This topic contains 203 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by SthrnBelle 5 years, 9 months ago.
October 2, 2015 at 4:55 pm #463559
You are not stupid at all – you just feel hurt and betrayed. But if he took you for granted then that’s on him – his mistake and his loss. You deserve better than that. You deserve to heal, grow, move on and be happy again.October 2, 2015 at 4:56 pm #463560
Ms Sorrow – people do what they want, we can’t force them to do what we want them to do. ONE person betraying you, lying to you, this is all that it is, ONE PERSON.
There is a German movie where a girl who had an affair with a married Nazi officer, after two years or more of this affair, got mad at him for some reason and actually called his wife. You know what he did to her? He, being in a high position, he organized it so that she gets tried as a traitor. He comes and visits her in her cell. She tells him she is pregnant, he turns around and kicks your with all his might, with his boot in her abdomen – she barely survives that, of course miscarries – and then he gives an order and they EXECUTE HER. This – after two years of a passionate affair. This is what he did to her. A young beautiful woman actually lost her life because of ONE sadistic prick. Who, at the end of the war, got a job in a new government and was totally fine, totally fine.
You owe it to yourself to understand that this ONE PRICK with whatever reasons he used to lie to you, this ONE prick is just that – ONE guy.
The you, the beautiful you, with your life, your future, will you let this ONE experience destroy you? Your ego is very fragile right now, and everyone’s would have been, especially if you have to face them, but it is still ONE person who did it to you.
Is there a way for you to get out of that building? Can you move in with friends or family for 2-3 months? Is it doable at all?October 2, 2015 at 4:57 pm #463561
Of course you are not stupid. I think pretty much all of us on this forum have been devastated by a break-up at one point in our lives.
Sorrow, we are here for you and you must must must get on the phone and call someone and get to a hospital so they can help you calm down and start addressing this.October 2, 2015 at 5:01 pm #463563
SERIOUSLY Maria?? That is a downright bat shit crazy thing to say to a suicidal person.October 2, 2015 at 5:04 pm #463566
Ms. Sorrow… In the most extreme cases of heartbreak you feel like you may as well be dead, right? There’s nothing to live for. What’s the point if you don’t have love? This isn’t an uncommon PASSING THOUGHT. That’s what emotions do, they consume you and unfortunately sometimes control you. But be strong JUST for THIS moment and do this consistently and before you know it, that deep pain starts to fade even if VERY slowly. I’m not sure what your faith is but try to grasp onto that as well. Know that this guys part in your overall life story is over. Next chapter. This is just part of your journey to realize your own strength and to give you opportunities to grow and be better equipped for your future. Cry your eyes out, FEEL the pain, just don’t become broken by it. Nothing in life is permanent, everything is temporary. This WILL pass, all you have to do is stay strong in each moment that you’re in. Fight your weaknesses. What kinds of things make you happy? For me it’s music so when I’m upset, I go buy or throw on a record. The other night I was overwhelmed and experiencing some self-doubt so I hopped on my roof *at 1am* and just looked at the stars BC nature rebalances me. Do things and go places that bring you peace. You don’t have to pretend to be happy. Be f*cking miserable. THAT’S okay. Just PLEASE don’t let it overtake you. Think of your blessings, think of how fortunate you are to even have the “simple” things like running water, clothing, and shelter *not everyone has these luxuries*. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. It sucks, it’s the absolute WORST feeling EVER! And I don’t even know this guy but I f*cking HATE him, but he was pretty cool, and sweet, but wasn’t it annoying when he did ______? Lol. THIS will be your rollercoaster of emotions. He’s awesome, he sucks, you love him, you hope he dies… Just let them flow through you. Lastly, think about the people that DO love you. Think about how truly and deeply devastated they’ll be if you do this. Let your love for THEM be your strength. Love them enough to not cause them this type of pain. I hope you’re okay and my prayers are with you. I don’t know you but there’s pain in my heart for you and it’s literally brought me to tears at this point. Stay strong and take care!October 2, 2015 at 5:04 pm #463567
I live with my mom but she is old and I don’t want her to know all about this. I came here one time few months ago to read about relationship problems so I went here again, my emotions is terrible right now. I don’t know how to start. I will resign and get another job. I don’t know what to think right now. Sorry ladiesOctober 2, 2015 at 5:07 pm #463571
Don’t be sorry. If you need help this is the place to get it. We’re with you. But we can only do so much – we all want you to get someone local helping you. We will be here supporting you as long as you need us.October 2, 2015 at 5:15 pm #463577
Sorrow but listen please still get therapy, you need it. Even if you do not think suicidal now, just have passing thoughts that you would be better off dead, you are suffering from serious depression. YOU NEED HELP.
Professionals will help you with medication for anxiety and depression but you may need a few days in the hospital and you can also be on sick leave. You need help with meds first because when there is severe trauma the brain’s chemicals change and can only be rebalanced by meds, which you can of course later stop, slowly wean yourself off.
You also need a really good psychotherapist who can help you with the substance, the deep emotional issues, one you can talk to, there are really good therapies.
One thing I really loved was psychodrama, that worked great for me, you act out your worst fears in a small group of people suffering from different problems but all this after the initial help.
I emphasize again you need medical help and medication first. This may take a week or two to stabilize you and then you can go on with further, more long-term therapy.October 2, 2015 at 5:16 pm #463578
Don’t apologize. You’re okay. You did the right thing to reach out ANYWHERE for support. You’ll figure it all out, it’ll all be okay. But I think it was Drake?? *Lol* who said “Never make permanent decisions on temporary feelings”… Just try to remind yourself of that. I’m so sad for you :(October 2, 2015 at 5:16 pm #463579
Sweetheart. I wish we could all reach out our arms and wrap them around you and tell you how beautiful and worthy you are.
No one can or should tell you this pain isn’t real and immense. But I can tell you I’ve been there, and it will subside. Things will get better. But right now you need help seeing how much your existence on this earth means.
You will irretrievably break hearts of those who know and love you if you are no longer here.
If you are not in the U.S. tell us what country so we can post their suicide hotline number.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I repeat, you are not alone. So many of us have suffered this kind of pain and more, and survived. I lost a friend to suicide when I was 16. I will never ever get over it.
One day, this guy will all be a distant memory and you will be so glad you are still here. In the meantime you are now in crisis, and need to talk to professionals who can help.
Don’t worry about the job right now. The worst thing we can do is make major life changes when we are already emotional and in upheaval.
Stay with us. Please. Keep talking… LOTS OF LOVE AND HUGSOctober 2, 2015 at 5:16 pm #463580
Ms. Sorrow – I am so sorry you are going through this – PLEASE do not give up on yourself! You WILL be happy again! Please trust in this! I know it may not feel like it now but you will! Please get help and CALL the numbers the ladies posted above. If you can, call someone to talk to or that you can be with right now, and we are here to listen if you need to talk. You are not alone!!
I know it feels right now that your ex was the only man on earth – but trust me – he’s NOT!! There is someone else out there for you – I believe that G-d has a plan for every one of us and if it didn’t work out with him, then he has someone else in mind for you. Please believe this – I’ve been through heartache and thought that I would never be happy again – and I got through it and I’m happy with someone else now. You will too! Just don’t give up!
Please, please sweetie, get through today, and tomorrow will be better. Every day will be better, I promise!October 2, 2015 at 5:20 pm #463583
Good one Philly. And Jessica, Southern B, Jenny.October 2, 2015 at 5:26 pm #463592
@Stefanie – So far all you’ve said were your attacks against me. Why don’t you try and say something that could actually help. Something productive for a change. A person in this state needs to hear what happened to others in similar situations.
Oh, and stop calling me names, will you.October 2, 2015 at 5:29 pm #463593
Once again, I don’t know you but I can relate to such depth of emotion. I’m a bit of a paradox in that I’m not sensitive but I AM emotional. I don’t know you well enough to suggest therapy, I think only you can determine if you’re unable to overcome what you’re experiencing. I realize it may not be true for everyone but when you lose someone you love I don’t think it’s abnormal to hit rock bottom. When it becomes a problem is when you’re unable to function and recover from it. If a parent tragically loses a child, or you lose maybe a sibling or a parent, I don’t think it’s inappropriate that their initial feeling is that they’re “better off dead”… Once again, I think the problem lies in whether or not this feeling drowns them. Just my opinion thoughOctober 2, 2015 at 5:32 pm #463595
Maria, this is not the time nor place for this. Please, just focus on the OP. That was unhelpful and useless.
To the OP, we aren’t going anywhere, but you do need the help of those professionally who are equipped to deal with this.
We are all amateurs at best. But we can offer emotional support.October 2, 2015 at 5:38 pm #463596
Jenny, if someone wants to end their life, they have to get to a hospital ASAP or call a hotline that will assess the situation. There is no time to wait if it gets better.
Yes today if I hit rock bottom, I do not take meds, I wait a few weeks but I am stronger and I can fight most things and even though I was not truly suicidal I did need medication therapy to recondition my brain after severe trauma.
I think a hotline can assess the situation, we cannot from here unfortunately.
Sorrow please do call a hotline. They are really nice people there, volunteers who will listen.
No one suffering is stupid. Feelings are never wrong, they are feeling and therefor valid. There is no right or wrong, it is what you are experiencing right now and it is overwhelming you. I can completely understand.
This is not humiliating, neither is it humiliating to get help. People WANT TO help those that have been in similar situations that is why they volunteer on the hotline.
I was an abuse counselor volunteer because people with experience can help better.
Everyone WANTS TO help you, your feelings may fluctuate but it is safer to talk to someone on the hotlines that can truly help you better. Otherwise, you may get worse,
Please do not feel ashamed, this is not your shame, it is his!October 2, 2015 at 5:39 pm #463597
Ladies we need to focus on our poster. Ms. Sorrow are you still there? Please keep talking if you need to – we are here to listen. We are not giving up on you!October 2, 2015 at 5:45 pm #463599
Ms. Sorrow I do agree you should start by calling a hotline and talking to someone. And if you need medication or therapy to help you through this, do whatever you have to. There’s no shame in doing whatever is necessary to surviveOctober 2, 2015 at 5:48 pm #463600
Girls, we may need to be a bit more proactive here, can someone call for Eric? Sorrow if you really want to die and not just as a thought, you need help NOW. Eric may be able to track the IP. I have had to send an ambulance and police to someone to be taken to the hospital. Otherwise, OP let us know if you have called the hotline or the hospital, THEY WILL TALK TO YOU and not ridicule you. I promise. Have you taken anything or drank or done anything to yourself? Sometimes we can have passing thoughts that we do not want to live like this but from here we cannot correctly assess the situation.October 2, 2015 at 6:00 pm #463607
My friend is coming over. She didn’t know what happened I hope she don’t consider this very shallow. My friends are tired listening. They want me to forget him ever since but I didn’t listen. It was all my faultOctober 2, 2015 at 6:03 pm #463608
Whoever you are, I don’t know all of you but thank you listeningOctober 2, 2015 at 6:07 pm #463611
I notified the site admin already.
THANK YOU Sorrow. I am in England and I can go to bed relieved you are getting someone near you to come over and help.
Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Keep us updated! Good night and hugs to you.October 2, 2015 at 6:09 pm #463612
Geez Ms. Sorrow you really had me worried for a second. I’m glad your friend is going over but be careful of the company you keep in such a vulnerable state. Try to surround yourself with people who want to help and support you NO MATTER WHAT. I still think you should call to talk to someone when she/he leaves. This thread is evidence that sometimes strangers can be much more understanding and empathetic. Please keep us updated as to your progress. God bless!October 2, 2015 at 6:15 pm #463614
Thanks everyone also for pulling for Sorrow. Thanks Stefanie for also trying to help. Yes I am also in Europe and was afraid that we would never hear from you again Sorrow. I am glad your friend is coming over. Your friends should not be tired of you but the problem is that of course they are not trained and it can be difficult that way.
It is not all your fault, there is no such thing as it was all your fault, always remember this. We are human and we make mistakes, sometimes such mistakes that chase others away, still we are ourselves and lovable.
Do come back please and tell us about your story if you can share it with us. We are most definitely not tired of listening to others. We want to listen and hear you. This is why we contribute here.
There is no such thing as stupidity, a boring story, none of this is true. Write when you can, perhaps it will help to share your story with us.
Hang in there girl.October 2, 2015 at 6:30 pm #463617
Sorrow, I’m glad someone is coming over. Even so, I think you need to go to a doctor and get professional help with how you are feeling. I am going to relate a story to you that hopefully will open you up to this and help you believe that you will get through this.
One of my best friends was in a long term relationship with a guy since she was 19. They dated while she was in college, and then during her medical school and residency. While in undergrad, he practically lived at her house, him working and she going to school, while her mother was dying of cancer. But a lot of the time thereafter it was long distance because she moved to different parts of the country for med school and residency. He moved too, to the west coast for work. He would come and visit her and she would visit him. He was also friends (though not close) to me and our other friend. He even came to visit me on the west coast with his brother, when I lived there. When she was the maid of honor at my wedding, he was there too. We had all been friends in our younger days, I had met his family a couple of times and she had previously worked with him. While it had been about ten years, and they hadn’t gotten married, I thought it was because they were waiting for her to finish school. Things went along, we all moved around and saw each other mainly on holidays but he was usually there, except a few times he was missing, canceling at the last minute due to business issues. He cancelled a few times too many for her taste however, and the last straw was not flying in for her birthday when they were both supposed to visit home at that time. So she broke up with him.
A month or so later, she got a call from a PI asking about money her ex had given her. One thing led to another and she found out he was being accused of embezzling money (millions) from the group that he worked for as well as a sports legend. She called his brother to follow up, trying to get a hold of her ex and during the call his brother let it slip that her ex had just gotten married!! To make a long story short, she found out that her ex had been lying to her for the past 13 years and had simultaneously been dating another woman the entire time. She actually knew the other girl because they had all worked together 13 years prior in the same store that he managed. He had also, at times, been dating at least one, maybe two other women at the same time as them (at least one of them was a co-consiprator in his embezzlement). He was being investigated by the authorities but no one could find him – he was last seen driving in an SUV with his newly minted wife, apparently on a cross-country trip. But the man was smart, I knew that, and no one knew where he went.
So she found out that the man she had loved and thought she would spend the rest of her life with, had lied and cheated on her and was basically a sociopath. He had lied to her and everyone else! She had wasted 13 years of her life on him. Thank G-d she was visiting home when she found this out – even though they had already broken up, I don’t think she thought it was really over with him. Anyway, she had a breakdown -and, being a doctor, she told her family that she needed to go to the ER right away. She knew that she was going to need medical help to get through what she was going through. So she did and she was evaluated, given medication and it helped her immensely. Then she went home to her parents house to process it all. I remember that she was upset and sad, but the medical help had really done wonders for her.
She got through it. And you know what? She is extremely happy now. A little while later she started dating another doctor that she worked with at the time (who had a crush on her, but had not acted on it bc she had a bf until this point) and they got married a few years later! The man she married is, obviously, infinitely better than her ex-BF. And he is so good to her and there for her all the time.
Sorrow, I hope you see that it can happen to any of us – and there is hope! My best friend got through it and so will you!! Please, please don’t think there is anything wrong with needed professional help!
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