4 months in and suddenly he's gone quiet on me

You haven’t got it wrong. he’s pulling back a bit to think about how intense he got with you the other night. He WILL be testing your reaction now.. so RELAX. NO blowing up his phone. Or neediness, or whinging, or tears, or “I miss you , why aren’t you talking ”

Keep yourself busy, STOP being insecure and TRUST he will be in touch !

Hi Amy.

Listen to Harley. The one gift a woman can give to her man is SPACE. Men need a lot more space than we do because of how their brains are wired, so when he pulls back you pull back, when he pushes you push. Space also gives you some time to do things you’ve been neglecting to do. Relationships need oxygen (time apart) to keep the fire burning and a man needs to MISS YOU from time to time to keep the spark going.

Odd thing is I was the one who normally pulled back when it got too intense and it would freak the guys out, lol. Just RELAX, stay calm, enjoy this “me time” and if he doesn’t reach out within a week then come back here.

Not sure which way this could swing. MAYBE… he is still thinking it all through.

Plan of action… CONTINUE on as you are… light and breezy.. for the next 2 weeks. Mirror him.. he texts once a day, you text once a day, he texts short, you text short. SEE if he arrranges to meet. If he’s pulling back more , let him go, give him space STILL. he’ll either swing back or not.

UNFORTUNATELY it is crucial now you don’t lose your head. Stay calm, don’t ask him anything as you said. Just light and breezy. This is head-wreaking time but you have to suffer it !

GREAT to have you back Celeste !

Oh Celeste, my bf does exactly what your bf does. It had started one month into our relationship and it is the third month now.

At the beginning I was panic. But I managed to be calm and pulled back myself as well. Then he came back the next day. Now I found it a pattern. Although he won’t go far but he is persistent about pulling away after every weekend getaway. Sometimes it lasts for a whole evening, sometimes one day. It depends on the duration and intensity of our weekend dates. When he does come back afterwards, he would sound a little bit “cold”, but then when grows warm and hot gradually throughout the rest of the week till our next date on a weekday or on the weekend. The most recent one was last week, he did reach out to me within hours, and he also called the next day, but I could just feel he appeared distant than usual. I am just wondering when the dancing will end or it never will???

Amy I just literally went through this I don’t think it is quite over but like you have been together for four months had a great weekend getaway then BAM quite but he called finally and appoligized it wasn’t me but his family pushing him to make a bigger commitment like marriage lol I nearly shit myself because that is so not where I am at so maybe it isn’t you at all but an outside force just sit back and see how it plays out believe me I know how emotionally wreaking it can be go out with a girlfriend vent and then wait but when you do talk be honest tell him how you feel

WOOHOO MEL ! ALL Is ok …in a fashion. Bet your delighted. Don’t panic if there is a next time.. give him a chance to explain ! Feck me, I’m jealous. wish someone wanted to marry me ! AWW… romance is alive and well !

Amy2.. too early to be doing the marriage thang with his mancave thang !

AMY 2 ; How long are you together and what age are you ? HOW often do you see each other ???

HAVe you got your own life, circle of friends when apart ? It’s healthy to have your opwn space. Guys liek independent girls, not clingy , needy girls ( are you this ???.. maybe you are not !)

MEN.. ALWAYS need their own space. It’sa guy thing and you have to stop taking it personel. When he goes.. keep yourrself busy, have !”me time” .. beautician, new hobby, whatever.

WHEN he springs back.. welcome him with open arms. perhaps tell him you wish he would let you know when he needs time along, as you fell hurt that perhaps he had an accident or something.

GOOGLE the RUBBER BAND theory and it should shed some light for you.

Hi Amy2 – sounds like you have a similar story to mine although yours is going a lot better if he’s thinking marriage!! I’m the OP, I’m 36 and he’s 34 and we live about 3 hours apart, but I really thought it was going so well and now BOOM! silence. Last time I saw him was last Tuesday when he stayed the night – it was better than great, I felt the connection was deeper than ever. A couple of times he was staring at me so intensely I said what are you looking at and he said am I not allowed to look at you? (In a sweet way) we are very close physically, sleep wrapped up together (I NEVER do that!!) and we had such a laugh, in fact one of his comments was “I make you laugh too, don’t I” as in him thinking things are good between us – OR HAVE I GOT THIS ALL WRONG??

So in the morning off he goes, I know he had a big meeting on the Wednesday so I didn’t contact him thinking he would be in touch when he was free. But nothing all day wednesday or all day thursday.

Then on Friday at lunchtime he said he was in town and could he pop by after work. I had already arranged a night out with friends who I couldn’t let down so I said sorry I was busy. So he went back up home that night and I didn’t see him. Then he texted very late on Saturday night with some sweet stuff and it was left with night night etc.

However absolutely nothing since then.

This is not how it was before last Tuesday – I was hearing from him all day every day, he was making plans to see me as much as possible, we were very natural in our communications and I felt this was it, we were becoming proper girlfriend and boyfriend.

Have I read too much into this? Should I still just sit tight? Have I done something wrong? I’ve been trying to be cool but this is making me frantic and I can’t concentrate at work at all. Help!! x

BOTH AMY’s : relax, chill, the guys will be back. You both need to TRUST these guys and deal withthe insecurity. Amy 2. make more friends, Both of you , keep so busy you are exhausted.

let the guys know( when they are relaxed, in good form.. not bad form) you feel hurt when they don’t get in touch to say they are taking “time-out”, as you worry maybe they are ill or something. DOn’t get all mushy and say you miss them or anything.. screams of neediness.

GUYS.. cannot multi task like women. WHEN they are focused on work, like BOTH these guys ARE.. YOU lose out. IN THEIR peas sized brains, they are earning money to give YOU a good time/providing for you.. they think they are doing YOU a huge favour. They are TOO STUPID top realise they are neglecting you.

Both of you.. TELL them you appreciate how hard they are working, how motivated they are to succeed and you REALLY admire and respect them… they’ll be in your arms before you can blink !

Amy 1.. stay calm. es.. I dothnk you are overthinking as in that it is UPSETTING YOU. TRUST..what will be,will be. 4 mhs is a crucial time perid.. the guy is freaking out deciding whether to call you GF not, be exclusive or not. HE is waiting to see HOW you handle this time period.

I cannot say for definite he is gone/he is coming back.. if he is gone.. you are better off, if he is back.. you have growna as a wonman and handed it well. teh fact thaat he has already been in touch bodes well.

Unfortunately you have to wait it out. there is no magic solution. TIME is the solutiion….it always tells. NO consolation I know. KEEP BUSY. DO NOT contact,as this is just annoying the guys and turning them off/bugging them.

We all need head knocking ! I met a cool guy mate abroad a few weeks ago and he don’t want to know me. BOOHOOHOO. But… I’ll survive. But.. I have learned to not chase, keep busy and HIS LOSS. So.. it’s all good.