What causes absolutely crazy sexual attraction between two people?

When we fight we never get personal or say mean things.

It’s more like, you know, circling each other and pushing and testing with a little bit of jealousy and defensiveness. We don’t get aggravetd with each other unless we’re apart. As soon as we are apart for 3 or 4 days we get a bit defensive.

He says he starts to panic tht he’s falling and love and pulls away. I then start to panic that he’s lost interest, so we both act unnaturally and cold maybe. Then we see each other and it’s like I think that total attraction all over again.

I think the problem really for me is that we’re not going into this with two people who are happy to fall in love and be in a relationship, so of course there’s a chance for him it means less than it does to me.

I do hope it dvelops into something more because beyond he sex I find him totally intoxicating and completely adorable. I’ll try and be very patient and enjoy it day by day.

No, I don’t think he’s a narcissist or has problems with his character or anything.

If anything he is the most emotionally guarded person I have ever met. Usually guys fill me with much more verbal reassurance than he does and he seems a bit scared of the attraction if anything. He’s quite closed off emotionally most of the time. Then in the right moment, this cute, open innocence comes out that is so sweet but he’s definitely afraid to get close. Often that happens in fights.

Like for example he will not call me for three days and I will be ragingly angry, like “Am I just sex to you?” and will flip one, and he will come to me and totally not understand why I am upset or why I thought he didn’t like me.

I think he just (a) is very slow to atach emotionnally and pretty scared to do it and (b) just needs space at times. I have learned slowly to give him that when he needs it and we get on better.

That said in some weird way I think he likes me getting upset because it shows I care beyond sex, which i don’t show at other times.

I find him emotionally fullfilling in one sense. The sense that I can talk to him about ANYTHING. Tell him ANYTHING and he’s supportive, interested, clever, kind and obviously has a massive heart that he’s scared to give away.

On the other hand when he holds back I get frustrated at times because he doesn’t move as fast as most men I have met and is not as easy to understand what he is thinking.

I think what is basically the problem we have is that he went into it not looking to fall for someone and I think the crazy passion was unexpected completely and he’s strugging with handling it.

For us to not implode will take a lot of patience from me, if we can do it.

I feel like underneath all his fear is the most amazing person I have ever met, and to be honest I have never fought with anyone so much but also never experienced a man who’d go to so many lengths to genuinely try and make me feel better as he does.

We’ve not handled all the passion very well so far, but I am going to try and get better at it!!!

I experienced this this week. I met a guy on vacation–instantly saw him sitting in the hotel, approached him, and told him how handsome I found him (he later told me NO ONE has ever told him that–he’s not that objectively hot–and I would never be so bold to tell a guy he’s handsome right off the bat). i don’t know what, but something pulled me toward him. we chatted a bit, i invited him to meet me later that night because i had to go “straighten my hair” haha, and a couple of hours later i returned and he was sitting in the same exact place, waiting.

I cannot keep my hands off this guy. even when we’re not in the bedroom, i need to be caressing him, massaging his hands or shoulders, holding him, etc. it’s like there’s a magnetic pull between us. i’ve NEVER experienced anything like this before, and really, it feels like magic. i’ve been in love before, but this is NOTHING like that.i’ve know this guy for ~ 24 hours and for both of us it feels like we’ve known each other for ages. we’re traveling now, and i’ll go see him in australia next week.

everything you wrote resonated with me, on every level. you are SO LUCKY that you have found someone like this. i think it’s a soul-mate connection. i’m 27 and have never had this before, and the same for the guy. i think we are lucky and that these types of connections are rare. i can’t imagine going back to anythng less. “never settle for less than magic,”as my sister always says. despite differences (i’m a workaholic, type A from new york and this guy is a beach bum from australia), the spiritual connection and magnetic pull can make your existence magical…just see where it takes you and enjoy the ride!!! <3

It happened to me twice where initially I was not attracted in their physical appearancr but felt the chemistry in the kiss and wola

obviously has a massive heart that he’s scared to give away.

On the other hand when he holds back I get frustrated at times because he doesn’t move as fast as most men I have met and is not as easy to understand what he is thinking.

I think what is basically the problem we have is that he went into it not looking to fall for someone and I think the crazy passion was unexpected completely and he’s struggling with handling it.

For us to not implode will take a lot of patience from me, if we can do it.

Melissa, you are rationalizing and making excuses for this man. When a guy likes you or wants a more meaningful relationship with you he makes his intentions clear. There is not much ambiguity in what he says or how he acts.

I cringed reading parts of your posts, because it indicates how much you want this to be something more. Stop the rationalizing and analyzing how he really feels. The best way to find out is to ask him, or watch his actions.

From my own personal experience with a guy like this,my advice is to be prepared for heartache,more frustration and wasted time.

I’m in that kind of relationship and we a re both in our 40’s hahaha (he’s 41 and I’m 44)… Well, we’ve been… he’s currently travelling and it is a good thing bc it is only now we’ve been able to actually ‘talk’ and acknowledge our feelings for each other; before we were just too much into s*x. It is not I wasn’t aware I loved him, but the s*x haze didn’t allow me to process it and translate it 100% into my real life. It is very rewarding and fulfilling, and it is a nice thing you are sharing your happiness with us, after I read in another thread that 75% of women cannot orgasm through penetration, omg didn’t know I was so privileged…

Jessica, I know I’m going to sound very paranoid lol, but I could’ve written what you did myself. Your man’s name doesn’t start with a D does it?!

@Sharon I think u are a nice person, the comment I quoted was made in another thread posted by someone who complained his bf had a tiny penis. I was really surprised to learn such thing & I wish I had the time to do some research about it. Nothing to do with you. Really. Go check if you like. Have a nice day.
@Anonymous. NO hahaha. His name starts with a Y.

I would like to add, I’ve had this feeling with someone for OVER FOUR YEARS. We’ve never had sex. We keep coming back to eachother. I’m willing to fight for him and keep us working through stuff. Because we aren’t together but and timing isn’t quite right, I think he’s waiting until he’s completely ready. And honestly, I’m just trusting God. If your guy is willing to wait for you (DO NOT HAVE SEX) then work things out and you will know what it is that is keeping you two together. Not sex, but real true love. :)

Hey, I came across this thread when searching for an answer to what is happening to me and a guy. It’s exactly the same as some of your stories here. We are like cheese and chalk but we have fabulous sex. We are obsessed with our intimacy all the time.

But unlike Mel, we don’t want to go further. We were clear at the beginning that it was just having fun. We are so different. We are both too busy for dating and have our own commitment. We both have just been out of our relationship and think that serious relationship just ruins everything. Maybe the fact that we are not together keeps us wanting each other all the time.

I don’t feel offended if I’m only sex to him. Because be honest to yourself. It is all about sex. I’m trying to keep it last as long as possible but I’m ready for any time we are no longer interested in each other. As I don’t take it serious, I won’t get hurt.

I agree with some comments. It’s not love. It’s chemistry. And girls, don’t expect too much from this or you will be heartbroken.

Hi Lisa. I’m not trying to brag about how happy I am or searched google because I was not happy with this. I just found it weird and wanted to know if it’s possible to get sexually attracted to someone when you don’t love him at all.

Unlike Mel, we never fight. Maybe because we are not close to each other that much to fight.

I can totally relate…it’s a great feeling to be wanted – even if it is just sexually. For what it’s worth, here’s a little essay about sexual energy/communication/relation I felt compelled to write about a recent month-long fling with a younger man. Maybe it will help someone else recognize and deal with the feels…???

I still have no idea what actually happened but I found myself excited and scared and distracted and…it brought up some feelings of longing and loneliness I haven’t felt in a very long time. I’m not sure what took over my body, but I allowed myself to feel completely free – without any chains whatsoever – and it was such a powerful feeling that I just wanted more and more. This sweet young man. This sweet and dangerous young man. When I look back to how it all transpired I honestly can’t say that I ever saw it coming. This sweet young man with the wry smile, twinkling eye and twirled mustache tapped my shoulder and it was a shock to see him standing there like something I HAD to learn. The rest of the room faded away and I lost all ability to rationalize anything and felt overwhelmingly compelled to respond. I heard him. His intentions were instant and intense and immediate and urgent. And boyish. And charming. And dangerous. And I succumbed without any fight. He took me to a place of passion and intensity like a drug addict to a junkie. So…I gave in. When I returned home I was literally standing beside myself looking at this person I don’t know that I’ve ever seen before. I was surprised and proud and elated. And also relieved that the moment had come and gone so quickly. So when I received a message just a few hours later from this sweet, dangerous, young man, it was then I realized that I was in trouble. For all his attempts at tapping the wrong shoulders, somehow he tapped the right one…just at the wrong time.

So he had imprinted himself on me. And perhaps me on him. Or he was just being a boy – seeing how far he could go. And was I just being a girl – opening like a flower to the shower of attention and the warmth of the intensity. Probably didn’t realize what he had started. Or perhaps knew full well what he had done – his ambition getting the best of him. Who takes someone like me on? Perhaps I am so complicated, so forbidden that there’s really no risk involved…what is that part of human nature about?

But I persevered – following emojis and flirtatious chatter – all the while thinking about those first impassioned, dangerous kisses. Him asking for more. Me wanting more. Us following through. Too soon, as it must happen so often in these situations. I opened my petals too soon and the attention and the warmth and the intensity flashed through us in one night not to be spoken of again. Until the next challenge. And it was the continuing challenge of when that lingered in my mind with little regard for the why and how. Just when. An exercise in delayed gratification to be sure.

We found ourselves passionately eager to be together but each for not good enough reasons. His longing for connection, my longing to be seen. I have been in this state of longing for longer than I probably even realize, which is why it was easy to cloud my own judgement to embolden myself enough to be seen. As I move through all these phases of my life never having really accepted or valued my own worth. When I think back to when I was his age and how endless and passionate life seemed. How many times I had put myself in vulnerable situations just to be seen – all the while ignoring my own image. My own worth. Relentlessly chasing after opportunities both professionally and personally.

Now that I find myself at this age still feeling so passionate about life but recognizing how limited time actually is fills me with an incomprehensible sadness and makes me want to charge recklessly into any and all opportunities. The fact that this man so brazenly tapped my shoulder has shaken me to the core. And it frightens me. But I have to steel myself and remember basic human nature and how its’ reality should eclipse even the most impassioned idea in my head. I am impassioned about an idea – the idea of someone actually “seeing” me when I have to believe this was nothing more than chemical.

I have to move past this and be grateful for the moments, the elation, the connection – as superficial as it may have been. Treasure the passion – use it as an arrow to redirect myself back to myself. To see myself. My self worth. And live with and in that peaceful, quiet satisfaction. Choosing to believe that life does have many other interesting twists and turns ahead. This may not the last one…but it was an incredible one.

All you ladies who are letting your vaginas run away with your hearts….be VERY careful.

This is lust. Lust is NOT love. Guys can bang a woman into the headboard every night and want NOTHING more with her.

Women tend to attach emotionally during sex. Our bodies release several bonding chemicals during physical intimacy, and while this is our biology, it is NOT the same for men.

If you can just enjoy the sex and realize it means nothing more that, have fun. But if you think for one second it means a guy is falling in love with you, very unlikely.

A man in love acts very differently than a man only in lust. A man in love wants to know everything about you, and to make you part of his life OUTSIDE the bedroom.

Also… beware the “I love having sex with you” or similar line. It means a guy loves banging your brains out, nothing more. It does NOT mean he loves YOU.

Just be smart and don’t fool yourselves or you will find yourself in a world of hurt.