He ditched me, how do I handle this?

You already told him you were disappointed, so the only way you let him know that isn’t acceptable is not to respond when he contacts you until he apologize. You show him by action, not by words. If he doesn’t apologize, I think you will have to close the door completely.

Yes we are sleeping together. We met on an online dating site. We are both late 30s-early 40s.

My text was “I’m a bit surprised and disappointed.” This is not something he has ever done before, so that’s a total understatement!

I asked him out on the next night because it was on MY terms and that’s what I wanted.

Like I said, I don’t expect to hear from him again, but if I do, I want to know how to handle it, (IF I get an apology, which is about as likely as hearing from him again).

I’ve met some of his close friends, he’s met mine, things seemed to be going well. This wasn’t the first time we’ve talked about going to that B&B in the mountains, so I’m at a total loss as to what happened here.

Men on dating website all think they have 6 million women to rotate, and they are partially right for thinking so thanks to those women who invest too soon too quickly..

I am not a fan of holding back sex as a means to gain power, but w online dating, that is a must, if you want to weed out guys who is only out there playing the field

I still haven’t heard from him. We are friends on Facebook, and he has only posted one video from a news story, hasn’t responded to any posts or added any friends this week. The dating site we met on shows the last time the person was active on the site, and while he used to be on daily, he’s only checked in Sunday and last night.

Other than cancelling last minute on me last Saturday, I would chalk all this up to him being incredibly busy at work, I know there are major deadlines he’s working with and his job is very intense and requires a lot of focus. If he hadn’t ditched me last weekend (and going some place we had just talked about going together) I would just think that he’ll get ahold of me when he can. But because he DID bail on me, and hasn’t offered an explanation or even texted to say hi, that makes me think something (at least in his mind) happened that freaked him out or turned him off.

I still haven’t reached out to him, but to be honest, this is killing me. I miss him, we had such fun together, some stories I had told him have had updates that I’m dying to share with him, and I really want to understand what happened. I feel like I’m under strict orders from everyone (my friends, here, relationship articles) NOT to contact him first, but I feel like this is such a stupid game. On the other hand, I don’t want to send him the message that it will always be ok to ditch me last minute.

While I know it’s easy to tell me to “just move on” or “next time…” but that’s a lot easier said than done, especially for someone like me who feels the need to understand something deeper than a lot of people would. What would happen if I texted? Even just “hello”? What message am I sending? I probably should just forget it, but I can’t just yet, so any other insights or advice other than the easy to say but harder to do move on or forget it statements would really be appreciated. Thanks.

Also, Ivy is assuming he ditched you to go to the mountains with his friends. Is it possible he went to the mountains with another woman?

sorry for not giving you anything beyond the move on statements. If you want to reach out once, and I mean once, then do it. But really think about if you need him to actually reject you more. Also, think about what type of man who likes you and wants to invest in you – cancels last minute on a sat and disappears until thursday. They don’t.

Juliette, unfortunately my need to understand things deeper is not just in my romantic life. It’s how I operate. Even in my professional life, if I have a suggestion to improve something and I’m given just a ‘no’ answer, I need to know why the answer is no before I accept it fully. I guess I’m just wired that way, and sometimes it’s been a blessing and a curse!

In thinking about it over the last few days, I have a theory of what happened. I wonder if I just mentioned plans about new year’s eve or upcoming events too much and it freaked him out. He may have misinterpreted it as getting too attached or fearing I already thought we were a committed couple (I’d like to be but I know it’s too soon).

That’s one of the main reasons I’d like to contact him, I want to see if my theory is correct. If it is, it’s an easy fix. I tend to move to quickly in relationships and it sounds like I may have done it again. If nothing else, I’d like to know so that I can learn from it.

If I contacted him and asked to see him for a short time so that I could clear this up, is that still sending the message that it’s ok to ditch me? I’m not asking to see him with the idea that we’ll still see each other, more like being able to close the door and know why.

Thanks Juliette. I know it seems like I refuse to see what’s right in front of me, and I am in a way. I don’t want to accept it. This was such a 180. I can only be responsible for my own behavior, but I would like to at least learn what I did to contribute to this situation. Maybe I can learn to do things differently the next time. I know this is beating a dead horse, but any advice on what to say? ;-)

Sometimes it is nothing that a person has done that causes a guy to do this. It is far far far more common than you might realize. The only thing you could have done differently really is not to be sexual as soon. Keep that underwraps until you are exclusive with him. It sounds hard, but it is so worth it when it comes to protecting your heart.

Question for you, how many guys have you dated that you have met online?

TB – or should I say Anonymous, you’ve changed your post name all of a sudden – this is a really hard thing to go through and it must feel devastating right now.

However, it’s not a “stupid game” not to contact him. If you think it is, then you’re thinking too much like a girl and interpreting boy behavior through the girl glasses will always get you into Crazytown. You have to understand how men think and act accordingly when you deal with them. He DISRESPECTED you big time. If you reach out to him, it sends the message that there are no consequences to disrespecting you. You would be coming from a position of weakness to contact him. Men place a lot of value on respect/disrespect. It’s more important to them than love.

You were not exclusive so I am unclear as to why you got so attached inside of 7 weeks, but you have so…

I want to be as KIND and UNDERSTANDING and SUPPORTIVE as possible here… you say you have a deep need to analyze. You acknowledge it gets you into trouble. OK. Then just ignore the advice here and analyze to your heart’s content. I’m not being snarky, I mean it. We are trying to tell you how we see it, but if you don’t want to take the advice, that is fine. Call him, go right ahead, and let us know how it goes. You seem to have a plan that makes sense to you to contact him, so go for it. I don’t want to upset you by telling you to drop this and walk away or learn from this so next time you don’t get in this position.

Great point Lylah.

When mine says let’s do something this week and doesn’t ‘lock it in’ then its a MAYBE so I don’t plan for it! However, if he say’s let go out on Friday I’ll give you a call to let you know what time I’ll pick you up, then its ‘locked in’ and he will pick me up on said date at said time.

Agree with the ladies here. Men are very simple to understand, whereas if their interest wanes its because: 1) aren’t ready to give up their freedom; and/or 2) don’t envision a future with you. I know it sucks when you really like a guy, but I’m sure you’ve done it to guys too—same concept and no amount of explaining will change it.

Good point TB.

I’m of the mindset that the guy needs to be far more into you, than you are him, for it to really go anywhere. My dad thankfully taught me this at a very early age and it helped to eliminate a lot of the angst and frustration that so many ladies on here deal with. With my (now ex) husband it took me over 5 months before I realized I had fallen in love with him and finally said it back where he professed to me by the 1st month! I turned down his first proposal near the 6th month, and made him wait for another 2 years before I we finally married as I wanted to make absolutely SURE this was the guy I was going to have kids and invest a future with.

Patience is key when dating.