This topic contains 2 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Warasen 1 month, 1 week ago.
December 10, 2019 at 7:13 pm #780290
I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. I am also pregnant for him. Usually we get along fine until I make a mistake or annoy him in a particular way. None of my mistakes are intentionally malicious just accidents of varying severity. A couple examples: I forgot to turn the water on in our first apartment together and the city shut it off. I threw away some papers he needed for a college class and he got a zero on the assignment because of me. These situations are obviously upsetting and anyone would be angry. I understand how he feels about it. Now whenever I make a small mistake like dropping a glass bottle and it breaks he is extremely ticked off and brings up these situations and any others that might have angered him. It makes me feel terrible because now every time he’s upset he, at least in my opinion he brings up these past upsets and treats small things like big things. I love him very much but I dont know how to deal with this or how to talk to him. Im afraid to tell him things that happen in my day because of how I know he’ll react now. He will be red in the face with veins popping out his face and neck and punch the air. I dont know what to do when the smallest mistake is reacted to like its the most major mistake.December 10, 2019 at 9:59 pm #780296
It sounds like he might need an anger management class? Not everyone handles anger in the right way and the longer it goes on the worst the habit becomes. I understand how some of those things might upset someone but normal people eventually let it go, move on, and forget about it once the water is turned on or they achieved a passing grade. Being upset is a normal human response but holding onto anger isn’t healthy, can cause health problems, blood pressure issues and lose a lot friends, jobs, etc. if not managed appropriately.
The way I would approach it is to sit down with him and calmly say “look, I’m human and I’m going to mess up or make mistakes but I don’t do it maliciously, intentionally or to make you angry, I just mess up sometimes. Your anger though is scaring me. We have a baby coming and we need to find a better way to work together, forgive each other when we make mistakes, and not get super angry over things that can be solved or fixed. Maybe an anger management class would help you as I don’t want our child to fear scared when you get angry at him/her the way you get angry at me.”
You really need to nip it or I fear the child will also get the brunt of that anger when they start walking. Do you really want your child to be as afraid too? Its not just you but a child now and need to think of protect them too.December 11, 2019 at 8:55 pm #780402
It sounds like he’s emotionally abusive to you. When you’re afraid of his reaction to your mistakes that’s a problem.
When I moved in with my wife, we were dating at the time, she threw away the only copy of a magazine where I had my first article printed. It’s so long ago the www wasn’t a thing yet so no archive exists. I was upset but I didn’t punch the air or bring it up more than 5 times. We all make mistakes but it’s the repeated mistakes that should be corrected. He can be upset by that but we all have to learn.