My boyfriend and I had a good relationship, but mutually agreed that a long distance relationship was not for us. Just before he moved to another state, I told him that it would be easier for me emotionally if I cut off contact with him completely. He said he didn’t want to but ultimately he agreed to it…
It’s been three weeks and I miss him. I want to reconnect with him, but I don’t know how to re-establish contact with him after telling him that I wanted to cut off all contact. Any advice?
Relax… guys get it.
We understand that if a girl says, “I need to do something for it to be emotionally easier for me…” we can grasp that.
Now granted, he might have some upset feelings when you try to contact him. You’ll have to talk through it if he does.
But I’m sure he’d love to hear from you. Don’t stress about it, go ahead and reconnect with him… just don’t try to jump into a LDR (Long Distance Relationship) with him.
Personally, I don’t think anyone should jump into an LDR… ever. But there’s a ton of people on the boards that are having problems and they’re in LDRs (makes you wonder if there’s a connection…), so I try to help where I can.
Anyway, if your mind has you considering having a LDR with him now, just take things one step at a time. Don’t think that you’re going to reconnect with him and immediately jump into a LDR with him… if anything, he’s probably just fully accepted that you are broken up and you don’t want to call him up and shake him up.
Just reconnect and keep it simple. Clear the air. He’ll be happy to hear from you.
Just keep it light and casual, shoot him a text or e-mail just asking how he’s been and what’s new. Don’t bring up anything heavy, keep it friendly and see how he responds. If he acts weird and distant, he might not be ready to have you back in his life. Don’t force anything along, just put a feeler out there and see how it goes.
I would caution you to get clear on what you want before you jump into anything. Are you secretly hoping that he’ll want to do the long distance thing? Do you want to determine if he still has feelings for you? Do you genuinely want to keep him in your life, even if it’s in a totally platonic capacity?
Also, make sure having him in your life isn’t going to prevent you from moving on and meeting a new, local guy. If you think having him in your life will make you have feelings for him again and will blind you from seeing what else is out there, it might not be a good idea. Don’t expect that things are going to magically change and you will somehow be able to make it work. You need to accept the situation for what it is and assume things aren’t going to change.
If you can handle having him in your life as a friend and don’t think this will cause you pain or prevent you from moving forward, then there’s no harm. Just make sure you don’t have an ulterior motive.