Friend keeps flirting with the men I am interested in or dating


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This topic contains 12 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Emily 1 week, 5 days ago.

Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)
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  • #933440 Reply

    Emily P

    Hi, I’ve got this problem. I wonder if I could have some advice please.

    I have this friend, who every time I’m interested in someone or start talking to a man, she begs to know all about them and says she “roots for me” to my face, says “you’ll have beautiful babies together” and encourages me to go after them.

    Then behind my back, she will go after the man too. She will literally throw herself at him in a desperate way. If she succeeds in seducing him or gets him to sleep with her, she rubs it in my face. When I confront her about it, she tells me I’m imagining things and calls me insecure. But she’s gone for the same men as me many times now, even if she’s already dating someone. And it’s all been behind my back.

    I’ve found out she made up negative things about me and told the men I’m interested in those things while she was talking to them to make me look bad. She ‘jokes’ about “stealing my men” all the time. Why does she do this? How do I get her to stop trying to “steal” my male attention?

    Thank you.

    #933443 Reply

    Tallspicy

    Nothing. End the friendship. This is no friend.

    #933444 Reply

    Tallspicy

    Oops, you do nothing to stop her.

    #933445 Reply

    Emma heart

    @tallspicy thanks, I have actually confronted her about it before and she plays dumb. She always blames it on her being drunk, or says there’s “nothing wrong” with her “just adding him on social media.”

    #933446 Reply

    M

    These are not the actions of a friend, this is what an enemy would do to you.

    You ask, why does she behave in this way? My guess is she probably had a highly dysfunctional upbringing and she’s wired this way now to avoid deep seated insecurities. And she’s totally jealous of you. Jealous in a destructive kind of way. It overwhelms any feelings of care she may have for you.

    Emily, let me ask you this : what are your values in life?
    What character traits are important to you in a friend?
    And what are dealbreakers??

    After you get clear on this, ask yourself, does she qualify to be in my life, or is it best to let her go?

    When you do let her go, in what ways will your life be better?

    If you don’t let her go, what will be the consequences you have to deal with?

    #933447 Reply

    AngieBaby

    Liars lie. And lie some more.

    This girl is what is known as a “frenemy.” DUMP HER. She is not on your side and she is actively sabotaging you.

    Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. Liars don’t care about you, they only care about themselves and they’ll say anything to shift blame. This is BRAIN DAMAGE. Once again… DUMP HER.

    #933455 Reply

    Raven

    End. The. Friendship.

    #933469 Reply

    Eric Charles
    Keymaster

    “If she succeeds in seducing him or gets him to sleep with her, she rubs it in my face.”

    What kinds of things would she do or say to rub it in your face?

    “When I confront her about it, she tells me I’m imagining things and calls me insecure.”

    What kinds of things would you say to confront her?

    #933479 Reply

    Emily

    Thanks @M.

    I know now I shouldn’t have let her do this again after it happened the first time, but my whole friend group didn’t have my back and she was being very open about it so I just “forgave her”. She tried to humiliate me in front of everyone about it, and I defended myself but no one defended me either.

    She really doesn’t qualify as a friend, you are right. I am finishing university soon and she was my housemate so straight after the lease ends, I will just ghost her. She knows what she did and I don’t want some big confrontation.

    @Eric, she said a couple of things. She slept with one man I was talking to and told him I hated him, and then when he came round she said in front of everybody “___, Emily is still in love with you” and laughed. I then defended myself saying I’ve never “been in love with him” and she told me to “shut up you’re being too sensitive.”

    She also used to show me the texts between them and boast about “stealing my man from me.” There were other instances but too many to recount.

    I confronted her when she tried to do it the second time, as her excuse for the first time was that “She can’t help who she likes.”

    I was talking to someone new straight after she humiliated me about the first man and we were going on dates. After she added this new guy on social media, I said “don’t go after the same man as me again.” She told me “what’s wrong with me just adding him on social media? I want to make sure he’s right for you and wanted to see his profile to know all about him before I meet him through you.” And then in the next couple of weeks I found out she had messaged him on social media, and sent suggestive pics of herself. She also told me “He probably only wants to sleep with you anyway.”

    #933482 Reply

    Eric Charles
    Keymaster

    Emily –

    Wow…

    OK…

    And I’m asking this sincerely…

    Why did you describe this person as a friend?

    Can you explain that to me?

    I’m asking genuinely, I want to understand.

    #933486 Reply

    Emily Hart

    @Eric, I honestly have no idea why I kept this woman as a friend. I think it was because no one took “my side” after it kept happening so I thought I must be the one overreacting. Plus she is a very convincing liar and made it seem to me and to others that she didn’t know what she was doing and I was being too sensitive.

    I’ve learnt my lesson now. Gonna block her straight after university and be more careful with choosing friends/ a friend group in the future. She will definitely smear my name after I end the friendship to other people because that’s what she does to people, but I really don’t care.

    #933489 Reply

    Eric Charles
    Keymaster

    It makes sense that you would end the “friendship” with her.

    As for anyone she smears you to…

    Well…

    You’ll find out who your real friends are.

    So you don’t have to worry about that either.

    You don’t have to explain yourself or defend yourself. In fact, it might be better if you don’t.

    This girl isn’t going to stop being the way she is. The truth will come out in time. Not your problem.

    In this immediate moment, this is a nasty problem. In the long run, this was a good life lesson. You learned lessons here, you’ll be better off for it.

    #933504 Reply

    Emily

    Thank you Eric!

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