I am completely confused. I met this guy at an event at my school. We talked for a while and it was a really great, fun conversation. I instantly started to crush on him. I couldn’t help myself. His buddies were leaving and we exchanged numbers.
He mentioned that he was having a party next weekend and that I should definitely come. He said he would call and give me the details, but he never did! I thought he liked me, he definitely seemed like he did.
What happened? Why did he say he would call then not call me?
There are a lot of times where I’ll meet a girl and have a long, fun conversation, then exchange numbers. It’s kind of funny, I almost feel like I’m “snubbing” the girl if we don’t do a number-exchange.
After about a day or two, the memory of the conversation, the girl or even her name is completely erased from my memory. No disrespect to the girl, it’s just that the rest of my life distracted me and I never got around to following up.
There are times where guys get cold feet or doubt themselves. If you’re interested, sometimes it doesn’t hurt to make a call or send a text message his way to give it one last shot. Sabrina makes a great illustration of how she handled a guy who didn’t call back.
On the other hand, there are some things you can do to solidify the call back and make your impression more memorable.
1) Have him picture you hanging out together:
This is a great psychological trick.
When you’re talking with a guy that you’re digging, try to maneuver the conversation toward talking about things you two could do together. Most importantly, get him to picture you two doing whatever this thing is together…
I don’t care what it is: cooking, grocery shopping, rock climbing, playing Wii Tennis, etc. If he is able to picture the two of you having fun hanging out in the future, it is tremendously more likely to happen.
In a weird way, by having someone picture hanging out with you in the future and having fun, it makes them feel comfortable with the idea, like it’s already happened.
Obviously you need to be skillful in conversation in order to do this… just work it in naturally and gently. You don’t need to hammer the point in like some kind of creep.
2) Don’t be afraid to be challenging and/or tease a bit:
I don’t want to speak for all guys, but I can say the women that make the biggest impression on me are challenging in some way.
Sometimes they’re challenging through teasing a bit. Sometimes they’re challenging by not going along with everything I’m saying. Sometimes they’re challenging by calling me out on my BS.
When a woman is challenging in addition to being interesting and fun, that is an irresistible combination for me. Being challenging without any other quality is just plain annoying. But when you can mix in a little bit of challenge in addition to your normal charming disposition, you’ll find that a little push goes a long way.
3) Enjoy the conversation for what it is:
I know a lot of girls who have had one too many guys not call them back.
They end up developing a complex around it, saying things like, “All the guys I actually like never call me back” or, “Guys never call me, what am I doing to scare them away?”
So what is the poisonous ingredient that is spoiling an otherwise good conversation?
The answer is neediness!
If you go into a conversation fearing that a guy won’t do something that you want him to or act a certain way, you are bringing neediness into the interaction. That is, you need him to act a certain way to feel good about the interaction, otherwise you’ll feel terrible/worried/upset/sad/depressed/self-doubt/etc.
Neediness is one of those “vibes” that just repels people. Neediness from a guy is just as repulsive to a girl as neediness from a girl is to a guy. Neediness is bad news all around.
So what’s the solution?
Enjoy conversations for what they are. Have a great conversation, put your best self forward and if you like him, try to set the stage for a date.
But once you’ve done all that… that’s that. I’ve seen more women get into trouble over-analyzing and obsessing over details than you could imagine – my e-mail box is FULL of inquiries along these lines. I could “advise” until I’m blue in the face, but the better move would be for the girl to step back and chill out. Maybe do some yoga or meditate a bit, or distract yourself with friends… the thinking is the trap.
Anyway, that’s some food for thought.
Hope it helps,