Ask a Guy:  Does He Want To Date Me Or Not? post image

Ask a Guy: Does He Want To Date Me Or Not?


There is a guy I’ve been talking to for over a year. I met him through a friend in Europe, we all chilled, had fun, he was nice to me. One year later back in the States (we live in the same city) I was unknowingly talking to him over the phone just messing around (his cousin was dating my friend and his cousin gave the phone to him). He said he remembered me, told me to come over, so I did. We connected over the summer and saw each other a few times. He would hug me, sometimes ask for a kiss on the cheek and was nice all the time.

We lost contact for a while but then I started calling him around December. He came to my house for New Years and  got mad at me because I hit him upside the head. I was just playing around and I’m always aggressive towards him. Whenever I contact him, he always writes back….but he will just never ever agree to see me anymore. The, when I bitch him out and tell him I’m done, he’ll call two seconds later to apologize and will ask me on a date that we never end up going on!

I NEED HELP…no one can diagnose my problem…it’s driving me crazy. For some stupid reason I like this person a lot. I can’t seem to stop writing to him because I feel that he likes me back but won’t admit it because he has too much pride. Each and every time I shut him down and tell him I’m done with his ass, he makes it so that I’m not mad at him anymore…why? If he doesn’t like me, why respond or ask me out on a date period?”

See our guy’s response after the jump!

From the way you tell it, it sounds to me like you’ve got an aggressive personality. I’m not saying that in a bad way – you sound like a fun girl.

On the other hand, the way you describe the guy sounds like he’s kind of softer or more passive than you.

One of the ways  I size up a situation is by looking at the details that you choose to tell me. So when you write that he was “nice all the time”, that you “hit him upside the head”, that you’re “aggressive towards him”, and that he apologizes when you “bitch him out”… it paints a picture of the situation as you want me to see it.

In fact, I think that a lot of the time when people ask for relationship advice they already have a pretty clear idea of the answer (or at least the answer they want to hear), they just want to hear it from someone else.

So with all that said, I would say that he probably does like you, but he’s either a) afraid of how you’ll behave around him, b) scared of you in general, or c) under the impression that you are too out-of-control for him. I mean, a lot of guys dig a girl with “spunk”, so don’t think I’m saying you did something wrong. Some guys don’t know how to handle or don’t prefer a girl if she’s too aggressive.

You probably are successful at getting him to call you back by making him feel guilty, but in the long run that hurts your chances for any sort of good relationship. Frankly, it’s manipulation… even if you can coerce the guy into doing what you want him to in the short-term, he will see it for what it is and he will either go “cold” or start to resent you for the manipulation.

This is what I think is happening. You guys hung out at first and it was laid back. Then he started to like you and then you fell out of contact for a bit. Then you started to like him and maybe you started to get a little needy and that’s where your “aggressiveness” came from. So he starts picking up on the neediness and starts pulling away and then you start “bitching him out” and forcing him into feeling guilty and apologizing. But at the root of it, it’s not that he has anything to apologize for; the root cause is your own neediness and desire for him to like you back, now that you are ready to like him.

So that’s my take on what’s going on. With that said, I don’t think this is something that can’t be easily repaired and improved. I think you should find some other things and/or people to occupy your time. Give him opportunities to connect with you, but don’t put off doing other things just to wait for him to call back.

The guy started out liking you, so if you give him the opportunity to pursue you (without smothering it with neediness), I am sure he’ll come around. Moreover, proceed with caution in terms of the “aggressiveness” – if he’s into you being aggressive, it will be obvious. But if you act aggressive and he gets upset, angry, withdrawn, etc., then you need to rethink how you approach him (or if he even is the right match for you.) As for “guilting” him into calling you and apologizing, I would strongly recommend that you don’t do that since no guy wants to be around a girl who makes him feel bad.

Good luck and hope it helps!

-eric charles

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Maria

So I met this guy a year ago, apparently we met on a few occasions with friends and we were introduced a few times, but I can’t remember. I got to know him better this passing August. We hanging out as friends, we really get on…and suddenly we realised that we actually like each other and that these were kind of dates.

One night he kissed me, but we both have issues with public affection, still I kiss him back. And we continued talking via facebook and txt messages.

Then we started seeing each other, when he suddenly became distant. I approached him about this and he explained that this is because he felt like he was getting into a relationship; baring in mind that his previous relationship of four years ended last april. He said he did care for and did like me…so I said to him that’s fine we can take it slowly. It continued as normal.

But then again he distanced himself, and when we go out with our group of friends (as we are in the same group), when he drinks a little he is all over me and can’t help himself. This situation confused me, so I approached him again and we decided that we would stop seeing each other all together, but that we are still friends. He said that he just wanted to be alone, and he was sad because he does like me and wants to be with me but not now. That night he stayed over, nothing happened, but he was holding and kissing my forehead all night.

A few weeks later something happened to me that made me scared of staying at my house, he heard about it from friends, came to visit me and took me back to his house, so i’m not alone. Again nothing happened but we spooned all night.

After that he became even more distant, not even as a friend, no communication whatsoever. I only saw him out with our friends.

I really do have feeling from him, I obviously haven’t told him that as I don’t like to talk about stuff like that. But I haven’t felt this way before. When we were seeing each other I felt free and when he hugs me I feel safe. I can see that he likes me because when we are out and other people flirt with me he stares from a distance and sometimes he comes over to break the interaction.

Since then I have been on a couple dates with this other guy, and although I really do like him and would like to continue something with him. It doesn’t feel like it feels when i’m with the first guy. And because of our mutual friends if I do start going out with the new guy, if the first guy sees us will it be the end? Somewhere in me I still have hope for us. Please help x

Reply November 10, 2014, 8:33 am

KJ

I’ve been reading a lot of Ask Polly advice columns lately. She’s a writer of The Awl and now The Cut, two great magazines. Her advice is fantastic, straight talking, no nonsense and sensible and has definitely helped me in my (still ongoing) journey through the confusing wilderness of dating. I think, in general, hanging around with non-committal, distant guys isn’t going to get you anywhere. Lack of communication and lack of consistency inevitably makes the best of us feel confused and insecure and leads us to put search terms into Google such as “arghhh does he like me….fuck, what are the signs? I hope he does”. We then desperately pore through the reels of evidence in our minds that support our ideal viewpoint that: he does like me, he’s just scared, he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship etc etc etc bla bla bla.

The reality of the situation is that occasionally seeing someone, getting an occasional message, occasionally having physical contact, occasionally chatting through Facebook doesn’t make a loving, simple, honest, open and great relationship that you deserve to have. Really, when you like someone and they like you back, you both want to see each other a lot, you both hang out, you’ll call each other regularly, there will be no doubts hanging in the air, there will be no distancing and backing off. This will make you feel relaxed and happy and secure and you won’t need to be searching for answers and looking for signs. Believe me, I’ve done it too.

Get rid of this guy. Sure, you think you’re super into it but you’re probably not. He’s just messing you about, he doesn’t know what he wants, he might well be scared, he might well be worried about the friendship bla bla bla. Do you really want to stick around while he figures his shit out? Dating other people is fine but mainly just spend some time by yourself. What do you like doing? What are your hobbies? How are you going to build your life into something wonderful on your own? Enjoy some time alone, stop Facebooking this other guy. Go on dates if you really fancy it but don’t do it because you’re lonely or to make someone else jealous.

Be on your own and be happy with that until you meet someone who can’t wait to hang out with you.
Good luck!

Reply November 10, 2014, 9:19 am

Amabell

Hello,
I heard this guy was into me and he is younger then me. I just turn 22 and he just turn 18 years. Everyone at work thinks I’m hot and innocent, so they all want to date me, or sleep with me, but wont talk to me. The 18 year old is really quiet around others, same as me. He try to make small talk to me from time to time. Example”hello how are you today?” etc. Then he actually try to ask me out one time and he was having trouble so i help him out and and ask him my self saying “I’m going to the movies this weekend you want to come?” I ask what time and he said “I don’t know its your day.” Eventually we went out and watch a movie, he we said I look nice and different. He wanted to watch a scary movie but I told him I wanted to watch what we this other one. He didn’t want to pay for the tickets, but he did and he said you get the popcorn. At the end when we where out he said that he had already seen it, but that as long as i enjoy it it was fine. After the movies we walk around outside and then went to get coffee and he ask me questions, at 12am he got a msg from his friends that they want to hang out and for him to go home, he kept txt with them and then eventually he got annoyed by them, but we did left at 30 min after to catch the bus. He then says I dress to much, but that he likes it, nly that he feels too undressed and plain. We meet at work so we start hanging out whenever we can in our brakes. He always was shy he touches me, my shoulder, i touch him and he pulls back. His friends compliment him and sometimes laugh when we are together, i also heard them saying to him that know they respect him because of me. the second time we hang out at the mall, he tell me that he has to leave at certain time because he has to go to a concert. We still hang out and at the end he tries to be a little closer to me and he sits in front of me in then he leave cuz he needs to leave. Then I got annoyed and he notice and he said” oh no I feel bad.” We still talk at work and everything but know he started to show me off, he made me walk in front of his friends sot hey can see me, he hates the brake room but he instead to go there when they was a lot of coworkers there.
time pass and we still txt. But see I txt him and he responds 2 days later sometimes 4 days. sometimes he never responds. I always have to txt first. Then I thought that he was just trying to show me off, so I got annoyed at him and kinda didn’t want to talk to him, so he ask why i was mad and I couldn’t say oh well I think you are using me. So i just told him I’m stress. So then he still tries to be together at work.
Eventually i got over it, because he showed he was into when he was worried that he did something wrong.
i go with him to the mall again and I tell him in the end whats going between us, He was surprise, re-ask me the question same question and then replies “oh we just having fun.” I play it cool at work but kept my distance. Then time pass.
He tells me that he has surgery this day. I tell him okay lets hang out before then, but our schedules don’t match.
I txt him 3 days before if he was working before his surgery, and he never responded so I told him god luck and take care. He works a day before and he txt me oh I work today but leave early. Im busy with managers and he comes to say bye but only pokes me. Then I txt him “No good bye hug” he replies, you look busy but I will try to see you tomorrow morning.” I ask if he working on his surgery day, but i don’t get a reply. then the next day at work he tells me that his surgery got moved for next week. I Knew it was a lie since I was told that he was going to a concert with a coworker on friday (it was tuesday). He was depress and try to make up for it and ask me to go out. I told him okay next day I’m off and your off, lets hang out. The following day I change and go to the location. Then I txt him I might be late and he replies he will to. I told him since we both take the bus, lets meet at this station, he replies oh my mother put me to do chores since I woke up, I will be late. I told him no problem, txt me when you can. Then 20 min I txt him saying I’m tired of waiting so I will go back home. He txt, I know you are going to get mad, but I don’t think that I would be able to make it even if I go know which I can’t. I reply saying that If something unexpected came up, that he should have move the time but not make me go there for nothing. he said he was sorry.
Later I try playing cool and ask him if he was working next day and he didn’t reply.
then 3 days later he says of i work on Saturday, my last day before the surgery, I’m kinda still mad but I talk to him then I tell him oh good luck on the surgery and I tell him oh lets go to the movies after work to celebrate my promotion. Then he replies with oh yeah i don’t know what I will do for 3 hours, since i get out later then him. Then he tries to avoid my eyes when I speak and is moving side to side a lot. Then he hugs me tight and then says “okay this is enough” while touching my hair. Then he leaves. That night I txt him oh the movies was great. and we make small talk then tells me he has to go and will txt me later. I told him good luck, then next day on his surgery day I txt him good luck, the next day I txt him how was it, then 3 days later how you been? The next week, I made small one-sides small talk about what I been up to. i was not expecting him to answer right away, but he said he was gonna be out for 2 weeks its been for. I stop texting him after the 2 week. I heard that he was bad the first 2 and then he was fine and spending his time playing video games. During this time before his surgery, he act like he want something and then pulls back. Even his friends say he likes me. So he acts like he wants something with me but then when I respond his signals he pulls back. I don’t get his signals.

Reply November 3, 2014, 11:50 am

Amabell

Hello,
I heard this guy was into me and he is younger then me. I just turn 22 and he just turn 18 years. Everyone at work thinks I’m hot and innocent, so they all want to date me, or sleep with me, but wont talk to me. The 18 year old is really quiet around others, same as me. He try to make small talk to me from time to time. Example”hello how are you today?” etc. Then he actually try to ask me out one time and he was having trouble so i help him out and and ask him my self saying “I’m going to the movies this weekend you want to come?” I ask what time and he said “I don’t know its your day.” Eventually we went out and watch a movie, he we said I look nice and different. He wanted to watch a scary movie but I told him I wanted to watch what we this other one. He didn’t want to pay for the tickets, but he did and he said you get the popcorn. At the end when we where out he said that he had already seen it, but that as long as i enjoy it it was fine. After the movies we walk around outside and then went to get coffee and he ask me questions, at 12am he got a msg from his friends that they want to hang out and for him to go home, he kept txt with them and then eventually he got annoyed by them, but we did left at 30 min after to catch the bus. He then says I dress to much, but that he likes it, nly that he feels too undressed and plain. We meet at work so we start hanging out whenever we can in our brakes. He always was shy he touches me, my shoulder, i touch him and he pulls back. His friends compliment him and sometimes laugh when we are together, i also heard them saying to him that know they respect him because of me. the second time we hang out at the mall, he tell me that he has to leave at sertin

Reply November 3, 2014, 11:02 am

Penny

There’s this guy, whom I have, for the longest time, a crush on. We were close in high school, he was my classmate and a very good friend. After we graduated high school, I plucked up all the courage I have and told him that I liked him. Being the good guy that he was, he never took advantage of me, he just said that, he sees me as a friend and he wanted to stay that way. When we entered college, the communication between us stopped. But a year before I graduate college, we started sending messages on FB, and texting each other again(4 years passed with no communication), talking about all sorts of stuff, we never ran out of things to talk about. After that, him and I got busy with my thesis and other academic stuff. We go to different, distant universities Here’s the catch, we decided to see each other after graduation. He rarely texts, and if he does, the conversation strucks up again, from normal things to talk about between friends to steamy inquiries and propositions. So, all is set, then one day he went to see me on my apartment (it was planned, he asked me about a month ago). We chatted for what seemed like 3 hours. It was so great to be with a long time good buddy from high school. And then, we started kissing and fooling around but nothing “yummy” happened for fear that my roommates might catch us. We agreed to go out the next day and do the deed somewhere else. He was always so chatty and open towards me, we’d argue and debated about things. But then, the first time we hit the bed, he was a completely different person. So that’s the story. My problem lies with this, he said that he wasnt ready for a relationship and just wanted to start something casual and light with me, and I agreed, thinking I might be fine with it, now I feel lost, he is not the type that texts all day. And after that one time we had sex, he never texted me, 2 days passed by since that day. And I am worried. Should I still wait for him?

Reply July 4, 2014, 11:02 am

Lynn

I met a man online four months ago and we have not met. He calls me everyday and says he wants my heart and soul and that he has fallen in love with me. Each time we make arrangements to meet something comes up. Kids, travel, etc. am I a fool to be patient? Help.

Reply May 19, 2014, 9:05 pm

Fatima

About 2 months ago, I met a guy on a dating site. We started texting and things seemed to be going ok. I must admit the conversation wasn’t that interesting but I felt that we were just getting to know each other. I asked him where things were going with this and he said he wasn’t feeling it. So I told him that I’ll just move on because if he isn’t “feeling it’ now then how can he later on? Maybe I was wrong but he told me I was overreacting. None the less, I deleted his number and moved on.

Last week I got a text from a weird number saying he wanted to try things again and felt that we were off to a bad start. It was that guy again. I thought, ok … I’ll give it another shot.

We were texting non-stop from sun up to sun down. It felt really good. Our conversations got more fun and very flirty. He works as an EMT, so his schedule was tough and I work at the airport, so my schedule was crazy too.

It was a Sunday evening, and I met up with him while he was at an aunt’s house. We sat in his car and I was so nervous. He kept asking me why I was talking a mile a minute and why I was so scared. I told him I never been with anyone and I was nervous. He said, “but you seem so confident in your texts.” He kept telling me to relax. He said: “your facial expression just screams – this asshole is about to say something bad about me.” He told me I was cute and needed to relax.

We just stared at each other. We smiled … and then he did it. He kissed me. And it felt really good (It was my first kiss too). Then after he pulled away, he said you look scared still. I told him I enjoyed it. I held onto him the rest of the time and told him I was more comfortable.

He had to go so he dropped me off. That night he texted me that I was a weirdo. He was joking around but then the next day all he did was give me one word answers. So not realizing ..I began spazzing out on him and saying he was distant. He said he had a hard time liking me cause I was “afraid” and I told him he should have made me more comfortable. He texted me to leave him alone.

I did.

The next morning, I texted him that I was sorry for being nervous and that I wanted to start fresh. He said I just want you to change your actions. Especially because I was more confident in my texting than in person. I asked him if it was possible for me to see him again and he said – Yes.

That was it. He said that yesterday. It’s now 6 PM today and I have yet to hear back from him or anything. What should I do? What happened? Is he uninterested? Will he text me?

Reply May 15, 2013, 9:03 pm

Katy

Urgh, this guy sounds awful. Never speak to him again.

Reply June 24, 2014, 8:55 am

Delilah

I have a question this sound similar to my problem but it’s not the same. I have been talking to this guy for A few months now. We started off as just friends doing business I did the graphic designs for his business. I started to like him a little more than just being friends or business and I can tell that he might feel the same way also from his body language. I invited him to come with me to a charity event but he said that he would not be able to make it. He texted me when the even was going on asking me how it was going as if he really cared. A couple of weeks later he told me that the reason he could not go is because he was seeing someone but that relationship was now over. This was in dec 2012 we kept talking we have done even more business and he texts me all the time about personal things not business. When valentines day 2013 came around I was hoping he would ask me out but he never did. On the day he texted me telling me how much of a horrible time he had and that he wanted to hang out with me the next day. I’m no fool so of course I did not take him up on his invitation. We still text everyday he has asked me out since then but I really could not make the date. I’m not sure if I should hold on hoping this guy really does like me since we text a lot or If I should just give up and move on I would love to hear your advice thanks.

Reply March 26, 2013, 8:32 am

Gina

I have this co-worker who I’ve been friends with since we started working together. It was not until recently that our relationship started changing. It was subtle flirting at first on breaks, then full out acknowledgment Of what we were doing. It continued on like that for awhile, only while at work, since ‘vewe never exchanged phone numbees. One day after work, me and some co-workers werem going out to eat. At the parking lot, I endend up running into said friend. I was able to convince to come along. He was cool with it, as long as he could be my ride. On the way to eat, during the car ride, he asked if we could hang out together, alone. I agreed.

Later that night, we kind of hooked up, just issing. After wards we chalked it up to heat if the moment, and acted like nothing happened. A couple days later at work, I needed a ride home, and he offered. We made out again, this time going further.

Here’s the thing though, yes I’m an adult (a young one, but an adult nonetheless), but I’ve never had sex before. Not because I believe in “Saving myself” but because I’ve never actually been attracted enough to someone to want to have sex.
He knew I was a virgin. He stopped what we were doing, saying that he’d rather I “wait for an amazing guy, who likes me like that, to be my first.”

We ended that night on an akaward hug, and a promise to still be friends. For the reasons he said he wanted to stop, it’s not like I could be mad at him.

From then on, we talked akawardly at work, acting like nothing happened between us.

We ended up seeing each other at a party. He was already a little tipsy the moment I got into there. He was back to his flirty, touchy feely self. Obviously I knew it was the alcohol.

We both got drunk together, and talked about “The Night”

He basically said he didn’t want to take advantage of me that night, that he does care about me.

I basically tell him, don’t worry about it, it’s okay.

Some point during the night, we start kissing, in front of our mutual friends who knew nothing if the situation.

He looks up, see a really good guy friend of mine (gay) and says

“yeah, we’ve kind of made out.”

Friend: “I know.”

Him: “You know?”

Me: “He knows.”

Him: “He knows?”

Me: “Yep, he knows.”

We kiss again, he then in his drunken stupor, starts telling my friend: “I really find her attractive.” Looks at me. “I really find you attractive”

By this point I start to feel sick so I sit down. I hear him talking to my friend about the situation. He basically said he was trying to respect women more, and he wanted to respect me.

In one if my least proudest monents, I publicly got suck. This point is aploy blur, but I remember him blaming himself, apologizing, because he had me drink so much…

Anyway, I haven’t gotten the chance to see him yet. I don’t even know why I’m writing this, or what question I really want answered.

I feel like all it is for him is lust, and he really is a good enough guy, not to want to hurt Me. On the other hand, I have my few friends who know the whole situation, saying that he really does like me, but the whole virgin thing scares me.

Truth be told, I would be okay with just a fling. I have this chemistry with him I haven’t had with anyone I’ve ever dated, and it’s something I’d like to explore. Just because he would be my “first” that doesn’t mean I’m going to fall in love with him.

I would rather explore my sexuality without too many emotional attachments, so when I do find Mr. Right, I’ll know what I want. I would be lying if I said I didn’t like him a little bit, but I also know a relationship wouldn’t go anywhere. That’s what I’m telling myself at least.

ANYWAY, I guess I’m writing this because I want someones opinion on whats going on in his head. Am I more then likely rightto in thinking, this is just lust for him, but he’s trying to be a good guy and not take advantage? Or are my friends right, that he does like me, but he’s intimidated? Or is it just lust, AND he’s intimidated?

I just want someones objective standpoint, to help me wrap my whole, naive head around the situation please.

Reply November 20, 2012, 4:13 am

Katy

Sounds like its a very confusing situation and he obviously likes you and is attracted to you etc. Once again it’s setting yourself back from how he feels and focussing on how you feel. Sex is a funny old thing, I’m nearly 30 and even I get caught in the net of the ‘sex haze’ as Carrie Bradshaw aptly put it. It’s not that I don’t think women can’t have one night stands and not get invested but in my experience if there is a little bit of history, if you like the guy and you already kinda know its not going to end in marriage, sleeping with him is going to end in eventual heartache.

After many years of experience and thinking I knew better I recently got involved with a guy who was a friend and was moving away. I was relatively objective and open minded about the whole situation, dare I say positively chilled out. That was until I slept with him. Suddenly against all my better judgement I started reading into everything, fantasising about us living happily ever after. We didn’t of course and we were never meant to, but I ended up getting a bit hurt in the process, kicking myself for knowing better.

That said, life is a series of experiences. Sometimes we get hurt, sometimes we have multiple orgasms. Those feel nice. In the end, go with what feels right at the time but set your expectations accordingly. You might get hurt, but hey we all do.

So have fun, be safe and if it all goes wrong there is always sex and the city and a giant tub of ice cream. Such a cliche!

Reply December 3, 2012, 7:08 pm

chocolate

Ok i meet dis guy 3 months ago i been had an crush on him n i discovered he had 1 on me also anyway since day 1 we stay wit each otha he jux had got an relationship bt we wasnt goin 2 gether bt he did use 2 state me as his girlfriend ok after a while i start seein dat phone he was txtin otha females so dat piss me off so he left time stop cumin my way bt he start tellin me he love me n wanted 2 b wit me he jux wasnt ready 4 got 2 mention he was havin finacial problems he also should me he cared wen i was

Reply October 10, 2012, 10:15 am

whatever

So, I have this close guyfriend who on occasion, when we drink too much together, we hook up. Sometimes its intimate, sometimes, its just us fooling around. Typical foolish story. As friends, we are very close. Supportive of one another when the other needs it, available when the other needs it. He says he doesn’t have this relationship with anyone else. The story typically goes, we won’t fool around for a bit, then we hang out a little too much and then one thing leads to another and…we wake up in bed together the next day. There is one major fact I have left out, he is close friends with my long-term ex-boyfriend. Every time we both say we aren’t going to fool around again, he cites how guilty he feels. I used to feel quite guilty in fact, but I stopped speaking to my ex, and realized that if I really truly felt guilty, I wouldn’t keep putting myself in the same situation. Until very recently, he hadn’t even ever admitted that it had ever happened to another person; he actually told his therapist. He had told people that he had slept with a friend’s ex, but never said our names together. In fact, on one occasion; he could not perform, sexually due to the guilt. So while, I do see when he is coming from with the guilt factor, and this secret that has been gnawing at him, I also feel like, he is sort of lying either to himself or me; mostly likely a bit of both with the whole guilt situation. Then this friend moved away. He had been talking about wanting a change for months and then took the plunge. We all recently out of college and this transient lifestyle doesn’t seem too outlandish. Before he left; we hook up, say good bye. A few months ago, after visiting him I told him that I felt more and I couldn’t pretend I didn’t anymore, and he said that there could be nothing between us like that and that he really needed me to be just his friend. He played the guilt card again, he also wasn’t planning to return home. So after having a little disappointed cry, I said ok, and proceeded to go out and start dating a new guy. I am not going to lie, while my feelings for this new guy are true and growing, I do from time to time think about this friend, in a romantic/sexual way. Things with the new guy aren’t perfect, but he is sweet and generous and a great guy. Then the weekend the old friend returns, I follow the same pattern and BAMB, we fool around. Only this time, its not ok, on my end. I messed up, big time. The next day the friend and I talk things through and I said this cannot happen, otherwise, I will be unable to remain friends with him. Period. But we get to talking about how we keep putting ourselves in the same situation, acting surprised when we then follow the same pattern. He says we just have a great time together. So my question is this, why doesn’t he like me enough to find out more? To explore what could be?

Reply August 22, 2012, 1:51 pm

Z

I had alot bad exp in the past finally i made the choice to go back to date i sign in online dating which i found a guy we started chatting after few emails we exchange number and we starting testing and talking over the phone it was really nice since it seen be both knew what we wanted i was really looking forward to get to know him more and he told me he wanted the same thing he also express him self by telling me he like the way i was that he had not connected with anybody for a long time therefore i was really happy the only thing was missing is meet since he is 4 to 5 hrs away. we both have seen each other pics he seen really into me everything was fine until few weeks ago he stop calling and testing so i give him some time so i text him just to see how is doing which he did reply he explain he was busy at work so i give him another week i was getting a little confused and scare that this was going to end up where he just lost interest so last week i send him a message asking if he still was into me to please let me know since i dont wanted to waste time with the wrong person, he did replay saying he would like to meet and he understood the way i was feeling but some reason that was not enough for me so i ask him if he would stop been distance and cold. few hours later after he told me about meeting he explain he had alot going on between work and his kids that is not a good time for a relationship that we could stay as friend if that is okay with me of course i said yes is not like i have choice…. at that time i got so angry and confused the next day i knew had done something wrong should just got with the flow but know is to late to go back so what im trying to see if i still have a chance is hard to explain the connection a had with him, at this moment he is not calling or testing if i testing he respond but he dont try to keep the conversation so i made the decision to stand back before i keep making more mistake CAN ANYBODY TELL ME WHAT TO DO, DO YOU THINK I STILL HAVE CHANCE WITH HIM TO BE MORE THEN JUST FRIEND?

Reply June 16, 2012, 6:26 am

Katy

No, unfortunately, or probably fortunately he doesn’t want to be more than friends for now. Internet dating over long distance is annoying because it can be quite intense receiving e-mails and nice texts and phone calls and you can often feel as though you know someone quite well. I’ve been through the same thing where i’ve had a really nice texting/ e-mailing relationship with someone across a distance.

Here’s the thing though, for this to turn into anything real you guys have to hang out in person and unfortunately he’s told you that he just wants to cool it off and be friends. You can look at this in a good way or a bad way. The way you should look at it is that you got back out there and made the brave step to meet people again. You met someone that you clicked with and this was great.

Don’t let the fact that it didn’t work out discourage you. You have learnt something from this, perhaps you know what you want a little more, perhaps it’s the universe showing you that you will connect with guys again. It’s ok to feel disappointed, just accept that it wasn’t quite right and move on. Don’t bother texting him and initiating chats with him if you want more than he does, it will just make you more disappointed in the long run.

Put it down as a nice experience and move on, there will be many other lovely guys who you will connect with who will jump at the chance to be with you. Instead of texting him, make a list of all the lovely things you want to do in your life as a solo girl, think about everything you want to achieve and what you want from the future. Only when you are living the life that you cherish will you meet someone that will be worth it.

Good luck!

Reply June 17, 2012, 11:25 am

fern

i have been chatting to a guy on line for about a week he says he likes me and i lke him convertion seem to be short and sweet and not much to them every time him questions ask he dose not seem to answer can anyone help

Reply March 20, 2012, 12:48 pm

Tasy

Hi there, cld anyone help me pls? I met a guy through online dating. He rang everyday for few minutes before we met up die to his work commitment. Had great time met up but only 1-2 hrs. He to me that he wi be busy in next six months n his father is ill. Than he flew back home interstate. At first, he rang twice and I tried to call too. Texting each other but he didn’t respond most of it at all time. Everytime he responded, either “xxx” or dad is sick. Hugs, xxx, not good day or stress with dad condition. He is doctor too. Very short and simple. He won tell me he love my msg and it cheers him up. When I mentioned that just keep in touch and see u when u are back, he texted me hoping I would not loose my patience than he rang once. I told him I wi be still around. Than back to I texted heaps , sometimes no news at all, sometimeS only 1 or 2 replied. He told me 2 wks ago he wi be back but dint happen. Last Friday, he said he will be back in few days but not signs. Than he texted me saying would like to fly back to see me n ask which day suits me. Till now, no news and signs. What should I do? Should I open up and ask what he wants exactly? He said to me that he misses me heaps and look forward seeing me. Should I fly to see him instead? We only met once. And been on texts for 2 months now . Hoe someone can help please? Thanks heaps

Reply May 31, 2012, 11:16 am

Katy

It sounds like he’s in a bit of a bad situation in his life at the moment and there’s no real need you getting too caught up in it all. I was in a similar situation years ago when I was dating a guy who’s mum was very ill. Eventually, although we got on really well, he couldn’t maintain a relationship because there were so many ups and downs at home.

My advice would be to still be there for him as a friend if he asks for it but lower your expectations for the future. He’s probably not going to be your boyfriend or great love right now, it’s just not the right time but that’s ok. Sometimes we meet the right people at the wrong time. Just take it as a nice experience to meet someone that you got along with and move on.

If it’s right and you guys are meant to be together then forces will intervene in the future to make it happen when he’s in a better place. For now, move on, start looking around at other guys again and just be supportive and polite if he contacts you. Good luck!

Reply May 31, 2012, 11:45 am

Tasy

Thanks heaps Katy. I actually mailed him after and kinda hinted that I don’t want to keep it going but happy to stay as friend. He didn’t respond to my email but texting saying he love all the messages i sent and it makes him feel close to me although we r 720k apart + lots of xox in once a day text. Still in touch with him but keeping messages less intimate but more to friendship. Today, he rang out of sudden (last spoken to him was early may). As usual, just wanting to say hi while his dad is better. Usual less than 5 minutes call. But this time he got his dad to say hi to me too. I wasn’t prepared for it and not really sure what was going on there. Oh ya, he called sweetie and my name by short (texts mostly). Could it be I am reading into it too much or he is just appreciate my patience?

Reply June 3, 2012, 9:23 am

Katy

I think it’s a tough situation, he obviously appreciates you being there for him and when he has a second to think he contacts you which is lovely.

Again, I do think that it’s a complicated situation for you to get wrapped up in because it’s so uncertain. For him it’s ok because he calls you when he needs to and gets your support but what are you really getting out of this? His lovely phone calls confuse you and then his silences hurt you.

As hard as it is I’d say let go for now, he knows where you are, he has your number, he may be the right person in the future. For now it just seems like it’s stressful for you and you are the person that you should be thinking about. Protect yourself and trust that if it’s meant to then things will work out in the future.

June 17, 2012, 11:31 am

nicole

ok i know this guy from work and he gave me his # and we only text eachother for one week we never talk on the phone.he asked me out for a movie but i told him” i dont wanna go out with u bc i think u r kind of a player and ive heard u have all the girls number. ” he was mad at me and said we dont need to talk anymore but i really like him what can i do to make him ask me out again its been three day since he stops text me.i never text him bc i dont wanna b needy will he talk to me again

Reply March 15, 2012, 3:56 pm

TruthBTold

You jumped to a conclusion about him before ever giving him a chance. You ttok what other said about him and made up your mind. The guy figured if you already have a negative point of view about him it’s best he moves on. You might have a shot if you reply maybe like this; Hey! I didn’t mean to judge you before I got to know you. I should have not taken advice from others. If you would like to give me another chance I would like to meet you at the movies.

Reply March 15, 2012, 5:38 pm

MaryMaryMary

I hope someone can help me with this. I met a guy on an online dating website. We wrote back and forth for a bit and then decided to meet. We had coffee, talked a lot, had great time. He asked to see me again, went to dinner the following week, talked a lot, had a great time. Went out a third time the week after that to see a movie. Hung out for 3hrs after the movie talking, laughing. We had planned for a 4th date the week after that but he canceled. He never made a move on me. His texting/emailing had decreased quite a lot since the first few weeks. He never rescheduled the date b/c he has out of town guests (which I have verified to be true). I know it is the beginning stages but I have no idea if he likes me/wants to date me. I’m afraid he may not be interested anymore but doesn’t have the b*lls to say so. Any advise?

Reply March 11, 2012, 5:48 pm

Katy

I’d say move on, he probably wanted to see if there was a romantic spark between you two because you guys obviously get on well but sounds like there’s no spark his end. That’s fine, leave him to it, don’t bother contacting him. If he contacts you, be polite but leave it there. Wait for a guy who is dying to have romance with you from the first time he meets you!

Reply March 11, 2012, 6:01 pm

Elizabeth

I recently started talking to a guy again that I have known for years. He used to really like me but I wasn’t that into him at the time and then I did like him years later and he wasn’t into me. Recently, we started talking all the time … but the weird thing it’s usually online, we video skype rather than hang out. Last night, we started talking about home movies from when we were younger and he said he wanted to see mine. We spent hours gushing over each others home movies. A lot of times things get pretty flirty too. A lot of our friends have noticed what’s going on. I am afraid to say anything too obvious though because of how hurt I felt before.

Reply March 5, 2012, 9:31 pm

rashell

So I’m talking to a guy…been talking to him since october. We’vebeen on dates and got to know each other very well. I never slept with him.I told him about what i have which is hsv. So he says lets be friends. A couple of weeks later, he starts back sending me text messages asking about it and sayig kets be fwb, but used it as a example. So last wekend he starts back sending me text messages. He tells me that he is confused about it but i explained it to him very well. I told him i was confused because of the mixed signals. However, he keeps coming back starting conversations with me. So what shoukd I do. Should i give him a chance to sink in. It’s confusing because of the mixed signals he’s giving me help!

Reply February 28, 2012, 8:16 pm

Katy

Too complicated, too confusing. Next! Do you want to spend the next few months deciphering mixed signals when you have much better things to do? Men who are really interested in girls do not suggest having just a casual thing. You deserve way more than that so wait for someone who appreciates you for you (medical issue or no medical issue), leaves you with no doubt about how he feels about you and has the upmost respect for you. When it’s right it’s really that simple, so move on and enjoy!

Reply March 11, 2012, 6:05 pm

xx31

here is my situation I met this guy in end of Jan 2012, he is 2hrs and 30 min far from me.
Through the dating site we exchanged numbers and started taking on phone for hours. He called me every day once or twice if i didn’t answer he left me a voicemail. (note we had not meet in person yet)but l like to talking with him on the phone, then we decided to meet FEB. 2nd We met for lunch and then watched a movie. He started kissing me and allowed him to because i really like him. he He said he likes me to( he give me compliments like he likes my dimple, my smile, my eyes, he like the way i kiss etc) We kissed in the move theater all time we didn’t watch the movie we just kissed. LOL!! After the movie we walked out and he asked me if i wanna have some coffee, so we had coffee and we talked.

After he called me and said he really likes me, we text sometime or call and talk on the phone. We decided to meet again and he give me a gift for Valentines Day. NOTE: this time he wanedt me to meet him in the hotel, in the other city which located half way between him and me. He said he meet some clients there so i said yes. We ended up having sex but we both enjoy it.

My point is both of the times we met were on weekdays not on the weekend. Both of the times we scheduled to meet on the weekend but he changed it to meet me weekdays.The day we met the second time after having sex we went to dinner and we both headed home. On the way back i text him and said I really had great time and i like him. he replied and said, me to. The next day he called and i didn’t answer. he left me a voicemail and said he missed me and he send me kisses.He still calls me and if don’t answer he leave me a massage and I call him sometimes.

My concern is when i call or text him sometimes he never answers or never replays back very soon. I mean I like this guy very much and I want a long relationship with him. How can I find out if he thinks the same way or if he really like me? wWat should i do? A couple day ago I asked him to have lunch together because I wanted to see him ans see if he is okay. I said that I will drive there to meet him and i want to take him out from lunch.
He replied : u want to i said : yes. Then he said ; i am to far away from you i said :” its okay. He said :i don’t want to put you through that trouble
then i said: OMG its okay i wanna see you then no reply! After 32 min he replied ” Baby give to me”..Any advice, any thing i need to know, i really like this guy. please help

Reply February 28, 2012, 12:33 am

Katy

I can see your dilemma, he was in to you at the beginning, phoning lots and making plans with you. Unfortunately he’s just not that into you. It’s probably a combination of the distance and the fact that he sounds like he’s a noncommittal kind of guy. It’s got nothing to do with you. Making plans then cancelling them and never wanting to spend long portions of time with you is not the start of a lovely long relationship. He gets to see you when he wants to and live his life when he has other things going on. So really if you look at it from his perspective he’s in the perfect situation. But you however, are not, because you want something deeper than that.

My advice is move on, hold out for a guy who would cancel plans to see you, who would drive for hours on end just to spend time with you, who would make it clear and obvious that he’s crazy about you and wants all the same things that you want. You deserve to have all of those things and while you are wasting time waiting for this guy to come to his senses you aren’t going to meet that great person. So live your life, have loads of fun, feel great about yourself and get rid of anybody who isn’t treating you with the respect you deserve.

Reply February 28, 2012, 4:11 am

xx31

Thanks!! Kathy well she still calls me text me if I don’t answer he leaves me massage but coz we far. We don’t make plan or he always at work busy, sometime he call before he go to sleep and sometime , if he wake up middle of night. I realy like him also I ask him ! If he involve in any other relation he said no its nothing like that he is busy. but sometime when he call and leave me voice mail he will call back. Sometime he do call back sometime not. If I return his call never answer ? I kind don’t get it what his going on

Reply February 28, 2012, 10:24 am

awsum chick

I met a guy from Cairo, Ga so I thought but turns out he is from Atlanta, Ga who was the same way. Turned out he was married so be careful. Those type of men only want one thing and commitment is not what it is. I could not tell he was married he answered everytime I called or texted he called every morning and night all through the day he owns his own business. He would travel 3hours just to ride by my house or just pop up to surprise me out of the blue. We spent alot of time together but he never spent the night he would come up with excuses to leave @ least by 3am everytime. That part didn’t sit well with me and triggered me to start checking on him. I met his family and all we dated for a year +. When I found out he told me he would leave her if I would just talk to him but if he would do that to someone who he made vows with what would he do to me so I walked away and it has not been easy cause I love him and he keeps riding by my house and keep getting my number from friends talking about he is sorry and he misses me but I am a Queen and I deserve to be treated like one so we are a done deal. Come to find out how he got away with it is I didn’t check him out thoroughly enough and his wife works 12 hours a day with hardly any time off and when she is she is so tired he has a lot of spare time.

Reply June 23, 2012, 1:03 am

Kathleen

I was with this guy for the 3rd and 4th of July. We have known eachother since we were 9 but decided to hang out a lot more now that we are older. We really liked eachother and I really liked him. Everthing was going great and we watched fireworks together and everything. The next day I had to go home because I lived in RI and he live in CT and I was going on a trip to Greece for 10 days. Normally, I am very shy when it comes to things like this and I

Reply February 14, 2012, 12:25 pm

glittergirl

I hope someone tell me what they think about this situation.. There is this guy i’ve been talking to at work and just lately he’s been paying me more attention than usual. We both have different religions, he asked me if i would ever consider getting with someone from a different religion.
I explained that whilst theres nothing wrong with that, it depends on your family situation and if whether they would be accepting of it especially if decide to go long term with that person.
He then asked would i consider being with someone who had come from a different relgious background even though the guy would be willing to convert to my relegion!

I replied with something like thats complicated! Anyway what i want to know is, was he just testing me to hear what i would say and was he hinting to me that he was interested even though he didn’t ask me indirectly?

I find it abit odd how all of a sudden he wanted to know what kind of guy i would get with.
We both have good conversations and there is a physical attraction between us although we have never done anything about it!

Reply February 2, 2012, 6:23 am

Miranda

Okay so this is about my bestfriend. I absolutely love him. But I dont know if he feels the same way.
When I came to his house we were playing football and I told them if they hit me with a football I was going to tackle him. He ends up always throwing the ball towards me when I’m trying to talk to my friend. He said why aren’t you tackling me.
He’s also a gamer so am I we traded gamer tags…
All my friends thinks he likes me because they’ve known him longer he’s usually really mean and stuck up to other people. But I’ve never known him as mean or stuck up. They say he treats me differently. He’s really shy but I still think he thinks of me as a friend.
We share everything like food. We make fun of each other we subconsciously match clothing. We have a lot in common. I don’t won’t to ask him out because I’m afraid I’ll lose him. Recently I got super mad at him yelled,hit him. I’m usually sweet and petite. He calls me short all the time and calls girls hot right in front of me making me jealous. Anyways I got mad at him, he followed me into my class room trying to say sorry. I told him I’m never talking to him again and were not friends anymore. After school he gave me apology letter he’s never done anything like that before and It was in cursive. He said please forgive me (I found out he didn’t do it) Because I would hate to lose you and your like my BestFriend. And walked off. I feel terrible and happy he wasn’t mad back because usually guys get mad back but why didn’t he? It makes me think he likes me Im so confused.!!!! Please reply because I love this guy to pieces.Also his face was red and he looked like he was about to cry when I yelled at him. I would never yell at him ever unless I was serious. I was. I feel terrible and happy at the same time.

Reply January 21, 2012, 9:21 am

Appleblossom

I was best friends with someone I’ve known forever. We spent a wonderful weekend together where things went from friends to more and everything was great when we got back. Then he started slowing down contact. The other day I told him how I felt. He said he couldn’t say what I wanted to hear and that he didn’t think for a second that he had given me the impression that we were anything more than friends. Now he’s completely cut off contact with me and I’ve heard he’s dating someone. Its killing me and I can’t stop crying. Its ridiculous. I’m 38 and he’s gotten into my head like no one has before. Help please!

Reply December 31, 2011, 5:01 pm

14 and need help

okay.. so, i hung out with my friends brother one day this summer and we were kinda flirting with each other then that night he asked me out..i said yes. we went out for a month and he would always say he loved me then randomly one day he broke up with me and wouldn’t tell me why…. so all the sudden on Christmas he chatted me on Facebook and said Merry Christmas.. so we were talking and he said got to go ill text you later.. so that night we were texting eachother…then the next morning he txted me and said like hi wats up and shit like that then he asked me who i liked and i told him i like him (bc i never really stopped liking him but i didnt say that,only said i liked him) and he said he liked me to… so my friend texted him and told him to ask me out and he said k and she said are you going to and he said that he didnt know… so today my other friend said why did u guys even break up in the first place and he said long story and never told her why….how do i know if hes gonna ask me out or not..i really like him and really never stopped liking him

Reply December 28, 2011, 2:26 pm

Katy

Oh everybody, the sad truth is that usually he’s just not that into you. If he was into you he would call you, get really excited about seeing you, treat you with respect, make sure he gets commitment so that he doesn’t lose you to anybody else . Men are actually really straightforward, if they like you they call you and ask you out and treat you nicely. If they don’t then they won’t.

The most important thing is to work on your self esteem and what you are willing to put up with. For the people whose boyfriends never want to meet up or make ridicious excuses then they are probably seeing someone else. For the guys who make you feel guilty for wanting him to take you out to dinner, forget them! Are you really going to marry someone who won’t take you out to dinner? Are you going to be with someone that you can’t be yourself with or trust?

Think about this logically and think about the best couples you know, all of my friends who are in wonderful relationships are so so happy. The men they are with treat them with the upmost respect and have done since day 1. This is mainly because my friends expect no less than absolute respect. The butterflies that you get from a man not calling doesn’t last, it’s love, respect, honesty and commitment that matters. Think about what attributes you really want in a man, what can he add to your already great life? If he’s not adding anything then don’t bother with him. A great relationship is one where both parties are completely happy and secure with themselves and being together is just a massive bonus. I’m not saying that relationships don’t take work but this is what sees you through the years.

I’ve been in the situation of being mad about someone who doesn’t call me or doesn’t treat me well and thankfully ive moved on from that. I’ve met some amazing people and my life is full of wonderful respectful friends and family. So make your life amazing and you will attract someone amazing until then keep studying, make yourself happy and ditch anybody that makes you feel bad.

Reply December 9, 2011, 9:26 am

Cancuk

This is amazing! Really made me feel better about my situation and recent choice to “ditch” him. Thank you!

Reply January 14, 2012, 6:13 pm

19andconfused

Okay I have a really big problem. There is this guy at work that is like 11 years older than me and I really like him but i feel like he is sending me mixed messages. First he says he wants to be friends and then he asks me to come to his apartment for a movie. I told him I didn’t feel comfortable with that so we went to the movie theatre nearby instead. We got there and he was all touchy feely and kissing me and then as soon as he drops me off at home it’s back to being friends again. Now he’s flirting with me outside of work off and on via text and we talk every now and then on the phone. I can’t figure out if he actually wants a relationship or if he’s just playing with me. What the hell is up with that? He seems like a really nice guy but I don’t know what to do. A little help here, thanks.

Reply November 23, 2011, 7:52 pm

bodacious

Urgently In Need Of Advice.

We had a buisness meeting with other people and the gentleman that showed up for the meeting decided when he was leaving he stopped by my desk and told me in front of my boss and two other girls, I reminded him of someone he went to school with and next time he came down he would show me a picture of the girl I looked like. Needless to say I never seen it and he did mention she was a freind and they never dated or had a romatic rucous.
We started talking becasue we had to work closely together but we developed feelings for each other and when we would see each other it was like it took out breaths away. We had this instant connection when we would look into each others eyes and could talk for hours. We had so many things in common that we both seemed to like and we began chatting via txt more indepth. Getting to know each other a little better. We went for dinner together chatted on the phone worked closely together but never slept together even though we wanted to. We wanted to get to know each other better.
Short and condensed he told me he had feeling for me and that he felt he was in love with me and I felt the same way about him. We had spoke about sleeping together but agreed to wait a little longer.
A conflict at work with another party insued and the account was lost on our end and we got into an arguement over it and I felt like he knew all along that they were moving the account and stealing my guys on top of it. I accused him of somethings only where work was concerned and knowing and not telinng me. We always had an agreement that our work life would be seperate from what we do as individuals. Meaning we wouldnt let that come between us yet it did becasue I felt betrayed yet he said he never knew that they were taking the account and guys with them. Anyhow I was really hurt and told him I didnt want to see or talk to him anymore and I greived every day for him for 2 months wishing he would txt me. On my birthday 2 months later he did and we appologized for hurting each other and began to talk again.
Problem I am having is, its not the same. He will txt me and I am curtious that I respond right away and then he takes hours sometimes a day to respond to me yet he was the one who txt me first. I dont understand. He asked me to go to a hockey game with him and I told him I would. When I asked what game he wanted to see he did tell me the two teams he wanted to watch and I asked him when they paly and he said he wasnt sure and that he was tired and needed to get some sleep. I was fine with that as it was late and two days later he brought the topic up again yet nothing was finalized. Then on Friday night we were having a really meaningful conversation and he told me that he never stopped thinking about me ever and how much he wants me and I told him I wanted the same thing and that I was here for him. He came back with …when all that stuff went down he felt like he had lost me and it hurt so bad. I appologized to him again for everything that had happened and told him that I never stopped thinking about him for one second when we didnt talk. He said he I am so confused right now. I have to go. I will talk to you later. I promise. I just need to clear my head.
Well it has been 3 days now and I am not sure if I should txt him or wait for him to txt me.
I guess I am wondering if I am wasting my time. He is a Taurus and rarely opens up about how he feels and now that he said he is confused I am left feeling that it is over.
Was he just trying to see how I felt and then disappear or does he have feeling for me.
I just want to know what the right thing to do in this situation becasue I do love him but his happiness is more important to me then the way that I am feeling. Yet I feel hurt that he hasnt spoken to me in days.

What am I missing.

Reply November 14, 2011, 11:39 am

Raven

I really need help with this one ! :( I have no one to run to for advice I can’t really trust anyone but myself these days.. So anyways last year I was talking to this dude and he was a friend of my sisters ex boyfriends.. We started to talk and then everything him and I spoke about he would run to his friends and show him our conversation and told my sister who told my other sister who told my mom !! I hate people knowing my business ( other than this ) so I was like okay fuck you I’m not talking to you anymore.. So 3 months later he inbox’s me on facebook saying “hey” I’m like WTF do you possibly want ? Did you and your girlfriend break up is that why your talking to me ? he says wish Missy no. I stopped talking to him again because of the same reason people ended up finding out.. Finally two months down the road he texts me saying “hey” I said “you again ” .. Why do you keep coming back ? He said ” there wasn’t a good enough reason for me not to talk to you” whatever .. Him and I four years apart we helped eachother through everything and we both make eachother feel better about ourselves.. People told me to stay away and I don’t understand why. Please tell me what is going on !

Reply November 10, 2011, 8:30 am

Pricilla

This guy that I like(I THINK he likes me) text a lot(and he usually texts me first) but almost never talk in person. Whenever we see each other we hardly talk, but he talks to EVERYONE else. Whenever I’m around him and try to make eye contact, he just dismisses that. I really want to talk to him but he makes it seem so awkward. I’m thinking about telling him not to TEXT me anymore unless he starts talking to me face to face more. He’s really nice and sweet and talented and cute but I guess just really shy….I’m just totally confused! :\

Reply November 6, 2011, 1:22 am

Fatima

I hate it when guys make plans to see you for a secnd date and then totally forget about it!!!! I really don’t understand men period..

Reply November 2, 2011, 10:32 pm

Ashley

O.K. so, here is the problem.
I’m a first year college student and I’m 18 years old. I have known this guy for three months after my arrival at college. I met this guy because he is my friends’s roommate. We start hitting things off. Everything we have a movie night, we would end up cuddling with all our cloths on in either his bed or mine. We become very intimate and it is very clear that he likes me physically, because he tries to go for my butt and my waist all the time. I like him too, but I don’t know how he feels about me. When we are in public, he acts condescending, egotistical, and says that he “can read me like a book” and he knows that I have a “huge crush on him.” I am an aggressive person and every time we are in public, we argue. I hit him gently all the time because he pisses me off, sometimes I grab his wrist really hard or slap him really hard, but he seems to like it because he has this ANNOYING smirk on his face or does not get angry when I do become violent with him. He told me through text, that he does not like me at all. However, when we are cuddling, things become really intense and he always wants it to take it to the next level and make it even more intense than it already is. He makes it very clear that he is physically attracted to me and I am physically attracted to him. But I have no idea if he is EMOTIONALLY ATTRACTED to me. I do not want this “cuddling” to become something I will regret because I want a full, real relationship, not friends with benefits. He tells me that he enjoys talking to me and that I’m a cool person, but the next moment he is telling me how stupid I am and how insensitive I am. I DON’T GET HIM!!! What does he want? How does he feel about me? He always keeps himself aloof and never tells me outright how he feels. I am a straight forward person so I tell him exactly how I feel and why I get so mad at him. I tried confronting him about this, but my brain turns into mush and I can’t come up with a coherent sentence. Something about being around him turns me into a moron. It’s SOOOO aggravating!!! What can I do? I really want to know if he is emotionally attracted to me; like if he likes my personality. I am emotionally and physically attracted to him so I want a full, real relationship, but I have no idea what he wants. He has already told me what to expect from him, but it’s always a puzzle. I just cannot figure him out and I think about him all the time which exhausts me to the breaking point. I don’t know what to do. HELP!!!!!

Reply October 29, 2011, 6:06 pm

kim

I met this guy on a internet site and we started talking on the phone. We have talked on the phone for 9 months. Went for a lunch maybe 4 times in that period. Never would take me out for dinner. Always was busy or had some excuse that seemed unreasonable. I realize that he had his own business but also know that he didn’t work 24-7. so as time went by i got frustrated and upset trying to make time for us to get together but i always got shot down. We always talked about him and what was going on and he never would ask how things were with me. Not being selfish i just thought we would have a two sided conversation. He would say that i would over react when i would get upset about trying to hook up with him. At the beginning i left things up to him but he never done anything with it. We never shared a glass of wine or even a romantic dinner. He would call if not everyday every other day and just talk. As of a month ago i told him i was tired of being a phone friend and that i needed to get on with my life and i couldn’t do it as long as he was calling. I also let him know that is was no longer on my facebook because i didn’t want to know what was going on with him. We have e-mailed and within a month he is seeing someone else. He said the timing was wrong between us. On his e-mail he put a asterick beside the word couples are going on this trip to me. Why would he tell me that? I spent 9 months on this guy and i really don’t know what happened. When i would ask him questions he could not give me a yes or no answer. He would answer around the questions. Did i do something wrong because i wanted to go out for dinner?

Reply October 26, 2011, 9:43 pm

Natalie

Why don’t you just ask him out? Girls need to let guys know how they feel too. It isn’t a one way street… especially if you feel that it’s something that could last a long time. I dated this guy from Russia for 2 months before his student visa was up and he had to go back. He asked me out first, then I asked him out. We had a blast and even though I won’t see him for another year, he still writes me that he misses me. We get to have these conversations because I let him know that I liked him by spending time with him. I just had to be with him and no one was going to make that happen but myself. Take initiative.

Reply October 18, 2011, 3:10 pm

Amanda

I met a guy in his late 40’s online dating site he is a OTR trucker so I was leery. He kept talking about marriage and moving in after only four months of dating. I realized he guarded his phone a lot. I stopped talking to him in March because I felt he was a liar. I now see all he wanted was a place to drop his things off while he is on the road. He has noting but his truck. I found out he found another women that fell for his sob story. She is in for a ride of her life. I was told he owes an ex girlfriend a ton of money. Never date a truck driver no matter how sweet he may seems at first.

Reply October 13, 2011, 4:56 pm

REE

I started dating someone through a social network, I have been seeing him for 6months now, my circumstances were very different at the begining health wise and I was restricted in lots of ways, now I am fit and healthy. His first impressions of me were not great I was a bit of a “Rocket” his words not mine, but non the less I do have to agree with him. We seen each other a couple of times, him coming over to my area, then it died a death for a few months which I was okay with as I was not ready for any kind of relationship or committment. Then he contacted me a couple of months later and we started dating officially, but this meant me going over to him instead of him coming to me, he seems to be driving everything and very keen on me! Even introducing me to his family and friends. On my meeting his friends I had a few drinks and denounced him talking about all the things he did that annoyed me and him not going out of his way to visit me, meet my friends/family. I am a very quiet and subdued person and had bottled up a lot of my feelings, I find it hard to express myself, now he doesn’t know how to deal with my outburst and I am gutted about my behaviour, he still wants to see me – but as expected things are not the same between us and I just want to make it right again, I have apologised profusely, we have a holiday booked together soon, my reckoning is that he will dump me after this, I like this guy lots, but he has always told me he doesn’t want commitment, but that we are in a relationship – a very confused woman! Looking for sound advice.

Reply September 6, 2011, 5:32 pm

Jeanelle Stuart

I friended this guy via social network (not mentioning cause im kinda paranoid lol), i thumbed up a couple of his photos and a day later he messaged me, thanking me and if i wanted to go out sometime. I agreed and a week later he came for me and drove us to this place (ended up going 3rd base) week later asked me again, again drove us to this place and we ended up having sex. Yes it was fast for us but i didn’t really mind, i mean i liked the guy etc. We met up again that week and again 3rd base. Might i add i usually texted him if he’s ok, which he replies with “r u busy?/wanna go out?” Then one day i im’d him and he told me that “it’s better to stop going out with eachother for a while” i was like “why?” first he told me that i’m young and he feels bad (about time) then he told me cause he has alot on his mind (after i bitch-slapped him on im)..then he told me that “maybe i’ll be in the future” Uh..WTF??…..so…..again week later i texted him “how r u?” he replied back “forget it, i have a lot on my mind and im going out with someone else” i was like wth is wrong with you txted him back with “i only asked you how r u, you didn’t have to tell me what you’re doing with someone else” 2 days later he txted me and he apologised for “scolding me” and that he thought i was trying to get him to go out with me again, i was like “i know what no means” and then he told me “im trying to settle down” big WTF?…….THAT’S where my confusion is…..does he want to or no? i mean why did he tell me that he has alot on his mind and at the same time telling me that he’s going out with someone else AND that he’s trying to settle down? i don’t get him really. i don’t want to be his booty call (probably i was though =/)

Reply September 1, 2011, 6:08 pm

maria

Ive been dating a guy for 4mnth now. It was all good at the first he was totally into it like I was. but after cple months he started pulling away and not saying or acting same way. Now we still are together but I am a mess thinking he has cheated and done this and done that because of way he acts. He tells me he likes alone time. this last time he got verbally angry and told me to leave him alone or he would be alone everyday. The next day he calls me to come stay night before he goes back on the road. He is a truck driver. We had fun but I seen some texts in his phone saying he was going to dinner with some girl that night and asked his ex gf if she wanted to go. I know he is still friends with the ex. Wether I like it or not. He said thats all it is. I asked him if he was seeing anyone next day and he said no. He doesnt cheat and he is not a hipocrit. He left out and I hardly heard from him. He txt only when I txt goodnight and my insecurity got me and I made a joke of him talking to his other girls. He sent a txt explaining he has no other girls, who he texts and that its no more of this again. He will end it right away. Then he sent several more texts blowing up at me about us and the fact he prolly only cares just because. He sees it hard to love someone when He and his son doesnt even share love. Tells me we have to talk and talk soon. To leave him alone until we talk so he can sleep. I did and I txt cple days later to see what is up with us. I dont want to continue feeling bad if he jus gonna leave. he will answer back but just with everyday talk. Tell me have a good day at work or what he is doing. Not one thing on if we still a couple or if he decided he didnt want me anymore. He can be a real good guy. I know I have or can be needy and over possesive. He has said before he felt smotherd yet I only see him 2-3 days a month because he a truck driver. My question is do I just go along with what he is doing. Just simple conversation and nothing bout us? or do I call it quits? I care for him I just wanna know If im single or taken. Thats all!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply July 8, 2011, 1:58 pm

Kelly

Maria,

Don’t let him fool you. My friend met a truck driver hewas all about her yada..yada..he had another lady in the next town and one in another State. He played them all. The guy was flat broke looking for se and a place to crash now and then when he made it into town. Don’t let him back into your life he’s playing mind games with you. Be strong dump hi..

Reply September 22, 2011, 5:23 pm

Ellenoa

Hi Munequa,

I think he is being selfish. He wants you to give him what he wants and disregards what you want. I say you try to cut off the time spending with him without telling him since he will out talk you everytime you tried talking to him. Speak with your action.

Lots of Love

Reply July 8, 2011, 3:53 am

Munequa

I met this guy at work 2yrs ago. Hes divorced,raising his 3daughters and has a job that requires constant missions. I know hes has his priorities straight when it comes to work and kids activites. What i cant figure out is if he really cares for me??? Ok here it goes… Weve started dating the end of January have been to the movies 3x, dinner 1 and spend time at his home cuz he does nap alot on the weekends. Now I had mentioned to him that we can be friends, seeing that he has such a hectic schedule but he refused and said he didnt want to loose me. We are both reserved him more, he txts during the day and calls me once a day as hes heading home. He doesnt drink, smoke, or goes to clubs or bars. He doesnt socialize with co-workers because he doesnt want to give anyone reason to talk. He spends time at home, working out, wrking on his side job. He will take about 5 hours to call and always falls asleep. Hes never asked me to be his girlfriend but the first time i decided to stop dating him he got really upset and said I broke his heart and he knew id leave him for someone else which was not the case. I told him that I did want to continue seeing him but that I didnt get the impression that he really cared. He got happy. he does make sure that I take vitamins & eat right and always says that as long as Im his, he will make sure to take care of my body. I went to the movies and he got upset that I didnt invite him but I feel if he knew i was going then he sould have just gone, right? He doesnt want me talking or hanging out with guys. He did mention that he is a jealous person. He texts me that he misses me, that i make him feel good. We are great when it comes to intimacy. He cant stop touching me, or holding me when we are together. Whe are at the movies and he will hold my waste and kiss me so sweetly. I just dont know if he really likes me or if hes in it for the sex? He avoids confrontation or rather not talk about anything that can turn into an argument. When I bring it up later, all he says its a new day and says forget abt it. I know he has trust issues cuz his wife cheated on him. He is so reserved but not when we are in bed. I dont know how to read him or what to think. I told him last week I just wanted to be friends and he doesnt want that. He asks if im seeing someone else or is afraid to loose me. He wants me to tell people im dating him and hes made comments that he likes me more than I think. I dont know what to make of this. I told him that I would stop seeing him if i didnt see a change in us. He told me that he doesnt want me being with guys or to lecture him about what bugs me. I just wish he could make the effort of spending more time with me and take the innitiative to ask me out more. I really like him but i cant figure him out. Can anyone help?

Reply May 3, 2011, 3:46 pm

Nevver

There’s this guy I have liked since we were teenagers. I am 30 now. He never seemed to pay me any attention, so we were never more than friends. More than a few years ago we started hanging out, and decided we wanted to see each other. Circumstances caused us to seperate. We forgot about each other and moved on. I ran into him again a few weeks ago. I immediately felt the old attraction stir up. We exchanged numbers and began to conversate again. On one very emotional and revealing night, we both admitted that there is a real and unforfilled need between the two of us. When I asked him why he never pursued me like he wanted me, he said it is because I was always moving so fast and in other relationships. He told me I have always been independent, fine, and on top of my game. He even went on to say I am the kind of woman he would settle down with because he knows me, and he knows I’m about my business. He said the problem has always been he could never figure out why I dated the guys I did date, and leave guys like him out to dry. I told him I dated the guys I have chosen to date, because the guy I have always wanted did not want me. I made it clear that had he given me the time of day from the beginning, there probably would never have been anyone else. That’s how deep the attraction runs. I told him I always went for the other guy, because he always seemed so disinterested. It was all so bare. We both agreed we have always been intimidated by, but attracted to each other at the same time. He’s sexy. He’s also a no-nonsense kind of guy. He got his stuff together. So how can he possibly be intimidated by me? Anyway, we also agreed we need to make this official and see where it leads.
That was day 1. This is day 5. I have only talked to him twice. I am not desperate, but we are not strangers. We are not breaking the ice. It has already been established we have a lot to work on, and we both want to work together. So, where is he? Why doesn’t he call? When I do talk to him, it’s as if he’s been holding his breath to hear my voice. But, he won’t pursue me. I want to hear his voice. He is aware of that. I am excited by him. Why is he still so aloof? I’m not a braggart, but I have always been an attractive lady. I am a go-getter, and I’m not afraid of life. Men wish they could have me for themselves. Why is this one so hard to get? Does he even really want me at all? Or does he just tell me what he thinks I want to hear? If so, then why?

Reply April 21, 2011, 4:14 pm

Freyer

I met this guy three days ago and i thought that we really hit it of. we texted for a couple of days taking turns in who started the conversation. But know i have to casually start every conversation and he isnt replying.
Today we are ment to meet up with some other friends and he seemed realy excited…am i being to needy and annoying??

Reply April 20, 2011, 10:15 pm

angel

I was dating this guy long distance and never done this before but I fell in love.
well I accused him of seeing someone else and he didnt talk to me for 2 days.
now I asked him wuz up and he told,me he was so sirry
and has had alit on his mind. and yeah he wants to be together byt
has alot going on. what does this mean?

Reply March 24, 2011, 9:13 pm

Taylor

Okay so I have a question for you guys, I have been talking to this guy for a little over a week now, and he kept asking me to go over to his shop and hang out with him and his friends. We started talking about relationships and he told me that he likes girls who are willing to chill with him and his friends and he pretty much described me. I am currently living with my mom and dad while my place is being redone, so I have to ask my mother if I can go out and she finally said yes last night. So I went and chilled with him and his friends, it was a lot of fun, ithought that he liked me and everything, at the end of the night he held me for a little bit and we kissed I asked him about hanging out this Friday at a New Years deal he said yes then he said something about going on a date this weekend, which makes my heart skipped a beat, but its 230 pm and I still haven’t heard from him. He normally texted me all day while at work, I dont think he doesn’t like me but I have heard that he is a player and I just dont know if things will work out or not. I am hoping he is just busy at work and will text me as soon as he gets the chance to but he didn’t even send me a good morning text like he normally does.

Reply December 29, 2010, 4:40 pm

Abbi

Well I have been talking to this guy for 2 months now. We even have a class together. I don’t try to be needy but I try to get his attention. He says he likes me without me even asking n he knows I like him but what’s taking him so long to ask me out? I haven’t wasted all my time on him. I’ve made him jealous by making him think I have more options in guys (which I do, alot actually but they just aren’t the same) but he just isn’t realizing that I want him n not them. Idk what to do?

Reply December 12, 2010, 4:51 pm

Brigette

So, I went to see this new band play with a friend. Her boyfriend plays in the band (drummer) and also in the band there was a hot bass player that I was interested in. Me, my friend, and another girl danced in the front row all night while we watched them play. I never got to meet the bass player and never brought him up to my friend. The next time i went to see their band play with her again (a month later), my friend’s boyfriend (drummer) told my friend that she should introduce me to bass player because he “has been talking about the hot brunette girl for a month (me)”. We were introduced and we all went out after the band played. Bass player got my number and waited 4 days to text. In that same time period of 4 days, i was talking to my friend (who’s dating drummer) and drummer asked her while i was on the phone with her “when were me and bass player were hangin out again”. The 5th day was my birthday, and he told me that they were playing that night and that I should come celebrate and watch the show. I told him that I had dinner plans with some friends, then we might stop by. We ended up going and bass player was happy to see me. He told me that he wanted to take me to dinner the next week. He never asked about it the next week but was texting me. I always would let him initiate the texts. The following weekend he picked me up to go out with him and some friends to see another band play. We had a lot of fun and danced together. he told me that he was sorry that he never brought me to dinner and wanted to reschedule (he brought it up). That happened on a sat. and he waited to text me until wednesday to see what I was up to. That following weekend was this past weekend and he went out of town for a football game (college). He texted me all weekend. He said that he wanted to reschedule our date. Nothing has happened yet with that but he’s been texting me and telling me that he’s attracted to me. I saw my friend’s boyfriend (drum player) while i was with her this past weekend and he brought bass player up and said that bass player really likes me. The two of them are really good friends and grew up together and im pretty positive that he wouldn’t bring bass player up if he wasnt interested in me. What is the deal here? is he just trying to figure me out or what is going on? – Confused

Reply October 27, 2010, 10:28 am

Eric Charles

Yeah, Isabella gave you some tough-love there, but she’s 100% right.

Reply August 17, 2010, 12:25 pm

Isabella

Katora-
Get a clue, dear! He is playing with your head !! Some men like to have what I call a pantry full of backup jars to feed their ego’s and make them feel desirable. Or just in case their current relationship falls apart and they need someone to run to. If you have never seen him in person it’s because 1. he can’t he has a gf/wife 2. he doesn’t want to. And as far as his FB status…LMAO.. he was the one who changed it prob at her insistance. If his neices changed it for him, which I doubt, then how do they even know who this girl is unless he is dating her? If it wasn’t true then he would have changed it back to single, but he COULDN’T..because that would have upset the GF. Just to be clear here., you do not have a relationship with this guy. What you have is an online flirtation that will go nowhere. If you want to continue to be used to feed this jerks ego, the choice is yours. Personally, I would fire his ass and delete him ASAP. Find yourself a real man and don’t waste time on selfish little boys. If a man doesn’t treat you with kindness and repect, leave him in your rearview mirrow.

sorry to be so blunt.

Reply August 17, 2010, 7:43 am

Katora

Hello,
Right now I am debating If I should try to make my relationship workout. I have never seen him in person before but we have seen each other through facebook. In the beggining he was making plans to see me, and we talked at all hours on the phone everyday. everytime we were close to seeing each other something happened. Then a week ago he said he went over his cousin house so once that happened the calls and texts slowed down alot. Now he catches an attitude or stands me up saying he has to work or he is tired. during all of this he still trys to say he do care about me and he dont want anyone else but me. a few days ago he says he didnt put a girl on his facebook page as his woman but it clearly says on facebook he is in a relationship with her. he said his nieces have his password and did that. what do i do???

Reply April 14, 2010, 12:27 pm

Natasha

I’m the girl who the main post is from, Ana, I have no clue :) We have similar problems, I started calling him maybe once every two weeks now and he is so damn nice to me but always says, hey i’ll call you back, AND NEVER CALLS BACK. Drives me fucking insane….

Reply November 7, 2009, 6:06 am

ana

actually I too same the same similar problem but in my case he would ask me out but then cancel on me with all sorts of reasons.then finally he made it for one date.i really like this guy so I told him that I liked him. He said that he too likes me but is afraid of relationships and not confident about himself but he told me to continue talking to him. after 1 month, he has to me that if I talk to him or see him everyday I would feel more him and he asked to not. So I told him if that’s what he wants I wouldn’t talk to him anymore or chat with him anymore. He said ok. Since i totally stopped communicating with him and moved on with my life but after 3 months like that, he comes back to me saying sorry and he wants things to be normal and that he missed me alot. So what does this mean?? please help me

Reply November 6, 2009, 12:54 am

Amber Fryer

I dont know what to do!!! I have dated this guy before many times but this last time we broke up he told me to leave him alone so I did and I flirted. When he saw that I flirted he yelled at me and gave some bullshit saying that he was going to get back with me he was thinking about it and all that but the day after this happened i talked to his mom and she said that he asked her for money becasue he was going to ask jemme hart to the movies so i yelled at him well a few weeks after that he asked to talk to me so i went to his house and he tryed to hold me and told me he wanted me back well we started talking again and hangging out and stuff then he asked me out two times but i told him both times to ask me when he ment it and really ment it well that wendsday and we had sex then he told me after that he was confused so what now????

Reply October 23, 2009, 10:00 am

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