There is a man I work with who’s behavior I can’t figure out. I didn’t realize it at first, but on several occasions he’s been staring at me when I’m out around the workplace. When I’m in his vicinity in the cafeteria, I notice he dominates the conversation at his table. And there have been a few occasions where he teased me a little bit.
What is the meaning of his behavior? Is he into me?
I think it’s pretty clear here that he likes you. He’s attracted to you, but the workplace is a dangerous place for guys to… not be castrated.
When it comes to women in the workplace, the majority of men are hyper-sensitive to make sure that they don’t do something that could be construed by the woman (or any 3rd party) as sexual harassment.
We know that if a woman even accuses a guy of sexual harassment, he is basically branded as guilty before he can even tell his side of the story. The scarlet letter of today’s office environment.But when it comes to attraction, we don’t get to choose who we’re attracted to.
We do have control over how we conduct ourselves, so if we’re attracted to a girl in the office, we usually sublimate it into a less direct approach to the woman.
Like you may notice him dominating lunchroom conversations when he’s around you because he wants to demonstrate his dominance. Or his occasional teasing. And as far as him staring at you goes, that is a sure-sign of him being attracted.
In a way, it kind of reminds me of being in elementary school on the playground. Back then we didn’t want our friends to think we had cooties because we had a crush on a girl. Now we’re more concerned about not having a sexual harassment lawsuit to deal with.
I hate to say it, but these are probably the best signs you are going to get from most guys in the workplace. We’re asking for trouble when we make an overt pass at a woman at work.
And then of course there’s the whole “dating a woman” you work with scenario, where we fear for the worst if things don’t work out. No guy wants to live the nightmare of having a woman scorned flipping out on him in front of his co-workers.
Bottom line – if you like him… if you even want to entertain the idea of pursuing something with your co-worker, you would do well if you gave him a HUGE flashing green light to let him know it would be OK to make a pass at you. I’m talking a neon sign that would say you’re open to him making a pass at you.
In the context of the workplace, don’t blame men, blame our litigious, testosterone-fearing society.
On the other hand, if you don’t like him and he is attracted to you… no harm, no foul. He’ll admire you from afar and that’s at least flattering, right?
Hope that helps,