Attention all girls/ladies/women/anyone with girly parts that’s ever been taken out by a guy with….guy parts: repeat after me – “Thank you.”
These two words, if not used on a date or shortly after, can and even should be a deal breaker for the guy who is taking you out. It has been known since times of the ancient Egyptians (all historical references will be fictional) that a man’s job is to pay. We get that. Thousands of years of tradition, lectures from mom and dad, unsolicited dating advice from friends have been heard. All of us normal members of the male species have read and checked the box for the terms of agreement. Now it is your turn.
I took a girl out last week. Reserved a town car, went uptown for sushi, went shopping at Bloomingdales (cue the dressing room montage) and ended it with a romantic, snow framed viewing of NYC at Top of the Rock before driving her to the airport.
Honestly, when someone holds the elevator doors for you, you say the words. When your co-worker offers to do work he was responsible for anyways, you say thank you. When a cop issues you a speeding ticket the last words to come out of your mouth are not “Screw you!” They’re “Thank you kindly officer and you have a wonderful day and I wish your kids all the best and stay warm out here because brrrrr!”
But last week she said one cumulative, “Thanks.” Thanks?! Thanks. $300 later, 45 miles of driving, and shopping and I got a thanks at the Delta terminal.
I am sorry to use the “hotness scale” in my explanation of events but it seems it is the best way to get my point across. Before the date’s events, the aforementioned female was a solid 8. An 8.5 in that first night’s dress. After the revelation of her ungrateful nature she legitimately dropped to a 5. Making your man feel appreciated is so vital that it will for sure bring down everything else about you, and overshadow your great qualities, if you can’t express a little gratitude and recognition for his efforts.
The opposite is true as well. If you are a bit more curvaceous than your friends, or don’t have the facial symmetry of Bar Refaeli, there is little need to worry about finding a great looking, well mannered, mensch. A bright, positive outlook on life, a sense of humor, and showing your date how thoughtful it was when he grabbed an extra mint for you on the way out of the Italian joint will bring that infamous number higher than you know.
A recent survey found that 87% of men want a “Thank you” text after a date. I love this survey. The question then becomes when do I send the text and what should it say?
Listen to me and listen good because I am about to rock your socks off! Send the text immediately after the date. I am talking within minutes! He shouldn’t even have time to check the Knicks score of the game he missed while he was busy trying to be witty with you for the past two hours. It should say something to the tune of: “I had a really nice time tonight.” Period. Stop. All done. Cue guy smiling on his subway back home.
The contract is this. We will pay. We will be gentlemen. Most of us will compliment your outfit, or your hair, or your shoes because we know you spent exponentially more time picking them out then we did whatever we have on. You just have to show gratitude.
Lastly, while we’re on it. For the brave souls out there who really want to take it to the next level, how about a fake reach for the wallet/purse when the timing feels right? We all know that any decent dude is not going to allow it so all the more so a reason for the gesture. You look like a generous, one-of-a-kind, diamond in the rough type of girl that doesn’t have a sense of entitlement and we get to look like heroes waving away your act of kindness as we hand the waiter the $6.95 for two lattes. Everyone leaves happy.
The beginning stages of dating are there to show your best self. It is not a fake self. It is your best self.
I want to add one last piece about the concept of permanently acquiring the attribute of gratefulness. First of all, how do you add a quality that doesn’t exist? Practice. Do this every day and I promise you at least 50% happier days (All percentage references will be fictional): When you wake up the first thing you should do is use all five senses to appreciate the gift of a brand new day. Use whatever works for you: smell the first danishes coming fresh out of the oven from the bakery across the street; listen to the 6am sounds of the city stretching it’s legs; when you step outside, see the sprinkling rain that will bud beautiful, spring flowers; feel the warm coat you’re lucky to own during this harsh winter; taste your first sip of coffee on the way to the train giving you the energy to crush all of your goals at work.
When we say thank you for the everyday monotonies of life, then, when a potential boyfriend holds the door for you, you will be naturally astounded and have no choice but to shower him with the affection that he so desires and needs.
I came home that night, from the date, and told my friends about this attractive, fun, outgoing, spontaneous, conversational girl I just spent the past six hours with…and when I told them she did not show the trait of appreciation…it was a resounding no.
Keep your chin up. If you say those two words (hint: thank you), the likelihood of us saying those three words (hint: I love you) someday are much, much greater.
How do you express gratitude on or after a date? Tell us in comments!