Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Should I ghost him?
This topic contains 121 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by 4 years, 9 months ago.
If the guy thought it was too early to make you official, I’m not sure why you thought you were at a point where you should be seeing each other more or that you jump into gf mode. That’s what I am trying to impress on you. I don’t know if he was sick or not, but sometimes people want time to themselves. I’m like this too. He said he would see you this week and as promised he sent a text asking for a day to see you. This isn’t complicated. Let him know your availability and if he acts flakey about setting a day and time, then I would just move on. I also don’t think he should apologize to you for being sick and missing them date. If he really was that sick, why should he have to tell you the date was off? Men aren’t women. Most people would assume that if someone is sick, the date is off. I think he may have been trying to slow things down based on the comment he shared with you about rushing his last two relationships. That’s pretty critical information and is in line with why a man would pull back. Men need time to miss you and they can’t miss you if they are always with you.
You are reading too much into everything instead of just looking at the facts. It doesn’t matter if he asked you in what date you go exclusive. He was fishing to see if he could get a sense from you about how you handle dating. When he said he rushed too quickly in past relationships that was a clue that he might either rush again, or he might pull back. You still miss my point abput the weekend. He clearly didn’t want to see you, for whatever reason. But you kept pushing him to see you. Men don’t get scared. That’s silly. But they do pull back to think about things and decide on next steps.
I guess I just expected that when a guy is really into you he wants to see you all the time. That’s how it’s been for me in the past and how it is with a lot of my friends when they start seeing someone new. However with this guy it’s been once, maybe twice a week. Which could mean he is trying to be slooooow or he is seeing other girls and I’m just one in a roster. Am I wrong to think after 5 dates and 2 months of talking that if you’re still wanting to date others it’s a bad sign? (You are correct that it’s roughly 4 weeks of actually seeing each other as I was gone for nearly 3 weeks after our first date).
There are little things he’s said in the past too, that he likes to sweep a woman off her feet (he says it’s bevause the woman he’s dating deserves to feel that way and appreciated) but also in hindsight makes him sound like a player and just knows how to charm, it’s all a game.
Re: the sick thing, well I don’t know, I thought he would have made noises about rescheduling without me bringing it up. I guess it’s possible my anxiety about the situation and not sure where I stand with him made me want to get something set in stone quicker than I should have.
Essentially I just DONT KNOW this guys intentions, but now I’m thinking maybe I should give him a second chance.
Yeah I think you could be right and I’m reading too much into things. Maybe he was just trying to slow it down. But I don’t like that he agreed to a Friday date and then supposedly was sick and then went out on Saturday night. I guess I’ll neber k know the truth about the weekend. I suppose it’s a good sign he has asked to see me again this week and I will just see how he is if we do end up meeting again.
I agree with everything Pam said.
Take a step back and see how the next date goes.
You are getting too invested too soon. When he asked you about exclusivity that was your opportunity to ask about his and get some insight.
If he’s flaky and continues to be non responsive then you move on.
All the texting creates a false sense of intimacy. You still don’t really know this man. And words mean nothing unless backed up by actions. Every man has the sameness lines he uses to woo a woman. Same pet names, etc. they tend to pick something that works for them and keep using it regardless of the woman. So don’t fall too much for sweet talk. It doesn’t mean he’s a player, but men say things in the moment that feel good. It’s a woman’s job to pay attention to everything and not just go by what a man tells her. Seeing someone once or twice a week is totally normal during the first few months of dating.
I actually think your assessment was correct. I would trust my gut feeling, and 210 women is not a small number, especially if a guy been in a relationship.
I think he had you, now he can keep you “warm” while he is exploring other options.
Do not allow this, I am tired of having women to have all the responsibility for everything. There are TWO parties to each situation and normally people trust each other, so when a men leads you on with words and qu4estions, it is not your responsibility. What is your responsibility is to be careful and not trust people, especially in his case he was way too smooth, there was a game pattern it seems, to how he courted you.
In your shoes, and this is me, I would not respond and would not initiate anything. I understand you WANT for things to continue, but you want good things, right? You don’t want to be one of. Unless you want to be in denial, which most of us dive in in situations like that, you should not initiate.
No you can’t “prove” he was on a date with someone else, but you do know he is not telling the truth and avoiding seeing you. This is very clear unfortunately. When men do this? When they need time to explore other options.
I know that you would STILL try to cling on, but I also know that you would regret it later. So keep us posted about how it goes with this guy. I am sorry for how you feel. LOL
I’m really not sure why you’d text him back about going out with him again. That’s not letting him lead. If he wants to see you he knows where to find you. And even if you don’t respond to his most recent text – that won’t be enough to stop a man who is truly interested.
The OP does not know the man lied. How can you come to that conclusion? You don’t know if he is seeing or talking to other women! You always paint men in such a negative light.
Of course it is a woman’s responsibility to not fall for words. How can you say it isn’t her responsibility to do this? Not Just for dating, but in life. You don’t fall for whatever words a person tosses at you. You say it’s not her responsibility if a man leads her on with words but then you say she should trust no one? That’s a totally contradictory sentence. Women should have all the responsibility for what she does with a man and how she navigates dating. It’s not a shared responsibility. You can’t control what the other person does.
PAM MIND YOUR OWN COMMENTS WILL YOU. I am going to ignore your preaching from now on.
For the OP, I repeat, the behaviour of this dude seems to be very “classic”. He works very smooth, being a gentleman and luring a woman in, has sex with her a couple of times and then puts her on the back burner. She is trying to reach him, he is playing hard to get, feeding her silly excuses, he is so sick he can’t see her but goes out to dinner. Wow, poor guy. In the meantime he is in Tinder. Wow how much proof do I need to deduce what he’s up to. We are not in court. I don’t need any “evidence”. Most women would use their best judgement, gut instincts and experience to decide what to do, and in this case, he did not ask you on a date. So why would you initiate any contact? he is just keeping the line of communication open, and is doing it quite skillfully.
Women need to be careful and protect themselves but this does not excuse a-holish misleading behaviour that is used by so many men towards women.
You should be dating other people. This man is not your boyfriend. You are single. End of story. Don’t have sex if you can’t handle non-exclusivity. Don’t have any more home dates with this guy. You can go on a date with him, but you need to turn him down for sex. First off he is not being exclusive, second off – you will catch somethig if you keep sleeping with him. And third off I don’t foresee this man becoming your boyfriend. So it’s up to you, I would dump him.
I dont understand why so many women are having issues with Emma’s advice. She is not bashing guys, but empowering women not to fall for empty lines, not to see ghosting as a normal thing if youre not in a relationship. She advises women not to go with bread crumbs. Its not so different from what advice most women here give, but she adresses the behaviour of men more. I say good for her. If we would all say the same it would be very dreadfully boring. In this case i agree with her assessment about this guy. Didnt he tell you duchess you had such a special karma etc? That doesnt mean you cant go out on a date again but at least let him work for it. But i think he is already ghosting you btw. Too bad. Thats why its important not to believe all the charm in the first few months. Guys are designed like this and some are more over the top than others. Pace yourself and dont get ahead of the guy. It might take him months to see if he really wants you as a gf
Newbie, they have a problem with me because I am different and because I speak up my mind.
The funny part is some of them, this time Pam-bam, shushee-trashee, but sometimes others, for some reason think they have the power to make me stop posting comments. LOL LOL . Bright souls they are. LOL Sorry, bright American souls. LOL LOL
It’s not a matter of me initiating again, he asked me out for a day this week or weekend so it’s on me to respond with a day, or to just leave it. I am inclined to leave it and see if he reaches out again.
Emma’s assessment is my own. Sometimes it is based on gut feeling and not fact based evidence. I will never have those facts. But he clearly didn’t want to see me this weekend and made me wait around on Monday for his answer (I went out and did other things btw but it’s sfill rude). I just don’t like being played with by a man, and I think that’s what he’s doing.
He said he has slept with 10 women, not 210. So a small number for someone who is 33. I suspect he’s lying. He offered up that info, I never asked.
Never ask a man how many sex partners. And you shouldn’t admit either. It men’s nothing and you don’t even know if it’s tfue. If you are turned off by him then move on. End of story. It’s i you’re control at this point. But if you ignored me and I was the man, I wouldn’t reach out again. Because now you are game playing. You are expecting a guyyou dated for 4weeks to be head over heels and he isn’t. It’s too soon to know.. if you want a man who jumps all in with you I’ve really a few weeks, go for it. But I can assure you most men who do this will leave you just as quickly. No one knows what this man is thinking, unfortunately you are upset because you place emphasis on sex while most men do not. So that’s why you are butt hurt right now. Stop having sex with men so quickly if you can’t handle the man taking it as casual. You said you don’t do casual and you did. So that’s in you hun.
Yes but he told me he didn’t want casual either and that he wasn’t dating other women. I’ve said that a few times and you seem to ignore that point.
I didn’t ask him his sex partners, he brought it up willingly.
Ah,the suggestion of a home date where he’ll cook dinner. Translation: he wants sex. I think you got played like a fiddle. Players will say and do whatever to make you feel special in the beginning, but you’ll notice a change right after sex. Why women keep falling for this, I don’t know. Next time, pay attention to a man’s efforts over TIME. Anyone can be sweet and caring for a few days or weeks.Ir seems he’s doing the fade out, where at some point you’ll get the hint or get frustrated and end it yourself.
No man tells a woman how many women he has been with if you didn’t ask… does that even make sense to you? Why do women ask questions and then fail to share critical information like this?
He offered that info up Pam. I did not ask. Nor did I tell him my number. He told me this on our third date, came up in conversation where he was trying to portray himself as a good guy who wants to settle down.
To me that is creepy.. I don’t want or expect a man to offer that info.
Why do women have no common sense? Did that seem right to you
Women never give the real relevant details … until they are teased out.
You seem like you hate women Pam and want to just blame them for men misbehaving. I’m not saying it’s all his fault but I don’t appreciate you placing all the blame for this situation on me. I did not behave badly, he is.
She does this on every post I’ve seen. I posted a similar situation, & quickly was shamed to be at fault. Her & Emma also got into it on that post. I appreciate honest feedback, but not women who are so quick to point the finger at other women, completely dismissing the man. It’s a two part deal. Yes it’s our job to protect our hearts, but men play a huge part in it also. She just makes it seem like the women who pay their situations are dumb and don’t know right from wrong. People make mistakes, it’s called learning from them. We don’t need to be crucified on a forum lol.