4 months in and suddenly he's gone quiet on me

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  • #751675 Reply

    Oh god this. This is happening to me and it’s starting to tear me up. I am trying to be strong and confident about it.

    We met in February on Tinder- I have a busy job, he basically has no work life balance because his workplace sucks, but we’ve made it work and we spend time together when we can, even if it’s me driving to his at midnight after a late shift at work and snuggling up next to him in bed. We have fun, we make eachother laugh, he’s lovely, the sex is fantastic, etc etc.
    We’ve not stuck a label on what we are, but we’re definitely beyond the dating thing because he told me that’s what he thinks.

    2 weeks ago, something big happened at his work (don’t know what, he didn’t say) and he ended up working all weekend when we had arranged to see each other. I know he’s having to make a decision about whether to sack someone he’s friends with, and I know he’s going through a tribunal case that has gotten nasty. I couldn’t even call him because he was constant back and forth phone calls with every boss he has. Since then, he hasn’t called me (when he used to every day) or messaged me unless I’ve messaged him first, and when we do speak, it’s not for long. He’s gone to his mums out of the blue (she lives 4 hours away) and spoke about needing to get away and needing to think about what he wants and starting afresh (I took this to mean his job).

    Yesterday I messaged him asking how he was, and he didn’t reply at all. My plan is now to leave him alone.

    I trying my hardest to give him his space, because all of my heart and mind is telling me that this isn’t about me and that he’ll come back. But still, it’s really hard to deal with.

    #751677 Reply

    if he has chosen to shut you out thn that’s that. nothing you can do. let him be. hes stressed and wants to figure things on his own. I think you have to take your focus off him and start leading your normal life the way it was before him. let him be. maybe if things stabilize or he has figured things he may get in touch. maybe yes maybe not. this is out of your hands for now. let him revert.

    #752340 Reply

    Hello. So I been in a similar situation like this before. Not only did the guy go silent but usually when this happens you can bet there is another woman in the picture. Being that he is a man he wont say otherwise but bottom line he is confused. He does not know what he wants at this point so yes like others have mentioned give him space. All men need space and as women we need space too. Eventually he will come back around because they always do but you also want to be clear to him on your intentions and he needs to be clear on his intentions so that you both are not wasting each others time. Wasting time is the last thing ypu want tp do cause your time is valuable and should be spent on someone who is worth it. Trust me.

    #752348 Reply

    “I don’t think he is aware of the hurt it brings to me. In fact, he is quite happy with me. He is even surprised why I never got upset. He said I know how to take care of a man. But deep down I really feel insecure and hurt at times. I never complain because he always comes back before I got out of control so I haven’t got a chance to do so. But I really wanna let him know I have a problem about that. If he goes silent for over a day I might dump him.”

    If someone makes you feel like garbage, you need to tell them. You need to respect his need for space, but he needs to step and help you understand why he needs space.

    I dated a guy for a while and he was great about explaining his “space”. “Hey, I’m sorry I’m so out of touch, work.” or “Just dealing with some personal stuff, not you at all”. If he is not mature enough to do that, he needs to not be in a relationship.

    Also, you can be the cool girl and live your own life, but to me, if a guy needs a lot of “space” on a regular basis, he needs to be single.

    I’m actually a woman who needs a lot of space, and IMO, it’s my responsibility to be upfront with friends/dates about my lack of responsiveness. It’s not up to you to tiptoe around me. And it isn’t fair for me to “use” people if/when I want some attention. So I suck it up and communicate, even when I don’t really want to.

    #932761 Reply

    This happened to me and i have dumped him. Two months of dating. We had a great time. Then…nothing. It took a week before he called me (after sending him several messages and calling him twice). He didn’t know what he wanted, he didn’t know how he felt. I broke up with him on the spot, but his behaviour has hurt me deeply.

    #932779 Reply

    You need to think of his need for space as oxygen to breathe. I know this since I am the same way in a relationship.

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