What does he want from me?


Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals What does he want from me?

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  • #612475 Reply

    Autumn

    Marie, you are more than welcome to not reply if you feel like I am multiple people ( which I am not, thats ridiculous).

    Shoshannah, I know that sounds weird but at the end but I pretty much have one foot in and the other foot halfway out the door.

    #616661 Reply

    Autumn

    Thanks for all of the advice and the people who knew that my posts weren’t fake. I don’t feel the need to mock my situation or make it up or come in here and make jokes. Why make jokes about a serious situation? I guess people troll on these sites for kicks and giggles but that’s not me nor do I feel the need to do so. My situation is real and though I may not react in ways that other people would, does not make my situation any more fake. You all said things that I know I needed to hear and is true. My self esteem needs work.

    I’m taking things day by day right now. MY whole issue was with the ex. And since she’s been gone, we’ve been improving a bit. So basically, I see that she was the problem ( like I mentioned) the whole time. It’s me he wants, not her. he’s with me, not contacting her to ask for her back, he’s working things out with me. I hope we can build some kind of future together. Again I sincerely appreciate all the advice.

    #616708 Reply

    Newbie

    Its nice you got good advice, its just too bad you didnt see that most of us here want more and better things for you than you do. Take care and keep your eyes open

    #616715 Reply

    peggy

    I agree with Newbie-I wish you luck Autumn but doubt it will be long until you are posting again with the same or worse issues. The ex is not the issue. If he was good guy and committed to you,she could straddle him naked and he would push her away and make it clear he loved you only.

    #616730 Reply

    Prairiegirl

    Why do you care about why he ‘wants’ you?

    And you want to wait to find out if he goes back to his ex you will leave him?

    It’s mind boggling…

    #616755 Reply

    Autumn

    Newbie, Peggy, Prairegirl,

    I have to believe she was the issue. She caused problems in our relationship.. I’ll be honest, I vented to her about things going on in our relationship ( not everything but some things) because I guess I wanted to keep her closer to me ( as I considered her an enemy and never fully trusted her). But notice how since she’s been gone and not in the picture, he’s treating me better. She had to have been the problem this entire time. Things are not perfect between us, but they are getting better thankfully. That’s what I wanted. I wanted to know that the feelings that I was feeling were all in my head and that he does truly love me.

    And Prairiegirl,

    Of Course I’m curious as to what he wants from me. I needed to get out of my head and for others to see if he cares for me. I believe he’s starting to treat me better because of what he knows he’ll lose if I walked out that door. I am better for him than the ex was. I take care of business ( financially) and he wants someone that will contribute…. he told me the ex hardly ever helped that it was almost always HIM footing the bill on things. I’m showing to him that I am more of a person who is committed to this which is why he wants to be with me and not her. I don’t blame him. This is exactly why I asked about him telling me about the call she made to him, if that was his way of showing that cares about me.

    #616759 Reply

    Cari

    Wow.

    I figured you were probably going to stay. It sounded like it in your replies.

    It IS quite funny how he doesn’t have a distraction right now and is “focused” on you. Ok sure, the ex may be gone and he may be done with the ex but what about the MILLIONS of OTHER women out there that he could get “distracted” from? I’m not trying to be negative but this guy doesn’t seem to love you. And so you say the ex didn’t help contribute to bills so that’s why he’s with you because you do? Did it stop him from buying her furniture while he was with you? Come on, it didn’t bother him too much if he was still F**king with her while yall were in a relationship. And I guess you really ARE fabulous with paying bills considering he had YOU pay for your own dinner….. in front of your own family? Seriously? I’m a little iffy about that situation though… why would he make you pay in front of your own family? What do they think of your “boyfriend”?

    you really go hard at the ex and I don’t know why.

    #616764 Reply

    SthrnBelle

    Oh, wow, what a great boyfriend! What does he want from you? To be his doorstep to wipe his feet on. This guy should have been history ages ago. Can it get much worse? What are you waiting for? That he physically abuses you too?

    #616776 Reply

    Crisula

    Autumn,

    You are in denial right now…not uncommon at all.
    You are one of many women, who tend to place full blame on the other woman,
    in causing the destruction of a relationship.

    I know you’re in love, but I think one day it will all hit you in the face, hard, as to how badly you’re being treated.

    You’re half way there, just by reaching out for advice…you obviously are aware there is something is wrong

    I hope that day of a ‘rude awakening ‘comes soon…
    I hate to see a good woman waste her life on an emotionally abusive man, who obviously hasn’t any respect for women.

    I wish you nothing but the best x

    #616845 Reply

    Autumn

    Crisula,

    Thank you. I just see him as trying right now. We have been doing so much better now that the drama is behind us.

    I had considered leaving. I felt like he wasn’t happy with me or that I couldn’t give him happiness. He’d go out and get drunk, drink alcohol to sleep. I just didn’t know what his problem was. But he’s doing better and that’s what I want him to do.

    #616922 Reply

    Prairiegirl

    Autumn,

    You think he is improving. I hope you’re right and that he will continue to improve into the man he should be….

    I doubt he will improve much though. Any small improvements you see in him will very likely not last long. Just reading your first post was sickening, the way he treats you.

    If you were to be no contact with him say at least 90 days it would give you a chance to reflect and also hopefully change your mindset about him. Get a good counsellor…show her/ him this entire thread if you will.

    You have been enabling him to treat you this way, this is the way he is…this is his character.

    I wish you all the best.

    #616932 Reply

    Deane

    This whole story makes no sense, so his ex had to do with his bad treatment of you? The strip club? Using you for money and all that? I don’t beleive this is a real person or situation.

    I notice, like mike, the Op responds to every individual answering. That is the pattern of all these fake threads. The Op answers everyone and so that’s why the thread goes on and on. And all she does is rebut or make excuses or pontificate about the ridiculous.

    Like in this case. All of a sudden th ex was the reason and things are so much better now.. yeah right.

    #616967 Reply

    Autumn

    Deane,

    Forgive me for responding to people who reply to a post I made. If you feel it’s fake, I will not sit here and continue to convince some of you of the realness in my situation.

    Yes she’s the blame for continuing on with bringing drama into our lives, not the strip clubs or the money.

    We’ve talked about things involving the money. He and I share rental property to where I pay the bills at the property and buys the equipment that needs to be repaired. Since we are in this together, he can only do so much financially. I’m the one who expected him to more than he actually should. I only give 400 a month at the house. Yes we have our issues outside of the ex, I cant ever deny that. But the strip club night was him being a man. I don’t mind him going to a strip club, the fact that he wanted me to go with him and not without, lets me know he was considering our relationship. I’ve already discussed with him about him rubbing on the dancers. When we went home the day of his birthday weekend, of course he argued with me but he knows where I stand with things. So he chose not to go at all, though he assumed i was trying to change him ( that;s not the case) I was only trying to express to HIM how it made me feel and wanted him to respect our relationship.

    He couldn’t afford to pay for everyone at my birthday dinner because of all the money going out. These are instances where I need to think about how I am being towards him. And to answer Cari’s question ( forgive me for responding to people in a thread I made lol) my family hasn’t really said much about him and know that I am a grown woman who will understand that I am capable of making my own decisions with men.

    I know he cheated on me with the ex and it’s only because she was willing. If she wasn’t, then he wouldn’t have cheated. I don’t think he’s going out there trying to find another girl to cheat on me with. Hence my issues with the ex. I know she was the last girl he was involved with and I know that he doesn’t have the greatest opinion of himself. I don’t know how he genuinely feels about the ex but I will say that whatever they HAD, is gone. He’s shown me that these past few months. I know in my heart he knows what he’ll lose if I walk out that door, which is why he is trying to work things out with me and no one else.

    He said that I treat him better than he’s been treated in a very long time by a woman. So the ex clearly wasn’t doing her part. He knows what he hes with me, I have to believe that he finally sees what he has.

    Crisula,

    thank you for your reply. I do hope he continues to improve everyday. I have to believe he will.

    And to anyone who feels my whole posts is fake, don’t come in here or respond to me. Simple as that, right?

    #616973 Reply

    Autumn

    Why is that so hard to believe?

    I don’t understand you all

    #616975 Reply

    Carol

    You are desperate to have this man in your life. So be it.

    You said from the first post and in the title you don’t know why this wonderful and charming man wants to be with you. You of all the women out there. Even his ex!

    Your conclusion seems to be that it’s because you somehow are better than the ex. Which is a really odd way of justifying the reason for being with a man. In fact it’s downright crazy. So if a man treats you poorly you beleive it has to do with him trying to decide between you and the ex? And in the end you win this piece of work?

    You stated early on your issues are bigger than a dating forum can handle, and I fully agree. You need major professional help.

    Good luck. Hope you can find yourself to a better place in self esteem and love life. Right now everything about this is just a recipe for ongoing stress, heartbreak and self destruction.

    #616979 Reply

    Hannah

    Well what happens if the ex comes back and wants sex again? According to you, he’s fine with all other women (exempt he likes to touch up strippers in front of you), but what if the ex comes back? Are you really happy being his number 2 woman?

    And you do have other issues that have been discussed. You agreed he was emotionally abusing you.

    Plus you pay all the bills?! What does he pay for?

    You keep saying “I have to believe”. But why do you? The truth is he cheated, does pay his way and emotionally abuses you. There are the facts.

    You only “have to believe” because you can’t bear the thought of being without him, even though he’s a total low life. Autumn you deserve so much better than this. Every woman does.

    #616997 Reply

    Autumn

    No I pay all the bills at the rental property and only contribute 400 a month at the house we share. He pays the remaining of the bills. And he pays for the equipment to replace things like heaters in the apartments and things of that nature. Plus he does the repairs himself.

    I’ve already mentioned that I love him. But I have to see if we have a future together. That’s all. Though he will never admit to the cheating, I have to put that in the past and move on. People in relationships and marriages do that all of the time. I guess I’m starting to see that he truly does care about me and wants for things to work out. It just seems different now.

    I agree that I deserve better and all I wanted was for HIM to give me that better. He’s seeming to do that. We have alot invested in our relationship. I must do my part and see if we can work.

    #617003 Reply

    Cari

    Ok so your family is ok with a man letting you pay for your own birthday dinner in front of him? Even your daughters were ok with this guy who could potentially be their father by marriage one day? Oh okay. And you said you were physically abused by your kids father? Why would you want your kids to see you in yet, another terrible relationship?

    I’m reading back some of your messages because at one point I almost thought this was a bunch of bs… and it just might be but if it is in fact true, you said this wonderful boyfriend of yours would NEVER cheat on you or hit you and you claim to wait on him to hit you or cheat on you ( AGAIN)? Why? There are several men out here that won’t do either. I know it’s hard to believe but it’s true. This guy is not the end all be all. He really isn’t.

    And so now you’re a better girlfriend to the ex because you pay and treat him better? Or could it be that you’re willing to not only give him money, overlook the fact that he cheated and can lay his hands on females in a gentlemans club but also reward him with a nice birthday dinner without him having to do shi** for your day? And then on top of it, STILL live with him and pay the bills at the rental property you both share? Ok. So what property does the ex and your adoring boyfriend share? Anything? And she wasn’t paying the amount of bills? Well I don’t blame her. He was footing the bills when they were together? Oh okay. And then after they break up and you 2 are together, he STILL goes out and buys her furniture for her apartment? I see why he stays with you. He’s getting away with things he probably wouldn’t be able to do with the ex. did that occur to you?

    Either way, it’s sad that you don’t think you don’t deserve better. This is a horrible relationship and for you to defend HIM of all people and paint the ex as the problem is even worse. Sounds like you are justifying your reasonings for staying with someone you KNOW treats you sh**ty. Good luck with this. I don’t see HOW you can be happy.

    #617007 Reply

    Cari

    Oh and you 2 have a future alright, but it may not be the one you expect.

    Again, like it’s been mentioned SEVERAL TIMES in this posting alone, the ex is NOT the problem here. You just want her to be. It’s easier for her to be painted as the problem when the problem is right there with the guy you are laying next to every night. I’m pretty sure you don’t trust him, still. I’m sure that everytime he walks out the door or is coming home late, you’re questioning where he actually was. Something you should consider….. why go through all of that? I really do hope he’s doing better by you. But even if you haven’t heard from the ex or he hasn’t or whatever the case may be, what if she DID contact him? Who cares what SHE DOES, it’s all about what HE DOES and how HE HANDLES IT. He could have told her where to go in their last conversation. Did he tell you if he told her he was happy with you and for her to not contact you again?

    #617009 Reply

    Cari

    Contact him again I mean*

    #617029 Reply

    Autumn

    I’m not going to get in to anything else. I just came on here to say that he and I are doing better and to thank everyone for their advice, thoughts and opinions on my situation. Most of you have been very supportive. I guess don’t see how some of you cant see that he can do better by me. I am a good woman and I know he knows that. So maybe, just maybe he wants us to work just as much as I want us to work. I can’t say that I trust him 100% but I will get there if he continues on this path.

    #617095 Reply

    Autumn

    Oh no it’s true. He cheated. She’s not lying. In his own way, he admitted to it without admitting it. He’d come home showered before I got home. He gets off work at 3pm and is at home by 3:45 ish. I get off work at 4pm and am home close to 5pm. Those days were the days he was with the ex. She has no reason to lie about the cheating. Plus he goes to lunch at 11am. She goes to lunch at 12. He would let me know he was going to lunch at a different time for work reasons….yeah right…work reasons. Plus, I could just tell. Besides he always said they were friends. Plus I remember early on in our relationship, he spent time with the ex one weekend, claiming that she was having a “tough time”. So they went hiking, bike riding…. but told me I had “nothing to worry about”. WHen I talked to the ex about that, she confirmed it except she said it was his idea to spend the weekend together, she just made the hiking plans but she told me exactly what happened. And that SAME weekend, he tells me that he would invite me along if it wasn’t going to be awkward and asked me if I wanted a 3some with them. she also mentioned to me that he never mentioned a 3some with anyone that weekend.

    I always had a problem with those 2 being so close of “friends”. Too many situations to believe he actually cheated. But what I do feel is that this last time she was in contact with him, I felt that she wanted him to think about her when he didn’t have her on his mind,

    #617096 Reply

    Autumn

    Plus our mutual friend saw the text messages where it was incriminating to my bf. He saw them with his own eyes on his phone. And this friend is a mutual friend who would have no reasons at all to lie to me about things. She gave it to him for “insurance” I guess. But never gave it to me because though I wanted to have it, I didn’t probe for it much. In the heat of the moment, she was going to message me the texts because she and my bf were going back and forth arguing ( this is when he was going to send out sex videos to people of those 2). But then she told me she didn’t want me to see them because they were “horrible”.

    #617099 Reply

    peggy

    Wow!-I want a man that cheats on me,treats my ex better than me and wants to go to strip clubs and have threesomes with the ex-oh wait…he is taken…boo hoo.

    #617101 Reply

    peggy

    Oh and I missed the sex video part…bonus!

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