Ask Me Anything – Sunday, December 13th @ 8 PM ET

Can a man REALLY love two women and be in long term relationships with both?

Met on an online website in March. Flew to see him in May where I met his family. We continued to talk and flirt all summer. He flew to see me and met my parents in August and I flew to see him in Septemrber and November. He’s told me it’s scary how long we’ve been talking and sharing with eachother that seems we’re going serious but he’s scared. Says he can’t commit to me because we’re so far away until I move like I have been wanting to for the past year. Even then he says it’s scary to think of one woman for the rest of his life even when he wants marriage and kids by the time he’s 35. I’ll be flying to see him this weekend but I realize he’s a commitment-phobe. My question is, after 9 months and us both being 29, are we boyfriend-girlfriend? Granted he calls me everyday after work but I can tell he’s beginning to withdrawal. Should I walk away until he grows up and stops being a commitment-phobe?

Hi Eric,

I’ve been following you for a while now and reading the articles you and Sabrina write. Super interesting stuff.

You mentioned a week or so ago that a good relationship stems from when a man has to win the woman over, she has to be the prize… well, I wholeheartedly agree. From my experience in the past, this is 100% true.

My only question about this is that what if you have ONE physical deformation. Are you still a prize? What if men don’t try to win you over at all. I have friends but no commitment, and I refuse to be in a relationship with someone I’m not interested in.

My ex boyfriends told me this deformaty has kept them from seeing me as the one, or long term potential.

I’ve given up on love. I’m sick of being in bad relationships where I’m not treated well.

Am I still a prize if no one wants me?

Thanks. I appreciate your feedback.

I met this guy recently, he chases me first and I found myself liking him. So we had our first last month, it went pretty well, he suggested to meet again, we even planned to go to Pragues, go ice-skating he was very sweet and protective.
He told me to give him a call when I wanted to drive because he’ll lend me his car to train me to get my driver’s license. So I did it, I called him, he told me “I’m free next sunday let’s do this”. But the problem is that, when the D-day arrives: no calls, no texts. It was exactly the same for our first date, he didn’t call me until I call or text, it is like he doesn’t care or doesn’t initiate anything until I do it. Even normally, he never texts or calls except if he needs an urgent answer.
I feel like I’m the only one making an effort when it comes to taking news but when we meet, when we are not at distance, he is the sweetest guy I ever met, planning things to do in the futur and all.. I’m confused. Is he into me or is he just using me to spend good time? Why is he planning things but don’t concretize them?

How can you get a guy to spend more time with you?

After 7 months of dating, should I have met his family by now? I’m asking because he spent Thanksgiving with them out of town. I didn’t go.

So I recently told my crush how I felt. A few days before when I had texted him he was only ngiving me one word answers to the text. My mom (who’s always right) said he was doing thus because I had gotten to clingy. Which I will admit atn first I wasn’t but I would text him first every few days or weeks but it wasn’t stupid stuff, I would ask him questions that work related mostly or I would ask for math help (which I did twice on two different occasions). Anyway about a day after I told him when we were at work he was distant and cold towards me, I can and can’t understand why. If there was anybody that was to be upset it was me since he didn’t respond to my text.
The day after things seemed pretty okay, but on Sunday he seemed nice. And I don’t mean like all smiles nice just that quiet silent nice like “I’m helping you but I’m acting like I’m not”. For example I was opening a pack of paper which I’ve always done by myself and he just ewalked over and opened it the easy way (which I didn’t know there was an easy way until he did it), then when I was looking for a mic for my walkie talkie he told me where it was, I kept missing where he was telling me it was so I just said never mind I’ll just use the walkie talkie without the mic, but then he went and grabbed the mic and gave it to me.
I’m really honestly truly trying to forget him and his jerk face, but why would he help me when I in no way asked for it or even suggested it? My mom said he was trying to compensate and be manly since I stood up to him when I finally told him my. Feelings is that true guy? Did he get intimidated by me standing up? Also is there a way to get a guy to chhase you again? He’s going to be working somewhere else so wouldit be a waste of time to get him to chase me again,he leaves where we work Friday and I don’t work until Friday but we go to the same school,even though we rarely see each other

Hi Eric and Sabrina,

My questions is more regarding the stages of dating.

There are so many articles out there that tell you: dont chase a man, let him initiate, dont text first, blah blah blah. While some of those stuff might be helpful at some extend, I feel as its very one transactional, very one directional. I am a type of woman who takes action and I am not passive. I am confident and competent, but I do choose wisely how I communicate certain things to people especially men. But that’s not to say that I don’t struggle. So i have a couple of general questions and how I should approach them.

1) How do you balance an independent and confident personality, without coming off as people like to label “needy”. I have 0 problem initiating smth or an activity with a date, instead of sitting back and letting him take control and course of the connection. Hell, id rather find out early than later if you are into this or not. Is this approach wrong? I value my time, and I feel like both parties need to sort of pass the ball back and forth instead of on person just sitting back and “acting like hard to get” while the other one pursues you. I think the concept of pursuing is right but what they teach us about it is utterly wrong. Please enlighten me.

2) This is more of a curious question and wanting to reflect, but how come in all of these dating and relationship websites, courses, you name it, women are taught so much on what they need to do to make a man want them, what they need to do to make a man view the ma certain way etc. Its always about women having to changes ways as if the guy’s standards are high to meet? When did this become so one sided? What are your thoughts on all of this? I think

Do guys change completely when they mature up? Can a toxic guy who manipulated me a few years ago become respectful?

I met this man about a year ago, & at the time he was in a relationship. He has since become single and so have I! He has frequently expressed interest in hooking up, and we talk often enough to stay in touch over FaceTime, texts etc. We are both successful, driven, attractive people (He, an NHL player, me, a candidate for Medical school). I had texted him several days ago to congratulate him on winning his game, he responded within half an hour and our conversation lasted for the next 2 days up until his next game. Our conversation ended with him saying he would text me once his game was over, and I wished him good luck. They won this game as well, and I received a snapchat from their dressing room celebrating. I replied asking where they were planning to go, and received no response. I know given his life style he is extremely busy, and I brushed it off as being excited and wanting to have some downtime. However, I still have not heard anything, and am wondering if I should contact him again. I don’t know who else he is interested in, but I can easily assume that he is a very attractive catch to many other women. How should I approach this? Thank you!

Eric, that REALLY helped me. That’s roughly what I thought, just wanted the male perspective. I learned from being here for the last year the right mindset so in the case I”m thinking of I got it spot on right. It’s all about the mindset.

Thanks so much.