Ask A Guy: Why Did He Vanish? post image

Ask A Guy: Why Did He Vanish?

I recently met a guy out of the country and I thought we hit it off. I visit the country often and plan to return in a few months. I hung out with him the last 2 days before I left so I didn’t get to spend that much time with him. The last time I saw him we discussed him coming to visit me as long as I got time off from work. And it was all his idea to come visit me not me. We also said that we would keep in touch through messenger. FYI- he and his ex girlfriend (first and only girlfriend) were together for 6 years and they broke up last year in March. According to his family (we met through our families), she treated him really badly and controlled his every move. She took advantage of his niceness. He also briefly told me about her and she sounded a bit psycho, but I believe they still keep in touch.

It’s been 2 weeks and I haven’t heard from him. I texted him last week and never heard back. I also emailed him a few days ago and included a pic we took and I still haven’t heard from him. I’m no longer going to bother making my effort because he obviously isn’t but what do you think happened???

Read our guy’s response after the jump!

Honestly, I don’t think there’s any way of knowing what’s happening with him. I mean – if you live in separate countries, that’s definitely a “long-distance relationship.”

But I can understand where you’re coming from… One minute he’s in touch with you, then all of a sudden he’s gone without a trace. No explanation, no understandable reason… and you’re left with your head spinning, wondering what’s what.

Well, I’m going to tell you something that I have realized in my own life in cases like this. And that is: you don’t know and there’s no way that you’ll be able to. Sure maybe you have connections who can fill you in… or maybe you have some way of getting a clue from looking at something he updates (Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, etc. etc.)

The bigger issue here is your own mental/emotional state. You’re confused, you’re worried, you’re upset. These emotions are all understandable when someone you care about disappears. But again, if you can’t do anything to find out, the unfortunate fact is that you’ll just have to wait until he pops up again. And I expect that you will handle the situation in the appropriate manner once he does. In most cases, that means listening to what he has to say… and if his excuse is anything short of becoming a prisoner of war… you verbally tear his head off. That’s the way these things usually go down. :)

The one thing I can really recommend is to remember that there’s no way of you knowing what’s happening and there’s nothing that you could have done and can do, so focus on accepting that the situation is out of your control and that you will handle it appropriately when it needs to be, but you will enjoy yourself in the meantime. This is not your fault… it means nothing about you, about who you are or about what you did. It’s just what the situation is and there’s nothing you can do about it because there’s no way you can know.

And frankly, it would be a waste of time to try and play detective. There’s no benefit to putting yourself through that agony (this situation actually reminded me of the last From Heartbreak and Back submission). My opinion (and just as a reminder, this is all just my opinion)…  is that you should focus on enjoying your life. Don’t sacrifice enjoying your life to wait for answers in this case.

– eric charles

Written by Eric Charles

I'm Eric Charles, the co-founder and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing articles to help people free themselves from suffering and have clarity in their love life. I have a degree in Psychology and I've dedicated the last 20 years of my life to learning everything I can about human psychology and sharing what gets people out of struggling with life and into having the life they really want. If you want to contact me, feel free to reach out on Facebook or Twitter.

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That novel sounds fau#0ous&b823l;I totally want to read it!Feel better, missy….I had my horrible bout with sickness recently, too. Sending you virtual chicken soup!

Reply March 9, 2017, 3:08 am


I just started talking with this guy, we meet on the Internet, we Skype every day and night, we send each other picture, he even Skype me when he is in the shower. This time we plan our first date at the movie and we watch train wreck, he was really romantic, he picked me out from my house and carry me back home after the movie and he even kissed me and said he will call me for our next date but since that day I have not heard from he, I text he, he never replied, I called he, he never answer, I Skype he, he never answer, I feel very quilt right now.

Reply July 27, 2015, 6:05 am


Add me to the list of people this happened to. We’ve been an international long distance couple for 8 months (knew each other for 6 months before getting together) and suddenly, after an awesome online date recently (hey, you do what you have to do when you’re long distance!), he stopped talking to me without any explanation whatsoever. I’m stunned. I’m not overly clingy and definitely not needy; in fact, my life is great! I’m just sad that he’s suddenly become so distant with no red flags – even our friends are all shocked and convinced he must just be freaking out. Maybe it’s true, maybe it isn’t. Either way, I’m just going to keep living my awesome life and hopefully, he’ll contact me soon. If not? I’ll cry my tears and move on. I deserve awesome and it’ll be his loss more than mine. My best to all of you with similar stories! :)

Reply August 22, 2012, 7:10 pm


I have been the guy in a similar situation. We had dated for a while, broke up and then kept in touch until we found ourselves living in the same city seven years later. I had moved back into town and on the first day in town, she asked me to dinner (which was great) and then she invited me to come back to her place. On the way back to her place, she revealed that she would be out of town for the summer and that she was actually leaving the next day! I could not believe that she had not mentioned this before asking me to come back to her place. After learning that she was going to leave, I wasn’t sure how far I was willing to go physically, but she kept insisting that I sleep in her bed and we eventually ended up making out, but she wasn’t at all into it. I figured she had been looking for a one night stand and I wasn’t living up to her expectations – I felt pretty rejected. Then she drove me to work the next morning and texted me three or four times the next day. After she left, I tried calling her a few times and vice-versa but she seemed to be insulted by a seeming lack of interest. Of course I was interested in her, but I was completely put off by her neediness and I also couldn’t believe that she thought I would want to immediately start a long-distance relationship after just one date. After summer was over and she moved back into town she treated me horribly, texting me at 3 in the morning to hang out, but never actually following through on daytime or even evening-time plans. I ended up showing up at a bar that she had invited me too (after telling me that I should no longer come) and tried to confront her about it, but she just acted like we were long-lost friends. I could not believe that the lines of communication had been completely cut off. What a waste of my time and hope!!! Maybe some of you made it clear that you were OK with a one-night stand but secretly wanted more. Some men are looking for girls that want more than a one-night stand and if you’re that type of girl you need to make sure that he knows it, but don’t expect more if you’re the instigator.

Reply March 31, 2012, 10:11 pm


Same situation here, Ive spend 4 amazing days with a guys living overseas, we kept emailing each other once or twice a week for the next 2 months and then, no answer nothing.
It is worst than saying sorry but i dont like you anymore.. You want to scream, yell abut at the same time, you wish he would write back to you. Well theres nothing else to do but trying to keep yourself busy and trying to forgot him…. So hard to do!

Reply August 29, 2011, 3:38 pm


I’m in a similar situation; things were going great with this guy, and then he stopped responding. So I’m taking the advice given here; I’m going to give him space and live my life. But my question is, how long should I wait before giving up? Is there any kind of rule of thumb?

Reply May 24, 2011, 2:52 am


This guy I was talking to for about a month was texting me for like a week straight good morning how was your day and text me throughout the day and then he just stopped one day so I text him the following day and he talked to me like everything was fine,so twice he scheduled a date and we named the time and place and everything and he stood me up,so on the second time he stood me up I told him we should delete each other’s # because he was holding up my day without even a simple text or call to tell me something came up and he came came back at me all apologetic and said that it was his job and i probably thought he was an asshole and he said he was sorry and please give him another chance so I did and told him if it happens again that i won’t ever talk 2 him again so we finally went out(dinner and a movie) he was nice had good chemistry he talked alot opened the car door and everything and was a complete gentleman and said he would call me and we had to go out again sometime nothing not even a text was received after that so I text him like a week later and just said hey and no response.I wanna know why did this happen and he claimed and acted like he was so into me?

Reply May 25, 2010, 8:26 pm


This story is really creepy! I mean his psycho ex…and first and only girlfriend, dated 6 years…How old is he? I also think that they are in touch now, such a long relation can not be ripped and forgotten fast, especially, if it was first love…Do you really consider him that guy, who you really want to see by your side?…

Reply July 15, 2009, 3:56 pm

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