I have read and heard countless times that guys prefer women with curves and more meat on their bones but I’m starting to wonder about that. I have some super skinny friends who are considered really hot and always get hit on and then there are celebs who are super skinny, like Olivia Wilde and Megan Fox (she supposedly has a 23 inch waist!), that are considered these huge sex symbols and are number 1 on every ‘hot list.’
Anyway, I would love to hear a guy’s take to find out what guys REALLY think about super skinny girls.
Oh boy… touchy subject.
I knew that sooner or later this question would come up and I would have to answer it. And, like everything else, I will answer it honestly without sugar-coating.
To start things off, I can tell you that one of the things that guys will talk about is who we think is a hot chick. I can also tell you that men have a wide range of what they consider to be an ideal weight and their “type” of woman. Some guys like skinny girls with no boobs and some guys don’t mind a little “thickness” as long as the girl is curvy with a big set protruding the front of her.
However, women are constantly dieting and exercising to make their bodies look ideal for men (and to be healthy too, of course). The good news for women out there is that the supposed ideal weight you’re aiming for might be significantly lower than what a man would consider ideal.
There was a study I read in college about body weight and attractiveness in women. They had hundreds of men look at pictures of women’s bodies and rate them according to which they found the most attractive. Then, hundreds of women looked at these same pictures and rated how they believed men would rate the picture.
What they found was that men prefer a woman that is 10-15 pounds heavier than what the women believed to be the ideal weight that men want. So it’s really important to realize that whatever a particular man prefers, he probably wants you to have a little more meat on your bones than you think he ideally wants. (This study and others can be found in The Evolution of Desire by David M Buss)
Now I am not saying go cancel your gym membership and eat a tub of ice cream on the couch. Weight means your entire body weight – muscle, organs, fat, water, etc. So weight-loss shouldn’t necessarily be anyone’s goal. Fat-loss should.
Being fit is sexy. Fit means that you have a low body fat percentage (for women, having a body fat percentage in the lower 20s is good). The problem is that a lot of women will go all-out on cardio and never do any weight lifting because they don’t want to get big muscles.
Believe me, you have to work to put on a lot of muscle. You would need to have the intention to put on muscle to put on enough muscle to appear abnormally muscle-y. So don’t fear putting on muscle – a little bit of muscle actually looks good on women.
Despite lower body fat % and the fact that some muscle on a woman is ideal, most women avoid it because muscle weighs more than fat. So even though the woman looks better, she steps on the scale, sees a number she doesn’t like and then gets discouraged.
It’s unfortunate that our culture is so weight-obsessed when the problem isn’t really weight itself, it’s fat.
And then there’s runway models. Runway models are nauseatingly skinny to the vast majority of men. Sure, clothes look good on a human-hangar, but to a guy that type of skinniness is sickening to look at and far from attractive.
While I’m on the subject, most of the female celebrities that pop up on tabloids for getting super skinny also look horrifying… looking like a starving creature doesn’t exactly turn most guys on. In terms of Megan Fox and her supposed 23 inch waist: I don’t know if that’s true, but you have to keep in mind waist size is only attractive in proportion with everything else.
For example if you took two girls with the same waist size, but one was 5″0 and one was 5″11, the tall girl would appear much “skinnier” because of the ratio of her waist-size to her height. Waist size is meaningless unless you take all of the other measurements into consideration (height, hips, shoulders, etc.)
It’s not about weight or waist size, it’s about ratios.
I should also mention that Kim Kardashian has a great body that many guys consider ideal, but she is not your stereotypical super skinny celebrity. And for the record, I thought Lindsay Lohan was hot (perfect) circa her Mean Girls era, but disgusting when she lost all that weight.
Another thing to consider is that there’s more to a man’s attraction than just how much you weigh or your body in general.
For example, I knew a girl in high school that was so concerned with her body image that she developed an eating disorder to the extreme.
Thing is, this girl had the worst attitude imaginable – just a nasty, mean-spirited, bitter girl. She never smiled and she was quick to put everyone and everything down. She was actually really good-looking to begin with (before the eating disorder), but nobody wanted anything to do with her because she was so unpleasant.
So before you go on some extreme diet, put your attitude on the scale. There’s nothing sexy about a nasty, sour personality. Plus, there are many studies that show men prefer women who are smart, easy going, not prone to depression and are confident in themselves (and their man as a mate) to be ideal partners.
To sum it up:
- Men prefer women with 10-15 lbs more weight than women think we want.
- Toned is ideal, not “skinny”.
- Don’t be afraid of weight. Having some muscle is good, but weighs more.
- Forget waist-size, learn about body-ratios.
- Your attitude and confidence go a long way in making you attractive.
- If you want other people to love the way you look, you need to make sure you love the way you look first.
- eric charles
Got a question? Send it to askaguy@anewmode.com and we’ll get you some answers! (Note: Please keep your questions short and concise- thanks!)
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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
I think you handled that EXCELLENTLY! and truthfully. We do need to love ourselves instead of expecting someone else to love us or our body for us. Every client I have has some issue with their body. Unfortunately most people look for reasons to suffer than rejoice.
Blessings!
It comes down to a choice. Love what is and work towards what you want. That’s what I am doing. Size 9 heading to a 6
Love and Beauty,
Auretha Callison, your Best Image Coach
Twitter as FunFashionFairy
Thank you Auretha, I appreciate your compliment. I completely agree with you – I don’t want to sound cliche, but you really do have to love yourself first if you want anyone else to. Same goes for body image.
I also want to thank you for your balanced approach to this sensitive issue. I really believe that we women make it harder on ourselves and each other than it has to be. It is sooo hard, but I’m trying to make a conscious effort to stop comparing myself to other women, and also to stop thinking about how THEY are comparing themselves to me.
And you’re right, my husband is way more into my newly buff muscles than the body I had back when I was borderline unhealthy-thin. A bit of muscle on a woman is hot!
Totally hot.
I don’t understand how describing ultra-thin girls as “disgusting” or “nauseating” is in any way helpful. It is certainly no better than applying these terms to the obese.
Well done, bravo. I am neither ultra thin, or over weight.
I know many guys/gals who have used the terms ” nauseating or disgusting” as a way to describe girls/women who were ultra thin, I would add Unhealthy looking too.
@Kathleen
You have a point there. Again, I held off on posting this article for a long time because I was reluctant to discuss the sensitive topic of women, a woman’s body and body image. It’s a touchy subject and I really tried my best to be respectful to everyone without sugarcoating the issues discussed.
There’s a difference between someone who aspired to be “sickly-looking-thin” versus someone who is naturally extremely skinny. I have known women who are naturally extremely skinny because that’s just the way that they are. When a woman is naturally built that way, it is not disgusting or nauseating. It’s just her body type.
So what’s the difference: Why is one type nauseating and one type fine? It’s because women who aspire to be “sickly-thin” end up starving their bodies of essential vitamins, minerals, fats and proteins to achieve that unnatural, unhealthy figure. They are depriving their bodies long term and it shows up on their body: bad hair, bad nails, dark circles under eyes, bad skin, etc. When a woman is just naturally built to be super skinny, she is just that way – she’s not that way due to deprivation, so her body is thin, but still healthy looking.
Still on average, the super thin body with no muscle tone is not ideal. Research has shown that a little extra body weight (preferably from added toned muscle) is closer to “ideal”.
@Pamela
Agreed. Within the context of what I described above, you’re comment backs up what I’m saying.
Hope that clarifies my message.
Part of my concern, I guess, on the matter is that it is now not PC, though many still do it, to apply the terms to the very heavy, and it does not matter whether the person is healthy and active, which would indicate it’s natural for that person, or sluggish and barely moving, which would indicate it’s a result of either unhealthy habits-OR medication, illness, etc.
But the thing is, illness and medication can cause the unhealthy, sickly-thin look, too. Yet it’s considered OK for many to label them all “anorexic”, call them names (as if anorexia nervosa is not also an illness which should be treated sensitively), and assume they have shallow motives for looking the way they do. It’s become OK to speculate that an ill-looking thin woman is just trying to be fashionable, and thus be insensitive toward her, as long as we later point out, after the fact, that we really meant that naturally thin women are all fine.
I am not naive enough to not understand there is a difference between naturally thin and sick.
I am just getting so tired of seeing women I think look healthy described with the words I mentioned. And I don’t mean celebs who may look sick in real life but have a healthy glow airbrushed on their pics. I mean catty remarks directed toward everyday women who are close to “ideal” weight, by other everyday women who in some cases are not much heavier than those they disparage.
If the message is that some people, especially women, will always be left out of what is deemed acceptable, and we just need to live with that, it’s been clarified most of my life by society. I don’t know why I was looking for anything different.
By the way, if it matters, most of my life I have had a BMI in the “anorexic” range, while eating more than many overweight women do, and yes, being generally healthy as I could be with some non-weight related conditions I don’t need to go into.
In recent years, after taking a few medications that tend to put weight on people, I have been everything from “normal” to the borderline of “obese”, then back down to “normal” when I discontinued one med.
Oh, by the way, as far as I know, Megan Fox has stated that she is 5′4″, and she looks to have fairly small frame, so a 23-inch waist is not unreasonable or unbelievable. I’m the same height, definitely small-framed, and have had approximately that same measurement most of my adult life. Not right now, but, hey.
You didn’t really mention frame size, I think in regards to measurements. I think you basically mean to when mentioning shoulders, but there’s more to body frame size than that.
I have a friend (approx same height) who really did have anorexia nervosa, and yes, she got all upset that even when she weighed say 10 pounds less than me, her waist never got smaller than mine, even though by the fact that her ribcage is larger, as are most of her other bones, it is doubtful it ever would. So, yes, there are so many factors in body measurements it’s mid-boggling to try to list them all, really.
Just wanted to mention that people have a natural reaction of attraction to aliveness, so no amount of PC or “sugar coating” can prevent us from being repelled by unhealthiness, no matter what words we use.
@Kathleen
I don’t disagree with your points, but we’re coming from two different places. And please understand that when I write this, I am coming from a place of appreciation for your comment and giving you my perspective. As I’ve said before, I don’t sugarcoat, but I do say what I say with love.
This article is speaking to aspirations of women. When I wrote this, I was thinking about all of the women that aspire to look anorexic (but currently are at an “attractive” weight) or that beat themselves up about putting on a little weight.
While it’s true that there are more causes to “sickly looking” thinness, you can’t tell me that Nicole Richie or Lindsay Lohan lost all that weight several years ago due to an illness. They made intentional lifestyle choices and flaunted their thinness. Nicole Richie allegedly even had a party invite that only allowed girls who weighed under 100 pounds to attend.
That’s the type of thing I am addressing. I am not here to change human nature: People sometimes jump to conclusions. People sometimes make remarks that are unwarranted. It’s not fair, it’s not nice, but it happens to everyone for any reason you can think of. It doesn’t matter… it is our personal responsibility to rise above snap-judgments that people who don’t know us make. Again, it does not matter.
Furthermore, I have no regard for political correctness. Political correctness is phony and hollow. It helps no one and I think it’s one of the biggest problems in our current society. So I don’t care if saying one thing is politically incorrect and another isn’t.
Society has had different ideas of what the ideal is, over time. A few hundred years ago, what we would currently consider obese was the ideal weight for a woman – that was the “fantasy” body. That was what was considered healthy at that time.
These days we are aware of the dangers of obesity and the value of fitness. In general, men and women consider what looks healthy to be what looks attractive.
I understand that you have had negative personal experiences around this subject and I can empathize with you. But at the same time, I am not going to sugarcoat what I’m saying or coddle you just because you found some of what I wrote upsetting. That’s not to be a jerk – it’s out of respect for you and my own integrity.
I don’t know if you can understand where I’m coming from on this, but I am hoping I’ve made where I’m coming from clear. If you don’t agree, we’ll just have to agree to disagree. Regardless, I appreciate your comments (I sincerely do) and I think you brought up some really good points and discussion.
Auretha
Agreed. As I often say, “It is what it is.”
Eric, maybe I’m not fully understanding your points, but I honestly don’t think you understood my points, either.
I’m sorry, but the article actually did come across to me as trying to coddle and pander to a certain type of woman, though I’m not sure exactly what type it would be.
I don’t think you can say I’m looking for coddling just because you weren’t clear with your intent.
I don’t think you’re a jerk. I think you were trying to not be too offensive to what you thought your audience would be, and were off a little. That’s what I think.
@Kathleen
OK, that’s your interpretation of the article. Nobody else commented that they interpreted that way. In fact, after your comments a couple of people reinforced my points. So while I do not agree that I was coddling or pandering to an imagined audience, I do write with an audience in mind. But again, I don’t sugarcoat because that’s harmful to our readers.
Don’t assume that just because you have a problem with this article that other people do. Worry about yourself – everyone else can take care of themselves, they don’t need you to do it. If they’re offended, they can post a comment just like you.
Again, I think we’ve said everything that needs to be said. You said your view, I said mine. I don’t have a problem with what you’ve said and I have nothing against you, but I just think we’re at a point where there’s not much more I can say on this.
Believe it or not, I am not that aggrieved.
OK, a little, but I was also having a bit of fun.
It is now clear that you are not having as much fun, so I will desist after this.
But let me say one more thing- don’t assume that because no one else expressed the opinions I have, no one else thinks them. People who feel they are in the minority opinion tend to be reluctant to express it.
omg this girl needs to let this go.
kathleen, nobody agrees with you. eric has been more than polite and patient with you, if it were me i would have told you to take a hike a long time ago. everyone knows that you weren’t having ‘a bit of fun’ with your comments. you were totally serious and being a whiny little brat because you didn’t like hearing eric tell you the truth.
thank you eric for spreading the gospel. and btw i am very fit, but i take care of myself. just because some girls have eating disorders and get offended doesn’t mean that eric should need to consider their feelings… like they’re not normal ppl anyway.
Ugh I agree! Just stop it with the pity party already! sorry if this seems a little mean, but the truth of the matter is, that girls who are really skinny sometimes do look sickly and disgusting, and a lot of times they are. If you’re one of those girls who is just naturally that way, that’s great! Congrats! Be proud of it and don’t take it so flipp’in personal.
As for this article, I loved it. I totally agree that we as women need to love ourselves and be positive about life, which is exactly what I try to do. I may not be perfectly thin, but I know I’m beautiful simply because that is how I feel. And I am not losing weight because I want to be disgustingly skinny, (Oops! Can i still say that?_) I am doing it so that I can keep feeling great and stay healthy.
It’s difficult to answer these kinds of questions… “what do you REALLY think?” without offending someone. Whenever you get into someones head you’re bound to be offended by something. If we asked any offended poster what they thought on a particular subject matter, their thoughts would most likely offend someone. However, it is nice to be told the truth even if it is offensive to some. I agree with you Eric. It’s important that when asked an open question that you honestly (and as gently as possible) answer it. And Eric I think you did just that.
I don’t know the secret to happiness but the secret to unhappiness is trying to please everyone. – Bill Cosby
On the subject of weight and men…
I have 3 brothers and many male friends and I find that men tend to look at one type of woman but tend to want to be with someone totally different. It’s been my experience that men will hangout with, date and have fun with the skinner women. But the woman they end up with are usually the ones with that extra 10-15 lbs you were talking about.
Healthier, happier and confident is always the way to go at any size, ladies!
RM
Thanks so much for your honest answer to such a difficult question. People need to understand that your just one guy answering this question. I think your awesome. That’s why I read your articles. To get a male’s point of view on things.