Ask a Guy:  Is It Cheating If… post image

Ask a Guy: Is It Cheating If…


I’m in the early stages of dating a new guy, and although I’m not seeing stars, I’d like to see where it goes. He’s been very sweet so far; he calls me “hun” and “sweetie,” and he keeps in touch and follows through on his word (unlike other guys I’ve known).

I have had a casual relationship with someone else for several months that has never been broken off. I guess I want to keep my options open, and in case this new relationship doesn’t work out, I still want to maintain the casual relationship. If this new relationship does develop into something more, would it later be looked upon as a betrayal if I continued to see the casual relationship guy at this early stage?

It wouldn’t be cheating.

You’ve made no arrangement or agreement, so there is nothing to “cheat” on.

With that said, if your relationship with the new guy does develop into something and at some point he finds out you were continuing to see another man at the beginning of the relationship, he will probably resent it.

Even if he is mature and secure, it would be pretty hard for him to reflect on all those amazing moments that usually happen at the beginning of a relationship and not have them colored by the thought that you were sleeping with some other guy while he was “courting” you.

Imagine how much of a chump he would feel like as he reflects on a night where you give him an innocent kiss goodnight and then he imagines you going over to this other guy’s house for reckless sexual abandon. Imagine how stupid he would feel when he thinks about cute moments and silly jokes between the two of you, overshadowed by the hypothetical vision of you and this “casual lover” working your way through the Kama Sutra.

I’m not saying that is what you’re doing, but that’s the type of thing that would be going through his head. Chances are he would not be able to shake the images and as a result, he won’t be able to shake the feeling of being a fool/chump.

At the same time, I’m not saying don’t do it. But if you do it and he finds out (even years later) it will blow up in your face.

Don’t get me wrong though. I’ve date several women at the same time and I expect that they might do the same. It’s not to say that I’m against exclusivity or a long term committed relationship, but when I am not looking for that I see no reason to limit my options.

And let’s be honest – just because someone is nice and sweet does not mean we want a relationship with them. It just means they are safe, but more often than not we want sexy. Sometimes it takes a person some time to warm up though.

Anyway, to make a long story short: No, it’s not cheating, but it could be destructive down the line so be mindful about what you’re doing.

Hope it helps,

eric charles

7 comments… add one

Leave Your Comment Now...

Paula

My boyfriend of one month told me that he had gone for coffee with a girl from his work on Saturday after he dropped me off for a spa eveing at my friends, he says it was just coffee and he helped her look at tvs. I believe him but I’m really annoyed he mentioned it, even though he said he told me because there was nothing in it and he has nothing to hide. The thing that annoyed me was the fact that 2 days before this happened he had told me he wanted some space and to slow things down……now what am I supposed to think? I need some advice! Thanks!

Reply January 30, 2012, 6:15 am

Sarah

My current boyfriend did that to me. He slept with someone else in the first couple of weeks of dating. Even though we didn’t have the exclusive talk until a month after, it still made me feel really crappy when I found out. It’s been about 3 months since I first found out and I’m still having trouble with it.

Reply October 4, 2011, 5:08 pm

Mallory

Why!? HE CHOOSE YOU not the other pathetic girl that gave it up to him, for me, I’d feel like a prize because he picked you in the end. Don’t dwell over something that is in the past, you guys weren’t exclusive and he was probably still unsure about you as you probably were about him. Relax and be happy with your guy.

Reply July 11, 2013, 10:00 pm

Mallory

Chose**.

Reply July 11, 2013, 10:00 pm

Annie

Is it okay if a boyfriend crashes at his female friend’s place and vice versa? When are you crossing the line? Can too much independence be one?

Reply March 6, 2011, 11:07 am

Maya

I have been known this guy for three years, we have the same goals and standards in life.
but our contact was on and off. however this summer after a party we again started to contact that hasn’t ended yet/
We told each other that we like each other in the summer ,but then again he said that he is not one girl at a time and he has ruined his relationships in the past and he doesn’t want this to happen to us.
I knew he was telling me the truth and I kinda admired him for his honesty .
but he sends me confusing signals.
Oh I have to say that we are at the same school , he is a prof and I am a grad student in the same field.
we hang out and send eachother flirty txt msges. However, last weekend we went to school together , he hugged me at the coffee shop and we shared a ride back home together and had dinner on the way .
However, he started suggesting me that he wants to hook me up with someone else?
I refused and then again the day after he said it again.
I am confused his behaviors are very confusing ! I think he likes me but why he is trying to set me up with someone else.
Is it all just part of his game?
should I stop contacting with him or should I just ignore him ?
i have to say I really do like this guy …

Reply October 25, 2010, 11:35 am

sweetheart

He won’t resent it. I’ve done this before the guy barely even cares.

Reply September 27, 2010, 3:04 pm

Leave a Comment

Recent Relationship Forum Activity

STOP LETTING MEN
CONFUSE YOU

Sign up for our
free newsletter
and get a free chapter
of our book,"He's Not
That Complicated"