he said he needed space

This just really sucks
I know
Someone said “don’t say that” but I can’t help it

I’ve been re-reading this thread
I haven’t called or txted or emailed him
Which is really good for me
It’s tough ..
Anyone around?

You need to let him go.

You need to concentrate on yourself and move on… Then and only then you will start being the woman he might want to be around plus you will feel so relieved you might not want him back at all.

Delete his phone number, pictures and stop obsessing or you will never have a healthy relationship with anyone.

Be- I now it hurts and yes, sometimes it sucks! You seem so down and just keep posting words that are hurting you and keeping you down, “I miss him”, “it’s hard”, etc. Yes it is, but you can’t change that right now.

You know if you want any chance at all, you need to not contact him, pull up your big girl panties and distract yourself.

What are you going to do today? Please take the others advice and get out and do something, anything, even if you don’t want to. Force yourself to get out for a distraction please.

I haven’t contacted him

Hi Kate
Thanks for checking in
I haven’t called or txted or anything
But having a tough time
I wish he’d miss me… It really sucks you know
I’m trying so hard … So hard …
I

Sweetheart, that NEEDINESS is never, ever allow you to have a healthy relationship with anybody.

Have you ever tried going to therapy?

I’m really sorry you’re feeling like this but exactly that attitude is killing all your chances with this guy, I know you’re not calling or texting but this need to be in contact, to feel validated is what caused all the problem in the first place.

Beth,

It was 3 weeks for me before he contacted me, I thought I would not make it, but I did. I had a physical heart ache, some days I thought I won’t be able to get out of bed.

You are only on week ONE, I am sure he would contact you before Christmas.

I already said that before, but I don’t think you noticed, but do not rush to him once he contacts you. If he sees just how anxious you are he would pull away again. You need to play it light and cool, as if you start dating again and you are “baiting” him to chase you. Flirt lightly, and do not have sex, this is KEY, do not give him sex easily.

I am concerned about why are you still saying that doing nothing is weird. You reread the whole threat you said? But we told you why, many times, we told you that once you disappear from his life for some time, this is when he will first get his frustration out, and this can be 2 weeks, and then he will start missing you. And then he will start wondering why are you not chasing him and begging him to fix things.

Why is it still weird to you?

Stay strong, you are going to make it, we all did, and we all survived, and you are not broken up yet, so it is IMPERATIVE that you respect what he asked for.

Remember Kate’s analogy, every move on your part, anything at all, a FB like or anything, will make him step back towards the edge of the cliff.

I think that’s it too
I feel like nothing is ok – I want to know things are ok that he doesn’t hate me and we’ll see each other again
I guess it’s weird to me because I have never tried that tactic before
The cliff analogy is very visual I get it
But it’s still hard

I know. It is hard but you can get through it. Yes, the cliff analogy is excellent. Keep that at the forefront of your mind.

If you could think of one tiny thing, not related to him, that would make you feel better, what would it be?

I am trying to have some empathy
I just thought he’d miss me by now

Beth, the desperation is palpable. You won’t even allow yourself to focus on anything else.

This guy is truly not the issue. I can almost guarantee that even if he comes back he will not stay. Not because you are not good enough, but because you have made him your entire focus.

This is obsessive. It’s not good in any way.

This is all about your unhealthy mindsets and overwhelming need for outside validation.

I honestly believe it would be more beneficial if he doesn’t come back. Hear me out, because I don’t say this to be mean.

If he comes back I seriously doubt you will do the hard work needed on yourself. More likely you will revert back to what caused this. It’s almost a guarantee-because you won’t have fixed the cause, which is buried inside you.

You mentioned this behavior has permeated your other relationships. So it doesn’t sound like you looked at what behaviors you own, and needed to address/change.

I said it before, but I believe you can not be in any successful relationship with your current mindset.

You must detach from him and recognize the only relationship that matters right now is the one you have with yourself.

The fact that he yelled and used profanity (because you suffocated him) makes me believe he isn’t coming back anyway. Not that that was ok, but it highlights how wrong all of this is.

I dated a guy like you, once upon a time. He made me crazy. At month 2 I was already turned off by him. At month 3 I started to despise him. I only stayed that long because of pressure from friends and family, who hadn’t seen his insecure behavior yet. I never yelled or used bad language, but I ended it, and never had any desire to take him back. Honestly the break up was a huge relief. Once the attraction was gone (his needy behavior killed it), it was gone completely and for good.

For your own sanity you need to stop thinking about him and start focusing on you

I am glad you are going, but the only reason you should do it is for yourself.

Not for him or anyone else. Once you come to terms and deal with what is going on in your head, it will organically improve all of your interpersonal relationships.