For those who need help with NC and letting go.


Home Forums Break Up Advice For those who need help with NC and letting go.

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Viewing 25 posts - 101 through 125 (of 1,027 total)
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  • #369207

    Imena

    Thanks for your comment Harley :) Yea, I am trying to do that. If he ever texts I have decided to not reply anymore. I want him to feel that he lost me cause that’s the truth. He lost me indeed. I am tired of analyzing every single word he said or every single action he did even though they felt like love to me. It might have been a lie, so yea, I am trying to get there to the point where I won’t care anymore. So, I won’t react or act on him, just nothing, a total indifference while I move on. Thanks girls for being there and understanding. I love this forum <3

    #369208

    tt

    Imena, i think your mind is made up. he just doesnt seem like a good person and what he’s doing isnt fair. if his love for you was so undeniable he would be with you right now and not just string you along. do not sell yourself short!! he is going to do whatever he know he can get away with. do you want to marry a man like this? have kids with a man like this? i dont think so…

    as for me, i have yet to respond to his text message. i’m still very confused about everything and i think i just need time to myself. but again, its hard to ignore the person you love!

    #369210

    Imena

    @ tt Yea, I know. It is hard to ignore a person you love. I know I have been there, that’s why I allowed him to string me along like this, cause I couldn’t help it. I was so much in love, I think I still am but there comes a point when you realize that something needs to be done. I know it is hard for you to take a step right now cause it really is, but I am sure you gonna make the right decision for yourself. Maybe I am not the right person to advise you since I am in such a messy situation myself, in fact I allowed this to happen to me, so I might not be the right person about this but I think that we all do have that voice inside us called “gut” that kinda tells us what we need to know, but most of the time we ignore since not everything our gut says to us likes us, not everything we hear from it likes us, so I think you know what I mean.

    #369219

    Imena

    And another thing he told me when I told him that you should know whether you can put up with what you feel as red flags in your current relationship for the rest of your life. I told him that if you can out up with them for the rest of your life, that’s great but if you think you can’t then it is not good to waste more time to her and to yourself. He told me he wants to marry only once and that’s why he needs to triple check. It’s like all is about him, how he feels, what he wants to do as if the world turns around him. I know he has a lot of time to decide about getting married since we are both in our twenties, in fact so is she, but still acting like the world turns around you makes you a little selfish I guess. I know his first priority is school cause he is a great student but this doesn’t mean that the rest are not that important to be neglected like that, anyway, I analyzing this right now maybe doesn’t make any sense anymore.

    #369222

    tt

    Imena, just take your own advice. he selfish and a cheater and you know you deserve so much better. go on a few dates, get attention from other guys… it will help you move on and not rely on anything from him anymore.

    #369226

    Imena

    @ tt Yea, you’re right. I know I should stick to my own decision cause that’s the best thing to do. Analyzing about him won’t help me anyway. I will take care of myself now cause really I need to do it. I have to find happiness within me cause that’s the true happiness, the rest will fall into place at the right time. I am pretty sure about this. The Right one will come at the right time, and I will know :) Thank you ! You’re so kind ! :)

    #369258

    tt

    Imena, you know what makes you happy and he is just draining you and not being considerate. focus on something else!

    i still havent text my ex back… i just dont know if i should give him the satisfaction. if i say that i dont hate him and that i’ll be fine, than he’ll be okay and on his merry way. i dont know what to do!

    #369287

    Imena

    @ tt Yea, I know he is being so inconsiderate. I think he was inconsiderate since in the beginning, especially after I told him that I cannot do it, one day when he texted he told me “We are friends for right now and we gonna be together but I don’t know what I am going to do with my gf, and one of the reasons I am not texting much lately is that feelings are still here and I don’t wanna put you in a difficult situation you were before” as if I was asking him to go back there. That was so stupid and just doesn’t make sense at all. Then, some days ago he posted a picture of himself and his gf and made it a profile picture after that. The, after some days he texts me and calls me “babe” acts kind and sweet. It’s just crazy, you know. He texts and then pulls away for days … and then says we’re friends but calls me “babe” and acts sweet and kind. I don’t know but surely this is not for me, so it would be better if he doesn’t text me at all, not now, not in a month, just not so he realizes what he lost.

    Anyway, as for you my dear… I am really sorry you have to deal with it. Yea, I think telling him you do not hate him and that’s okay, will make him kinda happy, but on the other hand, I think by telling him that you hate him will still make hi realize that you still have feelings for him and that’s why you do hate him cause love and hate kinda go together, you know what I mean? Anyway, i think the best thing to do is to not react at all. Maybe, it’s better to not reply back to him and let him worry a little about what’s going on. If he continuous to texts , then I think he deserves an answer. What do you think? :)

    #369292

    Samantha

    I went NC on my ex boyfriend (I ended things 1 month ago and reached out on text a week later looking for a piece of jewelry I thought may have been at his house – still can’t find it sadly) and then this past week he texted and called me asking to meet him for dinner. He broke the NC and then blew me off last night. I DID NOT reach out asking where he chose for us to meet and then realized he wasn’t going to keep our plans. I am back on NC with this jerk for eternity, I pray he leaves me alone for good now. Silence works best for me. He doesn’t deserve anything from me at this point.

    #369313

    Imena

    @ Samantha I am sorry Samantha that you had to deal with such an ugly situation. You deserve better. If silence works best for you, then be silent, go NC and that’s cool. It doesn’t mater what he thinks, what he does, or what his plans are, just doesn’t matter. You do what makes you feel good and treat yourself as a princess that you are. Happiness is an inner state that only you can give to yourself, nobody else. I know this is hard to understand cause my story of an heartbreak is scandalous but we have to respect ourselves first and learn from our mistakes. Who cares what the rest think? It just doesn’t matter. You go girl! You move on and do not think about this guy! He does not deserve your thoughts, your time or your feelings just like the guy who broke my heart doesn’t deserve all these things either, so cheer up and move on! It’s the best revenge ! :)

    #369767

    tt

    Hi girls,

    i was wondering if i could get more help with my issue above. so my ‘ex’ text me on Wed night saying “i really hope you dont hate me”

    i responded Friday afternoon with the following:
    me: no, i dont.
    him: this is all my fault. you’re so awesome. i’m the one with the issue that messed all this up
    me: i dont agree. i ruined every single night we were together. i’m sorry.
    him: dont be sorry for having feelings and emotions.

    … if you’ve been following my story (above)… we were together for about a year and he broke up with me. and then after about 6months he came back and wanted to start to causually date. then after about 3 months of that, i wanted a relationship and he wasnt ready… so i said we should just end things. he claimed that he made time for me and that i was important to him, but i just didnt feel that he did. i wanted more from him always. everytime we would go on dates, i was always upset that he didnt want to be in a relationship yet and blah blah (hence me saying that i ruined every night we were together).

    need help. i want him back and i dont necessarily need a relaionship, but i want more time and attention from him and i want to know that this is going somewhere and not just keeping me on ‘hold’.

    #369769

    Harley

    Tt….I can’t give you advice except that I believe you are setting yourself up for heartache. This guy has come back offering you nothing. Stop accepting his crumbs.

    #369874

    Claire

    I’m nearly approaching a months of NC now. I’m still up and down, yesterday i wanted to punch his face in and today I just really want to talk to him and I miss the fun that we used to have. It feels weird having no idea what he’s doing…if he’s making a go of things with the ex faince or not?

    I’ve completed my diving qualification so I guess that’s something to be proud of. I keep telling myself that being single is great. It has opened up a lot of doors for me socially and I could go anywhere or do anything with my career right now if I wanted to. I haven’t got anything tying me down.

    I’m still chatting to guys online. I think a couple of them are getting close to asking me out, but no dates as of yet. I don’t feel that thrilled by any of them to be honest. maybe it’s still too soon.

    I’m in an odd situation at the moment too as one of the guys from the diving school has taken a shine to me and won’t leave me alone. I don’t want to be awful to him as i’d like to join the diving club but he’s becoming a bit OTT. He messages me several times a day and calls me frequently now. He’s been telling me he thinks i’m gorgeous and that I have a great figure. It’s all very flattering but the problem is he’s old enough o be my Dad and as far as I am aware he is married! I really like him, but friends is as far as it goes for me. he doesn’t seem to want to give up though and is in touch with me all the time.

    I’m usually quite positive but just feeling bit crappy at the mo. I’m sure it’ll pass. I just want to stop thinking about my ex. I don’t know if that’s going to happen though until I meet the next guy.

    #369888

    Harley

    Hi Claire. Avoid old guy as much as you can….or get the courage to tell him you are not in the market for romance. Take ages to reply to his texts..Make up a bf if you gave to.

    I can honestly say I did not get over Mike until I met Frank. .like you…had no Interest In dating others.

    It will happen when it’s meant to…and you have healed fully.

    Keep up the good work and NO contact t.. Each day it gets easier.

    Thinking of you.

    #369930

    Claire

    Thanks Harley,

    How are things going for you now? X

    #369932

    buttercup

    I’m feeling it this week too.

    I wont contact. No need to, there’s no point. But, doesnt stop me from wondering what he’s up to.

    I have started fancying someone though, so thats a good distraction!

    I really want to be with someone. I dont need to be, but I so miss the love and intimacy.

    Not that I want to use somebody to get over the ex, but to be with someone I really like would just get the ex out of my head properly!

    #369941

    Harley

    I’m good. Still miss him but I know he’s not interested. Back to Germany in 9 days so shall see if he shows his face. ..I’ll live if he don’t.

    Aww B…big hugs. Life sucks. Glad you fancy someone..I know exactly how you feel. .I miss intimacy too this week…must be something in the water !!!

    #369955

    Claire

    My post isn’t posting! Not sure what i’m doing wrong doh!

    #369956

    Claire

    The gist of it was that i’m glad you’re both doing well :) Hugs!!! We’ll get through this.

    I love this quote… There are far greater things ahead than any we leave behind. I have it as a screensaver on my phone. :)

    #369972

    buttercup

    Claire, if a post wont submit you’re probably using a banned word such as

    s p e l l or s w i t c h

    Or any word that contains these words.

    #370333

    Imena

    Hey, girls I need some help here. I told you my story (if you still remember it). This guy and I went NC and it lasted two weeks before he broke it and sent me a message, “Did you forget about me?” I didn’t reply at first then after awhile I did and from time to time we could be sweet sometimes till we went to the point when we got so close again. I didn’t want it though cause he is still with someone else but you know sometimes you just lose it, anyway he told me that we should be careful cause his situation has not changed yet and that he doesn’t want to hurt me cause if he does this time he will blame himself. I told him that I didn’t ask him to be mine by being sweet but if that bothered you then I am sorry for causing you to feel this way. He couldn’t help but text and text till he stopped doing it today. I don’t know what this all means. He says crap like “I know this is hard for both of us based on how much we love each other but our situation is still complex cause my situation has not changed yet”, then he is the one who initiates and texts all the time, even all day long if you reply. Can you help me with this? Does this mean that he is weak to make a decision or what? Does this mean he loves her more? Or that he is a total mess? I’m going crazy!

    #370334

    Harley

    Imena.. simple.. HE IS USING YOU. STOP texting him.. get rid of him. he wants YOU AND HER.

    SEE him for the slimeball, scumbag he IS !

    #370352

    Imena

    @ Harley Yea, I know he wants me and her. He is not choosing me cause I live miles and miles away so I cannot be as available to him as she is. On the other hand, he loves spending time talking and sharing with me. But still keeping it crazy like that.He’s such a mess. I don’t even know whether he really has feelings for one of us or not. He’s so selfish. Anyway, it’s just my head is a mess and I have the tendency to get lost in over-analyzing and over-thinking , but who wouldn’t considering how messy this is??

    Thanks friend!!

    #372153

    Marie

    Hi,
    I’m new to this site and first time ever publishing publicly. I can relate to ttt. Pretty much almost identical in the way she behaved and her guy behaved…I behaved like ttt and my ex guy behaved as hers did, not wanting to get serious. I always felt he wasn’t really ‘there’ for me. He started pulling away more and more and I got clingier and needier by the day/week ect… I didn’t expect to like him as much as I did. In my head, he was a catch. In his head, obviously I wasn’t since he broke up with me and said there is a fundemental difference between us with me wanting more than he can give me and him not wanting anything serious. He came out of a divorce last October that did a number on him, but he’s also picked the wrong women in his life, at least the last three and more further down his past have been these loser girls that were either a closet alcoholic that turned into a drunk that he finally caught on to (as well as she cheated on him twice) to the second wife, where she cheated on him with her boss and the marriage lasted six months, to the most recent relationship of his with his ex-wife who they were together for one a half years, got married, lasted two months, she begged him back, they had sex for three months, and he gave her the boot. (He gave her the boot because he found out that her cell phone and her condo was in another guy’s name). He had a nervous breakdown last December, didn’t show up to work for weeks, just shut down. He’s being going to counseling, grew from the experience, but yet has sooo much growth more to go with how he treats women. I feel as I’m typing, I’m making excuses for him…. Story short, we met at work, mutual attraction, started dating like the ‘ttt’ situation, I was ready for something more in some ways (was immature with my clinginess too tho) and he backed up as soon as we got a little closer. It’s been three months since the break up and the longest NC I did was a recent 18 days before texting him. I’ve been in contact with him really every week or week and a half, always me contacting him. He did call three weeks ago, needing help for unemployment (needed advice). We talked for 30 minutes. I def sensed he had put up a wall of ‘never going there/letting myself get close to her again’ because obviously he does not want me back. He said ‘you are my friend, I can call you my friend,’ it’s like he was reassuring himself. When I expressed I wanted to hold on to him as a good male friend, I guess my voice was a little emotional/reflective that I still had feeling for him, he was like not letting it pierce in him. But yet he then mentioned twice the ‘you are my friend.’ Since it had been a good, first positive talk since the breakup, I asked him for a favor a couple days later and he ignored my texts. Went into NC for 18 days, then I reached out again and he blew me off. Reads my texts fairly fast, mostly right away, and will reply only to non-emotional stuff (if it’s just casual chatter/no where near the ‘relationship’ area). I’m back in NC, day 3

    #372154

    Marie

    I guess where I am today is that after the text (after 18 days), I had texted him so photos of a wine-tasting in his old neighborhood that he loved/lived for a decade there) as well as a couple pics of me (finally) looking good/happy and said in that text that we should do dinner, my treat, or watch this movie he had always wanted to see (we loved watching movies). He read the text, never replied. I got once again really hurt, cried, texted him two days “Please don’t ever contact me again.” He read that one immediately (faster reads than last few times I texted) and didn’t reply. Then out of rage, hurt, sadness, I texted him three days later saying I was going to be attending an event at his work place (he’s a diving instructor and they were having a drink and paint night–painting something underwater) that looks fun. Colleague of mine is a longtime diver and wanted to go. But after more soul digging last night, I cxl going (sent her an email), I’m just uncomfortable seeing my ex/forcing him to see me at his workplace. Truth is, I still would like a second chance and haven’t given him up completely inside me. So it’s not healthy/right for me to impose on him at his annual event as much as I’d like to see him (he’s refused to see me since the breakup, always says we’ll get together and seems to mean it because there’s a bond, but never does anything pro-active about it). He thinks I’m still going (next Saturday night is paint/drink event at the diveshop). Should I let him know I’m not going so he can feel more at ease (thinking he might be stressing, or uncomfy with knowing I’m going inside of himself) or should I just not say anything and he’ll see that I’m not there. I did send him a text on Thursday (today is Sunday) saying I was going with a colleague and was letting him know out of respect/courtesy so he wasn’t surprised and that I would be civil/nice so no worries, and wanted to give him a headsup since it’s his workplace livelihood. He read that text immediately and replied, OK thanks. What do you guys think I should do…. a) go? i don’t think i should, i would rather see him in person for even a casual friend talk then me pushing myself into his world. Would have been nice if he initiated wanting to see me as he has mentioned numerous time ‘we’ll get together and have a beer.’ b) Let him know I’m not going so he can ‘relax’ and not worry (don’t think i should be that kind to him since he never is anymore to me since breaking up, c) don’t say anything and let him figure it out why i no-showed. Advice?

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