Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › He’s placed another woman above me (it seems)
- This topic has 14 replies and was last updated 1 year, 10 months ago by
T from NY.
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Natalie
Started dating a guy. Very early stages. The other night he tells me about his female pal (34 y/o attractive red head, broadway dancer who is a virgin). He and I was on face time talking away. Then he brings up his best pal, saying she is a virgin and was scared to meet a guy! I was confused to why he randomly brought her up (as he seems to constantly name drop her in conversations and I’ve never met her or even know her). Anyways I think he could tell by my face as I sat quiet while he was laughing that she’s a virgin. I said to him, I don’t see why he’s bringing her up as I don’t know her, and I personally don’t believe she is a virgin. He then came straight out with “she is my best pal, and if you have an issue with her, me and you won’t work”
Totally unprovoked comment which took me completely by surprise as I never once said I had any issue, however, it then made me feel like she already has a power over our relationship and if I have any issues in the future, I’ll be chucked. Feels like he’s prioritising her over me and that makes me feel second best.
I’ve created space between us, because I don’t know if he’s got underlying feelings for her. He does text her every day and meets her every 3 months for nights out.
Background: he’s known her for 9 years and his temperament with women? Well he follows hundreds of only fans girls online and claims he’s single but if we get into a relationship he will unfollow these types of girls.
I already feel like he’s disrespecting me and worrying he’s got underlying feelings for his pal.
I just wanted feedback on this. Am I being silly? Should I be worried? Am I best to leave this situation for a man that will make me feel secure and prioritise me.
Rubi
If he wanted to tell you about his female best friend there are way better ways. Isn’t this a turn off already? He is so immature. Why do you want to continue?
Raven
If it smells of fish, there are fish involved…
Amy S
He follows hundreds of only fans girls ? Is
That not worse
Than his best friend being a girl.Nellie
Why did you not think that she’s a virgin?
Natalie
Nellie – I genuinely have no real reason to believe other than she’s a pretty, 34 year old girl. Maybe she is a virgin, however if they have been best pals for 9 years as he claims, why would he just find out this fact now?
Just genuinely don’t believe she’s a virgin, however maybe she is and I’m just very sceptical.
AngieBaby
He’s immature as hell and you know it already.
This is supposedly his good friend and drops her into the conversation, seemingly to make you jealous. Sounds like he thinks he gets some kind of status from being friends with her. He’s laughing behind her back that she’s a virgin. REAL nice guy (sarcasm). Follows a bunch of chick types but says he’ll stop if he gets into a relationship. Doubtful.
Please trust your gut instincts, which are very obviously telling you to throw this fish back in the sea and remain open to someone who has respect for his friends and treats a lot you better.
Maddie
She may be religious, have anxiety around sex or mental health issues, be asexual, or be gay. There’s lots of reasons she may choose to be a virgin. What I want to know is why you think it’s okay for some random guy to be blabbing his “best friend”‘s secrets all over the place? Every aspect of your post is a reason you can’t trust him. You can’t trust him to respect you or your privacy even if things got serious, so why are you still giving him the time of day? I don’t think whether or not he has any hidden feelings for her or that they’re friends matters at all. What’s important here is what information this gives you about his character… and it sounds like he sucks.
Mary
Yes – you would be wise to leave.
Julie Thomas
I would leave! Leave now before you fall harder for this man. I had a guy do the same thing…put his ex in almost every conversation. I td him it hurt me…what did he do…bring it up again! It ruins your mental health…please leave.
tammy
i agree with Angie and Maddie. firstly if he is very good friends with the other woman, he shouldn’t be discussing her sexual/private life with you. And i really don’t think what you said was offensive or anything. he got into a conversation with you about his friends sexual life and you just shared your view.. if he can discuss his friends sexual life with you, then he opened that can and let the worms out. as you said, early days. you can walk away.
Lilly
Run now 🙏 I went through the exact same thing I mean the very same! He declared his undying love for me and swore he would break off all contact ( this was said to her face with me present) Background: she came to my home in a skimpy Halloween costume to ask him what he thought:? Virgin! I think these women are bunny boilers!
Well that was a show put on for me.
All he did was create secret accounts and meets behind my back. Onlyfans is more about a need for personalised fantasy that will never be satiated and WILL LEAD TO MORETrust me please I have lived your life and this is a view of your future, we have a child together so I am stuck.
Don’t do the same please it is not your fault he does this it is his mine spoke the same way about his interests too they think they are throwing you off scent!Rua
You know there is a woman i follow, her husband cheated on her and she left him. She always says: i wont be the cause of sadness or insecurity of other woman. I believe that this type of people make it intentionally. Ive been in both sides. I had a very close friend in job and we tried to eat together most of the times. Some people made rumors but our friendship remained. He is married with one kid and he always talks me of his wife and kid. I ask him things about her and the baby and i tried to be kind with her when i met her. We talk sometimes by message but i understand my limits and he also put his limits like the time when he can answer and in the group he always made clear that his wife is priority, like when everyone was organizing some drinks after work he always was the type of my wife is waiting me. I disnt go bc i dont drink. And ive introduced him to my boyfriend. I think your boyfriend must set limits and this girl must also respect the time when he is with you. Not just continue monopolizing time just bc think that you may be independent. I know a girl in work that she is single and new in the city and the boss kinda make the other people eat with her, go out with her even after work. Could be that some people feel responsible for this type of lonely people. In the other side, ive been in a nightmare with my boyfriend bc of his best friend. This makes me to be even more respectful with my friend and his wife, bc i know how molest can be. This girl seems to be an ex, this i had to ask seriously to my boyfriend bc before he didnt told me. The point is this girl is super liberal, left her husban bc was not satisfied sexually, and had some romances and now is living with the husband again but she want open relationships. And this week my bf just invited her to home. She writes him almost 24h a day, and i just accepted it bc she had a crisis this year. But thats too much is not responsability of my boyfriend. Its not normal for me that he has to attend her and dedicate even more time than for me. And when i met her she was kinda rude, i dont see myself leading with her all my life.
Raven
Please refer to my other comment…
T from NY
Sometimes the act of writing into this forum is just a concrete way for your inner voice to speak to you. You know he’s not the one. He’s shown it
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