I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 7 months now. I really love him and our relationship is really wonderful in a lot of ways. However, he hasn’t been that into having sex for about a month now. I’m always the one to initiate it and he usually gives me excuses, saying he’s tired or stressed and whatnot. When he does give in, he just doesn’t seem that into it.
I should mention that he recently got laid off and is obviously having a hard time with that.
I just don’t know, I mean, I thought guys were always supposed to be up for sex no matter what. Is he just not attracted to me anymore? I just feel like such an idiot every time my own boyfriend shuts me down. What’s going on here??
See our guy’s response after the jump!
In this case, I think it has a lot to do with him being laid off.
There’s a huge connection between a man’s sense of sexual desirability and his ability to be effective in the world. Let me flesh this out because I am being careful to not isolate it to jobs.
Generally speaking, the guy that feels the most sexually desirable and down for sex is also the guy that feels he has the world in his palm. Doesn’t mean he has a mega-salary and high-status job – I am just saying that when a guy feels like he’s got life under control in a way he thinks it should be, he’s going to be a lot more confident than a man who doesn’t feel that way.
Maybe it’s a shame thing too. I mean, when a guy gets laid off or fails at something that’s important to him, it will be hard for him not to be down on himself for at least a little while.
It’s a weird thing, but I’ve been in a loving relationship when my work started falling apart and I didn’t want anything to do with sex in the relationship. I was ashamed of where I was at the time and the last thing I wanted was to be loved since it would have felt more like pity (even if it wasn’t). What I really wanted was to land back on my feet and start conquering the world again.
Writing about this is a little weird for me because it’s really personal (and I am a private person in general), but I think it’s worthwhile for people to be frank about this sort of thing. I also think that the average guy could relate to what I’m talking about here – my guess is that it’s fairly universal.
I would say losing a job would knock the average guy down for a little while at least and if he’s very achievement-focused, it could have a longer lasting, deeper impact.
To touch upon what you said at the end – whether or not guys in general are always up for sex is an endless debate. What you’re talking about here isn’t “guys always being up for sex”; you’re talking about your own relationship and your guy.
Moreover, sexuality in relationships is a complex thing. I mean, to be blunt, guys have a whole spectrum of things they like that get them turned on. In some cases, dirty, demeaning, awful things.