While every guy has his quirks and preferences, when it comes down to it we aren’t that complicated. When we’re in a relationship, what we really want is respect, appreciation, admiration, and love.
Problems persist in relationships because guys have different ways of expressing these desires than women do. So how can a girl ensure she’s giving her guy what he needs so he’ll stick around for the long term?
Here’s a list of ten actions every woman needs to take in order to make sure her beau stays crazy about her.
1. Give Him Space
There’s a fine line between showing you care and being clingy. Guys love it when you pay attention to them and send them cute emoji text messages, but there are also times you need to back off with all the attention. Sometimes guys need alone time, time with friends, or time to pursue personal goals. Guys are all different with respect to how much space they need and when they need it, so it’s important for you to learn your guy’s preferences (and your guy should help you with this by making his preferences clear to you).
If a guy doesn’t text you or return your call for a few hours, or even a whole workday, it doesn’t mean he fell out of love with you. More than likely, your guy is working on something important that he wants to achieve specifically for you!
Whether he’s at the gym working on his physique, in the trenches getting a new business off the ground, or staying socially plugged in via business networking events or bonding with his boys from school, whatever he’s doing, he’s likely doing it with your benefit in mind.
We guys are notoriously bad at multitasking and we’re very goal-driven, so give us the benefit of the doubt when we need our space, and don’t take it personally when we only have the ability to focus on the immediate task at hand. If you give your guy the space he needs, he’ll have more energy when he’s with you and he won’t resent the time he spends with you.
2. Have His Back
While it’s true that men are traditionally the primary protectors in a relationship, nothing sends a message to a guy like standing up for him and defending him when the situation arises. Usually, these are non-physically threatening situations like social events.
For example, maybe you’re at a friend’s house and a group of guys and gals are making fun of your guy. Do you laugh at the cheap jokes, or do you defend him? There’s no action that demonstrates loyalty and commitment to a guy like a public show of support. If you defend your guy and show him that you’re emotionally there for him, it will increase his confidence and he will feel more emotionally attached to you. Additionally, the sense of security it gives him will make him commit even more to being there for you. Show your consideration for him, and your guy will be blown away by how appreciated he feels.
3. Believe in Him
When I was growing up, I, as well as all of my friends, thought we were going to play in the NFL someday. Unfortunately, that day never happened for any of us, but it drives the point home that guys inherently dream big. As boys grow into men, our dreams may change to those of a house with a white picket fence, but nonetheless we need your support.
When a guy opens up to you and reveals his deepest desires, recognize that he’s being intimate with you. When a guy tells you about his plans for the future, realize that he’s scared you’re going to laugh or think it’s a stupid idea. Guys are insecure, even though they rarely show it. Men these days are constantly being bombarded and pressured by society’s vision of who they should be, and there’s nothing that deflates a guy more than when his girl doesn’t believe in him.
A guy relies on you as his confidant. His co-conspirator. You are the one person he wants to share everything with. And if he doesn’t have your backing, whose does he have? Guys become emotionally healthy men when they are confident, when they feel they can achieve, and when they feel like they’re progressing towards a meaningful goal. And guys will never feel secure in their ability to live life to the fullest without your support.
4. Call Out His BS
Did I mention guys have dreams? Yes, and guys can have their heads in the clouds, too. Since guys think big, they’re liable to have an overinflated sense of self and ability. Very. But, you can help your guy by keeping his feet firmly on the ground. You may need to gently and tactfully pop his bubble from time to time and call him out on his BS when it’s flagrant or excessive.
Keep in mind that even if a guy doesn’t show it, he truly appreciates you when you do this. When you call your guy out on his BS, you save him time and energy on something he never should have attempted in the first place. In effect, you’re saving him from himself, and if he has the humility to recognize that, he will adore you for it.
5. Value His Opinion
Guys have opinions and they want to be heard. Guys want to feel as though they matter in this world, that their ideas are respected. Guys are programmed to need to feel respected in order to feel good about themselves.
When you show a guy that you value his opinion, he automatically thinks you respect him. If you nonchalantly dismiss his opinions as elementary or even worse, stupid, you’re going to crush him, and relationship problems will ensue. Now, I’m not saying don’t disagree with your guy – because you should when appropriate – just show him that at least in your eyes his thoughts, opinions, and emotions are valid and worthy of respect. When guys feel respected they feel valued, and the better a guy feels about himself the more energy and vitality he can bring to your relationship.
6. Keep Him On His Toes
Guys are biologically wired to constantly be on the hunt for new and exciting things, so they will naturally be more interested in you if you’re able to shake things up from time to time. And this doesn’t need to be anything complicated.
It can be as simple as surprising him with tickets to an event, or a small gift. Or, instead of him always coming to your place, why don’t you meet him at his apartment? What if you were mysteriously unavailable for a short amount of time and played a little hard to get?
When you shake things up with the guy you’re with, it demonstrates that you’re thinking about him and thinking about ways to satisfy him – both of which show him you care.
7. Compliment His Style
Guys have different styles. My friends from New York and Los Angeles wear skinny pants and Brooks Brothers, but my preference—being from Seattle—has always been a North Face jacket and jeans. Either way, all guys love it when they get compliments from their girl for making an effort to look good.
Yes, you can (and should) give fashion tips, but remember that a guy wants to maintain his identity, too. One of the ways he does this is by wearing comfortable clothes he likes. So, the next time your guy comes over to your place with a haircut, freshly shaved, wearing a new coat, tell him how good he looks. He’ll feel appreciated and he’ll want to return the favor.
8. Appreciate His Efforts
Sometimes logistics make relationships difficult.
If you’re with a guy who lives far away but travels to see you, or does anything that saves you time, money, or any sort of worry, make it known to him that you acknowledge and appreciate what he’s doing. In a city like New York, if your guy rides the subway an hour to see you, or is sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the way to pick you up, tell him how much it means to you that he’s spending so much time in transit to see you.
Another easy way to do this is to remember to say thank you for things like doors held open and restaurant checks taken care of—guys will notice. When you show appreciation for the guy you’re with, he’ll feel special in your eyes and will want to give even more to you.
9. Pay Attention to Him
When you’re out with your friends or in other social situations, don’t forget about your guy. He may be the type to work the room, or he may be on the introverted side. Either way, he wants you to be with him. It’s not that he can’t function on his own,