Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › What does he want from me?
This topic contains 124 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Anon 5 years, 11 months ago.
Ikr! SMH. What a prince.
Wait, I don’t understand this statement: “I know he cheated on me with the ex and it’s only because she was willing. If she wasn’t, then he wouldn’t have cheated”.
Ugh… so it’s all based on his ex’s actions, so she gets to dictate whether he cheats or not? She has a hold on him. If she is willing, then he is gonna cheat on you. Does that even sound right to you?
Shouldn’t it be, whether if his ex is willing or not, he will never cheat on me? He will keep his dick in his pants?
Like I said before-if he was a good guy and loved you…the ex could straddle him,naked, and he would tell her to leave him alone. You seem sadly deluded to me.
You-I meant Autumn
I don’t see what I’m deluded about? I believe that relationships can work even when it seems like all hope may be gone. And I do find it funny that since the ex has been gone, we are doing better. I can’t believe how some of you don’t see that and don’t see him changing and doing better by me. Things aren’t perfect but we are seeming to do better.
And yes she was willing to have sex with him. He’s not going out of his way to contact her for sex. If he really truly wanted sex with someone else again, he would just go out there and do it . And he hasn’t. I did think he was going to carry on with someone else But I don’t think so. I do feel he may have been confused. I do want to just move on from whatever happened with the ex and know he wants to as well. He could easily try and ask for her back if he really wanted her. But he hasn’t. He’s working things out with me. It’s odd that no one sees that on here.
Because we can’t get past the blatant abuse against you. The guy treated you like crap for your birthday. The stripper club. He has it in him to use sex videos against his ex? Psycho..
You are in love with a psycho.
And what’s scary is that even after writing it out, you don’t realize this.
And it’s not odd at all. When you look from the outside in, it’s crystal clear.
You are the one who has to live this nightmare, not us. We tried to tell you and I’m sure this won’t be the last we hear from you. Please get yourself some psychological help.
Wow! I still don’t understand-“if she had not been willing to have sex, he would not have cheated” You say it is odd we don’t see how he is trying. What we see is a cheater,a guy with poor impulse control,a user and generally poorly pricipled,self-centered man. He has made your life hell and shot your self esteem but somehow,you can’t live without him. The drama train will certainly continue. Good luck with all that.
The odd part is why-with the ex out of the picture ( for now)-that you, Autumn,feel you have “won”, some kind of battle with him as your prize. Why anyone wants this guy is beyond me.
I haven’t read all of the last replies, because just a few after my last reply were enough.
I’m sorry, Autumn, but I think you are just as toxic as he is. Not in a way that you are victim-minded, as I had thought before, but that you create drama, you manipulate, you lie to others and yourself etc.
You were venting to her, because you wanted to keep an enemy close? No healthy people in healthy relationships do this. They don’t even perceive other women as enemies, let alone trying to keep them close, in order to manipulate the situation…. This really speaks volumes about your mindset. And then you say she was causing the drama? Are you sure you didn’t contribute to this?
You believe ‘people in relationships and marriages do this all the time’ – meaning they put up with cheating? Maybe, but only sick, toxic, unhealthy people. I know that there are some women who believe that this is a kind of a man’s right – to cheat. Apparently, you are one of them.
I don’t know what I lied about or manipulated.
What I meant by viewing the ex as the enemy is that I didn’t fully trust her during our conversations. I’d tell her to keep me posted about a guy she was involved with. She would talk to me about those guys so I was assuming we were kind of friends but I really didn’t trust her 100& though. And I had every right to not trust her. She turns around and calls him to “apologize” for her part in all of this drama. I told her I would never do that to a friend. She didn’t think their conversation was harmless at all. So how am I being manipulative when SHE was the one who contacted my bf behind my back?????? Why doesn’t anyone see what SHE did wrong?????
I confided in her about our problems because I felt that she was the only one who understood what I was going through. But now I see that that was a huge mistake. At that time, I felt so broken. I told her many things, mostly things that involved her. But I confided in her. She confided in me and it made me feel like we were becoming friends. She thought it was weird but I didn’t. I make jewelry and made her a necklace to let her know that we would always be connected no matter what. Then she turns around and contacts him behind my back to apologize. I told her I felt hurt and betrayed by her. I guess I don’t unders
Well, these are your words, you said before that you were venting to her in order to keep an enemy close. I’m not saying she didn’t do anything wrong, I’m saying you can’t undermine your part in all of this mess.
I know one and only one woman who’s been doing this with her now ex-husband – putting up with cheating and keeping all enemies (real or potential OWs) close. She never saw that he’s a womanizer and abuser, she really thought he is so amazing that all the women want to steal him (oh no, he wasn’t even handsome, he was just very persistent in pursuing and rotating about 10 OWs at a time). He was f*cked up, but she was just as sick as he was. You know all poeple’s opinions – the only advice is to get out of the abusive, toxic situation asap, but this your life, you will do whatever you want to. So stay if you want to, good luck with that… Enable abuse, let him cheat and fight all your ‘enemies’. Sounds like fun…
Why are we spending so much time with this..,,
The man clearly is treating her with the utmost disrespect. She is trying to rationalize and protect him by saying his ex was willing to have sex with him…that’s why he did. Ad nauseum.
She doesn’t want to leave him.
Period. It’s that simple. Leave her alone.
Yes,we are “beating a dead horse ( what an awful phrase)but only because we have objective perspective and sincerely want to help. But you are right P.G.-this is a lost cause.
Whoa! Wait what? You made her a necklace? Why? WTH?????
This is beyond weird. Why would you think it’s okay to give your bfs ex who he was sleeping with throughout your relationship, a NECKLACE? Really? Why confide in her about your troubles in the relationship? Does he know all this?
This is weird all weird. I’ve never heard anything like this before in my LIFE. And now somehow she’s the problem and everything is good? But…but… you gave her a necklace. It sounds like someone else mentioned on here that you were doing your own manipulating…for what? This piece of trash that you call a bf? You said that she betrayed you, but why did you ever think she was your friend in the first place? I really do think you did all of that placing her on a fake pedestal ( or at least letting her believe that) so that when she did something you didn’t approve of, you could make your own self look like a victim and lash out at her because at this point, you had ( still have ) no reason at all to be upset by her. She’s not your friend and you’re were never hers. If I were her, I’d be weirded out by both you AND your precious “man”.
Yeah there is no sense in going on and on with her about this considering she’s choosing to stay. I think at this point, he’d have to dump you for good for you to get a clue that you 2 don’t need to be together. I will not be surprised if he’s just messing around with you until he finds someone he actually WANTS to replace you.
I do appreciate all the words. .
I am sure I’ll be back with an update on us. Who knows, I’m probably going to regret giving this another try and who knows we may just work out. Only time will tell.
I don’t regret making her a necklace at all as I enjoy making things for people. Did I learn alot from this experience with her? Yes. Do I think he’s a great guy? Well he’s very loving when he’s not being a jerk and trying to smooth things over. Like I said, I’ve invested so much into this relationship. We’ll see what happens. We’re supposed to go to Florida with his kids really soon so maybe this trip is something that will be a great thing for us both.
I will apologize in advance for being blatantly honest, but have you ever thought that you might in fact, like being treated in the way you described? More often than not, the ones I have met complaining about their bad or abusive relationships were actually people that subconsciously liked being in such a relationship and consequently, never got rid of their psychologically and emotionally unstable partners. One of my best friends spent months complaining about her allegedly crazy boyfriend, but even after 6 years, she is still with him. Still getting the same old and bad treatment, but hey, she is fine with it.
I would not want to hurt your feelings or be rude, so I apologize if I do. I am just trying to say that the solution of what you wrote is so simple and obvious (that he does not deserve you and you need to get some self-respect and dump him and never contact him again), that only a person alike your boyfriend would think otherwise.
Coming up with an argument that let’s say, you love him a lot and that’s why you cannot get rid of him easily will not hold water for me, because loving someone does not imply a willingness to be in a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship. Your boyfriend seems to have some unresolved issues and as long as you support him by being with him, I would see that as nothing else, but as if that’s the kind of boyfriend you like being with. So make up your mind! Just remember, no one is irreplaceable and you can fall in love with someone else who will appreciate you and treat you well. :)
Thank you for replying. What unresolved issues do you feel like he has?
And No I do not like being treated in this manner. I talk to him about how I feel the way he’s treating me. I stay because I’d like to believe that he’s capable of doing better by me. I don’t know if we will be together for as long as your best friend is, but if he can treat me better then anything is possible I guess.
Autumn, I feel really bad reading this because your bf is not respectful, selfish, dishonest and useless. He’s taking advantage of you! He knows your soft spots! He wants you to contribute everything, yet he didn’t return anything in any way and he will not. He’s using you for money, he’s using your love! It’s difficult to leave someone you have strong feelings for, but look at the bigger picture, he’s toxic and he’s ruining your life and preventing you from having a normal life! You’re being tortured by him constantly. Please leave him asap! You really have to let this man go! Work on your own issues being single. Why are you with him if you can be better alone?
“I stay because I’d like to believe that he’s capable of doing better”
Autumn, honey… no.
You want someone to tell you what you want to hear.
You WANT to believe and that is why you are stuck.
This man has proven time and time again that he is NOT capable of doing better and to make it worse, he is not willing.
You talk to him about how you feel and how it hurts you and nothing changes.
Sure, he makes the right motions and the right noises for a while and you WANT TO BELIEVE he will do better.
He has shown you there is nothing to believe IN.
He sleeps with his ex… why??
Because she was willing??
He will find another willing woman when the mood strikes him.
That is the kind of man he is.
He has shown you that.
A good man does not do this to a woman he loves.
He does this to you because you continue to tolerate it and there is no consequence for his actions.
You are so used to his poor behaviour you don’t even realize how awful this is.
This has become your barometer for what is normal.
Honey, please get some counselling.
He has everything he wants.
The only one who is suffering here is YOU.
Really ,the bar he has to hit to treat you “better”, Autumn is pretty damn low-so sad.
He broke up with his ex last March. You started dating him in April. You moved in with him on June. Which was way too freaking fast but then he was really only interested in your money at this point. He wants to rub all over strippers on his birthday in front of you. He makes you pay for your own birthday dinner plus his dinner and his son’s!! He buys his ex a couch and a dining room table and then tries to borrow money from you when he runs out. And of course he goes and cheats on you with his ex. The same ex he made sex videos with that he threatens to show to other guys so he obviously still has them!
You are 12 years older. He’s using you for money and because he can do whatever the hell he wants and you won’t leave. So why don’t you just have the ex move in the the two of you? I mean she can at least contribute to the household bills if he’s going to screw he right under your nose! Then the two of you can sit around making jewelry for each other while he’s rubbing on some stripper giving him a lap dance.
@ Devils Advocate, don’t forget, dude wants a threesome with both the current gf and ex!
Wow, I guess my situation is a joke to you all. This is what I get for mentioning my situation. I should have known.