My boyfriend dumped me and says that he wants to stay single forever and wants to give up everything we had together. He said it’s his choice and told me not to bring it up again. I asked if we could still be good friends and he said yes. I asked him if he still loved me but he went offline.
I don’t know what to do because I really want him back. Is there a way to get him to give it a second chance? I have really strong feelings for him and just wish we could start over and make it work.
When a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship, he means it. Ironically, your best move is to move on.
“But I want him back!!!” you cry.
I know. But all that’s going to do is make you want to chase him and in response, will cause him to run faster and further away. If you instead turn your attentions to your own life, you’ll be far better off.
Right now you feel like your missing a part of yourself. You feel incomplete. You feel emotionally ripped apart. It’s time to rebuild. Any man, whether it’s your ex or a new guy, wants to be with a woman who is confident, happy and fulfilled in her own life as it is.
At the moment, I don’t feel like you possess any of those three things.
You need to build a firm foundation for yourself – you need to become a better, stronger, more fulfilled version of yourself.
Before you can have a relationship with him or anyone else, you need to:
a) Love yourself
b) Love your life
c) Feel completely full and content within your own life, with or without a relationship with a man
Once you are truly at that point, you are ready to be in a relationship. You’ll be happy and feel “whole”.
Moreover, when a guy leaves you and you go chasing after him, he knows that he can have you when he wants you. He knows that if he tries to pursue some new girl and fails, he can have you back in a heartbeat.
Meanwhile, you’re an emotional wreck who will eagerly take him back because instead of getting yourself together, you think that having him will restore your happiness and fulfillment with life. Not only is this not the case, but it also completely undermines your ability to be happy in the meantime.
The solution: Once you have a solid foundation (you love your life, love yourself and feel completely fulfilled), you would do best to start meeting and dating new men.
One of two things will happen. Either your ex will swoop in and do everything he can to win you back… or… he won’t and you will end up with a new guy whose a better match for you. Either way it’s a win-win.
I would highly encourage you to take that route. I can guarantee that if you go chasing your ex, you will not only chase him away, but you will land yourself more deeply into emotional despair.
I know this is tough. We’ve all been there – heartbreak is part of the game of love.
And be sure to take our super accurate quiz: “Can I Get my Ex Back Or Is he Gone Forever?”
Hope that helps,