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  • This topic has 9 replies and was last updated 1 year ago by Emily.
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  • #941634 Reply

    After about a year, should you expect to hear from your bf on a regular basis? Like if he’s active on social and you text him and he doesn’t respond? Is that a red flag? And when you do get a response it’s businessy or one word. Knowing he does have a busy life, but you told him you need more and it’s not happening. What do you do?

    #941635 Reply

    Please define ‘regular basis.’

    Is this something new?

    #941636 Reply

    Well obviously it was a lot when we were new. I would say the last time we discussed boundaries it improved a little but it’s back to sparse. Maybe about 4 times a day. The lesser amounts have still occurred since we last talked about what I needed.

    #941637 Reply

    Four times a day is a lot…
    Why the need for his constant attention?

    How often do you see each other in person?

    #941638 Reply

    How often do you see him? Has your relationship been organically growing closer over time or it seems stalled?

    If you can’t comfortably agree on communication styles after a year, and you still feel confused or unheard or unable to resolve conflict together after that amount of time, you may not be compatible together. It’s not about what’s “normal expectations” after that long, it’s about whether or not the relationship works happily for the both of you. It’s not a great sign if you’ve told him what you want directly and he hasn’t responded to it, especially if this is an ongoing pattern whenever issues come up between you two.

    #941639 Reply

    Well, If he’s not responding, her expectations are obviously not working for him…

    Not to sound glib, but are you monitoring his social media use? Why aren’t you out doing things & keeping busy?

    #941640 Reply

    Right, their expectations aren’t working for each other. So even if other people think it’s “normal” or not, that doesn’t fix anything.

    FWIW, I don’t think it is a good dynamic if he’s not making space for her or responding to what she says she wants in a relationship but she’s also finding indirect ways to track him while getting frustrated and resenting it. I’d also pull back somewhat after already having had clear discussions about it with him that went no where, to do more of my own thing for a bit (while deciding if I really want to stay in the relationship). Not out of protest behavior to get a response from him or to give him a taste of his own medicine or anything, just to not neglect myself and my own needs no matter what he’s doing. To help you re-center instead of focusing all your energy on him.

    4 times a day of active texting may be a lot, but if you both are just sending back one word messages then it’s not really. That’s why it’s important to know if this is on top of regularly seeing and talking to each other on the phone or facetime or whatever or not. If you see each other almost every day, 4 times is a lot, especially if he’s not a texter. Early dating days of texting don’t necessarily count because everyone’s excited and trying to impress each other before settling into their actual routine.

    #941643 Reply

    If someone told me that I needed to be more in contact with them on a daily basis, I’d walk…

    #941648 Reply

    Is the OP saying four times a day is not enough or that’s how much she needs to stay connected?

    Every couple is different but a ton of texting is difficult to sustain over the long term. Personally it would drive me NUTS if my partner texted me all day. Give me some space to miss you, lol.

    #941652 Reply

    Why do you want more text messages? What are you trying to accomplish? Many times, women on this site claim they want more texts but what they really want is to feel connected and they are using texts as a proxy for connection. As some of the other commenters pointed out, the quality of actual interaction (face to face) is what matters, not text messages (within reason).

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