Should I be upset?


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This topic contains 129 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Jenna 2 years, 7 months ago.

Viewing 25 posts - 26 through 50 (of 128 total)
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  • #737341 Reply

    Jaden

    Now I get it. Yeah. FB sucks that way. Turn off the notifications on Messenger. Then you won’t be alerted.

    But I agree. This isn’t a big deal for your relationship.
    You’re good.

    #737394 Reply

    Tiffany

    Hi everybody!

    Sorry i was MIA i was busy. He actually texted me back yesterday around 11am saying he was sorry and that he was super busy hes in the police academy… and that its going to be awful all week and i told him no worries and asked him if he is working this weekend… next day almost 24 hours later nothing yet! This is his texting ways… he takes forever but I need to realize its nothing against me!
    Right? :)

    #737396 Reply

    TeaDaze

    You are asking us meaning you aren’t sure. Which is not a good place to be in.

    You are sitting here anxiously awaiting for him to make plans with you. If you always spend the weekend together call him and come up with a few suggestions of fun stuff to do maybe?

    If you play it weekend by weekend and aren’t sure, wait until he gets off work tonight to respond / reach out maybe and make other plans if he doesn’t.
    And stick to them.
    Don’t give him the power to hold your time hostage.
    Don’t be available tomorrow if he doesn’t get in touch today.

    And bring it up in person next time you get together, explaining your preference of communication.

    #737397 Reply

    Tiffany

    You’re right.

    Yes we usually do play it weekend by weekend either because he has to work some weekends or I have too much homework or other things going on. I’m sure he will end up getting back to me sometime today… if not I will make plans! But yes definitely something I should bring up. It’s always been like this but for some weird reason I was more anxious about it this time…

    #737400 Reply

    Khadija

    Its more than just the texting that is causing you to be anxious.

    He isn’t doing his part as a bf. You are reaching out to him trying to spend time with him but,instead he is giving you excuses.

    In this case I would go about my weekend and make plans. If he eventually reaches out let him know that you made plans because he never replied back to you.

    Don’t sit around all weekend waiting on him.

    Whenever you do you see him again I agree that you should discuss your preference.

    #737430 Reply

    Tiffany

    I dont think he is being rude. This is his texting ways and I know it… so i just sent another text saying “hey whenever you can please let me know about this weekend” just for myself so I know if I should make other plans or not. I think I did the right thing by reaching out… he gets off work in a while…. if he doesnt reply today or tomorrow I have the right to be upset.

    I’m not making excuses for him but he is actually the worst texter out there!!! He does this with his friends too… he told me he replies mentally or honestly forgets…

    #737431 Reply

    Tiffany

    Oh and as far as an excuse he told me he was busy only because I asked how his week was. He hasnt given me an answer yet for the weekend @Khadija

    #737438 Reply

    lala

    I would never keep my weekend open for a guy who puts in such a lackluster effort. It’s Friday, you should be fully booked by now. Teach him that he has to earn your time, you are giving away your power to someone who has done nothing to earn it yet you jump when he finally gets around to snapping.

    #737446 Reply

    tammy

    Since you are seeing each other for over a year I think it was ok that u sent a text asking about wknd plans. if he replies very late, I think you should not meet him this saturday. ensure u have alternate plans for friday/saturday ataleast. you can tell him you made plans for Saturday since you thought he was busy. you could perhaps then suggest meeting on sunday?

    so he would know that the next time if he wants to see you, he needs to get in touch with you in time to make plans. don’t play hard. or get angry or confrontational. just put down boundaries in a subtle manner. will help you set tone in this relationship.

    #737470 Reply

    Tiffany

    Thanks everyone!

    Thursday is when he replied saying sorry he was busy… and that’s when I asked if he’s working this weekend… nothing..

    Then I texted him again yesterday and said hey please let me know whenever you can about this weekend?

    And still nothing… just super freaking weird! I understand even if he is a bad texter he is being rude at this point… and yes I was looking for some reassurance.. I do have bad anxiety which I realize I need to work on.

    Just weird he’s playing xbox with my buddies and can’t reply to my text? We didn’t leave things on a bad note.. I understand if he wants time to himself though. Our relationship isn’t based off of texting it’s not something we do a lot… this is the first time I’m being ignored by him..

    #737471 Reply

    Tiffany

    Obviously I’ve made plans for my weekend already.. I’m just wondering is he ever gonna text me back it’s been over 24 hours since I’ve asked him about this weekend? And it’s not Saturday… he’s at the gym right now until 11am..

    #737472 Reply

    Sisi

    This does not look good to me… if my BF does this to me, I am thinking he is pulling a slow fade on me….in which case, I would be fine as you can’t force someone to want to be w you

    Good luck and hope I am reading the situation wrong

    #737473 Reply

    Tiffany

    Yeah…. idk it’s weird. I don’t want to think about it like that..

    #737492 Reply

    Becky

    Tiffany

    This looks like his interest is somewhere else- and I agree with you that he has been rude to not respond. When you hear from him, I would not respond to him for 24 hours and see how he likes it. Not cool.

    #737498 Reply

    Jaden

    Any response yet?

    #737503 Reply

    Tiffany

    It’s funny I actually do police work as well as he does. He is in the academy like I said it’s very stressful. So often times I’m tired too and don’t want to talk to people for days… so I know I am understanding when he doesn’t want to text back but because I had asked him about this weekend and no response… I had basketball tickets given to me if him and I wanted to go… that’s why I double texted him…

    But no response still. Like I’ve said he’s done this before. I know he obviously still likes me, I guess I just wanted to go to the game with him tomorrow. And was pushing it and seeing him online in Facebook was hurting my feelings.

    He doesn’t have to reply to me…. although it’s rude. I’m giving him his space. And he will probably end up texting me today or tomorrrow and I’ll hold off for a few hours..

    #737504 Reply

    Tiffany

    Better off single… you’re right I made this a bigger deal than it should’ve been.. now that im busy myself I could care less lol! The last couple days I really had too much time on my hands and thought about it too much which sparked my anxiety..

    Back story: we actually broke up a while ago bc of school and we are back together (he imitated not me) he begged for me back. And now 5/6 months later here we are. Everything is fine like I’ve said this is how he texts I honestly don’t think he does it to be rude

    Thank you to everybody who replied and helped me I’m grateful for you all!

    #737512 Reply

    Newbie

    Altough i do think he was a bit rude not responding to your text about the weekend, im glad you can handle it. There is not much more you can do for now except to take a real handsome man to the basketball game. If youre a year in but with a break, you should take some time to view how serious he is. There are good articles on this site about gauging a man interest, like making future plans etc. Dont sweat it for now and have a fun weekend

    #737519 Reply

    Tiffany

    Thank you! I don’t think he’s losing interest at all. This is just how he is and I think I’m going to have to accept it. Before we got back together we even talked about it!! There’s just not changing him… everybody has their one bad thing in a relationship. His is texting…. I’ll call him later this week.. thank you all!

    I’m not taking any other man with me!! I have a boyfriend lol!

    #737521 Reply

    Sisi

    I think you are quite crazy, to be honest…

    You think a man not responding and have you sit around on a Saturday waiting for him to decide what to do is ok?

    #737525 Reply

    Tiffany

    Thank you for calling me crazy! A bit rude dont you think?

    I am not waiting around on a Saturday I am hanging with my family all day tomorrow and today. I’ve said this is his texting habits and I have to get used to it again… which is not a bad thing. He has to adjust to some things with me… thats besides the point.

    i usually dont mind but this time i had asked him a question… first strike. it did bother me, but not anymore… he will get back to me when he can.

    Thank you to everybody commenting on here! I am ending my post thanks :)

    #737607 Reply

    lala

    I’m sorry but this is not a relationship. A man who cannot be bothered to answer a text for days on a regular basis is not into you and you are allowing yourself to be a doormat by opening your legs for him when it’s convenient for him to acknowledge you. I think you know his which is why you are posting on this forum. Please find someone who is excited to communicate and be with you bc this guy is showing you he isn’t.

    #737611 Reply

    Sisi

    Op – maybe “crazy” is not the best word, but you are madly in love w this man that you can’t see the reality…

    If he has time for FB, for Xbox, for gym, andbhe does not have time to text you back? Does that sound logical to you?

    The only reason he did not text back is because he does not want to spend the weekend w you..

    You ought to wake up and see things for what they are

    #737612 Reply

    Sophia

    Tiff-
    I think you’ve got your head on straight. Normally posters on this site will advise to accept the person as they are or move on. Seems like you are happy together except for his poor texting, and are ok with it, so no need to move on.

    I would advise you differently if it drove you crazy, and/or you sat around waiting to hear from him. That’s an issue. This one instance bothered you but you got over it, and have a day of activities planned.

    I’m sure you’ll talk with him about it at some point. This is a molehill. Have a great day!

    #737628 Reply

    Lane

    Tiffany, this is something you are going to have to adapt to. His priorities at the moment are on his Police Academy training and I think you need to back off a bit and give him the space to talk when he’s ready to talk and plan when he’s ready to plan due to these circumstances.

    There’s nothing wrong with asking your SO about their day! I do agree it can become mundane if asked too much when they know how your days generally are or at the wrong time such as when you know their engaging in a task or activity when you send it. I love my BF but when I see that text many times I don’t want to answer because it has the tendency to keep going when I’m busy, engaged in something or not in the mood to engage in chit chat so I ignore it until I’m available, have time, or ready.

    He like you becomes anxious when I pull back like this but it has nothing to do with him at all, its that I don’t have any more to give at the moment and need space to regenerate when I’m emotionally tapped (overwhelmed). It does pass quicker if you give him the space and room to get through it and highly suggest you pull back too, make your own plans and wait for him to step back in and fill the space when he’s ready to do so.

    Humans are complex and not always good at communicating in the best way to reassure someone else especially when they are going through something themselves. I didn’t realize how my ‘pull backs’ were affecting my BF, like yours is with you, until he told me and since then I use a code word “in the weeds” which is my way of telling him I’m going through one and he now gives me the space I need until I’m ready to re-engage.

    Just talk to him about how it makes you feel anxious when he doesn’t respond; that he doesn’t have to respond right away but he at least acknowledges you within a reasonable time such as 1 – 4 hours (based on what his day or schedules like). We don’t always know how people feel unless they tell us, so he may not know or thinks you’re OK with it if you say nothing—men aren’t mind readers.

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