missing information. So often in life, we never know the real reason, and we can manage! This friend said to me, if the guy made you feel good – told you he cared about you…just believe it, and if you feel like texting him again, do so – simply because it makes you feel nice to do it – not because you are expecting something in return. Maybe he’s scared for a commitment, maybe he ran into an old love and things re-kindled with her, maybe he said he liked you, but then thought he cannot really pursue anything so he is suppressing those feelings by cutting off contact. If you really want to send a funny joke, photograph, quote – even just a “thought of you today” message is fine, so long as it is just from the heart, expects no response, like sending a newsletter to a subscriber who has not “unsubscribed.” Then, if after a week or so, or a day or whatever is your comfort time limit, if you decide you don’t really enjoy non-responses, then you can just choose to stop texting. It’s a pretty powerful way to take control of your side of things.

Some women here are saying if after one text there is no reply, the number is deleted and they move on. Others say they keep texting and feeling more frustrated until they send the angry messages – I would say to just send the nice ones, and stop when you feel the need to be rude or angry. That’s your signal that you’ve reached the end of your tolerance. Keep your self-respect.

With a couple guys that did this to me, I found that these guys who suddenly stop getting the nice messages, eventually do reach out again – and they reach out in a very kind way. Usually, I’ve moved on by then, but it is a nice feeling to hear from them. I think if you send the mean one – clearly you will never hear from them again, as who would want to contact the crazy bitch who dissed him on a text?

Reply May 17, 2014, 11:55 am

Eric Charles

Great comment. 🙂

Reply May 17, 2014, 7:27 pm

Ann

This couldn’t have been more well said.

Reply June 8, 2014, 12:34 pm

Sarang

If you really want to send a funny joke, photograph, quote – even just a “thought of you today” message is fine, so long as it is just from the heart, expects no response, like sending a newsletter to a subscriber who has not “unsubscribed.”
— Good comment. The key is to “expects no response”. Without expectation, your disappointment will be greatly reduced. Though you will still feel disappointed at times, i think it is much more manageable. I speak from experience. 🙂

Reply September 13, 2014, 3:05 am

JCA

There’s a guy at work who I habe noticed for awhile. We would cross paths here and there and we would say, “Hi” to each other. One day, I had a work related question that I had to ask him. I had taken this opportunity to strike up a conversation. I sensed some flirting during our conversations. One day as we were talking he called me bluff on something and gave me his number (to see if I was all talk or action). A month or so later, I decided to text to see when he would be free for drinks (mind you, he had asked me out for drinks a few times and I had to take a raincheck). Fast forwarding, we had a few text conversations and even hung out. After awhile I noticed he would play disappearing acts such as texting me back 2 days, a week later or not even text back. Something just didn’t add up. I know he has feelings for me more than a friend, but then why the hesitation? He mentioned that he didn’t want anything to get back to work (due to his past history mixing business with pleasure) that is why he is so guarded. I had asked me if he wanted me to back off because of his fear of something getting back to work, but he told me, “no”. I’m not understanding all his mixed signals. He tells me that I need to step up my game, but yet, he isn’t giving me anything to work off of. I have stopped texting him (he hasn’t texted me either) because I’m not into these mind games. But I hate to say, he has really gotten in my head.

Reply May 4, 2014, 2:45 pm

JCA

*habe = HAVE*

Reply May 4, 2014, 2:49 pm

JCA

Update: I now know why the “guy” either doesn’t text me or takes a few days/weeks to text me. Come to find out, he is engaged. When I confronted him about it (3 weeks ago), his response was, “It’s complicated, but in short, yes but on the edge of being called off”. Funny how he is engaged, but gave me his number and continues to flirt with me. Sorry, but I don’t have time for these games, but most importantly, I am not a homewrecker.

Reply June 2, 2014, 1:25 am

Cory

Great advice! However does this still apply if you are in a committed relationship? I know my guy is into me , he passes your quiz and it’s obvious, but he still doesn’t respond to my calls or texts . I’ll text him 5 times for every 1 that he replies to. Usually it’s me saying something about my day and asking about his. When he doesn’t respond I’ll text him hours or a day later with a new comment or question.

It’s probably along the lines of your comment that guys have a one-track mind. My boyfriend tells me that he didn’t respond because he was working or busy etc. he isn’t lying, but if it were me the first thing I’d do at lunch break is respond to his text. Or when I got home id respond. Even if the text just says “how was your day?”

So do I just need I accept that I’m never going to get a response to all my texts or is it a legitimate request that he should try harder?

Or should I take your advice and stop being so needy? It’s not as if I can make other plans , these texts are not about making plans they are just communicating within our relationship. He knows my plans are with him that night or the next so what point is there in acting like I’m less available than I am?

Reply April 19, 2014, 7:11 pm

Laura

Help need advice. Been dating a guy since the end of 2013, we would see each other every week. He even took me on holiday. When we got back everything continued and we even started spending more time together. However recently he has been flakey and distant. I understand owning your own business is stressful and time can be limited but what has changed he was busy before but made plenty of time for me…..but now he has no time at all it seems.

My question is should I cut my losses and just leave him alone to build his empire?

Reply April 12, 2014, 4:35 am

PP

I know a guy a year ago online. He’s very smart, successful, fun & generous so always surround by friends/ colleagues. He treated me so nice, brought me find dining places, can always stay at his place, intro me his friends but he disappeared, no reply to my texts. So I told myself I like him much as fwb but he never wants relationship so just keep the nice memories & forget him.
New Year I met his flat mate & his flat mate said he’s not in town & he also can’t contact him.
This year March, he contacted me. He said he was not in SG, his job was so sh*tty, he been stressed & lost 15kg, he left his job & he got better one, back to SG, all good now & hope I don’t angry that he disappeared.
Then we started hang out back as usual, he treated me very nice again. He booked & paid Cambodia trip for me though I said I will pay. My birthday he accompanied me too but blame to myself I happen to ask him what’s my bday gift, he replied holiday not enough? I felt so bad for asking, kinda demand to him. After that he avoided me. Once he replied my hi I told him that I actually wanna apologize him in person for what I asked during my bday. I didn’t mean it, just came out a word, I’m sorry. I’m just human with flaws. Despite I deliver breakie to him, helping his flat mate for new job opportunity, all my tests, my last phone call, he totally ignored me. Though he booked & paid my flight, he didn’t contact me anymore so no holiday, no him, just absolute ignorance.
What I intentionally say a word have that much impact for a Gemini Guy?
Kindly advise from man’s opinion please. Many thanks.

Reply April 9, 2014, 2:22 am

DaZhane

PP, I think he feels SUPER unappreciated…..He gave you a vacation… a PRETTY awesome one and you didn’t even give him a proper “Thank You”…TOTALLY unappreciative…He probably feels totally taken for granted…I would be (I’m NOT a man but I don’t think a lot of men give vacations as birthday gifts). Imagine how you would feel if you did ALL that he did for you and he gave you the response you did…You may have pushed him away forever..some men, this is a permanent deal-breaker. Sorry!!!! Only time will tell..only time will tell. 🙂

Reply April 10, 2014, 1:37 pm

Serena

Hello all
I wonder if I could get some help. I’m rather clueless when it comes to guys, I met my current bf 6 months ago whilst i was in India, he did the usual thing of chasing and wooing me with constant phone calls and messages even after I told him it was unlikely to work out as I was 4 yrs older and was splitting my time 50/50 between India and England. Regardless we met almost everyday there after for the remainder of the time that I was there which was about 2 months . Quite soon he expressed how much he felt and disclosed personal info about himself and certain traumas he had been through, he even cried in my arms at one point. I then returned to England for 2 months over Christmas, I noticed that his messaging became not as frequent and it was me making more effort and we skyped only once a week, I missed him a lot and he occasionally said he missed me but that I would be back soon.
When I returned to India he was still not messaging or calling as much as in the beginning but continued to meet me nearly every day after work other than a week when he was unwell, in the last few days he expressed how he felt happier and content in life knowing that I was in it as he felt I actually cared about him and wasn’t using him for money and contacts like his friends. He also opened up and expressed how certain comments I had made had made me feel or hurt him. If I have a problem he is the first to sort it out, and organised my transport to the airport, (but did not come with me because of work) I am now back in England after spending 6 weeks there and have been back a few days. There has been no initiation of contact from him, I called to say I had arrived and then messages the following day to ask him if he was well, he replied ok, and when I asked how work was, that it seemed busy, he did not respond. I decided to do a disappearing act for a little while so haven’t called or messages for 2 days so far and have heard nothing. I know he’s had his heartbroken before and has said in the past that he doesn’t want to get hurt, he is quite sensitive and doesn’t generally talk if he’s upset,so I’m not sure if I’m doing the right thing, I don’t want to hurt him, but really want him to miss me and fight to keep me in his life…….. ( he has also said his parents won’t accept our marrying as I’m so much older (indian parents) so this is another source of my insecurity, however he has said that he wants me in his life forever and is hoping to come in June …..please help.,,, really don’t know what to do…..

Reply April 3, 2014, 11:52 am

Emma

Hi

Never done anything like this before but bascially i’ve been seeing this guy from around 2months now- we met through my sister as he added me on facebook and we started talking then it went from there.

we spend alot of time together when we can and we have met each other familes- ive also met his son however I still just dont know whether he likes me.

we do talk quite a bit but only if i text him first as understandable i know hes not a texter and he will ring me if he hasnt heard from me but that isnt all the time..

He has his son most weekends which is great as it really makes him happy and sometimes I will be part of it depending on my work patterns or whether he wants me to be there but Im worried that maybe im just there to keep him entertained until the weekends.

I suffer with high anxiety and paranoia so I’m not sure if its just me being needy and insecure!

he tells me that i’m going to ruin things if i keep asking like this as it isnt fun me giving him grief all the time.

I really dont know what to do

Reply April 1, 2014, 6:49 pm

Claud

I think you need to relax. Dont pay attention too much to the whole thing. Don’t go out with him everytime he asks. I think that way you feel like you are in control of your days. You can’t compete against someones child or affection. You have to know what you are getting yourself into and understand that you will be #2 in their lives. If you are not ok with this then stop dating him. Paranoia many times comes from lack of confidence. You have to be confident of what you have to give someone else and understand it is their choice to either appreciate it or not and your choice to know when it is enough.

Good luck!

Reply April 2, 2014, 10:38 am

Jennifer

Life is a journey. When I was little girl I had this unusual perspective on life. I always thought how awesome it would be if we all could find a way to love one another. Down deep to core of my soul is a solid unbreakable mass of love. A life giving force that feeds me and others. Weird, I know. But you what? It sustains me. Most every man in my life, either friend or lover knows what my hearts consists of. I don’t even have to talk much and yet they feel it. As a result they feel safe with me. I cherish that because it lights up my life. The men who do disappear on me are normally forgiven, why not! Sometimes I disappear too. My soul will always be free. I find it ironic, because I am free, I expects others to be free too, and then they end up freely bonding their souls with me. 🙂 I love that because we are now at a freewill to choose our paths, and if they would like to walk with me on my journey how awesome would that be. Maybe for a short time or maybe for a little bit longer. We’re all at different times in our lives but the most interesting ones are they who choose to walk with me for life. You know who you are 🙂 We’ll conquer this thing called life together! hehe Yet as for now I am 28 and single. For sometime I accidently got caught up in that vortex of darkness that seems to be infusing chaos in so many hearts and minds. So glad I got ahold of my self and remembered who I really am deep in my soul. As I get older and I’m starting to love myself again, i’m staying away from the things I cannot control. Thus, I’m realizing how simple life really is all over again. And now I can’t wait for the next guy to cross my path, perhaps he’s on an awesome journey himself. If he wants to be friends, okay and if not that’s okay too. No worries 🙂 And now I need to go to bed. Take Care everyone.

Reply March 6, 2014, 2:54 am

Jai Dee

You have your head and your heart on straight. Enjoy.

Reply May 10, 2014, 10:43 am

Laura

Excellent. Love this.

Reply June 5, 2014, 3:35 pm

Crazygirl

Just loved what you wrote…sets things right for many people:) Thanks!!

Reply August 13, 2014, 8:34 am

Jennifer

so my crush that likes me hasn’t called me yet after saying he would call me after he leaves the gym why wouldn’t he remember to call me the last he txted that was on the 27 now its march 2nd and no txt still.u know in the beginning we started txt was jan 16 we started off well he wanted to get to know me and we flirting and all I didint show any signs of neediness for him to chase him away. so iam just wondering why he has not contact me yet??

Reply March 2, 2014, 9:43 am

Jennifer Lavigat

ok so this guy has a lot goin for him self he likes me I like him so I txt him yesturday night and I was wondering why didint he answer back to my question was it because
he was still busy working on writing up his paper for school or just didint want to write back and why was it something I said ??

Here the convo :
ME: hi how are u hope ur not workin ya self to hard lol but I did want to ask u a question u can call or txt .nite later

Him:Hola señorita I’m doing a paper right now we can text wassup?

ME: Just wondered what made u see that made u say that I seem like a nice girl ( personally in your opinion) I meant to ask this when we first started texting ?

Reply February 26, 2014, 3:42 pm

trish

Hi,

My bf and I have been having issues, but we had a fight and I left. I tried to talk with him after, but he isn’t interested in conversation and it’s been 5 days and he hasn’t tried to contact me.
Over?

Reply February 21, 2014, 6:22 pm

Jasmine

I am involved in a similar situation, and needless to say, I am quite baffled. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
So, I met this guy online and we talked everyday via text for about 5 days straight, before he asked me out. I thought it would be more casual to go out for drinks at a very lovely bar located inside an exquisite upscale hotel. Let me just say that our evening went VERY well. He opened up about his life and hurdles that he has been through, I did the same but was very careful of not sharing too much information. We literally held hands the entire time that we talked. It was like we had know each other for years. We were having so much fun that we decided to leave the lounge, and go to a hookah bar and just relax and smoke. We held hands while he walked together, and even held hands while he drove. Our chemistry was amazing! When our night finally ended, we kissed goodbye, and he dropped me off at my doorstep. I had only been in the house for 5 minutes before he texted me saying that he felt an extreme attraction to my beyond the physical, and that I was a rare jewel to find. He said that a person is only as beautiful as their mind, and that he had some many things to express to me when the time was right. He also stated that we must see each other again soon.
Now, for the cliffhanger…The next day he had some problems at work (he manages a car dealership), so I barely heard from him, but were still communicating. The next day, NOTHING all day long, until around 7pm, which I ignored because I was reading a book that I was heavily invested in. He stated that he had been sleeping all day (he was out all night entertaining some guys from an event that he sponsored the previous night). He then sent me another text about a half hour later asking how my day was. I responded to him, and received no reply. I sent him a text before I went to bed saying that I would love to get to know him, but felt as though he was putting some distance between us. Then next day he responded to that message around 12pm, saying that he wasn’t trying to, and that had been dealing with a lot of things the past few days. I waited 2 hours before I responded, simply because I had class, and I simply stated that I understood and hoped that he was able to get everything sorted out. NOTHING. No response, the whole day. At this point, I am simply confused. Apparently, we had such a great connection, great chemistry, and he is thinks I am a rare jewel, and wants to see me soon, then just completely vanishes. Help!?

Reply February 13, 2014, 12:10 pm

Yulanda

Hi just finish reading your story, and I had something similiar happen to me. The only thing I can say is let it be. Well first I notice the article was published on 2/13 and it now june. But anywho, and this could go for future issues….just let it be. Continue with your life, now if you can’t keep him off your mind, then CALL HIM and leave a voicemail message (sure fire way of him seeing that you called) and just state you was calling to see what was up and how is everything and to call you when he gets a chance. Therefore the ball is in his court. Well I hope that help or will help.

Reply June 20, 2014, 9:12 pm

Valentina

I met a guy online and we decided to go for some drinks. We had such a great time and i felt that we really hit it off. At the end of the night he tried to kiss me, but i gave him a kiss on the cheek instead ( I am not used to kiss on first or second date). We went out on saturday , he did not call me or text me in 4 days. I didnt know what to do because i really liked him and its frustrating because it has been two years since i liked someone like that. After the 4th day i decided to text him since i had nothing to lose. He asked me out , and we went for a second date. We still had a good time, but i didnt text him saying i had a great time as i had done after the second date. The only time he texted me was two days after asking me about my business trip without greeting me at all. I respoded the same way and he hasnt text me or called me since then. I dont want to play any games and i showed him i was interested, but i dont want to be the one persuing him, calling or texting him. what should i do? it has been a week and nothing. I was the one who reached out to him before , but i will not make myself available to him or chase him. He had previously told me that he sucks at texting and the even his close friends give him a hard time and complain about it. so do you think he might call or text, i really like him and he showed me he was interested, but i guess he wasnt after all.

Reply January 24, 2014, 12:06 pm

lucy

It’s been just a week so I think you should give him a benefit of a doubt. As eric mentioned in the article. When guys are busy they tend to focus on their work rather than dealing with something that they can deal with later. Just make your own plans live your life and don’t wait around for someone. You said you had a great time on both dates so be confident and focus on something else and if he feels the same way he’ll eventually text or call you. 🙂

Reply January 31, 2014, 12:14 pm

Madison

It’s more of a question than a comment. Since last year I noticed this really good looking guy at the gym and I began to just casually make eye contact with him. I guess he noticed me too because he started to make eye contact with me too. We never met, spoke, introduced ourselves or anything but the strangest thing is we start to glance at one another everyday and smile, mouth “hello” and still never speak. I was wondering why he would never come up to speak to me, then one day I noticed he had a wedding ring, then I saw him with his wife and kid. I was more surprised than hurt. So I began to leave him alone and look at him or mouth hello, but it started up again. Finally up to a few weeks ago I went into a store and he came in right after me, we finally spoke to one another and introduced ourselves and basically told each other about our jobs but nothing about marriage or anything. Now we speak with politeness when we find ourselves in the gym in close proximity and we still check each other out at the gym. Tell me is this strange for a married man to speak with a n available woman who is a complete stranger when he is married, or is just being friendly? He doesn’t do this with another women that I’ve seen. Is he into me or thinks I’m attractive? I notice him always looking at me even when I don’t initially look at him. I just want to know what to make of it. I’m not going to pursue him or anything, I just feel bad for his wife. I wouldn’t want my husband to be speaking or looking at a complete stranger on a daily basis for over a year. Any guy out there who can decipher this man’s thoughts or motivation?

Reply January 15, 2014, 11:28 am

Scarlett

Last week I was stuck in the airport for 5hrs and I started talking to this guy who was waiting for th same flight as me. He seemed very interested and shared his number and asked me out for dinner. Initially I was hesitant but as he seemed nice I gave him my number and agreed to go out. Next morning he texted me and we spoke for a bit. He didnt really ask me when I would like to go out for dinner but he gave me hints like he can drive me around and stuff while talking. Later he did not text me. It’s been a week now. I texted him 2 days later and he replied. He was polite and nice but he never initiated a conversation after the first time. Is it alright to text him again and ask? Please advise. Thank you !

Reply November 30, 2013, 10:35 pm

Brittany

I’ve known this guy for a few months now, but as friends. I’ve always liked him, but I could never tell if he liked me. One day, about 2 months ago, we were hanging out and we kinda slept together. . . .I didn’t think that was going to happen, but I don’t regret it. I told him the next day that I really liked him and I wanted to know if he liked me. He completely avoided my question, so I dropped it for the time being. So yesterday I tried to ask him out on a date. And he didn’t respond! I asked him while he was at work, so I was patient, but he never answered. . . .I’m not really sure what to do from this point. Any advice, please?

Reply November 15, 2013, 8:57 am

Sue

So. After having a crush on a guy at work for over a year, finally gave in to flirty email exchanges and went on a date. Had amazing night. I live a few hours away so don’t work in same office. For next couple of weeks we text all day every day. Made plans to meet up. Slept together and went out for food and drinks. Had great time, again. Now he’s stopped texting me and is virtually ignoring me. He does have a lot going on in his life (caring for sick ex partner) but I can’t help wonder what I did wrong? Was it because I was too honest about my feelings and how how much I like him? I still need to see him in work, so need to keep cool. I feel a bit foolish… Any advice?

Reply November 1, 2013, 4:48 pm

Kaye

You know what? I’ll take the blame. I need to be in tune with my own needs and desires and recognize the guy for what he is for what he is in the first place: a loss. Know the term, “WYSIWYG”? It stands for “what you see is what you get.” I hear all this mumbo-jumbo about men liking a challenge, having your own life, blah, blah, blah… Plain and simple, if he doesn’t have time to answer a simple text or phone call, he’s too immature and selfish for your time…move on. Men today play too many games. You set up the challenge and the chase, live your life, and as soon as he catches you and reels you in, it’s back to the same old games. Ladies, know what you want and what you won’t put up with. Look for a real man instead of wasting your time on a boy. A real man won’t stumble over his words and won’t have a problem communicating with you, whether it’s by text, phone, or horse and buggy.

Reply October 29, 2013, 5:21 pm

Lydia

Hi, here’s my situation. I met a guy online, at first it was him asking me out all the time but I was dating some other guy so I told him I couldn’t hang out with him. But then we became friends on FB, and we talked almost everyday, but it was usually me initiated the conversation with him, and he usually replied me very quickly. Then I broke up with the other guy so we finally hang out. I know I may make a mistake that we had sex on the first day we met. But then he told me he had a good time with me.

The second time we met was very short. I was at a mall near his place and he needed to go to the airport so he dropped by the mall just to say hi to me.

We still kept talking almost everyday. Then last weekend I asked him if he would like to meet on Sunday or Wed. He said Wed sounds good and he needed to go out on Sunday before noon but asked me if I can come over before noon. I told him it’s too early for me so let’s do Wed.

Then we didn’t talk since Sunday. I sent him message on FB on Tuesday night asking him if we were going to meet the next day. Then he didn’t reply and the FB message didn’t show he had read it. So I text him on Wed and said “Guess you forget something”. He didn’t reply, so I text him on Wed night again asking if everything is OK. And he totally disappears!

Until now I haven’t heard anything from him. He’s really the guy I like a lot. From the first day I met him, I knew I would like this guy. Now I just leave him there. But I would love to know if there’s any way I can contact him again or should I just let him contact me? I’d really love to try to get this guy, because I know he has everything I really like a lot. Thanks 🙂

Reply October 18, 2013, 12:41 pm

Erica

Dont degrade yourself and set a prescadent of how he can treat you by texting him again. If you made plans and he ditched out without an explanation…on to the next!

Reply October 21, 2013, 8:01 pm

Jen

He’s not into you.

Reply November 14, 2013, 2:49 am

Samantha

Okay so there’s this guy that I liked for a long time and I found out he likes me back but he never texts back only in like a few hours but when he texts me at night he keeps texting and won’t let me go he also he told my friend that he is to shy to ask me out so I’ve been waiting for 2 weeks and still nothing why is he taking so long if he knows I like him back ?

Reply September 24, 2013, 7:45 pm

annie

help me~(SHOULD I TEXT HIM?) i met him at work and we became close enough! many thought that we were couples. i knew that he is intrested in me and lately im having a crush on him. we chat through facebook whole day but last week i got fired and he told me he would leave the work too cause i amnt gonna b there. he WROTE FEW MSGS TO ME BUT LATER on he didnt he liked my facebook post but no msg! what to do now?

Reply September 24, 2013, 11:43 am

Jivvy

This is going to make me sound crazy, but I started seeing this guy that was really into me. He would tell me how beautiful he thought I was and how he was worried I would leave him for someone else because of it and he spent every single day with me for 2 weeks and then out of nowhere, he dumped me. He is going through a divorce and moved cross country to live near family, so he doesn’t have a job right now and he’s living with his sister. He said he wants to get his life on track right now. None of that mattered to me because I knew it was just temporary and that he’d get it worked out. I know it was a short amount of time to be with someone and have that strong of an attachement to them, but I just haven’t felt this way in a long time. Was I a rebound? I’m trying to keep my options open and give him his space, but it’s hard because he still talks to me. I’m trying to play it cool and wait awhile before I text him back so I don’t seem like I’m just waiting to hear from him, and I haven’t hung out with him since the breakup (not that he’s asked me to). He wants to be friends, but I really don’t want to get stuck in the friend zone. Please help!

Reply September 7, 2013, 2:00 pm

Nina

K so i met this guy the day after and he was tryna sex we were wasted
And i was saying no
Well we tried but he had soo much beer it wasnt happening lol well he asked me to stay with him lol so i did another night with him and his friends and well he really seems to like me like he thought i was gonna leave and went over and made sure i had his number
But i stayed and well we texted alil last night while he was drunk again a bit and he can handle alotta beer lol
But it says hea been on and off facebook -.- he hasnt replied to me
What do i do 🙁 it really seemed he liked me

Reply September 3, 2013, 1:29 am

Tafkas

Hey Nina,

I think you should just forget this guy (well, I hope you have by now, at least. It’s December). It kind of sounds like he was looking for a good time with you, but not much else. If he wasn’t, why else would he be so (physically) into you when he’s drunk, but hard to find otherwise? You deserve much better than that. Remember, you’re way too cool to waste your time with dudes like that one!~

Reply December 1, 2013, 8:05 pm

Sabrina

I’ve been dating my boyfriend Richard for a few months now, but when I stayed over at his we didn’t do anything sexually, I don’t know if he minded or not, the next morning we walked his dog Bailey we walked hand in hand smiling, he then dropped me off home & gave me a kiss & a hug, then I didn’t hear from him for ages until the 01.07.13 asking if I wanted to meet him again I said yes, we arranged to go bowling on the 13.07.13 – He didn’t show up, I cried, I have texted him from my phone & my parents phone & I’ve emailed him, I’ve chatted to his friend, but I haven’t heard anything, what does this mean? He hasn’t told me we’re on a break, he hasn’t broken up with me, he’s said nothing at all & I’ve recently found out the Iphone 5 is out which is the phone he was getting & I haven’t heard anything I really need help because I’m getting really ill over all this worry & stress, I need to know if I’m seeing him again as I need to see him again because I miss him very much.

Reply August 15, 2013, 4:29 pm

jenna

I met a guy on a night out and we really headed of! He text me the next morning ect. We where texting when both on holiday and I felt as though I really got to know him! He was saying that when he passed his driving test he would take me out in his car. we rung each other often and for a month everything was going well. We started to arrange to meet up but that’s when it started and I don’t know if it was because he worked a lot but he kept cancelling to come and meet me. We, however, lived 45mins away. so eventually I said I would go to his which I did! We got on so well, met his family and some of his friend, we were still friends at this point. Then I went on holiday for 4 days and then he stopped texting me! I am so confused why! We got on so well, I really would like to see him again but all I want is an explanation to why he’s stopped getting in contact with me! I don’t want to text or ring him again as this would seem really desperate I just want to know why!?

Reply August 6, 2013, 8:28 am

nozie

I’ve been dating this guy over 3 months but mostly on social networks due to distance than i messed things up by telling him how much i loved him and how he had changed my life etc, after that emailed i sent he ran for his life never called or emailed me back, i kept calling and pushing and at some stage i stopped because there was no change, i never stopped loving him but i wasn’t going to spend the rest of my life waiting for him, so i moved on and got a great guy but problem is im inlove with that other one (the one that got away) recently we have been chating and i dont know what to make of it, i really love this guy and i would love to fix my mistakes i deserve a second chance with him. how do i get him back and him chasing me again?

Reply July 23, 2013, 4:11 am

Yamileian

I saw a You tube video that you have to keep yourself away.. back it off.. don’t call him…Once you stop begging, he will start communicating with you..If he won’t..Nothing to loose..nothing to be regretted in the future, and you will find someone who really appreciate you!!!!

Reply July 24, 2013, 12:26 am

Nadiya

I know its about the guys’ behavior but why its sooooo me?
I really dont like 10 minutes or 3 hours of phone routines with any of my exs! or any dates!

Reply July 18, 2013, 1:29 am

Yamileian

Hes making excuses..thats all.He Just want sex!

Reply July 15, 2013, 9:11 pm

serena

with a guy for a year, with him every day and nght except when we went to work……was practically living together, was gonna get married
he is very insecure and has been hurt very badly in past and has been accusing me of cheating all the time……he goes thru my fone and fb, i dont care nothing to hide……..the accusations got worst over the course of the relationship…..one day all of a sudden he was just like i dont want to be with you anymore i dont trust you ur a liar and cheater…..i was like wtf……he doesnt call or text, been about a month and a half
2 weeks ago we had sex, then two days later he came to my job saying i love u, i miss u, want you to be gf again, but i told him somethng had to change, i couldnt do that anymore……he said if he leave thats it….i said ok and i walk away…..i figured he wouldve texted or called by now, but nothing
i want to give him space

Reply July 8, 2013, 7:38 pm

Ian

If you wanted to get back together why did you tell him to take a walk? I’m not saying it was a bad choice but just on face value if you tell him you are ok with him leaving for good what right or reason do you have to expect him to come back? In general a person wouldn’t want to date someone like that, but sometimes it can halfway work. If you are not a liar or cheater than you may be ok with him; but you have to give up any of that independent bs that some women want. If you are in a relationship with him then that is who you are with and you need to act like it. Baby steps might be possible, but this isn’t someone that will be ok with you going whereever, whenever, or with whoever you want. You also can’t withhold things. The good thing being that I believe that usually you can expect the same loyalty from them. Or at least close. They can get better over time but they’re volitile when it comes to certain things and obviously have trouble trusting. Like I said, sometimes people can get along sometimes they can’t; if it can work for you guys then great. If you are interested you should get ahold of him and don’t give him space for two long. Of coarse the time may give him a chance to look for somebody better, so either way. Good luck.

Reply July 9, 2013, 5:50 pm

Mallory

You have to treat each situation on a case by case basis because sometimes women do tend to over react when a guy they are interested does not respond immediately after a text. For example, if you text a man and he doesn’t respond until maybe 2 or 3 hours later, it may simply be that he’s busy. Ladies have to remember guys aren’t big on communication as much as we are. And from my experience, many guys aren’t big texters like us, women tend to be. However if a guy is taking an entire day to return a text, lose him! We aren’t living in the stone ages of technology anymore, every has a cell phone on them at virtually all times. I can make allowances for a guy not texting me back right away if its doing working hours because I know he’s a working man. But if you can’t bother to text me back and its now after working hours, 7pm and on and you wait until the morning or later to respond to a text I sent you the other day! No. Ditch the guy. I had to do this exact thing to a guy. I met him through a friend at a small get together, there was drinking involved and so we did end up making out that night. Was that a mistake on my part ? Yes, because I was actually attracted to the guy. But I’m not much of a drinker so when I do drink, I tend to be a light weight. I’m never falling over, vomiting drunk and I guess that’s because I really can’t stand the taste of alcohol to ever get to that point, but just a few shots will do me in. Anyway we ended up making out and before I knew it we were going into a private room to err get more serious. Luckily, I wasn’t too far gone and stopped things from escalating. Long story short, he asked for my number and I gave it to him. But to be honest, I didn’t expect a phone call from him, I just assumed he was trying to “act” like a gentleman instead of acting like a douche and ignore me after realizing he wasn’t going to get sex like he had hoped. Well he did end up texting me, and at first he would text me every day or few days but he would take hours or the entire day to respond to my text. I wasn’t too phased by it because I’m pretty good at not investing any type of emotional investment in someone I haven’t yet determined to invest the same in me (ladies it saves you a lot of heartache and confusion if you do this). Plus I was in school looking to finish my degree, I was in the process of finishing a dissertation and he owned his own business so I knew he was pretty busy. But just him taking an entire day to respond (meaning he’d respond in the morning) really turned me off, physically I was still attracted to him, but I had a huge inclination he wasn’t worth my time because I didn’t want just something physical and he wasn’t showing signs he wasn’t interested in me for anything more than being physical. When he did text me he always had the end goal of getting me to agree to going out to a lounge. To me that’s a red flag that a guy wants only one thing. You wouldn’t take a lady you are genuinely interested on a “first date” to a place where there’s music and you can hardly hear your date and have a conversation with, and a place where there’s only drinking going on!? And given the way we first met, I had a feeling he wasn’t hoping he could recreate that scenario because now he knew I was a lightweight. Well I continued to text him, but only would text him if he texted me. If he went weeks without texting me, that was fine by me, I continued on with my life. I would go weeks without caring or looking for a text. But he would eventually always come back and text me, but it would always end the same way; with me rejecting an offer to go out to a bar, lounge, or club with him. Bottom line, in my book if a guy is interested in you he’ll show it. With my ex-fiance he made it clear when we first started dating (our relationship lasted 3 years) he told me upfront he was interested in a relationship. A guy only makes that type of statement when he’s genuinely willing to make an investment, now of course some men are sleazy enough to use that as only a line but if the guys actions match his words than its true. And in the case of my ex fiance, his actions met his words and sure enough I found out he was really interested in getting to know me not just my body. This guy that I had been texting on and off for a few months, wasn’t interested in me; in fact I think he just wanted to see if he could recreate that night because we did almost end up having sex. Of course, I feel sad that something like that almost happened and ruined what could of potentially been something because I was interested in him. But because I had been drinking, my perceptions of things were off and my guard down and that–sex almost happened–thankfully I stopped it because he is obviously not the guy I want to have had sex with. But my point is, if he were genuinely interested in me (which he would say) he would of made an effort to show it, not go weeks on end not contacting me and then only offering to take me to places that douche bags take their potential bootycalls for first dates. If a guy doesn’t text you right away to the degree in which I’m talking, then he’s NOT genuinely interested in you. Guys sometimes will continue to talk to you, even if you haven’t given into sleeping with them because they have hopes of eventually finding you in a moment of weakness. Guys, in my opinion and of course not all, but will have various women lined up or at least like to have a woman here or there that they can call whenever they just want to have sex. You can be that girl that either lives on their street or be the girl that lives 2 hours away that they met one random night. But the point is, if they can possibly have sex with you they’ll try. A guy who is potentially interested in you for you and interested in possibly more than just sex will show more effort.

Reply July 5, 2013, 12:03 am

Lila

Sorry, but I completely disagree. Bad advice. Taking a day to respond should not a deal breaker. Maybe he’s busy? Has things to do? Forgot he read your text and then remembered? Things happen. He has a life and you shouldn’t expect to be the center of it. Let’s be realistic here. Otherwise it comes off as clingy and needy.

Reply June 29, 2014, 12:50 pm

Grace Frendo

Hi, never actually asked for any advice on this subject before, but its something thats been going on for several years now, and it would be nice to hear some sound input so I can finally leave it all behind me.

After my first boyfriend broke up with me in January of 2010, I started using a dating website, and of course, being female got inundated with messages. One guy stood so far out from all the rest though. I can’t explain what it was (is) about him that I find so damn alluring, but its been three years now, and I keep going back to thinking about him.

He started talking to me, and right from the start it got quite intense, he complimented me, told me about his life etc. We kept pretty regular contact for about two months, talking every two days or so. He wanted to meet me, but as we lived about a hundred miles apart it was a little difficult. But he didn’t seem daunted by that. He kept saying I should visit, he wanted me to visit. But when I asked for a concrete date, he was busy on the ones I suggested. And then eventually the dialogue tapered off.

I got involved with someone else, had a serious relationship for about two years, then when that ended I got back on the dating website, and contacted him. He was happy to hear from me, said that he’d missed me. And it got intense again, he said I should visit etc. And again when I asked for a concrete date he was busy. Again, communications tapered out.

Fast forward to the beginning of June this year, I contacted him, and it happened again. Intensity, he really wanted me to visit, his words “We need to make this happen”. And now, nothing for ten days. He hasn’t been online, he hasn’t replied to my messages.

Some background on him, he had been in a serious relationship, engaged and all that, and then dumped by his fiance before our first communication. At present he works two jobs at unsociable hours, he had a serious health condition involving his lungs early last year, and he has a sleep problem (liable to fall asleep at the drop of a hat).

He says I do something to him, I make him tingle etc, but when he disappears like this I start thinking that he’s fed me a line.

I’ve never asked for a relationship, and I’ve always tried to not act crazy (though he makes me feel crazy), all I’ve ever wanted is just to know him better, meet up one weekend casually.

I’m just not sure what to think about him anymore.

Reply June 30, 2013, 7:20 pm

Bob Turner

I’m in the same situation with a woman I’ve known for about six years (similar again). The only difference being her and I have met and were intimate years ago.

She drives me crazy. And we always contact each other. However, there’s always something that gets in the way of us spending time with each other again, to the point where I have to conclude that, even if there’re good and plausible reasons, she’s playing games.

Like you, the same thing happens: the conversation is intense, then we both agree to meet. I set dates where I’m free, and she says she can’t, because she’s busy on those days. This has happened at least four times over the last five/four years.

I’ve never been crazy with her (well, not crazier than she’s been with me in the past), and like you, all I’ve really wanted is to know more, and more about this seemingly wonderful, smart, interesting person. She was engaged, too, just like your guy.

I’m sure if I still make her tingle, but she still gives me butterflies after all these years.

But unlike you, I do believe she’s playing games with me. There’s no way a person could be THAT busy if they’re interested in meeting someone they care about. I know this, because she was obsessed with me and wanted to meet all the time before. Other women’ve been like this, too; if they want it, they’ll make it happen.

Think of all the things you’d cancel just to see him. Exactly.

He’s either nervous about meeting you, doesn’t want you to see him in his current state (could be unfit/not well), or flat-out doesn’t want to progress things to that level.

Reply August 11, 2013, 10:41 am

sinai

I’m really confuse. I went to prom with this guy I have a crush on. We had an amazing night, he bought my ticket,payed for the ride for both of us,and matched the color I wore. Anyways, when we where at the place where prom was being held, we first took pictures in a photo booth, then we went inside the ballroom. Dinner was serve,etc. So then he decided to go to the washroom so I waited for him to get back, but in the meanwhile one of my guy friends took me out on the dance floor,my prom date came back and he just looked shock but then I went up to him and started dancing with him. We were dancing really close.. So then once again he decided to go use the washroom, then one of HIS friends asked me to dance with him,which I did.. He pass by shock as well but right after the song ended I went to go sit him with (his friend wanted to continue dancing). So whatever, the rest of the night he was the only guy I was dancing with. We danced the slow songs which I didn’t want to,but he convinced me to. After prom ended, he was inviting to go the after party with him (he had mention it to me before) but I said I couldn’t because of my curfew. So he decided to walk me out the door and right at that moment he hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. Then out of the blue, he kissed me on my lips. I sort of pushed him because I was really shock and it was unexpectedly. Basically, after prom he hasn’t made any effort to talk to me,I also found out that he took some other girl to the after party. I tried talking to him but he drags on texting/messaging or he completely ignores me. I don’t know what I did wrong or if it was just that he was caught in the moment. One of his friends (they are not so close) tells me he could feel something towards me because he took me to prom when he could of gone by himself like the rest of his friends,also because he spend so much money on me and decided to take me as his prom date when he could of taken someone else… Which I honestly don’t think he ever felt anything for me. What should I do?

Reply June 16, 2013, 8:55 pm

Gen

i don’t know what you should do, but i know why he’s being so airy around you. At the prom he was being serious with you, he was going to spend the whole time with you, and by the sounds of it he did. When he saw you dancing with other people he was shocked, he realised you wern’t into him, as you wernt saving your dances for him.

This isn’t your fault, neither is it his, its just a misunderstanding. You view dancing with others as being fine, he views it as not being serious about the person your with. He’s not angry or anything, just a bit… nervous I suppose. He likes you, but thinks you don’t feel at all the same way, and he doesn’t want to hurt himself.

Reply October 5, 2014, 12:59 am

Nakisha

Ok, so I have been messing around with this guy for 9 months I’m 17 by the way and I love him to death. We moved too fast when we first started dating and we broke up I was a reck. I thought he was over me so I started dating other people and everytime he would see me with another guy he would start calling me and getting me in my feelings and then stop talking to me again. So we started talking again in February and everything was so good until I found out when we broke up he slept with my best friend and got her pregnant. But I still decided to stay with him and work it out. We were still doing good until I decided to get a std test and I tested positive for something. That was about 2 weeks ago and now he’s real distant he won’t talk to me I blew up his phone and I don’t understand why he is putting me through this when I didn’t do anything? I didn’t give him the std he gave it to me so idk what’s wrong with him. But he talks to everyone else…??

Reply May 31, 2013, 12:30 am

Fiona

I was recently dating a guy for almost 5 months. We met at a bar. He asked for my number and pursued me pretty intensely. He took me out on dates and always paid for everything and even bought me flowers. I waited about a month and half before I slept with him. My girlfriends met him and really liked him. They said that it was obvious that he really liked me. He seemed like such a good guy. He was my date for a friend’s wedding about 4 weeks ago. I asked him what we were and if he thought this was going anything. He said he liked me and enjoying spending time with me, that he always wanted to spend his weekends with me. After that, he didn’t text or call me every day, maybe every 2 days or so. He did ask me out the following weekend and I met his best friend and I also met his dad. Everything seemed ok. Last week he was scheduled to leave for a business trip in the middle of the week so he invited me over fo dinner. He cooked a wonderful dinner and we watched a movie later, it was a great night! We both left for work the next day and I texted him that night wishing him a good trip. He texted back and and eventually I fell alseep. We didn’t text or chat at tall the next day. The following night he texted me and everything seemed ok. I went to bed and texted him the following day. I got no response. I figured he was busy on his trip and he would text me when he got home. It’s been over a week now and nothing! Then the other night my roommate was on a dating website and found him!! I am so hurt and confused. I don’t understand what happened??

Reply May 26, 2013, 7:28 am

Cdub

I’m so sorry that you had to go through this. Are you sure it wasn’t just an old profile on the dating site? I certainly hope that he has manned up and talked to you about what is going on in his head. I had something similar happen to me. I was dating a guy for a few months. We got along very well, but we were both busy and traveling alot. He was charming and sweet. He can to see me a few times including driving very far to come see me when I was out of town. We had plans to meet up when he was next home from his business trip one weekend so I contacted him Thursday to find out what the plan was. I never heard from him again. Weeks and weeks went by. I was very hurt and confused. He didn’t even bother giving me the respect of telling me he was not longer interested.. He just vanished. To this day I suspect he may have been injured in the line of duty…… because I feel that is the only reasonable excuse for such disregard for someone elses feelings.

Reply June 3, 2013, 2:38 pm

Crudemood

So, I’m kind of seeing this girl. We went out to a concert, yoga, and lunch together. We had good times.

One night when we went out clubbing together I could tell she was REALLY into me at that point and I was a little bit scared (I don’t know why) so I started drinking my beers faster… By the end of the night I had a little too much to drink and she got upset at me the next day saying she was disappointed in me because of certain things I’ve done that night that I don’t remember doing. I waited a week to apologize to her. I asked her if she was going to stay mad at me forever and she said she was just waiting for an apology. Okay, were all good for now. (I think)

A week or so later I ask her out again and she told me she was busy. Thats fine. But then I asked her out two more times and she said she was busy. I know that she’s upset at me for what I did when I was drunk so I told her that I genuinely was sorry and wanted to make it up to her and so I tried for one last ditch ask out and she finally said yes. I told her we were gonna go to the beach.

Come the day before the beach date I contact her asking if she’s still up for it and she gives me a maybe but she suggest we go to the lunch instead so she would feel a bit more comfortable… Okay, I agreed.

During this lunch date, she was on her phone and not paying attention to what I said. She revealed to me that she had been depressed and that her life sucked. She didn’t seem too happy. I kept carrying the conversation and finally it died and we sat there for a while not saying anything to each other. Turns out she was called in for work that same day after lunch, so she must have been stressed because she would have worked 7 days that week. I tried to not take it personally…

As bad as I thought the date had went, she texted me right after saying how she was off to work. I told her to be happy and smile more.

A week later, today, I texted her saying good morning and asking her how she was. I didn’t get a response.

Do you think that one night at the club ruined any chance I had with her? I really do like this girl but I think she’s totally turned off by how I acted that one night clubbing.

I’m trying to put myself in her shoes… am I missing something? I don’t know if I should keep trying or not.

Reply May 25, 2013, 9:53 pm

Cat

I am or maybe now, was seeing a guy. We met a year ago but nothing happened more than the odd coffee as friends until a month ago. He text me out of the blue asking me out on a date. We went to dinner and it went really well, this followed with another coffee the next weekend then the following I stayed at his, nothing intimate happened apart from some kissing but we did share the bed. He introduced me to his friends and neighbours and it seemed all to be going well. After initially putting in a bit of effort he has completely stopped texting me, I am not one to chase someone, and am not a big texter myself but I am really noticing the lack of communication and its driving me crazy, is this a sure sign he’s lost interest? Its been over a week of no contact. GUY opinion please??

Reply May 6, 2013, 5:04 am

Ian

Cat before I say anything else I am going to tell you to contact him. From what you said it sounds like this may be a situation where two people who don’t like to put too much into the chase have started to see each other. I’m a limited chaser myself so don’t think I’m putting you or him down for it. From what you said, I gather a couple things: 1.He initially tried to keep contact up with you but after not much response he has lost interest or given up possibly. 2.Judging by the fact that you specifically said you don’t like to chase or text in general, you did not keep up the comunication anywhere near the level you should have. If you don’t like to text that is fine but he needs to know this and you need to ask him if he would be willing to try to communicate in more ways. If you like talking on the phone see if he is willing to talk to you, when he can, on the phone. If you like in person contact try to see him more. Maybe don’t increase it too fast like being together every day but since it sounds like you were together once a week before (once on the weekend?) so maybe try for two or three times a week. There are several ways to communicate. Texting has become the norm for talking nowadays for many people so now everyone has to text more but he may not have an issue with mixing it up and just texting here or there for quick messages or when he can’t talk, as long as you are willing to do the same. It’s a hard sell to tell somebody you haven’t contacted them because you don’t like to text. You don’t have to lead the chase you just have to keep it going. In my opinion (and it sounds like the guy is somewhat similar so he may somewhat agree with me) one of the worst things a woman can do is stop communicating. It’s better to say too much than nothing at all. Like I said in a response to another post, atleast if you’re contacting us we know you’re interested. Otherwise we don’t know anything and we assume that there’s not interest on the other end. Also remember just because you got his text it doesn’t mean you’re communicating (or vice versa); you don’t have to answer every text/call each other sends but if you don’t both do this it will never work. Oh and you get half credit just for being around, so as long as you are not distant or cold you don’t need to talk all the time (if you are having a conversation talk obviously) while you are together. Sometimes that can be an overload and that’s where the stereotypes come from.

Reply May 7, 2013, 5:10 am

BS

Such a double standard. A girl who wants a convo and asks a guy why he hasn’t responded is “needy.” A guy DEMANDS sex on the first date…why? Because he NEEDS it. And girls are expected to follow through with the man’s needs, but GOD FORBID a man acknowledge OUR NEEDS. This is why I will remain single for the rest of my life, WILLINGLY. Because a man who is self-indulgent is no man in my book! He’s a narcissistic loser.

Reply May 4, 2013, 4:52 pm

Eric Charles

You and I are on very different pages…

First, if a guy “demands” sex on a first date… well, frankly my dear… he’s an asshole.

And even if a guy “demanded” sex on a first date, you don’t have to have sex with him. You don’t ever have to see him again.

There’s nothing wrong with sex on the first date if that’s what you and the guy want to do, but if a guy is being pushy for sex and you don’t want to have it with him, nobody “expects you to follow through with the man’s needs”.

Your point here about a double standard makes no sense.

Reply May 5, 2013, 1:35 pm

laura

no a good example of double standards would be what my boyfriend does. If i dont text him back within 3 minutes he sends a hello? if i dont text back in another2 minutes he calls me. in the mean time he randomly ignores the crap out of me and wont text me back at all. but god forbid i dont text him back.

Reply June 13, 2013, 1:04 pm

Bunny

Yup, that would be a good example of a double standard, Lauren. I have been on this friendship thingy whatever with some dude in another country. He sometimes sends me texts and if I don’t answer he will continue to text me the next day until I give in and either text back or call him. However, if I text him first he will not respond. This will continue for days on end until his royal highness dignifies my cell phone with a response. Lately I’ve come to the realization that I don’t mean much in his life in the grand scheme of things, and that I should just continue on my merry way and hope to meet a guy within my zip code who actually gives a damn about acknowledging me. I am not demanding that this guy drop everything to answer my texts, but just a “yes” or “no” response (or something called respect), is all I am asking for.

Reply June 16, 2013, 12:42 pm

Ian

I agree with Eric, nobody said a guy should “demand” sex on a first date. Even in the context of your argument it’s not a double standard. You claim demanding sex is wrong and he said that overtexting/asking for attention is wrong. Seems like the common ground would be to say they are both wrong which is the same standard. Also they are kind of the same thing. In both cases the person goes the extra mile because their partner isn’t being clear with them or communicating enough. A guy initiates sex because read minds. We try to wait until there are clear signals but women don’t always initiate (usually don’t in most cases probably) so we take a chance. It isn’t something you should get mad about. If they don’t take no for an answer that gets into a different story, but still. Take the breast grab as a compliment, it means we think you are atractive. If the tables are turned do you think we are scarred for life by it? Men get hit on by women they aren’t attracted to or who are moving too fast all the time. We joke about it and move on. Let me clear, I’m not advocating men forcing themselves on women; I’m just saying that generally we “demand” sex because a.You’ve given us mixed signals or no clear (not subtle hints that guys don’t pick up on) negative signals, or b.We think you’ve just wasted our time and money. Reason b women turn into “he thinks just because he bought me dinner I have to sleep with him”, but it’s more about feeling used or conned. We don’t mind spending money on you, or taking you out to have a good time, or waiting a reasonable amount of time for sex; but it’s not hard to feel like maybe you had no interest from the start and were just using us. Typically this would happen if we just got the cold shoulder. If you have interest but don’t want to have sex then just be warm and kiss him goodnight or something.

Reply May 7, 2013, 4:32 am

RightOn

I agree!!! To hell with ’em!!!

Reply May 28, 2013, 12:56 pm

Justme

I met a guy everything seemed great. He introduced me to his bestfriend and also took me to his parents house for dinner., I was really happy because I thought he was really into me. We would text/talk daily.. Then about a week ago I call him no call back or text reply. I wait 3 days then text him “hey” he replies telling me that he just realized that he had an unsent message to me. I text him a couple days later and we talked on Friday. This was the first weekend since meeting him that he didnt make plans with me. He said he was busy so I did not want to bug him. Saturday no call no text. So sunday I text him “Hey we haven’t talked much…whats going on?” I wanted to know if his feelings have changed for me or if there was something going on in his life that he wanted to talk about. HE NEVER REPLIED! so the next morning I text him That I really thought he was decent enought man enough to just let me know what was going on. I know realize I never knew you. Goodbye I don’t know what happened?! I’m angry, hurt and confused :*(

Reply April 29, 2013, 3:43 am

Sam

Okay. So the guy I am texting is my ex. Him and I have been very close friends for the longest time and a while after we broke up we started getting feelings for eachother again. But I was dumb and messed everything up. I know I messed up and I even admitted it to him a few months after. (He told me he never wanted to speak to me again because I broke his heart) So I waited till when I thought the time was right and well when I told him a few days ago, I did it though text message. We had a pretty decent short conversation and said it would be nice to get together on Friday to catch up. So the next day(Wednesday) to confirm plans I texted him and he didn’t reply. Its like he disappeared off the face of the earth. I waited a few days to text again and he still won’t reply. I’m not sure if I should keep trying to talk to him or not. My friends know he still cares for me and they “say” he is testing me to see if I really care. But I’m not 100% sure. I told you as much as I could in short time but my question is should I give it time or tell him how I feel?

Reply April 23, 2013, 5:34 pm

mel

My boyfriend just broke up with me. i tryed to text him but he wont text me back. im am going nuts please help

Reply April 21, 2013, 4:02 pm

Karen

Hi, i really need some advice… desperately!! :0 i like this guy.. A LOT…. we used to be good friends! we’d txt and sometimes he wouldnt respond… in the past i asked him why he didn’t ( i know… needy)… then he asked me if it bothered me tht he txt back… i didn’t respond -pure silence- “exactly” was his answer , as if he took it as a yes….. he texted me a once while ago after a long break when he was upset at me ( we’re fine now) but im really scared on texting him.. i really want to talk to him but im afraid he wont text back because i really dont want to be a avoided… (i know i know… thats what every girl is afraid of when texting a guy…. but its different because he wouldn’t be doing it for the normal guy reasons and that reaaallllyyyy confuses me! This guy is different than other guys… he’s infantile, but he’s great! He really enjoys bothering me…. he always comes at our lunch table and hangs out… though, he hasn’t been coming in awhile…. (i worry too much, i know) but please, please! help mee!!

Reply April 14, 2013, 11:13 pm

Malou

Hey! I could need some advise.
I met this guy a weekend ago at a party at my friends’
dorm, and we ended up
talking most of the night, but when we parted he didn’t ask me
for my number or anything, just said I should tend the next party with a big smile
and we hugged.
The next day my girlfriends convinced me that I should get
in touch with him, so I ended up cyber searching him on fb.
It took a while but I found him and applied for friendship and left
a message. It’s been 5 days now, he accepted friendship the next
day after I send, but the message is still unread and unreplied.
Did I scare him away? And is there a way to do some damage
control? Should I delete the text and/or friendship?
I might run into him in a week or so at a party there, if he just isn’t interested it
would be nice to cut the awkwardness.
/Malou

Reply April 13, 2013, 12:09 pm

aisha

hi, when you aren’t friends with someone on fb yet and you send a message, the message usually goes into a parallel inbox marked as ”other”. I don’t think many people check that inbox, so maybe the message didn’t even get seen=)

Reply June 5, 2013, 5:27 pm

Margaret

I need help!! I started talking to this guy we hit it off great. We talked non stop allday pretty much everyday. He would say your so beautiful, I’m going to treat you the way you deserve and your my princess. I want this to work please dont hurt me baby. Things were going great like too good to be true. He told me he had a criminal past everything about it. It was strange circumstances with it. I told him I understood and didn’t care about it. We were together a month at that point and he was talking about having kids and getting married and everything. I was head over hills he was everything. This was also my first serious relationship. Then one night my best friend didn’t believe he was telling me everything about his past and looked him up. Found his record and told me everything that was on it. I confronted him about somethings he didn’t tell me were on there. I just wanted to know why he lied? I didn’t care what was on it just the fact that he lied. He flipped and was like this is why I have trust issues. We fixed things later that night or so I thought. He said he loved me and I did too. Things were back to how they were. Then one morning he texted me goodmorning like usual and told me he started talking to his ex again. I was like what?!! She’s the one who got him the criminal record and deeply hurt him. Told me he wanted to break up because he still had feeling for her. But wanted to be friends still. So we were friends for a week I really wanted him back did some stupid things trying to get him back he said we could only be friends. We both agreed. She got jealous told him he couldn’t talk to me anymore so he told me just that. A month later he txted me saying she left him. Found out he had proposed and they were to get married. Then she left him. We have stopped talking then started again 3 times he keeps he wants go be friends then wants to be with me.all throughout this he keeps saying he loves me and doesn’t want to loose me. I’m too important to him. What do I do? I love him so much and want him back. But I feel like a Rebound. How do I get him to make up his mind me or her?

Reply April 11, 2013, 11:19 am

ramona

there’s a guy i liked years ago but in a way still like. he’s always the one who starts texting first and when i answer he answers back short like he’s not interested. it’s confuses me! does he still likes me too or is he just playing mind games.

Reply April 9, 2013, 1:11 pm

crazy

I have a bf that im 17 years older than him…i feel in love with.and we have been with each other for close to.two years….Here is the crazy part he is very unhapply married he.was forced to.get married when he got his gf prego…he keeps telling me he is.going.tp leave and move in but nothing happens….He told me he.is.waiting to get money.up.for a divorce and then he will.move in….please give.me some advice on thisi know he.is truly unhappy and afraid to leave his little girl….help

Reply March 11, 2013, 7:27 am

Lawgirl

Hi!
I need some major advice please!!!!!
Okay long story somewhat short lol. I was with a guy for 2 years I loved him, and I thought he loved me… we spoke about marriage but after a year he back away and said he has a strict family and they will pick his wife and he can’t do anything about it (this is actually true it a culture thing from where he is from) BUT he broke up with me via text out of the blue… we met one day and 2 days later he sent a message… of course I was crushed this was my first relationship. Okay so throughout the breakup I made mistakes and texted him, told him why blah blah… but I stopped later.
After about 2 years later he messaged me on e-mail saying the major reason why he broke if off was he knew it wasn’t going anywhere but refuse to tell me.. and two he wanted a girl to have sex with and I wasn’t giving it to him because I am a virgin (oh I am now 23) and he said I was a girl for a man to marry not to mess with. So he found a new girl and brags that she and him ONLY hang in a parked car and why couldn’t I do that. I just LOL at it. So the past 2 months him and I have been talking just as friends. He would always repond to my texts (which before he would ignore or cuss me out etc, and this is 3 year after the break up). I told him it great hearing from you and I hope our path cross… he replied saying God willing our paths do cross I really hope that. So I just replied saying yeah. we would text throughtout the day mostly the morning, talking about all sort of stuff, TV, our lives, just friends talking. So he keep complimenting me and I just say thanns nothing more to make him feel like I want him back (BUT I DO STILL CARE A LOT FOR HIM). He than proceeds to say he is loving the way I live my life and he is envious and jealous. I moved away from the state I used to live in that he is still in and now in law school… and he always says he is jealous of me, which I don’t like.. always saying I am beautiful, that he misses me, wants to see me, calls me a “G” but I just say don’t be your got it good too… anyways he asked to see me, I said may be when I am back. So I later told him may be if we meet in public NOT A CAR, and just get coffee. He agreed and said he would find time. I said sure. He told me last week that may be this week we would me, well, I text him saying hey did you find a day so I knew bc i would be leaving back soon, he didn’t reply.. so I left it. Hours went by nothing. I told my friend, she took his number and called private without me knowing :/ he picked up!! So I later text saying I don’t know what’s going on, but I will respect that bye friend. The next morning he text saying hey, I replied with hi 2 hours later. He wrote how are you feeling, 2o min later I said pretty good. THAN he proceeded to ignore me again so I wrote if you don;t want to talk to me than don’t text or play games. I don’t want to waste time. I am really sad because I care so much for him, and am his friend and had faith he would be a MAN and just not play this game of hot and cold anymore… we are just friends. I am away and busy so I don’t expect much from him but a polite I can’t meet up but have a safe trip back maybe next time or just if he doesnt want to talk to ne stop talking don’t talk to me than, ignore. The week is over and I am going back to my University I didn’t hear from him….

OH, and he kept saying he would come visit me in the state I am in now bc it is a tourist state, and said we would have fun and just hang… he was saying/asking would it be awkward, i said no but if we meet it would take the awkwardness away….

So will he ever text me? Because I secretly do want to hear from him again??? Why does he do this? is he fooling me? Please help, my heart is broken again. I been hurting for almost 4 year becouse of this guy… this is a long long long story that is very condense. He is kind of a jerk, obivosly a player since he left to find a sex buddy. I feel like he doesn’t care, yet I still do. He says I am a great friend and that he has love for me, but why alway do this?

Do you think he will ever call me or text me? I need you help!!!!! please

Reply January 14, 2013, 3:50 am

Ian

I know it sounds simple, but I would move on. You are probably a decent girl/woman and you’re just being held back by him. Not actively, like if you were still in a relationship, but passively because you haven’t gotten over him. You would probably be someone that myself and others would be happy to get to know but if you stay stuck on him it’s going to prevent you from getting to know other people at times. He really sounds like someone that isn’t worth your time. I don’t see a point for you to meet him or continue contact; it doesn’t sound like he is interested in being with you and since he’s a jerk the friend part doesn’t have a lot of value. I don’t know why you are a virgin or if you want to stop being a virgin but if he wants to have sex then that is what he wants. He may think that he can take your virginity. He treats you the way he does because you let him. You stay in contact with him and because you aren’t a priority he contacts you when he feels like it. In my responses to the other people I’ve basicly said to try to give the guy a chance when possible, but in your case I think you may have somebody that you should stop talking to. The only reason he is talking to you is because he has nothing to lose. If he is with someone then maybe he can get with you and if not he still has that person; if he doesn’t have anyone then worst case he’s again no worse off. The things he said to you and the way he acts are not a good fit for you besides being a jerk. Granted you may fit well with a jerk, but be with someone like me that will actually like you (maybe we can negotiate the virgin thing). To answer your questions, yes he will likely text you; Yes he will likely call you if that is something that was not uncomon for him to do; yes you do want to hear from him again (you desire to hear from him, not that it is a good idea); he does this because he’s an a-hole; Yes he is probably somewhat fooling you, although leading you on may be more accurate; yes he is a jerk; no he is not a player; no he doesn’t care that much; yes you probably are a great friend; no he does not have love for you; he does this because he can and he really has nothing to lose, and because you let him by not breaking off contact with him.

Reply May 7, 2013, 3:37 am

Tuiou

Don’t overanalyze the lack of texting. I’m not a youngster, and even I have the temptation to find out what so and so is doing. But what I have learned, that no man who won’t respond to your overtures is worth setting up a nest in your head. FYI, this also works for guys who’s gal pal hasn’t texted them back. So, guys, just switch the pronouns and this scenario will work for the girl who can’t seem to find the time to respond to your test.

If the man wanted to be with you or text you, he would. Plain and simple. It’s highly unlikely that he’s in a body cast in the hospital or recently entered the FBI Witness Program. The days of snail mail or landlines are over. He can be in touch with you 24/7. So no excuses. He’s either moved on, playing games or in a quandry about how to handle the “commitment” implied by a text from you saying “Hi.” Yes, he thinks he’s that special. He thinks that now you want him to father your 4 kids. That type of man is not a prize.

However, no one likes to be rejected, even by a dumbass. Especially by a dumb@$$. I was dumped by a redneck (his neck was even red) who thought he could do better than me. Why? Because I was stupid enough to go out with someone who wasn’t in my league. He got me easily and he was moving on up (fyi, he still hasn’t found anyone).
The real issue is the feeling of being dumped. But remember this, if he didn’t want you, why the heck would you want him? Do you want to date someone who doesn’t see your value? So a lot of the pain is just the feeling of being rejected, whether you actually liked the guy or not.

So, here’s what you do. If the guy does not text you back within a reasonable period of time (reasonable for you, that is. Compare your contact now to when he was actually interested), do not text or contact him. Put a rubber band around your wrist and snap it whenever you think about the guy. Delete the guy’s number from your phone. Block the guy’s number from your phone. Meanwhile now that you have time freed up, go out and have fun with friends. I suggest not finding another lover until you’ve stopped being a doormat.

If and when your lover finally sends you a text, here’s how you’ll respond (even if you’re heart is beating and you know who it is. Don’t be charmed unless he has a hospital bill showing he was in a body cast.)
You who is this ????? (question marks or periods show at least puzzlement if not outright irritation.)
Him: John
You: hmm. . . . er . . .which John?

Yeah, you might know John, and maybe he’s the only John in your life. However, if you haven’t truly forgotten this guy, isn’t it nice to know that he probably feels the piercing twinge in his heart that he has been forgotten. Revenge is best served cold. However, colder yet, and truly awesome is when you’ve truly forgotten the guy and you’re absolutely clueless who he is.

Reply December 26, 2012, 11:29 pm

Ian

This advice is fine if you want to be alone. Not if you want to be with somebody. Just be cautious when dealing with people. Give him/her a couple chances before starting to move on. If “John” didn’t do anything wrong to you before besides not text you for a while maybe see what he’s looking for; but keep in mind what you are looking for. If it seems like he just wants sex and you want a relationship (or vice versa) then maybe he isn’t a good match. Atleast not right now. You may want to be as clear as possible with them about your thoughts though.

Reply May 7, 2013, 2:59 am

Mallory

I can’t agree, just quit responding to his text all together. Why be immature and petty about? A man can get the picture and will feel very stupid after seeing he’s texted you and you are no longer responding to his misguided “advances.” If one thing I regret, it’s regretting acknowledging a guy who use to text me HOURS apart and sometimes a DAY apart. But what can I say, he was VERY attractive, that and a guy friend of mine had introduced me to him, vouching that he was quite the gentleman. But at this point I’m sure both were big frauds. Anyway, I regret acknowledging his text for as long as I did, I suppose in some part of my mind I had hoped he would genuinely be interested in me.

But now who cares, he may have not been genuinely interested or invested in getting to know me, but that doesn’t have to be a reflection on me; because he was never interested in taking the time to get to know me in the first place–so who was he to really judge who I am!??

I don’t think its necessary to play the “who is this?” card when someone you are nudging out of your life texts you…that’s amateur and juvenile, and if you take that approach during your confrontations, I can guarantee you are taking that approach doing your other social interactions and that may be one reason why men try to run a scheme on you or your relationships or those you hope to become relationships don’t work out. The best policy is just to rise above it, if a guy doesn’t act truly invested in you, stop leaving it in his court. Instead see it as “HE’S NOT doing enough to grab YOUR ATTENTION,” when you think like that, it makes it a lot easier in not fretting over a guy who is just playing games.

With the texting guy, I eventually just stop responding and eventually he got the message. For some ladies this isn’t juicy or filled with enough vengeance and fire but guys hate knowing they’ve been forgotten or that they aren’t the one being left–in fact not just guys, people hate knowing they are the ones being passed up–so for me, just quit with the games and handle it like a woman, especially if you want to be perceived as one.

Reply July 5, 2013, 12:01 am

Candice

Is there any hope?

Basically I have liked my best guy friend for a very long time. We were always very close and flirty especially if we have been drinking. He was dating this girl the whole time I have been friends with him, but they recently broke up. 2 days after they broke up we went out and ended up making out that night. Then we made out the following weekend. Then the weekend after that we had sex (apparently he doens’t remember that or basically anything from that night). I didn’t see him for a while, because we had a break from school. This past weekend we had a formal and ended up making out on the bus ride home, but he said I couldn’t come over because he was going to hang out with his roommate who had a bad night. Yet, he was texting me but I literally passed out so nothing happened. I am not sure what any of this means or what to do. We haven’t talked at all. Bottom line if nothing further happens, I literally do not want to lose him as a friend. What should I do?

Reply December 3, 2012, 12:25 am

Ian

I don’t know what you mean by “Yet, he was texting me but I literally passed out so nothing happened”. Why haven’t you talked? Have you tried getting ahold of him? Whatever his interest level is, you stopping communication will not help. If you’ve known him for a while chances are he will be fine having some sort of relationship with you but he probably doesn’t know how you feel. He may not be sure either and may be more comfortable going back to friends but if he knows that you have some interest in dating him still he atleast knows that’s an option. You have to understand that many guys have had bad experiences with women and have heard of even worse so we don’t know how you will act in a situation and we generally have no clue how you feel. You don’t have to get serious next time you talk or see each other but try to see him and stay in contact. Stay cool and maybe work up to talking about it. Try to be the person you always are that he liked. There’s no gaurantees but the only times I’ve given up on someone is when I couldn’t take the mixed messages anymore or they just completely flaked/changed.

Reply May 7, 2013, 2:44 am

Kelcey

Okay, it could just be me blowing this out of proportion, but lemme give some background: I had a crush on this guy last year when he was a senior and I, a junior. He added me on Facebook and he started to message me and we sent some texts back and forth but nothing major. Then we kinda just stopped talking altogether. Well, a few weeks ago, he messages me just kinda starting casual conversation, what have you, and we hung out like two weeks ago. Well, I was basically there all night and we talked for quite a few hours and then we watched a movie, cuddled, yadda yadda. Before I left, we were making out, but then his dad came home and it was like 2am and I hadda leave. Since then, we’ve been messaging each other back and forth and I’ve been wanting to hang out with him again but I only really asked him a couple days ago if and when he wanted to. Well, he keeps saying that he’s incredibly busy with work and everything and when he finds out, that I’ll be the first to know. It sounds really bad when I type it out, but (to me) he really does not seem like that kind of a guy. He’s definitely not like any other guy I’ve talked to. He’s an absolute sweetheart and he’s totally down to earth. Anyway, after he told me that, I asked him where he works (’cause I’ve never asked before hahah) and its been like 3 days since I’ve heard from him. Now, my phone shows whether or not someone is online and stuff like that so I’ve kinda been periodically checking to see if he is or not and he has been but I’ve gotten nothing. It could be like you said in that post that he really is just trying to focus on work and stuff, but I’m kinda just like wth, ya know ? Now I’m plagued with whether or not I should just message him anyway or if I should just wait a little longer and see if he replies. What exactly do you think of my predicament and what would you suggest I do, if anything ?

Reply November 30, 2012, 9:04 pm

Zoe

Kelcey,
The way I see it, it could be one of two things. Or, maybe both. Okay, so it could be these things:

1. He really is busy with work.
It sounds like he either did or does like you from what you said about when you two first hung out, so this is definitely a possibility. It really doesn’t sound like he would just all of a sudden forget you ever existed.

and/or:

2. He’s confused.
This is also a possibility. He could’ve really enjoyed the first time you guys hung out but became confused for some reason and doesn’t know what to do about it.

I can actually relate to your story with the whole working guy thing though, so I understand your frustration. We could sure use a guy’s input on this one!

Reply December 7, 2012, 10:07 pm

Kelcey

Okay, lemme apologize ahead of time that this will problly be really long; I’m sorry.

I feel like both of your answers could be possible. There have been two instances though where I felt completely blown off and at the same time understanding: the first time, I asked him if he wanted to get some ice cream with me and he said that he had to work and suggested the next day. Next day, I ask him if he still wants to go and he said he was about to go play basketball for a little and that he’d message me when he was through … I didn’t hear back from him until I woke up the next morning to a message saying that he was sorry and that ‘something came up.’ I was like okay, no big deal. The second time, he said he was free for a few hours and that we could chill, but when I asked him if he was ready he never answered. Later that night he said ‘i’m really sorry, i hungout with family :(‘. To that, I almost kind of felt like he should have added ‘instead’. It was around Thanksgiving and everything but still, if he didn’t want to hang out with me, he could have said so, ya know ? Fast forward to when we actually hangout again: the entire time I felt like he just wanted to hookup with me because he was being all touchy-feely and wanting to cuddle a lot and trying to kiss me. At one point he said he was ‘infatuated with me’ and I thought it was sweet but I still kind of had a guard up about it. The thing that really trips me up is that we did have pretty stimulating conversation, both in messages and in person, so why do I feel like I was there as almost a joke ? I will confess, my last real relationship was when I was 14 and I’m now 18 and guys haven’t really shown much interest in me between then and now.

In relation to your suggested answers, though, do you think it could just be me not being able to actually let him in ? So much so that I’m actually pushing him out ? 🙁

Reply January 11, 2013, 11:16 pm

Ian

Hey Kelcey. I don’t want to get into too much of a guessing game, but it doesn’t sound like anything too abnormal. Your situation is probably a bit different at this point but I’ll just say a couple things. If he made it a point to contact you then he is open to the idea of dating you or getting to know you better. The fact that you made out, that you talk on a normal basis (maybe not as much as you want but it doesn’t really stop), that he wants to be around you, and honestly that he bothers to give you excuses, are all indicators of atleast a little interest. Here’s where the problem comes into the situation though. What are you looking for and does it match what he is looking for? Do you want sex or some sort of sexual activity? Because if not you might as well join a convent or focus on school or something until you do. Very few guys don’t want something sexual eventually out of the relationship. Women tend to look at this as a bad thing. It’s not. It’s just guys being realistic. In comparison ask yourself what you would really like to do with a future boyfriend. Maybe go dancing? Go to dinners? Or movies? Picnics? Walks? I’m not a woman (or you) so fill in the blank for yourself. Now imagine that guy telling you that there is no way that he is going to do that with you and every time you try he is going to say he doesn’t feel well, or he has a headach, or he has to be up in the morning, or whatever. Hell maybe he claims he’s on his period. I think I’ve used that once or twice. Basicly he says that if you ever want to be seen in public together or get what you want out of this relationship then you need to think again. Now, how long would you stay around?
You might be completely fine with having sex, but I bring it up partly because you mentioned that it seemed like he just wanted to hook up. That certainly could be possible. You have to judge by his actions if he actually gives a damn, which is hard. It’s fine to be cautious when having/thinking about sex but you have to understand that there are differences between men and women. For one, many times (personal experience) we treat these situations like a video game; we have a goal and we know we have to figure out how to slay that goddamn dragon to get to the treasure chest. One problem is that we want to start where we left off and you (a woman) want to start the game over. To use another analogy, when you guys were making out he got to second base let’s say and then he had to stop because of a rain delay. When we get back on the field we go back to that base in our heads. So when he came over in his head he may have been like “we made out before so she’ll be fine if we start making out again and maybe more if everything goes ok” which you saw as him moving too fast. Ironicly moving too fast is a turnoff for women, so even though we are only going by the signals you have given us in the past, we get ourselves into trouble. Much like with not texting back (see other comment to the woman from an older post) we start to assume that you have lost interest, or are playing games, or whatever. Keep in mind I am assuming a low dushbag level and that he is not just trying to use you. You will push him away by rejecting him (obviously) no matter what kind of guy he is or how he feels about you, but if he is using you he may not be hurt by your rejection. As far as him being confused, I can pretty much gaurantee it. We are confused up until we die, we just get slightly less so as we age.
So I guess to sum up: don’t worry as much about him cancelling plans or getting sidetracked as long as he is staying in contact with you and he does go through with plans at least from time to time. Don’t assume he doesn’t like you both mentally and physically just because he gets a little excited and touchy-feely. If you don’t want to do anything sexual be very clear but also understand that he may disappear; very few guys want to be with a woman that doesn’t want to have sex with them and this IS NOT a card you want to play; you WILL lose every time. Unless they want to wait till marriage this is not something you want to play with; we will wait but not THAT long. Let’s be honest, after everything I’ve said, he’s probably a dirtbag. Biggest indicator being that “he is infatuated with you”. That’s code for whatever I’m doing isn’t working so I’m going to double-down and hope she falls for it. So be careful.
I don’t know if you think this has been helpful or not but I should probably delete this if possible after you see it cause if I encouraged others to give a-holes another chance, the rest of us a-holes would never get a chance. I think that might be a bro-code violation and I could have my card suspended. Tread lighty with any information you have gathered young one. For both our sakes.

Reply May 7, 2013, 2:23 am

angelina

well i were dating this mexican for awhile but he text me late ,but i didn’t answer him right away and i told him i were asleep and that i were in an arguement with my roommate he want to know with who i told him ask me were i dating him ,he assume it were with a men just because i said roommate .every now and then he will text me he never would say it over, what should i do

Reply October 18, 2012, 2:01 pm

Yessem

I’ve been texting a good friend for years and recently we started sexting.
Another friend of mine that he knows was talking to me and knows about it, when I mentioned she said hi he flipped and hasnt really texted me back or he initiates a conversation and leaves after saying hi, it’s annoying me and I almost regret taking our friendship to this level :/

Reply October 18, 2012, 12:14 pm

Valia

I’ve been talking with this guy I met online two months ago. We would talk every morning, text throughout the day, and always talk on the phone at night. Two weeks ago he told me he was falling for me and I said the same back. The next morning he didn’t call and from then on he’s barely been texting/calling me. If I text him he’ll respond and we’ll talk for a while but I feel like if I don’t text him first I won’t hear from him. I don’t understand the sudden change and i’m trying to not text him as much so I don’t seem clingy. He’s coming to see me next week (decided this a month ago) and I don’t want it to be weird. The very few times we do talk he says that he misses me and can’t wait to see me. Is he not interested anymore? Seeing someone else? Any advice would help. Thanks!

Reply October 15, 2012, 9:59 pm

Wise

Unfortunately, the truth is almost anytime a man acts that way he probably is talking to someone else. As hard as it may be, I would try to take my mind off of him. Men love the chase and for some, once they’ve caught you then they decide to find someone else to chase. Not all guys do that. The truth of the matter is though he may seem soooo into you and say a lot of sweet nothing’s…sometimes they’re just that, nothing’s. I also wouldn’t advise you ask him about it either. 9 times out of 10 he’s not going to give a straight answer because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings and he doesn’t want to close the door on possibly coming back to you if he thinks there is potential.

Always guard your heart though. Just to reiterate the point that just because a guy acts a certain way and says certain things doesn’t mean he’s leveling with you. Men aren’t wired to automatically feel emotion the way we do, the are more logical first. They can feel emotion but its something that isn’t so readily tapped into, so at this stage in the relationship and the fact that now he’s being wishy washy, I’d say just don’t spend so much time on him and wondering what’s going on and just live your life. Chances are he’ll be coming back and by then you’d probably be in a different mindset as to whether or not you’d even want to deal with him and if he didn’t hey by the time you notice, you won’t even care.

Believe me it took me a while to really do this when I was in a situation just like yours. From experience I’m telling you that the best solution which may seem the hardest, is to just move on with your life. I would even question the date that you guys are supposed to go on simply because going on it will make it harder for you to move on. He’s already showing you signs of not being as into you as he lets on so don’t risk falling deeper and making it harder for you to guard you heart. Believe me I’ve been there. You may think this date may change everything and make him pursue you again and sure for a short time it might but in the long run he’s already showing you his hand…he’ll go right back to being wishy washy. When I realized this and stopped letting guys like this take me through emotional roller coasters is when I truly met a guy that deserved my attention because I stopped giving men that acted wishy washy like that the time of day and I made sure my heart was guarded enough so that moving on wouldn’t feel like a quasi break up. You never know he may clean up his act but if he doesn’t there will be someone out there for you that has there act together. Just gotta be patient. Hope this helps 🙂

Reply October 16, 2012, 10:07 am

Anais

If a guy ignores a text that requires a an answer, I ignore them back or take awhile to answer, depending on the situation. Most guys don’t take it as a sign of loss of interest. It seems like if they really want to speak to me, they will find a way to get in touch again, they will text me again, etc. Sort of how we behave with those guys we don’t care about. We may be hesitant to reply but keep trying to get in touch due to your lack of quick response.

I rather do what is effective than what sounds “logical” I’ve seen that with guys who have ignored me, replying when I hear from them sends out the message that it’s ok to ignore me and they will do it again. They need to know you won’t always be available if they aren’t seeing it yet. I see it as a way of communicating that your time is valuable in a manner that works (yeah saying “why didn’t you text me back” doesn’t work!)

Reply October 11, 2012, 11:05 am

Ian

I don’t even know what exactly you are saying and I know it’s completely dumb. First of all, I don’t think I have to go any further than your first paragraph to explain why it doesn’t make any sense. You are talking about a guy you presumably like and then you talk about using a tactic on him that it appears you yourself say is what you would use on somebody you don’t like.
Second, every guy is different of course, but in general if you don’t text/contact a guy you are giving the impression that you don’t like him. We don’t play games in that way (if at all). If you don’t show interest then we assume there is not interest. Sure if you text a lot it can get to a point of being needy but atleast we know there is interest. We don’t know anything from silence. You are COMPLETELY wrong that guys don’t take it as a loss of interest. We will give you a few chances to keep it going before giving up on you, but that’s all it is.

Reply May 7, 2013, 12:56 am

B

When my boyfriend didn’t text me back, it was basically his way of breaking up with me. I was really upset for a while because I expected him to just say it was over but I realize that I did nothing to make him ignore me and I deserve someone who will talk to me about what’s going on instead of running away like a coward. I really don’t get why people ignore someone as a way to dump them. I’m all about being direct and honest, even if someone’s feelings get hurt in the process. If he had just said it was over, I would’ve understood and had immediate closure. Instead I went months not hearing from him and waiting for a sign that things were okay. Men need to cut that shit out. You may think you’re avoiding drama but in reality you’re breaking someone’s heart and leaving them hanging.

Reply October 2, 2012, 12:46 am

a.price

Well i have no idea what to do im 14 almost 15 and my bf is 15. we have been together for 3mths and 2 1/2 wks. and we have perfect everything andknow everything and trust and theres no arguments but the he brought up what u want for xmas and ur day and then i had said nothing as usuall girls do but i did want nothing. He saidsomething was in the mail then he sent me a pic of what it was and it was a most beautiful promise ring but my friends are telling me a year isi better and i agree or something like new years is good to. but he is the one tht enforces our comitment and we love each other and my mom and my gma the 2 most ppl close to me even said he was just amazing but idk how to respond if i get a promise ring early or 1 yrs. so i need help please anwser me im like a lost puppy on this thanks

Reply October 1, 2012, 8:27 pm

Annabelfay

There’s this guy will text me “good morning!” everyday. I did the same thing too. After greeting each other, our conversation often died.. and he always seems to reply me 4-11 hours later. He can use twitter while not replying my text. The way he talks seems like he’s not into me.. But why he still text me everyday ‘good morning’? I just don’t get it.. He is making me confused. anyone out there help me please. And i do like him.

Reply September 3, 2012, 5:52 am

Mallory

Hi Annabel

I have experienced something similar with a guy. He asked for my number, he would text me–always initiating the text–but he would text me, like your guy 4+ hours apart or just not reply back to my text until the next day. What I did was I’d only text him if he texted me, now this isn’t something I do with every man I talk to, but this guy from the start would take hours to a day on end to respond to a text of mine, and sometimes we’d go weeks without talking. The circumstances of how we met made me feel even more suspicious of him because we almost hooked up (I was drunk–I’m a bit of a lightweight) but thankfully I stopped it from getting any further and I had good friends who made sure they kept me from making a decision I wasn’t really conscious of making. But because of that, I had a feeling–sort of what Ian said an above statement–that he just wanted to pick back up from where he started. During our text he never really made an effort to get to know other than the starter how are you? how is your day going blah blah; and each text always ended up with him inviting me out to a spot that served alcohol–it felt like he was only trying to bait me into falling into the situation in which we had met. I wasn’t interested. Now, I was with a guy for 3 years and we were engaged for the last year of our relationship. He made such an effort to be with me, in fact I wasn’t interested early on in knowing him, to date him. I was a freshman in college and was at a point where I felt all guys were the same and just wanted to hookup and have sex. Well I was a virgin too and didn’t want to just lose it to someone that only wanted to USE me, but with this mentality I had decided I wouldn’t commit to a guy until I knew he was committed to me. For me, it wasn’t about playing games but doing what was smart for me. I remember telling my [guy who is now my ex] that I would go on a date with him, but that I was going on dates with other guys too because I wasn’t going to commit to people that weren’t willing to be the same for me. I wasn’t sleeping with these guys mind you either–but my point is–my ex had told me that, that was fine. And that he “wanted me to do whatever I pleased and that someday I’d realize he was the right guy for me and when that day came, we could be together and that he’d be waiting.” Now of course that sounds all so dreamy, you’re probably wondering why I’d let a man like him go haha but that relationship and that experience taught me that when a guy is ready and when he is interested, HE WILL SHOW IT! A guy who takes that much time to talk to you is not interested in you, he text you good morning everyday only to see if he still has you in his pocket…guys love having potential hookups, both present and future. You are nothing but a possibility of sex for him and as long as you acknowledge his good morning text he will continue to think that–someday–he will be able to hook up with you. This guy probably has another girl that he is either a. already getting sex from whenever he wants or b. he’s talking to another girl that he is more interested in. He’s texting you these small little good morning text only to keep you around if a or b were to fall aside.

What I’ve learned or what I believe is, if you have to even ask yourself if this guy is really interested AND you can even say…IF YOU EVEN have to say you feel like “he’s not into me,” then the guy more than likely isn’t. I know some men will try to say no no that’s not true but it is, when a guy really wants something…hell even if it is just sex, he WILL go after it with all he’s got. When he doesn’t, [you, it’s fill in noun] just meh to him and if its meh he won’t bother really making any real effort.

What you should ask yourself is, “Am I really attracted to this? A man like this?” If it’s no then move on with your life, don’t leave the ball in his court. For me if every time I talk to a guy and he takes that long to talk to me–sure if it happens a few times no big deal, he may ACTUALLY be busy–but if he is on average taking that long to respond EVERY time you talk and leaves you feeling like he’s not into you…then why be into him? Why make it a matter of “am I attracting or making him interested?” And make it a matter of “is he doing enough to keep me interested?”

Reply July 5, 2013, 1:31 am

sara

The not texting me thing is happening to me too. We were texting back and forth sometimes he would call and we would chat. I would visit him at work. We went to a bar one night after he got off and had a terrific time. I even came over to his house once and we watched a movie, ordered pizza and had wine. Then one weekend I went over and spent the night the next morning got up, we had breakfast and he took me home. We chatted the whole time it was great. We said goodbye he kissed me and I said I’ll talk to you later. I text him a while later to see how his errands were going and replied back. The next day I worked but did not hear from him, I got sick at work and did not want to bother him. Next day he text saying he was busy but asked how I was and what I was doing. The next day I asked if he wanted to do something he said he had dinner with his parents and the next day completely booked understandable. So I thought we would do something Friday I text him and nothing. Next day (Saturday) he did text me and apologized for Friday and told me he has been busy. Which I understand but at the time I was half-up and sent a stupid text message about “i thought he was mad but i was glad he was busy and doing what he enjoys” and now it has been a week. His birthday is Sunday and part of me wants to wish him a happy bday, a part of me thinks giving him space is a good thing but I don’t want to be “needy”. I am still just stuck…but am keeping myself busy.

Reply August 20, 2012, 9:10 pm

so what

I don’t care if a guy doesn’t text me back because maybe I’m just not that into you. However very rarely you meet someone who is special. Rocks your world and not in a physical sense but you know he’s the one. You don’t want him to make the same mistakes that an average guy would make because then he would be average and if he acts like an average guy DO YOU WANT HIM?? NO!! Alls fair in love and war and there are no hard set rules to da game. In the end, you will be with the one you were meant to be with. p.s. i’m lovn it!!

Reply August 12, 2012, 9:46 am

Lona

He’s So weird !!!!! We used to talk all night , but tonight he said I’m tired I want to sleep we used to sleep together at the phone but tonight he’s diff he was so cold with me !!! I feel he got bored of me Nd maybe hell go to call some1 else now !!! plZ I need help some1 help me Plzzzzzz ;( he drivin me crazy

Reply August 7, 2012, 8:30 pm

Arlen

Yea I think he’s cheating girl. I’m so sorry. Best thing to do right now is give him space n stop freaking out! All the pieces will come together eventually…I hope he’s not but it really sounds like he is. Until u know for sure, like I said, give him space and live your own life b stop freaking out.

Reply August 7, 2012, 8:50 pm

Lona

But he told me The other day That hes so in love With mee i felt It! He looked to My eyes nd he asid i cant Live without you ! Im so confused be4 2days he was fine With me But now hes diff !!! Aah nd he asid smth yesrerday i asked him him Wts wrong ge said I’m bores I need to relax go somewhere I just need to relaaax life is boring I asked him Wt do u mean ur bores of meee he told me ofcourse not baby not you but I need to relax we can go to a hotel or something for 2 days I Dnt know Wts wrong with him I’m sorry I know I look like I’m crazy but I’m so in love with him Nd I’m afraid I Dnt want him to leave I’ll die !!!!! Nd the proble m is I can’t give him a space I can’t live without talkin or see him every dayyyy !!! ThAnk you

Reply August 8, 2012, 7:31 am

Lona

Hey … Yesrerday theres aguy talles to me My boyfriend Sae him nd he hit him After That he told me i love u nd i cant Live without you he was so in love With me ! But today hes so diffrent With me he didnt Call i told him i wanna See u i Miss u he told me i wanna c My friends he seemed Cold With me i dont know Why i Dnt know whats wrong With him hes weird Im so tired i need help !!!!

Reply August 7, 2012, 1:36 pm

Lona

Hey it’s lona again 🙂 well I’m confused … I told u be4 my story …. today I had so much fun with my boyfriend he seems in to me love me very much he told me I love u million time today until the same number called him I asked him Whoooo he told me like always my friend I really Dnt know Do I have to stop thinking bout this number ? Am I overreact ? He told me be4 2days that I becme too sensitive !!! But Wt Bout the number he Dnt answer n front of me !!! I think there’s something !!!! I changed I’m so crazy Nd every 1told me that they told me stop or u will die cuz I’m thinkng too much bout my boyfriend Nd if he’ll cheat on me !!! Anyways do u think I have to believe my boyfriend that the number is his friend plZzz answer mee ???? Thanks

Reply July 27, 2012, 5:06 pm

Lona

yes he’s cheatin on me ! First I feel it sec last night he was talkin for 1hour thro the phone at 2am when I asked him he told me my brother Haaa!!! Omg!!! Nd I told him ok baby Nd he didn’t say anyth I told him say Smth baby he told me can I go to sleep !!! He avoid Goin out with me !!! I Dnt know do u think he’s telling me the truth maybe I’m just over reacting I have no idea !!! What’s Goin on ! But I’m sure he loves me I hope now he still love me !!! Yea maybe u will say I’m crazy bcoz I am I love himm I love him no way i can imagin my life without him !Today he didn’t call but I called him once he was So cold with me he was at work ! I dont know if he will call me back ….. Is he cheating on me ???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply July 26, 2012, 9:18 am

Lona

He’s still weird with me !! I don’t want to leave him!!! I think he
hide Smth he’s not in to me anymore ! He’s always angry with me! It
really hurts I need a plan or Smth ! I can’t live like that without
him I just can’t , I dumped all my exes but he’s diff I’m arras he’ll
dump me ! ;( I feel like my whole world is fallin around me
I really need a plan to return him

Reply July 25, 2012, 5:50 pm

Eva

Try not to make him the center of your world anymore. Sometimes we have to go through this stuff to learn that nimatter how great it was or how much into you he was before, his behavior right now is sending you a clear message that he needs space. I really liked a quote Eric Charles had sent in a previous email an I’m paraphrasing but it stuck with me: No amount of hopeless desperation will keep a man that doesn’t want to be with you. There’s no amount of desperation required to keep one that does.

I’m not saying that this man doesn’t want to be with you but you will only push him away but running towards him and expecting him to give you reassurance that he still wants to be with you. It makes you seem desperate to him and thats not attractive to men. Even though you are probably an attractive girl and you have dumped every other guy. Don’ say you can’t live without him, time heals everything. I’ve been there too and I’m stronger now for it so just keep your head up and whether he comes back or not, there’s plenty of great guys out there who’ll appreciate you. Sometimes, you have to set someone free and if they come back that’s great but if not then it wasn’t meant to be.

Reply July 26, 2012, 1:09 am

Malon

PLEASE HELP EVEN THOUGH THIS IS A NOVEL. I JUST WANT TO BE AS PRECISE AS POSSIBLE.
I have this guy friend whom I’ve had for 2 years now. By guy friend I mean a bunch of my friends and I would go to a Karaoke bar in town every weekend (small town) and he’d also be there with his friends so we would all enjoy each other’s company. Sadly, the karaoke bar closed down but he always kept in touch with me via texting. Often I wouldn’t reply because I’d be very busy with school and my boyfriend at the time was sort of a jealous type (not that he had any reason to worry). Anyway, this past mid June my boyfriend (now ex) and I broke it off after a year of dating and so I finally decide to hang out with the guy friend. We’ll call him Dwight ’cause it’s such an awesome name. Dwight had been bugging me for months to watch a movie or go for food, just casual it seems as he knew I was dating my ex (before we broke it off). Anyway, we hung out a few times (getting along very well, just as we always did). He’d show me tons of personal things, like some short, funny family videos and stuff about his job, etc. He was just super funny and sweet, and he was also interested in my job. He ended up kissing me at the end of one of the nights we saw each other, and after our ‘macking session’, he quickly grabbed my hand as we started walking back towards his house to watch a movie, and I remember feeling sort of stunned…it felt like he had been just waiting to hold my hand and “have me” (if that makes sense..). I wasn’t expecting anything to happen with us before that night or afterwards…He was always very outgoing and neutral about most things and consequently, he was difficult to read.

Anyway, a week later (Canada Day weekend) we had plans to spend the saturday together (he had asked me weeks before if I wanted to). We actually spend Friday night and sat together, and both days included much (probably 90% initiated by him) cuddling, stroking, holding, kissing, even cute kissing like on the forehead and on the hand…very loving like.

Now, I guess I should stress that I am not a clingy person…Usually he initiated texting, kissing, holding, asking to hang out, etc. I’m extremely easy going and was not expecting anything from him, even though he persistantly acted like we were “together”. That Saturday night, we slept together. The next week was like the last, he always texted me throughout the day (though not constant, we’d both throw in a text or two every hour or so as we’re both extremely busy with work). We saw each other a few other times this month, slept together a few other times. Last Monday we had a normal texting day, and he also asked me if I wanted to get food the next day, to which I responded sure, if I got my work done.

The next day, he didn’t text me at all until I texted him in the late afternoon, just mentioning that if he still wanted to get food I’d probably be done soon. He responded an hour later saying that he just woke up, sorry. I said no worries. He didn’t text me at all the next day (neither did I) expect to say something like hey sorry I’ve been out of it lately. The next day I repsonded with, It’s all good. He then texted remotely quick saying ‘You’re alive?!’ ….I said I was busy and asked how things were with him. He didn’t respond. I texted him again the next day, he texted me for a bit but it died off. He didn’t text me Saturday, and sunday I asked how his weekend was….10 hours later, he texted for a little bit, but it also died off. Clearly the guy isn’t into me anymore…or at least that’s what I’m totally sensing. I sensed something earlier that week. I just don’t understand what happened after that Monday night when he asked me to get food the next day. I have been going mental trying to figure this one out. I’ve been debating asking him at the end of the week, assuming he doesn’t text me at all, what happened.

Did he randomly just decide he wasn’t interested in me anymore? Is he playing hardcore hard to get? Does he perhaps feel like he’s falling for me but feels like because I just got out of a relationship that it’s not a good idea? I’ll obviously live if we don’t end up together as I never had expectation to begin with but I really need to know. He’s the one who turned it into a touchy-feely couple thing, I could have just kept it to sex :/ But he totally made it confusing and then bailed!

Please help me solve this one…Also, I’m 24, and he’s 21. He’s quite mature and is doing very well for himself. The age difference was never an issue.

Reply July 24, 2012, 12:53 am

Sandy

Guys are ass holes plain and simple. I can’t tell you how many times this happens. There’s no explanation and it leaves you wondering and wondering, not even like you car as you said, but bc you are so damn dumbfounded how things can just turn. You can always just leave it to “he’s just not that into me” because if he liked me he’d call/respond. Bc that’s what you do when you like someone, right? Nope, not for guys. They claim to care and they claim they don’t like girls who play games but yet they make us feel “desperate” and “clingy”. It just proves guys will always go for the bitches and the rest of us our screwed! I’ve learned to breathe, brush it off and stop analyzing what I did wrong because… Hey.. There will be another asshole next weekend, right? 🙂

Reply October 2, 2012, 3:35 am

Kitty

Going to make this short and sweet need advice ladies!

Basically this guy i used to see. its all messed up and confusing. I text him now and again but i don’t hear back so i decided to leave it. Then he randomly messages me asking how things are.
Should i reply? or give him a taste of his own medicine. Because i’m scared he will think i’m not interested but at the same time I’m sick of him saying “jump” and me saying “how high ?”

Reply July 23, 2012, 8:49 pm

Malon

You can, but whatever you do just play hard to get. Wait a while to text back, and if he asks to hang out just say you can get back to him when you’re free (cause you’re super busy) and then don’t get back to him 😉

Reply July 24, 2012, 12:58 am

MAWADH*

That it is the real all 🙁 i have a much friends and i feel sge dont care And i always say for them lets go to shopping and they say no ,one say: i am traveling on sat.day and one say :yaah me too i am traveling and one say: i want go to my grand mother and them always busy but i know shes not busy cuz i say them tweeting ON Twitter 24 hours i dont know i just feel she didint care And we be friend in 4 year and i am a girl my name is MAWADH from saudi arabia. And i am 14 years old :*

Reply July 11, 2012, 6:21 pm

Crystal

I just want to love someone….that is all. I don’t want to have to do anything for someone by a standard or a chase. Otherwise I will just be single the rest of my life and be happy about it. Whats the point in having a heart if you can’t use it. At some point, you will need me when your ill. Guess what? Your can’t play chase anymore..

Reply June 29, 2012, 3:10 am

Claire

Please can someone help me i’m driving myself mad with it all. I met a really lovely man over a month ago when on holiday in Ireland. He has texted me daily since getting home to England and the day i returned home he booked a ticket to come over here. His texts were so sweet and he was lovely and talked about me going there to see him. He came here the weekend just gone and got on really well and the day he got back i got a message saying he had a great weekend and a lovely time. Then the next night he was out with his friends watching football and he sent me a couple of texts when he was drunk, asking how i was then another calling me babe so he was still affectionate. That was the last i heard from him and its very strange indeed and out of character completely. I don’t know what to do as i don’t want to risk looking needy. My friends say as he was out drinking you don’t know if he has lost his phone or maybe feels rough. I really don’t know what to do and i’m trying not to obsess but i can’t sleep and just wish he’d text me

Reply June 21, 2012, 4:24 am

Ally

Honey,

This is a man thing, they retreat into their caves. I know its hard,but don’t contact him. Leave your phone at home, go out and enjoy yourself. He will come running back. Men dont respond to words they respond to no contact.

Reply July 8, 2012, 5:52 am

Grace

Ally’s advice is sound.

Reply July 12, 2012, 12:00 pm

ana hernandez

Well have knowing this guy for a long time. This past two months we have gone out to eat, last month we had our first date. Everything went well he presented me to his friends, we just hug but nothing else. I have been honest to him about my parents being strict with me, me being 21 and virgin. he have told he likes that about me, etc..last friday we had plans going out for dinner, then I text him on that day to see if our plans still going. he replys he forgot to tell me if we had a chance going on saturday. So, I said i will txt him if i can. he said why can’t i saturday. I txt back saying I couldnt because my dad is using my car cuz he doesnt have one.But if he liked i could go during the day or tell my cousin to drop me. he said okay. But ever txt me back seens then, is only have 3 days. Did i said something wrong or his not interested in me anyone or wat? help

Reply June 20, 2012, 11:55 am

Cherry London

Hi Sabrina Alexis ,
Love the email’s I looked forward to it everyday. I know i supposed to post in the forum have not figure it out yet. But hopefully i will when i am on vacation. I’m sending this email because i take in your guys advise like not chasing an all and suddenly i saw hope.For instance ,last Friday he sent an invite to go an event through facebook I ignored it then he sent another invite to like his page on face book so i like it this time around. But the weird thing is we had not communicated for nearly a year and all of a sudden he just popping up. Right after i like the page he message me saying …thanks for the support ,I was like no problem ..but i logged out of facebook . But when I wake up that morning I saw another message saying he trying a little something meaning he opening a business. I responded to that message eight hours later.Now am thinking why he did ? is he interested again ..did I push him away by how i responded …Arggh this feeling is painful I want him back but I not going and chase him down and send him another message like “Hi” . I feel like i needed an explanation or something .Did I do good by responding like that what should I do next sigh……
Thanks alot Sabrina and Eric ,

Reply June 19, 2012, 8:34 pm

Preslie

I’ve been talking to this guy that I’ve known for about a year now and we’ve kissed and stuff but we were never really serious. Usually when I do stuff with guys and they do stuff with me it’s usually a one time thing and I never talk to them again but for some reason we continue to talk. He just recently told me that he is curious about is being together and wants to try it out when he gets back in town from work in a week. He wanted to skyp with me last night and I agrees until that time came and he was never on skype. I asked what was wrong an hour later an he said he was stuck in a meeting but he still wanted to Skype later that night but he seemed a little upset when I told him I already made plans to go to the club with my friend. He said it was fine and I texted him that night after the club but he has not messaged me back 🙁 I’m really confused on how he goes from wanting to try out a relationship to not even talking to me. Help please.

Reply June 19, 2012, 1:01 am

meko

hi, me and my ex bf always on n off but recently we are chatting on whatApp
we spoke 3days on the 4th he dint talk to me eventhough i could see his status online
after 5days i text him saying hi hope your having a good night , just wanna let u know i was at the movies and you came to my mind am going out wd a frnd now chat to u soon . he replied saying thnx flower ,enjoy am at work . wht does it mean ? cuz if his at work n busy but still gaved me 1min from his time eventhough the past days he didnt talk?

Reply June 16, 2012, 2:32 pm

jlynn

heya iv got a question .. i met this really cute guy in a night club i gave him my number he text me and we arranged to meet up before we met up he would text me every cuple of days but then we went back to school and he stopped texting so i text him and goes are u still up for our date and he said yes deffo .. so we met up anyway and we kissed and made out a little ..he drove me home and said before i got out the car that it went well maybe we can do it again ..i said yes .. so he text 4 days later and we chatted about how well things went and that we we would do it again soon and he would leave it up to me about were we would go ..then he just stopped texting ..so i text him a week later and text back but he still didnt text me first so 2 wks later i text him again saying i was free dis wknd do u want to meet up ..no reply.. 7 days later i got a facebook msg saying he had just got his phone back he had no credit heed like to but he had grinds and a match so he couldnt and he suggested wat about next week .. so i replied saying ill see wat im doing ..and he didnt reply .. however i bumped into him in a club a week later for graduation and he danced with me all night we kissed for a bit he bought me a drink and sat down with me introduced me to his mates .. he spent most of his time with me instead of his friends and when we were going away i said so will we meet up soon and he said deffinatly ill have to drive in to see you soon and i said ok give me a text ..he still hasnt text me and its been a week and a half .. we have serioius exams coming up in few days though the biggest school exam ever so maybe hees busy with study ..please help xx

Reply June 3, 2012, 5:05 pm

Charlie

I’ve been dating a guy I met online for about 6-8 weeks. We live in different cities so we’ve only had 3 dates although each lasted about 8 hrs (spent all day together).

The 3rd was on Sunday (27th May). We had a really nice date. Spent most of the day in the park. He was more affectionate (kissing me constantly, holding my hand, hugging me, stroking my hair) than he’s ever been. The only issue was that he said from the 2nd date he wanted to sleep with me. On Sunday at his he asked when I was next up (I’m seeing friends in London this weekend) and that I could stay (for obvious reasons). I said I’d prefer to be exclusive with someone before sleeping with them. He felt that he needs to sleep with someone before becoming exclusive to see if there’s a connection. I said that I wasn’t prepared to be one of many girls he’s sleeping with but he said he would never sleep with more than one at once and would always be honest with me so would say if he met someone else. He could tell I was unsure so hugged me and said there was no rush/pressure and not to worry. He said this several times unprovoked. When he dropped me at the station he repeated it but said I should still visit so to let him know.

I let him know I was home safe and had a fun time. He replied saying he’d also had a nice time and commented on the length of the journey apologising. I said it wasn’t his fault just my lack of checking that transport was running normally and that I should hurry-up and move there (before we met the 1st time I’d said I was looking to move to London).

Thursday I text him in the day asking if he was about that evening to discuss plans and if he was still free. No answer. I thought he must be busy so I rang that night anyway. He didn’t pick up. Obviously I was crushed as he said he’d be honest. I thought about it all yesterday (31st May) so last night messaged him on the dating site saying I wasn’t sure if he got the text/call but I was free tomorrow (Sunday) and would stay (saying I wanted to spend time with him and not worry about catching trains). I know it was probably needy but I thought maybe he’d lost his phone. I still haven’t heard back. Please help. I don’t know what happened in those 3 days to make him change his mind.

Reply June 2, 2012, 7:26 am

Anonymous

Why should I? I do not know him. In so far, I do not want to meet a guy since today. I am really afraid to talk to any guy. Because I have had a bad experience.

Reply May 20, 2012, 9:24 pm

confused!

Not even sure if this is the right place to ask a question but i’m gonna try.
Long story short, I met this guy ,he pursued me. Texting like crazy every day about random things just getting to know each other.He seemed so into me and we really hit it off. We hung out and ended up sleeping together. He got kinda weird after that with short responses and me texting first. Then he kept asking to hang out again and finally I gave in. We hung out then went home together and he tried to hold my hand. We talked about why he got weird after and he said he thought I was being weird and because I left in the morning without saying bye. He said he wants to get to know me and see where things go.
That was Friday, today is Monday. I have texted him a couple times and he has not responded. What on earth is happening?

Reply May 14, 2012, 1:45 pm

Ina

my boyfriend doesnt text or calls me anymore which is obviously making me really upset. i texted him a lot the last few days but still without replies. i know i probably seem too clingly and needy but sine we are in a long distance relationship i kind have the need to talk to him everyday! whats the right behaviour and what shall i do to make him contact me more? oh and every time i call him he barely answers but when he does i ask him why didnt you contact me and i get really mad! soo how should i behave? thanku

Reply May 8, 2012, 2:23 am