This topic contains 129 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Jenna 2 years, 7 months ago.
January 27, 2019 at 1:06 pm #737638
Lane – you rarely give bad advice, but this is one …Lol
In this case, it is not hours that he did not respond… it is days… it has nothing to do w busy..he was on FB, on Xbox….
He clearly is not treating her like a GF… periodJanuary 27, 2019 at 2:29 pm #737645
I said I wasn’t going to reply anymore but your advice to spot on. I don’t think people realize it doesn’t bother me, I was getting anxious about it the first day not sure why… but yes you are right.
He doesn’t really have to reply to me anyways… he’s in the police academy and I read a lot of wives/girlfriends get ignored a lot since they are busy blah blah. We’ve spent the last 4 weekends together Saturday and Sunday All Day! So I understand him wanting to take this weekend to himself.
Sisi, it’s been one day now yes. I don’t necessarily feel like he is treating me any less of his girlfriend..January 27, 2019 at 2:52 pm #737648
Op – your own words was you texted him Tuesday and he replied Thursday say sorry busy… you then texted Friday asking about weekend, and no response since…
Unless I missed something, I don’t count that as one day…maybe you do…
But here is the thing – yo came here to ask for help, and we are all trying to do just that, help you..
If you all of sudden think this is none of his fault, and you just have to get used to it, all good… get used to it then, and best luckJanuary 27, 2019 at 3:29 pm #737653
Sisi this question was about texting and feeling anxious not a bunch of ladies asking for the relationship barometer. The mayority here seems to think all relationships are a dime in a dozen but thats just not true. Not everybody is the same or want the same in different times of their lives. If Tiffany had asked about her status you could call it she was brushing you off. But she didnt ask. Youre pissed because she dismiised your advice she didnt ask for. And now youre still on here advocating your unwanted opinion.
The truth is you dont know. Tiffany is happy with how it is going, understanding where both of them stand but can work on their communication in the future. Whats wrong with that? You think you should suddenly call it quits because you dont think its normal?
Its the same on your own threat. You ask how to deal with your ex children and you get the advice the relationship is probably doomed anyway. Did you like that? Im glad lane answered because she made perfect sense to me too. Sometimes ladies here seem to think that the advice is more important than the question. I disagree. I would say that it probably doesnt even help in current relationships but maybe in future onesJanuary 27, 2019 at 3:32 pm #737654
I can be pushy too but only if women get stuck in toxic relationships, or read false hope in nothing but even with them i let them be because they will hopefully get out another wayJanuary 27, 2019 at 3:57 pm #737656
Very well said thank you! What works for me may not work for everybody else! I honestly really don’t like good morning and good night texts feel so routine… while other people like that kind of stuff.
Yes we can work better on our communication of course. Relationships you always have to work for. But again he needs to destress. He even told me it was a terrible week for him (and knowing him) when he has a bad week he just pulls back and does things for himself! Nothing wrong with it. He will text me when he can :)January 28, 2019 at 6:41 am #737739
The thing is: but he can!
Anytime, really, he has a phone, opposable thumbs and Internet.
Neither of which he is using to reach out to you. In what, 4 days?
If that’s enough for you so be it. While daily talking / texting may not be necessary for many couples, regular contact is a requirement for a healthy growing relationship.
I call it love maintainance.
Not hearing from my so for the entire weekend would be a red flag, feel like a blowoff and unacceptable in my book.
Good luck!January 28, 2019 at 6:59 am #737741
not too sure what to make of this thread…tiffany you know best whether the guy is interested in you or not. and you know best whether no responses to your texts are alright too. and if you think this is ok then this certainly is ok…:-) but just ensure that the bf doesn’t start taking you for granted that’s all..January 30, 2019 at 3:52 am #738073
Just wondered if he got in touch at the weekend ? XJanuary 30, 2019 at 11:43 pm #738162
Yes he eventually texted me back. His schedule at the academy changed from 7pm-4am he told me. So he has been getting 3/4 hours of sleep for the past week. And towards the end of the conversation because he was going into work today he said “I’ll text you later if I can, maybe hang out this weekend, not too sure of my schedule yet” which is understandable. :) it was good to hear from him, and that he does want to hang out. I’m pretty sure at the very least we will get lunch. The academy gets hard next week for him. So fingers crossed!!January 31, 2019 at 5:35 pm #738248
Thanks for the update!
You guys are fine. 😊
You are a nice lesson for me about calmness and understanding.
Thank you.January 31, 2019 at 6:01 pm #738252
Tiffany, I haven’t followed the whole thread, but just wanted to say – one thing that is also valued in relationships is patience.
I really liked Newbie’s advice.
Trust in him and in you as a couple… as long as you don’t have any proof against it. why not? trust it until he proves you wrong. maybe he won’t. it happens very often that men have to just learn how to be in relationships.January 31, 2019 at 6:23 pm #738255
Yes I need the be understanding with him that’s for sure! Not seeing him every weekend sucks but it’s whats needed for his police academy. I’m gonna support him.
He came back to me because we were a good fit. Yes I also agree patience is very good! He does need to learn haha, as do I! He’s a good partner for meJanuary 31, 2019 at 10:39 pm #738271
Emma I really do disagree with you I’m sorry… but I will have a talk with him about it believe me. But I do not expect anything like better off single said…. he doesn’t need to reply to me after a long stressful day. Sometimes I forget to even talk to my own mother after a stressful busy day… and I just work 9-5!!!
He does police academy which is very hard… I’m not mad or upset with him… he needs me time, guy time, and family time, and time to study!! His family and studies should come before me period. That’s how it is for me.
I believe he has thursdays off because he is online playing video games again… which I do not mind at all! I’m glad he’s relaxing :)February 1, 2019 at 12:07 am #738275
OP – you are in love with this man, so you try to be that “perfect girlfriend” to win him over, so perfect to the extend that you put yourself after his family, his job, his friends, his FB, his xbox… To be honest, these should all come after you….
Busy is not enough reason to not respond for 4 days… Would you not respond to him for 4 days? You won’t, because you care about him too much to leave him hanging, you also love him too much to piss him off….. But did he feel the same??
You can be supporting, be understanding, and all that… Someday he will run into a girl, who will call him out for bad behavior, and who will walk if he DARE to treat her any less…. And guess what, all of a sudden, he will find her so attractive and find you so boring… That is just how attraction works….February 1, 2019 at 1:38 am #738277
some very extreme views here. :-). if the op is currently ok with the bf’s texting patterns, then whats the problem? I guess she understands that she’s a part of his life and the whole life. she understands that he needs to do other things besides her. and that’s fine. as I said, it shouldn’t happen that he always starts putting her at the lowest rung of priorities, since she always understands.. just ensure he doesn’t start taking you for granted that’s all. that’s not a nice feeling. all the best. and yeah its good to see a patient woman who could hold back her anxieties and wait for the bf’s revert. all the bestFebruary 1, 2019 at 9:41 am #738291
I’m sorry but if you think he should be putting me before his studies and family you’re wrong! I don’t put him before my family or my studies at all!! Why in the world would anybody do that?? Makes no sense to me.
And if you read the whole thread sisi you would see I actually broke up with him and he wanted to get back together. It doesn’t even bother me a little bit at this point. I’m fine with it, it’s not like I’m checking my phone to see his text NO! We both have a life outside of each other… I myself would not wait 4 days! Like I’ve said before he is a bad texter even with his friends! I don’t feel like a low priority at all. I feel like I’m in a relationship with somebody who trusts me enough that he doesn’t have to do the “check ins” with meFebruary 1, 2019 at 9:55 am #738293
hey don’t get so heated up. all have different views based on their experiences in life. at the end of the day, its your life and your decision. :-). if both you guys have reached a certain level in understanding and communicating then that’s great…February 1, 2019 at 12:18 pm #738309
OP – while relationships come in all shapes and forms, my view are bounded by my own experiences for sure…
I have a very busy BF whose work hourly rate is $895 per hour, so he is busy…But I never have to wait more than 4-5 hours to hear back, most of the time it is within 30 minutes.
Not that I am needy, but he won’t leave me hanging. Also he enjoys communicating with me so much that he will find time for it..He is also probably worried that he does not treat me as a top priority, other men will…
And I do the same for him, never leave him hanging for long… This is called mutual…
But again, if he has time for xbox but no time to confirm weekend plan, and you are cool with that… Then you are cool with that….and that is that… LolFebruary 1, 2019 at 1:40 pm #738314
Agree Devils Advocate. If everything was ok with her relationship then why waste the time to ask for advice on this site?February 1, 2019 at 2:18 pm #738317
Btw- i have a handful of guy friends who sometimes take weeks to respond, and I am fine with those… Frankly, I dont even notice when they do/dont respond…
But BF? no, he is being held to much higher standard….February 1, 2019 at 2:23 pm #738318
Hate to say it but I agree, too. He’s probably not trying to be rude or disrespectful but that’s exactly what he’s doing. Shooting you a quick text takes just a few seconds and shows you the respect you deserve… I’m sure this slight lapse in communication styles can easily be remedied with an in-person conversation with him.February 1, 2019 at 7:22 pm #738345
omg sisi has such a great bf. 1000/per hour salary and he’s never too busy to text her!
love this forum.
I love Emma’s advice almost always.
here… I’m not sure. we have to assess each relationship by its own, not compare too much. I honestly think that not replying for a few hours, or even a day or two is not a big deal. if it does happen too often or if it does bother OP, then she should talk to him about it. a good guy will take your concerns into account. if he doesn’t, bye. your feelings are valid, and he has to make sure that you feel comfortable, confident, secure, amazing. if he doesn’t, then reevaluate your relationship. good luck!February 1, 2019 at 7:48 pm #738351
yes most lawyers that work w corporation, as opposed to individuals, charge $800 to $1000..if that is news to you, sorry…
And yes he never left me waiting for more than 5/6 hours… and I never left him waiting for long neither…February 1, 2019 at 8:08 pm #738353
I’m very happy for you Sissi. but what contribution your man’s salary is to this thread? I’m in academia, both with my partner we are in leading universities in the world. guess what, most of people aren’t. so are you here to brag?