Ask a Guy: Am I Just His Fallback Girl? post image

Ask a Guy: Am I Just His Fallback Girl?

… (Previous page – Ask a Guy: Am I Just His Fallback Girl?) in a place where your relationships will work effortlessly and love will magnetically attract itself to you with zero effort on your part.

Right now, you are still chasing love and feelings from a guy as if a man’s love is something you can get, like it’s an object like a stone or car or purse. You can’t have a relationship. You can’t possess another person or love.

Relationships are like music… you experience them in the moment as they are happening… there is nothing more than that. Relationships are simple and experienced in the moment, nothing more, nothing less.

MORE: 4 Rules to Get the Relationship You Want

Instead of worrying about whether your actions look a certain way or could trigger a certain reaction, forget all that crap. Instead, focus on one thing and one thing alone: Your mood – which translates to relating to every moment in a way that feels happy, joyful, inspiring and full of life to you… no matter what is happening in that moment.

Your mood – your happy, inspired, fulfilled mood – is the most attractive energy possible to any man. When you master your mood, you will never again worry about a man’s feelings for you. It makes a man’s love and devotion automatic… it is irresistible to men… we are programmed to seek out and bond with women who are happy, comfortable and full of love for every moment of life. That is the energy that makes a man want to protect you, hold you, love you, please you, chase you, adore you and devote himself fully to you. It is irresistible.

MORE: What Do Guys Like in a Girl?

You’ve been brainwashed by crappy relationship books and women’s magazines to pay attention to crap that doesn’t matter. Your mood matters… stop worrying about “how you appear” or “how he might react”… make your mood your number one priority and focus… do that and all of your other concerns, worries and fears will disappear.

Hope this helps,

eric charles

Written by Eric Charles

I'm Eric Charles, the co-founder and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing articles to help people free themselves from suffering and have clarity in their love life. I have a degree in Psychology and I've dedicated the last 20 years of my life to learning everything I can about human psychology and sharing what gets people out of struggling with life and into having the life they really want. If you want to contact me, feel free to reach out on Facebook or Twitter.

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All this article is teaching you is that women should have no expectations while the guy is carefree and gets what he wants. That’s unrealistic. There should be relationship goals even with a friendship. If I meet some girl and I want to be friends with her I’m going to do things to help build towards that goal. That’s life. To meet someone with no intentions in mind is unrealistic. I don’t meet a potential employer just for the heck of it. I don’t meet a potential contractor just for the heck of it. Everyone you meet you have some goal in mind of what you want to accomplish. Men should be no exception and we should not let them off the hook. The right advice for this girl is that if she doesn’t think this is leading to something that she wants, cut him off. Plain and simple. Not finding her own happiness. What makes you think she wasn’t happy? I’m sure she was perfectly happy before him and she will be perfectly happy when she lets go of him and the confusion he’s causing in her life.

Reply February 29, 2016, 9:02 am

Eric Charles

I do believe it’s a good idea for people (men and women) to have standards. I don’t believe it’s a good idea to have expectations.

Standards are knowing what you won’t accept (as in, if it’s what’s happening then you are OK with walking away and letting go).

Expectations are ideas in your head that the other person *should* be doing things for you, and if they don’t, you’ll be angry and feel entitled to attack them for it.

Moreover, having expectations or goals with people is dehumanizing to the other person. You can’t be fully present and connected to a person when your mind is busy calculating the trajectory of how to get from point A to point B with that person. It is, by definition, mentally objectifying the person.

So expectations are a bad thing. But more importantly, the real thing worth paying attention to is my earlier statement about standards: you have terms where, if they’re violated, you’re willing to walk away without looking back and you let go.

Most people, instead of walking away, double-down on trying to *make* the other person come around and force the relationship to work. With relationships, 90% of relationship success is smart selection (and that means walking away from bad choices for you).

Reply February 29, 2016, 10:23 am


Well im talking to this amazing guy and he’s very sweet and everything . Like he would want to bring me food have “secret dates” with me but the bummer is he has a girlfriend. Honestly ive been hurt alot and he says he wouldnt do that but in honest truth he is . Because he has a girlfriend and hes flirting with me. I just dont know what to do . Can you help me?

Reply June 13, 2015, 3:23 pm


I re-read this daily, thank you!

Reply April 27, 2015, 9:39 pm


Personally, I think a woman can have the best mood ever and if a guy is hell bent on a fling and she wants a boyfriend then no amount of good mood, fun, etc. is going to change that. It might for a short time but not for a real relationship. The only thing I found useful in the article is a reminder for women to be happy in their life. However, relationships are a lot more complicated than be happy, cause it still takes the right fit, the right relationships goals, and more. Let’s say she wants a boyfriend and this guy wants a travel fling, she can be happy and living in the moment but she won’t get a boyfriend and he will get a fling.

Reply September 22, 2014, 12:26 pm


so I have a serious question about long distance relationships.. How can I go about this relationship? And do you think that the guy is really doing what he says? For example a guy I am currently speaking to is always ‘busy’ as he says with working here and there. And he doesn’t really text me throughout the day or when he has time, unless I text him first. Is he just really busy or is that an excuse? I’m so confused on this one! I don’t know what to believe because long distance is hard to know if you truly can trust that person, not saying I don’t, but sometimes makes you second guess everything..

Reply September 16, 2014, 12:48 am

Mary Walker

I have been seeing this guy for 3 years and living with him. I just caught him having cyber sex with someone. Was ferious. He said he didn’t know that he was doing such thing. Well I feel he is still cheating on me. He freaks when I go near his phone. There is more.

Reply September 15, 2014, 8:47 pm


Eric is soooo right! I have been focusing on my mood for the past few months and have seen almost magical things happen in my dating life. Life has been so much clearer since Eric came into it. :)

Reply September 10, 2014, 10:56 am

Crystal Tompkins

I loved how you kept it real…I really enjoyed this article…until recently I was unfortunately one of those illusionist….now I have learned to do what makes me happy and enjoy making memories….the rest will fall into place… happiness is not planned or mapped out….its a feeling of living life and enjoying each moment of it.

Reply September 9, 2014, 10:28 pm

Aj Tooke

Thanks! So needed this today. Look forward to your email advice!

Reply September 9, 2014, 5:44 pm


This was like reading my situation literally!
I know all what you have written but I needed to hear/read it in another person phrases. Other than mine.
Thank you. God bless.

Reply September 9, 2014, 5:38 pm


Love! Love! Love it!
Eric you nailed it once again!

Reply September 8, 2014, 8:49 pm


Eric, this is the best article you’ve ever written. You are amazing. Thank you.

Reply September 6, 2014, 1:59 pm

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