I’m a busy, single girl living in NYC and I need advice on how to meet new guys. I’m a student in the performing arts – concentrating opera – so my access to straight guys feels a bit limited. Rehearsals and classes take up most of my time. I haven’t been on a date in over a year now – its crazy! I want to try something new where I can get to know more guys. I go to the gym a lot but other than that I don’t have much in the way of ideas.
As for not going on a date, I think its a sign that there has to be something I’m doing wrong. I generally feel awkward and nervous around guys so I bail out of talking to them even when there’s nothing to lose. They don’t approach me either, so I’m guessing I’m not sending out the right signals if I’m sending any.
There’s also the fact that my roommate made a bet with me – find a date in 10 days or I’m subject to being sexiled for a weekend. That would be severely inconvenient so if you could help at all that would be great! I would love to have a guys insight!
See our guy’s response after the jump!
My thoughts: NYC is great… I mean, so many people, so many things you can be a part of… limitless options.
The best thing you can do to find a guy is… be around guys that you like.
Now, I know that sounds obvious, but in today’s society that usually translates to a bar or club if you’re single. That’s not what I mean.
I think that people are funny animals. The beliefs that we hold, the things we chase after, the ideals we hold as a society. We have things in our society that we’re supposed to want AND “supposed” to feel bad about having. Money. Sex. Desire. Pride. All sorts of stuff.
So sadly, the whole American idea of dating follows the notion that we’re supposed to just happen upon another person by accident… not look for a person. But I’m digressing.
At the same time, I’m not pushing you towards “speed dating” or meeting guys online or things like that. Nothing against that stuff, I’m just thinking that it’s limiting to put your faith into an outside service to hook you up when you are capable of doing it yourself by tweaking your lifestyle a bit. (I do know people who have had a lot of success with online dating sites though.)
I would say that the best way to find a guy is to be around a common place that encourages meeting people, but isn’t necessarily intended for you to meet people. In Boston they have these events at the Museum of Fine Arts where tons of single women go and get all dolled-up and meet guys. Of course, everyone’s going to see the “art”. Being out and about at different public events is like the singles bar for people that actually like not having to scream over music to be heard.
My point is that there are all sorts of things happening where people meet up for a common reason and people happen to meet each other through it. If you go to a charity event, you’ll meet a certain type of guy. If you go to a sporting event, you’ll meet a certain kind of guy. If you go to a wine tasting event, you’ll meet a certain kind of guy. And the hope is that as long as you’re there and looking cute and happy, some guy will open his mouth and say something to you.
Come to think of it, I’ve heard from tons of people that walking their dog through the park is responsible for most of the dates they’ve had for the past few years. Kind of silly, but again… it’s just another convenient excuse people use to meet random strangers they’re attracted to.
Don’t worry about being awkward… tons of guys find it endearing… And it’s usually an invitation for the guy to feel like he can “be real” with you since you’re human and not trying to act like some perfect Goddess. Guys love a happy woman that they feel is human… you can be that.
You just need to show up.
Hope it helps.
- eric charles