Ask a Guy: Does the Guy I Work With Like Me? post image

Ask a Guy: Does the Guy I Work With Like Me?

There is a man I work with who’s behavior I can’t figure out. I didn’t realize it at first, but on several occasions he’s been staring at me when I’m out around the workplace.  When I’m in his vicinity in the cafeteria, I notice he dominates the conversation at his table. And  there have been a few occasions where he teased me a little bit.

What is the meaning of his behavior? Is he into me?

I think it’s pretty clear here that he likes you.  He’s attracted to you, but the workplace is a dangerous place for guys to… not be castrated.

When it comes to women in the workplace, the majority of men are hyper-sensitive to make sure that they don’t do something that could be construed by the woman (or any 3rd party) as sexual harassment.

We know that if a woman even accuses a guy of sexual harassment, he is basically branded as guilty before he can even tell his side of the story.  The scarlet letter of today’s office environment.But when it comes to attraction, we don’t get to choose who we’re attracted to.

We do have control over how we conduct ourselves, so if we’re attracted to a girl in the office, we usually sublimate it into a less direct approach to the woman.

Like you may notice him dominating lunchroom conversations when he’s around you because he wants to demonstrate his dominance.  Or his occasional teasing.  And as far as him staring at you goes, that is a sure-sign of him being attracted.

In a way, it kind of reminds me of being in elementary school on the playground.  Back then we didn’t want our friends to think we had cooties because we had a crush on a girl.  Now we’re more concerned about not having a sexual harassment lawsuit to deal with.

I hate to say it, but these are probably the best signs you are going to get from most guys in the workplace.  We’re asking for trouble when we make an overt pass at a woman at work.

And then of course there’s the whole “dating a woman” you work with scenario, where we fear for the worst if things don’t work out.  No guy wants to live the nightmare of having a woman scorned flipping out on him in front of his co-workers.

Bottom line – if you like him… if you even want to entertain the idea of pursuing something with your co-worker, you would do well if you gave him a HUGE flashing green light to let him know it would be OK to make a pass at you.  I’m talking a neon sign that would say you’re open to him making a pass at you.

In the context of the workplace, don’t blame men, blame our litigious, testosterone-fearing society.

On the other hand, if you don’t like him and he is attracted to you… no harm, no foul.  He’ll admire you from afar and that’s at least flattering, right?

Hope that helps,

eric charles

5 comments… add one

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“A guy wouldn’t want a scorned woman flipping out on him in front of his co-workers” well excuse me but scorned men are just as bad at work. One dude I turned down proceeded to spread disgusting (and sexually harassing) rumours about me to all our co?leagues. In another workplace another man I turned down proceeded to find fault with all my work and kept trying to tell the boss things to get me fired. In my last workplace, my boyfriend of seven years ended up getting a job there as well and I was his supervisor. He had a problem with that and it led to us breaking up 12 months later, where he deliberately did his best to not cooperate with me and disrupt the whole team, and when I confronted him about it he threatened to tell the boss things to get me fired. So the moral of the story is, don’t be an immature a***hole!! Maybe you boys should be more worried about your actions if the relationship doesn’t work out!!!

Reply August 23, 2015, 11:42 pm

Eric Charles

OK, but… your point?

I never understood it when someone who’s addressing an entirely female audience about a topic and then someone goes, “Yeah but men are just as bad!!!”

None of my writing is about men or women being “bad”. My articles are about where someone else might be coming from and why… Blaming or accusing doesn’t solve anything (though I don’t fault people for defaulting to this mode… it’s just about the only thing they do on TV now…)

Now, all that said… sure, you’re right that a man could be just as bad a woman when feeling hurt, emotional and “right” in their position. When someone is emotional, hurt and thinks that their mental position is “right”, they can act like a real a**hole whether male or female… sorry you had to deal with that, that sounds pretty terrible.

Reply August 24, 2015, 2:15 pm


wow iam only 17 and a guy does tht to me to but he keeps asking me if i like him and also doing them things to so mayb but dnt get ur hopes up

Reply April 20, 2012, 10:57 am


If the guy started to stare less or stare secretly in a strange way? As if he wants to prove the opposite ( like ok…don’t get carried away… I’m not into you). This makes me think as if he revenging or something. Maybe because I got carried away with the pull and push thing? I think I sent him a wrong signal (that Im not attracted). He used to come over my place and start conversations with me besides I used to catch him staring at me. But recently he started to act the opposite. He rarely visits and he just looks at me whenever he passes by. As if he’s acting cold in a way? What does that mean? Has he stopped liking me?

Reply May 25, 2011, 4:10 am


How do you give him a green light to make a pass at you? wouldn’t you just make a pass at him?

Reply June 29, 2010, 3:46 pm

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