Ending my life…


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This topic contains 203 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  SthrnBelle 5 years, 9 months ago.

Viewing 25 posts - 51 through 75 (of 204 total)
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  • #463632

    Ms. Sorrow

    I have no idea that posting here would help a lot. My friends knew about this site and it’s still open on my phone as one of them post a thread here about her situation. I have many break ups and relationships and i come here whenever I need other people thoughts about my situation. But this one is something I think if cannot handle anymore.

    #463652

    CC

    Are you ok? It will get better. I promise. Almost tow years ago a person I thought was the love of my life broke up with me suddenly. For a very long time I could not breath. I had to remind myself each day to eat. I cried all of the time. I could not work. My friends helped but I could not stop the pain. I prayed very much each day and and would use stop thought to move past if I was thinking of him or saying bad things about myself in my mid. It took a long time to feel better and each day i did. Now I don’t think of him at all. If i see a photo of us that I forgot I had I feel as though it was another life. I thought I could not live another minute when it happened but I did and life is better than I imagined now. Please do not harm yourself. Life will always get better.

    #463680

    Miss independent

    Aww poor thing please get help. Hope everything gets better soon…

    #463681

    Hannah

    How are you feeling now Ms Sorrow? I really hope that, even though you feel desperately terrible, that you no longer want to give up?

    You mentioned getting a new job and that’s a positive, forward thinking step to take! It takes a lot if strength and courage to even think of doing anything active when you feel in a mess, so well done!

    While we can help and be there for you as much as we can, actually being able to talk to someone can be so much more helpful. I imagine you have more problems than just this man? I really think counselling or therapy would help, especially if your friends are tired of listening. I had a friend who was sectioned with depression and they taught him so many coping skills and new ways of thinking. It changed his life for the better. So there is always help and hope!

    #463685

    Justme

    Sweetheart please call a helpline. You need a human voice telling you that you are loved and valued and special – because you are.
    My bf of four years ended it yesterday- Im so sad I can hardly stop crying. I read your post and I want to help you. We are better than these men give us credit for. WE are beautiful, we are loved, we are together!!!
    Cmon do this for us please – call a voice or call me. You are loved.
    XXX

    #463764

    Maria

    You were SMART to come here and ask for help. It makes a huge difference when 10-15 women with dramatic personal experiences tell you what they think and what they think might help. Every person would tell you something that others won’t. It is very valuable. I had a very painful experience where I came close to your state and I wish I knew about this forum.

    In my experience friends just say they are sorry and try to make you feel better but they seldom say something that makes a difference in how you look at the situation. Maybe because they, are too involved in a situation. For people from the outside, especially with similar experiences, it is easier to see things for what they are.

    Just keep telling yourself that your future is what matters. You will recover from this one experience and when you look back you will be proud of yourself. I often say that life is a jungle, there are beasts in there, we need to look out for ourselves, we can’t expect people to be nice and decent. Many, often even those close to us, will hurt us, and hurt us badly, so we need to look out for ourselves.

    Come here and post your updates. Do whatever you think might make you feel better. Do not be shy. If calling help line is going to help you, then call. Talk to your relatives, to your family, they will be the ones to really care about you. But above all – try to remove yourself from the painful conditions. Try to move out for 2-3 months if at all possible. Preferably, permanently.

    Think of YOU, and not anyone else, whatever makes YOU feel better – do it. Look after YOURSELF and your interests. Protect yourself. Nourish yourself. You need to heal yourself heal. It is not easy, it will take work on your part.

    Please please keep us posted, give us some updates, so that we know you are better, you are much better already, so inch by inch, you will be getting better every day.

    Love and support to you!!!

    #463765

    Ms. Sorrow

    Hello..I’m quite ok now. Ive been drunk for some time. My mind is totally spinning and heart is breaking. I’m now home. My friend told my sister about it. My sister and niece is here now ,was so desperate when I came here to post. I was holding bottles of different drugs or thinking to cut myself to die. I’ve been crying a lot. My friends keep posting on this forum with their situations. I want to post too two days ago but I don’t know what to say. I was really in trouble. I feel better now, I didn’t read much post but I will reread again today, I know I made you feel worried. I’m sorry.

    #463768

    Stefanie

    What are you going to do now? When you sober up, you need to get on the phone to a crisis line or get to the hospital and get in the process of getting long term support. Drinking won’t solve it sweetheart. We care for you here but we are not professionals and you need professional assistance and possibly medication to get yourself stabilized. It won’t change by itself – you can’t do it alone and we can’t be proper therapists.

    #463769

    Stefanie

    “I often say that life is a jungle, there are beasts in there, we need to look out for ourselves, we can’t expect people to be nice and decent. Many, often even those close to us, will hurt us, and hurt us badly, so we need to look out for ourselves.”

    What a cheery thought, how uplifting… NOT.

    #463814

    Leila

    Dear Ms Sorrow. Please don’t apologize for how you feel or for reaching out to another human being while feeling your pain. You have value, please try to remember that. I’ve been in a dark place where my husband was mentally and emotionally abusive. I’ve been in a dark place where my husband raped me. I had no will to live. Every day that I lived I was in excruciating pain and despair, and I wanted the pain to stop. Then I woke up one day with the will to live. I read an article about a woman who left an anonymous letter attached to a necklace, she left it somewhere and someone found it. She talked about leaving her abuser and finding her own happiness. The letter was her letting go and moving forward. The light went on in my head. I am in control of my happiness. No one else, only me! That was the first day of my new life. At first, I would just get through the day and I would be grateful for still being alive. I started finding ways that I could make myself happy. Each day I would reflect on those happy moments. I chose to leave my husband and I embarked on a journey of raising a child on my own. I still have hard days, but looking back at where I started I am amazed at my journey. I didn’t do it alone. I sought out therapy and I surrounded myself with family and friends who supported me and gave me unconditional love and encouragement. I now live a fulfilling life full of love and happiness. I am in love with an amazing man who is equally in love with me. Every day I am grateful I didn’t give up on myself. Life is a beautiful blessing. It will continue to get better! Only you can define your happiness, and only you can make the decisions to get you there. I know the pain is great, but it is only temporary. We women are amazingly strong, resilient, beautiful creatures! We truly are! No wonder men fall so madly in love with us when we truly learn to love ourselves! Please know that you are loved and surround yourself with people who will support your journey towards happiness and self love. There are amazing women on this forum who will help you with this journey.

    #463817

    SthrnBelle

    Yes, it is great to have support, I often wish when I was in the hospital I had gotten that, no, my family pretty much did not care, my mom did but she is a terribly difficult person who threw fits at me even at the hospital. When you have family that greatly helps. At least I had friends that cared deeply. Still, nothing will replace professional help. That as well as support from family members are really important.

    Now I told you my story about my ex fiancee but January this year my ex husband attempted to kill me. I have tried to have him go away but nothing helped. He was getting more and more mental, as in seriously mental. I survived because I was lucky, I accidentally had my phone in my robe when I ran out in the cold and I could call for help. But no one helped me. The police did not help me. The whole thing turned against me almost and made me financially broke because my ex husband also stole a lot of my money in addition to what it cost me legally to fight.

    He came back here for weeks, he was torturing me, he tried to climb through the basement and at least my mom was always on the phone but she was not willing to come here as she said that I had to go through it alone. I slept every night not knowing if I will wake up the next morning. Fortunately, weeks later at least an investigation started which stopped him but then he abused me at work and tried to harrass me and make moves on me, either clinging to me physically or being aggressive. I felt so relieved when he was out of my life.

    You can survive a lot, more than you think, what has been the most difficult to me is one: when I was betrayed by my ex fiancee and two: how the system does not help victims.

    But I said to myself that no matter what happens being alive is the most important thing and believe me that it is. The process took a toll on me, I have had everything; tonsillitis from a regrown tonsil, gum infection leading to rejection of dental implant, further infection, now since August I have battled with colitis ulcerosa or Crohn flareup. I try but it is hard.

    Drinking is a really bad idea. It may also ruin your stomach, it did mine even though I never drank heavily or all the time. Medication is better. A glass of wine may not hurt but drinking nonstop will make you not be able to think clearly. At a hospital they will not let you drink, this helps. Medication and alcohol can be really dangerous.

    I still urge you to choose help. You are on the road to recovery no matter how long that road is once you recognize that you have a serious problem which will require help. Generally when you escape from the problem and do not seek help, it will only get worse with time or may resurface with a vengeance.

    #463819

    SthrnBelle

    Leila I SOOO agree, until you feel your life is in danger, you do not realize that your life comes first, the survival instinct is stronger than the instinct to reproduce or it should be. Sometimes we do not realize that. I threw myself into life after I was able to not have my ex husband around. People have often said to me, I would never think of you having gone through such things, I only remember your smile, your positive attitude, how you would pull people up and not down. It is your choice how you react to things. I had to live in this house for 9 months after the attack, sometimes I was deathly scared but I fought and moving now. Fighting is not easy, it is much harder than giving up. But when you are severely depressed, you have no will to live. I did not take antidepressants because I was so happy that he was gone, many times I bordered depression of that level that I would have to take meds but I am on antianxiety meds because of fear which is very real. Oftentimes, even lately when realizing that my ex husband drained me and not sure how I will get my finances under control and my whole life again I dreamt of leaving this world but there is always so much beauty in this world, it is only up to us to find it.

    #463824

    Maria

    @Stefanie – you seem to be obsessed with me..oh well, I don’t mind…type all your want.

    #463825

    Maria

    Ms. Sorrow – good to know that you are surrounded by family and friends. Keep it up. Drink if you feel like it. it will get better, day by day. You might go in cycles, up and down, but overall, it will be getting better and better.

    Keep us posted on how you feel and what you were able to do about being in the same building.

    YOU is what matters now, think about yourself, protect yourself.

    #463830

    Max

    Ms. Sorrow, me being a fairly attractive and confident guy who gets attention from women, let me tell you: No guy is worth this!!

    Of course what you experienced is terrible, but people do go through this and they get past it. You have to remember this does not diminish you as a woman or person in any way, and there will be people who will light up your life in ways you never thought possible whom you haven’t even met yet!

    There are dark periods in everyone’s life. Time passes, and so does the darkness. Nobody ends up in life where they thought they would be, but people find beauty and happiness in places they never expected. Keep the faith, and be sure to spend time with family or friends every single day!

    I know you have it in you, and I bet you do too.

    #463969

    Ms. Sorrow

    Hello everyone!
    Stefanie,CC, Maria, SthrnBelle,Michele, Kaye, Phillygirl, Jessica, Miss independent, Hannah,Justme,Leila and Max
    THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT AND KIND WORDS..I feel better now, I reread all your comments just now after I wake up, i feel rested. You have no idea how much you helped me. Words are not enough to thank you all.

    #463972

    Ms. Sorrow

    Dear Stefanie,
    You’re the first person who came to me, I was tearful when I read every words from you. I reread today and felt I have found a virtual sister out there. You were so worried. My tears are still falling, tears of joy. Gosh, thank you so much. If I could only reach you, I’ll give you a big hug. Thank you!!!

    #463974

    Ms. Sorrow

    Dear Maria
    Thank you! I feel how much you worried for me. You never leave to get update about what happened. Thank you for staying and trying your best to give the best advice as you can. I appreciate this VERY MUCH. When you asked about my number, I feel how much you are worried. Sorry if I didn’t for some reason. Hugs for you, thank you.

    #463975

    Ms. Sorrow

    Dear SthrnBelle
    You know what? I admire you very much. You are a very strong woman. I was crying about your own story and it breaks my heart knowing these was happened to you. Your strength reached me last night that I almost killed myself. Thank you so much for staying with me. I wanted to ask for your email as well as Stefanie’s but maybe you don’t want to write it publicly in here.

    #463978

    Ms. Sorrow

    Dear Jenny
    Thank you very much! I feel you are a happy person and I’m glad, thank you for a very comforting and kind words from you.

    #463983

    Ms. Sorrow

    Dear Michele,
    Thank you for staying with me while I’m on my I’m needing someone’s help. You are worried for me, sorry for this but let me thank you. I hope to hear from you whenever I feel the need to share something here. Hugs from me.

    #463987

    Ms. Sorrow

    Dear Jessica
    Thank you! You are like a sister from a distance. I was just a silly girl who came here to open my emotion and you came to give comfort. I feel I’m not alone with having you all.

    #463988

    Ms. Sorrow

    Dear Phillygirl
    Felt your hugs from here, your comment was truly comforting. You are a sister for me like the others who came and stay with me. I wish I could tell you that you made me feel better.

    #463994

    Jessica

    Dear Ms.Sorrow, I’m soo glad you are feeling better! That’s what the sisterhood us for – us girls need to stick together! I am relieved for you and hope that you are able to recover and thrive in the future!

    I truly hope you do take all of our advice and go you your doctor and find a therapist to help you deal with your depression. Breakups can be hard, but they don’t always have to make you feel like you want to give up. It will help you to get yourself feeling better generally so that you can deal with hard times like you are titanium. Until then you have all of us! Please please call and talk, or post and talk to us if you are feeling down. We aren’t experts but we can all empathize with how your are feeling.

    Remember that being happy is the best revenge! We want you to be genuinely happy!

    #463997

    Niharika

    If you do this, you are proving it to him that he was way more than you were to yourself..
    My ex cheated on me when we were together for 5 years… I had months of living alone and just crying… hurting myself..And it didn’t stop there, other men also rejected me.

    Sorrow, you aren’t the only one.. but please your life matters to me and all who have read this, as we all are fighting and we want you pass this with courage so that we have a role model.

    Please, talk to us, reply and call anyone of us if needed. But ending a life is not even an option. WE hear you, and I know what you r going through…

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