Ask a Guy: When a Guy Tells You He Likes You and Then Completely Changes His Mind post image

Ask a Guy: When a Guy Tells You He Likes You and Then Completely Changes His Mind


I was seeing a guy for the past 2 months and everything was going really well. He told me how much he liked me, how lucky he felt to be with me and how he really thought this could be something. He also introduced me to his friends about two weeks ago and told me that I’m the first girl in the past two years that he’s introduced them to.

In the past two weeks we’ve only seen each other twice because he went away for a few days and then we both went away for Easter. Although we hadn’t seen that much of each other, I thought everything was fine. Then we saw each other on Saturday and he told me that he has too much work and doesn’t feel he can see me very much and that it isn’t fair to me.

I asked him what he wanted from me and he said he doesn’t know but he thinks that if he liked me enough he would want to cut back on his work and he doesn’t! He also said he hasn’t really missed not seeing me in the last two weeks that we hadn’t seen each other. It basically sounded like he likes me but not enough.

Read the rest of this question and our guy’s response after the jump!

I just don’t understand how he could change so quickly- two weeks ago he was introducing me to his friends and saying he thinks this could really be something and then suddenly he doesn’t like me as much? I said I felt like he had lead me on and that I wish he had been honest and he said that he promised he didn’t lead me on and he meant all the things he said but since we hadn’t seen each other much in the past two weeks, things started to change for him.

As far as I’m concerned I’m better off without him but I just don’t understand what happened.

Any insight?

RESPONSE:

Here’s my thinking from what you said. At the beginning of a relationship, it’s running on moment to moment emotion – we say what we feel, our brains are dumping all sorts of happy chemicals into our heads giving us all those amazing feelings. As amazing as it feels, that in it of itself doesn’t mean there’s depth there. The amount of vulnerability and trust each person brings to the relationship is typically what gives it depth.

When we expose our self, our vulnerabilities and let someone see us as we are, it creates a deeper bond within you to the other person. When the guy exposes himself to you, that is a moment where his bond to you increases. Just something to think about because typically speaking, when both people show a lot of themselves to each other, there is a deeper bond and the other person doesn’t typically up and leave out of the blue.

With that said, the impression I got is that you both really do like each other as people, but maybe you don’t know all that much about his life and who he really is, who he was… the deeper stuff. When you aren’t bonded on the deeper stuff, things can dissolve if you aren’t with each other for an extended period of time… it’s the deeper moments that stick with a person, not the surface level “butterflies”.

Granted, I am working with limited info here – but my impression on first pass is that the guy really does like you as a person, but did not let you in very deeply (on the inside).

Now, a woman could ask why do guys shift so suddenly? I would respond that from one perspective it is sudden… but from the perspective of what he is looking for in his life, his work and in the grand scheme of what truly motivates him, it probably isn’t a sudden change at all. It probably fits right in with who he is, how he is and the rest of his life. The big question is how familiar are you with these elements of him? To understand his behavior, you have to look at his life as a whole – you have to look at all the things that motivate him and have motivated him in the past. It was once said that there’s a tremendous amount of information in understanding a man’s fears, failures and frustrations… and I believe that is true in relationships as well.

Still, I think that many women in this position typically wonder if its something they did or if there’s something about themselves that caused their man to act like this. Generally speaking, playing detective in this area is not a good use of time. The number one reason being that you don’t know and all blaming yourself will do is make you upset.

My opinion is that “the milk has gone bad”. Take what you’ve learned here and just move on – he doesn’t sound like a bad guy, just a guy who’s guard is up or maybe his exclusive focus is on his work. I can relate to both of those, I’ve been there. I can guarantee he does feel bad and doesn’t want to hurt you. And I believe that he probably meant what he said when he introduced you to his friends and talked about how much he liked you. Even still, for guys, a relationship needs to fit into his life well. If it doesn’t fit into his life (the grand scheme of everything – his work, his play, etc.), even if it’s a great relationship with a great girl, the relationship will probably dissolve unless there is a good amount of depth and understanding there on both sides.

In terms of being able to “do something” about it, I would say you should do your best to try and dig deeper into understanding him and see if he’ll open up. Frankly, if a guy (or a girl, for that matter) has their guard up so much that they can’t open up or let you in at all, their wall is going to block the relationship from going any deeper (which is a large factor in the strength of their bond to you.) I wouldn’t say this is something to confront a guy about, but rather a way you should consider relating to him in general.

In short, I think it’s just a matter of circumstance and where he is in his life. Sounds to me like he did think you were a great girl, but his life isn’t set up right now to have you (the person that you are) in his life. As I say in these situations: It is what it is.

eric charles

{ 33 comments… add one }

Leave Your Comment Now…

M

Okay Eric, well what if you did have that depth where both people opened up to one another and revealed truly deep and personal things to one another?

I’ve had this same thing happen to me, and having that depth and bond made it really hard when he just upped and disappeared. To be fair, he had been pretty messed up from his last relationship where his ex cheated on him, but we hadn’t gotten together until months later, so I can’t even say I was a rebound.

To be honest this just makes me hate dating and I no longer want to be bothered with guys because they all do this “disappearing act,” and its honestly not fair. Sure the guy mentioned in the question above may “be a nice guy” but I just can’t believe a person can feel one way and in 2 weeks (without any action from the other party) change their mind. Either the female asking this question isn’t being completely honest and did do something to make this guy up and leave or he wasn’t being honest in his intentions with her.

Reply October 31, 2014, 3:14 am

papa

We can be attracted to people and like the essence of what they are but when we dig down a little into their personalities, I find as a man that I get turned off immediately by selfishness or materialistic people and they then can turn out to be a very different people to what I originally thought. That’s my reason for this happening. Some of the girls here need to stop generalising with sweeping statements as though men are all one entity. Maybe that is the issue, some of you are jumping to conclusions and the men are picking up on this.

Reply December 13, 2014, 5:04 pm

M

Reads like you’re jumping to conclusions. My comment is based off of my experience and other girls I know and quite frankly, given the current hookup culture we live in, it makes my comment quite valid. Maybe you don’t do this disappearing act or maybe you don’t think you do but I highly doubt most men are being honest with a girl when they decide something isn’t working out. For me, if I don’t think things are working for me with someone, I TELL them, I don’t pull the waning out, hoping they’ll eventually get it; in my opinion that’s really bad taste and insensitive to the other person. Unfortunately in my experience most men avoid that part because they think they’re saving the girl heartbreak or they want to avoid trouble but honesty and communication is what avoids those things not disappearing. That only leaves people feeling duped.

Reply December 13, 2014, 5:13 pm

Amanda

I think there is also a possibility that his friends disliked her.
In one scenario, they pressured or bullied him into cooling things off.
In another (more likely) scenario, they opened his eyes to behaviours or traits of hers in compatible to his. As in, they removed his rose tinted glasses.
That’s not to say there is anything wrong or lacking in her, it could be something like the way she laughs, the uncanny resemblance to his mother (or some equally inappropriate person female/male in his life), maybe she touches him too much or too little, maybe she expressed an opinion about politics/religion/etc that was completely in contradiction to his opinion on that subject (something he feels very strongly about), the list goes on.
Something else that can’t be ignored it the possibility that she is the problem. She very well may not be good enough for him, and his friend have seen and put their foot down. Does she treat him with respect, or did she disrespect him and embarrass him in front of his friends? Did treat his friends with respect or did she look down her nose at them? This list can go on too.

Reply October 20, 2014, 6:57 pm

Vanessa

Unfortunately this is the way most men are these days.. I feel most men see a woman in hope that because visually she ticks the box, sexually and physically, a bond is also created but there is so much more out there, that when a good woman comes along,. They almost say, ok well maybe I can do better if I can have this one too easily. I don’t hate men, but I think because of social media times have changed, and things said are easily changed by things that are seen. We all have to remember no one is perfect, and for men who keep pushing their luck with amazing women in order to hunt for the best they can find, I believe it only gets returned to them in karma…. Because I’ve seen many of my ex boyfriends return 4 years later hoping to interest me in a revisit because they realised too late that the best looking women they are in search of often come with baggage, personality disorders, habits or ex husbands……… Often not what they set out to find when they leave an amazing woman for another. So what I say is,… Don’t take the rejection of a man leaving early… Usually it’s a way of saying he’s actually not good enough for you. And if they ever do return, don’t flatter yourself because he’s come back, pity him because he lost a good thing.

Reply September 19, 2014, 4:33 am

crystal

I have a question me and my ex recently got back together after being split up for 6 months we were engaged to be married and his best friend died and he totally changed so I broke up with Him and then just the other day after being together for almost 2 months again then he just broke up with me cuz he said he doesn’t know what he wants or whether he is in love with me anymore he knows he loves me and cares about me but still wants me to go on a trip next Thursday with him to Great America and told me if he found out I was going to the bars that I would lose him for goodhe said that he rushed back into this too soon and that he wants to be friends and see where it goes from there what does this all mean in a guys perspective

Reply June 28, 2014, 11:55 pm

Jade Kelly

I think these days women become emotionally invested so quickly, you may have fallen in love while the man is still testing the water and figuring out if it’s the right relationship for him. Which is actually a healthy approach to dating.

If it was a relationship of a few weeks and you’re sitting there hurt wondering why he left…ask yourself why did you put all your eggs in one basket so quickly? It could be even that he felt you were just too “in to” him too quickly that made him skittish. These are not the actions of a high value woman that knows her worth.

Often it’s because women are looking for a man to make her feel worthy rather than asking herself if HE is!

There are billions of guys out there, it’s better to have fun and keep from making a decision until the man in question is asking you for a commitment. Then perhaps you can cut off other options. If it feels right :)

Reply September 10, 2013, 2:44 pm

lay

I’ve been in the same situation, I gave everything within the 1st month of dating. I’ve been too nice, too nice that I thought he will appreciate me. I invested all my emotions at once never knowing he is still figuring things out. I thought we had something already suddenly he told me that he cant continue it right now with me and that he is guarding his heart. I was speechless that all i said is “i understand”… Name it, I’ve been the sweetest and the kindest but sometimes you don’t have to show the guy how much you like him because he might think that you are so weak for caring about him so much.. I never texted him after I said “i understand him”.. I have no right at all to demand or complain, i got hurt because i chose to fall so easily and i expected too much from him…maybe I NEED TO GUARD MY HEART TOO…sometimes I feel like being so nice to a man doesn’t do good at all.. I forgot I have my worth as a woman…lesson, never invest too much of yourself to a man you just met…thanks

Reply June 8, 2014, 11:10 pm

MrVd

I am really confused. I broke up with my boyfriend of 3,5 years 2 months ago. One of our best friends, since we have the same group of friends, told me a few weeks later that he has liked me for a long time, lets call him ‘A’. At first I was hesitant, because I did not want to start any drama amongst our friends (my ex was still not over the break up, and my best friend used to like ‘A’) . But he kept on telling me how muched he liked me, and he couldn’t wait anymore. He told me he loved me and that he has dreamed of a future between us for a long time. He wanted a future with me, and he did not care about the drama, he said ‘if the drama means being with you, I would go through it’. A few days later, we kissed, and we talked on the phone everyday (mostly he was the one that called me). We played videogames together, laughed together, watched movies together. It was just great. In a few days, I really fell for him. Which is something that never happens to me, when it comes to love I am usually very cold, and it takes a long time for me to even say that I like someone. We slept together, and it was the first time in my life I actually felt a real connection with someone doing ‘the deed’. Afterwords, we talked for hours, cuddling, kissing eachother. A few days after, we slept together again. Still, a great time. 2 days later, he broke everything off, telling me he still liked me, but didn’t see a future with me anymore. I am so confused, I really don’t know what to do or what to say anymore. He still wants us to be friends, but now, I am just upset and angry with him. What should I do?

ps sorry for some spelling mistakes I might have made, I am dutch and really trying my best here :P

Reply July 22, 2013, 5:11 pm

Dianne

Guys open up, cry, call and text me sometimes for years about some woman they were with, so it has to be a certain type of vulnerability, right? Steer clear of exes, more about their childhood or what’s important like family or career? I have learned a lot about a man by hearing about his relationships, but hard not to get into friend zone and occasional sex. Not good for me.

Reply February 24, 2013, 8:33 pm

D

I have this guy who I really like but I lts so hard for me to talk to him when I see him. I want to I do! But it’s usually at a bar or his friends house when I do. Lately he keeps showing up at the same bars as me and trying as hard as he can to get my attention and most of the time I don’t give it to him because any time I’ve seen him he’s hooking up with all kinds of girls… And always almost always with his friends. Most of our friends are in the same group do we always seem to run into each other but now he’s showing up where I am on purpose constantly watching me from a far discreetly. He does not text me does not call and will not ever text me back. Before when we first met we attempted to hang out but it was always with his friends. After that that first night he hasn’t really tried talking to me much I kind of felt blow off I guess so I mostly ignore him if I do see him. And he pretends to do the same exact thing and were both so nervous. Why is he doing this if he’s just not that into me?

Reply August 11, 2012, 2:32 pm

Bella

I am completely confused. Was w/ a man for a month (but we knew each other more casually for many yrs)-he was begging me to move into apt, gave me key, debit card, anything I wanted. Was highly romantic, walking in rain together, weekend trips, surprise gifts. Don’t get me wrong, he wasn’t trying to “buy” me-I am very low maintenance and he knows it. He brought me home worms to go fishing w/ the next day and I think it was the coolest thing in the world that he knew I wanted them and got them for me w/o me asking . . . Anyway, we have a small disagreement, he was drinking to much. I commented on it, but did not berate him. I was getting ready for a short trip the next day and decided to leave that evening due to the drinking. He got really pissy and said, well, if you are going to leave than LEAVE. Very nasty tone of voice. I packed up the rest of my stuff and left full of adreniline. A lil way down the road, was sorry I had over reacted, called, apologized, apology accepted and he was thankful I WASN’T leaving. Then the next day, he says he wants no more relationship, there is no hope for one in the future and absolutely no further contact of any kind! Before this evening, we had never even had a serious argument! There were not a lot of bad things said or really any scene at all other than me gathering my things! I have no idea what to think. Earlier that week he was talking about marriage-I was NOT the one driving this stuff he was saying! He would watch me driving and just out of the clear blue tell me how beautiful I was! I am lost for an explanation, but it is driving me insane. We were perfectly matched-not perfect, but perfectly matched. All areas of the relationship were out of this world, then, no contact! WTF????

Reply April 12, 2012, 8:47 pm

Relatable

Sounds like bad news if he is going to react that way. My ex-husband had a drinking problem and was very much bipolar. I regret not leaving sooner than I did. These are red flag behaviors and you should steer clear of this guy….

Reply June 2, 2014, 6:31 pm

Bjork74

I will share my story here this is how it goes:
I met this amazing man in this Summer in NYC. He was from Denver visiting with his friends, we connected immediately the chemistry and attraction was all over, we talked from 6 PM until midnight I felt like Cinderella! he asked to see me that entire weekend, I agreed and we had dinner and walked around the city holding hands. I immediately felt in love and we had sex 4 days later. Then he went back to Denver we exchanged emails and a week after he bought me a ticket to see him later that month.

He would call me every day morning and night, to say he missed me, he is business man extremely busy but made the time to show me how much he cared, he said he wanted me to meet his parents, would text me his pictures before going into meetings, I felt in love and I showed him my emotions and I thought it was mutual. I flew there had an amazing time, so romantic perfect, then when I came back he automatically became distant, stopped calling every second but only at end of the day to say good night. I have been suffering and crying so much! I asked him what happened and why he became distant, he said I came on too strong and I freaked him out! I can’t believe when he was the one saying he loved me and that I was the first woman that he show interest after 2 years from being divorced from his 4 years marriage. He said he is guarded and had walls around his heart. I am so confused! before he wanted all this, he wanted my love and to hear how much I wanted to be with him. This past weekend I opened up and said I wanted to apologize and said if I came too strong I would like a chance and start fresh one step at time, he said yes, that he likes me and wanted to continue communicating. I haven’t heard from him for 4 days so my question is: should I tell him to stop calling me? I don’t even know why he does, we live thousands of miles away apart and I am suffering! but I love him and I want to give a chance, should I be strong and give him the time to evaluate his feelings for me? but one thing I want to say for all the women here: please read this book: men who can’t love, you will understand much better the male brain and never repeat those mistakes again, I wish I have read it before I met him…

Reply October 13, 2011, 4:58 pm

Candy

I met this guy & we kicked it off real good! We have been dating for about 4 months now. In the beginning things were great. He has told me how much he likes me, how Im different from the rest, and that I seem almost too perfect, and that he might be falling in love. I responded what you see is what you get. Iam a good woman. I really started to like this guy. He has been good to me & my 2 kids. These last few weeks I noticed he has started to kind of distance hiself from me. He doesn’t call as much anymore or he doesn’t respond to any of my texts as much. I asked him how did he feel about me, & he stated that he really likes me a lot. Why doesn’t he act like anymore? Could he be loosing interest? Why can’t he just say that? I NEED HELP!

Reply October 10, 2011, 1:31 pm

Red Sonia

I have a co-worker he is a caucasion widow (less than 4 months) Dad (BETA) with a girl a toddler in he is in his late 30’s. I’m an african american female (ALPHA) in my late 40’s with one adult child. We are both financially secure business executives who even in this economy could take a time out from work. I’m ready to be a wife and mother again and he is well aware of that. We have been confidants for the past 4 months and have shared some very deep emotional discussions on love, loss, and recovery. We share snakes and he makes comments on how we have many things in common. I’ve grown emotionally attached to him and his child however a month ago he annonced he was attracted to an old friend in her mid 20’s of he & his deceased wife. They have a relationship that’s very private (not for public knowledge). How does a man in mourning 4 months who is mentally not balanced, dealing with being single dad, working serious long hours, and then becoming Mr. Mom at the end of the work day, go from wanting to share a soda from the same bottle with me one week to this person from his past in his private space? I didn’t see her coming. I didn’t think he was through the grieving process for his wife whom he loved dearly. I thought I was respecting her who I didn’t know by not making a move. Now, since the woman has come on the scene I told him I love him and his toddler and that I know I’m not what he wants so give me space to allow me to just get over it. He gave me a time out but we slowlyfall back into old office habits like the other woman doesn’t exist. We have never been physically involved. Mentally we have a great time, laughing, joking, and handling business remarkably together and then comes the end of the day when he goes to her. If she is what he wants (he said it) why go out of your way to come to my office and have mature and immature conversations? Why cann’t he keep it work? I follow his lead when he strays from strictly work discussions. I don’t know what to think or do at this point. No, we have never talked nasty or sexually towards each other. We have discussedromantic likes and dislikes from food to sex in the rain and yes we have mutual likes and dislikes (mirror). Help!!

Reply September 21, 2011, 10:30 pm

angie

ok i have a question. ive known this guy for 12 yrs off and on we would get together and were pretty much friends with benefits. this last go around that we hooked up it had been at least five yrs since we seen each other.he ended up getting married and had been since seperated. now he lives five hrs away,his parents have been trying to buy a house in the town that i live in.so they would all come down once a month.ok so it pretty started he found me on FB and we started txting oh about five months went by before he made his first trip down here.we spent six hrs together and it was like so much fire still there for the both of us. so the following month same thing.but way better. so right after that we were txting and he came out and told me how he had really felt about me. he said that if i couldnt tell by the way he kissed and looked at me then no matter what he says wouldnt matter. then he said that he thinks about me all the time just not sexually either.he said that honestly it be txing,email or in person these feelings are getting stronger all the time.he said that hope you know i care about you and would never intentionally hurt you physically or emotionally.i mean ive always had feelings for him so ya can imagine how i felt knowing that finally he is feeling the same thing. then one nite he said that oh you lust after my body.i was like oh well go with that.he said or do you prefer i say love,i was like can i plead the fith on that one.of course we kinda laughing about it.well that night when we said our good nites that we have done every nite for months he said and luv ya.well i was happy…he was always saying how much he missed me and how much he was thinkin of me.calling me baby,babe and hun.calling me sweetie and sexy..well couple days after he told me how he felt.his attitude changed like i did something i dunno what happened.and when i asked he says no reason.that is all he ever says.now almost two months went by and we act like just friends.and im hurt and upset cause i dunno what happened i asked him if he regrets telling me and he says no i dont.so what the heck am i supposed to do or think here.i love this guy and i know he does love me too but i dont know what to think.i think hes scared of the way hes feeling.so any insight would help on what i should do. we are so compatible.we txt from the time we get up till the time we go to bed.we always have something to say to each other.we have SO much in common, he makes me laugh and smile and we make each other happy hes told me he hasnt been this happy in quite sometime. so please i dont wanna give up on this guy.god is always bringing us together in one way or another.i dunno what to do..please help im desperate. thanks so much

Reply August 21, 2011, 9:23 am

Christy

I like both of your responses Eric Charles. The explanation you gave is so true. My daughter dated this guy (refer to comment March 27 & May 6 for some insight) for three months, How can he say all these things to a person and act the way he does and not think that his actions could cause pain to someone. Maybe I am old fashioned but why not go on few dates with each other to see if there is a connection and after a month if there is no connection you can be friends. From what my daughter said was he did share some stuff he did in the past but didn’t really share all of his past with her. She was honest with him the whole time. He told her that he wasn’t happy with his job and where he lived but when she offered to help him find a better job or another place to live he said no I don’t need your help. This isn’t a answer to give to someone that cares for you. And the excuse he gave her when he broke up with her leaves you wondering if that was the real truth or just a lie. Yeah I would like to say he was a nice guy and that his life isn’t set up right now to have you (the person that you are) in his life. But a part of me thinks that he was full of crap. So what do you think ??

Reply June 4, 2011, 2:46 pm

grace

so i have had the same thing happen to me. my family knew this guy and thought so highly of him. they knew my past experience with men were all bad and i even had a 6 month old baby alone. well i met him and at first we were both shy and my family didnt help at all by pushing us to talk and ride in the car together, go places together… they just always had to say something .. eventually he and i just blew them off and started talking on our own. well he started to tell me things like “i see you in my future” , “i want to be the perfect guy for you” .. he even drove 3 hours to pick me up at the halfway point) eventually he ended up kissing me and i assumed that he liked me more then a friend. the nexy day we hung out and kissed a few times but nothing further. that night i asked him what our status was and he told me “getting to know eachother, i dont want to jump into a relationship until we are both stable” (i live in another state 6 hours away, but im always in his state because that is where my family lives) so i told him that we shouldnt continue kissing because i liked him and didnt want to get hurt by the situation, well the next day niether of us texted the other, so the following day i texted him and we just acte normal like nothing happened and didnt kiss. that same week , he and i plus my family went to the beach and we had a good time (in my eyes) , there were times when we would do our own thing and other times when we would do stuff together … now im in my state and i wanted to continue texting him so we dont lose contact and he texts back but just responds, doesnt ever ask questions about me or what im doing .. and today he didnt text me at all, i texted him, no response … i just dont get it . i know he is a nice guy but i have told him to always just be honest, if he doesnt like me to just tell me … what do you guys think about this situation ….

Reply June 1, 2011, 6:49 pm

Christy

Thanks Hannah for your comment we appreciated it. I left the same comment maybe a little more in depth of the situation on another website and they said it sounds like the guy that dated my daughter for 3 months was a player. She thought because she was going to full time college and didn’t have a job,no tattoos and she didn’t hardly drink and party alot (if you know what I mean) that was the reason for the break up. I also didn’t mention that he would stay over at our house a few days a week and fed him breakfast and she would stay over at his place a few days a week. On the days she stayed over she would drive to his place and I always made sure she had a snack,breakfast and lunch because she had class the next day. I didn’t want people to think she was a moocher. He worked in the afternoon till closing and worked weekends. He’s a young guy that lives on his own and has bills and didn’t leave much time to do anything because he didn’t have the money to.She understood that and was happy if they went out once a month. I will never understand how he can wake up everyday and look people in their eyes and acts the way he does and be ok with that. Since the break-up she still going to college, looking for a job, goes to the gym three days a week and does alot more things independally.

Reply May 6, 2011, 1:19 pm

hannah

well i think that he did not like you enough to continue with your relationship…. He probably is a guy who gets bored easily… You are better without hem dont tripp .. Let go… & have fun … You have many more options and their gonna come a guy that will never get bored of you… Sencirly Anna & Hannah =]

Reply March 31, 2011, 2:12 pm

Christy

I agree with your comment. My daughter met this guy three and a half months ago.They texted each other for about the first two weeks and he said they had alot in common and asked her out on a date.They went out on the date and the next day he told her that was the best date he had ever. They got together 4 days later and he came over to watch a movie.Within that time he changed his FB status from being single to in a relationship.They hung out more connected and were inseperatable. About 1 week later my daughter changed her FB status to in a relationship. She said that she finally met a respectable guy who treats her right. Everything was going fine he put a plastic rose on her car and left a note in her room saying i love you with all my heart you mean the world to me. When he texted her he would use terms of endearment and I love you so much. And then from there he gave her a promise ring.She said it was to early for that but she would wear it.(because she didn’t want him to think she is rejecting his feelings towards her).The relationship was fine a few tiffs here and there but thats normal. He even dedicated songs to her. He even introduced her to his friends and brother. And out of the blue on their 3 month anniversary he dumped her. This isn’t working out for me and I need time to focus on myself. It’s not your fault it’s mine and I will always love you.Then he has the nerve to ask for a hug and wanted to walk her to her car. She did not give a hug and she walked herself to her car. Told him to have a nice nice and wished him the best. So what do you think about all this ??

Reply March 27, 2011, 12:55 pm

Bicostallady

Just recently I experienced this very same thing. He persued me heavy, we dated for about 4 months…we live about an hour from each other driving so no big deal seeing each other right? I met his friends, he mine. Been to each others houses and of course had amazing sex!!! Now all of a sudden I am the one calling, texting, doing shout outs, because he’s MIA unless on FB and we really do not comment on each others status updates….well I’ve since stopped being the communicator and has resumed my old habbits before dating him.

Reply March 3, 2011, 10:13 am

Smart Payment Plan

This has happened to me too. The guy was coming on so strong the first 3 weeks or so, then he suddenly became more and more distant, all the while telling me he wanted to keep seeing me. very confusing but i finally realized he was confused and did not know what he wanted. so i became very busy and now we are in a grey area. i do not know if we will get back because I dont think he can give me anymore or open up in anyway.

Reply October 19, 2010, 7:04 pm

Tallgirl10

I just had one of these situations. We had dated twice for 1 1/2 month each time (4 dates the last time), and both times there seemed to be a disconnect in that we were not really talking about anything deeper. The second time was a little better.

The second time around he came on super strong and then slowly backed off. But, I saw that every time we went out, and had a good time, he would distance further. Last time I saw him, he asked me out, but when I got there he was cold, distant and began to get mean.

I am still beating myself up, but for the life of me, I don’t think I did anything. I did not ask about the furture, and only once did I start a text conversation, which I cut off.

On that last time after he had been so cold – I had a conversation with him. I said – I am enjoying spending time with you, but I feel like there is a disconnect and I can’t describe or understand it. Then I said – how do you feel like things are going between us. He said in a very robotic way (he totally had disconnected – it was very weird) – I enjoy spending time with you, but this will not get serious.

So, I said thank you, I appreciate your honesty, but I don’t want to be in anything that does not have potential. I continued with – from my perspective I do not understand why you came on so strong and slowly backed off. This is the second time around. I want to be with someone who is into me, and will show me attention, and that I don’t think you can give that to me.

I truely don’t know what happened, but I could feel that shield. I am sad because I have never had such a weird robotic encounter. I just wish I did not blame myself.

Any thoughts anyone?

Reply June 25, 2010, 11:37 am

Anna

What a load of rubbish. He is obviously just a knob but you don’t know him well enough to see that about him.
‘A matter of where he is in his life’? If he was a great, solid guy it wouldn’t matter what his work or other commitments were you would still be together. He is a flake. As far as I’m concerned don’t bother telling people you care about them and want them around, if in fact you don’t. It just makes you a douche.
Get as far away as possible. There is someone much more worthwhile out there.

Reply June 11, 2010, 8:04 am

L

I’ve had a kind of similar experience…except this guy started off completely into me telling me similar things “i can really see a future with you” “Never thought about marriage with a girl until you” How lucky he is..how amazing i am…but then he found out how “into Christianity” i was, with him an atheist, he would then change his mind about how much he liked me literally every second day. One day, he’s totally into me, thinks he may even love me, then the next not interested…doesnt care…won’t call, doesnt know if its right, not sure how he feels…then back to being smitten…and this up and down went on for a month and a half. What the heck?!? Frustrating much?!

I later also found out towards the end he started a fling with another girl while we were still seeing each other and then when we’d officially ended things, went back to his ex in less than a week but still calls me to see how i’m going and to talk to me when he’s down… Any thoughts?

Reply May 16, 2010, 10:00 am

Eric Charles

Can’t say for sure… Maybe:
.
– playing hard-to-get
– thinks you’re extremely annoying but too hot to resist
– wasn’t initially attracted, but then became “charmed” by you
.
If you ended up dating… why not ask him what that was about? ;)

Reply March 29, 2010, 10:26 pm

k

This is very interesting. But I’m curious, what about the opposite scenario? If a guy swears up and down he doesn’t like you, and then you end up dating. What is that about?

Reply March 28, 2010, 2:27 pm

Keli

The number one reason being that you don’t know and all blaming yourself will do is make you upset.

-Interesting…I experienced this last fall…unstead of hims saying he just wasn’t wasn’t that into me anymore…he became distant…unavailable…I probably replayed our last encounter a million times trying to see what I could have done ( and my girlfriend constantly planting the “you did something” seed in my ear didn’t help either!). Finally I just had to ask, “Did I do something.” At this point, I was already upset…I was really feeling this guy…then he comes back with some bs reason as to why he was no longer engaged, and then I became pissed!

A year has almost passed and I still feel some kinda way about the situation…but I am moving on, and in doing so I let him know that there are no hard feelings. We have had a couple of minimal exchanges and it was it is.

Reply October 5, 2009, 12:19 am

alicia d

he met another girl.

Reply June 12, 2009, 12:05 pm

hannes

the answer to the question may not be totally about him, but also about your behaviour with him. did you get to clingy, did you already love him too much? take it easy, continue to play hard to get, don’t give yourself completely emotionally.

Reply May 25, 2009, 8:23 am

marty

you did not have sex with him, so you did not bond. After 2 weeks, the feelings were not there anymore, there was nothing for him to think about, nothing to miss, nothing to desire. Not being rude, just my humble opinion

Reply May 20, 2009, 8:09 pm

Leave a Comment