Ask a Guy: How Do I Get Him to Commit?

So I’m seeing this guy and have been for a few month. It seems that maybe once a month we re-visit the “what are we” conversation. And I don’t know what to make of it, am I wasting my time?

First month seeing each other and asked the “what are we” question and his response was:
– I like you and I think that we have chemistry and I think that we should explore that.
– I then asked him if we were going to see each other but still be open to seeing other people and he responded that he doesn’t have the time or energy to see more than one person at a time

Second month of “what are we” question:
– He says he doesn’t like labels (which i think is a label in and of itself but whatever), that he sees me all the time, that he has met some of my family
– He says that we are hanging out and seeing where things go
– Was telling him about a friend of mine that was seeing more than one person at a time and he reiterated out of the blue that he wasn’t seeing anyone else

Third month:
– Asked him if it was just a summer fling because we both have time in the summer and he responded with “and I will still be seeing you in the fall”

So what’s going on? Should I stay?

I met in 2007 in the United States, I’m in Canada we met at a concert and for me, as soon as I saw him I knew I loved him. We hit it off and within a few weeks I was going to the states to visit him, we started dating and I was so happy, but because of the distance and him not being able to cross the boarder to come up and see me( he tried once) due to felonies in the states, I wasn’t able to go every weekend. He started to go down a bad path and got into drugs, I was always there for him even tho I didn’t know the extent of what he was doing. I told him I loved him, and he freaked out, we drifted apart and I was hurt.

Through out the years I thought about him, and tried dating other people but it was never the same feeling I had, that I felt for him. I looked him up on Facebook and saw he was in a relationship and just had a baby, I left it alone but I’d check his Facebook every so often, this year I looked at it and he was no longer in relationship, it had been 8 years since we had spoken, I decided to send a message and he responded. I was so excited and seemed to be too, we exchanged numbers and soon were talking and texting everyday, he would send pictures and face time and we were catching up, this was in March. He told me that in December he and his baby’s mom broke up because she cheated on him, she had a long time friend that she moved into the house, because he needed a place to stay, but while he was at work she was heating on him with this guy, it went on for months and he felt like he was going nuts thinking this stuff was going on, but them saying he’s wrong, he finally saw that she was cheating and she kicked him out of the house and has this new guy living with her, they are still together.

He has 3 kids with different moms, he told me he thinks there’s something wrong with him because it never works out, he wants a family and with this last women he wanted it to work, this all happened last Dec.

In june( we had been in touch since March) I went to visit him, he had told me he doesn’t want a relationship, the feeling of being emotionally available on that level wasn’t a good feeling, which I understood. So I went to visit, and we hit it off, to me it was right back to where it was when we first started seeing each other. I have gone to see him every month since June, he told me he didn’t want a relationship, as we continued to see each other things seemed to change, he was getting close, I asked him ” but you don’t want a relationship” his answer seemed to change, he was affectionate, I met his daughter, I met his daughters mom, he introduced me to his co workers, his friends and included me in his life.

As time went on he would introduce me as his girlfriend to his friends, he told me he wanted to see me everyday, and we talked about me moving to the states if possible. He would call in the middle of the night to say he loved me or was thinking of me.

Now ever since this stuff happened with his ex, he parties, with his friends so he would call me after having drinks. He would say he’s thinking of me and that he’s happy and hasn’t been in a long time…..

After a few months, the calls and texts slowed down, I was still visiting, but not sure where I stood with him,I would text, and his responses weren’t the same as before, I started to think he wasn’t interested anymore, he would sometimes bring up the fact that he is not able to like or love someone on the emotional level, I felt like he was backing off. I just got back 2 days ago and while I was there I asked him if he liked me or had feelings for me, he looked sad but said no he doesn’t have feelings for me and he can’t like anyone because he doesn’t like himself. He would say “just keep being my friend”. I am heart broken over it….

He drinks a lot,and hangs out with his friends when he’s not working, at the time of him telling me he doesn’t have feelings for me( which killed me) he was really drunk, he also brought up giving him a year but that seemed to change too. But because I was visiting we slept in the same bed( nothing physical happened) but he cuddled me.

I’m left here with my head spinning, heart broken… I have no idea what to think, but I don’t believe him…. I could be a fool and I’m looking for some kind of hope, i know love is blind… But the feeling I have in my gut is that I’m not wrong with how I feel.

Thank you

Knew this guy in middle school he was in love with me.. lost touch and about 2 months we started talking. But I always have to call him.think he called me twice so far including returned phone calls. And he always dose the talking always when i talk its interruptred are non responcive. ButTalked daily and decided to meet briefly about two weeks ago. We talked for a about 15 20 min.then it went real fast real quick. I said no a few times before I just gave in. Now its we talk every other day to maybe once a week. He’s said a few times about going out before sex and once after but includes that we should end that date with sex. I have asked him where he stands after we had sex the next day made it clear that was not like me and that it was to soon. He said it was built up and he agrees it was soon. Says he is content with his life but then says if he didn’t want to talk to me he’d say so……..I feel like I f***ed up by haven sex to soon and all he wants is ass now. What do u think

Hi
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 11 years and we’ve been engaged but nothing happened. We have a daughter and I feel he does not feel the same about me. We’ve had major issues but always end back together. We having problems now and I said I want a open honest loyal relationship but ye says I’m mad and I spy on him because I want him to invite me on his face book which I haven’t been on ever. I feel if he can’t allow hes full commitment it will never work. He’s friends with everyone we know on fb but me. It hurts and I’m really sad about this because he does not want to be open with me. He the LD me today he won’t give my way until I prove myself. I’m confused and don’t know what to do we live together with our daughter but feels like a nothing and I mean nothing to him…. Cf

But why waste all that time with someone only for him to say: “Oh I’m not feeling it or I’m not the marrying, having children, etc type?!” Tell me.

You unfortunately, (by nature’s time line), don’t want to be 60, single and looking… do you??! I guess you can, but they say pregnancy at that age isnt recommended. What do you think? :-)

I have been “talking” to this guy for almost 3 months. It has been going great, but we have not had the commitment/exclusive talk. I was fine with us taking it slow and was not worried about this, but now we are long distance for the near future. I feel like we need to have this talk so I know exactly where we stand. I do not see any point in being in a long distance relationship if it is not serious, and we do not have a plan and are not both committed to make it work. I know I should have brought this up before I left, but I panicked. I am not sure when I will see him in person again and my question is in this case is it acceptable to discuss this over the phone? And when I do talk to him how do I bring it up without him freaking out.

The author is right; we say what we mean. If we want to go out, we’ll say so. If we don’t want to get married, we’ll say so.

It’s not that we don’t like you per say, it just means you’re replaceable. That’s not meant to be insulting. There are no soulmates. There are no ghosts. There are no psychics.

Guys are always evaluating two things:

1. How much we enjoy being around you
2. How others will perceive us social with you as our accessory.

Girls tend to lean with choosing someone, then sticking it out, “working on it”, etc. That’s way too much work. We could just break up, hook up with someone new, and see what she has to offer.

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