he said he needed space

Hannah is right. I really thought this post sounded like it was written by a teenager at first.

You need to do some work on yourself. This guy is just a peripheral to your real issues. This really is just about you, but right now I don’t know that you see that.

Beth, I’m getting the impression that you know what you need to do and intend to do it, and are maybe just venting to us about how hard it is? If that’s the case, that’s great. Just let everyone know in your posts that you’re going to do what everyone’s told you to do but are just needing to vent.

This concerns me though:
“I would have just thought its been 2 weeks
he would have wanted to see me–we only get the weekends
I have not seen him since the weekend before thanksgiving
been so long”

You REALLY need to understand that he isn’t looking at it in the same way you are and he hasn’t a chance to even miss you. In his mind, you are at the very least on a break and that means that he doesn’t want to see you right now, period. It’s not that he has stopped caring, but that he’s doing what he needs to do for himself. You need to take care of YOURself.

Im trying to see it in his eyes but it is very hard

I’m sure you have gotten many people to urge you to allow him his space.
Which rightfully so I agree with the others.
Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot.
How would you feel if you asked for space and someone didn’t respect that boundary?
Right now he needs some time to think things through and actually miss you.
Give him that and no matter what happens in the long run its for the best.

This is going to come across as blunt and harsh, but:

I was once where you were, but about ten years ago. All the agony and uncertainty made me very sick physically and emotionally, and I can tell you you’re headed down that path right now. Please get out while you can. I take it you don’t have a ton of experience or have been damaged and are still not in a good place for a relationship.

What inspires the pure, unadulterated Beth and Beth alone? How do you spend your days when not pining for a man? Do you have a career? A good family/group of friends? Are there blogs you read? Books? Do you like to write? Go for walks? Go play with a dog?

If you haven’t already memorized his number, erase it from your phone. Assume it’s over because that makes moving on easier- hold your head high and walk away. You are not to contact him as torturous as it is. If he reaches out ever again, you’ll know who it is.

At least it’s the weekend. Do you live alone? Have a movie marathon. Read stupid celebrity gossip trash. Eat a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. Treat yourself. Anything. Regardless of how much you’ve messed this up, or how seemingly cruel he’s being, you deserve some YOU time. You are your own person; do you really want to build your entire identity around someone who couldn’t have been more clear in his desire to get rid of you? (I believe his words were “Don’t f*cking reach out again.”)

You’re too in-the-thick-of-it to think rationally; that we can tell. For now, focus on the weekend and mindless, fun, girly, pampering activities. When Monday rolls around, do something productive. Take it a second, minute, hour, day, week at a time.

I don’t belong to a gym
On the way home from work( I am a teacher ) I got
My nails done and got my xmas things together to go through
No one called me
Back
I live in Virginia

I agree
I am more upset then when my friend died(Diffetent) then my gma and gpa
Etc…
I can’t sleep/eat
The letter I wrote is 5 pages
I don’t intend him to see it
It feels like we are broken up
I work full time too but there are quiet moments and now I am home alone… I’m trying to stay busy but oops have to go potty then he pops in my head- I know that’s kinda weird but just trying to say my mind is really on him
I so so wanted to drive to the resturaunt but told myself no no no no no

Do you live anywhere near a city? Unless you live in a very small town with nothing around you, you should check out meetup.com. It’s a website that offers meetup groups for a TON of different interests…outdoor activities, dining, singles, women’s groups, etc. Check it out. The groups are free to join and while there may be a fee for some of the activities, it’s usually not too much. If you join a group you can see their calendar and register to attend some of the events. It might be a great way for you to meet people and keep busy.

I’m glad you got your nails done. A little pampering helps a bit. But Maria is right. If you don’t give him space, the break will turn into a break up. That may happen anyway, or it may not but as hard as it is, think of it as something you’re doing for yourself, for him and for the relationship.

Hang in there…

I think the desperate need to see him or speak to him is almost like an addiction and at the moment you’re going through withdrawal from him. Addictions are hard to overcome whether it’s drugs ,alcohol, nicotine or even chocolate. You always feel if you could just have ‘one more’ then you’ll feel fine. The problem is that ‘one more’ just sets you right back to square one and actually makes you feel worse. The pain of withdrawal is intense but everyday is a step closer to being free until one day you realise you can take it or leave it. If you can get through the initial cold turkey then things will get easier I promise. Every urge you resist makes you stronger. If things do work out with him and I hope they do then you have to remember that its perfectly fine to WANT him as long as you realise you don’t NEED him. Best wishes and stay strong

I have used meetup.com but never been to any events
I have signed up for some groups and get the emails about the meetings
Most my friends here are married
Have some other single friends from college but not in my area/state
I am thinking “what is he doing” could it be another girl?
Like this time we are usually alssep next to each other
I do want to fix it and it is weird to me that saying nothing is fixing it
That’s what i really need to drill in my head

I agree with rcs.

The verbal support here is great, but a meetup group isn’t going to fix this.

Hun, get yourself to a therapist or Doctor. You may need medication to help calm this anxiety and get you thinking more evenly again.

xyz…you are absolutely right. In fact, Beth said she made an appointment. In the meantime though, because her friends aren’t available, it might be a good idea to find something to keep her occupied.

But the anxiety does seem extreme and I would guess that a therapist or physician would recommend anti-anxiety medication.

but I have to think that doing nothing is also doing something