This topic contains 121 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by 3 years, 3 months ago.
June 13, 2018 at 10:40 am #707340
men can sense desperation and pathetic clinginess a mile away. OP, you are both of these things. i second phillygirl — work on yourself first, because right now you’re in no position to be dating.June 13, 2018 at 11:08 am #707344
I guess I just wonder- everyone calling this woman desperate and clingy. She dated a guy who verbally expressed a ton of interest in her, including talk about future commitment. She went on multiple good dates. She had sex with the guy.
Post sex he withdraws and cancels a date because he sick. She sweetly offers to bring him soup, which IMO, is probably more of a nice idea vs something she would actually execute (and I’ve had men I just met offer to bring me stuff when I am sick). Then he feels better, and she asks for a date.
Most of us, if we have sex with someone, we probably have developed a modicum of caring towards them. Women aren’t wired to be automatons. It’s not like she showed up with soup, harassed him about soup or made a big deal out of it.
If a guy things that response to an “I’m sick” text of “Oh, I could bring you soup!” is somehow reeking of desperation, especially after he bombed her with loving texts is a jerk or very overly confident of the intention of a text.June 13, 2018 at 11:14 am #707347
don’t spread your legs a few weeks into knowing someone if you want them to take you seriously / respect you.
homegirl was trying to play wifey after giving it up for next to nothing.
she’s desperate, he’s checked out. time to move on and learn.June 13, 2018 at 11:14 am #707349
And Duchess, I don’t think you are pathetic, desperate or clingy. You just need to get up on the dating learning curve and it really just involves some hard lessons.
I also think it’s funny that we never perceive the act of men basically bombarding us with gushy texts as pathetic or desperate, but a woman texting a man to get some clarification after being wordlessly kicked aside is somehow indicative of a desperate/pathetic woman with low self esteem.
Unfortunately, I think when we get numb to the treatment that has you upset, we end up in the jaded/bitter category of dating. Like “this guy is just going to ghost, so why bother enjoying the romance here, there are more guys anyways”. It makes dating an oddly clinical and boring process.
I hope you meet someone great soon who sees your request to bring soup as an indication that you care and responds to it positively and never lets you feel slighted.June 13, 2018 at 11:26 am #707350
You miss the point Anon. The only reason she wanted to bring him soup was because she probably wanted to verify he was really sick and she also used it as an excuse to see him on Friday regardless of him saying he was ill. You don’t think anyone can’t see through that? I had a girlfriend who used to get too attached to men early on in dating. I was at her apartment one evening and she was getting ready to go over and see him. He sent her a text asking for a rain check because he was sick. She tried to do the same thing. Started insisting on going over to take care of him. He refused. The next day he told her things weren’t going to work out. Was he really sick? Who knows. But if someone makes an excuse not to see me, pushing forward with an excuse to see them anyway is annoying. Even for me. If I don’t feel good and want to hunker down and rest, and look crappy, and not have to interact with anyone, I’m not going to appreciate someone disregarding my ask for alone time, just because they have it in their head to see me. Bombarding someone with loving texts doesn’t mean anything. When a man throws out all this future talk with me this early on, I take it with a grain of salt and think to myself, how can he ask about what kind of wedding I want? He barely knows me! Does that even make any sense. I really hope the OP doesn’t go down the path of having a talk with this guy. Because I can almost him him say to her, I told you I wanted to take things slow and I’m not ready for a relationship right now.June 13, 2018 at 12:52 pm #707369
I’m with you anon. You’re not alone in your assessment. And that’s all I will contribute to this thread.June 13, 2018 at 1:25 pm #707379
I have to laugh- my ex. We were together for 20 years. I brought him tea and lozenges when he had the flu within a month of meeting him. Also, the last guy I dated got sick, sent me a pic of him being sick and I jokingly texted back that I’d bring soup. He responded very positively to that and while we didn’t last (we had a difference on having kids), it was a good relationship that grew from when I “desperately” offered to bring him soup.June 13, 2018 at 1:29 pm #707380
Also…. OMG, grown men when they get sick are the WORST if they are in a relationship. They call it man cold for a reason. Women in relationships would LOVE it if sick men sucked it up and got distant when they got sick. Maybe the wedding ring turns them from lone wolves during flu season into needy children….June 13, 2018 at 1:42 pm #707383
Its interesting about the whole “Desperation” and soup thing. I was literally so sick and this one guy offered to bring me soup. I wonder if he’d be considered desperate and crazy? I just took it as someone wanting to help me out in my time of need because no way would I have been physically capable or willing to get my own soup….crackers and some ginger ale. I don’t know. I will agree to disagree with the ones who think diffrecently than me. It won’t break my heart. It’s also sad to think that that kind of suggestion or offer is considered desperate,clingy, or crazy. But ok I guess. I’ve never offered to bring over soup to someone but when someone offered it up to me, I didn’t think he was desperate, just interested. And I’ve seen crazy…offering soup up to them isn’t in my opinion crazy or desperate though but majority does so oh well. The guy isn’t worth it if he is weirded out by that gesture….money saved and no time wasted. On to the nextJune 13, 2018 at 1:58 pm #707385
Yeah- I mean if a guy says “hey, you know what, this is too fast, too early for her to be this involved, we are looking for different things”, it’s one thing. That’s not perceiving a flaw in the woman just a mismatch.
It’s funny because it makes women afraid to communicate with men on any level (see the threads on here where they literally won’t initiate a text with a guy they have been seeing). “Am I needy if I text to confirm our date?”.
Then I meet men and they ALL complain about having to chase women all the time “I hate doing all the chasing”.June 13, 2018 at 2:07 pm #707387
I’m not the OP. And I do think you need to wait to have sex.
I just think it’s funny that literally the OP’s 2 texts are perceived as needy and desperate, which are really negative terms. Especially in light of some crazy things I’ve seen and had happen to me while dating.
Desperate is my ex’s side piece showing up on his front lawn threatening to slit her wrists.
Crazy is the guy I dated who stalked me via tax records and showed up at my house after 4 dates when I could not text for a day due to work meetings.
Needy is the girl my friend was dating who texted him 20 times with no response while we were at lunch.
When I compare that with “the guy I dated got sick and I sent one text offering to bring him soup and then asked him out the next weekend” she doesn’t exactly register on my radar. Maybe she is clueless, chasing a lost cause. But it’s not like she hopped on the bus to crazy town. She probably had a 50% chance of the guy taking her up on soup.June 13, 2018 at 2:13 pm #707388
I completely understand what you’re saying I do a lot of you all feel it was too much too soon especially since she’s not his gf. Got it.June 13, 2018 at 2:17 pm #707390
Lol, exactly. I have a long list of crazy and desperate things guys have done to me alone that would surely come off as desperate, clingy, needy and crazy, and I have been VERY honest with what I wanted from them.
One of my friends literally has done things out of depseration and VERY NEEDY…a lot of you would have a field day with her alone lol.