the hormone oxytocin is released for women during orgasm. I do not agree that it creates a guaranteed attachment… I have yet to see a woman marry her vibrator and I understand those things are pretty good at dealing out the orgasms…
So how do I reconcile why some women get attached after sex and others can have sex without getting attached? It comes down to expectation…
If a woman goes into the sexual experience expecting it to be simply a hook-up with no expectation, desire or hoping for it to lead to a relationship… then these tend to be the women who can have a FWB type arrangement without it getting emotionally messy for them.
Now, I’m not a woman and I can only speak from observation and from the countless accounts I’ve heard from women who have shared their sexual experiences with me. There are lots of women who can hook up without any feelings of attachment… they just don’t tend to talk about it in their social circles since, quite frankly, most people are judgmental and vehemently attack the idea that women can hook up without somehow being a victim. Sadly, I think it’s guaranteed you’ll see many comments on this article to that effect (and I may or may not have the energy to reply to them… we’ll see).
Sex is not an act to be taken lightly. It’s the most intimate act two humans can share, it can spread infection or viruses and it can certainly stir up your emotions (especially if you’re not in an emotionally stable place to begin with)… so I want to make it clear that I’m not saying that sex is “no big deal”.
I do, however, want to create a space for people to actually talk about exploring their sexuality without someone immediately shaming them or telling them that if they explore their sexuality, they’re somehow bad or classless or naive or foolish or going to be victimized. There’s nothing shameful about exploring your sexuality… and you need to be smart about it.
Hope that helps,