For those who need help with NC and letting go.


Home Forums Break Up Advice For those who need help with NC and letting go.

This topic contains 1,026 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  ANM Staff 1 year, 11 months ago.

Viewing 25 posts - 1,001 through 1,025 (of 1,027 total)
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  • #400123

    Khadija

    Hey ladies,
    22 days in right now and it’s brutal
    I need words of encouragement.

    #400147

    be

    He just sent me a text, don’t know if I should reply or not?

    #400166

    Rach

    Far out Khadija 22 days must have been so hard! They do say that 30 days is the best amount of time to not contact but I don’t know how ppl can do that! Did you and your bf agree to a certain amount of time? Sorry you may have commented on my thread I find it hard to keep track of who’s who.. Be strong and be proud that you have gone this long. Try to focus on you now and how your life will be without him and how you are okay without him.

    #400206

    Khadija

    Hello Rach,
    He was a guy I dated for two months. I ended up breaking things off because I didn’t see a future and he just didn’t seem that into me. I told him that we won’t be speaking ever again. So, my NC is forever in my mind. I’m hoping after 30 days it will get better. I’ve been going to the gym, yoga, and spending time with my friends. My moment of sadness was sparked because some lame guy kept hitting on me at my friend’s BBQ. While I was falttered ( kind of) it reminded me that it may take a while before I meet anyone that I’d even give a second glance to. I kept looking at my phone and even drafted a message but, I came to my senses and stopped before I did anything I would regret. When I focus on me it keeps those hopeless thoughts at bay. Thanks for the kind words!

    #400344

    Jaylynn

    Ruth,

    Thanks so so so much for that; it was very encouraging and helpful to me. i had a sit down with myself and literally talked to myself about everything, how i can’t change the problem, i can’t change his feelings, and i can’t even really understand my own feelings and desires right now, so all i can do is be patient. i’m somewhere in between angry and sad and hurt, but it truly an indescribable feeling. It’s been only a week since i told him to not talk to me anymore, and it was the hardest week; i was crying and having fits every now and then because i was so upset.

    i am seeing a counselor on a weekly basis and so far it’s helping, but i will have to start going to a therapist who isn’t affiliated with my university because the counselors there don’t have availability for me anymore, which is hard for me all over again.

    today was probably the easiest day for me to get through because i kept telling myself “if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen” and to just be patient. i still check my phone for a text from him; every knock at my door i hope it’s him. i hope it keeps getting easier and the hoping for him to come back will subside.

    for anyone on here who is in my position where you’re actually HOPING to reconnect with your ex eventually, i’m with you on this, and it’s hard to accept the fact to just move on, even when it seems impossible. i believe it’s possible, but as for me it’ll take a long, long time.

    #400689

    Jaylynn

    i’m only about 8 days into this whole NC thing and it’s really sucking for me. it’s not necessarily that i want to text him or talk to him, it’s that i wish he would text me or come up to me to talk. i know it’s best to not talk for now, maybe another week or so (or more), especially since he hurt me, but i still am hoping things can reconnect when (if) we start talking as friends again. hopefully they will or hopefully i can get over it quicker. wish i would hear from him. am i the only one in this boat? can i get some prayer?

    #400707

    Lenore

    I need your support ladies…I’m having a real hard time. WTF is wrong with me? I’ve posted here before…A brief history: dated for 3 months, had the talk, he wasn’t ready, I walked, he came back and told me he needed to get his life in order. We picked up where we left, got in a tif over something stupid (I had the tif but he didn’t stop me), I told him when we started talking again I would let him know when I was ready to date others. Didn’t talk to him for 2 weeks after the tif and texted to tell him I was moving on. No response.

    I broke down and texted him 2.5 weeks ago. He responded as he normally does. Small talk but nothing after that.

    For whatever reason I CANNOT get this guy out of my mind. It’s been 6 months and it’s as if my feelings just continue to grow for him, even without the communication. And it’s not like I’m not trying to move on, I am. I’ve been on a handful of dates and have one lined up this weekend.

    I have been fighting the urge to text him daily. I miss him. I know I made my share of mistakes, and I wish I would have handled things differently. Not to dismiss his role in all this, he’s not innocent.

    A part of me wishes he would just tell me it will never work. Maybe then I will move on if I heard him say those words. But it’s like I know we connected and had something good with potential. So I’m holding onto the possibility of things working out. I know it sounds foolish but it’s as if my love for him has not faded the least bit. I still feel as strongly today as I did 3 months ago. All he has to do is knock and that door will open again….kinda scary knowing how much power he really has….good thing is I don’t think he knows he has it like that, but he does….UGHHH…I hate this!!!!

    #400712

    Khadija

    Hello Lenore,
    I am still a believer that time will help this all pass. I think you are doing great by trying to go out and meet new people. Keep this up!

    Try not to wallow in the what ifs, and live your life in the present. What is done is done. You can’t change the past and you can’t change him either.

    If things are menat to be they will work out but, dont miss out on a possbile future with someone else in hopes that this guy will come knocking. While he may pop back up, it’s rarely to have a future. I’ve noticed that guys come back for the following:

    1. They are bored in their dating life and start scrolling through the phone.
    2. Sex
    3. An ego boost to see if they still got it like that
    4. To grovel and make things right ( notice its on the bottom of the list)

    Keep doing your thing and come here if you need the support. Best of luck to you!

    #400748

    Lenore

    Thank you Khadija!!!

    Now I’m a logical person but I believe in following your gut feelings. Right now I am torn between knowing this is the guy for me in my gut or is it my pride that doesn’t want to let him go? I go back and forth arguing between that we are meant to be together…I can feel it…..to me telling myself I need to let go, which I haven’t been able to. It’s quite frustrating.

    And I agree with your list. This last time he came back, he bent over backwards convincing me that he wasn’t in it just for the sex (things prompted that convo). But TBH it’s so good with him, I will fully admit that the sex is one of the reasons I kept HIM around. lol. I’d like to think he reached out to me because he misses me just still wasnt in the right place to give me the relationship I want. Who knows though? I could sit here and come up with a thousand excuses. At the end of the day, it still stands that we are not together nor are we talking.

    I am a firm believer in whatever is meant to be, will be. I just wish it would happen sooner rather than later.

    #400756

    Khadija

    Lenore,
    Only time will give you the answers to those questions. Whatever, the outcome just know you will be okay.

    I know it’s hard to let go for so many reasons especially if you think he could be the one. If, he is a few weeks away or months will be nothing compared to being together forever.

    For now continue to live your life the best you can because either way time stops for no one.

    #400784

    Jaylynn

    I feel the same way Lenore. My ex and I were always expected to end up getting married and growing old together (even now people still think it’ll happen) and i so so so wish it does. We’ve been broken up for over a year now, but only in the last 2 months did the relationship actually end. He felt things would never be the same and he didn’t exactly tell me he wasn’t intending on dating me anymore, so I was led on and it really, really hurt me; however, a part of me still tells me he’s the one. I’m trying to tell myself the same thing, that if it’s meant to be it’ll be, and for now i can’t change how things are. I miss him so much; he was my best friend, but leading me on also severed that part of the relationship. I hope to hear from him soon either via text or by showing up at my place, but it’s a long shot. everyday feels like I won’t hear from ever again, even though before NC i told him i hope we could be friends later on, but i just don’t see that very much anymore.

    #401364

    Jaylynn

    update on my situation because i just need to vent:

    i had told my ex not to talk to me unless he had intentions on dating me and he said “okay, i’ll leave you alone” and for about a week and a half that was going okay. then yesterday after our 10am class. he came up to me and asked if i wanted to have dinner with him just to talk about life. i already had plans for dinner, so i couldn’t, but after that conversation he texted me real briefly, nothing important or anythng that’s all there’s been.

    so not a big deal, but i’m confused & sort of frustrated about this because he hasn’t texted me or talked to me since yesterday morning & he also broke the whole NC thing when he KNEW he wasn’t suppose to. what does that even mean? i mean i want to be with him again but i don’t want him getting my hopes up like that if he really has no intentions.

    #402974

    Khadija

    Well Ladies I made 30 days of no contact. I’m glad to report that. Although some moments seemed painful and dreadful, I made it through. I had time to write, go out with my girlfriends, go to yoga, hit the gym, and just be at home in my pj’s watching the hallmark channel.

    As for the guy in question, I’m happy I dumped him. He just wasn’t a good match for me and I needed the time away to see that. No, I will not ever contact him and hopefully I won’t be hearing from him again.

    I’ve decided from here on out he is nothing but a distant memory to me. No dwelling,or wishing I had done this or that. However, I will take a lesson from it. I know now that I need to really slow things down when I meet a new man, don’t spend too much time with him, date others to keep the balance and my options open, and just enjoy dating without all the expectations.

    To any future women who read this, life goes on and you’ll be just fine without him. Hugs and kisses.

    #540922

    Linda

    Linda
    I was seeing a man for about 7 months we started off with the sex talk. As time went on we got closer or so I thought . We got really close then he backed right off. I haven’t seen him for 5 weeks as he is busy . So he says.. But silly me for the last few weeks he has not been too busy for phone sex.. Yep I might be slow but , no more contact .. It is so very hard to do . So yes we are ending with sex talk.. And me feeling so very sad that it didn’t go the way I thought it was

    #549853

    Linda

    Hi all . I was seeing a guy for a few months and thing we’re going ok. Then he tells me he only wants FWB , he said that he should have told be.. How can you forget that. I thought I could handle that. It started off slow. Then he started coming over more regular army. We spent 2 night a week together, I started thinking things might change. Anyway 9 months later he has now told me that he is in contact with an old friend that he was seeing for a short time after his marriage broke up. She wanted a relationship he didn’t. That was a couple of years ago apparently. But he wants to see where it goes with her.. Talk about feeling like rubbish waiting to be thrown out.. So no contact for 3 days now. . I want to contact him so much. This hurts , I feel bad he thinks I am disposable.. My fault for going forward with it all…

    #550073

    Broken

    Me and ex been split 4 months largo he came back for 3 days 2 months ago and left again a see had an argument over the phone and he locked me off and told me he wanted to be on his own and I should let him go. The first time he left for the same reason saying he just feels that way and don’t know why. He’s blocked me from everything and doesn’t answer my calls but will reply to the odd msg then goes silent when I mention anything he doesn’t want to talk about. I have been a absouloute mug and been messaging since the day he left up until recently… Asking him back and telling him how much I love him and how great we was to get no response.

    I don’t know how he felt bout me or us if there was any future or why but I was never told to get out of his life and stop contacting him but still like an idiot I keep msging him. I felt so lost I missed him so much and I couldn’t except it’s over. He’s no initiated any contact since we split but would reply to the odd email about himself. Dispite being told by people just move on I’ve still continued and I now realise that if I ever had any chance again it’s ruined by the way I’ve gone on. I’ve told him I love him and I’ll now leave him alone and I’m now starting no contact and will keep to it. I really feel so stupid by it all I used to be stronger than this but I’m going to take it day by day and I hope this pain goes and I start getting better. It’s comforting reading your posts and seeing how well your all doing. Your a lot stronger than me j hope I can do it :-)

    #552491

    Swallowing Pride

    After my break up with this guy, I go no contact for 3 weeks he send messages and ring my phone but didn’t entertain any. I hate the feeling because deep inside of me and with all honesty I still love him very much, I missed him. But the fact that he broke things with me and remembering the bad things that happened instead of thinking of all the good times we spent together, it helped me to pursue the NC and I replied with one of the message and says hello. That’s all. But until now I’m still hurting but lesser than the first day after break up. I also want to get the opportunity to ask you ladies, if dating someone is okay, and the guy you are dating likes you so much but on your part, you are just dating him because it helps you not to think about your ex.

    #552514

    Megan

    Sounds like I’m not the only one dealing with NC! I went NC for three weeks during a break with my boyfriend and it was probably the best decision we ever made. We had rushed into things SO fast that we never ever slowed down. A bit of history, my Dad passed two days before our second date and this guy stuck it out with me. We met each others friends and family, and spent way too much of our free time with each other when we needed to give each other space. Having NC for those three weeks let us get our heads on straight then and it was great for awhile.

    But now he’s bogged down at work and stressed out. We had talked about starting things over a few weeks ago and then he stopped answering my texts. Instead of calling it quits, I’m hoping that by leaving him alone for a little while it will let both of us have that personal space again to figure things out.

    Like everyone else on here it hurts SO much to not see their name pop up on your phone, but take it one day at a time. Time and space heal so many things and for whatever reason you’re going NC for, know that you’ll have the answers you need at the end of it!

    #553040

    Hania

    I hv been in NC for a month and today he came reminding me of my emotions i had for him.

    #577056

    Ashley

    Today is day 15 of no contact.
    My ex and I were together for 2 years- friends for 4. He broke up with me and after the breakup I reached out on two occasions trying to get closure and any kind of answer from him. He continued to give me the, “well we will see what happens” spiel over and over. We sorta kept in contact for a month after the break up. After the last phone call we had and he continued to be so nonchalant about everything and after he said, “Im good with being friends”…I decided enough is enough. I love him- but if he cant appreciate me and everything I have done for him the past two years then good riddance. We both have things of each others- but I have decided to just forget my stuff and replace it. My things aren’t important enough for me to break NC. I said everything I needed to say to him- kept it positive and light each time and don’t feel the need to say anything else. I’m afraid of never hearing from again but he made the choice to leave the relationship and that is what I keep reminding myself.I don’t even know why I want him to reach out- Maybe for him to realize the error of his ways and be an ego boost for me. Who knows- but I am 15 days in and I wont give up on my NC!

    #646435

    lauren

    I am the WORST with this. I can be so strong in other aspects of life but am a complete weakling when it comes to sustaining from texting or liking something of his social media. I suppose this is a reflection of my desire to be loved and get attention from this one person. I feel pathetic. He hasn’t responded in about 2 weeks now, although one of our last conversations consisted of him telling me very politely how great I looked. I don’t know why he completely stopped talking to me and it’s driving me insane. I want answers but I know contacting him again is a mistake. I need help. I don’t want to unfriend him on social media, and I can’t really because my site is tied to work and he is an important contact. Help me not be an idiot!!

    #646437

    lauren

    don’t. Just don’t do it

    #646754

    Lauren

    omg… it looks like he’s starting to date a slutty 21 year old. He’s 36. Yep, that’s gonna drive me bonkers. I think my NC is soon going to “delete from social media” mode. I can’t ignore how upsetting this is. I need a life, haha. #facebookstalker

    #775715

    Andy

    Kat,
    I relate to your post ( and everyone else’s) . My story is similar ( he cheated, we broke up, he promised he would change, he did in some things but not in others. Bottom line I couldn’t trust him even though i loved him so much). My life has been super hectic and busy since the last time we broke up, and we went NC for 6 weeks. I had to find a new place, i work full time and am single mother of two. What i want to say to you is that its weird how simple it looks when its someone elses story, and when its our own story we cant see it clearly at all. I read you and i think: OH MY GOD just let him go already! When someone wants to be with you, they ARE with you. Listen to your inner voice telling you this is not good for you.Start focusing on yourself and find an awsome place and start living YOUR life!!!
    But then i see myself and I know if someone read my story they would tell me the same thing. After he broke NC last week i feel like im right at the beginning again, wanting to text / call/ ask /explain.
    I think the better advice here is to validate whatever phase / feelings you are going through. They are necessary to be able to go on to the next phase. And the next, and the next. Then one day you will finally will be able to honestly take care of yourself first, love yourself and finally follow the path that you know is best for you.

    #775717

    Raven

    Where is the ‘Mod’ when you need ‘em?!

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