6 Things Guys Secretly Want From You (But Will Never Tell You)

Ever feel like you’re doing everything “right” in your relationship, but something’s still missing?

I hear this all the time from women I’ve worked with over the years.

Maybe it feels like you’re putting in more effort than he is. Maybe it even feels like he’s putting in the bare minimum right now.

Or maybe you sense he’s holding back, not fully committing to you the way you want. You feel like you’re together but you don’t really “have” him… at least, not completely.

Maybe things even feel stuck, like the relationship isn’t moving towards anything and the connection isn’t getting any deeper.

Here’s the thing – I’ve noticed something after years of coaching that changes everything. Men have specific emotional needs they almost never talk about. Not because they’re trying to be difficult, but because most guys just don’t have the words to express what they really want from you.

I’ve seen this pattern play out thousands of times. And when women finally understand these hidden desires, it completely transforms their relationships.

That’s why I’m sharing these six things men secretly want but will never tell you about.

This isn’t just some psychological theory. These are real insights that give you actual power in your relationship – the kind that can turn a guy who’s on the fence into someone who’s absolutely crazy about you.

When you get this, you’ll see why so many other approaches fall flat. You’ll finally have the key to his heart, and you’ll know exactly how to become the woman he can’t imagine living without.

I’ve seen these exact insights work for thousands of women just like you.

I’ve watched women use these six secrets to turn situationships (relationships that seemed like they were going nowhere) into devoted partnerships where the guy suddenly bends over backwards to please her, puts in real effort, and does everything he can to keep her happy.

I’ve seen these make an ex-boyfriend (or ex-husband) come back, saying the breakup was a mistake, practically begging for another chance.

I’ve seen women who were just “hookups” and “friends with benefits” become his real, exclusive girlfriend.

I’ve even seen it make a man choose a woman as his one and only love in situations where:

• He was seeing multiple women, not just her
• He claimed he wasn’t looking for a relationship and was skeptical of having one
• He was already involved with another woman (who didn’t understand these secrets)

And I’ve especially seen it turn girlfriends into wives (and eventually, in many cases, those wives into mothers).

I’ve even seen women add these six secrets to their long distance relationships and it made all the difference. Not long after, they were living together and finally together in person, for real.

In every case, it came down to these women understanding and applying exactly what I share here in this article.

I’m saying this because I want to make it crystal clear that what I’m sharing gives you real power in your relationships—the kind of power that most relationship advice completely misses.

Most advice out there focuses on fixing problems after they happen. They’re just band-aids. Nobody is giving you a clear roadmap to what actually works—what gives you the power to have the man you want completely devoted to you.

When you understand these six secrets, you’ll unlock real power in your love life and relationship, so things can get much better for you in all the ways you really want.

Before You Can Use These Secrets

What I’m sharing here is powerful, but there are a few situations where it won’t help you yet. Let me quickly address those right here, so you know what they are.

It’s like having a boat with holes in it and wanting to go faster. You can get the most powerful engine in the world, but if you don’t fix those holes first, not only will you not go faster—you’ll sink. You need to fix the foundation issues before anything else can work.

I’m not saying this material won’t help you—I’m saying you need to solve these fundamental issues first, and then all of this material will be a game-changer for you with those blocks removed:

If you like him but don’t have anything with him yet: For that, you should read “Exactly How to Know If a Guy Likes You FOR SURE” (particularly the sections that come after the signs he likes you).

If you’re in the friend zone with him: For this advice to work, you must be in a romantic dynamic with him. Read “How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone With A Guy (And Have Him Chasing You)” first.

If you have a romantic dynamic with him, but you feel like you’re chasing him: As in, you feel like he’s always just out of reach. You feel like you never quite have him, and you feel powerless in the dynamic. If that’s your situation, read this first (then come back): “How to Stop Chasing Him (and Finally Get the Relationship You Want).”

Now, let’s get into the six things men secretly want but will never tell you about—and how understanding them gives you unprecedented power in your relationship…

1. You Appreciate Him

I’m sometimes amazed when I see social media posts talking about how easy men have it. The reality couldn’t be further from the truth.

Men don’t have it easy. Women don’t have it easy either. The struggles are different, but it’s tough for everyone. The best relationships recognize this and take each other’s side against life’s challenges rather than seeing each other as the challenge.

Here’s something you might not realize: most men move through life feeling almost completely invisible. They get up, handle their responsibilities, solve problems, fix things that break, protect what needs protecting—and most of this goes completely unnoticed.

For the most part, most men go through their lives feeling profoundly unseen and unappreciated – for their efforts, for their contributions and for their consideration.

You could even say nearly all men are starving for appreciation and acknowledgment of their efforts. A little appreciation goes a long way with men, especially in relationships. And I don’t think there’s ever such thing as too much appreciation in a relationship – it’s a very good energy to bring.

A 2025 University of Illinois study followed 316 couples for 15 months and found that partners who felt appreciated had 42% higher relationship satisfaction during financial stress. Lead researcher Dr. Allen Barton explained: “Gratitude isn’t just politeness – it’s emotional armor against life’s pressures. When men feel recognized, they’re more motivated to keep investing in the relationship.”

In plain terms? A simple “thanks for taking out the trash” tells him he’s nailing the partner role.

Now, I know what you might be thinking: “But what about ME? I don’t feel appreciated either!” That’s completely valid.

The insight here isn’t that you should appreciate him while getting nothing in return. It’s that understanding this profound need in him gives you a powerful way to influence the relationship dynamic.

When you genuinely appreciate him, it sparks something in him that makes him want to make you happy in return.

When was the last time you genuinely thanked your man for what he does? I don’t mean just a quick “thanks” as he hands you something. I mean a genuine recognition that shows you actually see his effort and value what he brings to your life.

Try something as simple as:

“I noticed you took care of that thing without me having to ask. I really appreciate that about you.”

Watch his reaction when you say something like this. You’ll see a shift in his eyes—a recognition that you actually see him. For a man who moves through most of his life feeling unseen (and that’s 99.9% of all men, believe it or not), this is incredibly powerful.

It’s not about feeding his ego. It’s about recognizing his reality and the value he brings to your life. And when a man feels truly appreciated by you, he’ll naturally want to do more of whatever earned that appreciation.

Appreciation isn’t just something nice you do for him—it actually awakens his natural desire to contribute more to your happiness.

When you recognize and value what he brings, you create a positive cycle where he wants to bring even more.

MORE: 5 Things Every Woman Needs to Know About Men

2. You Desire Him

It’s been said that men have an insatiable appetite for sex, and there’s truth to that. But what most women miss is that men crave something much deeper than just the physical act.

This understanding goes beyond just sex. He wants to feel desired and wanted on a primal level. Like appreciation, this is another emotion men are absolutely starving to feel.

Porn can’t give him this feeling, the feeling of being desired and wanted. Porn can cater to desires, but it can’t make him feel desired. If anything, porn makes him feel the opposite.

Also, knowing you desire him is in itself a turn-on. It’s an aphrodisiac that makes you more attractive and desirable to him.

2023 research tracking 237 young adults found that sexual satisfaction was the #1 predictor of relationship happiness for men – 68% higher impact than financial stability.

Neuroscientist Dr. Joanna Kłosowska notes: “Male desire thrives on reciprocal enthusiasm. When women initiate physical intimacy, it signals he’s still your first choice, not a chore to check off.” Translation: Your “let’s skip the movie” text matters more than any lingerie.

If he’s going to be exclusive with you, then you’re his only source of desire. It’s wise to show up for that, lest some other woman exploit this.

Look, creating this dynamic doesn’t drain your experience of being desired—it amplifies it. When you show desire for a man, it triggers his instinct to pursue and desire you more intensely in return.

Truth is, most men go through life never feeling truly desired. They might be needed for what they can provide—protection, resources, fixes, solutions—but being wanted simply for who they are? That’s rare territory.

This creates a hunger in men that most women never recognize. And when a man feels genuinely desired by you, it becomes a powerful force that makes you more attractive to him too.

It creates a positive cycle where attraction amplifies in both directions.

How do you show desire? It doesn’t have to be complicated:

• Touch his arm or back casually when you’re talking to him
• Give him that look across the room that says you want him
• Tell him directly that you find him sexy when he’s just doing something ordinary
• Initiate sex sometimes instead of always waiting for him

These simple actions speak volumes to a man and satisfy a craving most men don’t even know how to express.

Most women try to get more desire from their man by either asking for it directly or hoping he’ll just figure it out.

But the counterintuitive reality is that showing your desire for him is the fastest path to feeling more desired yourself.

When you remember to seduce him, you feed the passion in the relationship overall for both of you.

MORE: How to Turn a Man On

3. You Make It Easy to Make You Happy

Men want to make you happy. They really do. But they get frustrated when they feel like they can’t win.

Men are hardwired to derive satisfaction from making their woman happy. It’s built into their psychological makeup. The problem is that most men have no idea how to reliably make that happen.

The reasoning is simple: men aren’t mind readers, and men do well with mechanical explanations – press this button, get this result.

Think about it from his perspective. He wants to see you smile, to know that he’s winning with you. But most of the time, he feels like he’s shooting in the dark, never quite sure what will hit the mark.

This creates a frustrating dynamic for both of you. He tries something, it doesn’t work, he gets discouraged, and eventually he might stop trying as hard. Meanwhile, you wonder why he doesn’t make more effort.

The solution is surprisingly simple: tell him exactly what makes you happy and the positive feeling it gives you.

“When you call me on your drive home, it makes my whole day better because I feel connected to you.”

You’ve just given him a clear action (call on the drive home) and the emotional payoff (feeling connected). To a man’s problem-solving mind, this is perfect information. He now has a direct path to success with you.

Most women avoid being this direct because they think, “If I have to tell him, it doesn’t count.” But that’s projecting your communication style onto him. Men don’t think that way. They appreciate the clarity and directness.

A massive 2020 meta-analysis of 38,499 couples revealed that partners using direct requests (“Let’s try Thai food tonight”) had 31% fewer conflicts than those dropping hints. Dr. Alicia Walker breaks it down: “Men aren’t bad at hints – they’re terrified of misunderstanding. Clarity = confidence to deliver what you need”.

Want to supercharge this approach? Connect his action to how it affects your desire for him:

“When you plan our date nights, it’s actually a turn-on for me because I love seeing that take-charge side of you.”

You’ve now linked his action directly to your desire—something we already know he deeply craves. This creates a powerful cycle that benefits you both.

When you make it easy for him to make you happy, he’ll do it more often, creating more happiness in your relationship overall.

I get that this might sound like you’re doing all the work. “Why should I have to explain everything to him? Why can’t he figure it out like I do for him?”

The reality is that this isn’t about lowering your standards or doing more work than him. It’s about understanding that men and women often have fundamentally different communication styles.

When you bridge that gap, you’re not catering to him—you’re creating a direct path to getting exactly what you want.

You’re not lowering your standards by being clear about what makes you happy—you’re actually raising the likelihood of getting exactly what you want. Less frustration, more satisfaction, and a man who feels successful with you rather than constantly confused.

4. You Understand Him & Bring Out His Best

Have you ever noticed how a man’s entire energy shifts when he talks about certain things? How his voice gets more animated, his eyes light up, and he suddenly has endless energy for the topic?

That’s a window into what matters most to him – what I call knowing his heart and his “mission.”

When you understand what drives a man – what he cares about most deeply – it creates a connection that goes beyond the surface. You’re seeing the real him, not just the version he shows to everyone else.

Most people in his life only interact with his public persona. They never get to know what matters most to him, what he dreams about, what he fears losing, or what victories would mean the most to him.

When you take the time to understand these things about him, he feels known in a way that’s rare and incredibly valuable to him.

You might wonder, “Does he make this same effort to understand ME this deeply?” Maybe not yet.

But here’s what’s fascinating: when you understand a man this way, you develop an almost uncanny ability to make sense of his behavior. Things that confused or frustrated you before suddenly make perfect sense.

And when you can see his deeper motivations clearly, you gain insights that allow you to connect with him in ways that transform how he responds to you.

But understanding is just the beginning. The real magic happens when you can see the man he’s striving to become – what I call “the winner inside him” – and you speak to that winner inside him.

Let me explain what this means…

Every man has a vision of his best self – the man he wants to be when he’s at his absolute best. This isn’t about ego. It’s about his deepest values and his sense of purpose. When life gets hard and he faces setbacks, that connection to his best self can get fuzzy or lost entirely.

That’s where you come in. When you can see that winner inside him, even when he can’t see it himself, you become irreplaceable.

“I know this project at work has been frustrating, but the way you think about solving problems is something I’ve always admired about you. You see angles other people miss.”

You’re not flattering him – you’re reminding him of who he really is when he’s forgotten. You’re connecting him back to his best self.

This is completely different from trying to change him or improve him. You’re not trying to make him into something he’s not. You’re helping him become more of who he already is at his core.

The Michelangelo Phenomenon, validated by 20+ studies, shows that couples who actively nurture each other’s growth (“You’d kill that promotion!”) have 53% higher long-term satisfaction. Psychology professor Dr. Eli Finkel puts it bluntly: “Men don’t want cheerleaders – they want partners who see their best self and help chisel away the doubts”.

When a man finds a woman who can do this – who can see and speak to the best in him, especially when he’s lost sight of it himself – he’ll move mountains to keep her in his life.

This isn’t just about making him feel good. Understanding his mission gives you a roadmap to his heart that most women never discover. It’s like having the key to a lock that others keep trying to force open.

Once you understand what truly drives him, your influence in the relationship multiplies exponentially.

5. You’re Always on His Side

In general, you focus on positives in the relationship. You appreciate him, you understand him and you’re in his corner wanting to see him succeed.

But in disagreements or upsets, still view yourself as on his side, never enemies or opponents.

Never passive-aggressive, resentful, retaliating.

Think about how it feels when you know someone has your back completely – not just when things are good, but especially when things get hard. That feeling of having an unshakeable ally creates a level of trust that nothing else can match.

This is what it means to be on his side. It’s a mindset that changes how you approach your entire relationship, especially during conflicts.

I know what you might be thinking: “But he’s not always on MY side! Why should I be the one to take the high road all the time?” This isn’t about letting him off the hook or having a different standard for him than for you.

It’s about breaking the cycle of fighting against each other that kills so many relationships. Someone has to go first in creating a positive dynamic—and since you’re the one reading this article, you have the awareness to be that person.

Most relationships deteriorate because, somewhere along the way, partners start seeing each other as opponents. Small disagreements turn into power struggles. Frustrations build into resentments.

And before you know it, you’re keeping score and seeing each other as the enemy.

The women who build the strongest relationships maintain one core belief through everything: “We’re on the same team.”

2024 research analyzing 50,000+ relationship reports proved that men’s satisfaction depends equally on both partners’ happiness. Study author Dr. Ronald Rogge clarifies: “Male commitment skyrockets when they feel like part of an unbeatable team. Your resilience during his low points matters more than any advice”.

What does this look like? It means that even during disagreements, you approach the situation as partners facing a problem together rather than adversaries facing off against each other.

Instead of: “You never help around the house! I shouldn’t have to ask you to do every little thing!”

Try: “I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately. Could we figure out a better system for handling household stuff?”

The first approach positions him as the problem. The second positions the situation as the problem and invites him to solve it with you.

Being on his side also means you don’t take his moments of frustration or withdrawal personally.

You recognize that his bad mood or temporary distance likely has nothing to do with you, and you don’t make his struggles about your relationship.

When a man knows you’re fundamentally in his corner – that you’ll never belittle him, never be passive-aggressive, never retaliate – he can stay open with you. And that kind of trust builds a relationship that can weather any storm.

Being on his side doesn’t mean you’re submitting or letting him walk all over you. It means you’re stepping out of the fighting-against-each-other pattern that ruins relationships.

When you create this kind of safety, he’ll naturally begin to lower his defenses and become more receptive to being on your side too.

6. You Give Him Emotional Freedom

It’s said men want freedom. Pop culture portrays it like men want to be forever single, but that’s not the kind of freedom men want.

Men don’t fear being in a relationship. They fear being in a BAD relationship.

Men need “emotional freedom,” which means that they can have their emotional process in the relationship.

This comes down to understanding that when a man is experiencing emotional stress, frustrations or setbacks, it hits him especially hard emotionally.

He needs to take space to process and reset.

A groundbreaking 2025 Behavioral & Brain Sciences study found that men in low-pressure relationships reported 37% more emotional openness over time. Clinical psychologist Dr. David Bennett explains: “Male vulnerability isn’t about talking more – it’s about knowing they won’t be judged for needing breathing room between heart-to-hearts”.

You might be wondering, “What about MY emotional freedom? Why am I expected to accommodate his need for space when he doesn’t always accommodate my need for connection?”

The key insight here isn’t that his needs matter more than yours. It’s that understanding how he processes emotions differently than you do can prevent countless misunderstandings and conflicts.

When you respect his emotional process instead of fighting it, you actually create more emotional freedom for yourself too.

When a man faces stress, frustration, or setbacks, his emotional experience is fundamentally different from yours. For men, negative emotions create an urgent need to withdraw temporarily, to process and reset before re-engaging.

I call this going into his “cave.” It’s not about avoiding you or the relationship. It’s about him needing to get back on solid ground so he can return to you as his best self.

The problem: When he pulls away to process, many women take it personally. They chase after him, asking what’s wrong, trying to fix it, or – worse – they get upset that he’s distant.

This creates exactly what he was trying to avoid. Instead of giving him the space to process and return, chasing after him when he needs space only pushes him further away.

The solution is simple but powerful: When you notice him withdrawing, just say:

“Seems like you need some space. I’m here when you’re ready.”

And then actually give him that space – without coldness or making him feel guilty for needing it.

This shows him that you understand something about him that most people don’t. You respect his emotional process rather than trying to force him to process emotions your way.

When you consistently give him this kind of emotional freedom, something interesting happens. He starts to come back from his “cave” more quickly.

He feels safe being open with you because he knows you won’t trap him in emotional drama. And he becomes more available overall because he’s not constantly on guard against emotional suffocation.

Giving him space when he needs it actually creates more connection in your relationship, not less. Most women try to force closeness when they feel distance, which only creates more distance.

When you understand this paradox, you’ll stop taking his need for space personally and start seeing it as a natural part of his emotional cycle that brings him back to you stronger than before.

The Big Idea Here

Take a step back and think about your approach to relationships.

Have you been trying to get a man to respond to things that would work on you? Or have you been working with how he’s actually wired?

Most relationship struggles come down to this basic mismatch – trying to connect with him in ways that would make sense to you instead of ways that actually make sense to him.

Now, I know some of you might be thinking, “Why am I the one who has to adjust? Why can’t he meet me halfway?”

That’s a fair question. But here’s why I’m focusing on what you can do: because you’re the one reading this article, and you’re the one who wants change.

You have direct control over your own actions and approach, not his.

When you understand how men are wired emotionally and work with that reality instead of against it, you create the space for him to step up and meet you.

It’s not about doing all the work – it’s about being strategic about where you put your energy.

Men respond to how you make them feel, not what you do for them.

A man can get his basic needs met almost anywhere. But what he can’t get anywhere else is the emotional experience you create for him when you:

• Truly see and appreciate him
• Genuinely desire him
• Make it clear and simple for him to make you happy
• Understand his mission and connect him to his best self
• Remain 100% on his side, especially during conflicts
• Give him the emotional freedom to be himself

When you become the woman who gives him these six things, you don’t have to worry about keeping him interested or committed. He’ll move mountains to keep you in his life because the feeling he gets with you is something he can’t find anywhere else.

And here’s the best part – none of this requires you to be anything other than authentic. It just means seeing him for who he really is and connecting with him in ways that speak to how he’s emotionally wired.

Understanding these six secrets will transform your relationship in ways you never thought possible. You’ll finally have the power to create the deep connection you’ve always wanted – and he’ll never want to let you go.

Putting It Into Practice So You Transform Your Love Life

In this article, I shared what all men want but will never just come right out and ask you for.

Almost 99% of all women have never considered most of these things and the impact they have on men, so just knowing about them puts you far ahead of nearly all women.

But what happens during those big make-or-break moments in your relationship?

In any relationship, there’s a point where a man will start to pull away emotionally. Maybe he says he needs space, or maybe you can just sense his enthusiasm and interest seem to be fading. What you do next determines if the relationship will end in heartbreak or save it (and make it stronger than ever before).

Do you know what to do in this case? If not, read this right now: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...

Also, there’s another major thing to consider:

This article talks about what men want and how giving him these things gives you tremendous power in your love life.

But there’s a bigger question to answer… Do you know what it is that makes a man choose you with all of his heart?

I’m talking about what makes a man see you as girlfriend material (or even wife material) – that quality that makes him see you as the special woman in his life, his one and only, the woman he needs to keep by his side.

Do you know exactly what it is that makes a man see you this way? If not, definitely read this next: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman

Hope it helps,
eric charles

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Does he talk about the future? (Question 1 of 15)

Jokingly, but not in a serious way we're normally flirty Yes, we both do, but less lately. Yes, we have a future planned No, he makes it clear we're going with the flow and aren't committed Continue