Me and my bf are finally back together after a 3 month breakup. We’re both trying to be normal and go back to the way things were. He tells me he loves me when he’s sober, but I don’t feel it like I used to before we broke up.
The other night he was drunk and texted me saying he loves me and misses me and will love me more when he’s back home in two weeks and went on and on. The next morning I asked if he meant everything he texted and he said “yes, a drunk man means whatever he says.” I asked the same question to all my male friends and got mixed replies and now I’m more confused.
Do men really speak the truth while they’re drunk or is it just BS?
What you say is a decision. And alcohol affects decision-making faculties…
I mean… a more complete answer is this: Yes, alcohol impairs judgment, but it also impairs inhibition. So a guy might be more inclined to say something he’d hold back from saying otherwise.
So everyone wants to think that the proverbial “drunk man never lies.”
There are two fatal flaws in this though:
1) He’s telling his truth as a drunk person. So yeah, it’s the truth for him, while he’s drunk…
… but unless the dude is loaded 24/7, that doesn’t do you a heck of a lot of good.
2) If you look at the way alcohol affects people under a fMRI or SPECT scan, you’ll see their brain activity is significantly different than normal.
Some people are relatively unaffected personality-wise when they drink while others turn into totally different people (sometimes monsters, sometimes lovey-dovey, sometimes loud and boisterous, sometimes sad, etc.)
It’s a mind-altering substance, not truth serum. Moreover, I see the same trap over and over again with women trying to understand men…
It’s as if these women believe something a man’s communication “secretly means” something. My guess is because when women communicate with one another, there’s a lot of communication that really does “secretly mean something”.
She said she *loves* my hair, but she leaned in on the word *loves* a bit too hard, so she must secretly hate my hair.
- or -
She said she thinks my boyfriend doesn’t deserve me, which must secretly mean she knows something I don’t and wants to sabotage my relationship.
Who knows if that theory is founded, but the central fact is that if you go around assuming men are sending “secret messages” to you through their communication, you’re going to be forever confused by men…
Not because men are complex, but because you’re *making* them complex. You’re projecting this total fantasy onto men.
Want the secret of understanding men and male communication? Here it is:
1) Assume he wants you, thinks you’re hot, is happy with you.
2) Take his communication literally on a surface level. Remember what I was saying about reading into secret messages from him? Do the exact opposite of that…
3) Listen to the message of what he’s saying, not the excuse or explanation – not the other way around.
In other words, if he says to you: I don’t want a relationship right now because I’m trying to figure my life out…
The important part of that communication is not: “I’m trying to figure out my life right now…” That’s a distraction. That’s to soften the blow. That… is… irrelevant.
The *only* important part of his message is “I don’t want to be in a relationship”…
I know it sounds harsh, but you have no idea the amount of heartache women could save themselves if they just started looking at male communication as what it is:
You might say, “Men are sooooo confusing.”
No, they’re not. Just because you don’t like what they’re saying doesn’t mean that they’re being confusing. You just don’t like it.
But you want the best best best indicator of how a man feels about you? Look at his actions. Done.
Hope that helps,