Depression and starting over …..

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  • #944192 Reply

    Hello everyone,

    So I will try to make this as short as I can.

    3 years ago I started dating this guy, we are both from a third world country and due to the situation of the country we were both trying to migrate before we even met.

    Turned out he had already gotten a job offer in really good company in a nice country, I was applying for grad school (both Masters and PhD , anyone that works out).

    He then convinced me to also apply for a school in the country where he got the job, I never actually considered going to that country because I wanted to go to somewhere I would have the best outcome.

    But I was too dumb and naive, so I thought it would be nice to continue our relationship,so I applied to schools in that country. I got a couple of offers from different countries for a Masters but eventually choose the country he was going to (yes stupid I know)

    Long story short, we got there and shortly after he broke up with me in the most terrible way ever.
    It broke me so much that for the rest of my studies I was a terrible student, went into depression, stopped working out, developed skin problems due to infrequent showers(this one is so embarrassing because I can’t explain how I got there, my depression was so bad that I couldn’t perform basic chores).
    Mind you I used to work at a gym and coach javeline back in my home country. So it was so bad that my passion wasn’t even enough to get me through.

    I’ve graduated now and looking for jobs/ PhD positions. But just like I had suspected, this country wasn’t the best choice for the direction I wanted to go to.
    I wish I had stuck to going to my initial choice.

    But unfortunately, I have to go back to my home country since my visa is up and no offers yet.
    It’s so sad, I let a relationship ruin my life. Now I have to go back and start over. I come from a poor country and its everyones dream to leave and make it out there. And I got a chance and blew it.
    Now I have to go back and start over, applying for grad school all over again (for a PhD), trying to apply to visas and all. I don’t even know If I can get a position. It feels really hopeless.
    At this point I don’t even know if I still have the zeal for it, I don’t even know if I want to do it anymore. I just want to return and just be there.
    It’s even crazier, I have to go live with my parents and depend on them.

    Basically I just dont know where to start again , I feel so lost. I’m just back to square 1. I’m a mess
    I guess this is not exactly dating advice, but all my current problems did start from a relationship.
    Honestly I would appreciate any advice to get through this

    #944193 Reply

    You need to reframe how you’re looking at this.

    You DID make it out of your country and you DID complete advanced education despite debilitating depression – that is something to celebrate!! This isn’t failure, this is SUCCESS. I hardly think your life is ruined, although I understand it seems like it to you.

    You cannot change the past. For all you know the relationship might have worked out. Beating yourself up and blaming him are not going to help you move forward. You are where you are. So you’re going back to your country of origin for a while. You got out once, you can do it again. That’s the mindset you need to have now. Get excited about the new possibilities for you in front of you. Stop looking backward.

    #944196 Reply

    Thank you @AngieBaby.
    I guess you are right. It’s so hard not to beat myself up and keep thinking what if?
    But you are right , I need to start looking at it differently.

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