What does he want from me?

Hi Autumn-I am sorry but he is not a nice person or a good boyfriend, I doubt he loves you ,as I would define love to include “having the other person’s best interests at heart”. He is immature, disrespectful and using you and your money at his convenience. I hate to also think of your kids seeing this terrible example of what “love” is. Please consider that you will not change him and this won’t get better. I think you should leave him and work on improving your confidence and self-esteem. Then, you can form relationships with loving, respectful men and also just enjoy life with or without a man. Do it for yourself and your kids. If you stay, this will get worse and destroy your mental health. You can do this! Good luck.

Wow, youre letting him treat you like a doormat. Why? I would rather be a happy single than put up with cheating, neglect, lies and being a sugarmomma to a douchebag

Autumn-I repeat,he is an a-hole and you can’t change this. Ex in the picture or not,he is a horrible person. Leave him now. You will be sad but realise after a it,that you feel so much better without him around!!

Yes I’ve put up with far too much treatment to actually stay. I believe I have lost my mind as to why I even stay with him. Those are just SOME of the things he’s done. He won’t change you’re right Peggy. He simply can’t treat me in the way I deserve. I have taken things unnoticed out of the house and into storage. I plan on leaving and when I do, he won’t know about it. I even told him that after all this mess with the ex. He told me that if I was going to be sad all the time about these “lies”,then I should leave. I did tell him that he would know when i’ve had enough because I simply will be gone and will not tell him about it. I will be gone. He did get quiet and started to treat me differently. We’ve had so many arguments that I can’t believe I am still here or that he is still with me.

I’ve been physically abused before in my marriage. I told him that cheating and abuse are my “one and done”. I guess what I am doing is waiting on him to make a mistake. The ex had concrete proof but didn’t want to give it to me. I have to hand it to her. She could have easily given me the screenshots of the texts of proof that he cheated but she didnt want to hurt me. I do feel that even though I feel betrayed by her contacting him to apologize, that she didn’t want to hurt me in showing me the messages he gave her. I believe that I need physical proof or him hitting me ( sad I know) for me to actually leave because then I know that he did wrong and i have the proof ( on my face or in texts) to never go back to him.

I do agree with someone saying I must be his sugarmama. Though my age doesn’t matter, I am 12 years older than him and that must be why he acts in that way with me about money. He was never like this with his past relationship
Sorry I am just so broken, so hurt, so sad. I need to logically think about things. I do appreciate all the comments as I am taking them all in.

Autumn, try to love yourself, would you? I felt heartbroken reading your posts. You are a nice woman, he doesn’t deserve you. Cheating on you or not does not matter, he isn’t someone who will bring you happiness. So why not just find happiness somewhere else? Please make him the one regret life without you, not you are the one regretting life with him!

Yes this is a real post!

I know my problems are deeper than a forum can help me with. Believe me I do. I understand that there may be fake posts but my situation is very real unfortunately. I feel more comfortable with revealing my feelings and my state of mind on here than to my close friends. I have one friend who I do talk to and she’d want more than anything for me to be done with him.

My problems stem from my childhood. Not knowing my self worth. I’ve learned alot. Sometimes a person needs to write down their feelings. I’m with him day in and day out and it makes it easier ( sometimes) for me to stay than it would be to pick up the pieces and move on which I know will be inevitable. I know we won’t last. I know we won’t. I just needed to talk out my feelings without being accused of them being fake.

Where are your kids in all of this? All you seem to go on about is you.

Yeah..I believe it
I’ve witnessed a family member (druggie punk) doing this to an older successful businesswoman. My family has washed our hands of him…but not her..it’s gone on for years. She pays for rehab, repeatedly…she has a quirk where she thinks she’s in love and tries to fix him. It has been going on for years.

Autumn… This is one of those examples of a woman allowing herself to be abused. IMO, your problem is due to the fact that you’re trying to ‘fix’ him because of how somebody treated you badly in your childhood. Being treated this way is what you’re used to..
You’re being monetarily and emotionally abused. Treated like a doormat. He is still in love with his ex..or at least he thinks she is.. Look at how she treats him…just like he treats you.
You desperately need therapy. You have severe co-dependency issues.
If you won’t do it for yourself..do it for your daughters. They’re witnessing how their mother is allowing a man to abuse her.. that is abuse in itself. You’re putting your needs first, not your girls, by trying to hold on to a punk who spits in your face on a daily basis. He will never love you…get that? NEVER

I guess I should have put that my daughters are in their early twenties.

Crisula,

I do appreciate your thoughts and telling me about your family member.

I also want to point out that you mentioned that he is treating me how the ex treated him… this is something I actually noticed but didn’t want to dive deep in. Just curious… what part of my posts made you come to that assessment?

I do agree with everyone, I do feel like I need to speak with someone as I felt that my troubled past was in the past. However with this situation, obviously it’s not behind me. I don’t believe he’s still in love with his ex. I

BTW..I came that assessment by the way you are allowing yourself to be badly treated. Your self-esteem is zero. It is very common to try and ‘fix’ somebody in your present day life, who’s treating you badly…just to compensate for someone you had no control of fixing in the past..

You’ve given him a chance to change. An 11 month chance to change. HE IS NOT GOING TO!

What you see is what you get. If you’re happy with that stay (and you’re clearly not!) But if you’re unhappy, go. It really is as simple as that. You don’t need therapy to know your situation isn’t a good one. You just need to realise it isn’t going to get better. If anything, it will get worse.

If you stay, you’re accepting his behaviour. He’s right. You are trying to change him. You want him to change because you don’t even really like him. So why are you staying with someone you makes you unhappy and you don’t like?!

You told him if he cheated you’d be gone. But he did and you stayed. Not only that but you moved in with him! There’s all the respect gone out of the window. He knows he can do what he likes and you’ll accept it. Please stop accepting it.

Remember your children may not be children but they’re are still seeing this and aren’t stupid. My father got together with a mad drunken woman 20 years younger than him. It was painful and hurtful to watch, even though I was in my 30s. It made me lose a lot of respect for him and it made me distance myself from him, physically and emotionally. Is he worth causing a rift in your family?

Am I wrong for thinking that perhaps he actually considered our relationship by telling me the ex called him and told me he didn’t want to keep any secrets from us?