When I write an Ask a Guy, Sabrina and I will usually discuss the content before it goes live.

Recently the subject of guys and breakups came up and Sabrina and I went back and forth about what guys generally go through when they breakup. It came down to be too much to put into the article I was writing, so we decided that I should throw it all into an installment of “Decoding Male Behavior.”

To start, I wanted to write this article to dispel some of the misconceptions I’ve heard in regards to men and breakups.

I’ve heard things like: “When a guy’s relationship ends, he replaces her. When a woman’s relationship ends, she mourns,” or, “He’s just hooking up with so-and-so to spite the ex-girlfriend,” or “Guys just don’t care” and other nonsense.

To dispel the misconceptions, let’s take a look at some of the universal truths about guys and breakups – some of which may surprise you since they certainly are hidden from the surface.

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I know I am a woman of high value, worth and integrity. However, I tend to attract emotionally unavailable men and struggling what to do about this issue.

I have been told I am an alpha female and have toned down a bit since re-entering the dating scene. I think men are now attracted to me due to my recent career success, yet I think the right men are intimidated by me. Any insight?

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My boyfriend and I love each other, but he and I have been having more and more fights.

How do I break the cycle?

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I had a boyfriend for just over a year, we split up about three months ago because of all the arguing and stress. He is quite ignorant and I’m used to having arguments with him and not speaking for days. As per usual I’d be the one to text first and cave in.

Lately we have been meeting up and occasionally sleeping together, it’s really good and we classed ourselves as seeing each other. But now I find myself feeling ignored, I’d normally expect a text a day or so but I’ve received nothing.

I always text him first so today I didn’t bother, and he didn’t bother texting me? Am I overreacting or does he just want the chase or a relationship?

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There’s this guy I really like and at first things were great. We texted constantly for about five days but then he suddenly stopped. I left him alone because I didn’t want to come across as annoying or something.

After that it seemed like I always had to initiate the conversations to get a response. It really seemed like he cared so why would he go from talking to me all the time to not talking at all?

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I have made it very obvious to my significant other how much I love it when he texts or does “little things” for me.  even though he rarely does it, I’ve let him know that just a simple email or text can make my day.

He says that all he wants to do is make me happy, so I don’t understand why he doesn’t even make the effort to do the things he knows I like! When I know he likes something, I do it. I want to tell him this bothers me, but I don’t want him to do it just because I “asked him to,” basically ruining it.

Plus, I feel like he should WANT to do things that make me happy anyway. What gives?

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I met this guy about a month ago at my work place and we both liked each other so we exchanged numbers.

Later the same day he came to my house and just talked and hung out. Both of us have partners in our lives, but we would still talk or hang out almost daily.

At one point I went over to his place to sleep over and we ended up having sex. Everything thereafter still went on as normal and he would occasionally come over and we’d sleep together.

All of a sudden, he’s been barely calling at all and I hardly see him. Should I ask what’s going on or would that just chase him away? Will he ever commit to me or start a relationship with me knowing that I already have a man in my life?
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My best guy friend and I were hanging out drinking and ended up having sex. We’ve had sex in the past and have fooled around.

The whole week he had been joking about us getting married if we were both single in 10 years. He says he wants to be friends but it always leads to sex and that night and I ended up sleeping over.

He didn’t contact me the next day and then today he sent me a text telling me he needs space and will contact me when he is ready. So my question is:  What did I do wrong and how do I react?

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I’ve been dating someone for a couple months now and, like a lot of people, he is experiencing financial difficulties.  He just recently began sharing these financial problems with me and I know it’s the reason why he’s been asking me out less than when we first started dating.

I’m not a very experienced dater so I’m unsure as to how to deal with this situation.  I like this man very much, I enjoy his company and he is incredibly kind.  I am fine having dates that are economical and have let him know this. However, I believe him to have a strong ‘male gene’ when it comes to who the provider should be.

How do I deal with this without making him feel as though I think less of him?

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When my ex-boyfriend and I broke up after being together for almost a year, he said he was too young to be tied down to just one girl and he had too many things on his plate (his school, his band, etc). He said I was his best friend and he would hate to lose me completely.

However, when I make comments on Facebook or Twitter about me spending time with other guys, he gets really angry and says I’m rubbing it in his face, trying to make him jealous.

At first I thought he just didn’t want me to move on from him, but then he called me and told me he missed being in a relationship with me and that he missed me since I hadn’t talked to him for three days).

We’re broken up still and I’m trying to move on but I can’t unless I know for sure. It’s over, but is it really over?

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I’ve been involved with this guy for about 3 and a half months now. We aren’t official but we have sex and we have had a very deep emotional connection pretty much from the start.

I previously had a thing with his best friend many months before I met my current guy. His best friend has a girlfriend now and I have no lingering feelings for him but what happened happened.

The guy I’m with won’t tell any of his friends that we are involved and he won’t tell his best friend either. He’ll even lie if his friends ask him about us when we are together. Is this a thing of him being ashamed, embarrassed, or up to no good?

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I’m in the early stages of dating a new guy, and although I’m not seeing stars, I’d like to see where it goes. He’s been very sweet so far; he calls me “hun” and “sweetie,” and he keeps in touch and follows through on his word (unlike other guys I’ve known).

I have had a casual relationship with someone else for several months that has never been broken off. I guess I want to keep my options open, and in case this new relationship doesn’t work out, I still want to maintain the casual relationship. If this new relationship does develop into something more, would it later be looked upon as a betrayal if I continued to see the casual relationship guy at this early stage?

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I want a committed booty call, instead of a committed relationship.

I truly think he’s an awesome guy, but I started the friendship off on the wrong foot by sleeping with him…and his roommate (before him).

I don’t want any kind of serious relationship right now, but I do want “casual sex” with ONE partner. Is it possible that he would be okay with me having sex with him, but not want the clingy relationship stuff?

Am I being a total skank by asking “hey wanna have sex, but you NOT call me and NOT buy me flowers?” I feel like men have booty calls, but women don’t…why can’t I have one? Is it really so wrong? (especially if I am tested clear of STDs and use protection)

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Eric Charles here, author of the dating tips and relationship advice column, Ask a Guy, for A New Mode.

When I started writing Ask a Guy, I had no idea that it would take off like it has. I am grateful to have such loyal readers who contribute great questions to me.

But I have a confession to make: I don’t answer every question that comes into my inbox. I would love to be able to – I just don’t have the time.

I feel bad when I don’t respond. But on a positive note, I can offer the next best thing: A consolidated post all about answers to the most frequently asked dating tips and relationship problem advice questions that I see. We also just released a book based on the most frequently asked questions we receive: “He’s Not That Complicated: How to Crack a Man’s Romantic Code to Get the Relationship You Want.”

You would be amazed (or maybe you wouldn’t be) at how often I am asked if a guy likes them or not. Or what it means when he didn’t text back right away. Or why a guy was interested one minute, then lost interest seemingly for no reason.

So to help out everyone who I am not able to answer directly or immediately, I’ve written up a list of the most frequently asked questions and quick and simple answers (as well as links to full posts I’ve written on the subject.)

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I’ve been separated over a year from my soon-to-be-ex-husband (only paperwork remains to make it official). I have been dating a man for 4 and 1/2 months, but he is slow to commit, saying that it is due to my impending divorce.

I do eventually want to get re-married and have children and I want to date people who are interested in those same things. How do I ask him if those are things he will someday want without scaring him into thinking I want those things with him now?

I want to know if marriage and children are on his radar (not necessarily with me) and he isn’t a perpetual bachelor or commitment-phobe.

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I met a guy 4 months ago when I was on holiday.  We connected instantly and ended the night with a kiss.  He mentioned that he was seeing someone but she was in another country for 6 months for work.

Soon enough, we were texting each other every day and it was only a matter of time before emotions grew, we met up and spent some amazing (and intimate) time together.  I think we both knew it was heading somewhere special.  On the last night, he received a phone call from his gf saying she was pregnant and coming home.  Disaster and heartbreak….

He said that he cares for her and therefore must give it a go and do the right thing.  I agreed and walked away, admittedly very sad.

I thought it was over but he won’t stop contacting me! Sometimes 5 texts a day, mostly about what he is doing, eating, thinking etc. – so nothing emotional.  I don’t understand.  I gave him an easy  out and the option to leave and have a life with his girlfriend and baby.

Why is he staying in contact?  Is it his man way of saying he misses me?  What should I do as I really care about this man…. Horrible timing I know.

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I have been talking to this guy for about a month (I’m almost 21 and he’s almost 29). I can usually tell when a guy really likes me because he’ll basically suffocate me, but this guy is the extreme opposite. He “says” he wants a relationship with me, but thinks he is wasting his time because “it’s not mutual.” I just cant tell if he is sincere.

I admit I have been playing mind games (waiting a long time between texting him back, waiting for him to contact me first, not talking much about my feelings because I don’t want to come off too easy, etc.)

I want to be a challenge, but I also want to show him I’m interested. How can I tell if what this guy tells me is legit or if he is just wasting my time?

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I met a guy online.  After a few e-mails, we texted with each other.  His first text message was sexual and, being a flirty person, I responded back with some flirtatious banter.  By the time we met up there was no conversation, it was virtually straight to sex.

We continued meeting up and for the first 5 times I took it as just sex.  Not just sex, but really aggressive, dirty sex and sexual role-playing.  A turning point came where he started showing another side of himself.  A sweet, caring side.  He even cooked me dinner.

I can tell he lusts for me, but given the way this started out I don’t know that there’s a chance any relationship could come out of this.  I’m not a clingy/needy type of girl and I give him space, but if there were any possibility of this becoming something more I’d like to pursue it.

What are your thoughts on a relationship happening after sex on the first date?  Is sex on the first date a relationship killer?

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I fell in love with a male co-worker.  We’ve known each other for over a year, we have deep conversations from time to time and we even kissed once last year.

He’s held back from seeing me in private. He says it’s because we’d end up having sex and he doesn’t want us getting into a “superficial sexual relationship” since he knows we’ll be working together for the next three years. and he doesn’t want to “invest” into a relationship with me.

I really like this guy and I’m contemplating if a sex-only relationship would be doable with someone I see everyday at work. Its confusing, since the way we talk definitely goes further than superficial contact and I’ve grown to really care for him.

What should I do?

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A little while ago I met a guy and we instantly hit it off.  Total chemistry… and I’m not the type to get excited about a potential relationship often, so this was big for me.

We went out for a while and there were ups and downs, but overall I felt like things were going well  when all of a sudden I received the dreaded “text message break-up“.

Now I’m killing myself reviewing every last detail of the time we spent together and what I did wrong. I saw him this weekend and he averted eye contact and acted like he didn’t even know me!

As I write about all this he seems like an impatient, selfish, vain, immature, stubborn person.  But I miss him and I just can’t stand how easy it seems for him to just have broken things off with me.

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There is a man I work with who’s behavior I can’t figure out. I didn’t realize it at first, but on several occasions he’s been staring at me when I’m out around the workplace.  When I’m in his vicinity in the cafeteria, I notice he dominates the conversation at his table. And  there have been a few occasions where he teased me a little bit.

What is the meaning of his behavior? Is he into me?

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Two months ago, I was dating a guy for like a month and he was after me like crazy. At the time, I thought he and I wouldn’t work out, so I rejected him.

We had some turmoil in between and I thought I wouldn’t hear from him again.  Then he initiated contact saying that he’s happy we are still friends and we kind of talked on and off for another week or so.

He invited me to an event he was throwing and after that we started talking almost everyday.  Here’s the tricky part:  Now he doesn’t call me as much and when we text he sometimes leaves me hanging mid-conversation.

I have started to really like him and I feel like I screwed things up by rejecting him at the start.  How can I get him to start chasing me again?

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My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. We’ve been through our ups and downs, but neither of us has cheated on the other. We love each other a lot, but due to previous events that have occurred in our relationship (such as lies, breaks,  etc), we are both questioning our “loyalty” to each other.

I am currently in a situation (family emergency) that requires me to travel far away for 2 months. I am worried he will cheat on me (it’s summer right now and girls are constantly in bikinis!), though he says he won’t.  And he’s worried I’ll cheat on him, but I know I wont!

From a guy’s perspective, what do you think?

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I’ve been with my boyfriend for the past two and half years and we’ve been living together for the past year and a half. His mom passed away pretty unexpectedly 5 months ago. At first it brought us much closer together. But in the past month or so, he has become extremely depressed and very distant.

I mentioned that he should talk to someone and he reacted extremely negatively and accused me of thinking he is a crazy person. He then told me that he is a mess and even though I am the best thing that has ever happened to him, he needs time to deal with this on his own. He told me he doesn’t want me to move out and he is thankful that I am being understanding about all this.

However,  he is still so distant, moody and irritable and even though he is unhappy with life in general, I can’t help but feel like he is unhappy with me. I’ve heard  depression can do that but I can’t help but feel sad and take this personally.

MY QUESTION IS THIS: Will I doom our relationship by moving out? Or should I stick it out and just hope that time will heal everything? He is definitely “the one” so I don’t want to walk away I just feel like the issues he is dealing with are so huge that he may need his own personal space to work them out. [continue reading…]

I’ve been dating this guy for the last six months.  We’ve said “I love you” and things were great during the first 3 months of the relationship. After that, things started to go downhill.  He started becoming paranoid and thinking that I was flirting with other guys, that I didn’t like him as much as he liked me, etc.

I have been faithful the whole time and have not been “shopping around”, but after that three month mark he became clingy and desperate.  I don’t want to sound heartless, but I started to lose my attraction to him.

He’s a good guy, I care for him, but I’ve made up my mind that we should no longer be dating.  Can you give me some advice on the best way to break up with my boyfriend?

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I am completely confused. I met this guy at an event at my school. We talked for a while and it was a really great, fun conversation. I instantly started to crush on him. I couldn’t help myself.  His buddies were leaving and we exchanged numbers.

He mentioned that he was having a party next weekend and that I should definitely come.  He said he would call and give me the details, but he never did!  I thought he liked me, he definitely seemed like he did.

What happened?  Why did he say he would call then not call me?

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Someone I recently met decided to ask me if we could make things official.

One problem: he admitted to having an alcohol problem. Although he says he is getting counseling for this from alcohol rehabs, I’m afraid what impact this could mean for a relationship.

It’s one thing to be a friend to help someone out, but as a girlfriend I wouldn’t even know how to handle this if he were to relapse and am not sure I want to stick around to find out.

Any advice?

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I’ve been with my boyfriend for six months. We spend a lot of time together (we see each other every night, at least) and regularly have deep talks about our lives.

However, he still he hasn’t said that he loves me and I’m starting to wonder.  He’s never introduced me to his family (who live out-of-state), but he’s introduced me to all of his close friends as his girlfriend.

He does show affection for me in different ways, but I can’t tell if it’s love or he’s just a nice guy and knows how to treat a lady.  How can I tell if a guy loves me? How do men show their love?

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I read your “Does He Like Me” post (very helpful!), but my question is:  Can you help me decode signs a guy doesn’t like me?

There’s this guy I really like from work. We’ve talked a few times – he’s really cute. To be honest, I have a total crush on him!

Problem is, he’s been more stand-offish lately and I’m afraid I blew it, but maybe I’m just being paranoid. Can you let me know common ways to tell if a guy isn’t interested?

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