They say if you love something set it free, if it comes back it was meant to be. But is this really true? Also … what if it doesn’t come back?
After a breakup, especially one where you were broken up with, it’s natural to be consumed with feelings of wanting to get that person back. And while you may be tempted to call or text them, or even better, see them … this won’t work. If someone lets you go, you have to let them. This is also the way to ultimately get him back.
But backing off and leaving him alone doesn’t work in a vacuum. It’s about what you’re doing while you back off and leaving him alone that will determine if you can get the relationship back on track.
Now, this doesn’t just apply to a breakup. This also works if you’re in a relationship and your guy is taking space or pulling away. It’s all about gracefully backing away and leaving him alone, and how you utilize this time, that will make all the difference.
Let’s dive in a little deeper.
Take The Quiz: Can You Get Your Ex Back Or Is He Gone Forever?
Men fall in love in your absence
As they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. The human mind loves to idealize that which we no longer have. It’s just how we work. We never really appreciate things until they’re gone. If you’re not there, he will realize how much you enhanced his life.
As time goes on in a relationship, it’s easy to slip into taking one another for granted. You just come to expect certain things from the other person and it isn’t until they’re no longer there, making your coffee exactly how you like it first thing in the morning, that you realize what a kind and thoughtful thing this was.
When you’re not there anymore, his mind will automatically fantasize about all the good things and it will give him the mental space to process what happened in the relationship and how he truly feels. Maybe he’ll realize he made a mistake, or maybe he’ll see how good you were to him and will realize he could have or should have put in more to make the relationship work.
If you are with a guy who is pulling away, the advice is the same. Just give him some space and back off. Don’t do this in a mean or punishing way. Just shift your focus onto something else. You can also tell him, “It seems like you have a lot going on. I’m going to let you do your thing and just know I’m here if you want to talk,” and then just let it be.
Mentally move on
Giving a guy space in order to get him back doesn’t work if you spend this time moping around, stalking him, and obsessing about the relationship endlessly. You need to mentally move on.
Yes, I know you want him back. And there is a strong chance that will happen. But here’s the kicker, you need to get to a place where you will be OK if he doesn’t come back. Your world will not come crashing down, you will no cease to exist, you will be fine. You’ll move on. And you will be happy again, I swear it.
You can’t have only one outcome in mind because if it doesn’t happen, you’ll be lost and distraught. You need to remember you can live without him, you can thrive without him, you can be happy without him. This can only happen if you are without him.
That means no stalking him, no posting sappy love quotes on your social media accounts in the hopes it will get his attention, don’t replay the relationship over and over in your mind.
Try to think about what you learned, what you enjoyed about the relationship, what mistake you made and how they’ve shaped you and helped you grow. Focus on fixing yourself, on working on whatever broke in the relationship because a breakup can leave us a little broken. Either you’ll get him back or you’ll end up an even better version of yourself.
And I should also mention … you might realize you don’t actually want him back. It’s amazing what a little distance can do for your mental clarity. You may find you’re happier without him. You might find you feel freer and light without him and his issues dragging you down. Again, you will only discover these things if you truly back off and step away from the situation.
The No Contact Rule
Essentially, you need to follow the no contact rule. We’ve covered this topic a lot so read here and here to learn more. After any breakup, no matter the circumstances, I always suggest a period of no contact that lasts at least 3 weeks. That means no calls, no texts, no Facebook messages, no snapchats, no tweets, no dms, no contact.
The most important thing to remember is the no contact rule is about you, not about him. Yes, you might get him back as a result of using it, but that’s not the goal … it’s a byproduct.
The best thing you can do during this time is to focus on yourself and your happiness. Get back into things you used to enjoy but didn’t have time for when you were in a relationship. Try new things. Take up a new hobby or try a new exercise class. Join a book club or take up an art class. Whatever it is, just do something that will keep you busy and distracted while also giving you a sense of fulfillment.
Don’t try to be friends
When a woman says: “Let’s be friends” what she really means is: “I want to stay in your life and prove myself to you and make you realize how amazing I am so that you take me back.” It doesn’t work. Well, it does work, but only if you are completely over each other. If you want him back, being “friends” is just a no-fly zone.
As I said, you need emotional and physical space in order to truly move on, and also in order to get the person back. You can’t have that when you’re still “friends.” Don’t torture yourself like this. And believe me, having him in your life but out of your reach is torture.
Be your best
The fact is, you can’t make anyone feel a certain way about you, but you can inspire it.
The way you do that is by focusing on yourself and your happiness. You do it by looking your best and feeling your best. You do it by filling your life with things that make you happy. Focus on you, not how he feels about you. His opinion does not decide your worth or worthiness. This is where most people go wrong. You determine your value. You are the decider of these things. You set the standard. Realize that and internalize it. When you do, then you’ll be happy if your ex comes back but you’ll also be completely fine if he doesn’t and this is the best place to be in.
I hope this article helped you understand why letting him go is the best way to get him back. But there is more to the story. It is possible to get your ex back, but it won’t happen because you want it to. You can get him back, but you need to know a few things. Do you know what makes your ex desperately miss you and realize you were the “one”? If not, you need to read this article next: Do You Want Your Ex Boyfriend Back? Use This to Get Him Back...