Ask a Guy: What Do Guys Really Think About Super Skinny Girls? post image

Ask a Guy: What Do Guys Really Think About Super Skinny Girls?


I have read and heard countless times that guys prefer women with curves and more meat on their bones but I’m starting to wonder about that. I have some super skinny friends who are considered really hot and always get hit on and then there are celebs who are super skinny, like Olivia Wilde and Megan Fox (she supposedly has a 23 inch waist!), that are considered these huge sex symbols and are number 1 on every ‘hot list.’

Anyway, I would love to hear a guy’s take to find out what guys REALLY think about super skinny girls.


Oh boy… touchy subject.

I knew that sooner or later this question would come up and I would have to answer it.  And, like everything else, I will answer it honestly without sugar-coating.

To start things off, I can tell you that one of the things that guys will talk about is who we think is a hot chick.  I can also tell you that men have a wide range of what they consider to be an ideal weight and their “type” of woman.  Some guys like skinny girls with no boobs and some guys don’t mind a little “thickness” as long as the girl is curvy with a big set protruding the front of her.

However, women are constantly dieting and exercising to make their bodies look ideal for men (and to be healthy too, of course).  The good news for women out there is that the supposed ideal weight you’re aiming for might be significantly lower than what a man would consider ideal.

There was a study I read in college about body weight and attractiveness in women.  They had hundreds of men look at pictures of women’s bodies and rate them according to which they found the most attractive.  Then, hundreds of women looked at these same pictures and rated how they believed men would rate the picture.

What they found was that men prefer a woman that is 10-15 pounds heavier than what the women believed to be the ideal weight that men want. So it’s really important to realize that whatever a particular man prefers, he probably wants you to have a little more meat on your bones than you think he ideally wants. (This study and others can be found in The Evolution of Desire by David M Buss)

Now I am not saying go cancel your gym membership and eat a tub of ice cream on the couch.  Weight means your entire body weight – muscle, organs, fat, water, etc.  So weight-loss shouldn’t necessarily be anyone’s goal.  Fat-loss should.

Being fit is sexy.  Fit means that you have a low body fat percentage (for women, having a body fat percentage in the lower 20s is good).  The problem is that a lot of women will go all-out on cardio and never do any weight lifting because they don’t want to get big muscles.

Believe me, you have to work to put on a lot of muscle.  You would need to have the intention to put on muscle to put on enough muscle to appear abnormally muscle-y.  So don’t fear putting on muscle – a little bit of muscle actually looks good on women.

Despite lower body fat % and the fact that some muscle on a woman is ideal, most women avoid it because muscle weighs more than fat.  So even though the woman looks better, she steps on the scale, sees a number she doesn’t like and then gets discouraged.

It’s unfortunate that our culture is so weight-obsessed when the problem isn’t really weight itself, it’s fat.

And then there’s runway models. For most men, runway models are way too skinny to be considered an ideal body type.  Yes, clothes look good on runway models, but aspiring to look like one is not only extreme, it’s also unnecessary.

(This is an added note: To the women who are naturally skinny like a runway model, there’s nothing wrong with that. My only point here is to women whose bodies don’t look like a runway model’s and feel they need to in order to get the best guy.)

While I’m on the subject, most of the female celebrities that pop up on tabloids for getting super skinny also look horrifying to me… looking like a starving creature doesn’t exactly turn most guys on.  In terms of Megan Fox and her supposed 23 inch waist:  I don’t know if that’s true, but you have to keep in mind waist size is only attractive in proportion with everything else.

For example if you took two girls with the same waist size, but one was 5″0 and one was 5″11, the tall girl would appear much “skinnier” because of the ratio of her waist-size to her height.  Waist size is meaningless unless you take all of the other measurements into consideration (height, hips, shoulders, etc.)

It’s not about weight or waist size, it’s about ratios.

(Again, that’s not a slam against women who are naturally very skinny. I’m talking here about unhealthy, eating-disorder induced weight loss – that gives women a sickly appearance that natural skinniness doesn’t have.)

I should also mention ... (continued - Click to keep reading Ask a Guy: What Do Guys Really Think About Super Skinny Girls?)

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Reyna Patterson

I am late, but I hope but comment won’t be minded…

The only answer should be that men all have their different preferences. This question is absolutely impossible to answer. Some men like bone thin women, some don’t. There is absolutely nothing wrong with men liking really skinny women, and there’s nothing wrong with men liking curvy women either! Preferences are not a crime!

Asking “do men like curvy women or skinny women” almost implies that all men like the same thing which is definitely not the case. Furthermore, it opens the door wide open for men and women alike to start glorifying one body-type while shaming another. For example, there may be a comment like…”F* skinny women, they’re gross. I only deal with the curvy ones”. Like being skinny is some sort of disease or something. There are plenty of women who aren’t starving themselves and eat like cows yet they are bone thin because of GENETICS. My aunt is a prime example. Even I am naturally small. I have never gained past 110 lbs ever and I will be 22 in a few months…I used to eat like a pig to gain weight because people made fun of me for something that was absolutely NATURAL.

And whoever said stop with the cardio and exercising and diets….if a woman (or man) is doing it just to impress someone else or fit into some hollywood stereotype, I agree. But at the same type, the best thing for anyone to do is to be HEALTHY. Eat clean, no matter your size, and exercise! A HEALTHY body looks wonderful on ANY size. Skinny, big boned, curvy whatever!

I’ll end with this. Men liking skinny women shouldn’t give a girl an incentive to starve herself, and a man liking curvy women shouldn’t give a girl an incentive to continue to eat fattening, greasy, unhealthy foods (if they do so) just because your weight is “acceptable.” It is ALL about health people. No matter your size. Wake up! Furthermore, please stop asking one man what men like! They can only speak from one perspective, yet more narrow-minded people’ll take it and run with it and take it as ALL men liking that one thing and all other body types are repulsive. Don’t care so much about other people’s opinions! BE YOU AND BE PROUD!!

Reply August 30, 2014, 1:19 am

Anna

I’m 5’1” and 95.7 Lbs… So, some guy from my school called me “a little bit, fat”, you know, I didn’t give a fuck about that… this concern about my weight, never “reach” my mind… I don’t want get “fit”… but it is up to each one, choose to be hurt by such comments, or continue being happy as you’re (unless you are in a critical situation). But, When my cousin, of 8 years old, came to my home, I’ve got so mad to those sick people, who dumps the idea: skinner is better… So, she, tried to skip all meals, then I went talk to her, she said: “Boys won’t see me if I don’t be skinny”, this little girl has 4’4” and 39.6 Lbs… wth is going on? this default is attacking even the children… at what time, when we were eight, we fussed with our weight? I know this has nothing to do with the topic, but we are so dissatisfied with our bodies and we value so much what others think, that even kids notice … we are the examples of them… what will happen to their childhood? They’ll turn the cruel judgemental genertation…

Reply July 29, 2014, 4:30 pm

Karl

Men have vastly different preferences. I can say that most of my male friends definitely prefer “curvy” girls where the optimum is situated somewhere in the neighborhood of Sofia Vergara. She is by no mean plus-sized as far as model’s go but on the other hand she is not rail thin.

I feel confident that my male associates like this because during guy talk I am not shy about they fact that I prefer a much skinnier girl. Lara Flynn Boyle at her thinnest was perfectly proportioned to my eye. Even in the privacy of the locker room other guys are vehement about reject that.

At the same time, however, I know some guys who have admitted getting of to serious Thinspo. That is a too boney for my tastes, but I am close enough that I don’t judge and they know it.

So, there is a huge range. Thus I believe guys who say that America Ferrara fits with their ideal, even though that is beyond what I could imagine being anywhere near mine.

Reply July 22, 2014, 1:38 am

Daniela

Woww! I love the blunt and honest article here Eric. The comments from others too! This is like a classroom dicussion without being in a classroom. It’s open and everyone is participating! I love this article. It’s true and to the point. It’s these kind of articles that help people when the need it! Thanks Eric for your powerful article!

Reply July 11, 2014, 8:05 pm

Alice

I am a naturally super skinny. I am 5′ 2″ and 95 lbs. People will say to me all the time that I need to eat so that I can gain some weight. These comments make me very angry, because I actually eat a lot. People need to get over the stereotype that all super skinny girls are starving themselves and don’t eat. There are some of us that do eat, but no matter how hard we try we cannot gain weight, and girls that are not like that need to stop being jealous of the ones of us who are, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. People need to learn that not all stereotypes are true. Just like not all overweight girls overeat and don’t eat healthy not all skinny girls don’t eat. We all have other much more important things to worry about than what the perfect size is, there is no perfect size. We all have different body shapes and the number on the scale can be healthy for someone and be overweight or underweight for someone else. We should worry about our health not the number on the scale.

Reply July 11, 2014, 12:31 am

Jason

I said to a mate the other day, do you remember when women were thin.. he laughed and said yeah, today’s generation of boys will never understand that. Young women today really don’t care about their weight, they have a vagina (like 3.5 billion others) and get confused that male attention = attractiveness, unfortunately it has nothing to do with that, they want pussy. Toned/thin is good, curvy is a nice word for fat. Curvy is like a guy who has no job, and toned is like an ambitious male. You wouldn’t find a lazy guy attractive… and we dont find a size 12+ attractive either.. unless were horny or desperate.. just being honest! Personality is number 1 to a woman.. but about third down the list for a male.

Reply July 10, 2014, 1:25 pm

Care

I thank you for your honesty, because your opinion seems to be shared by the majority of males. I agree that body proportions have alot to do with it, and know many girls who can carry more weight than me and still get plenty of positive feedback from men, but most women look better on the lower end of their healthy BMI unless very large boned. I am also dismayed by how many young girls are really overweight, was on Gold Coast at schoolies time recently and every single young girl was wearing a uniform of tiny denim shorts and top and really most of them shouldn’t have, so many were at least size 12 more like 14-16 which is really overweight at that age. At the same age I was 50 kilos at 5″7, at 30 I am now 54 kg at same height. It was really sad. It is not healthy to be so overweight, if anything the BMI is too generous, most women at BMI 23-25 are properly fat. I don’t think it’s okay to sanction being unhealthy because we don’t want to offend people’s ‘self esteem’, their self esteem will surely be worse when they are 30 and a size 18 and just cant lose the weight. I also find it funny that the author at the same time says women should be 15-20 pounds larger than they think they should be ( guess we have to know how skinny most women think they should be to really make any sense of that) but that they should also have a body fat percentage in the low 20′s which is very difficult to maintain unless you have a BMI at the lower end of the scale, or really have alot of muscle, for example a woman of 5″6 who wanted a body fat of low 20′s would be around 56 kg, which is a BMI of around 19 otherwise referred to as skinny. She would look pretty small and be a size 2-4.

Reply July 11, 2014, 2:30 am

Janice

Let’s be realistic here, how many non-ectomorphs are really that skinny aside from the runway models versus how many overweight/obese women are there in the developed world (I say developed world because less developed countries do have population that are in poverty and starving — not by choice)?

I hardly know any. Most “skinny” people I know are ectomorphs — they eat a lot and they do not have EDs. I do know a lot of overweight people who have bad eating habits — they know what food is healthy and what is not and yet they chug gallons of sodas and sweetened beverages.

From my observation, people who are trying to starve themselves to anorexia are usually not wanting to be like the models but rather they have “control issues”. They want to be under the ILLUSION that they are control and “disciplined” in today’s obesity epidemic. Most unnaturally skinny people are so perfectionists that they get anorexia/bulemia/orthorexia,[not ought of "emulating" celebrities] or drug addicts[Nicole Ritchie, Lindsay Lohan].

Reply July 9, 2014, 5:51 pm

Luke

This has always bothered me about women’s obsession with being skinny.
Women just need to understand the way men think a little more, and look at it from an evolutionary stand point.

Frail = burden, fat = burden, fit and toned = capable.

Whenever I see one of those women with skinny arms and legs with the elbows and knees bulging slightly, the emotion I’m filled with isn’t attraction, it’s worry, I worry that if she falls down she will break one of her arms or legs, I see her as a person requiring constant assistence, I don’t see her as capable or confident.

Reply April 29, 2014, 10:26 pm

Skinny Guy

As an average skinny guy (a cyclist, so very fit but little upper body muscle and even less body fat), I think most skinny women are unattractive. I prefer fuller women who don’t look as emaciated as I do LOL.

Christina Hendricks > Keira Knightley

Reply April 25, 2014, 1:02 pm

Alessandra Martellacci

Lol This explains my dating life. I find that a lot of slim men like rounded women.

Reply May 23, 2014, 7:35 am

Kate

This bothers me about girls too! STOP with all the cardio! STOP with all the starvation!
Doing weight lifting or calisthenics does incredibly awesome thing for the female body! In fact, studies are starting to find that heavy running everyday is BAD for the body! I personally do boxing or kick boxing for my cardio, which is every other day.

More muscle means more fat burning when at rest. Muscle burns fat!

And another thing is eat whole foods. The closer the food is to its original state, the healthier it is and more calories it takes your body to process it. That means an apple is healthier and burns more calories for the body to digest than apple sauce.

Do a lot more weight lighting, light cardio, and eat more whole foods and your body WILL change. It’s inevitable. Weight is a number. Go for size and fitness level instead.

Reply April 6, 2014, 12:04 pm

Care

Actually muscle does not burn that much more fat than fat does. The difference in a 120 lb woman is about an extra 100 cal per day, if that, for an extra 5 kg of muscle, which is quite a lot for that average woman’s body, so what you get are women that are fat,also getting muscly and then they look extra chunky and can’t fit into their jeans after spending 100 s of dollars on gym sessions. If you are not naturally skinny you need to do some form of cardio every day, running brisk walking whatever. That’s the truth.

Reply July 10, 2014, 9:50 pm

Helen

F@ck cardio, I lift weights and do callisthenics

Reply July 17, 2014, 4:11 pm

Vincent

Olivia Wilde and Megan Fox and not super skinny, they are average. I prefer girls that are very thin.

Reply March 13, 2014, 11:53 pm

jacquie

I have always been hit on SO much – i’m extremely curvy size 8-10 and i have to literally “beat them off with a stick” as well lol (as said by a previous poster). it is just a normal thing for me to get hit on several times a day so i dont buy into “theres one perfect size” baloney or that skinnier is better. I used to be a little bit heavier and actually got hit on even more. so there!

Reply February 17, 2014, 12:00 am

a random person

I am super skinny… always have been… managed to gain few kgs last year and even then I weighed 46 kgs only.. I hv again lost weight recently and am back at 41 kgs with a height of 5’7″ … I dont hv muscle definition… dont hav the energy to work out… recently diagnosed with hypeethyroid and Graves disease.. me being super skinny no muscle all making sense now after this… and now wen I go on medication, I hav chance of growing chubby… not sure what I want to look like anymore… or if guys look at me or not… all I want is my health n this disease to go away….i hav an idea guys look at me a goid deal but i m not interested anymore…there are more serious things in life than thinking about if men look at u admiringly or not…

Reply February 14, 2014, 1:35 pm

kryzanne

Being skinny or being fat doesn’t matter now days, what matter most is how you’re behaving towards other people. External appearance fades away, while inner beauty last forever.

Reply February 12, 2014, 9:14 pm

LIz

I’m naturally skinny, no matter what I do. I wouldn’t like to brag, but I’m getting just enough attention from men! had enough boyfriends, enough sex and so on. Some men simply prefer skinny women! And I perfectly understand that others prefer ones with more fat. Beauty is in proportions mostly, anyway. My problem is not with men, but with women who are so HATEFUL towards thin ones like me! “you should eat more, no one will want you, bla bla bla”, said women who barely had one date in their entire lives (really, it happened to me). Ladies, whether you are pleased with how you look or not, it’s never a good sign that you are so concerned and disapproving of how others look! It proves that you feel so down about your body that you’ve forced yourself to look at other women who are different than you instead of facing your own issues!

Reply January 29, 2014, 10:38 am

Eric Charles

Yeah, I’m not surprised. I’ve always been amazed at how cruel women are to one another… it’s so common that I’m amazed when I see two women who are actually truly friends with one another on a genuine level. It’s sad… but seems quite common.

Moreover, women seem to hate women (as a group) in general… except for when they’re swept up into a “hey ladies” type conversation, when they then talk about how much they hate men…

We all, as a society, would do better to own our own jealous / envy / insecurity and resolve it… versus spitting venom towards others in an effort to somehow feel better about themselves.

Stay strong, be kind and surround yourself with good people. And as best you can, ignore the hateful people… you’re not their problem, they are their own problem (a problem they don’t want to take responsibility for…)

Reply January 29, 2014, 12:53 pm

Janice

Personally, I don’t even like the word “skinny”. Sure, I’m a size 2, sometimes size 0 [depends on the brand] at 5 ft tall but I’m not skinny. Neither am I fat. I’ve been called “skinny” (more of as a description than an insult)

I think one problem is that people in the Western world have no clue how a “normal weight” healthy women would look like because 3/4 of the US population is overweight

It’s usually women who are harsher in figures when it comes to women. HOWEVER, it is the same for men. It’s usually men who taunt skinny or fat men. Just go to men’s BB forum and see how these people ridicule ectomorph men. But when men hate on women, it’s a lot more obnoxious than women hating on women.

Reply July 9, 2014, 5:58 pm

june

Ok I have heard all about young women and what guys like but what about women in their late 60′s say , surely this hour glass figure isn’t referred to them , and of course big firm breasts , I would like to hear what the elderly men think on this and do all the older men want younger women

Reply January 6, 2014, 4:41 am

Urbanwesterngilr

I like how you answered this question. I have a naturally high metabolism and am a skinny person so it’s nice to know and confirms what my ex thought about me, that to some men I am okay even though I have the opposite problem as most women and keeping weight on. I try my hardest, but its hard sometimes and this article makes me feel a little better about myself and your answer really was a great one to read.

Reply January 4, 2014, 3:41 pm

Kelly

Good response! It was very well thought out. I like how you didn’t bash naturally skinny girls like all the other articles I read did. It’s really offensive actually. I’m healthy and happen to have a very fast metabolism, it’s not my fault.

Reply December 24, 2013, 12:23 pm

Lulu

Ive been told by numerous men thet they prefer curvy girls as long as they are toned (eg no canteen lady arms ).
I was so thin in high school and i looked like a lolly pop there was no shape unless seen in a bikini. I went to the gym to get help to put on weight in a healthy way and i feel much more like a woman.
Everyone has their own idea of what is attractive.
I cant stand guys that go to the gym everyday with muscles pumping out in every direction. Such a turn off for me.

Reply December 23, 2013, 1:44 am

Diana

I’m in my 40s and I’ve been told point blank and have seen in real life that 125 at 5’6″ looks a lot better to a man than 145-150 does.
I bust my behind to be where I am and don’t know if I’ll ever meet that again.
I need to be with someone who works to be fit though, so I end up turning guys down who don’t work out. I’m sorry, guy, but I think you’re wrong and I’m SICK of being let go for a girl who looks better in a bathing suit.

Reply December 18, 2013, 11:25 pm

Jssny30

I don’t know, men always say they prefer curved, but I was stick thin in my early 20s, I still had a 36b bra size but I was about 105-110 lbs at 5’4″ and wore a size 0-2 pants. I’m not being arrogant but I couldn’t beat the men off with a stick. Now at 30, I’m somewhere around 130 lbs. wearing a size 4-6 I don’t attract nearly as much attention and I don’t think it’s aging because nobody can believe I’m 30, most people guess 25 or so. I think men were much more attracted to me when I was thinner, even though I think I was way too thin (in fact I drank ensure shakes to try and gain back then)! I even had a male friend of mine comment that when I was “skinnier” I had “the hottest body he’d ever seen”. I look at pics of myself from back then now and I think I looked like a stick with boobs! Honestly if I could lose 5 lbs and keep my weight around 125 I’d be happy, I don’t think most men seem to agree, in my experience, anyway…

Reply December 18, 2013, 2:56 am

DaZhane

Sweetheart, altering your body to get a man’s attention is not healthy. Emotionally. Do you see them talking about how they need to gain or lose anything to get women. NO!!!! So, why should women do this to themselves I wish they wouldn’t and love their bodies. I feel the way YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR BODY is the key answer. Maybe back then you appeared more happy. No one can LOVE YOUR BODY IF YOU DON’T LOVE IT FIRST :)

Reply December 18, 2013, 6:40 am

Ana Pico

I think a guy will also b attractive to how u see yourself if u c yourself as a confident lady and you seem happy with yourself then he wnt c many faults either guys like a confident woman. Losing weight…. if u r unhappy with yourself and u lack confidence then by all means DO WAT U FEEL IS RIGHT FOR U but remember do it for yourself not some1 else because a guy that truelly likes u they will like u for who u r and how u look otherwise he wouldnt of shown any interest. Be happy regardless as there will always b ppl with opinions and will try to put u down regardless of how much u weigh and what u look like. Keep smiling and show every1 your happy with yourself like I said men love confidence! Much love xx

Reply November 20, 2013, 4:47 am

DaZhane

I loved it!!!!!! And Thanks for being honest :)

Reply November 1, 2013, 8:57 am

ann

I have celiac disease didn’t know it in my growth years. My bones never grew properly during puberty so I appear skinny. What’s a poor girl to do.

Reply November 9, 2013, 10:39 am

SuziQ

I have not been skinny in years. As a matter of fact, after my twins, I gained weight that I have not been able to get rid of. I eat right and I exercise and do my very best to be healthy. I still have many men find me attractive and pursue me. My fatal charm? I am myself! I can laugh at my faults, know my quirks, and embrace the complex silly creature that I am. I laugh a lot and dont sweat the small stuff. I am not afraid to show my vulnerability or feminine side and I just leave my heart open for love… :)

Reply September 27, 2013, 7:26 am

Monica

You have really touched this subject excellently and honestly. I believe what you said about guys having different tastes because I asked some of my guy friends about it and they said there are different guys with different tastes, some like women who are skinny, some middle-sized women and some overweight women. My point is if a guy approaches you in the size, shape you are in know that you are the type of woman he wants to be with and you don’t have to change yourself for him or anybody because you are perfect just the way you are unless he wouldn’t be with YOU if you weren’t.

I am a volleyball player and I like to keep myself fit and healthy and guys approach me. I don’t starve myself to be super skinny or become fat just to please him. If he wants a different body size then he go to bounce. DON’T CHANGE YOURSELF FOR A GUY, BE REAL, BE WHO YOU ARE AND OPTIMIZE YOUR LOOK,NOT SIZE AND EMBRACE YOUR FEMININITY.

Reply August 30, 2013, 3:54 am

Georgina

Thank you Charles,
I enjoyed the article, and like many other women I don’t understand why some women were offended. You know what they say though “you can’t please everyone” I’m a 5’3 105 lbs woman, and have always been, work out (not obsessibly) but watch what I eat, and don’t worry about what others think. I love my myself, and that’s all that matters. Women can be nasty at times with overweight women, and with women that are fit. I think it’s true men like curvy women proportionate to their height, and weight. Your answer is spot on!

Reply August 25, 2013, 1:27 am

matt

I use to be inlove with a skinny girl I never want to tell her that she was too skinny cause I was afraid to hurt her feeling I cheated on her many times I would do the same if the woman was fat. she needs to have a body like kim kardashian

Reply August 11, 2013, 4:25 pm

jenny

you were afraid to hurt her feelings but you cheated on her and you would do it again? hear is some advice if you want a girl who has a body like kim kardashian then date someone who looks like her its fairly simple and it is childish to justify you cheating on another person you CHOSE to date just saying…

Reply August 23, 2013, 9:27 am

jenny

if you have a healthy Body Mass Index who cares people are always going to talk crap your to skinny eat more cheeseburgers your to fat stop eating! if your healthy then your fine who cares about what other people say there stupid if your not healthy then do what you can to get there talk to your doctor ect being unhealthy is not good period there’s always going to be a guy that is going to love you for you not the size jeans you wear that’s just my opinion……..

Reply July 28, 2013, 7:24 pm

Taylor

I think different men like different types of women. I am a naturally skinny women who always had no problem with men. I have always wanted to gain weight just because where I come from its ideal to be thicker. My current boyfriend loves my body & I’ve grown to be more comfortable because of it. Still trying to gain that 10-15 pounds which we make me more happy but to me be happy with the way you are. Work towards healthy goals. Not all men want the same thing.

Reply July 22, 2013, 12:22 pm

Jennifer

I’m also one of those women who’s been skinny her entire life. I’m 29, 5’4″, just under 100lbs. I don’t know the exact number because I don’t own a scale and only started thinking about my weight recently. I didn’t really exercise throughout my twenties but is now trying to pick up the habit to stay healthy as I get older. I’m also drinking ensure with every meal in order to gain weight. Do you have any advice for women like me who are just naturally thin?

Reply November 15, 2013, 10:03 am

Marg

Hey Jennifer,

I do actually have some advice for you and if you wish to contact me directly you may do so by emailing me at ItsMarg@hotmail.com

The first thing you, or anyone, needs to address is why they are the weight they are. It’s important to understand things like how your motabolizm works and things like how and what your body absorbs. One thing that many people don’t know is that unless we use supplements that contain enzymes that help our bodies absorb proper proteins we only absorb a maximum of 10grams of protein per hour, therefore if you’re drinking ensure with every meal which may actually have let’s say 30-40 grams of protein total between the drink and food you’re actually wasting at least 30 grams of protein!

Also, how you personally absorb calories and different types of fats is important for you to find out. Methods of finding things like this include visiting an endocronologist, nutritionalist, or even a well experienced personal trainer who specializes in thin people gaining weight vs loosing weight.

I don’t know specifically how your body works, but each of us are completely different. No two people have the same ideal diet. I am not in any way an expert, however I have mastered learning my own body, how my motabolism works, what products to use to retain high levels of protein, how many calories I need daily, how to get those calories to stick to me, which fats are good for me, which fats are bad for me, the core foods and amouts of such that I should eat daily and of course the types of exercizing I should be doing.

So far, although it took me a really long time, I’m doing pretty well. I have yet to reach my target weight of 110lbs but I went from being someone who despite eating all day and only weighing in at the mid 80s to currently being a solid, consistant 98lbs. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but I worked hard for those pounds and today every pound get’s easier and easier to put on. You just have to know your body and how it works.

Shoot me an email and we can talk more about how I did it and what I learned about myself. Maybe that could help.

–Marg
ItsMarg@Hotmail.com

Reply November 16, 2013, 2:52 am

MVP

take in more protein
take in more carbs
try doing heavy weight lifting…muscle weighs more than fat
:)

Reply December 3, 2013, 8:36 pm

Maria

I think that this was well written. I have to say that in most of my experiences guys I’ve dated and guys that I have been friends with like a girl that is fit and toned. But what I want to stress is that when a woman has fully accepted her body as her’s she will attract men that will like her body. If she has the desire to change her body because she wants to the change is more likely to stick. Women come in all shapes and sizes. I personally have never been super skinny. The lightest I’ve weighted as an adult women in my early 20′s was 125. The heaviest I have been is 168. Mind you I am 5’2. So I have learned a lot about myself throught this journey of body image that has happened in we will say the past 10 years. I have just now come to a place of acceptance of what I would like to be. Yes men may inspire me to get fit but ultimately I am doing it for me because I want to feel good about myself.

Reply June 5, 2013, 12:16 am

Georgina

Good for you Maria!

Reply November 10, 2013, 1:36 am

Michelle

What does a guy mean when he says that he is “turned off by the situation” ? Does that mean he is not interested in me any more or is a temporary issue ….
will things become better ? or should I not keep my hopes up.
We are not communicating anymore since this issue happened. I sent him a text after 2 weeks saying ” Hey sranger, how are you” and he came back after 2 hours saying ” Hello stranger :-) I am good. How are you ?”

Reply May 30, 2013, 10:57 pm

J

Actions are louder than words. Evaluate his behavior objectively.

Reply December 5, 2013, 11:55 am

Dan

I think women have it too easy to not bother, or stay plump these days. Stores move the dress sizes up a click to accommodate the masses and make them feel better about themselves when they fit into a smaller size. There are herds more plus size women about now than there used to be too, making it seem more acceptable to be a fatty. The strain on health services is overwhelming with obesity caused Illnesses. The only way this world will not end up eating itself is if there are laws brought in to limit the size a person can be.
I have no love for greed, and thats all it is. A healthy weight is whats acceptable, not fat, not unhealthily thin. Curves yes, rolls no, back in the day you didn’t see Marylin worrying too much and she looked amazing, she didn’t strive to be so thin she had to run around in a shower to get wet! It’s Idiocracy that has got us where we are today, the simple sheep, or the suckers, followers of fashion. You can never change that and it will never change, there will always be simple people. I have no time or respect for fat women, just stop it! You silly people, and the real skinny ill looking ones too, stop it you idiots! Look normal, just normal is nice, nobody likes an extremist. . . . that is all.

Reply May 26, 2013, 1:04 pm

Tara

I feel like a skeletor! Seriously I clocked in at 2% body fat (5’3″ and 97 lbs) my boyfriend even says he isn’t really that attracted to me – he thinks I may break and I have a teenage boy body except with boobs. I am not trying to be thin, I am just stressed and have a hyperactive metabolism! Is this body-type repulsive to all men?

Reply April 19, 2013, 3:58 am

Elizabeth

Tara, your boyfriend is ridiculous. I am exactly the same height and weight as you, and I have found plenty of men who are attracted to me. Please don’t let your boyfriend affect your confidence. Women come in all shapes and sizes and you and I just happen to be really small and there is NOTHING wrong with that. If he doesn’t find you attractive, go find someone else who will, because there are lots of men out there who I’m sure would love to be with you.

Reply May 17, 2013, 4:39 pm

Taylor

No! I am 5’3″ 90 pounds. Also a high metabolism. My boyfriend has no problem & always compliments my body. I have a goal to gain weight but if its gradual I don’t mind bc he liked the way I am . You might want to reconsider who you are dating.

Reply July 22, 2013, 12:27 pm

melanie minuth

Eric, not bad…i appreciate how you touched on all points and also reiterated fitness health with a particular emphasis on fat loss vs. weight loss…dig it

Reply April 3, 2013, 8:45 am

Sara

Who cares what men like or think? Seriously I am more concerned about trying to find one I like romantically so I can date him. Most guys will bang anything, skinny or fat. If they’re judging you so harshly on your appearence they must be too shallow to appreciate your sparkling personality. Who’d want an idiot like that anyway? Women are the ones who should be picky. Cuz we’re the ones who are gonna have to take care of their ass for 50 years and clean up after them, cook for them, basically be their mom. Eric Charles, get off your soapbox with this crap. I like your self-help posts, but these “what do men want” posts are not productive to the equality of the sexes. It sends the wrong message.

Reply February 19, 2013, 1:46 am

Christine

Thanks for your comment I needed to read that.

Reply April 15, 2013, 5:20 pm

Guinevere Grimley

Actually I think expecting women to cook and clean after a guy does significantly less for sexual equality. Having an opinion on what is healthy for a woman is not sexist simply because it comes from a guy. Don’t mistake a difference of opinion with a morally wrong one.

Reply April 16, 2013, 1:27 am

cate

This post is a bit old now and probably closed but Im gonna go ahead and contribute anyway. I have to say I think this is not true. That western men like women who are 10-15 lbs heavier than most women would think or that men like fit, curvy women. I know from my own experience of being several different weights that men like very slim women the best. Certainly Australian men do. I am currently 5’7 and weigh 123 lbs with 19% body fat, at my skinniest I was 114 lbs with body fat prob around 16% maybe lower, I was a size 0 back then but am now a 2-4. I get plenty of male attention but NOTHING compared to what it was like when I was super slim, and I mean model slim not anorexic, but still much leaner that I could normally carry off, even with exercise. I was quite shocked. I was at this weight due to being depressed and didnt like my body that skinny. But men did. I have never been so ogled, yelled at from cars, approached in bars and stared at, called stunning as much as then. Even my husband liked it better. Western men who say they dont like very slim (Im not talking anorexic but model thin) women are just lying. Men are conditioned through the current culture to like women who look like models, and that means very slim. We are all lemmings in one way or another and cultural conditioning is a powerful force.

Reply February 15, 2013, 8:25 pm

Can't tell if Serious

You can’t be serious. 5’7 at 114 at 16% body fat, those stats are pathetic and yet you say you were leaner than you could normally carry on with even with exercise? First of all, you weren’t at all lean, you were just skinny – which isn’t hard to achieve. Do you even know how easy it would be to maintain that body fat at that weight at your height? Extremely easy, do you want to know why? Because you had no muscle, in fact you could have almost just as easily lowered your body fat by gaining just a little more muscle. Those stats you gave put you at a FFMI of 15.1 which is horrible. If you can’t even maintain that than you need to educate yourself more on proper exercise and nutrition.

Also, no we’re not lying when we say we don’t like skinny women or women with such pathetically low FFMI’s like yourself. Just because a few guys gave you a lot more attention than you’re used to doesn’t mean all or even relatively close to a a lot of men are going to like your skinny look. It’s called having a fetish, some guys like that extreme you had others like the other end of the spectrum. You would have got just as much attention, perhaps even more had you been a fat whale because just as many guys are chubby chasers who have a fat fetish. You were not ideal so stop being delusional.

Reply May 21, 2013, 8:19 pm

cate

What a load of bullshit, I love it when men try to train women and make them look like men. At that weight I actually had very good muscle definition even though I didn’t like being that skinny and if I had extra muscle would just have looked more muscly not more curvy. You don’t know what other men like so stop talking crap. This is my observed experience and no it was not a few men it was ALOT of men everywhere I went, every single day, which is, by the way, the lived experience of any woman who falls into a ‘model-type’ look for the reasons I have stated above. And I have been fat, when I was 17 and had a medical condition, for 6 months I was overweight-I was almost totally ignored by men then when I lost the weight, was suddenly not. I have also been much more muscly with a much higher FFMI-and still received much more attention at the above stated weight. FFMI doesn’t mean crap to men when it comes to women, I don’t know a single man that wants a woman with very good muscle definition ffs, this is what WOMEN want from MEN! And by the way who is *we*, I was addressing my comment to the author of the article who speaks for himself and not all men. The tone of your reply is pathetic, get f%#ed man, no one asked you to come on here and start offering your crappy, googled advice.

Reply May 22, 2013, 5:12 am

shifa

actualy he was very careless wen we’re in a relationship, he was telling tht was his style, he dont like to call much, n its not important to meet evryday, it will take 2 or 3 days while he was not calling me n once a month we met.. withn 5 months we met only 3 days :( .. but i tolerated tht. becox i want him alot n i want to spend my whole life with him..
most of the time he is spending wth his friends, he never introducs me any of his frnd n his family member,
one night call him twise n twise bt he didt respond my phone calls.. n aftr tht i sent him a text ” if u dont want to talk to me just tell me, if u want to breakup also tell me, am ready for it ” but i was not.. i jst want to him to reply my sms or call me.. but he replied me ” now its over, dont call me to find the reason ” :’( at tht nyt i sent lots of sms. i begged him.. bt no response from him.. i was crying tht whole nyt.. n for two days i didnt call him or text him.. after two days i call him.. n he answrd my phone call.. he said he hav somthn of mine n he want to giv it to me.. i said i dont want to tht i want him.. but he ignored me.. he said the decision was good for both of us.. he dont love me.. its bettr me to move on my life.. i told him i will wait my whole life for him.. i will never get maarryd.. i will marry only him..
aftr tht every nyt i did call him n hee answer my phone calls, but he said he will never change his mind.. i begd him..
n now its being two days no response from him..
do you think he will come back to me.???
inside its killin me.. :( plz plz help me.. how do get him back plz tell me

Reply January 24, 2013, 11:19 pm

Can't tell if Serious

You have to move on. I know it’s probably hard for you but this guy just isn’t interested and he sounds like he doesn’t care a whole lot about your feelings. Be rational, logical and practical. You have to understand he’s not a good guy. If he were to take you back, it would be for the wrong reasons and he would just end up more than likely hurting you again. I cannot stress this enough, you have to get over this guy and find someone else, someone who’s better for you. I know I’m just a stranger but you have to trust me when I say you and him just will not work. I’m not a relationship expert but I like to think I’m just an intuitive man who knows a thing or two about people and the world.

Good luck.

Reply May 21, 2013, 8:30 pm

haifa

well am naturally too skinny i only weight 45 eventhough i eat like a pig literally !! I just have a fast metabylism or whatever u call it but all doctors say am healthy 100% i ‘m actually, 1,70 m tall . I have always wanted to gain weight and i tried many pills nothing worked so I could have done some muscle exercises that’s probably my only mistake but to put women in a position saying oh what men really think of skinny girls!! and all that is really annoying some people are not starving themselves to death to be skinny !! some people are that way caus e of genes soo trying to make curvy girls feel better by blaming skinny girls or trying to picture every skinny girl as anorexic or unhealthy is way too superficial and superficial being healthy is what should matter

Reply January 16, 2013, 10:09 am

Can't tell if Serious

Good God, I hope you mean 45 kg. You could try buying a mass gainer supplement and lifting weights – I recommend Optimum Nutrition(A line of supplements) they’re one of the most trustworthy and reputable brands. Also, a mass gainer won’t make you huge and bulky like steroids will. It’s just extra calories for you to help put on weight. Good luck.

Reply May 21, 2013, 8:36 pm

Alex

The main annoyance I have as a guy is when girls use the term ‘curvy’ as an excuse for blatant fatness. There is a noticeable difference.

Everyone has their own preferences though, for me the whole ‘Dove campaign for natural beauty’ is complete bs and seems like an excuse for women to let themselves go. I attend the gym regularly and I guess my IDEAL type of lady would be lean and toned. I’m a legs and ass man so for me there’s nothing better than a girl with long lean legs and a small firm bum. Large and flabby thighs are a huge turn off for me, as is cellulite.

Reply January 11, 2013, 6:42 am

Can't tell if Serious

I almost totally agree with you man. I’m a legs and butt man myself. They don’t need to be long(tall) as I’m not a heightist. They just need to be fit and lean. Doesn’t matter to me if they’re 5 feet tall or 6 feet, as long as they have their nutrition down and are hitting the weights as hard as I am.

Reply May 21, 2013, 8:41 pm

Kathleen

My only advice would be- Never lose weight for the sake of anybody else (comparing yourself to another) and NEVER lose weight at the behest of a man, especially if he’s your man. I had stayed within a ten pound range of MY “ideal” weight since high school until I had two children later in life (I was 38, then 42). I couldn’t seem to shed the extra baby weight as it seemed to be cumulative with each child. I tried many different approaches but it kept creeping up. I wasn’t huge but at 5’5″ was wearing sizes 12-14. I had become barrel-chested and yet legs remained the same. I was personally uncomfortable with my appearance, but I look younger than my years and knew I was trying. For myself. I do prepare fresh, healthy food. In the meantime, my sex life completely dried up with my husband. He suggested that he didn’t find me as attractive and that if I lost weight then perhaps he’d be more interested. As crushing as this was (which I now know was for completely different reasons), I managed to get down to a size 10 and felt pretty good, more confident. Still no sex. I then had my gallbladder removed and lost another two sizes- 6. No sex. It crept back up when new diet stabilized- size 8. Nothing. At this point, my confidence was nil and it had nothing to do with my weight. This weight loss was gradual over a 4-year period. Exercise was sporadic and mostly included brisk walks with the dogs. The constant criticism and lack of intimacy took its toll and after I caught him with another woman, we separated two years ago. Within 2 months of separation, I had lost another 20 lbs. Not healthy! And now we are divorced and I realize that lack of sex was because he didn’t want it, got it elsewhere and it had nothing to do with my appearance. It was just a smokescreen. I am currently a size 2 for past two years and weigh less than I did when I was in high school (at age 52). My friends say I look too skinny- not slim, not slender, not fit- SKINNY. Yuck. Clothes are more fun perhaps but what an emotional toll. I can’t gain it back for trying. And the rapid weight loss has caused my skin to sag in various places, aging me. I’ve lost muscle tone everywhere, especially legs which were always shapely. It wasn’t deliberate weight loss to that extent, it was nerves and depression. But I allowed another person to dictate and modify my self-image and lost my confidence and curves in the process. All I can say is: Be comfortable in your own glowing skin and don’t worry about anybody else’s opinion or appearance. If you are healthy and happy with yourself, that is the ultimate personal success/physical measure. P.S. I can’t get a date either but my Rubenesque roommate? No problems. Men love her body and attitude!

Reply December 9, 2012, 7:40 pm

britt

what we as women seem to forget is that just like women, me , dont all have the same “type ” you may be a godess to one man and a twig to another. your so obsessed what the man that dosent want you likes, that you forget there is a man that is in love with you or has been there and still says your beautiful the way you are. we give up our happiness with who we are to appease to the ideals of one person who might not even like us after the fact. how do you think guys would feel if society said, you HAVE TO BE heath ledger( rip) in proportion. they wouldent go out and diet untill the died. they would move on and find someone who isnt shallow. MEN LOOK FOR CONFIDINCE, PERSONALITY, looks are a plus. if you’re not his type ..oh well there are more men than just him.

Reply December 9, 2012, 5:03 pm

Renette

Wow, this is great, if this is truly how men think then I am happy, very very happy, it is about time woman realize that a little fat is good, I have never been on a diet, but I must say I worried at one stage if my body was not a problem , my husband had a good looking young little girl as a lover, now after this, I will be dressing up more in the dresses and shorts I like , after all who at the age of 42 is perfect and 2 children later is not funny either, anyway thank you for this artical, it is what woman need, well done!

Reply November 27, 2012, 3:33 am

WC

Well, I did have “weight” problem.. Always did think that skinny is cute.. But after a while I learnt that a good persona goes a long way.. And it also helps a lot if u love yourself. When I lost all the weight, I thought I was sexy (guys didn’t) but when I began 2 love myself and as a result (add a little weight), my dating list has been endless.. So good wrk love.. Is healthy to be weighty.. Both physically and emotionally

Reply November 18, 2012, 12:10 pm

Coral

Hi there! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a group of volunteers and starting a new project in
a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us useful information to work on.
You have done a wonderful job!

Coral

Reply October 13, 2012, 8:51 pm

Suze

It’s funny how people in Western societies these days get more and more obsessed with their weight and the way that they are perceived by others when there has also been an increase in the percentage of overweight and obese people.

I’m glad I stumbled across your article, Mr Eric Charles, because you discussed some very important points that people just don’t seem to acknowledge. Women of a wide range of shapes and sizes can be considered attractive, and everyone has different tastes. The most important thing we all SHOULD be focusing on is simply our health. I hate to see women talk about ‘skinny’ and ‘fat’, with some criticising models for being so thin and others making disparaging remarks about those who are overweight. It sickens me and I wish that people would stop wasting so much energy on something so irrelevant.

I am 18 years old and am friends with a lot of girls who I have observed over the years. One thing I always see is that they spend a great majority of their time looking at pictures of women they perceive as hot and then either wishing that they looked like them, or finding their faults. None are happy with the way that they look, even though most are gorgeous themselves and have many guys who are attracted to them.

Why is everyone so obsessed with numbers? Why is it that I never see the weight range of 120-150lbs mentioned as an ideal weight (for the average heights of 5’2″-5’7″), but instead, numbers that would indicate ‘underweight’ on a standard BMI chart?

Let me tell you, I am 143lbs at 5’6″ (Hollywood would be shocked!) and I have NEVER had a negative comment made about my body by a guy. I am facially attractive and wear US size 7/8 clothes, and have no problems at all with my body. I cycle regularly and don’t eat any processed/junk food so I know I am healthy.

I actually hate to spend any time even talking about these things, but I couldn’t help but be annoyed when I read some of these negative comments left by women in response to the article. For God’s sake, what do ya’ll think, that if you lose 10lbs, you’ll automatically be better looking? No you won’t! There are women who you may consider chubby but are absolutely gorgeous, and then there are some who are just plain skinny, but that doesn’t do them any favours.

We should not be looking at superficial things like that. Just please, try to love yourself the way you are because nobody likes a moody, depressed woman (being happy and smiling is an attractive trait!), and aim for health. If you are overweight or obese, then stop looking for someone to tell you that you are not. You have to accept it and try to change for the better. Don’t do it for anyone else- do it for your own benefit. Make sure you get a chance to live the full life that you deserve. :)

So kudos to you, Eric Charles, for pointing it all out, and I hope your words have made a different to many people, because everything you said is true!

Reply October 11, 2012, 5:59 am

Mary

Muscle doesn’t weigh more than fat. A pound of muscle and a pound of fat both still weigh a pound. Same as a pound of lead and a pound of feathers. A pound is a pound. Fat, however, takes up more volume, pound-per-pound, than muscle, so a muscular gal who wears a size may weigh more than a girl with a higher BMI who also wears a size 8, and that’s what bothers some women. But, turning that on its head, a gal who weighs 155 and it’s more fat (higher BMI) than muscle will have to wear larger clothes than the gal who weighs 155 but is more muscular (lower BMI). So, more muscle than fat = smaller clothes. :-)

Reply August 23, 2012, 7:42 am

Eric Charles

Muscle is more dense than fat. If you filled a cup with muscle and you filled a cup with fat, the muscle would weigh more…
.
Yes, a pound of feathers weighs the same as a pound of lead. But the volume is quite different.
.
I figured it was obvious that I was talking in terms of volume and density.

Reply August 23, 2012, 3:44 pm

Mae

I agree that most men like fit women who are proportionate. However, in my experience, it’s all about attitude, baby!

Due to a genetic problem that makes it extremely hard for me to lose weight I’ve stuggled all my life. Even as a young teen and into my twenties I exercised (naturally by walking and riding my bike-EVERYWHERE!) AMD also tried to keep in shape by swimming and aerobics. I never could lose enough weight to not be considered fat and I should have been as skinny as a rail

Over the last three year I’ve been suffering with a back injury that has made me practically immobile to do any kind of exercise and I’ve gained 80lbs. I could air and cry over it, being obese, but I don’t. And, I get plenty of attention from men due to my confident, upbeat, honest attitude. I’ve got lots of admirers and even someone special. He tells me that my body is just a shell and my real beauty is on the inside and oh shines through, making me extremely attractive

Do I wish to stay obese? No! But, when I am able I will exercise and lose weight for ME. No one else.

I have skinny, pretty friends that want to know my secret. I tell them there is no secret. Love yourself, be confident and most important, love men!

Reply August 17, 2012, 9:30 pm

Eric Charles

Great comment, Mae. Thank you for posting this.
.
It’s simple but certainly not easy… there is tremendous power in “owning it” and having a winning attitude. Again, great post, thanks.

Reply August 18, 2012, 4:22 pm

Terri

Thanks. I have had two C-Sections and have his “flap” but I do ab rolls and arm work-outs. I’m in my mid forties and was with my husband for 23 years. I’ve been with this new guy for six months and he keeps telling me how much he loves my arms! I am about 10 lbs overweight, I think, but he keeps telling me how much he loves my body. I thank you for being so genuine. I needed confirmation that he wasn’t just being sweet!

Reply August 5, 2012, 8:29 am

Nina

Observing people and couples at airports(where i work) i’ve noticed a trend. Generally people stay within their body type. Fit thin men are with fit thin women and heavier guys are with heavier women. There is always an exception, skinny men who are not considered attractive are with heavier women, but how often do you seen an attractive/fit man with a fat woman. Rarely. Average is one thing, fat is another. Women naturally store body fat, but in todays environment it can be very easy to eat unhealthy and be immobile. Some Africans consider fat women in their country to be wealthy, they are able to afford certain types of food/lifestyle.

Reply August 1, 2012, 2:18 am

Lara

Perhaps i am side tracking just a little but i think the problem is about LOVE and our focus on image as real and as the most important thing. And attraction in love has nothing to do with what shape your body is. I think in media and socially, we get used to affirming things to each other that arent at all important or helpful. We nod our heads and go yeah yeah just because that is what we feel we are meant to like and say. Say it enough to each other, see it enough and you start to absorb it and believe it. Go to the supermarket, take a look at the loving couples – all shapes and sizes and obviously loved ! What a man may say he likes in his fantasy, isn’t who he is going to love and live with for always …. A male friend told me when i was a teen, that the most sexy girl he had ever been with didnt have a conventionally shaped body, but because she loved her look and was confident, he loved being with her the most of any girl he had been with. Thanx for stimulating our thoughts on the subject …

Reply July 13, 2012, 10:44 am

penny

so i found this article out of complete randomness and a couple of shots of 5 hour energy and i loved it! and i do suppose this helps me out a bit… see, i’m 21 and i always felt as though i’m way too skinny, maybe cause i have thicker, curvaceous friends with boobs bigger than my head who don’t fail to point out that i can fit into barbies clothes, nevertheless it has always gotten to me. I mean in nature and evolutionary stance men are programmed to prefer women with higher body mass, fuller hips, plumpy thighs and water balloon boobs as a sign of reproductive maturity or whatever … and naturally men do seem to go for them way more. skinny women are mostly just used as mannequins on runway, probably cause its cheaper to buy less materials for the clothing or what not.
i don’t where i’m going with this, but the point is what you explained about body ratio clicks. i’ve tried gaining weight, even quit yoga for a while and went on a fat albert hibernation diet… but nothing. thus considering your advise it wouldn’t make much sense to gain weight [not that my body would let me] cause i’m naturally petite.. and as far a men go, johnny depp is recently single sooo.. ;].. lol thanks though, you’re a very swell writer.

Reply June 25, 2012, 4:50 am

Meg

Wow! Eric you know how to make any girl feel good about theirselves! I recently ran into this and I was amazed by your thoughts and the time you put into posting this response. Im quite self-concious myself. Im 5’5 and about 130 pounds but Im an hour glass figure I just feel like I could lose like 5-10 lbs but I just dont know! Im generally healthy and fit but I work a whole lot I really just feel so insecure around other females. what to do?

Reply June 10, 2012, 10:23 pm

Brianna

I’m considered fairly thin by most people’s standards, and I don’t have to work hard to stay at 125 pounds (I’m 5’6 by the way). However, I’ve always been insecure about my boobs though because I am an A. Gaining weight won’t help because I am pear-shaped, and the added weight won’t go to my chest. Your article really helped me come to terms with my body though. My boyfriend likes my shape and said that if I had bigger boobs, it would look weird for my frame. I thought he was just saying that to make me feel better, but your comment about ratios is starting to make me realize that maybe my boyfriend is right. I’m going to start working on gaining confidence and embracing with what I have such as my ass lol. Thanks! =)

Reply May 26, 2012, 10:08 am

K

I’ve always struggled with body image, and now, at almost 21, I’m happy to say that I’m caring less and less about what people think of me.
I completely agree with everything in this article. I’m a bisexual female, and I find lots of different body types attractive. There’s so much more to it than looks.
As I said, I’ve struggled a lot with body image, even to the point of almost developing an eating disorder. And to be truthful, what truly triggered such low self esteem in myself was the portrayal from the media of what the “perfect” body type should be.
It’s disgusting that young girls are subject to the utter bullshit the media feeds us about body image.
You can spend so much time obsessing over looks and what you should/shouldn’t be, but at the end of your life, what will you have accomplished? Unhappiness. Disappointment.
I’d rather live a life where I care less and I’m happy.
Keeping all of this in mind, I’m fit, slim and healthy, and I work hard for it. I feel better if I take care of myself. And to be frank, I do it for myself. I want to be healthy. I want to live a long life. I may not appeal to everyone (and that has taken some accepting over the years) but I appeal to myself. I think ultimately, we need to love who we are for our own sakes, not just for others.

Reply May 20, 2012, 5:44 am

Megan

Okay. So I am naturally skinny and tiny(height) . I ‘ve gained a little weight but it is hard for me because my body is skinny naturally. So I can’t really do much.. Many people think I am dieting and all but I don’t I eat more than them! but that’s how I was made.
And concerned with my inspirations:
I like Megan Fox, Lindsay Lohan(as she as before) , Avril Lavigne etc.

Reply May 12, 2012, 10:22 am

Eric Charles

I liked Lindsay Lohan as she was in Mean Girls… perfect. And I don’t follow celebs that closely, but when Megan Fox came onto the scene a few years ago (I think Transformers made her popular), she was definitely smoking hot… she probably still is, I just don’t pay much attention.
.
Avril Lavigne never did all that much for me, but she probably has a good body. I certainly wouldn’t object to Avril Lavigne.
.
So I think those girls are hot, but that’s just my own taste. There are definitely tons of men out there who don’t find those women hot but find another type hot. Different strokes…
.
My ideal girl would look like the hot secretary chick from 30 Rock. That is a devastatingly hot girl… man…
.
Again, my ideal… not every guy’s.

Reply May 12, 2012, 6:40 pm

Michael

The fat obsession is not based on anything men think or say. We honestly do not care, as long as you do something worthwhile with your time, like using your brain to conclude that your diet and exercise efforts are futile and you should find a real hobby so that your personality has more depth than a few inches of diet and exercise regime. In fact, its selfish for women to sit around and diet and exercise and emaciate themselves for some illusion that all this futile exercise and dieting will make them more attractive to the men in their lives. As a man with no fetishes for obese people in general or needy preferences for an emaciated woman, and on behalf of all other reasonably minded men who are sick of all this noisy bullshit about “being too fat”, start reading books and cultivating your personality. Learn to shoot guns, find out what philosophy you subscribe to, study something that has consequence in your life, and get some exercise.

Reply May 6, 2012, 5:20 pm

Michael

And please, eat whatever the HELL you want. You want to know what worthwhile men think is sexy? Thrift. How much money can you avoid spending on unnecessary skinny-fat-celebrity-talk bull shit? That’s what we want to know. That’s what turns us on.

Reply May 6, 2012, 5:23 pm

icant

Just because a woman strictly maintains her calorie intake and exercise regimen does not exactly mean that’s all she does with her life. Goddamn you’re an idiot, you think dieting takes up your free time? You think dieting will completely absorb her personality or something? Goddamn.

If anything, a woman would need a hobby to distract her from unnecessary eating…

Reply May 20, 2012, 6:24 pm

Mark

Of COURSE different guys prefer different size/height/weight/race, etc. women! My wife has fluctuated from size 6/8 to a 14 (back to 8/10, now). I love her NO MATTER WHAT!

As for me, myself, I DON’T like the “Super Model” look, NOR do I like the obese look.

Given a choice between TWO women: ONE with HUGE breasts and one with none (to speak of), I PREFER the one with smaller breasts. MY preference is for D or smaller.

There are (pardon the choice of words) a HUGE number of “big girls” who are down-right GORGEOUS, and (to me), an EQUAL number of skinny girls who I wouldn’t (and don’t) give a second glance to!

STOP trying to be someone (or something) you’re NOT (for someone ELSE)…

If it makes YOU happy (being thinner), then go for it – but DON’T do it because you think you HAVE to (in order for others to like/love you)!

Reply May 4, 2012, 12:45 am

M

I don’t care for skinny, the always watch calories, always eating carrot women. Thos super skinny, the always watch calories, carrot women are usually also super stuck up, think they are all that and have the super super men “requirement list” and usually are not into “reality” Yes I believe in healthy diets but in moderation. I like curvy women, not fat, but hourglass women that care about diets etc but they are more healthy than the super skinny, always watch calories women and also the curvy hourglass type women tend to have much better attitudes when it comes to dating.

Reply April 29, 2012, 8:41 pm

maxi

hey thanx! i’ll concentrate on body ratios now onwards. :)

Reply April 29, 2012, 8:14 am

Laura

I actually think this article is very diplomatic and honest. Yes, most men like women that are curvy but rather petite. Of course there are some that like the really skinny kind and some that like the bigger kind, so there’s hope for everyone.
Well, what I wanted to say was that I, a UK Size 16-18 (but I am from Germany so excuse me if my englisch sounds a little…stiff?) with a D Cup at 1.70m still look OK because I believe it’s about proportions really. I have quite big boobs and a good waist(you know how some girls, skinny or bigger, don’t seem to have a waist, it’s just one straight line) and my thighs are quite tight. I’ve been told I look good because the ratio is the same with an ideal, curvy but skinny girl, just bigger.
So, I’m not on a diet and I’m not doing any fitness thing – time has proved that diets don’t work well for me cause my metabolism is faulty. As a kid I was quite skinny, but due to a sickness I have been treated on wrong, with too much medication and antibiotics, my metabolism doesn’t work too well.
I eat the same stuff as other people that are healthy – lots of vegetables, no fat meat,dark bread, oat flakes for breakfast and only water or tea for drinks. No fast food or alcohol except for the odd evening out.
But what I do to keep my body relatively healthy is I do a lot of cycling and walking – not jogging, just walking in the woods and sometimes some power-walks. In the summer I like beach volleyball and badminton.It’s enough for me, and I am healthy.
So of course I have the odd moment where I feel insecure about my weight and my body, but in general I am very happy with myself because when people talk about me, they don’t talk about my weight, but about how nice I am and what a happy person I am to be around. That makes me feel good.
Most guys I meet are instantly interested in my friend Luca, because she is skinny with some curves, and that’s what makes me feel uncomfortable and insecure sometimes, but that won’t make me change who I am.Nobody should change for anyone else if they don’t want to. Someday someone will come around who’s going to be interested in me, and not anyone else, and this is what’s keeping me OK right now.
Thank you for writing these inspiring articles, Eric, some have really been changing my way of thinking about things!

Reply April 27, 2012, 2:03 pm

Lindsay

the thing is, everyone wants to change something about themselves, everyone, and if they say different then they are full of shit. People whoare skinny want to be curvier, people who are curvy want to be skinner, people with big boobs want smaller ones, people who are tall wanna be shorter. perception is key here, i am going to admit to being slightly shallow when it comes to looks, but even i can say that with that, a shitty personality can make any attractive body/physical attribute UGLY. its the entire image of a person that creates the desirable factor, i think attractiveness is most important in the beginning, to initialize a conversation because u want to get to know the person bc u find them attractive…as i get older im finding that what i actually look for in a guy is intelligence. if a guy can say something every so often to blow my mind, or challenge me in some way its the deal breaker. I want to comment on the “its not waist size but more so the ratio” Eric said. i agree with that, its all relative to the person’s height and frame. The thing that kind of worried me though is that fat can be lost, but body shape cannot, u will always have the body shape u were born with whether u are small or big. in my teens i too struggled with eating disorders and i would be lying if i said i dont obsess about the food i eat or the exercise i get in daily, but i always took comfort in the fact that i figured guys didnt necessarily pay close attention to “ratios” in body shapes, i know that comment was not intended to cause anxiety about it and i know the message was positive, but for me it made me feel like men actually do sit their and size women up even more so than i realized, i thought girls only thought about it in that much detail! most women do not have an hourglass figure, it sort of made me feel like their is more expectation to attractiveness than i realized! ps-Eric i enjoy ur advice i think ur super rad but i had to say that! maybe u can clarify :)

Reply April 25, 2012, 5:04 pm

gabbi

uhm how do you log into this site?

Reply April 11, 2012, 12:13 pm

Miranda

Hahaha oh man, this post really got quite the response from the crazies. I lol’d a bit at Mr. Ubermensch and Ms. EVERYONE FINDS ME VERY PLEASANT.

Anyway, I just want to say you can’t please everyone and it seems like most of the people who are taking issue with you are weirdos anyway.

True story: I stumbled upon this page maybe about a week ago completely on accident and I have been hooked on it. The funny thing is, I HATE people who give advice on relationships and people who do “relationship research”. I mockingly call them “relationship scientists” and like to point out how inane pretty much any article giving any love or sex advice is. People will actually post particularly bad relationship articles on my facebook because they know how I like to joke about it.

But I was reading your posts and was like “wow. this is amazing advice”. Not only do I totally respect you and you think you rock despite my skepticism of relationship advice people, but I actually have been going through a messy break up and your posts actually have inspired me and are helping me get to a healthier place with that situation.

Alright, so I kind of went off on a tangent… but the point is, these trolls can suck it because a lot of people ( like me) really appreciate your refreshingly non-sugarcoated, yet not bitter, insights.

P.S. I struggled with pretty severe anorexia for about 5 years when I was a teenager. Like… weighing under 90 lbs at 5’8″ level anorexia. And while I have been fully recovered for a long time, I still get super defensive about eating disorders. But I didn’t find anything you said offensive and anyone who did is probably just looking for an argument.

Reply April 8, 2012, 12:48 am

Eric Charles

Damnnn….
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A *skeptic* turned testimonial?
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This has to be the highest compliment I’ve ever received on here. Seriously… that’s incredibly flattering and appreciated.
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Thanks for the appreciative words and sorry to hear of your breakup and former anorexic struggles.
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Your comment made me smile and that’s good karma. Good luck with everything and I’m really glad to have you on my site.

Reply April 8, 2012, 1:30 am

Katie

Hi there. I really liked reading this article. A lot of the time, I end up being depressed over my weight. I live in a small country town where I moved to a couple of years a go. Where I used to live, I would have considered myself averagely sized compared to most other girls my age. But here, girls just seem to be slimmer and more toned, and it’s not just be who thinks it. So here, I’m sort of one of the fat girls… and there aren’t that many.

But this isn’t a sob story. I always feel bad about myself, so comfort-eat, which, as you can imagine doesn’t do me any favours. Boys just plain aren’t interested in me. I don’t whether it’s because of my overall attitude or what (I get really nervous around people, and they think I’m being unfriendly and rude).

But I want to say is that this article is what we need more of. This article said to me that I could work out to better myself so that I would be happier about myself. A lot of the other sources try to convince me to lose weight so that other people will be happier with me, whether I’m happy or not.

I also don’t know why anybody would be offended by this. It’s refreshing that somebody is answering these questions honestly.

Thanks,
Katie :)

Reply April 7, 2012, 6:55 pm

Eric Charles

Hey Katie – I appreciate that and I’m glad you liked the article.
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Where are you living now?
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I recently moved to South Florida (Miami area) and the standard of fitness is much higher here.
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In Boston, I was considered extremely fit. Down here I’ve been working my ass off to get more fit since Boston’s level of “fit” would be considered overweight down here.
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Basically as a guy down here if you don’t have six-pack abs, you’re “fat”.
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So I feel you. On the plus side, I feel like I’ll have those abs in a couple months, so that’s cool… for me, I’m inspired by the challenge – I like having inspiration to work harder and get more fit.
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But it helps knowing that even if I wasn’t any more fit, I’d still do just as well with women. If I believed I wasn’t “good enough” or “worthy” of the women I’m attracted to, this would be a sore spot for me.
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So regardless of how you look, how you *think* is more important. Best to pursue your fitness goals with enthusiasm and love yourself in the meantime.

Reply April 7, 2012, 7:05 pm

Bao

I don’t see how women can be offended by this. If they are then they should learn to be open minded. The article was good and very helpful!

Reply April 6, 2012, 9:39 am

Eric Charles

Thanks Bao.
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I think it all comes down to me being a guy and talking about a woman’s physical appearance.
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No matter how respectful, objective and sensitive I aim to be, in the end there will always be some offended simply because it’s a sore subject for them and they want to take those feelings out on someone…
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At the end of the day, I’m a dating advice writer and frankly it’s a topic women want an answer to… so I answered it. Some people like to kill the messenger – nature is nature… better that we embrace the preferences of those we desire and not try to fight them endlessly. Can’t win that battle.

Reply April 6, 2012, 10:55 am

Meghan Paige

I have to agree with this article 100 percent and your comment. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard a guy say essentially the exact same things as in this article etc. I don’t find the topic at all offensive, I would rather know the truth, then to have some weird strung out lie on repeat in my mind. I think that women that are simply skeletal and have no muscle mass, no a**, or any other form of curves, look sickly and their pants don’t stay up because they have no rear end curve to keep them hiked in place. I would have to say to those women who find this truth “offensive” to think if they would like to be dating a guy who is super skinny (Memento) and guys on other movies as examples. That’s not a turn on! So, really it goes both ways if you ask me. Guys don’t have to be super bulky and what not to be “hot” or worthy of attention and someone’s time. Just as women don’t need to be super skinny or magazine style (PhotoShopped) to be attractive to men. We all just need to be HEALTHY and toned up in the right places :-) It’s not hard to get to that point, it’s just a matter of the person having the will and desire to do so.

Reply February 17, 2013, 8:54 pm

M

Yup I think super skinny women are actually a turnoff and more blah at the same time men want women with more healthy weight. Were not talking FAT, but on the hourglass figure where it’s healthy weight and decent sized boobs. Now before women get all defensive about the big boobs subject, let’s remind women about the HUGE double standard with a lot of women complaining and being downright adamant especially shorter women that they only will date TALL men and they are downright adamant that they must be 6′ or taller. Well scre* that then women, we men then want curvy women (healthy weight) hourglass shaped with bigger size boobs preferably minimum D cup size or bigger. Super skinny women with basically a, b to a – boobs are not that sexy. Plus the super skinny women I think for a lot of men see these super skinny women as anorexic, extremely overly picky and whiny.

Reply April 5, 2012, 2:31 am

Eric Charles

Thanks for the comment.
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Yeah… all in all, my personal preference is women who are fit and healthy. Aside from that being what I’m physically attracted to, I work hard to be fit and healthy myself… so I seek a woman that shares those values.

Reply April 5, 2012, 11:28 am

Miranda

Let me guess, M… you are under 6′ tall and insecure about it, which is why you are making this sort of bizarrely indignant generalization on the behalf of all men that attractiveness all boils down to having huge tits and that anything less than a D is not sexy.

But I think you’re way off the mark on both counts. I’ve never in my life heard a girl say that she will only date man who is tall and over 6 feet tall. And I’m not even going to get into the boob thing haha.

Reply April 8, 2012, 1:41 am

Karen

Okay…I personally like the way Eric responded to this. I don’t understand why some women took it offensive. It’s just his response to a question. Thanks, Eric, for taking the time to respond to our questions :)

Reply March 21, 2012, 9:40 pm

Maya

I’m a senior in high school. A lot of girls are very beautiful! They’re young, fun, they take care of them selves, and they’re beautiful at all sizes (if they look like they take care of themselves). I guess the biggest thing I’ve learned so far is to take care of yourself. I was obsessed with being (or staying) thin my freshmen year. Sophomore year was great because I was running and working out with the Cross-Country team, I was very thin – 5’7” and 130 pounds at my lightest. Lookin’ good! (really, it was the thinnest I’ve been. I did like it and I would not object to do it again, not for the looks, but for the freedom of being outside and running for the sake of running) I stopped XC junior year because I became more involved with classical music outside of school and I was practicing all the time. I gained weight. I’m not proud to mention it. I hoped that I wouldn’t, but that’s asking for the impossible when you stop a 6 day a week workout of 3-5 miles each day and weight lifting. But that’s besides the point. Okay, where was this going again?
Apart from stopping XC and gaining weight, I found that I still looked good. (I really hope I don’t sound snobby about my body or something, I’m trying to send a message, hopefully). I fortunately have a good fat distribution, to my advantage, it doesn’t go to my stomach. I’ve realized that it is okay to not be super thin. Even though there are distorted views and women who are clearly overweight are being called curvy (it’s very sad if it’s genetic), I guess it’s because they need to feel okay, to be accepted. Kudos to them! (Again getting lost from the subject). I’m 145 pounds now. I accept the way I look and I still take care of myself. I’m hour glass shaped, I love wearing a bathing suit. Of course there are things about myself I would want to change to make me more confident, but the last thing a woman needs is someone discouraging her, putting her down in any way. I eat healthy and do the best I can and this is my natural weight!
So I guess I meant to say that self acceptance is important, being humble and willing to be a healthier person, take care of one’s self – it comes before you consider other people’s acceptance of you. My inward happiness and love of my curves and non-curves and all of the above made me realize there was more to life than losing the hair on my head over looking extremely thin – worrying… I feel like guys can sense a lack of confidence. O.o
That is all I have to say about that,
:) Toodles!

Reply March 18, 2012, 6:35 pm

OzBlonde

oh and Ryan…sweet, you sound like a fan of the itty bitty titty club :)

Reply March 10, 2012, 1:25 am

OzBlonde

Interesting research.It can only be a generalisation.
Look about ,you see men with woman of all shapes and sizes.
Im slim but not skinny.
I know thats part of the reason the men I attract like me.Its their thing.They tell
me they dont go for bigger women.Oddly some of these men are a tad over weight?
Some men love fuller figured women.Some men like what I would consider to be skinny.
Mostly I assume men like a woman at a healthy weight.
Goodness,some like tall,some like petite,some like exotic..I know some like Blonde I would be a huge hit in India!
Some of my friends love guys buffed with six pack abs.The gym junkie types.
Are women any different? I prefer men at a healthy weight.
I would never starve myself and intentionally strive to be skinny in order to find a man.
I was skinny when I was younger when I met my ex.He liked it.
He thought all women should be skinny.He had issues about women’s weight.Luckily I didnt buy into it and now I weigh a little more and men think Im sexy so Im happy with that.
My point is.Dont stress over your weight.If it makes you more confident to gain some or lose some,by all means.
There is a man who will love you as you are.

Reply March 10, 2012, 1:20 am

lesley

My ideal woman is Christina Hendricks, Barbara Brickner, Fluvia Lacerda or Mayra de Wilde(I actually dated her for a while).
I don’t like stickfigures for girlfriends.

I had a friend that only went for the skinniest of the skinniest and then encouraged them to lose weight. He was totally obsessed with looks and wanted a girl like a catwalk model.

It depends all on who you ask.

Reply March 9, 2012, 9:02 pm

Michelle

I agree fully with general feel of this article. I have an hourglass figure, but on the flip side, i have struggledwith weight my whole life. Thru middle school and on (im 26 now), i have been at least 50-60 pounds over my ideal weight range. I agree with the key issue that living healthy, eating healthy, and being a positive individual are what makes an attractive person. I am constantly on a rollercoaster of loosing weight, gaining weight, loosing weight, gaining weight, and it is because i loose track of the ultimate reason i should be making life changes. Its not to fit into a certain dress size that should be the goal- its to be healthy! :) even tho ive started and stop Many times on my journey to loose weight, i feel this article has helped kick me back into gear, by redirecting my thinking back to what my true ambition is- being healthy and feeling good about myself. Throughout reading the article i kept thinking, ‘ya know, the guy i want to be with, is a hard working individual, that respects women, cares about people and… is fit. So therefore, that guy must be looking for the same thing. So i need to make changes, not to fit the mold, but because i want to be a well rounded individual, since thats what id be looking for in the other person.’ and i think thats what Eric is trying to get accross. Guys simply want a women thats’balanced’ if your naturally thin, and healthy-great! If your thicker, but eat properly and are active-also great. The point is to be healthy, and covers a broad range of body types and sizes. So thanks Eric for bringing it back to the basics! Because heath and confidence go hand in hand. So thats what ill strive to keep infront of me in my efforts for healthy living-…again :p

Reply March 8, 2012, 5:51 pm

Malley

@MUSTAFA’S COMMENT..see,Its people like you , one of those shallow small-minded people that make an average woman feel like shes not wanted when really she is, who the hell wants all skin and bones ,being too skinny is ugly and unatractive, mostly your probably oyne of those kind of people yourself or just brainwashed by society and the wrong messages from media that you dont even realize whats right..I know alot og men who would LOVE to have a curvier sexy thicker woman because at least we have lushious amout of butt and boobs for a man to grab and outragious sexy curves and not a whole bunch of hard knobby bones..only dumb air-heades who are brainwashed by media and society would agree with you,and the smart people with common sense would agree with me. Mustafa,get a grip on reality you sound like a real ignorant shallow-minded dummy!

Reply March 5, 2012, 3:04 am

Malley

and alot of skinny women have no curve or shape to them and are just flat up and down ,most skinny women have a boyish figure and look like they are suffering from malnutrition or anorexia

Reply March 5, 2012, 3:14 am

Malley

and they look so sick..maybe your one of those people too,thats why your being such a hater . CURVES ARE SEXY.

Reply March 5, 2012, 3:15 am

Marg

No Malley, people who suffer from anorexia and malnourished look like they suffer from anorexia and malnutrition. Perhaps you should take a closer look at this article. You’ll find that it is more about self esteem rather than body fat or lack of. Judging from your out-lashing comments you clearly have some underlying issues of your own that your dealing with. Anyone who so veraciously attacks a person in such an unnecessarily vicious manor for no reason other than to offend must have deep insecurities of their own; perhaps you should look into that. You may not be so upset by thin women, even extremely thin woman and the men who appreciate them if you felt better about yourself.

–Marg

Reply March 5, 2012, 3:35 am

janey

This is somewhat offensive to us (naturally) skinny girls of the size 0 variety. I’m naturally petite and I always have dozens of guys knocking down my door and the guys who like me like skinny girls. So don’t be saying that guys in general out there likes “curves”. you can be a size 0 and still have an hourglass body structure. Everyone likes something different.

Reply March 4, 2012, 4:43 am

Marg

I don’t think the article is saying that men don’t like thin women, what I think Eric is trying to say is that when a woman goes above and beyond into unhealthy measures to become or remain skinny, that is unattractive.

Reply March 4, 2012, 12:28 pm

Eric Charles

Yeah exactly.
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Like I’ve written a billion times before in the comments…
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Some people just *want* to be offended. They don’t read the article, they don’t read the comments… they probably don’t even read more than a couple sentences and just decide that they want a platform to write angry comments.
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Then when I call them out that they didn’t read the article, they either say nothing or can’t admit they were wrong, so they actually ARGUE with me that they should be angry. There is no depth to far for some people’s irrationality.
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But yeah, for the billionth time – I’m advocating being HEALTHY and FIT. If a girl is naturally skinny, but she lives a healthy and fit lifestyle… congratulations.
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The only thing I’m against is extreme, unhealthy, bizarre eating-disorder behavior. And anyone who is an advocate of that is just plain stupid – I’m not even going to bother sugarcoating that one.

Reply March 4, 2012, 1:31 pm

Marg

Eric,

As I mentioned in one of my earlier comments, I am a very thin woman and when I was younger I spent so much time and energy desperately trying to gain weight so that people would stop commenting on how “skinny” I am and passing judgement on me. Then I realized that first of all, regardless of how I’m built there will always be some people who find me to be unattractive, and some who find me to be beautiful. The real goal a woman should have first and foremost is to accept herself, and work towards being as healthy and happy as she can be. The same goes for men. Steroids, crazy diet and exercise regimens and unnatural weight gaining/loosing supplements do damage to you inside and out and simply are not worth it.

Accept yourself, be confident, be truly healthy and the people who are drawn to you will be genuine and those relationships will last you a lifetime.

–Marg

Reply March 4, 2012, 1:54 pm

Eric Charles

Yup – I’m on board with that. :)
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Funny, cause when I was a teenager I was one of those super skinny guys that was tall and lanky, couldn’t put on a pound. And I did take on extreme diets to bulk up (no steroids though). So I have some experience with wanting a different body appearance, though it’s much different for women than for guys and I wouldn’t pretend otherwise…
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Still we share the same thoughts on this – I should just have you be the official spokesperson for this thread, Marg. It would keep my blood pressure down. :)

March 4, 2012, 2:04 pm

jenny

hi eric charles i really agree with everything that you have said and i think that everyone should be the best that they can be i used to be really big and i am 19 now and in less then a year i lost all my weight over 90 pounds and i feel great! it took me to relize i had a problem and to do something about it its nice to hear diffrent opinions about what men really think about the size of a woman but i also think it souldent be so cut and dry like this is how meany inches you should be ect because every person has diffrent body types like a hour glass woman souldent try to loose her curves and a thinner girl shouldent try to eat alot to try to gain curves because if we try to be something we are not ment to be we become more unattractive i think a girl sould embrace her body whatever shape she was blessed with and truthfully this is a hard topic and i wish people would take more out of this because all this argueing is so not worth it i mean this is a qustion alot of woman ask and theres no right or wrong awencer because everyone is so diffrent but i really do appreciate your posts!

Reply February 27, 2012, 4:43 am

Cassie

Eric Charles,

I just wanted to applaud you for this piece. You expressed what you had to say in a very logical and respectful way – I am a naturally skinny girl (I weigh 140 at 5’8″, size 7 and happy! It’s true that muscle weighs more than fat!) and it’s nice to hear something other than “Gain weight, get some of those big tits!” or.. “Lose 20 lbs, you fat cow” .. Many people think it has to be one extreme or the other, but I think you did a fantastic job praising all the different body types of women!

Reply February 25, 2012, 10:49 am

Marg

Once upon a time I was extremely insecure about my weight… since you can’t see me I’ll tell you that I am 5’7″ and weight about 100lbs but I eat all the time. I have ALWAYS been super thin and when I was younger I cried about this all the time. People are cruel; they tease me saying that if I turn sideways I’ll be invisible, that I look like I never eat, I have even been asked if I have an eating disorder. Everyone seems to think that only overweight girls get their feelings hurt when someone comments about it but that isn’t true. As I said, once upon a time, I was incredibly insecure about my weight.

I too, just like the girls who wish to lose weight, obsessed over diet and exercise– I drank weight gainer, went on 3000 calories-a-day diets, ate over 200 grams of protein a day, lifted weights every evening, ran 4 miles in the morning and wore layers and layers of clothes to appear thicker. At the end of the day, I was miserable. The thing was, no one ever knew it and continued to pick on me for being so thin.

Because I have a very outspoken personality, and am confident in all other areas of my life, people thought that I had not a care in the world and didn’t think twice about my weight. I wish it didn’t take me as long as it did to realize something… no matter what, as long as I’m healthy, I’m beautiful. Maybe not to everyone, but no one needs, nor can anyone, be beautiful to EVERYONE.

We, men and women, need to be happy with ourselves, strive to be healthy and happy, and learn to accept the things that we cannot change. In order for me to gain weight I have to starve my motab0lism, for anyone who doesn’t know what that means… well it’s torture and a line I simply refuse to cross. I eat what I want, when I want and I continue to be as active as I always have been.

When I was about 17 or 18 I decided to stop obsessing over my weight, embrace the body my mother gave me and show off what I have in a tasteful manner. I began to wear dresses (although exposing my legs was a bit harder and took a bit more time to do) I began to wear tank tops, and at the beach I wore bikinis. Even though people still look at me funny sometimes and make nasty remarks that will always sting a little bit, I know that not everyone feels that way.

I learned to accept my figure and upon doing so I realized positive and sexy aspects of my body that I had never realized before, for example- my abs look good all the time! (a) because I’m extremely active and use those muscles a lot and (b) because there isn’t any fat covering up those muscles. Also, although it’s nearly impossible to find a bra that fits me, my bust size is 32 c; instead of focusing on the 32 part, I now pride myself in the c part of that number.

Eric is right, it’s not about the number that pops up on the scale when you step on it, it’s about how your body is proportioned, how healthy you are, and how confident you are with yourself. I may not be perfect to everyone, and my ass doesn’t giggle for a half hour when I get spanked, but I have features that some men appreciate. I have strong arms, strong legs, a great personality and I’m among the healthiest people I know.

And you know what, my incredibly handsome, intelligent, independent, darling boyfriend loves every inch of me. I wouldn’t have that if I didn’t accept myself. When you aren’t happy with yourself and you don’t see beauty when you look in the mirror it’s hard for anyone else to see it either.

So thick or thin it’s a tragedy to hate what you look like. Accept yourself, and know that we all have things that we deem flawed features. And for those who tend to comment on those flaws please keep in mind that most people have feelings, and when you say something negative regardless of how much you say it with jest, it hurts… even if we smile through it. Be polite, and as it was said by Thumper in the movie Bambi… If you don’t have nothin nice to say, don’t say nothin at all!

–Marg

Reply February 23, 2012, 1:12 pm

jenny

ok this is getting annoying can we act like adults and accept that people have different views then we do i mean can we actually take something in from what other people have to say about it because this pin pointing about everything that person says is really stupid i mean everyone has the right to there own opinions just because you say there’s is not right dose not mean there opinion is going to change

Reply February 22, 2012, 2:47 pm

Steve

..it’s a big topic. Which shows that peoples’ heads are not where they should be. That said, I like skinnier girls. I like to put my arms all the way around for a big, full hug. Large chests get in the way of that..and something that no one seems to say is that-the larger they are..the lower they fall as age creeps up..so, I believe anyway, that large ones get more unattractive as time goes by.
There is something about a leaner figure that cuts a sportier, more youthful look, too. Maybe thats at the core of the taste for skinnier ladies.

Reply February 22, 2012, 2:34 pm

jenny

i have herd different opinions i am not on either side i believe that people have diffrent types and i believe that no one should tell people how they should look because everyone wants different things now saying that i believe in being the best you you can be saying that your curvy and your a size 18 is miss using that word there are big boned people that do have bigger hips and butt but there not huge saying that your curvy to me is like a size 12-14 not counting how tall you are i am also really irritated with people saying there curvy and you no there just a bit fat the point is if your unhappy with your body you can change it i use to be 250 pounds and i lost 90 pounds in less then a year so it is possible also saying that the girl has to be the right kind of curvy is hard scene girls are shaped differently and every ones bones different in size so all you can do is love your body and do the best you can with it

Reply February 21, 2012, 9:45 pm

Jazmin

Holy shit man. I don’t get it reading all these people freaking the hell out has me literally dying laughing. In my opinion I could careless. I work hard for my body for me not any man and my confidence is what I notice attracts men….maybe my body does too but my confidence plays a part lol.. Seems like woman now a days have no confidence. Screw what society says the second you try to be something you aren’t will be the day you lose yourself. And every point you made is perfect. Toned is what’s important. No one wants saggy cottage cheese ass. And if a woman has it then there is no excuse to not be able to work on it. Perfect lunges and sqats are my best friend.

Reply February 21, 2012, 2:03 pm

Jazmin

And when I referred to the people freaking out I mean the ones that were bashing you for no reason. Crazy.

Reply February 21, 2012, 2:09 pm

Eric Charles

True, true.
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I appreciate a girl that values good fitness and taking care of herself. Main reason being that it’s a very core value to me – I live a very healthy lifestyle, eat healthy, exercise hard 6-7 days a week. So to me, I value that trait in other people.
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At the same time, America’s gone way too far to a place of image obsession when really that’s a huge distraction. Living a healthy, fit lifestyle is rewarding… it feels great on multiple levels. So I want to be with a girl that appreciates *that* side of health and fitness.
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I have much much much more attraction and respect for girls that work out and eat right versus a girl who’s just naturally skinny, treating her body like hell and skating by on youth and good genes.
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Again, to be clear, that’s not an anti-statement against naturally skinny women. It’s an anti-statement against laziness and not taking care of oneself.
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When you get down to it though, no matter how rational or balanced my writing is, there are going to be some people who just get upset either because I’m a guy talking about women & weight… or because weight is an emotional issue for them and they need to take it out on a target… or any number of other reasons.
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Doesn’t bother me – I know that I’m actually on women’s sides and I’m here to help. When I write these posts, I think about the women I love the most in the world: friends, family members, etc. My heart is always in the right place.
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So anyone who wants to attack me is really just showing that they’ve got their own issues going on. Not on me.
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At the same time, if someone brings up a rational point of view or explains a perspective I didn’t think of, I’m open to that. And I can be wrong about stuff or feel I should rephrase something – I’m not claiming perfection here. Just sayin’…

Reply February 21, 2012, 2:25 pm

Mustafa

Actually most women need to lose weight and workout more. It is nice to tell them that they don’t need to be super skinny but they DO NEED TO LOSE A LOT OF WEIGHT.
Only few times I dated average (average real means fat in this day and age), I was either broke or was down in life. As a healthy fit successful male, I will never date any but skinny girls.

Reply February 14, 2012, 8:02 pm

Malley

@MUSTAFA’S COMMENT..see,Its people like you , one of those shallow small-minded people that make an average woman feel like shes not wanted when really she is, who the hell wants all skin and bones ,being too skinny is ugly and unatractive, mostly your probably oyne of those kind of people yourself or just brainwashed by society and the wrong messages from media that you dont even realize whats right..I know alot og men who would LOVE to have a curvier sexy thicker woman because at least we have nice lushious amout of (not fake stupid implants, I mean real) butt and boobs for a man to grab and outragious sexy curves and not a whole bunch of hard knobby bones..only dumb air-heades who are brainwashed by media and society would agree with you,and the smart people with common sense would agree with me. Mustafa,get a grip on reality you sound like a real ignorant shallow-minded dummy!

Reply March 5, 2012, 3:09 am

Marg

Gaining or losing weight should depend on a person’s level of health & what pleases themselves, not aiming to be someone else’s opinion of the perfect weight. Perhaps you don’t appreciate a woman who is above a particular weight but there are many men and women who do. Now healthy is another story… anyone who cares for a person naturally wishes they be in good health regardless of whether that means, gaining weight, losing weight, or simply making better choices in diet and physical activities. My opinion is and always has been, that health starts with a persons mind and self confidence so if you love someone, and think they should make better choices for themselves it is best to get that point across without stomping on their self-esteem. Such tactics will get a man nowhere.

Peace,
–Marg

Reply March 5, 2012, 3:45 am

Alex

So he’s not allowed to say he doesn’t like fat woman because it’s ‘shallow and offensive’ but you’re allowed to come here and call skinny woman ugly and unattractive? I’m sorry but your post just makes you sound bitter and jealous. If this guy works hard and takes care of himself then he’s entitled to want a girl who does the same, not an ‘average’ ahem chubby girl who sits on her butt all day eating ben and jerrys.

Reply November 5, 2013, 7:15 pm

Ryan

The skinnier the better. Love to toss my tiny fiancee around and love her little boobs! :)

Reply February 10, 2012, 4:42 pm

Dan

If a girls too big to throw around the bedroom in an sexy animalistic way, then she needs to lose weight. Over 10 stone and your going home alone lol
Is it to much to ask that if your guy looks after himself then you should do the same?
I see too many healthy looking guys these days walking around with flumps that have let themselves go, shame on you, and its becoming more a more frequent within the last ten years. Unacceptable in my view, and my view matters because I matter, and if you fat girls out there thought the same way you would feel better about yourselves too.
Have a nice day ya’ll :-)

Reply February 9, 2012, 7:04 am

Joyce

This comment makes me laugh because I weight about 12.3 stone, yet if you see me you would probably want to do that to me; throw me around the bedroom in a sexy, animalistic way. Ooops, I forgot to mentioned that I’m 5’10″, so those 12.3 stones look perfect on me. Also, I do plenty of resistance exercises (yes, I’m the type of girl that can do about 4o manly push ups in less than two minutes); I guess the one that be thrown around the bedroom would be you; my muscles add about 2.5 extra stone to my body.

Reply March 8, 2012, 6:43 pm

Maya

Joyce. Wow. You’re awesome.

Thank You for existing. :)

Reply March 18, 2012, 6:45 pm

Diana Bonnaha

Nice and to the point!!

Reply February 5, 2012, 9:15 am

firojbd

It is a touchy subject and so I try to tread lightly here, but also it’s important to me that I am as helpful as possible to the readers.There’s a difference between someone who aspired to be “sickly-looking-thin” versus someone who is naturally extremely skinny. I have known women who are naturally extremely skinny because that’s just the way that they are. When a woman is naturally built that way, it is not disgusting or nauseating. It’s just her body type.I appreciate your comments (I sincerely do) and I think you brought up some really good points and discussion. so I like this site

Reply February 4, 2012, 7:49 am

Sarah

I would just like to say that this article is very true! I know a lot of women who are Skinny and curvy but feel extremely insecure about themselves because they think they aren’t the ideal weight for men ( and they judge themselves against one another). I read that study that was taken about how women and men perceive weight on women, it was shocking to know that so many women thought that they should weigh much more less, than men thought. so many women go on fad diets to look skinny and cut out all the good things and food in life that they should embrace not avoid.

I do have to say it does come down to choice of the individual women, if SHE is happy about her weight than that is the most important thing, SHE has to feel good about herself, no matter what her weight is or her body type. Every woman is beautiful, when she lets herself be beautiful.

:)

Reply January 29, 2012, 3:17 pm

Eric Charles

True dat. :)

Reply January 30, 2012, 3:09 pm

liza

My last post was a mistake…and whats with that annoying pop up?

Anyway, this post is horrible!!!

You say you’re not knocking us Runway Model Body types but you ARE! How dare you say the ideal is not skinny. Listen, i’m skinny and many other women are too, naturally. I am a full grown woman that is naturally skinny. Have never gained fat. I actually get the “general” public thinking i am not well b/c i am skinny. How stupid is that?

I am healthy and am blessed to not have “fat” issues (as you refer to it) and i am being looked at as wrong?

I have never had a problem with men not wanting me, so my body frame seemed pretty ideal to them.
LISTEN UP LADIES
YOU are beautiful!!! Skinny and chubby! WE are perfect the way we are and we will attract men that like us as we are. Some men like Runway skinny and some men like Kim Kardashian…to me, both types are fine and different.
***the problem lies in those who need to make one type lesser than the other. Get a life.

Reply January 23, 2012, 9:23 pm

Eric Charles

Sigh…
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You and I are in agreement… jeez, how many hundred times do I need to say it.
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Re-read the post and the numerous comments I’ve left. Clearly you either didn’t read or didn’t understand the post and allllllll the response comments I’ve left.

Reply January 24, 2012, 5:02 pm

Jazmin

Woah Liza don’t blow up on him. Calm the hell down. He is entitled to his opinion. If you were as secure with yourself as you say you are you wouldn’t take what he said so personally. The sad thing is he clearly said there is nothing wrong with naturally skinny woman, but the woman who are starving themselves shouldn’t be because everyone is different. How about you re-read like they taught you back in high school before you have a titty attack.

Reply February 21, 2012, 1:48 pm

Eric Charles

Hehe…
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Honestly, some people are just looking for things to be angry about just because they’re habit is to be angry about everything (except for whatever the actual problem really is)…
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Cause I mean… everything she was attacking me for was pretty much what the post says.
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Hate is bad. Anger is bad. Jealousy is bad. Negativity is bad.
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And when I say “bad”, I mean that it’s self-destructive and it just brings other people down too. It’s not helpful – if anyone has a point to make, it’s a mistake to let negative emotions seep in since that’s a trigger to make people not take that person seriously.
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It’s a lesson for all of us – in every occasion, get rid of negativity in any form. It repels other people and it’s self-destructive…
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I know tons of super successful people… and they’re all very calm and collected. They don’t fly off the handle about stuff, especially small stuff. They don’t get sidetracked by BS. And if they have a point to make, they make it rationally without frothing at the mouth.
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Because they’re grounded and they know their worth. And therefore, people listen to them.
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I’m going on a tangent here, but there’s a lesson in this. I’m not attacking the original poster here – believe me, I used to do that same sort of thing (getting angry and ranting) but I learned to kill that behavior because it was self-destructive.
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I hope the poster (if she ever sees this) can take something useful away from this and see that I’m not against her. I’m here to help people and sometimes that means me accepting someone’s initial reaction (however unpleasant) and showing them a better way of handling things.
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If I help some people with the comment, great… that’s my aim.

Reply February 21, 2012, 2:11 pm

liza

what?

Reply January 23, 2012, 9:13 pm

H10

As for me, I like the hourglass shape. That said, between an overly thin girl, and an obese one, I’d find the thinner gal more attractive.

My soon-to-be wife (wedding in 4 months) has a body that I thought only existed in my imagination. She’s not skinny. Dress size 4-6US, 124 pounds, 5’6.5″. Her waist is tiny, but her hips & butt are ample and shapely. She’s a 32G cup size, and all natural.

While her body does drive me wild, and continues to occupy my fantasies, even as we approach our wedding, I almost feel her metabolism is her greatest physical attribute. The both of us can eat oodles of whatever we want, and manage to stay fit without the gym or diets.

Even with all her gorgeousness, and amazing body aside, her being my best friend is easily the best part of our relationship. We have the same interests, from innane slapstick humor to geopolitics, college football, international travel, and quantum physics. We share our faith in Jesus Christ. And despite having flourishing social lives before & during our relationship, we still manage to spend hours talking to each other every single day since our first date.

Believe me guys & girls, finding a girl with your ideal body is nice, but a million times more important is finding a girl who can stimulate more than your sex drive. When the physical stuff isn’t the only reason you’re looking forward to your big dates, that’s when you know you’ve found someone special.

Reply January 23, 2012, 12:13 am

Steph

If she’s a 32G, I have no idea how she’s fitting into size 4s and 6s (unless they are heavily tailored). Usually, those sizes only really fit women with As, Bs and small C cups

Reply February 22, 2012, 10:57 am

Dan

4-6 in US is 8-10 here in the UK. a 32G will easily fit into that size. What planet are you on? Lol

Reply May 26, 2013, 12:39 pm

E

No I don’t think contrary to a lot of womens beliefs a lot of men don’t care for the super skinny women. To a lot of men we classify those stick figure women as anorexic and just not that appealing. Curvy women is hot!! But there is a BIG BIG difference in Curvy vs fat or heavy. A lot of women now days even though they are fat they say they are Curvy which is wrong just cause a lot of these women think fat is offensive. Well then lose the weight. Fat is fat just like height is height but fat can be lost. Curvy women is super hot but it has to be the right kind of curvy. Curvy as in not too big of a butt and just slight hips in other words just ever so slightly pudgy. Usually hourglass figure is used to describe curvy but again has to be the right kind.

Reply January 22, 2012, 9:16 pm

Frederica Bimble

I don’t think about ‘what men find attractive’ but what I really can’t stand is when women look at me and say, ‘you’re skinny.’ I find it vulgar and repulsive when insecure women who are sitting their eating a slice of cake or some other high caloric item and saying how they ‘shouldn’t be eating this’ instead of just enjoying it glare at me as if I’m supposed to apologise for being height to weight proportionate.
I am a long distance runner and usually run anywhere from 10 to 18 miles during a session. I eat alot but I have to make sure it’s food that is going to help me build muscle and fuel my body efficiently to keep me running at top speeds. Now, when some of these women have made snide comments that ‘you’re skinny’ in the past or, as one woman did, made a remark about the cheesecake I was eating, I would usually say, ‘I don’t do food guilt. I eat what I want when I want.’
That was a few years ago and I hadn’t had it for a while because I got ill and put on alot of weight and it took me about 8 months to burn it back off when I was back to training and now the comments have started again. I was in a room with a bunch of short, overweight women who were talking about their diets and I’d only been at the job a few days and I was ignoring that conversation when one of them turned around and said, ‘she’s skinny.’ I guess I’ve gotten over the whole thing because this time I just said, ‘I’m a distance runner so that’s what we look like.’ I am an amateur runner and I am not at an elite running weight so I don’t actually look ‘skinny.’ ‘Skinny’ to the insecure, female mind is a weird ‘putdown compliment’ where some immature women will say, ‘oh, she’s SO skinny. I hate her.’ My mind doesn’t work like that so to me, calling someone skinny is an insult. I don’t do doublespeak. Lol.
One thing I refuse to do is to ‘apologise’ to any overweight woman because I happen to look after my body for my sport/hobby.
I find it really disturbing and usually I can spot the tension as soon as I walk into the room because I don’t engage in that ‘what I hate about my body’ bull that I see so many women doing. I don’t want to bond with anyone over the things I dislike about myself.
And, this whole ‘fat and happy’ thing? Don’t believe a word of it. If you have to proclaim to the world how happy you are, then you aren’t. Women who are obese and those who are obsessed with being skinny both have eating disorders and neither are happy. They have to pretend and defend themselves instead of actually finding out what does make them happy.
I gave up caring about those sorts because I used to idiotically apologise for looking after my body! I guess we live and learn.
I like running. I like the way it feels when I get past the 8 mile mark and I’m flying. Having a fit body is a side effect of doing what I enjoy. If I had to say there is one difficulty, it would be that when I take time off, I have to remember NOT to eat the same amount that I would during heavy training. The idea isn’t to be worried about putting on weight because of my appearance but because putting on weight slows my running down.

Reply January 21, 2012, 10:50 pm

Dan

Cant believe you felt like the comment you’re skinny could ever be deemed an insulting remark. Nothing wrong with what you were and are doing, keep it up!

Reply May 26, 2013, 12:35 pm

Diana

Dan, Frederica just took a lot of time to tell her story and you in one sentence invalidated her.

I have always been naturally on the thin side. I am 5’4″ was a size 0-2 when I was 18. I am in my fifties now and am a size 4. I am not skinny! Naturally or not. But like she said, people think I must be dieting or eating too little, but I too have always eaten a lot and anything I want. And I feel insulted when someone calls me skinny. To me it is the same as if I called someone Fat. I wouldn’t do it, so why don’t people understand that. And I too have felt people’s disdain for me because I’m not the “cultural norm”. Many times in the workplace I have experienced bosses make my work life miserable, because I was much smaller and fit then them. I am insulted by the commercials that promote curvy as better! I am still curvy! After all my pelvic bones as a female are totally a different shape and the positioning is different. You don’t need fat to be curvy as a woman. I’m also a size 34 A bra cup size and that is enough for me. I feel elegant and graceful. I can move my body anyway I want. Clothes look good on me. I like my body and I’ve never had a problem attracting men or had any complaints. I’m heard the “research” that shows people who are “fat” get discriminated against. My experience is just the opposite. In order for people to feel comfortable around me and accept me and include me in the work place I have found I needed to wear frumpy clothes, no makeup, generally let myself go. You know, it’s you, not me. I am who I am and I’m not going to change just to please and be accepted by you. (You being general)

Reply August 14, 2013, 3:02 pm

Guinevere

On a slightly off topic note, fashion today is created for the skinny figure, not the full one, it’s designed for straight, tall and lean, not curvy, short or fat. So that means we’re fighting a battle to not only find the right size, but also the right style! Once there are ‘mainstream’ designers creating clothing for woman who have curves, aren’t tall or skinny then we’ll really be dressing to our strengths and not ‘model’ proportions.

Reply January 21, 2012, 3:43 pm

Eric Charles

Good point.

Reply January 21, 2012, 4:08 pm

Diana

Guinevere, your comment is a sideways insult to women who are not fuller figured.

Just because they are tall and lean does not mean they are “Straight” Women’s bodies are naturally more curvy than a man’s because of the way our “bones” are shaped and placed not because of having additional fat. We don’t need fat in order to be curvy! Stop, Stop, Stop this insanity!

At 5’4″ and around 115 lbs I too am frustrated in today’s designs which seem to be cut more for a man (square and boxy) than a woman. Humm, I thought it was to accommodate the fuller figured?

I have a high end suit that is about 20 years old that has a superb cut. It is clearly cut for a woman’s curves. I haven’t found a suit cut like this in years. Clothes today are cheaply made and cut, thrown together in sweat shops. I’m glad I have hung on to this suit. It’s a classic and when I walk into a room with it on I feel like a woman, not a woman trying to be a man.

Reply August 14, 2013, 3:23 pm

Vichy

Stop speaking for ‘guys’, jackoff.
Lots of guys like super-skinny elfy chicks with tiny butts and tiny boobs.
Many dislike skinny-and-poorly-toned, but poorly-toned in general sucks.

As far as ‘just learning to love yurself’ that is a bunch of Pop-psychology baby boomer bullshit. You have to make yourself attractive or stop bitching when people aren’t interested in you. No one owes you anything, and this eazy-peazy ‘self-esteem’ crock will just result in you being a lonely cow because you thought feelings were a replacement for results.

Thus spake Zarathustra.

Reply January 21, 2012, 12:44 am

Eric Charles

LOL… you don’t sound like a miserable person at all. :)

Reply January 21, 2012, 1:09 pm

Eric Charles

P.S. Nietzche would be rolling in his grave to know his work contributed to your comment.

Reply January 21, 2012, 1:11 pm

Frederica Bimble

LOL – That guy needs to do that ‘spoken word’ over Strauss’s sound poem of the same title.

Reply January 21, 2012, 10:29 pm

Landa

hahahahahahahahaha I’m at a loss for words.

Reply May 23, 2012, 11:18 pm

bygracenotmerit

Eric … I thought this was an excellent article. In the end it comes down to being comfortable in one’s own skin. I am a full-figure gal and to be quite frank, I love my curves. Some men do and some don’t. I don’t care. The guy I will eventually end up will love my curves because they are me.

I recently saw a video where Kate Winslett came out and blasted a magazine for photoshopping her legs and body to fit today’s image. She said that she didn’t look like that nor did she want to. She was the way she was, and she was quite happy that way. As a matter of fact, she even went further and said she didn’t want to look like that photo.

It’s really all about loving yourself the way you are. After all, each of us is completely unique and that is what makes life so interesting. Who wants everyone to look the same? Not me.

Reply January 20, 2012, 8:35 am

Martin

Hello there everyone :)

As a health buff scanning through different articles I randomly stumbled across this one and as a guy I feel compelled to chip in and to give further insight into this topic. Honesty is all that I am offering to share…

Here are some facts that most likely have been stated already but are worth taking in once again to put female minds at rest:
1. The media portrays what they consider to be “perfection” and the pinnacle of beauty and sexiness. This goes for both male and female bodies. Trouble is, these kind of images and so called “ideals” typically warp the mind of many, leading to confusion and feelings of inadequacy.
2. Truthfully, everyone is different. Everyone’s personal preference and what they consider “attractive” varies greatly.
3. Remember, no matter what, you cannot please everyone. But that’s ok :) Accepting those aspects of yourself that you CANNOT change will lead to a great sense of inner peace, leading to more positive energy invested towards shaping up/improving your sex appeal and looking your best (should you choose that).

The article points out something which is so very important to consider; that ultimately it’s not your measurements, i.e: your waist, that results in what is considered “sexy”, but your overall body proportions. Do you really think that a guy in passing who checks you out is going to be able to work out that your have say a 24″ waist just by looking? Doesn’t happen. So my advice is to not bother getting hung up on the numbers… You could line up several women side by side with the exact same waist or hip measurements and I can tell you now, they each will be PERCEIVED differently. Ratio’s and proportion are what in comes down to…

As for the main question, “do guys prefer skinny girls?”, my personal response is a solid no. BUT, like I mentioned previously, there will be guys who say yes. It’s all preference so there will never be ONE true answer to such a question. I’ll add that whilst my preference is “slender/petite” women (please do not mistaken this for SKINNY), different body frames do suit different people. There are plenty of women who I have found incredibly attractive but that I would actually consider “average” in terms of their figure. And again I’ve found curvy and even some “chubby” (apologies if this is deemed an offensive descriptive word) very sexy indeed. On the flip side I’ve crossed paths with females who were slender and despite having an attractive face, I still didn’t find their physiques appealing and I personally thought that them being more on the curvy side would be a great deal sexier. Some people look good on the bigger side and some on the smaller.

I’ll give you an example for more clarity…. take Mischa Barton for instance. Now she would be classed as a skinny girl yet is said to be a sex icon. Sure she has a beautiful face BUT her skinny frame is not very attractive in my eyes. Alas, she is a skinny girl who from a superficial (body) standpoint, I do not regard as HOT. But let’s now take Jennifer Aniston; renowned for her beauty but also many people label her as “skinny”. I happen to agree with that statement, and yet I do find her super hot. Lastly, Adele… she is on the bigger side right? But she’s also gorgeous and I certainly would not pass on going on a date with someone like her. Despite my preference for slender women, I’d choose her over Mischa Barton anyday! She is the perfect example of a female who if you envision a skinny version of, just wouldn’t look right! I can’t see her being as attractive if she lost a lot of weight and earned the label of being a “skinny” girl.

Well I hope you’ve gained some insight from my response. I admit that perhaps I’ve waffled on and perhaps gone off on a tangent, so apologies that some points raised may not be very coherent.

Take care ladies,
Martin (P.S-I’m only in my mid 20′s so perhaps my view point is quite different from males older than me?)

Reply January 19, 2012, 12:24 pm

Laura

THANK YOU FOR THIS. I really liked your insight, and being just eighteen, I think that your point of view is much more mature and less “being-in-style” than the opinions of a lot of guys my age up to 25 I know. BTW, if I were a guy, I’d choose Adele over Mischa Barton aswell. Not because I want to defend the point of bigger girls being gorgeous aswell, but also because she’s an amazing, funny person, and last tiem I saw Mischa she looked very unhealthyly thin.

Reply April 27, 2012, 1:19 pm

jessica

you wanted us to comment on this post because apparently some women had a problem with it.

i appreciate your brutal honesty. most of this stuff is common sense anyway. lol.

Reply December 22, 2011, 11:25 pm

Deborah

oh well, I was just trying to be helpful. I have a tendency to be fat, but I’ve managed it, and I did it just how I said. But otherwise, my body is stubborn to lose fat, and I mean…crazy stubborn. But the advice I gave is the advice that works, and when I because aware, I realize that’s when I lost weight is when I increased my metabolism with excersize, and lots of it! but ate a lot of little portions, just basically snacked with smaller low cal snacks all day. And it has to be high nutritional, and low cal fitting within the amount of cals to burn it off.

And for skinny people, they have to eat a lot of food to gain weight like a body builder. Lots of carbs and some protein but not hordes, just a little more.

but yeah, excersize and eating the right foods is key. I’ve seen women at the gym who have skinny bodies who have gained some muscle, so I am sure it’s possible.

What I’d say is, do the best you can and embrace who you are. A healthy person is better than someone who goes under the knife, or does drastic things to look good,

I know men who like all types of women. If you are thin, develop an ingenue style sense. Wear daintier clothes with more tiny patterns, frilles to fill up areas that need more curve, and layering. you need more petite looking fashions. Fatter people need to look more tailored and wear more solid colors from top to bottom and wear higher healed shoes. tailored and elongated. And then figure out your style, if it’s dramatic, soft, romantic etc…

Just embrace your look and play it up! skinny people can wear all the cool fashions, so why not? Try a Kate Moss look!

Reply December 22, 2011, 11:39 pm

Deborah

Hi ok maybe I have use try to sugarcoat my words a bit so I don’t seem so harsh. I read in the newspaper very recently, like about the end of Nov 2011, (last month), that the gene that is responsible for fat is also responsible for skinniness. It’s more common to have the gene over-dividing, causing a tendency for overweight, rather than it to under-divide causing thinness, however this is the cause. And to fix is, is impossible. It’s just how you are. If you have a propensity to be overweight, then you have to manage that the best you can with all the knowledge you can, and just keep trying. If you are underweight, it’s the same thing except with the opposite concern. I really don’t know what to do for a skinny person because in my mind, if you eat enough unhealthy foods, that don’t digest well, that are high in calories, that you never do enough activity to burn off, then you’ll get fat. with skinning people, their metabolism is too inefficient. In other words, it’s burning calories at a faster rate than the body is able to store, and that’s an inefficiency. A Great metabolism is where your body conserves fat, so that when there is a famine, you have reserves! But no one wants reserves or the lack of reserves! So what a skinny person must do is slow down their metabolism, and eat foods that are slow digesting, but not unhealthy. It would be a challenge, because if you don’t excersize, that’s unhealthy for a fat or a slim person! But here’s what I think: I have a fitness theory certificate from University, so I’ll just say what I believe: if you are skinny, do not do aerobics or anything that makes uses of the “aerobic” system. This means, skip the Aerobic zone, and go straight to athletic zones. You use the anerobic system when you build muscle, and when you bring your heart rate high such as a sprint and any “short burst” policewoman type of excersize. The type where, you use plyometrics (power moves) where you use muscle, and where it’s fast paced and lots of bursts. Follow? And of course do a lot of weight training! Muscle endurance can also make you benefit since it will cause your muscles to be directly working anaerobically, and this will give you tone and cardio at the same time, which is good for the heart! Next…eat foods that digest slowly, along with fiber. Slow digesting but not unhealthy foods though. What I mean is, yes, a sugar free mint is low in cals, but because it’s made of chemicals, your body processes it slow, and it will cause gas because it ignites the activates the bacteria in your stomach when something is not digesting properly. I don’t mean bad foods like that! And I don’t mean fats and lards either! I mean, eat lean but heavier meats like beef. Eat carbs especially breads and pastas, and also eat the other stuff, but just eat a little more protein and carbs! Sugar and fats will make you fatter but, you could get a heart attack! So your aim isn’t to get fat, it’s to get muscular. However since you don’t have enough fat, you could probably get away with more unsaturated fats, but stay away from the saturated ones. So what this should do is build your muscle, so that you are using your metabolism for weight gain rather than weight loss. And when you eat, the food will go directly to feeding the muscles and repairing, causing of course, more meat on your bones. So you will end up eating more food that will cause your muscles to grow, and it will be a lot of food. Plus…you have to trick your body into starvation mode. When you eat one or two meals a day, your body will cling to the food, and turn it to fat. So large meals spaced far apart! That way, the calories won’t just fly out the window! That’s my educated guess but you can find out more from your doctor, and a nutritionist, and obviously that’s the best practice since I’m not a doctor, I’m just following common sense from what I learned from my fitness degree. So I think there is a way around it! However…for people who are fat, your focus is weight loss. So you zone in on the fat burning zone, and this is easier and more comfortable an aerobic pace, but you also must challenge yourself every once in a while within your workout, maxing out with some exertion because the body adapts, and you could be exercising for a year or so, and see no improvement if you don’t challenge yourself in your exercise routine. So the bulk of your routine will be aerobic, and some muscle work in order to prevent more weight gain. This is because muscle burns more calories. So you build muscle tone in order for your body to depend on having to feed something other than your fat cells! And this is how you increase metabolism! You eat superfoods, such as the very most nutritional vegtables like kale, spinach, apples, berries…basically a detox diet. Exercise is a detox, it it’s the ultimate detox…but you speed things up more if you couple it with the detox foods, and you could go as far as you want detoxing. You could do yoga too, and you could wash in Epsom salts, you could do a skin brushing, and go for massages…but mainly exercise and detox foods are your main goal. This means fish and chicken and boiled eggs, stay away from too much dairy, and eat gluten free…fibers, and detoxifying organic foods. What this is is foods that digest really fast, and are burned up quickly, but inject you with nutrition, so that you can cut down your intake of calories, but not starve yourself nutritionally. Also eat the entire calorie intake recommended for yourself, to lose weight, but divide the portions so that you are eating more often, but littler portions. What this does is make your body always think it will be fed, hence it will not hang on to food, but it will digest it all normally, and dispose of the waste, of which the fiber will cleanse your system out, and make your digestion system very efficient. Once your metabolism is boosted, you will find you can eat a cake every day if you wanted…don’t but this is what happens when you are athletically fit. Your body will automatically use it to build muscle, and dispose of the waste. If you do not excersize, you will have a tougher time losing weight. One thing is, it’s not healthy to be too healthy. The body is designed to fight diseases and if you baby it with too much health, it will not fight diseases so well. So it’s important to be healthy 99% of the time, but take that 1% and eat junk, because your body needs a little bad to go with the good. If this doens’t work, you might have to do something radical like get surgery, but please try these things first! and get a checkup before going into an exercise routine! Your heart and lungs have to be able to bear it, because if you have health issues you might have to be careful about your approach to fitness, and be guided! It doens’t mean a gym won’t allow you in, it just means the doctor is supervising you.

Reply December 16, 2011, 9:30 pm

Caro

I strongly recommend you look into getting more information before you give up on losing fat. There is a lot of research out there showing that we’ve been told the wrong things for the past 30 years. http://waroninsulin.com/ is a good resource, but if you’re truly interested in reading about the last two centuries of nutrition and disease studies, check out Good Calories Bad Calories by Gary Taubes. He also has a website http://garytaubes.com/ and a new, shorter book, called Why We Get Fat. These are not diet books, but they are essential to understanding what’s going on with food and our bodies. Take it from me, a future librarian who’s obsessed with finding good information :)

Reply February 8, 2012, 12:53 pm

Apryl

Hi, just sort of found your post randomly. I actually was just looking around for some sort of PERCEPTION about the very body type discussed above, which also happens to describe mine. I’m married, and so at 24, I’m already doing fine with a man who thinks I’m beautiful, but mainly concerned about being personally satisfied with my body, not just how others would see it.

I’ve tried to gain weight for years, only to have collected an extra 9 or 10 pounds in about a decade, no matter WHAT it is I eat. I have friends who have more meat on their bones than I, and they ask me, ”How do you stay so SKINNY?” … And I’m seriously beginning to HATE this question…As though my weight is something I’m THANKFUL to have, like being so scrawny, and even borderline pre-pubescent – I apologize for my use of terms, there, but I have NO curves, and it troubles me so much that I feel as though I’ve never physically matured, even though I’m nearly 25. – I really, REALLY don’t want to look like this any more, like a bean pole or a mosquito, and all I’ve wanted were some curves, some sort of healthful-looking appearance, instead of the faux anorexic image I feel so stuck with.

And, the icing on the cake? I do have issues that could – if one day presented to a real live doctor – end up diagnosed as a variety of real health issues ranging from anemia to infertility.

In short, I feel absolutely disgusting.
Cherish that extra meat, girls. You have no idea how lucky you are.

Reply December 15, 2011, 7:37 am

Frederica Bimble

Your last paragraph. Go see your doctor and not just talk about it. If you have health issues then you need to go and find out what is happening. Otherwise, don’t worry, give it another 10 years and you’ll put on weight. Also, stop focusing on being too skinny. You are married and have someone who loves you and that is a lot more than what most people have.
If you feel healthy in yourself then you ARE a ‘healthy weight and size.’ If you feel anemic and think you have infertility then you are ill and need to go to the doctor.
Your post is strange. You say you have a husband and that’s all good so it’s either self esteem issues or you give a damn what other people think too much.
If you feel ok then the next time someone says something about your weight just shrug your shoulders and say, ‘that’s my body.’

Reply January 21, 2012, 11:00 pm

Richard

In 10 years the weight will go on all the wrong places…. The only way to not look scrawny is to put on some muscle… I wish more girls would… thin and toned looks anything but unhealthy… it’s actually the look I prefer.

Reply January 22, 2012, 10:37 pm

Shana

To Eric Charles
So im skinny and i mean skinny and my parents r worried about my wieght that i should gain more wieght but the problem is i eat and eat all the time and i never gain weight i have been the same weight since i could remember but i do know if i miss a meal i lose weight and half the time im not hungry so i dont know wat to do my oldest sister she is 19 and she is normal and has huge boobs and i mean huge and she tease me all the time saying i have nothing or as she say they r “Rock” but when i do? my breast might not be as big as hers but it is getting to me that maybe i need surguy to get bigger boobs so she will stop teaseing me because i feel like i have none and im unconforable in tank tops like singlets because of my breast so could u help me plz is there a way to make my breast bigger she and my family r saying that my youngest sister is bigger than me and i dont know if she is? if i try and eat food i dont know where it is going to because it is not going to my ass, legs or stomach and not my breast and if i lose wieght my breast get smaller and i dont want them to get smaller i want them to get bigger
plus i have a boyfriend we have been going out for about well this monday coming 5 weeks and he said that he has like me months before and i said to him that my sister calls my breast rocks and he says no they r not they r soft and nice so i dont know if he is saying this to me to make me feel better or he really means it can u help me out because i have a lot more to ask and i think this is alot so far and sorry if there is spelling mistakes im kind of in a rush lol
thanks
btw im 16 if that helps

Reply December 10, 2011, 2:15 am

Eric Charles

Hey Shana,
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I know right now you feel like there’s something wrong with you and you’re not good enough, but I promise you: you’re fine.
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Listen: When I was 16, I was tall, awkward and super skinny. I had long, skinny limbs.
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Fast forward fourteen years to today – now I’m in good shape, have muscle and a good body.
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When I was 16, there were other guys who were big, muscular and athletic – girls were all about those guys and had zero interest in me. Now, just about all the guys from my grade who had great bodies are all extremely overweight. I took care of myself, they let themselves go.
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My point here is that life can be rough when we’re 16 – we feel like our body is imperfect and we wish we were “better”.
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Truth is, you’re still growing and developing. Plus, the central point of this article isn’t so much that there’s an ideal body type – it’s that some men will find your body type, exactly as you are right now, as perfect.
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Aim at being healthy and fit – not “skinny” or at a certain cup size. Be the healthiest version of yourself and you will attract your ideal match.
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And I know it’s the hardest thing in the world to do as a teenager, but if you can learn to love yourself and your body exactly as you are, it will pay off big time in your confidence and relationships.
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Good luck and hope it helps.

Reply December 10, 2011, 12:05 pm

Shana

thanks so wat u mainly trying to say is to try to stay fit and dont worry about wat others think of me now and foucs more on my life and my health than any thing else and not to worry about my cup size or my weight because im still growing becasue if it is that cast i dont feel like im growing at all and it makes me stress
so is that wat ur mainly saying is that im still growing up and not to be worried about my breast nor my weight lol

got a question i want to keep track on my weight but i need some type of planner to do so, do u know a way that i can set it up on my laptop on excel so i can control it every day why i am at school and at home lol because i dont want to lose loads of weight and end up looking like them models that r gross or end up over weight because i dont know if i will be the same weight i have been for the past 5 to 6 years ok i will tell u my weight im about 48 i think and i have been like that for a while or 50 and i have never gotton over the 50 mark so it is hard and i want to be 50 or under and not to lose weight in my breast is there a way i can do that but i dont want to be to skinny like a models because really models these days and no affence they look really gross becuase they have lost to much wait
i hope this has not confused u at all

Reply December 11, 2011, 3:27 am

Emma

Awwwwwwwwww! That’s sweet and very true! ^^

Reply April 10, 2012, 6:14 pm

Frederica Bimble

You’re also being bullied. I went through the same thing with my family but I don’t recommend you do what I did – I don’t associate with them at all anymore. Then again, I’m middle aged and don’t have to have anyone in my life I don’t want.

Listen to your boyfriend because he sounds like he cares about you. Your family are uncouth and don’t realise their words are hurtful. I would suggest you talk to your mum but if she’s chiming in with them then it would just be going in a circle. Just bide your time until you can get out of there and get some head space.

Reply January 21, 2012, 11:03 pm

Dan

Hi, I’m a guy just come across this page, so thought I’d put a blunt short statement in here.
This is all you need to know about your weight girls:
If when you walk down the street and most strangers (men or women, girls or boys of all ages) who notice you, if their first instinctive thought is ooh shes overweight or fat, then you are, … if walking down the street and most strangers (who notice you) see you as normal, with no first instinctive thought of you being overweight. Then you’re fine.
So don’t worry too much about it, just look normal, blend in, don’t get noticed if you like and you’ll be fine, we guys just want a normal average sized girl, we want you for you after all, and anything average sized or under is good enough to pick up and throw around the bedroom a bit will do us fine, we don’t wanna throw a barrel around the bedroom after all…, there’s a line, and you know where it is girls.. Don’t get caught up with the celeb size Zero’s they are twats, how many marriages do most of them go through anyway…….

Reply December 8, 2011, 8:05 pm

Frederica Bimble

So, your advice requires everyone to be mind readers. Hmmmm. If I saw you walking down the street, would you know that I think you’re fat or thin?
How could you tell what I was thinking?
And, hey, some people are rude enough to say what they think about one’s weight but guess what? It is almost always a reflection of their own insecurity. I am tiny. Short and small so I can run long distances. I was walking through the middle aisle of a train once and my bag accidentally scraped this woman’s shoulder and see said, ‘ugh, fattie!’ I turned around and looked at her and wasn’t surprised to see that yep, she was fat alright.
She also caught me on a bad day so I stood over her seat the whole journey and lectured to her very loudly about being fat herself and taking her insecurities out on a random stranger who’d just completed the London Marathon. It helped that her boyfriend or whatever male friend was there. Here’s hoping madame learned her lesson that day.
I’m much nicer now. Lol… yep, worked on it.

Reply January 21, 2012, 11:11 pm

Th

Is it wrong to expect a girl to keep herself in shape? Mine has gotten on me for the way i dress and eat, so I changed. but she does not seem to want to exercise, we fight over this, i dont want a super model but id like her to tighten up, she says accept her. am i wrong?

Reply December 4, 2011, 3:31 pm

Eric Charles

Man… this is where things get touchy.
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I’ll share my philosophy, but I can’t say what’s right or wrong.
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Fitness and health is important to me. So I eat healthy and I exercise. I keep myself in good shape.
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It’s important to me that the girl I’m with shares that philosophy of living. Yes, I want a girl that is healthy and fit and that will remain that way.
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But you can’t *make* a girl change her habits. Worse, some women get themselves into shape just to land a guy and then once they do, let themselves go completely.
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So my philosophy is that I am the example of what I want and I only date women who share my philosophy of health and fitness.
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But you’re already in a relationship and that gets complicated because your asking her to change could be interpreted as you not “loving her as much”.
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Women are asking themselves at every moment, “Do I feel loved in this moment? Do I feel connected in this moment?”
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Your track record doesn’t matter – if she, in the moment of whatever it is that your discussing, doesn’t feel loved then all she will come away with is the suffocating fear that she is unloved by you. And that stress will make her want to avoid exerting herself physically, it will undermine her positive outlook and it will make her crave satisfaction from food in place of love.
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Whether it’s right or wrong to want your girl to keep herself in shape, it’s irrelevant: Ultimately, if you’re going to communicate anything, it would be best to communicate in a way that gets the result you want versus creates problems and solves nothing.
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Your best approach would be:
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1) Make sure you are happy and fulfilled in your own life.
2) Love her – always stay connected to your love and compassion for her.
3) Set a good example in your own health and fitness pursuits.
4) Expect that she will come around – she knows how you feel, so the goal now is to make sure she feels happy and loved. When she is in that head space, she’ll be far more likely to want to step up to the plate.
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Hope that’s helpful.

Reply December 4, 2011, 3:44 pm

Frederica Bimble

You changed? If you did, then you already have the answer. Ask her to go to the gym with you or to go for a walk or a run or whatever activity it is you do to keep in shape.
The ‘problem’ will take care of itself. You said she ‘got onto you for the way you dress and eat.’
It sounds like you’re looking for things to build walls up over. It goes like this. She probably said flippantly that some of your outfits need work and you wanted to please her so you took the words on board. She probably sees you eating junk and is concerned about you and there’s nothing wrong with that.
It really does sound like you’re looking for a competition instead of a loving relationship. Either you are happy with this woman/girl or not.
Either you can share what makes you happy or not.
Nagging from either of you is pointless. You have to go with the flow or else relationships become strangled.
If she were to get to the gym and get in shape, you’d find something else to complain about because you resent her. If you don’t believe that then read your letter as if she were writing in and your words are hers.
‘He got onto me about my clothes and what I eat but now he won’t tighten up and exercise for me.’
It’s called ‘tit for tat’ and has no place in relationships. Either you want to see your girlfriend with you and happy or not. The same for you. Plenty of fish in the sea, my friend.

Reply January 21, 2012, 11:19 pm

GlowSprite

It doesn’t get any easier as you age either. In my 20′s and all through my 30′s my body weight was fine, right on target, I watched my nutrition carefully and at 5’7 weighed 135. Now I am 43 and have zoomed to 145. I have a little extra padding everywhere. One one hand, it’s a blast because my boobs (B’s) have gained so I’m no longer dealing with boob envy..they’re fuller and more round…but my hips and thighs are a little heavier too. I’m not fat or overweight, but I’m not the lean, tight woman I was just two years ago.

I’m single by choice and when I date, I am bring the best me I can forward…confident and articulate. Positive and interested. Little thoughts will come up like, “am I still okay?” My abs are still there, but my hips are rounder, a little cupcake appears where there was none…I feel like more of a woman than ever, but I have no idea what men want in a 40-something woman. I hope their expecations are reasonable because I’m not 36 anymore…which is when I looked my best!

What I do know is this, people love me for who I am not what I am. When you see women my age slamming themselves around the gym, and freaking out over every wrinkle (and just wait girls, gravity will make its way all the up to your face! :)), I have to remind myself that I was not put on this planet to completely obsess about myself. Then….poof! Those pesky termites of fear disappear and I get right sized again. Thanks and good night!

Reply December 2, 2011, 10:50 pm

Eric Charles

Good stuff, GlowSprite – thanks for the comment.

Reply December 3, 2011, 6:25 pm

Frederica Bimble

Say what? I am middle aged and I run long distances. I am fit. You sound like almost every woman I meet who is obsessed with her appearance. You actually noticed that you put on 10 pounds? Lol… I couldn’t tell you what I weighed 5 years ago but I know that my clothes still fit from 12 years ago but they just fit differently.
There is nothing wrong with going to the gym either at your age. In fact, you might want to change your tune about that because doing some sort of resistance training will keep your bones strong and ward off osteoporosis in your old age.
Do yourself a favour and exercise and don’t be one of those women who keeps proclaiming about ‘being old’ because if you beat that drum, that’s what you’ll be.
I look about 10 to 15 years younger than I really am and that is because I take my health seriously and never obsess about my age, my weight or my appearance. Sure, I don’t want to leave the house with bags under my eyes therefore I use an eyecream and whereas I used to not bother with the make up, my colour has faded and the features aren’t so pronounced so I wear light foundation and mascara.
Don’t fall into this trap of thinking you’re pious and critising other women for being concerned about their appearance. You ARE doing the same but just in a different way.
Remember there are some women who couldn’t even tell you how much they weigh yet you notice 10 pounds and then use your age as an excuse to give up on yourself.
Don’t do it. Caring is not the same as obsessing.

Reply January 21, 2012, 11:29 pm

Deida

I think this is indeed a really touchy subject and I think that Eric put it in the best terms a guy that acknowledges this common -yet true- cliché that says ‘variety is the spice of life’ can put it. I think that women, myself totally included give our image way too much importance. I’ve caught myself in constant ocassions being suddenly depressed for gaining some weight… that’s stupid of me… However, in my case, I am in between, I’m a latina so I have this curvy body and I accept it, I am a size 2 or 4, and there’s nothing I can do about my curvyness, I’ve gotten to love it lately, but since recently a guy broke my heart, I started asking myself if the girl he’s started dating has a better body figure than me… but then I realized, that’s stupid!! I think it’s just like Eric said, wake up girls, let’s work on our personality instead of on whatever body image. Building on from there, we need to start getting confidence on our intelligence, wisdom, experience, sensibility, strength, etc. all those peculiarities that can get lost when we pay too much attention to the way we look more attractive for a guy.

Reply December 1, 2011, 5:23 am

Eric Charles

Thanks Deida, great comment.
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It is a touchy subject and so I try to tread lightly here, but also it’s important to me that I am as helpful as possible to the readers.
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Here’s a blunt fact of life: Men respond visually to women. It’s how we’re wired biologically – no man chose his biology, just like no woman chose her biology. We’re all in this together.
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So anything that you as a woman do to improve your appearance is going to have a noticeable positive effect on attracting men. I want to make clear that I’m not saying, “Looks don’t matter!” because they do make a difference and shouldn’t be ignored.
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But… the fact is I see women torturing themselves over looks. And in life, torturing yourself over anything is a bad strategy and will have a negative impact on your ability to attract people and have great relationships (because you won’t be as happy as you could be).
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If you were to break my message down to a point in this post, it would be: Look as good as you can, BUT accept and love where you are.
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And…
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Men are way less critical of how a woman looks than women are about themselves or other women. So make criticizing looks a thing of the past.
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And finally…
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Looks are nothing if you don’t love yourself, love your life and feel “whole” whether or not you’re in a relationship.
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Hope that helps anyone reading this – and Deida thanks again for your comment that sparked these thoughts in me.

Reply December 1, 2011, 12:34 pm

Deida

totally Eric, yes looks are important to a certain extent, of course, like you said men respond to that, and we, women, like to look good, also because of a health matter, being in a good shape it’s super important… Also when you start doing something for yourself, like looking better and more attractive, your mind responds super positively. One starts feeling more active, more fortunate, more attractive, more confident: happier!! However, yes like you said obsessions lead to failures, so as long as body image doesn’t turn into an obsession and one pursues cultivating mind and spirit, we’re GOOD!!

Reply December 1, 2011, 3:26 pm

Eric Charles

True dat. ;)

Reply December 1, 2011, 5:46 pm

Cat

If you stay fit and eat right you never need worry about weight . If you’re sitting
In bed eating chips and cookies in front of the tv
Regardless of wether you put on weight , plain and simple – have some respect
For your body ! You are what you eat . People
May not get fat but get cancer etc . My body is my temple and
Unless you’re paralyzed , stop making excuses !!! Get off your ass ! I’ll see you working out . Ciao xx

Reply March 4, 2012, 8:07 am

Joyce

Well, I’m almost 5’10″. I weight 166 pounds, but my hubby thinks I look the best with at least 12 additional pounds (back in 2010, I broke my ankle and due to not being able to work out, I gained a lot of weight) because those 12 additional pounds (according to the pictures he saw of me at that weight) “filled up” my lady parts (boobs) a whole lot. I already have a big butt, but my waist is pretty small, and it usually stays small. I think I have a great body, and I enjoy working out.

Reply November 29, 2011, 2:48 pm

John

Just as a personal note, there are extremes of what people find attractive, my girlfriend is 93lb’s 19 years old and no matter what she does her weight doesn’t fluctuate more than 3 lb’s ever,(been with her 2 years) but she is also 5’2″ and has a cute rear. Oh and B cups look huge on her. Eric is totally right, girls do beat themselves up way too much about their looks(yea even my girl friend does it at 93 pounds) I think its a hormonal thing. Even someone who is slightly “chunky” i may still find attractive even with my love of petite girls. You can’t expect all guys to find u attractive, or to be able to get to that point of everyone thinking u look good. Everyone needs to accept that everyone has different tastes^^^like he said^^^ and all u can do is be an attractive person to yourself and someone will “like what your selling” so to say.

Reply November 24, 2011, 11:56 am

Frederica Bimble

Don’t start with the ‘hormonal thing’ because men are more hormonal than women. At least they have more of the hormone that makes a person sporadic, unpredictable, violent and desiring of sex all the time: testosterone. Both men and women have male and female hormones but women do not have as much so that sexist belief that has come about has been created through ignorance.
Some of the more insecure men like to throw out the acronym ‘PMS’ around and then make ‘jokes’ about hormones. The reason why men don’t like it if a woman has PMS is because she is behaving like a man. Yep, during that one week or so, her male hormones rise or rather the female ones drop and in the dropping the result is that more male hormone is present. Their behaviour becomes more male like. Violent, impulsive, irrational, quick tempered, angry sometimes. Those are predominately male traits, rather, they’re the male traits no one wants to deal with.
So, the next time you find yourself slipping and saying ‘women are hormonal’ remember that that information is wrong and if you were to say it in the presence of a biological scientist (like me) you’d display your ignorance.
No, I’m sure you’re not going to go and set the world straight on this but it’s good to have knowledge.
You can look up Gloria Steinham’s famous speech about the paradox of ‘PMT.’
Just remember that men are more hormonal than women but society lets men get away with bad behaviour whereas those same traits displayed in a woman are condemned.
It’s a shame and here’s to hoping to a more balanced future where insulting each other goes the way of the Dodo.

Reply January 21, 2012, 11:41 pm

Deborah

and by the way, just one other little point. I really DO love myself. I have an inner voice that can’t stop telling me how beautiful I am, I don’t know where it comes from and why, but despite that I’m an 8 and not a perfect 10, I tend to always “feel” like an 11.

It doens’t make people flock to me. I’m a very kind and smart woman, but it doesn’t make people flock to me. Instead it draws ugly people who try to victimize you with their bitterness, insecurities, smallness, and ignorance trying to make you one of them!

But it doens’t work. Not for long anyway. It’s just sickening that people do this.

But yeah I love myself, quite a bit. so much that I think men don’t want me because for some reason they expect women to be soft and easy to trample over, and I’m really nice but I really don’t take any crap, and I deal with it in such a nice way too.

these ladies out there who say they have given their lives, and ended up treated abusively, who are starting to stand up for themselves, have this hopeful thought in their heads that if they take the blame for being pushovers, if they learn to love and respect themselves that they will start meeting good guys, and that really the whole time they were drawing people in because they had some sort of aura of doormatism.

that’s not what it is. I’m not a doormat and I know that the truth is, men are aggressive, and they want us to be doormats. They really do push us to that. the fact that I’m a little impossible to push the situation to be unfair and uneven like that (I have Asperger’s Syndrome so my strong sense of fairness cannot be crossed or changed), I’m not mean, or angry, I’m very PLEASANT, but the fact that I’m very logical and aware, and I am very hard to push into things because of my ASD, I seem stubborn but it’s just how I am, I’m fair and I cannot allow things to be unfair…make men turn very bitter and treat me like I’m terrible for not allowing them to step all over me.

Now once I have let them know, I’m not angry at all. I’m still the same happy person, but they really stomp off.

So it has NOTHING to do with your aura. People come to you with their intensions and if they succeed then they succeed, it makes them happy, and if they do not succeed they are mean and cruel if you cannot comply. It has nothing to do with the love inside you. It has to do with their intensions. If they come to me looking for love…and they succeed they will be happy!

:)

Reply November 23, 2011, 10:35 am

Eric Charles

Well hey, I guess you’ve got it all figured out then. :)
.
At the time this article was written, and in the mid-2000s, things were different. Nicole and Paris had voices in the media and the subliminal message was to be a twig.
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What you take as commonplace thinking now (of looking at Kim K’s body as an ideal) was not how it was a mere few years ago. I’m glad things have shifted.
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But I mean… jeez… settle down with the tone a bit. Somehow I just don’t believe you when you have to convince me that you’re “PLEASANT” in all caps and that men are these awful creatures just waiting to take advantage of the sweet, perfectly angelic women.
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If you want to have a mindset that men are evil… fine. It will damage your ability to have relationships and further embitter you. And it will convince you that you’re “right”.
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But I don’t indulge in that type of victim-thinking and fortunately much of the audience here sees through it to.
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Take it elsewhere.

Reply November 23, 2011, 3:17 pm

Eric Charles

(On the other hand… if you want to comment or play devils advocate from a more grounded place, no prob – but the second I see a woman going on and on about how men are evil I put the kibosh on it pronto. It’s mental/emotional poison, it’s false and I don’t want it here.)

Reply November 23, 2011, 3:19 pm

Diana

Wow Deborah, I don’t recall your prior comments. But this comment standing on its on touches a cord with me. I totally feel you <3

Reply August 14, 2013, 3:47 pm

Deborah

Well it would be idiotic to say that we want to be that ultra skinny. First of all Kim Kardashian is what most women want to look like, figurewise, and secondly, she is pretty thin! We also ARE thinking about fat, not weight. It’s just that the scale is the easiest way to tell when we’ve gone up or down, for those who do not weight train. Women who do weight train are very much aware of the weight of fat versus muscle.

You really taking us for idiots.

But what you are trying to do it annoying, because there are millions of articles helping women get men, and yet men are sitting there like lumps in their research ventures. I started to write a few very insightful things, helpful things to what men can do to attract and keep a good woman, and to my shock, men are not interested in reading it. Here they go around glum that they can’t find a good one, and they don’t even want to know how. All they want is for us to do all the self-perfecting, and work on ourselves.

The truth is, everyone has to change and improve, I just didn’t know that the male gender is ignorant to this concept. it’s too much work already to try to satisfy you guys…it’s too stressful, and really if you guys aren’t going to bother, then it’s really a whole waste of time and heart.

-Deborah

Reply November 23, 2011, 10:24 am

Eric Charles

You’re wrong.
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Women are influenced by the airbrushed, false images in magazines. I don’t see as much of the anorexia pushing compared to a few years ago, but to say that it doesn’t influence and deflate the confidence of many women is inaccurate.
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And do you know what all the guys say (who are seeking dating advice)? They say, “Why do WE have to do all the work, while women just throw on a sexy outfit and makeup and they can have any guy they want…”
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And if YOU are the one who wants a change in your relationship, it doesn’t matter if you think other people should be working to make your dreams and fantasies come true… doesn’t work that way. If you want change, YOU put in the work. If you don’t want to put in any effort to change the situation, then just accept it and stop complaining.
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I give women my opinion on relationships and what will help create that change. You can only control yourself, not anyone else. Blaming everyone for not doing what you want is not effective.
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There are millions upon millions of men who rabidly consume dating advice for men. They just won’t *admit* it to you or others. Men consume their dating advice in private. But I know because I work with men too and I work in the industry – it wouldn’t shock me if more men are into dating advice than women at this point…
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As for “taking you for idiots”, that’s your personal opinion. I actually highly value the A New Mode audience and the women tend to be considerably above average intelligence… But when writing for an audience, you can’t assume everyone is on the same page unless you state the basics too.

Reply August 23, 2012, 3:54 pm

Mia

Wow! good job Eric I think you did a great job answering this question. There was no sugar coating anything and I didn’t have any “but what about…” questions. And I definitely agree with guys liking girls that are about 10 to 15 lbs over because I hang with a lot of guys and they always tell me that not every guy wants to be with a girl who’s looks fragile like a twig. Which always makes me feel great because I’m not too big or too small, I’m perfectly equally proportioned and it’s awesome.

Reply November 23, 2011, 2:46 am

lizzy

i completely agree with the ratios part, well could you please specify what kind of ratio is sexy or ideal for someone who is 5 feet 6.5 inches tall (that’s me) ? I have SERIOUSLY failed to figure out what kind of body is perfect for me and yeah that is attractive too.

Reply November 22, 2011, 9:02 am

Franki Bittner

I think at times, women need to realize — that men (like all humans with natural urges), they need some cushion for the pushin’. “Too skinny” can never be a fun time.

Reply November 8, 2011, 7:21 pm

Tami

I thought it was awesome and right on point

Reply November 5, 2011, 6:17 pm

Beth

I have been looking for that study for a while now! I remember hearing something about it in a psychology class in college, and I’ve been looking for where it came from.

There’s also now research that suggests that if a woman has a higher level of education, there is also weight forgiveness, meaning a guy will look past a few extra lbs when she has a PhD!

Reply November 1, 2011, 10:25 am

Mel

I feel like half, if not all of the girl’s who were offended by this article barely read it, or the comments. I’m one of those naturally thin girls who used to get mocked and called anorexic, disgustingly thin, not womanly – and yeah, it f*cking hurt my feelings. I cried a lot. I would eat until I felt nauseous in hopes of gaining weight. It also really hurt that everyone assumed I thought I was fat, or that when I said I wanted to work out, they would yell “Oh my god! You’re already skinny!” as if weight loss was the only possible motivation for working out. Whenever I did eat, people would mutter something about bulimia. I am always telling people that skinny girls get as much, if not more flack than thick, chubby, or even healthy weight girls (it amazes me how it’s considered so rude and offensive to call a girl fat or a pig but calling a girl anorexic and boney is not). But you know what? I’m NOT offended.

This article is great; Eric, you did a great job at answering a really, really tough and sensitive question. We asked for an honesty answer, so it’s not fair to call him rude just because it isn’t exactly nice to hear! He said over and over again that he does not condemn girls who are naturally thin, nor that ALL women with eating disorders are shallow! Seriously, read the plain written text! He said that all men have different ideas of what is attractive, but that IN GENERAL, the weight that women perceive as ideal (from a man’s perspective), is usually lower than what men actually prefer. This is not “coddling” or “favoring” a certain demographic, it’s just facts. Of course there are men who prefer really skinny girls. There are also men who look at women of healthy weight and consider them too skinny, favoring bigger boned, curvier, or even overweight women. He is simply debunking the myth that ALL men prefer women who look like fashion models. THAT IS ALL. Sure, it’s harsh to call girls who diet and starve themselves to the point of undernourishment “disgusting,” but it’s true. Having an illness ** is not the same as wanting to be skinny and boney because of how it looks. He said that to reiterate the point that women do not have to be fashion- model skinny to be desirable to men. In fact, when women who’s natural body weight isn’t super- fashion-model- skinny, it looks gross when they get down to that size because it’s OBVIOUS that is not how THEIR body should NATURALLY look. Girls who are naturally very skinny have a small frame in general. I’m 5 foot 10, and a size 5. If I were to try to be a size 2 I would look sickly because I have a larger bone structure. There are girls out there who are 5 foot 10 and naturally a size 2, and while many think they look too skinny-further reinforcing Eric’s message about attractiveness-, it’s clear by their bone structure that it is their body’s natural weight. It doesn’t look the same as if I were to be a size 2 (my rib cage and hip bones would be absolutely protruding).

Before going to fire off a comment about how offended you are, seriously, read. And then read again. THEN… think! It’s right there in front of you.

** I would like to clarify that I am not clueless when it comes to ED’s. I’ve known girls with, and who suffered from anorexia and bulimia. I’ve also studied them. It is very much an illness, and not only about weight or looks- but about control and has roots in depression and anxiety. That said, it almost always starts as a diet to look better and be thinner. Look up “thinspo” on Google and you’ll see what I mean. While ED’s are psychological disorders and illnesses, they are not that same as an illness such as one commenter mentioned not being able to take in nutrients. Dieting, fasting, purging – those are conscious choices which unfortunately spiral out of control. Not being able to take in nutrients is not conscious and therefore should not even be compared to an eating disorder.

Reply November 1, 2011, 1:48 am

D

I wish to thank you for your feedback and suggestions provided to us.
Please keep up the good work, we need your advice.

Reply October 30, 2011, 3:48 am

tom

The Real Truth (take it from someone who’s been there and back again several times) is that men just don’t give a damn what you look like. Just be cool to them. Everyone is beautiful in their own way and a change in your appearance is just that: a change. Most all changes are lateral. You had a perfect body before and you have a perfect body now. It’s just different. An PLEASE in The Name Of All That Is Holy, understand that magazines are just trying to sell you stuff and don’t represent reality in any way, shape, or form.

Reply October 24, 2011, 9:11 am

Charm

I am in that category that falls under “skinny,” and I’m 5’0″, 90 Ibs, just turned 16 years old. I am taking a weight training class everyday at school, but I am still this small. It bothers me, yes, but I try not to let it affect my life.
When someone says, “wow, you’re REALLY skinny” I try not to take it offensively. I only say “yeah. Well, that’s mother nature for yah.”
I think that it’s only personal if you take it personally. I can’t change everyone’s opinions, but that doesn’t mean that they can change mine into believing that I am too small.
Yes, I am tiny, but I’m proud of that. My guy friends say they like hanging out because I’m down to Earth and don’t mind jokes.
I know I should take care of my body, and I do. I think that the best thing to do now is just let nature, and my workout/weight training plan continue.
If you’re physically healthy, you should be happy.
I just wanted to share this.
Thank you for the article. It really reassured me. You know the best thing about being small? When a guy likes you, you KNOW he likes you for your personality, not your body- which I know some of my friends have had a problem with.

So thank you. :)

Reply October 20, 2011, 10:51 pm

Vai

I agree with your points and like how you kept mentioning that skinny girls are attractive too if they are healthy. I think this type of information is what a lot of girls need to hear these days because many girls look in the mirror or step on the scale and think it’s okay to change their body to look different than what it looks like naturally. It’s like they’re changing their makeup or jewelry. They don’t realize that there is beauty in all body types and being healthy means a lot. I used to wish I wasn’t so skinny and had curves and I felt ugly. I tried to gain weight before and and all kinds of unhealthy foods because the healthy fats were not enough. Girls don’t usually do this type of thing these days, so I can see why it wasn’t in the article. But, I think it relates because it’s not healthy to have abnormal eating habits just for vanity and it doesn’t make you attractive, especially if you don’t look and feel like yourself.

Reply October 19, 2011, 10:16 am

Manay

I think you did a great job of covering the topic eric. it annoys me when people sugar coat the truth so having your honest opinion is helpful. Both sides whether skinny or curvy whatever the case may be are beautiful for all women but being comfortable with who you are is what is most important. i am about 5”2 and my friends and family always tell me that i am ‘curvy’ or healthy although i used to feel so fat and i didnt understand why they would just sugar coat the truth and not just tell me to hit the gym and work out. no one will ever tell you that your fat to your face or that your too skinny because they dont want to offend you. i personally still have insecurities about my body but try to work at it. and when it comes to guys ive noticed that yeah they like curvy girls or skinnier girls but they simply like healthier girls, someone who can be herself be confident.
thanks or the article eric, it’s straight forward, the way you see yourself is how a guy will see you. :)

Reply October 19, 2011, 3:52 am

M

I think you did a great job. I believe every girl is sexy in her own way. Physical attraction is the first step, but personality (inner beautiful) is what keeps the guy around. I never think it’s right to use weight as a ruler for hotness. Some people look good with more meat on their bones and some don’t. I believe girls have body curves, great personality, smart and feel good about themselves very attractive. Some men do like mean girls, but those are exceptions I guess. :) You are doing a great job Eric. I love the article you said about “why my guy is withdrawing” the best. Keep up the good work!!

Reply October 19, 2011, 1:59 am

Maiko

My opinion is that a girls who are too skinny look really old. Compare them to senior citizens and you will find the same hollowness on the cheeks, skinny necks, veiny arms etc

Nature has made sure that women can breastfeed and have children by adding higher bodyfat on women.

Reply October 16, 2011, 1:17 pm

Ronique

I totally agree with you Eric. Some woman on this post simply cannot handle the truth so I guess going back and forth with you is their way of expressing themselves. In my opinion, you couldn’t have chose a better way to say what you had to say. I always thought that what guys really wanted was a woman with a small skinny woman, but I guess I was wrong. I myself have a small frame but I still have my curves which every woman should embrace but I mean it shouldn’t even be about that because a guy should like you for you!

Great Post!
P.S. – I find all your advice very helpful, even my friend is going to subscribe!

Reply October 14, 2011, 4:52 am

Sumit Arora

Whatever you have said is absolutely correct and i believe you have covered all the points where there is nothing left to add it, yeah i do love the waist of the girls which is the first thing that attract me most. Woman who have attitude and rude, etc doesnt matter how beautiful she is to be she never be attractive.

Reply October 14, 2011, 1:50 am

Jeff

Why do people waste time with this shit ? I love really skinny girls OK ! Just my choice OK ! Why don’t you just harass people over the colour car they bought ? They just liked it & bought it OK ! Why do you ask such questions ? Get a life & a really hot skinny girl !!!

Reply October 13, 2011, 12:53 am

Rhonda

I really enjoyed reading this particular article. In this day and age, many women are so concerned with their weight that they sometimes can take it to unhealthy extremes. I myself dont find ultra skinny women very attractive looking but you will find men who like that particular type. For example, my brother…he is attracted to tall skinny women. Every single girlfriend of his has been tall and skinny. I have met a few of them and my first thought has always been that I wanted to take them home and feed them a proper meal to put some meat on their bones…lol. But some of them were like that due to it being their natural physique and a few others exercised and dieted to get that way. I didnt judge them because its not my job to do so. But I have found just like you stated in your article, that most men do tend to go for a woman who is curvier and is healthy looking. As for myself, Im a Hispanic woman…who is naturally curvy….but I do have to put an effort into being that way because the way my body type is…Im thick waisted…When I gain weight, it automatically falls to my middle first (really wish it would go to my butt first)…but thats just me. Its the same body I will always have for the rest of my life so I know what I need to do with it in order to keep it the way that I want it to look. And another point to make is that when a woman has had children…its a pretty common thing that her body will change. She will not have the same body that she had before she had kids. If she diets, eats healthy and exercises, she might be able to get down to her pre-baby weight but her body shape will have changed slightly…Some are luckier than others that that can sometimes be a good thing. Bottom line to it all….every woman should embrace her body…love herself for who she is…there is a man out there that will look at you and find you to be the most beautiful thing he has ever seen in his life(you will be his ideal) even though you may not think it about yourself…Accept your flaws because they make you who are, unique. But if you are not happy with the way that you look or your weight, then do something productive and change it…Change your eating habits…cut somethings out such as sodas, sugar and sweets…eat in moderation, drink lots of water…and get physical, even if its just walking outside around the block a few times a week….The first workout/step is always the hardest to do. Set a goal for yourself and when you reach that goal…reward yourself and set up a new goal. Love and respect yourself ladies…do that and everything else will fall into place. :)

Reply October 10, 2011, 12:44 pm

lucy

Nicely handled : ) I am naturally slim, I can eat n e fing n not gain a £, I always wanted 2 b a bit heavier (a lot of ppl 4get not every1 wants 2 b skinny) so I figured y spend 2 much time stressin wen I av a nice figure. I aint gona change myself 4 no bloke I am quite happy in my skin.
Ppl r too highly subjective fanks 2 da media dats da problem, unti ppl learn how 2 switch off da tv & switch on their brain, they r neva gona appreciate wot they av till its gone

Reply October 7, 2011, 11:50 pm

TrulyTee

I love this post, it ends all my curiousity towards a man and his preference towards women and weight.

Reply October 6, 2011, 10:16 am

Eric Charles

Thank you – and nicely said. :)

Reply October 5, 2011, 6:21 pm

Guinevere

Awesomely said Eric; clear, to the point and very sensitively stated.
I have always understood that what women believe about theirs and other women’s bodies, is very rarely what men would find attractive. We’re too harsh on ourselves, too vindictive about our bodies and generally our own worst enemies. As soon as we realize that accepting our flaws, working on our weaknesses and flaunting our strengths is the route to take, we will have found the way to a sexier, healthier and more attractive woman.

Reply October 5, 2011, 3:44 am

1lb is 1lb Eric Charles READ THIS! THANKS!

Hello Everyone,

I am 6ft tall male teenager and I weigh 130lbs, I do 100 pushups and situps everyday (I am not over-training because I can easily do 300+ PROPER pushups/situps a day; over-training only occurs if you train past your bodies limit to heal). I have about 3% body fat, which is 3.9lbs of me being fat, my lean mass is 126.1lbs. A guy with 30% body fat and same lean mass as me would be 163.9lbs in weight. I eat 3000-4000 calories every single day, I am on cross country and have a fast metabolism so I have to eat a lot to maintain myself. Keeping track of your calories and protein intake in a notepad can be essential to achieving your healthy body. Eat in proportion to how much energy your body is spending everyday.

One lb of muscle weighs one lb and one lb of fat weighs…. drum roll please… ONE POUND! OMFG IT’S A MIRACLE! Actually, NO! This article shows a fundamental lack of understanding of the topic at hand. Muscle is more dense than fat and a pound of muscle will look a lot less than a pound of fat because muscle takes up less room. MUSCLE DOES NOT WEIGH MORE THAN FAT, ONE POUND WEIGHS ONE POUND.

That is why the weight on the scale doesn’t matter. The amount of lean body mass and your fat % are what do matter. Let us consider someone with the exact same height, and metabolism: a person who is 130lbs anorexic with 52lbs of fat will have a lean body mass of 78lbs and look EXPONENTIALLY FATTER than a healthy woman who eats well and exercises to maintain her muscle mass and has 20% body fat weighing 130lbs but only 26lbs of that is fat.

Further, just having muscle burns calories, it is known as your resting metabolism. What this means is the healthy woman can eat A TON more than the anorexic woman and still remain skinnier. The point here is that you should be worrying about building muscle/maintaining muscle and losing fat down to 10-25% range. Fat takes up TREMENDOUS amounts of room as apposed to MUSCLE. Fat does not burn calories when you do nothing, but MUSCLE DOES. It is not biologically possible to become huge hulks as a woman unless you take steroids , or other illicit substances. In conclusion ladies, worry about gaining/maintaining muscle and losing fat, not about losing weight. Losing muscle+fat=bad, losing fat down to 10-25% range AND gaining/keeping muscle = YES!

Reply September 30, 2011, 9:08 pm

Eric Charles

First – congrats dude on being so in shape. That’s admirable.
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But where do you get that I think a pound of muscle weighs more than a pound of fat? A pound is a weight unit, of course one pound of one thing weighs the same as something else.
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If you took two people that took up the same space (volume), but one person’s composition was much more fat and much less muscle than the other person (a “skinny-fat” person vs. a ripped person), the ripped person would weigh more, since muscle is denser. Never said otherwise.
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So I don’t think anything you said disagrees with anything I said… Just saying..
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Personally, I study up on fitness and dieting. But I keep things simple for the article.

Reply September 30, 2011, 10:05 pm

Haley

Ugh, it disappoints me to see people on both sides getting so up in arms over this article. Eric is not advocating for any singular body type, he’s saying eat well, exercise frequently, and your body will fall into the naturally beautiful shape it can be. Whether it’s on the curvy side or the lithe side is of no consequence; fit=sexy – PERIOD. Letting yourself become too heavy or too skinny is NOT and it shows not only in your body, but in your health attributes and in other parts of your appearance as well. This is honestly one of the best articles I’ve ever read about this issue; props, man.

Haley
GoAskHaley.com

Reply September 10, 2011, 6:46 pm

Eric Charles

Exactly. Thanks Haley. ;)

Reply September 11, 2011, 12:33 am

Maya

This was a good article… I have been one of those skinny girls all my life… and have had many people criticize me for being skinny.. as a teenager there were a bunch of girls who would tell me i look disgusting… of course my feelings were hurt then… but as i am older now it doesnt bug me anymore… and those same girls are now some heavy unhealthy hefers in their older age… so it sort of makes me laugh to myself (but thats just me silently getting my revenge)……. Anyway… I now spend regular time in the gym, do weights, running and swimming mostly and eat as well as i could (with some occasional pizza and because i just love it)…. But i strive now to have a healthy lifestyle …. health and balance is my main goal .. and i do agree with the article when it emphasizes health rather than actual size or weight…. the truth is… guys like different things.. and no one girl will be ideal for all men in the world… some will like you and some wont… and just because the scale says you are 10 or 15 lbs more or less … doesnt mean this will increase or decrease your chances of more men liking you…. the same number of guys will like you as before…. it will just be a different set of men who like that sort of girl…… I for one am a girl who likes a certain type of man…. I like lean guys… and if a guy with a big frame and naturally big bulky body type tried to force himself to be lean just to satisfy my person likes… he probably will look like crap and im still not going to find him attractive because he will now look unatural … in fact i would probably find he looks worse than his bulky self…. his natural healthy self is to be bulky (and thats the best for him) … and changing that is probably not going to do him justice…. I guess my point is… Girls need to not worry about what guys like… but pay attention to what makes them feel good…. if you are healthy then you will be looking and feeling your best… and in this case there will be more than a few men who will find you are the best looking girl they ever saw in their lives….regardless of what the scale says …… thanks for the article eric!

Reply September 5, 2011, 12:57 am

Eric Charles

Good comment and I agree completely.

Reply September 5, 2011, 11:12 am

LilyDevine

Hey.Im a 15 yearr oldd girl who weights 86 poundss and im thin and im 5’0 ft tall and i cant gain weight i eatt alot trust mei eat 4 times a dayy and i was wondering what medications to use so i can gain weight and stuff thanks
-ps.Lily<3

Reply August 31, 2011, 11:26 pm

HG

As long as the girl is not too fat guys shouldn’t mind, and a lot of girls look better with a little bit of fat that with no fat at all, but it all depends on the body. The face is what’s most important.

Reply August 27, 2011, 3:52 pm

Mary

A critical person is one who chooses to see and comment on the negative. (Yes, it is a choice)
There is ALWAYS something beautiful about EVERY person. We must choose to look for the beauty and purposefully comment on that. The words we use have power. We should use our words to build others up not tear others down.

Reply August 18, 2011, 3:46 pm

Mary

Bottom line…..no matter what you weigh, what clothing style you wear or how old you are, somebody is going to have something critical to say about you. I have come to the conclusion that critical people are NOT happy people. I have never known a happy person who was critical of others.
As a result……I don’t listen to critical people, no matter who they are. I have compassion for them and I hope that their lives get better soon.

Reply August 18, 2011, 3:33 pm

Megan

@Liz Find a man who thinks ridiculously skinny unhealthily women are attractive, then your point will be valid.

Reply August 16, 2011, 4:47 am

sam

@Megan. If people are obviously troubled because they CAN’T be heavier or it’s hard for them to be, why do you have to grind salt in the wound? I’m young and I move around a lot so it’s hard for me. I think what you wrote is extremely insensitive and for lack of a better word cruel. I weighed a healthy amount and I was happy about that, but suddenly something changed one summer. I lost 10 pounds (95.5) and grew two inches (5’4”)and come weigh in time (in-class weigh in where they said your weight out-loud)every single girl in my gym class spread rumors about me. Now I’m a social outcast who everyone thinks has low self-esteem, is anorexic, is “easy”, and has sti’s. None of which were true, but after the treatment I became truely sick of myself and felt like I was the most unattractive girl in school. I work out for atleast 1 hour a day trying to gain muscle since an entire summer of lack of exercise and eating proved a lack of results and a lowered immune system.
ALTHOUGH!! I think Eric did a great job and wasn’t offended by him since he clarifed (several times) that it was women that TRIED to be super skinny that were truely unappealing. I have to say I do feel better about myself and am ready to face the new school year. :D

Reply September 14, 2011, 3:40 pm

Eric Charles

Hey Sam,
.
Thanks – although to be totally honest, I did rewrite the article because there were some things I said originally that came out wrong.
.
It sounds like you are making a good choice towards being healthy.
.
If I were to write an article like this again, I would basically say that it’s in every woman’s best interest to aim towards great fitness vs. “skinniness”. Fitness is so hot I can’t even convey…
.
Your body type isn’t as important as your fitness – I’m attracted to all different body types (apple, pear, hourglass, etc. etc.), but how *fit* she is determines how sexy she is.
.
Although six-pack abs on a chick is… ummm… not my preference. That’s too much.

Reply September 14, 2011, 5:57 pm

christen

Hi eric. Thanks for the article. I recently gained weight due to medication my doctor put me on. I was 100 pounds when I started the medication, now I am 130 lbs. I went from an A cup to a DD cup. I felt huge and fat. My husband actually is happier with me having meat on my bones. I also work out 4 days a week, lift weights, run, yoga….the fact is, I get hit on more now then when I was 100 lbs. I really think guys like a woman who is toned, not skin and bone. I am learning to love my body and dress appropriately for my new body type; which is curvy. Women should love what they look like. As long as you are healthy and exercise in moderation who cares how much the scales says. Muscle weighs more than fat. I would rather have big boobs and have a curvy figure than be anorexic and depressed like I was. Anyway. Thanks for the article!

Reply July 4, 2011, 2:08 pm

Liz

Completely agree with Kathleen. You’re coddling a certain demographic of women while belittling another by using your personal opinion. Believe it or not, thin girls have just as low self esteem as overweight girls. You can’t tell someone how attractive they are to all men based on what you find attractive. There are a million more aspects to attractiveness besides body type anyway.

Reply June 21, 2011, 5:19 pm

Naomi

Great post Eric! I enjoyed reading it!

A note to the folks who were offended by Eric’s post:

I say that as long as your doctor tells you that you’re healthy, you’re getting daily exercise, and you’re eating healthy foods and portions…..whatever weight you are, whether one would consider it “skinny” or “heavy”, weight won’t really matter. Good health comes first! And if you’re ill, naturally under-weight/over-weight or taking medication, it still applies. Even if it’s a struggle to get healthy, as long as you make the effort and aim to get healthy, that’s good! The effort is what counts!

If someone judges you harshly by your looks/physique BUT you’re healthy or trying to get healthy…Their opinion shouldn’t matter to you. What matters is how you feel about yourself! If you can’t love yourself, and take pride in your health or your effort in getting healthy, you will be hurt and bitter for life.

Reply May 2, 2011, 9:04 pm

Eric Charles

@Nadine Gotcha, I agree with you.

Reply April 23, 2011, 4:14 pm

Nadine

Sure, but you should do it for yourself. That’s what I’m saying. I just find it really stupid if someone diets just bc she thinks she needs to to get a man bc people tell her that there is an “ideal” body she should have. I mean, I wouldn’t sit down and eat a tub of ice cream but not bc I’m afraid I might gain weight – you would have to do that every day anyways then and not once in a while – but just bc I personally don’t like ice cream. But if someone does and would like to eat it and doesn’t bc she’s scared she’s never going to meet somebody if she does this is sad. And the society tells women exactly that. Sure, it’s important for everyone to stay fit and healthy and I am not saying they shouldn’t – but they should do it for themselves and not for another person.

Reply April 23, 2011, 2:03 pm

Eric Charles

@Nadine – I agree with you for the most part. I do not recommend eating a tub of ice cream – it’s true some men prefer women with more body fat % than others, but it would be a bad idea to throw caution to the wind and just eat junk. Most food and drink readily available today is horrible for you. Our lifestyle is increasingly sedentary. While having a little more meat on your bones isn’t going to be a deal breaker, it’s best to pursue being as healthy and fit as possible. DO NOT take your body for granted… staying fit gets more challenging as you get older for a variety of reasons and it’s best you invest in and care for your body now.

Reply April 23, 2011, 5:07 am

Nadine

Gosh, this is ridiculous! You could also ask “How much should a man weight to be found attractive?” I mean, seriously, there are BILLIONS of different people out there. Everyone of them finds something completely different attractive. You shouldn’t care about how much you “should” weight so that a man finds you attractive you should be happy with your body yourself! Why do so many women need the “approval” of a man. It’s like they don’t have brains themselves. Do you really need a man who tells you how much body fat you should have on you or that you should work out more to be even more appealing? Work out if YOU like to do that and don’t always be concerned about how a man would see you. Eat a tub of ice cream if you enjoy to do that and stop caring so much what other people think. You all like different kinds of men also why would it be different for them?

Reply April 22, 2011, 6:31 pm

Eric Charles

@M – This article is not referring to people with medical conditions. I wish you good luck with that, but having an illness is not aspiring to be sickly thin like Nicole Richie circa 2005.
.
@Ariel – I’m going to be really, really honest with you. It’s tough caring about image, and women have to do it more than guys. Frankly, I just wanted to write an article that would save a few girls from becoming bulimic. I have nothing against women who are naturally skinny. Nobody should give you crap about you being “too skinny” or something along those lines. None of their business. Didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.
.
To anyone that doesn’t have this clear: If you are naturally skinny, good for you. One less thing to worry about. But if you aren’t, it’s not the end of the world. Do the best you can with your diet and exercise, live a healthy lifestyle and I promise there will be plenty of men who think your body is ideal.

Reply April 13, 2011, 4:36 am

Ariel

I come from a culture where curvier women are more accepted/appreciated than skinny ones. I am naturally skinny, and would like to point out that all my life I’ve got as much grief about my weight as an obese girl would. Everywhere I go people think they have a right to comment on my body, and because this has happened all my life I’ve had to struggle with body image issues throughout my teens. I never thought I was beautiful until I changed my dating habits and met non abusive men who were genuinely attracted to me. There are men out there who prefer naturally skinny women: I know because I have dated some of them! But it is absolutely soul destroying when a man you are intimate with makes you feel like less of a woman because of certain culture specific assumptions about how big your breasts or thighs should be. And to be described as nauseating or disgusting doesn’t help much either. I was very offended by the obvious bias in this article against naturally skinny women.

Reply April 13, 2011, 12:51 am

Haley

Ahhh, I’m just like you. I particularly hate the perceived notion that women need to have huge boobs, hips, or thighs to be considered “womanly” or “attractive”. I have a very lithe figure, lacking in assets, so I was HARDCORE made fun of when I was younger (and even now…). I’ve had loser guy after loser guy comment negatively on my appearance; people really underestimate how much flack skinny girls get. I don’t think Eric was saying anything against us naturally skinny girls, though. Just girls who clearly go out of their way to be sickly skinny.

Reply September 14, 2011, 4:25 pm

charishs

i luv this article…luv it, luv it…

Reply April 2, 2011, 10:11 pm

moi

I’ve been out with all kinds shapes/sizes of women…
Bottom line – I PREFER the SLENDER ones!!!

Reply March 3, 2011, 2:24 am

cara

i was sooo pleased to hear this and thank you for your honet opinions xx

Reply February 14, 2011, 9:08 pm

M

I suffer from a condition that doesn’t let me take in necessary nutrients all the time and so I end up painfully thin, pale and dark circles under my eyes, along with a lot else.
I thought i’d let you know that using words like “nauseating” and “disgusting” are very offensive, and i’m sure everyone whos gets thin/is thin would agree with me, so obviously you didn’t think about that when you wrote this article.
I know you said it would be harsh, but that was too far. You may have helped those who are bigger and healthy to feel better but you’ll have made people who are already like that just think less of themselves.
I have nothing against you, what you write is very useful, it’s just those words are incredibly cruel, I can’t help how I am and there are a lot of others who are in the same position, so next time you write, could you use words that are less offensive? It doesn’t bother me so much now, but had I seen that a year or so ago I would have been very upset about it, so please think about the people that might upset. Just trying to help out for their sakes :)

Reply January 28, 2011, 4:38 pm

Victoria

Wow, I recently came across your website by pure luck and I love it!!!! Thanks for all the good advice, you’re awesome!

Reply January 26, 2011, 2:43 am

Nelsie

Thanks so much for your honest answer to such a difficult question. People need to understand that your just one guy answering this question. I think your awesome. That’s why I read your articles. To get a male’s point of view on things.

Reply February 26, 2010, 9:37 pm

Richelle

It’s difficult to answer these kinds of questions… “what do you REALLY think?” without offending someone. Whenever you get into someones head you’re bound to be offended by something. If we asked any offended poster what they thought on a particular subject matter, their thoughts would most likely offend someone. However, it is nice to be told the truth even if it is offensive to some. I agree with you Eric. It’s important that when asked an open question that you honestly (and as gently as possible) answer it. And Eric I think you did just that.

I don’t know the secret to happiness but the secret to unhappiness is trying to please everyone. – Bill Cosby

On the subject of weight and men…
I have 3 brothers and many male friends and I find that men tend to look at one type of woman but tend to want to be with someone totally different. It’s been my experience that men will hangout with, date and have fun with the skinner women. But the woman they end up with are usually the ones with that extra 10-15 lbs you were talking about.

Healthier, happier and confident is always the way to go at any size, ladies!
RM

Reply February 17, 2010, 8:29 pm

Jessica

Ugh I agree! Just stop it with the pity party already! sorry if this seems a little mean, but the truth of the matter is, that girls who are really skinny sometimes do look sickly and disgusting, and a lot of times they are. If you’re one of those girls who is just naturally that way, that’s great! Congrats! Be proud of it and don’t take it so flipp’in personal.
As for this article, I loved it. I totally agree that we as women need to love ourselves and be positive about life, which is exactly what I try to do. I may not be perfectly thin, but I know I’m beautiful simply because that is how I feel. And I am not losing weight because I want to be disgustingly skinny, (Oops! Can i still say that?_) I am doing it so that I can keep feeling great and stay healthy. :-)

Reply February 17, 2010, 8:14 pm

Christine

omg this girl needs to let this go.

kathleen, nobody agrees with you. eric has been more than polite and patient with you, if it were me i would have told you to take a hike a long time ago. everyone knows that you weren’t having ‘a bit of fun’ with your comments. you were totally serious and being a whiny little brat because you didn’t like hearing eric tell you the truth.

thank you eric for spreading the gospel. and btw i am very fit, but i take care of myself. just because some girls have eating disorders and get offended doesn’t mean that eric should need to consider their feelings… like they’re not normal ppl anyway.

Reply February 17, 2010, 7:38 pm

Kathleen

Believe it or not, I am not that aggrieved.
OK, a little, but I was also having a bit of fun.
It is now clear that you are not having as much fun, so I will desist after this.

But let me say one more thing- don’t assume that because no one else expressed the opinions I have, no one else thinks them. People who feel they are in the minority opinion tend to be reluctant to express it.

Reply February 17, 2010, 6:21 pm

Eric Charles

@Kathleen

OK, that’s your interpretation of the article. Nobody else commented that they interpreted that way. In fact, after your comments a couple of people reinforced my points. So while I do not agree that I was coddling or pandering to an imagined audience, I do write with an audience in mind. But again, I don’t sugarcoat because that’s harmful to our readers.

Don’t assume that just because you have a problem with this article that other people do. Worry about yourself – everyone else can take care of themselves, they don’t need you to do it. If they’re offended, they can post a comment just like you.

Again, I think we’ve said everything that needs to be said. You said your view, I said mine. I don’t have a problem with what you’ve said and I have nothing against you, but I just think we’re at a point where there’s not much more I can say on this.

Reply February 17, 2010, 5:31 pm

Kathleen

Eric, maybe I’m not fully understanding your points, but I honestly don’t think you understood my points, either.
I’m sorry, but the article actually did come across to me as trying to coddle and pander to a certain type of woman, though I’m not sure exactly what type it would be.
I don’t think you can say I’m looking for coddling just because you weren’t clear with your intent.
I don’t think you’re a jerk. I think you were trying to not be too offensive to what you thought your audience would be, and were off a little. That’s what I think.

Reply February 17, 2010, 4:08 pm

Eric Charles

@Kathleen

I don’t disagree with your points, but we’re coming from two different places. And please understand that when I write this, I am coming from a place of appreciation for your comment and giving you my perspective. As I’ve said before, I don’t sugarcoat, but I do say what I say with love.

This article is speaking to aspirations of women. When I wrote this, I was thinking about all of the women that aspire to look anorexic (but currently are at an “attractive” weight) or that beat themselves up about putting on a little weight.

While it’s true that there are more causes to “sickly looking” thinness, you can’t tell me that Nicole Richie or Lindsay Lohan lost all that weight several years ago due to an illness. They made intentional lifestyle choices and flaunted their thinness. Nicole Richie allegedly even had a party invite that only allowed girls who weighed under 100 pounds to attend.

That’s the type of thing I am addressing. I am not here to change human nature: People sometimes jump to conclusions. People sometimes make remarks that are unwarranted. It’s not fair, it’s not nice, but it happens to everyone for any reason you can think of. It doesn’t matter… it is our personal responsibility to rise above snap-judgments that people who don’t know us make. Again, it does not matter.

Furthermore, I have no regard for political correctness. Political correctness is phony and hollow. It helps no one and I think it’s one of the biggest problems in our current society. So I don’t care if saying one thing is politically incorrect and another isn’t.

Society has had different ideas of what the ideal is, over time. A few hundred years ago, what we would currently consider obese was the ideal weight for a woman – that was the “fantasy” body. That was what was considered healthy at that time.

These days we are aware of the dangers of obesity and the value of fitness. In general, men and women consider what looks healthy to be what looks attractive.

I understand that you have had negative personal experiences around this subject and I can empathize with you. But at the same time, I am not going to sugarcoat what I’m saying or coddle you just because you found some of what I wrote upsetting. That’s not to be a jerk – it’s out of respect for you and my own integrity.

I don’t know if you can understand where I’m coming from on this, but I am hoping I’ve made where I’m coming from clear. If you don’t agree, we’ll just have to agree to disagree. Regardless, I appreciate your comments (I sincerely do) and I think you brought up some really good points and discussion.

Auretha

Agreed. As I often say, “It is what it is.”

Reply February 17, 2010, 2:06 pm

Auretha Callison

Just wanted to mention that people have a natural reaction of attraction to aliveness, so no amount of PC or “sugar coating” can prevent us from being repelled by unhealthiness, no matter what words we use.

Reply February 17, 2010, 12:52 pm

Kathleen

Oh, by the way, as far as I know, Megan Fox has stated that she is 5’4″, and she looks to have fairly small frame, so a 23-inch waist is not unreasonable or unbelievable. I’m the same height, definitely small-framed, and have had approximately that same measurement most of my adult life. Not right now, but, hey.

You didn’t really mention frame size, I think in regards to measurements. I think you basically mean to when mentioning shoulders, but there’s more to body frame size than that.
I have a friend (approx same height) who really did have anorexia nervosa, and yes, she got all upset that even when she weighed say 10 pounds less than me, her waist never got smaller than mine, even though by the fact that her ribcage is larger, as are most of her other bones, it is doubtful it ever would. So, yes, there are so many factors in body measurements it’s mid-boggling to try to list them all, really.

Reply February 17, 2010, 12:41 pm

Kathleen

Part of my concern, I guess, on the matter is that it is now not PC, though many still do it, to apply the terms to the very heavy, and it does not matter whether the person is healthy and active, which would indicate it’s natural for that person, or sluggish and barely moving, which would indicate it’s a result of either unhealthy habits-OR medication, illness, etc.

But the thing is, illness and medication can cause the unhealthy, sickly-thin look, too. Yet it’s considered OK for many to label them all “anorexic”, call them names (as if anorexia nervosa is not also an illness which should be treated sensitively), and assume they have shallow motives for looking the way they do. It’s become OK to speculate that an ill-looking thin woman is just trying to be fashionable, and thus be insensitive toward her, as long as we later point out, after the fact, that we really meant that naturally thin women are all fine.

I am not naive enough to not understand there is a difference between naturally thin and sick.

I am just getting so tired of seeing women I think look healthy described with the words I mentioned. And I don’t mean celebs who may look sick in real life but have a healthy glow airbrushed on their pics. I mean catty remarks directed toward everyday women who are close to “ideal” weight, by other everyday women who in some cases are not much heavier than those they disparage.

If the message is that some people, especially women, will always be left out of what is deemed acceptable, and we just need to live with that, it’s been clarified most of my life by society. I don’t know why I was looking for anything different.

By the way, if it matters, most of my life I have had a BMI in the “anorexic” range, while eating more than many overweight women do, and yes, being generally healthy as I could be with some non-weight related conditions I don’t need to go into.
In recent years, after taking a few medications that tend to put weight on people, I have been everything from “normal” to the borderline of “obese”, then back down to “normal” when I discontinued one med.

Reply February 17, 2010, 12:13 pm

Eric Charles

@Kathleen

You have a point there. Again, I held off on posting this article for a long time because I was reluctant to discuss the sensitive topic of women, a woman’s body and body image. It’s a touchy subject and I really tried my best to be respectful to everyone without sugarcoating the issues discussed.
There’s a difference between someone who aspired to be “sickly-looking-thin” versus someone who is naturally extremely skinny. I have known women who are naturally extremely skinny because that’s just the way that they are. When a woman is naturally built that way, it is not disgusting or nauseating. It’s just her body type.
So what’s the difference: Why is one type nauseating and one type fine? It’s because women who aspire to be “sickly-thin” end up starving their bodies of essential vitamins, minerals, fats and proteins to achieve that unnatural, unhealthy figure. They are depriving their bodies long term and it shows up on their body: bad hair, bad nails, dark circles under eyes, bad skin, etc. When a woman is just naturally built to be super skinny, she is just that way – she’s not that way due to deprivation, so her body is thin, but still healthy looking.
Still on average, the super thin body with no muscle tone is not ideal. Research has shown that a little extra body weight (preferably from added toned muscle) is closer to “ideal”.

@Pamela
Agreed. Within the context of what I described above, you’re comment backs up what I’m saying.
Hope that clarifies my message.

Reply February 17, 2010, 10:49 am

Pamela

Well done, bravo. I am neither ultra thin, or over weight.
I know many guys/gals who have used the terms ” nauseating or disgusting” as a way to describe girls/women who were ultra thin, I would add Unhealthy looking too.

Reply February 17, 2010, 9:42 am

Kathleen

I don’t understand how describing ultra-thin girls as “disgusting” or “nauseating” is in any way helpful. It is certainly no better than applying these terms to the obese.

Reply February 17, 2010, 12:29 am

Eric Charles

Totally hot. ;)

Reply February 12, 2010, 4:44 pm

MJ

I also want to thank you for your balanced approach to this sensitive issue. I really believe that we women make it harder on ourselves and each other than it has to be. It is sooo hard, but I’m trying to make a conscious effort to stop comparing myself to other women, and also to stop thinking about how THEY are comparing themselves to me.

And you’re right, my husband is way more into my newly buff muscles than the body I had back when I was borderline unhealthy-thin. A bit of muscle on a woman is hot!

Reply February 12, 2010, 11:12 am

Eric Charles

Thank you Auretha, I appreciate your compliment. I completely agree with you – I don’t want to sound cliche, but you really do have to love yourself first if you want anyone else to. Same goes for body image.

Reply February 12, 2010, 9:34 am

Auretha Callison

I think you handled that EXCELLENTLY! and truthfully. We do need to love ourselves instead of expecting someone else to love us or our body for us. Every client I have has some issue with their body. Unfortunately most people look for reasons to suffer than rejoice.
It comes down to a choice. Love what is and work towards what you want. That’s what I am doing. Size 9 heading to a 6 :) Blessings!
Love and Beauty,
Auretha Callison, your Best Image Coach
Twitter as FunFashionFairy

Reply February 12, 2010, 12:28 am

Landa

I am 18 and I am over weight. I’m one of those people that has always had a little extra package but I carry myself pretty well. I have joined the gym and I am trying to be much more health conscious now. –I’m not doing it to reel any guy in just because I am out of high school and I just have more time for me. Because just knowing I worked out and ate healthy for a day makes me feel better in what I wear.

As far as guys and what they think goes, I guess Ive been pretty lucky. I have some pretty amazing people in my life and I have no doubt that a guy prefers a well toned girl with a well proportioned body but I also know that there is so much more to having a good relationship. For one, being passionate about the same things or just having good chemistry. –I don’t really understand why so many girls with much better bodies than my own are so hard on themselves and sometimes even bitter towards all men.

As far as your article goes, I found nothing offensive about it what so ever. If we as women can prefer one body type in men over the other or we, all of us, like hot men with good bodies, why wouldnt we expect the same from men? At the same time, it isnt all just about the body. A good looking but stuck up guy who is too absorbed in his looks will always be more unattractive than a guy who hasnt hit the gym in a while but can hold up a good conversation and can make me laugh.

But looks is what we see first and that is where it starts. It is what it is. I for one, really enjoy all your posts and I have enough people in my life sugar coating everything. We’re here for a man’s honest opinion—take what you’re asking for women!

Thanks for all your hard work Eric!

Reply May 23, 2012, 11:40 pm

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