of a time where a close female friend has noticeably put on weight. She asks you in a heartbroken tone, “Do you think I look fat?” No girl (except a complete “B”) is going to say, “Yes, you look enormous.” The response she will most likely receive is, “No, you look great!” or something similarly placating.
Assuming you can relate to the above scenario, or have at least seen it play out in some way, shape or form, why do they do it? Why do they tell that placating lie? If you ask someone, they’ll tell you it’s “to keep the peace” or “because they needed to hear it” or “because they couldn’t handle the truth” or “because the truth wouldn’t have helped her, it would only hurt her.
Most of us are also acquainted with people on the other end of the spectrum and are brutally honest all the time. Those kinds of people go beyond being brutally honest and are often brutal to be around.
Tactful, well delivered honesty is a tall order to expect from people. Sad, but true – the best you can do is encourage tactful honesty from them.
When someone is honest with you, they are trying to do the right thing and respect you – the best response you can give them is to thank them for their honesty and let them know how it hit you without drama. It takes emotional maturity and life experience to be able to show people that you can handle and appreciate honesty.
But when you do, people will be honest with you – this applies to both men and women.
Hope that’s helpful,
P.S. Want to understand men better than they understand themselves? We break it all down in our new book “He’s Not That Complicated,” available now!